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Social Neurodiversity
- Thread starter p0ip0le
- Start date
Hello,
After months of grappling with how public and forward I wanted to be about this (as well as chatting with some people about to approach it), I think it is better for me and my mental health to be more forward about this. It shapes much of my online experience, and I'm sure to some extent it's been noticeable for people who speak to me somewhat consistently.
In short: I have dissociative identity disorder.
DID is a disorder under the dissociation and de-realization umbrella caused by extremely stressful childhood events/circumstances that lead to the psyche to operate under multiple characterized personality states as a defensive mechanism. These personality states are known as "alters", usually having their own memories, feelings, and interests. Among most forms of neurodivergence, it is (imo) the most widely misunderstood and stigmatized due to its extreme nuance leading to very individualized symptoms, but most worsened by very volatile (and often misleading) representation in media.
How it works is that switches are often very "seamless", in the sense that without individual awareness and therapy it can be difficult to notice when switches occur unless alters announce themselves. It is a dissociative disorder; when personality states take the front, it can feel as though you are just watching yourself behave in an uncharacteristic way, and as though you are detached from reality/what's happening around you. In some extreme cases of DID it can feel as though you are entirely phased out, and memory gaps can be far wider. Switches are not voluntary and typically occur as a result of specific stimuli or dissociation.
Alters often exist in what's called a headspace, which is an inner world where they can either be visualized, communicate, connect, and share feelings. This interconnectedness is often why individuals with DID are often called a "system", which is what is used to refer to individuals who have alters. You may also hear the term "plural" used to refer to systems. In a similar sense, alters usually are formed for some kind of subconscious purpose usually because of a trauma response or persistent day-to-day stimuli. Systems often use labels like "host", "persecutor", or "protector" (for the sake of example) to refer to how alters interact within a system or what purposes they front for.
I have two "major" personality states (alongside multiple other alters who I will not be talking about here): Connie and Jade. Connie is "ausma", the person that mostly interacts on this site, problem-solving, and with competitive Pokemon in general. Jade is more focused on subjects like biology, witchcraft, and the more creative angle when it comes to Pokemon (Pet Mods or Fakemon creation for example). We all like Pokemon a lot but interact with it in different ways.
If any of you have any questions or would like to learn more about DID or about my system in general, please let me know. I will not be answering any questions about my trauma, but most of anything else is fair game.
Thanks for reading.
After months of grappling with how public and forward I wanted to be about this (as well as chatting with some people about to approach it), I think it is better for me and my mental health to be more forward about this. It shapes much of my online experience, and I'm sure to some extent it's been noticeable for people who speak to me somewhat consistently.
In short: I have dissociative identity disorder.
DID is a disorder under the dissociation and de-realization umbrella caused by extremely stressful childhood events/circumstances that lead to the psyche to operate under multiple characterized personality states as a defensive mechanism. These personality states are known as "alters", usually having their own memories, feelings, and interests. Among most forms of neurodivergence, it is (imo) the most widely misunderstood and stigmatized due to its extreme nuance leading to very individualized symptoms, but most worsened by very volatile (and often misleading) representation in media.
How it works is that switches are often very "seamless", in the sense that without individual awareness and therapy it can be difficult to notice when switches occur unless alters announce themselves. It is a dissociative disorder; when personality states take the front, it can feel as though you are just watching yourself behave in an uncharacteristic way, and as though you are detached from reality/what's happening around you. In some extreme cases of DID it can feel as though you are entirely phased out, and memory gaps can be far wider. Switches are not voluntary and typically occur as a result of specific stimuli or dissociation.
Alters often exist in what's called a headspace, which is an inner world where they can either be visualized, communicate, connect, and share feelings. This interconnectedness is often why individuals with DID are often called a "system", which is what is used to refer to individuals who have alters. You may also hear the term "plural" used to refer to systems. In a similar sense, alters usually are formed for some kind of subconscious purpose usually because of a trauma response or persistent day-to-day stimuli. Systems often use labels like "host", "persecutor", or "protector" (for the sake of example) to refer to how alters interact within a system or what purposes they front for.
I have two "major" personality states (alongside multiple other alters who I will not be talking about here): Connie and Jade. Connie is "ausma", the person that mostly interacts on this site, problem-solving, and with competitive Pokemon in general. Jade is more focused on subjects like biology, witchcraft, and the more creative angle when it comes to Pokemon (Pet Mods or Fakemon creation for example). We all like Pokemon a lot but interact with it in different ways.
If any of you have any questions or would like to learn more about DID or about my system in general, please let me know. I will not be answering any questions about my trauma, but most of anything else is fair game.
Thanks for reading.
What's your perspective on media's depiction of DID? I wrote a (non professional) paper about media representation of schizophrenia and repercussions on people with it. (Wrote it due to the reasons mentioned in this thread some time ago, where I thought I had schizophrenia, so I want to know the perspective on the same issue but from another condition)
In the paper I mentioned that another condition that I think has it worse in terms of accurate depictions is DID, mostly due to movies and series using it as a prompt for content.
The average encounter with DID for an average content consumer is the movie Split. I think the movie by itself is entertaining, but the depiction of DID? Awful. What do you think of that movie?
Also, how do you feel about the outdated term multiple personality disorder?
I think it's very hit or miss, leaning closer to miss, because very few forms of media actually commit to talking about it as a focal point and instead prefer to use it as a plot device. The thing about DID is that if you want to depict it in media, you actually have to put in the elbow grease to understand or learn about it if you want it to be actual representation.
From what I've seen, most depictions of DID end up being very surface level or used as a way to give a character some kind of gimmick. A good example of that would be Diavolo from JJBA, who isn't necessarily maliciously written but is very clearly written to me as a way to give the main antagonist some kind of gimmick to make the nature of his "secrecy" more interesting or compelling. On the contrary, OMORI is a phenomenal example of how to do it right since the entire premise of the game centers around Sunny and his trauma/headspace, and takes a lot of care to dive into the nuance around Sunny's psyche. I've yet to fully play it but from what I've heard/seen/played for myself, it's extremely compelling and well-executed.
Obviously with how insanely individualized DID cases are, it's hard to say any one instance of a system is "incorrect" but to me it's about the subtext and intentions. I take most of it with a grain of salt for that reason, but I'm hesitant to call most instances of DID in media "good representation" unless I know the circumstances in which they were written and how much care they put into depicting the different facets of a system. In a vast majority of cases, that care is not provided.
I haven't actually watched it but I have seen clips and read a synopsis. The basis on which the Beast "forms" seems reasonable on paper since as I understand it, it's a manifestation of the main character's abuse history and trauma, which is often how persecutor alters form (and often they form as a direct defense mechanism). I may be misremembering or misunderstanding but the Beast fronting seems to physically "empower" the system's body which... no, certain alters fronting does not make you suddenly invincible or whatever.
From an actual narrative perspective, as is, the movie heavily caters toward the negative stereotype that DID systems are volatile and dangerous, which is far from the truth. I don't hate the premise, as with proper research (including actually talking to real systems) it could make for a film that adds perspective when it comes to persecutor alters and the nuance around their formation. However from what I understand, it lacks a lot of tact and seems to prefer to use DID as a horror gimmick, which contributes quite badly to the already heavy stigma around DID. I'd say a lot of my opinion on it aligns with what I mentioned in my previous answer, as instead of trying to create a compelling perspective on the nature of DID it focuses more on using it as a scapegoat to enhance the spooky factor, which is especially dangerous in the context of Split's narrative.
TL;DR: it's dangerously uninformed and dangerously written, but the premise isn't terrible and could even be good if there's heavy research and good faith put into it, primarily if the aforementioned research includes perspective from real world systems.
My opinion on it is kind of as you said: it's outdated. It's not necessarily incorrect in itself but it gives an incorrect picture of how it works and what it is.
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UPDATE: I have ANOTHER new pfp. I am entering my ENA arc.
It’s been over three months since anyone’s posted here. Might as well try and break the ice a little bit. I’ve talked about my own diagnoses plenty of times and how I hate using them as excuses, but I’m starting to think that my work life is never going to be fulfilling no matter what I do. It’s bad enough that I can never stay committed to anything in the long term, whether it be an interest or hobby or wanting to work in a certain field, but I’m a young man in my 20s now and I feel nothing in the life I feel like I’ve been somewhat forced into for lack of better word. I’ve felt this way since I graduated college, and if I didn’t know any better I would say that the entire experience was a complete waste of time and energy. I’m stuck here now with a 21 year old autism diagnosis that’s almost certainly outdated, an ADHD diagnosis from within the past year, inherited depression, “social anxiety” and no idea what to do with my life.
I know that all of this is supposedly normal or whatever, but I’m really not asking for much in my life. I can tell you right now I have absolutely no interest in raising my own family or living with other people for the foreseeable future. I went into human/social services because I genuinely thought my college degree would mean something and I could try and help other people in our community for a living, but now all I want is just to be able to help myself before I can even think about helping others. I want to make as few “life changing decisions” as possible and preferably stay as far away from anyone who’s upset or stressed out about things. I don’t need the world to be absolutely perfect for me or anything like that. I feel like my chronic overthinking (which is apparently not OCD) creates many more problems for people than it solves, including here in this very site when I’ve tried showing off my special interests. Because that’s just it, right. I rarely ever actually “liked” anything growing up. I had special interests, more specifically I went through phases of interests. Only my collection of Nintendo games really ever felt like a true childhood hobby in the usual sense.
So now we get back to my initial question I have for myself. How in the world am I supposed to turn any of this into a sustainable working career? The fact that I have a college degree at all is… shocking, in hindsight, but was it even necessary or should I make use of it anyway? I don’t want that to feel like it was a waste of time and energy like I said earlier. If I have it I might as well use the darn thing, right? My paid internship I’m at now ends around Thanksgiving but I keep forgetting if I’m supposed to immediately have a new job coming out of this one or if I even have any talents worth considering for a stressful career for the next who-knows-how many years of my life, because there is absolutely zero shot I’m going ever to be able to retire if the economy keeps going the way it is. And all of that is assuming anyone would want to hire my neurodivergent ahh in the first place and treat me well enough to convince me to want to stay there!
I know that all of this is supposedly normal or whatever, but I’m really not asking for much in my life. I can tell you right now I have absolutely no interest in raising my own family or living with other people for the foreseeable future. I went into human/social services because I genuinely thought my college degree would mean something and I could try and help other people in our community for a living, but now all I want is just to be able to help myself before I can even think about helping others. I want to make as few “life changing decisions” as possible and preferably stay as far away from anyone who’s upset or stressed out about things. I don’t need the world to be absolutely perfect for me or anything like that. I feel like my chronic overthinking (which is apparently not OCD) creates many more problems for people than it solves, including here in this very site when I’ve tried showing off my special interests. Because that’s just it, right. I rarely ever actually “liked” anything growing up. I had special interests, more specifically I went through phases of interests. Only my collection of Nintendo games really ever felt like a true childhood hobby in the usual sense.
So now we get back to my initial question I have for myself. How in the world am I supposed to turn any of this into a sustainable working career? The fact that I have a college degree at all is… shocking, in hindsight, but was it even necessary or should I make use of it anyway? I don’t want that to feel like it was a waste of time and energy like I said earlier. If I have it I might as well use the darn thing, right? My paid internship I’m at now ends around Thanksgiving but I keep forgetting if I’m supposed to immediately have a new job coming out of this one or if I even have any talents worth considering for a stressful career for the next who-knows-how many years of my life, because there is absolutely zero shot I’m going ever to be able to retire if the economy keeps going the way it is. And all of that is assuming anyone would want to hire my neurodivergent ahh in the first place and treat me well enough to convince me to want to stay there!
Follow up to the post above, New revelations since the last time (idk, a year or so ago? last year?) I posted things here.
If any of y'all could relate to any of the things I am having, I would love some tips to combat them.
Although not so obvious at first, I believe a large chunk (Not like 20 30% large chunk, more like 60+% large chunk) of the active folks here are neurodivergent, as we know being fixated on something niche or maybe not niche is kind of our thing, even if I don't know WHY is it our thing, it really is just the way it is. At the same time, I am a person who also loves to derail conversations jumping from one topic just like how I was talking about one thing the previous sentence and something else now, its a strange habit that I really do not have an answer for, though when others do it to me I continue with whatever they pivoted to like nothing is happening.
I also got an ADHD and Depression diagnosis! As much as some people think that getting diagnosed with these mental disorders is not a good thing, you gotta know that not getting is diagnosed is worse, as denying it exists or not knowing you have it doesn't mean it will go away, both of these diagnoses really gave me answers to all of these issues I have been having, such as being unable to be productive and do my assignments / work even if it will only take 10 minutes, even if it is in front of me! it drives me insane not being able to effectively push myself to do such trivial things for normal people such as remembering things and being on time and being organized and focusing in class and taking notes while also being able to listen and record your moves in chess while thinking and more.... I thought some medication would fix it all but thats where Depression comes to play, as it cuts down on my motivation heavily on top of being unable to focus and follow a routine and be on task and stuff... The fact I am writing a wall of text here instead of doing my schoolwork is already a clear sign.
ASD, ADHD, Depression, and potentially more (Aphantasia, perhaps?) disorders plagued me for life, and I have always wondered what is it like to be a normal person who can function normally, be on time, focus and more in life, me first learning that my struggles were not normal felt mind blowing to me, I just thought I sucked and everybody else just pushed through! Despite disorders really making life hard for ND people like me, online polls say that a lot of people would not want to thanos snap away their struggles and disabilities away for some reason, even though it often made their life so much harder, many people just wouldn't wanna get rid of them. Why? Why wouldn't people want to be able to function normally and make your life so much easier? I would gladly snap it away from myself, as being able to think differently and having nice hobbies isn't exclusive to being ND (I think), and there are no benefits to keeping the disorder around to drag you down, but idk what are your guy's and gal's thoughts on this?
On a side note, apparently normal people are able to visualize vivid images of stuff in their heads, explains why I sucked so much at imagery and sometimes writing, all I can manage is vague flashes and shapes, thinking vivid images was people hallucinating!
Uhhhhhhhh I have so much more to write but I am too lazy to write all of it down and stuff...
(I know, the grammar sucks on this post, but I was aiming to get it done quickly, so quality took a dip. I cannot focus for any longer even though I stay away from TikTok and shorts like illegal substances. Don't mind me changing topics like flipping a book either, If I Had the patience, focus and more time I would also go into how the people around me interacted, how I feel lonely asf irl with hardly anybody relatable and how me being Chinese really influenced my experiences but idk... y'all who are able to read the entire thing without breaking focus are lucky to be able to do that...)
If any of y'all could relate to any of the things I am having, I would love some tips to combat them.
Although not so obvious at first, I believe a large chunk (Not like 20 30% large chunk, more like 60+% large chunk) of the active folks here are neurodivergent, as we know being fixated on something niche or maybe not niche is kind of our thing, even if I don't know WHY is it our thing, it really is just the way it is. At the same time, I am a person who also loves to derail conversations jumping from one topic just like how I was talking about one thing the previous sentence and something else now, its a strange habit that I really do not have an answer for, though when others do it to me I continue with whatever they pivoted to like nothing is happening.
I also got an ADHD and Depression diagnosis! As much as some people think that getting diagnosed with these mental disorders is not a good thing, you gotta know that not getting is diagnosed is worse, as denying it exists or not knowing you have it doesn't mean it will go away, both of these diagnoses really gave me answers to all of these issues I have been having, such as being unable to be productive and do my assignments / work even if it will only take 10 minutes, even if it is in front of me! it drives me insane not being able to effectively push myself to do such trivial things for normal people such as remembering things and being on time and being organized and focusing in class and taking notes while also being able to listen and record your moves in chess while thinking and more.... I thought some medication would fix it all but thats where Depression comes to play, as it cuts down on my motivation heavily on top of being unable to focus and follow a routine and be on task and stuff... The fact I am writing a wall of text here instead of doing my schoolwork is already a clear sign.
ASD, ADHD, Depression, and potentially more (Aphantasia, perhaps?) disorders plagued me for life, and I have always wondered what is it like to be a normal person who can function normally, be on time, focus and more in life, me first learning that my struggles were not normal felt mind blowing to me, I just thought I sucked and everybody else just pushed through! Despite disorders really making life hard for ND people like me, online polls say that a lot of people would not want to thanos snap away their struggles and disabilities away for some reason, even though it often made their life so much harder, many people just wouldn't wanna get rid of them. Why? Why wouldn't people want to be able to function normally and make your life so much easier? I would gladly snap it away from myself, as being able to think differently and having nice hobbies isn't exclusive to being ND (I think), and there are no benefits to keeping the disorder around to drag you down, but idk what are your guy's and gal's thoughts on this?
On a side note, apparently normal people are able to visualize vivid images of stuff in their heads, explains why I sucked so much at imagery and sometimes writing, all I can manage is vague flashes and shapes, thinking vivid images was people hallucinating!
Uhhhhhhhh I have so much more to write but I am too lazy to write all of it down and stuff...
(I know, the grammar sucks on this post, but I was aiming to get it done quickly, so quality took a dip. I cannot focus for any longer even though I stay away from TikTok and shorts like illegal substances. Don't mind me changing topics like flipping a book either, If I Had the patience, focus and more time I would also go into how the people around me interacted, how I feel lonely asf irl with hardly anybody relatable and how me being Chinese really influenced my experiences but idk... y'all who are able to read the entire thing without breaking focus are lucky to be able to do that...)