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Social LGBTQIA+
- Thread starter dhelmise
- Start date
I did probably one of the most down bad things I've ever done. I was watching a play and at intermission I wanted to go get food and then I saw this cute guy working the concession stand and thats the story of how I spent 16 bucks on a slushy. He complimented how I looked in my jumper though :)
it was 8 pounds and im canadian so i just double everything icl. i did the conversion though and it's only 14.90 CAD which is only 11 bucks ish in USD so it's less bad! and like sheepie said i got a compliment from a cute guy which basically means the slushy was free
gender update i don't think i'm trans or cis
i don't have a good explanation as to why i feel this way? i don't identify with being male at all as of now so i'm definitely not cis, but saying i'm trans just doesn't feel right either. i'm pretty sure i should fall under the transgender umbrella but it doesn't feel right to call myself that. why are labels like this
hoping no one irl finds my smogon i'm not ready to come out at all
i don't have a good explanation as to why i feel this way? i don't identify with being male at all as of now so i'm definitely not cis, but saying i'm trans just doesn't feel right either. i'm pretty sure i should fall under the transgender umbrella but it doesn't feel right to call myself that. why are labels like this
hoping no one irl finds my smogon i'm not ready to come out at all
Hoping this isn't a non-starter: what do you all make of neopronouns? If you're not familiar with this, I mean pronouns outside of He, She, They, and It. That would mean, a made-up set of words. I've been using "ae/aer" for myself for the past few months and (provided people actually use them when talking about me) its rather comforting.
To clarify, I'm still a girl, I'm still trans, and I do not call myself nonbinary, even if I literally am in the narrow definition of the term. I enjoy being transfem as a whole, but theres certain connotations and baggage with being a woman or a trans woman that I don't really appreciate.
"They/them" for me, I mostly heard when I was pre-boobs, pre-voice training, and overall was not subitized as a woman by most strangers. Well-meaning or not, the inkling there is that I am being seen as Less than a woman, and I've thankfully not had to hear they/them used on me in quite some time. I gather that many trans people feel this way.
"She/her" I tolerate, but I don't prefer it. Before I started passing to strangers, I mostly heard "she/her" around my family where it felt less than sincere. Being Genuinely Seen As A Woman is not something my family is capable of granting me; hearing them use She Her on me has always felt forced and will continue to do so. I am also wildly uncomfortable with cis people who do not see me as an equal, but still use my pronouns so they don't sound insane (the kind who will call you Dude just to get on your nerves). These two scenarios have kind of tainted the pronouns for me, to where it feels weird and dysphoric to accept them as part of my identity.
That being said, I don't despise being called by she/her. Our society at large really only knows three sets of pronouns for strangers, and she/her is by Far the most comfy one of them. My preferred pronouns are something I reserve for friends and those who can simply click on my profile to know the ettiquette. I don't expect people to read my mind, lol.
Despite that, I think neopronouns are Not Something To Get Upset Over Or Make Mean Spirited Fun Of. For me, it's simply a way of making room to express myself in the way I find comfortable, and not conceding my self-image to a label I do not relate to. Also, it serves as a litmus test for who denies, puts up with, or embraces my nuances and such. Below is a handy list of examples for how I use my pronouns.
Cheers all xoxo love from uppa. <3. <3
<-me
To clarify, I'm still a girl, I'm still trans, and I do not call myself nonbinary, even if I literally am in the narrow definition of the term. I enjoy being transfem as a whole, but theres certain connotations and baggage with being a woman or a trans woman that I don't really appreciate.
"They/them" for me, I mostly heard when I was pre-boobs, pre-voice training, and overall was not subitized as a woman by most strangers. Well-meaning or not, the inkling there is that I am being seen as Less than a woman, and I've thankfully not had to hear they/them used on me in quite some time. I gather that many trans people feel this way.
"She/her" I tolerate, but I don't prefer it. Before I started passing to strangers, I mostly heard "she/her" around my family where it felt less than sincere. Being Genuinely Seen As A Woman is not something my family is capable of granting me; hearing them use She Her on me has always felt forced and will continue to do so. I am also wildly uncomfortable with cis people who do not see me as an equal, but still use my pronouns so they don't sound insane (the kind who will call you Dude just to get on your nerves). These two scenarios have kind of tainted the pronouns for me, to where it feels weird and dysphoric to accept them as part of my identity.
That being said, I don't despise being called by she/her. Our society at large really only knows three sets of pronouns for strangers, and she/her is by Far the most comfy one of them. My preferred pronouns are something I reserve for friends and those who can simply click on my profile to know the ettiquette. I don't expect people to read my mind, lol.
Despite that, I think neopronouns are Not Something To Get Upset Over Or Make Mean Spirited Fun Of. For me, it's simply a way of making room to express myself in the way I find comfortable, and not conceding my self-image to a label I do not relate to. Also, it serves as a litmus test for who denies, puts up with, or embraces my nuances and such. Below is a handy list of examples for how I use my pronouns.
"Let's ask what kind of Newports ae prefer"
"I stole money from aer back pocket to buy aer Newports"
"Newports? Aer gonna give aerself lung cancer."
"ae're going to the store later to pick up Newports."
"Don't buy aer that. Ae don't smoke."
This set of pronouns basically just uses whichever word is most phonetically similar to they, their, and her.
They are pronounced like how you'd naturally delete the first consonant of a pronoun when speaking. See the title of this spoiler box?
"I stole money from aer back pocket to buy aer Newports"
"Newports? Aer gonna give aerself lung cancer."
"ae're going to the store later to pick up Newports."
"Don't buy aer that. Ae don't smoke."
This set of pronouns basically just uses whichever word is most phonetically similar to they, their, and her.
They are pronounced like how you'd naturally delete the first consonant of a pronoun when speaking. See the title of this spoiler box?
Cheers all xoxo love from uppa. <3. <3
Here's where I'm at with neopronouns.
1) People should be free to explore gender, self-expression, and self-reference to find and use what works well for them. For some people, that is neopronouns, so good for them, and we should respect their self-conceptualizations.
2) The above shows I surface-level understand why people use neo-pronouns, but I still haven't really grokked the preference for them, specifically. I briefly experimented with them and it mostly bounced off. This could relate to my non-standard particularities on language use or categorizations, or both.
(A note. While I often like to see and learn from the experiences of people here and elsewhere, I didn't mention my failure to grok neopronouns as an intentional subtle request for people to explain them, it was just a matter of fact statement to explain my relationship to neopronouns.)
Resulting from this gap, in the few cases people around me use have used them, I generally have had great trouble internalizing and replicating their use of neopronouns. (To be clear, this statement, and its use of they/them, is plural and does not encompass you. I did not know you used neopronouns until now.) This trouble is a limitation on my end, not a stance – point 1 takes priority.
3) Your post gives me new insight on why people use neopronouns. Your situation and response is not a dynamic I had really considered, but I understand where you're coming from.
4) To me, it is a neopronoun. This is a "how things sit in my head," not me claiming that neopronouns should encompass this or that. It is of course a pre-existing word, but its new and non-standard status as a pronoun causes me to group it in here.
I conclude with a recommendation that, to me at least, isn't really related to neopronouns (and definitely is not a recommendation against them).
Yeah, I get what you mean. I'm in a similar boat, both long-term and with a specific situation I'm dealing with right now. However, I invite you to consider the possibility your feelings here and relationship to these pronouns may change in the future, and draw less from those using them in mean ways. These feelings and relationships have for me changed in some ways and will probably continue to.
Congratulations to you, your rich understanding of your pronoun landscape, and your finding of a pronoun that works well for you!
something that i think everyone needs to understand about pronouns as a whole is that in english theyre a form of gender expression, and with neopronouns in particular, theyre just a form of that gender expression beyond the strict spectrum of gender that most people have understanding of, but as a result, are basically only used in the most online of spaces where everyone understands that expression. ik i just put that very bluntly, so by no means do i want to diminish anyone who finds comfort in them because i think thats great for them, im glad you feel this way and more importantly that theres people who you can talk to about yourself in this way, gender truly is a fuck after all and express it however makes you feel best. its just that we do have to acknowledge that like 99.5% of people in the english language wont rly understand anything thats not he/she/they (and some of these people have trouble grasping singular they mind you). in any case, most of these people would have no idea what youre trying to convey when you use neopronouns to describe someone, does it mean closer to masculine or feminine traits, or something entirely beyond that spectrum? could there be a neopronoun that would feel more comfy to me than she/her? idk maybe, but where would i use that if im not in any spaces with people that understand what it means? thats my personal gripe with them for my own self which i understand that others wouldnt have and thats perfectly ok.
the reason i mention in the english language multiple times is that pronouns and gender expression in different languages can just be extremely different lmao. like some languages they dont rly have gendered pronouns, i know in hindi, gender is mainly expressed in other ways like following particles such ka, ke, and ki for example instead of the pronouns. other languages may have many different kinds of pronouns that are masculine, feminine, neutral, and then also used in different social situations. japanese is an example where even the first-person pronouns have like 5 different commonly used pronouns depending on the aforementioned situations i describe (watashi, atashi, uchi, ore, boku). anyone who actually knows japanese and isnt loading their knowledge from consuming games and anime can prob tell in more detail lol but i guess the point im getting here is that gender expression can be very different depending on what language youre speaking, and in a sense, the idea of neopronouns in the context of multiple pronouns for masc/fem/neutral arent wholly new. i know i kind of transformed this post from talking about neopronouns to just pronouns in diff languages but i think looking at diff languages can help understand how they communicate gender, which i think also helps with understanding neopronouns. like bloody hell if someone wanted to use a diff first-person pronoun for themselves since they feel more comfy with it, go ahead thats awesome for you ive no reason to diminish your comfort in that.
the reason i mention in the english language multiple times is that pronouns and gender expression in different languages can just be extremely different lmao. like some languages they dont rly have gendered pronouns, i know in hindi, gender is mainly expressed in other ways like following particles such ka, ke, and ki for example instead of the pronouns. other languages may have many different kinds of pronouns that are masculine, feminine, neutral, and then also used in different social situations. japanese is an example where even the first-person pronouns have like 5 different commonly used pronouns depending on the aforementioned situations i describe (watashi, atashi, uchi, ore, boku). anyone who actually knows japanese and isnt loading their knowledge from consuming games and anime can prob tell in more detail lol but i guess the point im getting here is that gender expression can be very different depending on what language youre speaking, and in a sense, the idea of neopronouns in the context of multiple pronouns for masc/fem/neutral arent wholly new. i know i kind of transformed this post from talking about neopronouns to just pronouns in diff languages but i think looking at diff languages can help understand how they communicate gender, which i think also helps with understanding neopronouns. like bloody hell if someone wanted to use a diff first-person pronoun for themselves since they feel more comfy with it, go ahead thats awesome for you ive no reason to diminish your comfort in that.
I reckon they probably will. That has happened every time I declared a set of pronouns to be mine. It'd be silly if I, a trans girl, suddenly decided that everything is now set in stone and my feelings surrounding it won't change my identity. That's the whole point of being trans hehe
I believe you're under a misconception with what my neopronouns are for and when they'e used. My social circle is not 99.5% of people. If I'd prefer a stranger stay a stranger, they will never know my preferred pronouns. The point of neopronouns (for me at least) is acknowledging that I dislike the baggage that comes with certain labels, and I am most comfortable being thought of and referred to in a way that makes me happy. "ae/aer" does not mean a woman, a man, or an androgynous person you see on the street. It's a term to be used by those familiar with me who understand my gender. It's difficult to articulate what it means further than that, I can't sum up who I am or how others view me in words. :p
Thats so real :3. I am AMAB and while I’ve been presenting as a woman irl it feels like there’s something missing or that I don’t deserve to be trans
Idk if what I’m saying even makes sense lol but i guess it’s kinda similar ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
hi everyone im pixie! im 26m and gay, lately i’ve been reconnecting with pokemon and gaming in general (:
i used to lurk under various usernames as a kid but never posted much, didn’t even remember the password to my accounts so i figured i should just make a new one
besides video games i love music, movies, everything art and pop culture
i’ve started out in the battle by post community here on smogon but I figured it was time to introduce myself elsewhere too!
i used to lurk under various usernames as a kid but never posted much, didn’t even remember the password to my accounts so i figured i should just make a new one
besides video games i love music, movies, everything art and pop culture
i’ve started out in the battle by post community here on smogon but I figured it was time to introduce myself elsewhere too!
thoughts recently. its kinda long so its a spoiler
I genuinely first heard about the lgbtqia community at the beginning of the pandemic, despite living in a very accepting city in California (you can probably imagine which one). from what I can recall, the idea of being gay, or trans, or falling into any part of the queer umbrella was almost non-existent in my personal life prior to that point, and I had little access to the internet. it was almost treated as a wholly negative thing. i think some of you can relate to hearing some stupid personal anecdote between your friends and someone else responding with "that's so gay"; that was literally the extent to which lgbtqia affected my life.
anyways, its covid and I'm exposed to different perspectives cuz I'm online all the time now. generally I presented myself as accepting of the community online, but amongst gcs with my friends, I would switch up. I said before that I live in a more liberal, accepting area, but most of my peers and classmates weren't that. they still aren't. I would argue they're either virtue signalers or straight up homophobes/transphobes. and as a dumbass school kid trying to fit in with my friends, I was also the same. but I believe that truly in my heart I never wanted to be a bigot in that way, as much as I tried convincing myself that it was funny.
i have a vivid memory of an interaction on my first day back to school in August 2021 after online classes. I was in gym class, and they were guiding every student to the locker rooms, which were gendered. there wasn't a unique all-gender locker room or anything like that. just boys, and girls. I'm standing around the gym when a random kid walks up to me and introduces themselves. they said they were trans, I cant remember if they were male to female or female to male, nor did they tell me their pronouns, so I will refer to them as they/them. they said they were confused and didn't know whether to go to the boys locker room or the girls room. I responded with the most conducive answer i could think of at the time. I said something along the lines of, "whatever you're comfortable with, and ask your teacher if you could use that room."
after the fact, I almost forgot about it since I never saw that kid again for the rest of the year. Over time, my perspective began to switch back and forth between what I said before. I would be lgbtqia-affirming if I was around the right people, and the opposite if I was around the wrong people. I guess that made me somewhat of a virtue signaler too. but I want to reiterate that the affirming perspective was the one I truly believed.
recently I had a convo with the person I care about the most in this world. I will not reveal this person's relation to me. she is bi and very accepting of the community. we were talking about lgbtqia rights and she brought up that interaction I had on that first day of school. she said my mom had told her what had happened and that she was proud of me for saying that. I was surprised she knew, but I guess I must've told my mom what happened that day and my mom told her. I was extremely happy that my sister thought that, especially since, like I said before, my opinions on the lgbtqia community would switch up dramatically during those times. I was just glad my sister had an example of what I truly thought about it.
as of now, my stance mostly remains the same as that interaction. people can identify with whatever gender they feel most comfortable, whatever pronouns they feel most comfortable. I have no right to choose an identification or pronouns for other people. as for me, I am a straight cis male. I use he/him pronouns. around a year ago I used to tell people I was bi but at the time I believe I was just confused about my orientation. to elaborate, I've found guys cute before, but i can find people attractive according to my standards without feeling an romantic or sexual attraction towards them. I've never felt romantically or sexually attracted to a guy before.
my parents are pretty conservative but they're generally tolerable towards the community. however, I feel like if I ever came out in the future, as gay or trans or anything else, they wouldn't be accepting of it. they don't care about others being lgbtqia but they wouldn't stand me being a part of the community. I am alternative and I've expressed interest in eyeliner. that's it. that's the only makeup I would ever put on. but I've never put on eyeliner in front of them because the first time i did it in front of my mom she freaked out and explained that she didn't want me to have eyeliner because she assumed that would evolve into me painting my nails. and then that would evolve into me becoming gay. I know its dumb. but that was her genuine thought process. I would never put makeup on in front of my dad because he would actually pass out and die. he's a lot more conservative than my mom.
again, not that I believe i'm queer. but its just something that's been on my mind recently.
to close off, I wanna motivate anyone reading this to not let anyone else or anything else stop you from aligning yourself with what you identify with the most. I've heard a lot of stories from friends who are scared to come out and truly be themselves because of unsupportive family members or an unsupportive environment in general, and I'm very bad with providing words of comfort, because words can only do so much, but I just want you to know that time will heal most, if not all. much love
anyways, its covid and I'm exposed to different perspectives cuz I'm online all the time now. generally I presented myself as accepting of the community online, but amongst gcs with my friends, I would switch up. I said before that I live in a more liberal, accepting area, but most of my peers and classmates weren't that. they still aren't. I would argue they're either virtue signalers or straight up homophobes/transphobes. and as a dumbass school kid trying to fit in with my friends, I was also the same. but I believe that truly in my heart I never wanted to be a bigot in that way, as much as I tried convincing myself that it was funny.
i have a vivid memory of an interaction on my first day back to school in August 2021 after online classes. I was in gym class, and they were guiding every student to the locker rooms, which were gendered. there wasn't a unique all-gender locker room or anything like that. just boys, and girls. I'm standing around the gym when a random kid walks up to me and introduces themselves. they said they were trans, I cant remember if they were male to female or female to male, nor did they tell me their pronouns, so I will refer to them as they/them. they said they were confused and didn't know whether to go to the boys locker room or the girls room. I responded with the most conducive answer i could think of at the time. I said something along the lines of, "whatever you're comfortable with, and ask your teacher if you could use that room."
after the fact, I almost forgot about it since I never saw that kid again for the rest of the year. Over time, my perspective began to switch back and forth between what I said before. I would be lgbtqia-affirming if I was around the right people, and the opposite if I was around the wrong people. I guess that made me somewhat of a virtue signaler too. but I want to reiterate that the affirming perspective was the one I truly believed.
recently I had a convo with the person I care about the most in this world. I will not reveal this person's relation to me. she is bi and very accepting of the community. we were talking about lgbtqia rights and she brought up that interaction I had on that first day of school. she said my mom had told her what had happened and that she was proud of me for saying that. I was surprised she knew, but I guess I must've told my mom what happened that day and my mom told her. I was extremely happy that my sister thought that, especially since, like I said before, my opinions on the lgbtqia community would switch up dramatically during those times. I was just glad my sister had an example of what I truly thought about it.
as of now, my stance mostly remains the same as that interaction. people can identify with whatever gender they feel most comfortable, whatever pronouns they feel most comfortable. I have no right to choose an identification or pronouns for other people. as for me, I am a straight cis male. I use he/him pronouns. around a year ago I used to tell people I was bi but at the time I believe I was just confused about my orientation. to elaborate, I've found guys cute before, but i can find people attractive according to my standards without feeling an romantic or sexual attraction towards them. I've never felt romantically or sexually attracted to a guy before.
my parents are pretty conservative but they're generally tolerable towards the community. however, I feel like if I ever came out in the future, as gay or trans or anything else, they wouldn't be accepting of it. they don't care about others being lgbtqia but they wouldn't stand me being a part of the community. I am alternative and I've expressed interest in eyeliner. that's it. that's the only makeup I would ever put on. but I've never put on eyeliner in front of them because the first time i did it in front of my mom she freaked out and explained that she didn't want me to have eyeliner because she assumed that would evolve into me painting my nails. and then that would evolve into me becoming gay. I know its dumb. but that was her genuine thought process. I would never put makeup on in front of my dad because he would actually pass out and die. he's a lot more conservative than my mom.
again, not that I believe i'm queer. but its just something that's been on my mind recently.
to close off, I wanna motivate anyone reading this to not let anyone else or anything else stop you from aligning yourself with what you identify with the most. I've heard a lot of stories from friends who are scared to come out and truly be themselves because of unsupportive family members or an unsupportive environment in general, and I'm very bad with providing words of comfort, because words can only do so much, but I just want you to know that time will heal most, if not all. much love
anyways
after a full year of attempting to wrangle insurance and make things happen, as of today i officially have a bottom surgery (at least, the version of it that works for my life) date. January 6th. truly surreal and amazing to think ill be starting the new year. well. yknow.
blah blah, It Gets Better, all that crap. i came out on this forum more than 6 years ago. insane shit. girls if there’s one skill you need in this life specifically it’s to learn to be strong and self advocate and push for what you want and need, always. passivity will get you nowhere.
after a full year of attempting to wrangle insurance and make things happen, as of today i officially have a bottom surgery (at least, the version of it that works for my life) date. January 6th. truly surreal and amazing to think ill be starting the new year. well. yknow.
blah blah, It Gets Better, all that crap. i came out on this forum more than 6 years ago. insane shit. girls if there’s one skill you need in this life specifically it’s to learn to be strong and self advocate and push for what you want and need, always. passivity will get you nowhere.
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No, i know 3 cool trans dudes from smeargles studio
figured out the reason to this!!! i really dislike "rigid" gender labels if that makes sense (a lot of the reason why i'm genderfluid is because i dislike being strictly one gender), and i feel like saying i'm cis/trans falls under that for me. while i do technically fall under the trans umbrella, saying i am feels like putting myself in a box even if by definition i am trans. not sure if this makes sense but it's the best way i can explain it, feel free to ask questions if you need to, idk how understandable this is to others
It brings tears of joy to my face seeing people talk about gendered pronouns and how anyone can use them whenever they want to, and not stereotyping them. Like damn, if someone wants to use They/them or He/Him because it makes them more comfortable then let them smfh.
Also as far as Japanese pronouns go, Boku and Ore are masc, Atashi is feminine, and Watashi and uchi are gender neutral, though Uchi is mostly used with people you’re close to, be it friends or family iirc.
Exactly. Everyone matters. We’re all human beings no matter who or what they are. And if people don’t like that then they can S-T-F-U and G-T-F-O!
Getting head pats for doing well in a meeting is something I didn't know I needed until today
thank you for this important contribution to the Queer Discourse.
in my defense the head pats in question were from a girl so it does fit this thread
I apologise for semi-horny posting tho. In my case it was an innocent display of affection but in hind sight I understand if you deem this inappropriate.
I will remove the post if I receieve a request to do so.
I apologise for semi-horny posting tho. In my case it was an innocent display of affection but in hind sight I understand if you deem this inappropriate.
I will remove the post if I receieve a request to do so.