Social LGBTQIA+

Hey all! I'm transfem!! (I think) :3

I'll prefer she/her but I won't be able to transition irl (or even change the pronouns on my discord bio to she/her because people irl have my discord) anytime in the foreseeable future because of where I live, the relatively hostile climate towards LGBTQ+ people here, traditional Chinese values & the fact that people I know irl are generally bigots so don't worry too much about pronouns.


Never really thought about my gender too much until recently when I nicknamed myself "Princess Cresselia" in a couple of discord servers with friends & I loved feeling be cute & being treated femininely. After this, something hit me a couple of days ago that I might not be cis, from then on, after talking with a few friends online, I came to this conclusion & came out in some very supportive discord servers like the Smogon Diplomacy discord & among the EiPP community.

There were definitely clues before this- for one, I enjoyed playing female characters more in video games- always told myself & people irl I was playing them based on mechanical reasons (F!Byleth in fe3h being able to autorecruit Sylvain, F!Alear in engage being able to take better advantage of some personal skills, May in Emerald having to read less dialogue from the rival, Zelda in ssbu being a fun character to play etc) although looking back these advantages were frankly quite minor & I was probably making excuses solely to have a reason to play the female character rather then actually playing female characters because of the mechanical benefits.

I also always loved the color pink & cute things- my parents disliked this & people irl thought I was weird for liking the cute Pokemon more then the edgy ones so I pretended for years my favorite color was blue/red & that I disliked cute Pokemon/characters in video games. Sounds super silly now, but then it felt like something I had to do. This facade only really came off not that long ago when I accepted that my favorite Pokemon was Cresselia & that Rosado from fe engage is one of my favorite fictional characters ever

I still have some doubts though. Rationally I definitely think I'll be happier female & I would 100% click a button that would turn me into a girl & make everyone I know think I was a girl the entire time, but obviously that is not possible irl. I don't feel like a girl whenever I look into the mirror or talk & it makes me feel like I'm just pretending online sometimes & it feels like shit.

My irl environment also sucks a lot- I hear slurs daily at school & basically every person there is extremely bigoted despite my school being quite progressive for a school in HK. My parents found out I was trans after my mother went through my Discord dms because I slipped up a bit irl, and she called me brainwashed & called the friends who were incredibly supportive of me bad things that I know they aren't. We had a massive argument and I ended up kicking a door really hard & broke a toenail after the terrible things she said about my friends & her calling trans people mentally ill. She did end up saying I'll always be her child regardless though so idfk what to think, but this argument still fucked up my irl pretty badly and I have been emotional & grumpy & useless & ridiculously sleepy (napping for 3 hours+ for like 3-4 days in a row) ever since it happened. I know logically this can't continue but sleeping to cope feels so fucking good because I can just pretend nothing ever happened while hugging my pillow.

With that said though, people online have been amazingly supportive of me in contrast to how fucked up things are irl. It might be unhealthy, but I feel much closer to people I know on the internet as compared to irl. Shoutouts to people in the EiPP community who have been nothing short of perfect & amazing & made me feel as comfortable as possible: SwiftIsSlow teamo Mossy Sandwich OM Munchy_Axolotls FrootLoops007 Sabby60 YashGreninja and plenty more people who don't have/use smogon are some of the greatest people I've ever interacted with & I count myself lucky to know you all. I also deeply appreciate the circus/smogdip community: LonelyNess a fairy Celever Dead by Daylight pulsar512b sunny004 Alice Kazumi StupidFlandrs48 Blazade Magic Mayhem Maiden JALMONT Da Letter El and many more - you all are so cool & supportive & it warms my heart that I'm able to interact with you. Finally, shoutouts to ionnss USN and tkhanh sundays for being great friends in APTH & my entire Smogon journey. I truly love all of you.

Apologies for the textdump- but it felt nice getting that off my chest and even though it won't solve my probkems venting it out did make me happier & its better then bedrotting like I've done for the past couple of days. Thank you if you read all of this- truly appreciate it.
shit comrade, sorry for the circumstances.
no matter what, you will always be valid.

Can I see your rainbow permit
officer I'm bisexual I swear!
 
bit of a weird question but i was wondering if any londoners in this thread had any recommendations for queer spots to hang out at? i'm travelling there soon! would prefer spaces that aren't focused around alcohol, but if you really like a gay bar by all means send it my way also. would also love to know any websites for queer events and other things to do. i am asexual also so if there's any ace-specific stuff, you can lemme know about that as well!

dms are open too if you guys wanna suggest something but don't wanna post it in a public thread for any reason at all, can dm me here or on discord @ mega_gengar :D thank you so much!
 
So I heard a new word for the first time on the Internet the other day and while I never thought I’d say this out loud, I guess life is full of surprises because this one word alone might explain at least half of my problems with real life relationships.

The word in question is “fictosexual”. Enjoy this moment in history while it lasts, folks, because this one of the only times in history you will ever see me willingly type the word “sexual” into a keyboard in any context out of fear of my devices’ spell check system and the purity of my brain. The way I word this word described in… I want to say it was a TikTok video talking about character writing, is simple enough to understand- it just means there’s attraction to fictional characters going on.

It might be helpful if I provide some context of the situation and why I’m posting about this. I’m sure growing up we all had things like fictional crushes and, dare I say the word, ships we liked, thing along those lines. As luck would have it, along with all the other things these games did for me, the Pokémon Ranger games, of all things, introduced me to the idea of character shipping and relationships in general. I will not specify which character, but there was one in particular as far back as junior high school that was a topic of discussion. The problem? This was right around the same time I was playing junior high soccer, and it was a co-ed league. Normally that wouldn’t have anything to do with this, but there was an ongoing rumor turned inside joke at the time that me and some of the girls on a rival team really liked each other. Whether or not anyone actually did was never confirmed, but because the idea of crushes and relationships was relevant at the time, this in turn led to a second inside joke, this time with my best friends, that me and the fictional character in question liked each other with one friend in particular dropping an innuendo so clever I didn’t even recognize until a few years later. This… this is where things get messy.

Time went on as normal for a while, well, aside from the pandemic, anyway, and during the time stretch from the second half of 2020 to the first half of 2021 I was starting to develop a crush for someone in the high school grade below ours. It was also during this time that I started releasing chapters of my first-ever Pokémon fanfic as part of my celebration of ten years of being a Pokémon fan, alongside ten years of Guardian Signs’s release in North America in October 2010 right around the exact time I became a Pokémon fan. You might be able to see where this is going. My 2021-22 college year, and the summer break beforehand, were… uh… not great, to put it mildly? They were so bad that I scrapped the rest of the fanfic outright and lost all motivation to want to talk to my crush again going forward. The whole year put a massive damper on my view on relationships and for a while now I’ve genuinely started asking myself if I’ve been aromantic or something similar this entire time.

And then I took another look at my old story documents (I prefer to type my writing before sharing anything), and I noticed something. I couldn’t be aromantic. Without realizing I was doing it at first, I was coping with my own social anxiety by reading and taking inspirations from other people’s older stories and one-shots from the 2010s, and if you know anything about the Pokémon Ranger fandom… let’s just say there’s a lot of freaking shipping going on. My “canon storyline”, so to speak, had always been designed around the idea of me as a self-insert protagonist not unlike “Satoshi” from the anime or, more recently, Arven’s character in Scarlet & Violet. Suffice to say, the end result of almost five years worth of scrapped writing, yearly Pokémon releases on Switch, and me questioning my own views on relationships was me starting to prefer how things were in my own literal fantasy land- that is, the fictional world, over the real life equivalent of these things which has been ruined for me. But can you really blame me? All manner of relationships would be ruined for you too if you got to hear some of the absolutely disgusting things I thought I’d never hear at a a school like mine, if you know what I mean. :worrywhirl:

If you’ve read this far and still haven’t figured out what I’m trying to say here, first of all, thank you for your extreme patience, and most importantly, yes, there was a time when I actually gave some thought to the idea that I liked fictional characters more than real people. It doesn’t help that a certain character from Legends Arceus feels like a blatantly obvious attempt at mocking me, what with her choice in Pokémon, allegiance to the clans, and the fact she’s a shy, short (the hair is short, I mean) blonde haired flute player… yeah, you’re not fooling anyone, Brain. One of my friends was very quick to point out the similarities between You-Know-Who and both myself and that crush I had for a while, but I think what my friend was actually trying to do all along in 2022 was introduce me to her character in the game as a way to help me cope with the disaster of a 2021-22 year that was unfolding. So yes, a fictional character did unironically save my life from my depression worsening, thank you very much.
 
I did probably one of the most down bad things I've ever done. I was watching a play and at intermission I wanted to go get food and then I saw this cute guy working the concession stand and thats the story of how I spent 16 bucks on a slushy. He complimented how I looked in my jumper though :)
a win / win though, a cheap slushy in today's economy and a compliment from a cute guy.
 
do i not know what a slushy is or is this not USD because 16 dollars for a slushy needs the FBI called on them or something
it was 8 pounds and im canadian so i just double everything icl. i did the conversion though and it's only 14.90 CAD which is only 11 bucks ish in USD so it's less bad! and like sheepie said i got a compliment from a cute guy which basically means the slushy was free
 
IMG_0386.jpeg
felt eyes piercing into us like daggers when we went alone to a restaurant that a shitton of large homecoming groups were also at. worth it tho bc i fell asleep in his arms that night #homosexual
 
gender update i don't think i'm trans or cis

i don't have a good explanation as to why i feel this way? i don't identify with being male at all as of now so i'm definitely not cis, but saying i'm trans just doesn't feel right either. i'm pretty sure i should fall under the transgender umbrella but it doesn't feel right to call myself that. why are labels like this

hoping no one irl finds my smogon i'm not ready to come out at all
 
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