I hope that one day we can achieve a world where LGBTQ+ people need no fear of harm or death being brought upon them for being who they are. For everyone's sake.
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- Thread starter dhelmise
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Can anyone help me out? I'm a mega straight dude and don't really have much knowledge about the etiquette of asking somebody about their sexuality/other stuff. I often am pretty curious and ask alot of questions, and sometimes offend people with them. I just recently lost a good friend because of this, so I wanna learn to fix my mistakes. I won't say who it is, but if you are reading this (I hope you are >.<) I would just like to say i'm very sorry and am trying to change my ways. Anyways, I come from an Asian family, so LGBTQIA+ wasn't something discussed much with us. I am in no way Homophobic/Transphobic/all the other stuff though. If any of ya'll could answer my questions, I would be very happy :)
1. If you are a Guy and you are Gay then become Trans --> Transfemme, Do you now like Women? My logic for this one is that Gay = U like the same sex, and because you now are a Woman, you like other Women.
2. What is a polite way to ask for somebody's sexuality, gender and other stuff?
3. How do you identify feelings of being gay/not straight (idk how to call the rest)?
4. Saying that a Transfemme's voice is not feminine is offensive (I think). Can anyone tell me why? Because thats what you hear so why would it be offensive to them? Just a bit confused.
5. For my fellow Asians/or anyone else, can you tell me your story about coming out to your parents/not coming out?
Anyways, I thank ya'll for your help, I really want to amend my mistakes by changing my ways, and to the person that I offended, I'm very sorry and hope that we can be friends again (not just accepting my friend request on discord and ignoring me!!)
1. If you are a Guy and you are Gay then become Trans --> Transfemme, Do you now like Women? My logic for this one is that Gay = U like the same sex, and because you now are a Woman, you like other Women.
2. What is a polite way to ask for somebody's sexuality, gender and other stuff?
3. How do you identify feelings of being gay/not straight (idk how to call the rest)?
4. Saying that a Transfemme's voice is not feminine is offensive (I think). Can anyone tell me why? Because thats what you hear so why would it be offensive to them? Just a bit confused.
5. For my fellow Asians/or anyone else, can you tell me your story about coming out to your parents/not coming out?
Anyways, I thank ya'll for your help, I really want to amend my mistakes by changing my ways, and to the person that I offended, I'm very sorry and hope that we can be friends again (not just accepting my friend request on discord and ignoring me!!)
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Transfemme is being male at birth but identify more with a feminine gender expression than a masculine one. It says nothing about a person sexual preferences.
Sex is about your body, gender is about who you feel yourself to be, and sexual orientation is about to whom you’re attracted sexually. Transfemme falls under the gender category.
In which context? A person you just met? A friend? Someone you are interested in? There is no reply that fits all but the more you know the person the easier is to get them to tell you, just don't be rude about it.
A lot of people can't even identify it until late in life. I know someone that came out as gay in their late 60s. It can be that someone gradually realizes it that they prefer men/women or just you have x experience and something clicks in you and you realize it. I'm not gay myself so I can't reply this well.
It's just rude in general, it doesn't need to be transfemme. Don't go out there calling people not femenine or masculine when it's uncalled.
Usually, that just means you become straight. The example you gave would probably go from a man that only liked other men to a woman who only likes men. Of course, things aren't super straight (haha) forward, as transitioning can often lead people to explore, question and doubt their sexuality alongside their gender. It can be case by case.
In general though, gender and sexuality are separate, so shifts, changes etc don't necessaritly change the other.
It depends a lot on context. First, make sure that its a safe space for people to ask, some can be in the closet because of personal hurdles, family issues, discriminatory laws etc. If someone doesn't want to reply, don't push it.
If its safe and chill though, for friends and acquaintances you can probably just ask "are you gay/trans?". For people who are distant/strangers, if you're not in a context that requires it (i.e dating scene, medical etc), it's often better to move on or let them bring it up.
This isn't a 100% guaranteed guide though, it really depends on who you're talking to, how close you are to them and what's the context of your convo.
For some it's always been a basic fact. In the same way someone looks at a dog and goes I like dogs, they realize they like the same gender or that they're a different gender. For others, it comes from exploration, interacting with queer folk, sometimes facing of denial etc. I went through the entire LGBT acrononym before I settled on being a trans lesbian lol. Some people figure it out in one go, others end up changing what they are etc. It's part of finding yourself
In the same way saying "your hair looks bad" to someone who knows they got a bad haircut is rude. for some transfems it can feel insensitive and trigger dysphoria. They know their voices are low, and its something they dont like about their bodies and knowing others can notice it can make you feel worse. Of course, we're not a monolith, and some of us enjoy our deep voices or don't care, but just be considerate :)
I am asian but I'm an orphan so I can't really answer the parents one LOL
hi there, am i nonbinary?
i am a male, and i dont care that i am a male. i dont care what i am. i dont care what pronouns describe me, and if i knew for a fact i was non binary, i would take absolutely no action in being refered to as such. i physically couldnt care less avout my gender. does this make me non-binary, or am i something else?
i am a male, and i dont care that i am a male. i dont care what i am. i dont care what pronouns describe me, and if i knew for a fact i was non binary, i would take absolutely no action in being refered to as such. i physically couldnt care less avout my gender. does this make me non-binary, or am i something else?
You'd be nonbinary in that case if you preferred the label, or you could just be "cis in the sense that you aren't super concerned about being cis." There are both nonbinary people and cis people who feel the same way as you.
The lines of gender are weird and complicated, and ultimately no one can make the call but you. That's smth you gotta explore a bit, try things on, try being an "any pronouns" sort and see if it feels right. The cool thing about labels is, you can always change your mind and shift to something that feels more right.
Take it from someone who thought he was happy just being a butch lesbian for a long time lmao.
this is a great way of putting it. do some exploring! gender and sexuality are both practically impossible to describe perfectly. we just use words since humans like to categorize by nature. if you think you're non-binary, cool! if not, great! what matters is that you're happy with it and you think it fits you.
with that said, and the disclaimer i'm just a boring trans girl and not NB, i think one identity you might be keenly interested in looking into is agender. i know some peeps who are agender and one of them has described something very similar to what you've described in your OP. not saying it's your silver bullet, but that'd be my recommendation for your next research :)
Gonna start on my Pokemon pride banners early. Just picking out the mons is fun.
I feel like I have a very weird relationship with gender because of me being in the closet and it make it awkward to me internally. Especially when I know that, for the foreseeable future, I am absolutely staying in the closet- socially conservative parents and it is not reasonable to move out yet because community college.
Do any other trans people here who've had a similar experience tell me ways y'all've coped with this? I only really accepted I am trans this year, so I am not entirely sure how to deal with it. And my own mind with internalized transphobia at times.
Sorry if this is not an appropriate post, let me know if it isn't.
Do any other trans people here who've had a similar experience tell me ways y'all've coped with this? I only really accepted I am trans this year, so I am not entirely sure how to deal with it. And my own mind with internalized transphobia at times.
Sorry if this is not an appropriate post, let me know if it isn't.
I "realized" I was trans last week. It has been really difficult to accept my feelings because for years I dismissed them (though all the signs were there) and lack of understanding and knowledge about transgender experiences. But hey, at least I know now! I'm only out to one other person and while I know my family is accepting of trans people (my sister is trans and they have been supportive) I still don't know when I want to come out. One of my closest friends is from a conservative background and I'm not sure how he will take it.
Unless you believe they'll check your phone in the airport stay, I don't see it being a problem. Tourists often can get by a lot of stuff vs people who live in the countries themselves, and youre barely a tourist and more so a passerby
In a slightly different situation, as I'm safe to be out to some family but not others, and I'm barred from transition more by financial reasons, but the closeted experience sucks and there is no magic bandaid solution. The most I can say to you is that you should start making moves now to focus on eventual independence. Get through college, learn skills you'll need to live on your own such as cooking and driving, and be prepared to fly the coop as soon as you can. Try to visualize your life as an out trans person and being happy in a few years, and focus on that visualization, because if you get bogged down in the present, it might become overwhelming.
And you are always welcome to live your true experience online. Just be careful, some trans spaces are friendlier than others.
I also cope a lot with art and writing, which could help you. Hobbies are immensely therapeutic. Many trans people who have not been able to transition have poured their souls into music, writing, art, photography-- anything that can give you joy and expression. You may have to work on keeping some stuff private, as I don't know how controlling your parents are, but it might still provide some outlet for your feelings that is constructive and helpful.
Massive trigger warnings for sex, SA, overall trauma, and generally vaguely adult themes.
Okay!
First, let's go ahead and take a quick step back in time. The year? 2020, with the New Year fast approaching. I, a woman seventeen years of age and filled with enough poorly managed rage to kill a large and robust Viking berserker, am in the midst of a catastrophic breakdown after being hurt by someone I had very wrongly trusted... again. At the center of this breakdown is a simple idea - that my relationship with sex and with my originally healthy sexuality had become so irrevocably damaged by the misconduct of adults in my life online that I couldn't bear the thought of intimacy with the boy I was now swiftly falling head-over-heels for. After realizing much too late that vengeance against random people who had done, like, literally nothing to me was not the path to inner peace, I resolved to set off on a journey to heal myself and find a way to reclaim the healthy sexuality I had been wrongfully denied. This beautiful journey of healing and self-rediscovery ultimately reached its resolution toward the end of February 2021, when I started identifying as asexual and simply put the whole topic in a little box that I never needed to open or think about again! Wait, hold on - what??
That's right, gaymers of Smogon - you might have guessed it by now, or maybe you're one of the people close enough to me to already know, but after nearly three full years of identifying as a strictly sex-repulsed asexual, I've completely abandoned the label in favor of something a little more honest, a little more fair to myself, and a little more fluidly Me. I've decided to write this post because I hope that maybe, someday, somebody in a similar situation might read it and take something away from it, and also because I think it's extremely important to always be willing to accept changes in your understanding of self, and this story is a great example of why.
This whole thing began (again) in June of this past year. Having been on HRT for a little over a year at that point, one might say I was experiencing something of an incomprehensibly massive glow-up, and I was simultaneously beginning to have some confusing thoughts about my sexuality. The previously very liberating asexuality that I had found constant comfort in for years at that point was beginning to feel terribly restricting, horribly dishonest, and remarkably flawed as a descriptor of my feelings and experiences regarding attraction and sexuality. I attended my first major Pride event that month, and leaned into celebrating my transsexuality quite a bit, deciding to dress in a way that, despite being relatively mild all the same, even the year before would've been far "too much" for my sensibilities - would've threatened the crystalline, rigid rules of the "asexuality bubble" I had put myself in. I would be lying if I said that then and there I understood everything completely, but I can't deny that day had a massive lasting impact on me. Eventually, my boyfriend (remember the guy from earlier?) and I found a cute little vendor tent set up by a local organization of asexuals, and though we got to talking, I quickly and immediately realized that I simply had no common ground with these people anymore. Everything I said felt slightly dishonest, and everything they said felt slightly foreign - I felt more genuinely Me amongst the several shy lesbians trying to flirt with me the whole day, and that was definitely a surprise. I now can look back on these moments and realize that they were the first instance of cracks starting to show in a protective facade that I had truly once believed to be just as real as the experiences of the asexual folks in that tent.
I think, were it not for one additional thing going on in my life last summer, I might never have developed those thoughts any further than they progressed that day, and instead would have simply buried them even further. Thankfully, at the same time that I was being confronted with new and confusing thoughts about an identity I had avoided ever questioning, I was also debating adding Progesterone as a supplementary HRT medication. As anyone familiar with transfeminine HRT might know, P has potentially massive long-term health benefits, with one small caveat: it can also notably increase sex drive. I was, frankly, kind of embarrassingly now, terrified. That fear of being somehow forced to reckon with the trauma and the difficulties I had buried immediately shone a light on how remarkably fragile my concept of my sexuality had become, and how, in my case, it was largely formulated as a means of stepping outside of a system that had harmed me, rather than as something innate or representative of how I wanted to live or be. I immediately got to work trying to figure out a better way forward, deep-diving feminist theories of sexual liberation, queer theory, endless amounts of introspection, and most of all, starting P whether I was scared of it or not. Months went by, and though I became a well-read and formidable feminist, I can't say I was able to salvage asexuality. No matter how I looked at it, my understanding of my sexuality was ultimately broken down into something like this:
So now I'm here. It feels almost as impossible that I've entirely abandoned asexuality as it does that I ever thought it was an accurate label for me in the first place. I owe my life to asexuality and the ace community, and that is something that I cannot overshadow or neglect to say. Although it turned out in the end, even though I'm a little butthurt to say it, that I was just a teenager with a lot of trauma who found a label that gave me comfort and respite, it was still a label that gave me comfort and respite, and I have nothing but respect for those for whom it is something much more. Personally, though, it doesn't work - I just need feminism I think, and gradual, active healing, not to stay outside the paradigm entirely. For me, just as the world of sexuality once felt like a harmful prison, the world of asexuality does now. It feels like something that, despite the incredible diversity of identities under its umbrella, can only restrict me. I want to celebrate the complicated sexuality I do have, and the healing that I continue to do to find something fully divorced from what I was exposed to as a teenager. I want to be an unfiltered, honest version of myself, dressing how I please and engaging with others in ways that work for me. I want to be seen as the person I have become, rather than as a label that defines me. I will always have a complicated and difficult relationship with sex - I will always have needs that are hard to meet, but gosh it's kind of great to think that I can still navigate that if I want to, and how I want to. I'm empowered with the force of several years of experience and feminist rage that will let me be strong, confident, and clear about what I want. To never, ever be at either end of the violence I once saw as synonymous with sex. I think that's the true moral of what I am trying to say here. Always be willing to reexamine and reevaluate your identity, and when the rigid label starts to feel like less of a firm philosophy and more of an oppressive prison, toss it to the wayside and live your best queer life without it and you'll be happier for it - you owe it to your younger self to do that. You never know, your seventeen-year-old self's "absolutely never" may just turn out to be your Current You's "weekend plans..." ;)
Okay!
First, let's go ahead and take a quick step back in time. The year? 2020, with the New Year fast approaching. I, a woman seventeen years of age and filled with enough poorly managed rage to kill a large and robust Viking berserker, am in the midst of a catastrophic breakdown after being hurt by someone I had very wrongly trusted... again. At the center of this breakdown is a simple idea - that my relationship with sex and with my originally healthy sexuality had become so irrevocably damaged by the misconduct of adults in my life online that I couldn't bear the thought of intimacy with the boy I was now swiftly falling head-over-heels for. After realizing much too late that vengeance against random people who had done, like, literally nothing to me was not the path to inner peace, I resolved to set off on a journey to heal myself and find a way to reclaim the healthy sexuality I had been wrongfully denied. This beautiful journey of healing and self-rediscovery ultimately reached its resolution toward the end of February 2021, when I started identifying as asexual and simply put the whole topic in a little box that I never needed to open or think about again! Wait, hold on - what??
That's right, gaymers of Smogon - you might have guessed it by now, or maybe you're one of the people close enough to me to already know, but after nearly three full years of identifying as a strictly sex-repulsed asexual, I've completely abandoned the label in favor of something a little more honest, a little more fair to myself, and a little more fluidly Me. I've decided to write this post because I hope that maybe, someday, somebody in a similar situation might read it and take something away from it, and also because I think it's extremely important to always be willing to accept changes in your understanding of self, and this story is a great example of why.
This whole thing began (again) in June of this past year. Having been on HRT for a little over a year at that point, one might say I was experiencing something of an incomprehensibly massive glow-up, and I was simultaneously beginning to have some confusing thoughts about my sexuality. The previously very liberating asexuality that I had found constant comfort in for years at that point was beginning to feel terribly restricting, horribly dishonest, and remarkably flawed as a descriptor of my feelings and experiences regarding attraction and sexuality. I attended my first major Pride event that month, and leaned into celebrating my transsexuality quite a bit, deciding to dress in a way that, despite being relatively mild all the same, even the year before would've been far "too much" for my sensibilities - would've threatened the crystalline, rigid rules of the "asexuality bubble" I had put myself in. I would be lying if I said that then and there I understood everything completely, but I can't deny that day had a massive lasting impact on me. Eventually, my boyfriend (remember the guy from earlier?) and I found a cute little vendor tent set up by a local organization of asexuals, and though we got to talking, I quickly and immediately realized that I simply had no common ground with these people anymore. Everything I said felt slightly dishonest, and everything they said felt slightly foreign - I felt more genuinely Me amongst the several shy lesbians trying to flirt with me the whole day, and that was definitely a surprise. I now can look back on these moments and realize that they were the first instance of cracks starting to show in a protective facade that I had truly once believed to be just as real as the experiences of the asexual folks in that tent.
I think, were it not for one additional thing going on in my life last summer, I might never have developed those thoughts any further than they progressed that day, and instead would have simply buried them even further. Thankfully, at the same time that I was being confronted with new and confusing thoughts about an identity I had avoided ever questioning, I was also debating adding Progesterone as a supplementary HRT medication. As anyone familiar with transfeminine HRT might know, P has potentially massive long-term health benefits, with one small caveat: it can also notably increase sex drive. I was, frankly, kind of embarrassingly now, terrified. That fear of being somehow forced to reckon with the trauma and the difficulties I had buried immediately shone a light on how remarkably fragile my concept of my sexuality had become, and how, in my case, it was largely formulated as a means of stepping outside of a system that had harmed me, rather than as something innate or representative of how I wanted to live or be. I immediately got to work trying to figure out a better way forward, deep-diving feminist theories of sexual liberation, queer theory, endless amounts of introspection, and most of all, starting P whether I was scared of it or not. Months went by, and though I became a well-read and formidable feminist, I can't say I was able to salvage asexuality. No matter how I looked at it, my understanding of my sexuality was ultimately broken down into something like this:
- I had been a victim of sexual misconduct and exposure to pornography by adults starting at the age of 13 and then repeatedly for the rest of my teenage years by different people at different times.
- As a result, my sexuality developed in a malformed and toxic way that left me to always subconsciously equate sex with violence as is commonplace in pornography, and sexuality in general with the mistreatment I had received.
- When I was faced with overwhelming trauma in 2020 at the realization I had again been mistreated by someone I thought was my friend, I turned to a "false asexuality" as an escape by simply opting out of the normative sexuality that had harmed me.
- This felt liberating for a time because it meant that I was wholly separate from sex, and could heal however I wanted without the fear of ever going back to the (objectively despicable) concepts I had intrinsically associated in my mind with sex and sexuality.
- Now, at the age of 20, having become more comfortable in myself and much further out from my trauma, just as sex and sexuality had once felt like concepts that would restrict me to a life of pain and mistreatment, especially as a trans woman, asexuality now also felt like a concept that would restrict me to a life of feeling unfulfilled, dishonest, and overly filtered in my behavior and personality, because it didn't allow me any room for the continued growth I was now experiencing.
So now I'm here. It feels almost as impossible that I've entirely abandoned asexuality as it does that I ever thought it was an accurate label for me in the first place. I owe my life to asexuality and the ace community, and that is something that I cannot overshadow or neglect to say. Although it turned out in the end, even though I'm a little butthurt to say it, that I was just a teenager with a lot of trauma who found a label that gave me comfort and respite, it was still a label that gave me comfort and respite, and I have nothing but respect for those for whom it is something much more. Personally, though, it doesn't work - I just need feminism I think, and gradual, active healing, not to stay outside the paradigm entirely. For me, just as the world of sexuality once felt like a harmful prison, the world of asexuality does now. It feels like something that, despite the incredible diversity of identities under its umbrella, can only restrict me. I want to celebrate the complicated sexuality I do have, and the healing that I continue to do to find something fully divorced from what I was exposed to as a teenager. I want to be an unfiltered, honest version of myself, dressing how I please and engaging with others in ways that work for me. I want to be seen as the person I have become, rather than as a label that defines me. I will always have a complicated and difficult relationship with sex - I will always have needs that are hard to meet, but gosh it's kind of great to think that I can still navigate that if I want to, and how I want to. I'm empowered with the force of several years of experience and feminist rage that will let me be strong, confident, and clear about what I want. To never, ever be at either end of the violence I once saw as synonymous with sex. I think that's the true moral of what I am trying to say here. Always be willing to reexamine and reevaluate your identity, and when the rigid label starts to feel like less of a firm philosophy and more of an oppressive prison, toss it to the wayside and live your best queer life without it and you'll be happier for it - you owe it to your younger self to do that. You never know, your seventeen-year-old self's "absolutely never" may just turn out to be your Current You's "weekend plans..." ;)
I seriously struggle with trying to understand what I am. For the past couple years I've been trying to figure out what it means to be me. I like to think I'm a rather empathetic and emotional person. One of my main strengths is being able to grasp how other people feel even when I'm disconnected with them. But I only barely understand myself.
I am an AMAB and I've known that I'm not that for quite a long time at this point. Late last year I got to talking to a lot more queer people and started to try to understand their experiences. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I am a transfem. I came out to some people I trust, but not my parents. Notably I felt some minor push back from my therapist when I discussed my identity. He seemed confused of sorts and I didn't take well to that. I've never brought up my identity since and he's never addressed it since. I don't want to address it because my brain is broken. I live off of loss aversion. I must be perfect in everything or I will (mentally) punish myself for it. For some of the dumb things I've done I punished myself for many years. This is also why I didn't come out to my parents. I live in the southern US and while my parents seemingly vote Republican, they seem to be that kind of moderate fiscal conservative. I've explored my identity a bit with my mom in the past (wearing make-up, doing my hair) and she was honestly quite receptive. She supported me for who I am. I very much trust her, honestly. My dad is a very quiet man. I deeply love and respect him, but he does not speak much. In that regard I have no idea how he'd respond. I'm decently confident he'd go with whatever my mom feels, but I can never know for certain.
This kind of game theory is bad for me in every sense, but it's so ingrained into my logic circuits that I don't know if I can't get it out. I've learned to like myself more as of late at least, but I still struggle with taking solid steps forward for fear I will lose it all. I am going to go to college soon and while honestly I could probably get through life financially without them as they don't plan to pay much for my college anyways, I still do want to talk to them and visit them often while in college.
After identifying as trans for a few months and going by she/her in discords I was in I felt something wrong in my heart. I know I have some femininity within me, but it's very raw and undeveloped. I'm pretty sure the only way to figure out how much I actually have and how I want to express it is to just try new things out but that's just very scary atm. Ultimately I've decided to identify as NB while I figure out who I am. I'm just not comfortable with identifying as a girl when I don't know how much of a girl I am. I could call myself demifemme but that identity is very new to me and I'm still exploring it.
As of late I've been going to a doctor for some health issues and she noticed that my testosterone is unusually low for a male my age. She sent me over to an endocrinologist and I came out to her as a transfem. She said that there was stuff I could do if I wanted to start transitioning and I declined but she did ask me a much more important question, do I want to do anything about my low T? I've thought about it a lot and I honestly think the answer is no as I don't have much desire to become more masculine (is that what T even does? Any transmac people here who can help?) but then I will probably have to explain to my parents why and I'll have to come out. There is a possible clock on my closet, that scares me a lot.
Sorry this post is such a ramble, I just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings on paper somewhere. Thanks
I am an AMAB and I've known that I'm not that for quite a long time at this point. Late last year I got to talking to a lot more queer people and started to try to understand their experiences. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I am a transfem. I came out to some people I trust, but not my parents. Notably I felt some minor push back from my therapist when I discussed my identity. He seemed confused of sorts and I didn't take well to that. I've never brought up my identity since and he's never addressed it since. I don't want to address it because my brain is broken. I live off of loss aversion. I must be perfect in everything or I will (mentally) punish myself for it. For some of the dumb things I've done I punished myself for many years. This is also why I didn't come out to my parents. I live in the southern US and while my parents seemingly vote Republican, they seem to be that kind of moderate fiscal conservative. I've explored my identity a bit with my mom in the past (wearing make-up, doing my hair) and she was honestly quite receptive. She supported me for who I am. I very much trust her, honestly. My dad is a very quiet man. I deeply love and respect him, but he does not speak much. In that regard I have no idea how he'd respond. I'm decently confident he'd go with whatever my mom feels, but I can never know for certain.
This kind of game theory is bad for me in every sense, but it's so ingrained into my logic circuits that I don't know if I can't get it out. I've learned to like myself more as of late at least, but I still struggle with taking solid steps forward for fear I will lose it all. I am going to go to college soon and while honestly I could probably get through life financially without them as they don't plan to pay much for my college anyways, I still do want to talk to them and visit them often while in college.
After identifying as trans for a few months and going by she/her in discords I was in I felt something wrong in my heart. I know I have some femininity within me, but it's very raw and undeveloped. I'm pretty sure the only way to figure out how much I actually have and how I want to express it is to just try new things out but that's just very scary atm. Ultimately I've decided to identify as NB while I figure out who I am. I'm just not comfortable with identifying as a girl when I don't know how much of a girl I am. I could call myself demifemme but that identity is very new to me and I'm still exploring it.
As of late I've been going to a doctor for some health issues and she noticed that my testosterone is unusually low for a male my age. She sent me over to an endocrinologist and I came out to her as a transfem. She said that there was stuff I could do if I wanted to start transitioning and I declined but she did ask me a much more important question, do I want to do anything about my low T? I've thought about it a lot and I honestly think the answer is no as I don't have much desire to become more masculine (is that what T even does? Any transmac people here who can help?) but then I will probably have to explain to my parents why and I'll have to come out. There is a possible clock on my closet, that scares me a lot.
Sorry this post is such a ramble, I just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings on paper somewhere. Thanks
Transitioning into T when your body makes estrogen does give you more masculine traits, but if you've always had testosterone the main effects of low t are health related. Fatigue, lack of sex drive, hair loss etc. Not to say there wouldn't be any effects on your appearance but they would be minor.
Our hormones are important to our health beyond just our junk and how we look so if your testosterone levels do get really low its probably good to do t injections (or go on estrogen?), but since you weren't asked that i assume you're just a little below average, which is normal.
posts wiped, please drop that discussion ty
I'm a political science student and I'm extremely worried about the future 1-2 years from now and what it'll mean for many of us. If you're not aware already there's a lot of pressure building for a Conservative blowout in Canada at a time where there were massive demos across the country against LGBTQIA2S rights, the likely government-to-be is currently complaining that "parents' rights" (to abuse queer kids) aren't being respected. There's been a total collapse of political support for any sort of progressive party and it largely has to do with the support of American groups and media across the border. Moreover, basically every province in the country is run by a conservative government, meaning that we're going to see further autocratic attempts to shore up their power. We're very likely to see the overturning of a bunch of things, including attempts to rewrite 20 years of jurisprudence recognising queer rights in the Charter.
But what really fucking bothers me is how many "allies" across the political spectrum are abandoning us over shit like foreign policy and "the economy" (it's never actually about the economy). I've been doing Palestine marches for a decade now and never would we have accepted homophobes marching with outright fascists before. Now it seems a lot of the terminally online communists in my area that would post (and nothing else) about "punching racists" and fighting homophobia don't seem to have a problem now because they feel they can recruit fundamentalists to fund their projects. Seems like the US is catching up to the curve with the "AbandonBiden" campaign run by "Muslim leaders across America" (read: 3 guys from Minnesota) and only supported by the campaign of a notoriously broke deadbeat that hasn't been relevant in 2 decades (read: Cornel West). Doesn't even stop with queer rights, there's the whole other social issue of medical assistance in dying (MAID) that Christian fundamentalists have spun as "euthanising the poor" and the stupidest "progressives" around eat it up. I don't think I should have expected better from the straights who thought listening to podcasts and posting really hard on social media would accomplish anything, but holy shit is the left ever a joke on civil rights.
But what really fucking bothers me is how many "allies" across the political spectrum are abandoning us over shit like foreign policy and "the economy" (it's never actually about the economy). I've been doing Palestine marches for a decade now and never would we have accepted homophobes marching with outright fascists before. Now it seems a lot of the terminally online communists in my area that would post (and nothing else) about "punching racists" and fighting homophobia don't seem to have a problem now because they feel they can recruit fundamentalists to fund their projects. Seems like the US is catching up to the curve with the "AbandonBiden" campaign run by "Muslim leaders across America" (read: 3 guys from Minnesota) and only supported by the campaign of a notoriously broke deadbeat that hasn't been relevant in 2 decades (read: Cornel West). Doesn't even stop with queer rights, there's the whole other social issue of medical assistance in dying (MAID) that Christian fundamentalists have spun as "euthanising the poor" and the stupidest "progressives" around eat it up. I don't think I should have expected better from the straights who thought listening to podcasts and posting really hard on social media would accomplish anything, but holy shit is the left ever a joke on civil rights.
An unfortunate number of "terminally online communists" have utterly no interest in progressivism as a broader social concept and only care about it through the lens of economics. They'll ostensibly support LGBTQ+ rights because it costs them nothing to do so and everything not to, but make no mistake, they'll happily sell us out if they think it'll bring them closer to whatever Stalinist dystopia they want to build. Their entire ideology boils down to "wouldn't it be nice if we did a socialism so I could stay home and play video games and smoke weed all day". I mean. don't get me wrong, I'm 100% on board for that, but I also believe (or rather accept) the fact that economic issues and social issues are inseparably intertwined, and that's precisely why I don't trust anyone who's willing to sacrifice positions on one in favor of the other. You will never get your luxury space communism without the gay part.
A lot of people are also honestly just radlibs who say vaguely progressive shit for social clout and then immediately fall back to their much more firmly held neoliberal positions when challenged in any way or in the face of any hardship that directly affects them. These people weren't progressives to begin with and generally have little to no understanding of sociopolitics, but there's little to no overlap between them and the terminally online communist demographic you described so maybe that's more of an American thing, I dunno.
A lot of people are also honestly just radlibs who say vaguely progressive shit for social clout and then immediately fall back to their much more firmly held neoliberal positions when challenged in any way or in the face of any hardship that directly affects them. These people weren't progressives to begin with and generally have little to no understanding of sociopolitics, but there's little to no overlap between them and the terminally online communist demographic you described so maybe that's more of an American thing, I dunno.
I think this is really missing the point of what I'm saying here. It doesn't cost them anything to not support queer rights, because this is happening right now with absolutely no consequence. It's not a question about economics (but yes, there are people willing to sell out civil rights in the name of appeal to the "white working class"), with the case of my local protests it's a question about geopolitics. It's not why they're willing to sell us out that's important but the fact they're willing to do so in the first place. Do we matter so little that people will throw away their supposed values because they want more people in a performative march? I think so. This doesn't really have much to do with accomplishing their actual goals either, it's literally just that there's a hierarchy of value for various performances that don't really matter to anyone beyond their participants.
I honestly despise the whole "radlib" discourse because "radlib" doesn't really coherently describe any actual political position so much as be used for a broad range of positions contesting the positions of terminally online communists. It's a product of the same podcasting scene that produced them, no different from branding them "revisionists" or "anarchists," then "ultra" became really popular online at one point.
But like, this is clearly happening in the States too with the rights of others as well. I remember recently someone sickeningly tried saying that they're not going to back the only opposition to the Republicans as a "gamble" for Palestinians' rights, as if they had the right to gamble with Palestinians' or anyone else's rights in the first place. It couldn't be more clear that we and others don't fucking matter to them in the slightest. But what does it say when we don't push back either? Have we grown so complacent, take our rights for granted so much that our responses to political homophobia are so anemic?
Interesting. Maybe I’m just not thinking about it right but I see taking T as accepting my masculinity in an uncomfortable way. And as far as I can tell I’m not feeling any major effects from having low T. So I don’t think I will want to get injections.
There is a possibility that you don't directly recognize these effects, having low T in most cases has pretty bad consequences for people, such as having very low energy and losing your breath very fast
I wouldn't recommend T injections even if you weren't transfem, they can have rather miserable side effects on your cardiovascular system. Proper sleep hygiene, physical exercise and losing body fat should get your T to a healthy level. I know quite a lot about nutrition and exercise, you can dm me if you want advice on that.
I've never heard of someone coming to a healthy T level from a low level and becoming more masculine from it, if you have masculine features, they should be unaffected through this. Why that is compared to T injections, no idea, I guess because these hormone levels are creeping up slowly to a healthy level instead of spiking up through the injections?
If you have the possibility to speak with a doctor that has experience with trans patients, I would recommend that very much, albeit I suppose that may be difficult to find. Low T levels can have a rather strong, negative effect on people, getting to a healthy level in a moderate way shouldn't hold you off from embracing your feminimity. Olympic female athletes have massively high T levels and most look feminime, olympic male athletes have even more T and most of them don't look super duper masculine either
sorry for derailing the thread, I just met quite a lot of people with low T who had some rather notable issues with it and I know a thing or two about it
btw I made the realization that I am bisexual but I don't know if I can find myself in the LGBT community? Idk, I just haven't been discriminated due to my sexual orientation, all the discrimination I experienced was due to me being brown and for mental health. I've been as an ally on pride events during my teens, I don't know if I should attend such events as a bi person. It just feel like me appropriating a label in a way
that's what the B stands for!!
I think they mean they feel that it would be inappropriate to label themselves bi at a pride event because they don't feel as though they've faced discrimination on the basis of their bisexuality.
This is something I actually understand as I felt (and still do feel) similarly as an aro/ace person. That said, I think everyone experiences and understands their sexuality differently, so I don't think feeling as though you lack some of the experiences other bisexual people might have experienced should disqualify you from participating in LGBTQ+ events. You're still just as valid as any other bisexual person. Just do your best to listen to and understand the perspectives of people who have faced those hardships.