chimpact

chimpact
is a Team Rater Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Past SPL Champion

fire nation From Cole World!
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  • peng
    No other topic is more important and explains better the demise of our society than the saga of Chimpakt. It isn't important whether you agree with every detail that I intend to present. What matters is that you begin to realize that I respect the English language and believe in the use of words as a means of communication. Louche cockalorums like Chimpakt, however, consider spoken communication as merely a set of noises uttered to excite emotions in the worst sorts of disrespectful twerps there are in order to convince them to demonize my family and friends. Believe it or not, a few rancorous clodpolls actually want him to punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death. In my view, this is a consummate outrage, an unmitigated despotism, an unparalleled infamy, and an atrocious crime.

    Chimpakt is leading us down a slippery slope of economic strife, social turmoil, cultural chaos, and snooty tammanyism. You don't need to be the smartest guy on the planet to figure that out. Heck, even the lowliest Joe Six-Pack knows that the wrongheaded Luddites that comprise Chimpakt's terrorist organization are as thick as thieves. If one of them is willing to provide improvident conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread, then they all are. What's more, none of them is able to accept that Chimpakt would have us believe that Dadaism brings one closer to nirvana. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject.

    Chimpakt's proposed social programs are in every respect consistent with the school of narrow-minded thought that tends to wiretap all of our telephones and computers. Chimpakt has been paddling around in the swampy parts of sanity. Why else would he think that the cure for evil is more evil? It's stroppy for him to cement the foundation of our currently metastasizing police state into the law of the land. Or perhaps I should say, it's blowsy. Although we can occasionally tie the retailers of unsavory new claims to older fabrications, there is unfortunately no shortage of new rumor. When Chimpakt was first found duping people into believing that taxpayers are a magic purse that never runs out of gold, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Chimpakt is planning to make today's oppressiveness look like grade-school work compared to what he has planned for the future, I'm terrified.

    Chimpakt has somehow managed to get the media to pay rapt attention to his ribald ebullitions. I don't know what sort of Jedi mind control he's been using to pull that off, but I do know that I have seen numerous self-indulgent leguleians incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately. What's sad is that Chimpakt tolerates (relishes?) this flagrant violation of democratic principles and the rule of law. That just goes to show that Chimpakt refers to a variety of things using the word "antiprestidigitation". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, he's saying that big emotions come from big words, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, if you hear him spouting off about how this is the best of all possible worlds and that he is the best of all possible people, you should tell him that he throws a tantrum every time he doesn't get what he wants. Better yet, tell him to stop getting his opinions from vengeful nitwits and start doing some research of his own.

    Chimpakt does not merely take advantage of human fallibility to exploit the general public's short attention span in order to impugn the patriotism of his foes. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. He plans to distract attention from more important issues. He has instructed his pickthanks not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, Chimpakt knows he has something to hide.

    Chimpakt has had some success in regulating statism. I find that horrifying and frightening, but we all should have seen it coming. We all knew that no one has a higher opinion of Chimpakt than I, and I think Chimpakt is an acrasial fogey. Think of the lives that could be saved if we would just address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Chimpakt because they saw no other options for change. It's somewhat tricky to point out that the emperor has no clothes on, especially since the media in this country tend to ignore historical connections and are reluctant to analyze ideological positions or treat a fringe political group seriously.

    Chimpakt trumpets pertinacious chauvinism laced with subversive ethnocentrism. That being the case, we doubtlessly can infer that Chimpakt's hatchet jobs are destructive. They're morally destructive, socially destructive—even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren't enough, unprofessional cacafuegos like Chimpakt are not born—they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, Chimpakt says that he is a voice of probity. Hey, Chimpakt, how about telling us the truth for once?

    The long and short of it is that Chimpakt has been crucifying us on the cross of gnosticism. If there were any semblance of decency left in his cabal that ought to be an affront to it. Sadly, that's a big "if"; we all know that my sources tell me that Chimpakt intends to conspire with evil before you know it. Not on my watch! I am therefore calling upon all good citizens to tear down his fortress of escapism.

    Chimpakt uses gangsterism to formulate social policies and action programs based on the most predaceous types of commercialism in existence. That's the large elephant in the room that nobody ever talks about. Nevertheless, I honestly suspect that people really ought to start talking about it because then they'd realize that Chimpakt uses big words like "premisrepresentation" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Chimpakt's goals may reek like a skunk, there is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Chimpakt's allegations. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must lend support to the thesis that Chimpakt respects nothing, honors nothing, and values nothing beyond himself.

    This moral issue will eventually be rendered academic by the fact that there's something I've observed about Chimpakt. Namely, he may not know how to spell "stereophotogrammetry", but he clearly knows how to bamboozle people into believing that national-security interests can and should be sidestepped whenever his personal interests are at stake. I've further observed that Chimpakt can fool some of the people all of the time. He can fool all of the people some of the time. But he can't fool all of the people all of the time. Surely no argument is necessary to prove that I have a scientist's respect for objective truth. That's why I'm telling you that a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of hectoring pickpockets and others in Chimpakt's amen corner are about to have more impact on Earth's biological, geological, and chemical systems during our lifetime and our children's than all preceding human generations had together. I have no reason to doubt that story because the world would be a much better place to live if Chimpakt just stopped trying to up the ante considerably. To top that off, it's astonishing that he has been able for so long to get away with wooing over uppity unreasonable-types by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history. I can't think of anything that better illustrates the failure of our justice system to deal with such stuck-up nithings. To summarize my views: You won't hear Chimpakt's jackals admit that he's incoherent.

    Harsha
    yo, do you think you could post your team that you used in the outsiders challenge?
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