• Smogon Premier League is here and the team collection is now available. Support your team!

Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

Late january 2026 update

i've deleted all online-based mental health support groups from my life, including HealthyGamerGG, Reddit, and all Discord groups not related to Smogon.

Smogon is without any doubt the final online community I will take part in. Anything else will be in real life - I'm currently learning German and I spoke in public in German last week, i want to learn theater, do a professional reconversion, and possibly add another language like Spanish.
If/when I quit competitive Pokemon, I won't sign up on other forums, engage in conversations, and so on. It's just no longer safe for me, and if I need to find out info from a forum or something, I will lurk instead.

I have been left behind, and until last year (honestly, around the same time I came back to Smogon), I've been an incel in denial. Maybe that's when I went to a pragmatic mindset and eased on the "I give up" mentality. Of course I continue to go through negative mind spiraling and I could do better financially wise, but I cannot afford to expose myself to negative communities anymore, it's not good for my mental health.

And I also found some rl people i could actually relate to, so we can go from there. I knew them for quite a bit, but last week I had pretty profound discussions and i figured out that if others can live life so can i.

edit feb 11th: yea i'm not feeling well anymore. because i cut off the internet, i can't talk to ppl anymore and open up there. i'm now pretty much alone, by myself - before this, i had some illusion of understanding and online friendships, but i've made the decision to pretty much wipe out all places of mental support, because i'm a puer aeternus that needs something completely different rather than just surviving.
these are the consequences - mental health issues, mind spiraling, headaches, and worries for the future. They appear especially during evenings when I'm by myself, so basically when I'm at work more or less and doing evening shifts.
now I'm like Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 41, with his ula fala and no one else by his side.

update Feb 19: i sold my soul to the internet. I'm trying to get it back. The first way that came to mind is to just open up irl.
 
Last edited:
i am coming out on the other side of a lengthy tumultuous period. my mother took her own life when i was two years old, and my father was an abusive alcoholic. i have no siblings. i did not understand the depths of my trauma for most of my life, as i had been conditioned by my father to accept life as it was and to not expect things to ever get better. as i do not remember my mother i had become convinced that there was simply an absence in my life, not genuine tragedy and loss. this led to crippling self-loathing for my numerous failures to acclimate to the world around me. why was everything so difficult? it must be a problem with me.

my father passed away when i was in my twenties, almost exactly a decade ago. i was working as a stylist in tokyo at the time, but was able to return to my home country in time to watch him die. this engendered a confusing mix of emotions: relief, guilt, sadness. he was the only thing i had in this world other than my own self, and when i lost him i was left untethered and deracinated. his passing afforded me some theretofore unseen financial freedom, and suddenly i could do almost anything. there is a scene in an early simpsons episode where a colony of ants is kept on a space shuttle, and when the glass breaks one of the ants says 'freedom! horrible, horrible freedom.' this was my perspective.

i went back to tokyo and tried to persevere, but nothing felt right. i was no longer accountable to anyone, so i just played path of exile and shirked my responsibilities and my nascent career. the world had always terrified me, hence my running away to japan to avoid having to become an actual adult, and i saw no real reason to engage with it beyond the bare minimum. eventually i had to return to my home country to handle something with my father's estate, and then covid happened. i was adrift, and so i turned to cannabis. this, as you can imagine, was a mistake. it was my first experience with the drug, and my copious consumption of it triggered a psychotic break and my first ever manic episode. i am not able ot articulate the depth of feeling that that this experience triggered; i did not realize that i had been depressed my whole life, and this manic episode was my first experience with happiness. it was like thirty years of unfelt joy bursting from my being. everything felt real for the first time. my delusions quickly escalated, and by the end of it i was convinced that i was an alien bodhisattva sending myself messages through time.

thankfully i never tested my limits while manic, as many tend to do. over the course of my recovery i have met multiple people in wheelchairs who jumped off balconies and bridges while convinced that they were immortal. the manic episode lasted about three months, and it was quite thrilling. of course, i eventually learned that the crash is always commensurate with the rise. when i crashed, it felt like the end of the world. i was in and out of the hospital, pleading with the staff to protect me from my suicidal ideations, which were ramping considerably. they eventually diagnosed me with schizoaffective (schizophrenia with bipolar) and threw me in a group home. for the next few years i basically did not exist.

eventually, i had a chance encounter with a former friend from high school. she took one look at my situation and told me that i did not deserve to be there. something in her kindness triggered a sort of self-love that had been missing from my life, and i decided to try to make some changes. i entered into the schizophrenia recovery program at the mental health hospital in my city, sorted my shit out, and eventually got my own apartment. i am now a peer support worker, helping other crazies along their often arduous journeys.

i have two pieces of advice for anyone struggling:

1. you cannot get out of this by self-medicating
2. you cannot get out of this alone

i understand that i am luckier than most in terms of the friends i have been able to make. if you are less fortunate, you are going to have to rely on the system to an extent. you are also going to have to find a community of like-minded people, in person if possible, but online groups can help a lot as well. if you are in this thread, then your brain is your worst enemy. do not believe everything you think. you are probably not as alone as you think you are, and if you actually are, then you simply must try to effect changes in your social environment. i spent most of my life completely alone, thinking that because it was safe that it was also healthy. you must understand that 'comfort zone' vs 'danger zone' is a false dichotomy. between the two exists the 'growth zone,' and you must endeavour to spend as much of your time there as possible. i promise that you deserve it.
 
So you guys know that earlier post I made where I said I was going to basically quit competitive gaming? Yeah, well, I lied. But don't worry, it's good news? I've recently started trying to look at a handful of games in a new light, since I find that I have much more enjoyment with these games when I'm not necessarily competing at a high level but still have the ability to innovate in my own, unique ways and analyze a competitive environment's development over time. That's half the reason I find myself coming back, anyway. Sometimes I enjoy analyzing competition more than actually playing in it. What can I say? I've always had a knack for the numbers.

In other positive news, me and my family have started developing a new morning routine I've been slowly implementing to help myself feel better and more productive during the day. My current job search is still ongoing but I'm at a point now where all of my thoughts are much more organized as far as what I'd like to do and I'm slowly getting back into the habits of a better meal schedule, more physical activity, and a better sleep schedule, among other things. I also decided to see if I can make my posts shorter and more to-the-point from now on, for what that's worth. Overall, things are going very well!
 
I’ve been banned from the Discord server for going on about my problems. Here I am instead.

I’m getting mixed messages. People say I should have an opinion and not worry about others. In the meantime, Internet personalities keep threatening those who disagree with their criticisms.

Maybe I should take a break from YouTube and TV Tropes. That said, I’m still scared that my likes and opinions are going to piss someone off.
 
Last edited:
Recently I’ve been begrudgingly forcing myself to strictly adhere to some form of a routine or schedule throughout the week. It’s nothing serious, really. It’s easy for me to me to call it a list of chores, but it’s really just things that I normally do anyway and, supposedly, is going to help make me and keep me as a more productive person.

The problem starts when I look around at my friend groups online, because that’s where they do well over 90% of literally anything with each other which cannot be healthy. Turns out, young adults do in fact need reminders sometimes to do things and while it hurts my pride a bit to admit I need some kind of elementary school style chart to remember if I did things like clean my room or check my emails, what bothers me more is that my so-called “friends” aren’t taking me seriously when I try and have more important conversations with them. I have a hunch that they’re either lying or on denial when they brush off the importance of getting off of Discord for once in their lives and actually trying to stay useful around the house.

Am I venting about Discord and my friends simultaneously? …yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m conflicted about both of these things and while I keep trying to give my old friends more chances, people bragging to me that they don’t need a schedule chart isn’t a good look. Someone else gave me something to tell them: “But you’re not autistic. You don’t know what this is like.” But I’ve already decided I’m going to be the better person and not pull that card. I tend to be happier when I explain things to myself in context and see the positive sides of awkward moments like that do what they’re worth. Besides, I’m already probably thinking too hard into this anyway. That unnecessary aggression at the end of the second paragraph of this post was honestly more directed at Discord as a company than it was at my friends… what that platform does to people, man. Brutal.
 
Chico the Parakeet said:
I’ve been getting up at a good time recently and it feels great spending my time outside of social media. That doesn’t mean I’m any less scared but I feel comfortable being around actual people.
Click to expand...
I’m going to take this one step further. I actually feel more comfortable around actual people than I do being online these days. Whenever I am online, it’s out of guilt, spite, obligation, or some combination of the three. Real life feels more authentic positive in general, and as much crap as I give some of my friends, at least 90 percent of those problems can be traced back to Discord itself…
 
Hi all I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2019 and never posted here but if anyone else has it I’m here for you (seriously I do mean that)

I had been out of work for almost a year due to my ~condition~ but I just accepted a job offer yesterday so that’s a big win can I get a hell yeah in the chat
 
phoopes said:
I had been out of work for almost a year due to my ~condition~ but I just accepted a job offer yesterday so that’s a big win can I get a hell yeah in the chat
Click to expand...
uma-musume.gif
 
Feb 2026 update, likely the last one

I'm never going to find community on the internet. I knew something was up since last year, since I said Smogon is gonna be my last community on the internet, which I remain committed to. I still come to HealthyGamerGG whenever I need quick emotional support but I'm not considering myself part of that community anymore like last year.

I'm a very misanthropic person, because of bad experiences with people growing up that never fully went away despite therapy, meditation and trying to be better, more productive. Everything I've tried to make friends and connect with people failed, and I'm really doubting myself at this point. I worry I will just cause a new cycle of going to a new place irl and try to make friends there and fail and eventually swim for a bit because I'm technically providing something but in actuality I'm just thrown away to the sides.
 
I'm Tapu Bulu said:
Feb 2026 update, likely the last one

I'm never going to find community on the internet. I knew something was up since last year, since I said Smogon is gonna be my last community on the internet, which I remain committed to. I still come to HealthyGamerGG whenever I need quick emotional support but I'm not considering myself part of that community anymore like last year.

I'm a very misanthropic person, because of bad experiences with people growing up that never fully went away despite therapy, meditation and trying to be better, more productive. Everything I've tried to make friends and connect with people failed, and I'm really doubting myself at this point. I worry I will just cause a new cycle of going to a new place irl and try to make friends there and fail and eventually swim for a bit because I'm technically providing something but in actuality I'm just thrown away to the sides.
Click to expand...
I would encourage you to look at online communities as fast food. A nice treat, not terrible if you use it as one, but downright unhealthy and unsustainable if it's all you live on(and never a true substitute for the real thing).

Nobody gets out of life unscathed and I want to be clear that the above shouldn't be read as a way of saying "touch grass lol"(but it's funny because your name is Tapu Bulu w grassy surge but I digress). But I do think that online communities, while a good band-aid for social connection, are not long-term fixes and cannot be the only thing you have going on for you. The COVID era really made that the case for a lot of people, including myself during the peak of it in 2020 since everyone was so isolated due to lockdowns, and it's really unhealthy.

The truth is that all friendships are based on "providing something" as you call it, but your goal is to try and find friendships where you feel like there's give and take, even if it isn't a perfect 50-50 split(spoiler alert: it never is). It sounds like you've dealt with more of the latter than the former recently, and I'm sorry for that.

I don't have a quick fix for you, but I would suggest acknowledging yourself a bit for even coming as far as you have. The kid you describe yourself as having been many years ago probably couldn't even imagine the spot you're in right now. As far as as how you could get even farther, the only thing I can say is that you should never go somewhere with the sole goal of making friends. Go to an activity because you find it interesting, not because you're desperate to find a friend. You can, and definitely should, be sociable while you're there, but forcing anything will only lead to friendships(and/or romantic relationships) that would not work without you trying to overcompensate for their otherwise lack of effort. In other words, you'd have friendships that would only exist because you are going above and beyond to maintain your place in their lives meanwhile they wouldn't lift much of a finger for you.

I can write a little more on this if it helps but this is what came to mind.
 
So I guess this exists.
I guess 2 years separated from Mushi League I'm still being laughed at and ridiculed behind my back, destined to deal with second-guessing myself if people actually like me around or not.
Context for message on this sticker was that someone told me to kill myself during a match in the spectator chat because I was doing badly with a team I was told to have fun with by my coach. I've dealt with multiple hecklers in this space and while I was guilty of immature things before when I was there, I don't think I deserved the treatment I got there most of the time, especially being brought to tears some nights by some of the messages I've gotten from not just regular users but team managers, too.
I already deal a lot with suicidal thoughts. I struggle with self worth and social situations. All I want to ask is for you to just leave me alone. I've found friends in this scene who like me and care about me and I just want to succeed in my own personal idea of success. Just leave me alone.
image-121.png
 
Last edited:
My job search has been ongoing for two and a half months at this point, and while that’s not as long as some that I’ve seen and one that went just over seven months with my own job development team, I feel the need to tangent real quick about something I just found out because it has been a while since I’ve seen something this braindead.

For context: earlier in February a position at a certain company I used to work with at an internship in 2025 reopened after being closed off. I originally thought “they must have found someone else, no big deal, I ca just keep searching.” Come to find out, my application was reviewed the first time, but it wasn’t turned down because they didn’t like me as a prospect. They supposedly turned it down because “I didn’t fill out the application correctly and include my internship experience”… yeah, see, here’s the problem. The person that reviewed my application was the same person that led my on-the-job training at my internship in the first place and somehow the company lost any verification I used to work for them previously. That’s already sketchy enough on its own, but it gets worse.

When the position reopened, I decided to give this one more shot a week or two ago. Never mind the fact that I can’t find anything confirming my application went through- when I contacted my job development team asking if we had any updates on my second application, and I know for a fact we extra-double-checked it this time, not only did the text I just got back say the position was still closed (or perhaps closed again?), but the company did receive an application for a position I never applied for and that said application was filled out “today, I believe- neither of those things even being remotely true.

I was already content with moving away from wanting to work for that company again, but now I don’t want to work with them anymore either, because unless my job developer or someone either mixed up which job position I applied for or someone’s doing stuff behind my back which is absolutely possible, I’m starting to realize what’s really going on and hating myself for letting things get to this point. This definitely helps provide some explanation as to why my job searches with this particular team have taken far longer than they’re supposed to, but it’s one thing when people can’t do their own job to help you, the individual, find employment. It’s another thing entirely when the same company starts feeling like they’re actively sabotaging you.

And you want to know the best part? The company I’ve been working with for career exploration and job development was the company I ended up working at as an intern in the first place! They’re literally guilty on both sides! How does that even happen!? The same people trying to “help me find a job” can’t even keep track of my own employment history with their own company! Like… what!?

Edit: The situation is being resolved as we speak. We believe there to be miscommunications on two specific sides. The situation doesn’t seem as strange as it did before, but I guess that’s on me for immediately assuming the worst.
 
Last edited:
phoopes said:
Hi all I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2019 and never posted here but if anyone else has it I’m here for you (seriously I do mean that)

I had been out of work for almost a year due to my ~condition~ but I just accepted a job offer yesterday so that’s a big win can I get a hell yeah in the chat
Click to expand...
im glad you felt safe enough to share that. glad you found your way out of the darkness and got a new job. hell yeah.
JoshSketch said:
So I guess this exists.
I guess 2 years separated from Mushi League I'm still being laughed at and ridiculed behind my back, destined to deal with second-guessing myself if people actually like me around or not.
Context for message on this sticker was that someone told me to kill myself during a match in the spectator chat because I was doing badly with a team I was told to have fun with by my coach. I've dealt with multiple hecklers in this space and while I was guilty of immature things before when I was there, I don't think I deserved the treatment I got there most of the time, especially being brought to tears some nights by some of the messages I've gotten from not just regular users but team managers, too.
I already deal a lot with suicidal thoughts. I struggle with self worth and social situations. All I want to ask is for you to just leave me alone. I've found friends in this scene who like me and care about me and I just want to succeed in my own personal idea of success. Just leave me alone.View attachment 811481
Click to expand...
I just want to remind you, that in the end, the haters and shit talkers dont matter in this world. When you're out walking about, know that you have people that love you. Rest easy with that, a lot of people would do anything to have what you have.
 
grovylestand! said:
hello. i hope im not breaking any rules by posting. this is not so much to talk about my mental health (which includes psychosis, depression, and very extreme anxiety) but the stress of someone elses. my sister had an advil overdose related suicide attempt about 5 or 6 months ago, and is threatening to kill herself again, and it is making me shaky and reminding me of a pychosis thing i had once. please support if able.
Click to expand...
Let me preface this by saying I am not a medical professional and should not be taken as one.

Especially because your sister has a prior history of attempting, you should notify other family members or relevant individuals immediately. Your sister obviously matters a lot to you and I think that's great, but this is not your burden to handle alone. Do not budge an inch on if she says this will make her do something to herself - people need to know if she is at serious harm to herself, and the first and only priority is her safety in this situation(especially because she has attempted before). If you feel any guilt in doing this, remember that it's infinitely better for her to be mad at you than for her to not be her at all.

The world is a better place for both of you being alive, and it should stay that way. As for you, I know this may be a hard ask, but please do not allow this to force your own mental health into a negative spiral. You are your own human being and you are doing the right thing by trying to help.

I hope you will both be OK in the days to come.
 
grovylestand! said:
hello. i hope im not breaking any rules by posting. this is not so much to talk about my mental health (which includes psychosis, depression, and very extreme anxiety) but the stress of someone elses. my sister had an advil overdose related suicide attempt about 5 or 6 months ago, and is threatening to kill herself again, and it is making me shaky and reminding me of a pychosis thing i had once. please support if able.
Click to expand...
Honestly I'd advice contacting authorities, unless you live in America and your sister doesn't have insurance

Mental health related emergencies (threats of suicide after an attempt being basically the perfect example of) need to be treated like a physical health emergency. Two weeks in a mental hospital and moving to a rehab facility for a while can be lifesaving

maybe look at the reputation of the facilities in your area first. I worked in the mental health field and I honestly never seen a facility myself that wasn't trying their absolute best and treated the people there as well as they could, but I heard of some pretty ugly stories
 
I have a weird form of insomnia that only comes up every couple of months. Had it this night and slept 2.5 hours in total

I think I need a prescription med to take on these nights. Melatonin helps a little and I'll get Ashwaghanda too, but I need something more aggressive

Any experiences with these? Any med to not take, recommendations?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top