Social LGBTQIA+

[Chloe]

I'm leaving Crux's long post but I've snipped the snark at the end (which is word-for-word the same post I deleted the first time). A reminder to all: this is a sensitive topic so think and word things carefully when taking positions that could diminish the identity of others. People in this space are often trying to discover themselves and I have zero tolerance for snarkiness towards anyone's self-identification here. You can criticise constructively but none of this "friendly" reminder bullshit.

Not to be snarky or diminish the point you're trying to put across, as I do /generally/ believe people should be respectful when it comes to issues like this, but I find your post here incredibly tone-deaf and ignorant. The use of the term bi lesbian has substantial negative effects for LGBT people, the identity itself is nonsensical and only serves as a way of bisexual erasure. As someone who's struggled with her sexuality for years now, before realising I'm bisexual with a strong preference for women, identities such as these have been suggested towards me without any significant justification. As Crux stated, these people treat "bi lesbian" as if it's some mid ground between bisexuality and homosexuality that simply doesn't exist in this fashion. They're just plain harmful towards a large subsect of the LGBT community, and treating them with this sort of hostility is not only understandable, but in my opinion right, given their significant negative impact and the intent of the majority who identify this way.

 

[cookie]

Not to be snarky or diminish the point you're trying to put across, as I do /generally/ believe people should be respectful when it comes to issues like this, but I find your post here incredibly tone-deaf and ignorant. The use of the term bi lesbian has substantial negative effects for LGBT people, the identity itself is nonsensical and only serves as a way of bisexual erasure. As someone who's struggled with her sexuality for years now, before realising I'm bisexual with a strong preference for women, identities such as these have been suggested towards me without any significant justification. As Crux stated, these people treat "bi lesbian" as if it's some mid ground between bisexuality and homosexuality that simply doesn't exist in this fashion. They're just plain harmful towards a large subsect of the LGBT community, and treating them with this sort of hostility is not only understandable, but in my opinion right, given their significant negative impact and the intent of the majority who identify this way.

thanks for the context, though it still doesn't warrant snarkiness. In fact, nothing does. It doesn't help anyone, and only causes drama. If talking about being a "bi lesbian" is truly hostile to the LGBT community, that's what the report button is for. There is zero need to escalate things.

 

[Myzozoa]

If you're frustrated that other people are muddying LGBT identities in the process of describing themselves, remember that people aren't doing this to piss you off.

I don't think this is the frustration. As crux said in their post, the perpetuation of the notion of 'bilesbians' is harmful to people who might be in the process of discovering their identity as gay women or gay non-binary people. Countless lesbians, ime, go through a process of discovering their lesbian identity involving sexual or sexualized relationships with men which are often traumatic and looked back on with regret and pain, and most importantly with the recognition by gay women that they were delayed in realizing their gay identity by certain myths, of which bilesbianism is a typical case. Crux accurately pointed out how this contributes to the harassment and assault of lesbians and the erasure of the very essence of what many gay women wish to articulate when they call themselves lesbians. Further such a myth foments confusion and distress for women realizing they are gay and it is appropriate, healthy, and extremely necessary to confront these myths. Finally, I say this myth is especially sinister because it implies that lesbianism involves transphobia or excludes non-binary partners which is simply not the case and makes out as if to be a lesbian is to be a transphobe.


Lastly, afaik there is no one itt going around espousing bilesbianism, so what do report buttons have to do w this? Also, phrases like "friendly reminder" are not snark they are common on lgbt twitter/tumblr discourse, it's just a phrase.

 

[cookie]

Lastly, afaik there is no one itt going around espousing bilesbianism, so what do report buttons have to do w this? Also, phrases like "friendly reminder" are not snark they are common on lgbt twitter/tumblr discourse, it's just a phrase.

at the risk of opening up a debate on this, jargon is exclusionary. It might be commonly used without malice within the lgbt community, but many people outside of it read this thread, including myself. Friendly reminder is incredibly common as a passive-aggressive phrase outside of it.

 

[rien]

hi i'm gay

e: to the dude right below me who's probably a troll: no

 

[lilyhollow]

ok so the way i see it, someone has to be the hero to make a post that contextualizes the edited version of royesk's post, since whatever was originally below it was apparently deleted. i have decided that i will step in and do that so the thread can proceed as normal. so here goes: am i straight

edit: thank you royesk you are right. now that i think about it it was a foolish question to begin with

 

[Junaa]

ok so the way i see it, someone has to be the hero to make a post that contextualizes the edited version of royesk's post, since whatever was originally below it was apparently deleted. i have decided that i will step in and do that so the thread can proceed as normal. so here goes: am i straight

edit: thank you royesk you are right. now that i think about it it was a foolish question to begin with

srry dude, I just deleted it because i felt it was not a worthy question for this chat. Sorry for the miunderstanding :(

 

[p0ip0le]

international lesbian day is today, happy birthday lesbians

 

[pisxel]

The lesbians of Smogon rejoice

 

[Mimas]

I completely forgot about this thread and I was reading the comments, it's so good to see people interacting and I said my story last year and after 1 year a lot of things changed and well, it's so good to feel more secure of who I am and actually I talk to a lot of people that are part of the LGBTQ+ community and mainly of trans community, i'm searching more about and have more knowledge is incredible.

 

[Mimas]

international lesbian day is today, happy birthday lesbians

View attachment 281003

Yes! Congrats for our lesbian ladies!

 

[Medeia]

I'm just here to say how much I love LGBT community and everyone on Pokepride, you're all so great and valid don't let anyone make you think otherwise

 

[Peary]

Hi everyone, hope you are having a great day. Peary here with a few good and bad life updates

1. I got in a really scary car wreck today. Weirdly enough, I wasn’t scared until like 20 mins after the crash. Someone ran a red light and hit us head on and then we spun out and hit a pole. Luckily, the airbag and seatbelt saved my life today. Both cars were totaled, yet I walked away from the wreck with some neck pain and a bloody hand but nothing major. Wear a seatbelt everyone.

2. After some time I’ve come to a conclusion that I’m still genderfluid, even with that spurt of feeling like a girl 90% of the time for a few weeks. These things happen when you are genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a guy, sometimes I feel like a girl, most of the time I feel like a mixture of both, and sometimes I feel like neither. I used to find it quite annoying but lately I have started to finally appreciate my own gender identity. If anyone is struggling with their identity I encourage you to reach out to someone, these things happen.

That’s all for today. Luv u guys <3

 

[Jisoo]

happy you’re alive luv

 

[emma]

I'm kinda terrified but here we go >_<

Hi.

Recently, I've come to learn that I like acting feminine and being treated as a girl. In a private discord, I asked my friends to use she/her/hers pronouns and call me Emma, which I've really enjoyed. I think I've always been more feminine than average for a male, but I want to fully transition to being female, at least on the internet.

I'm really happy that Smogon is a (mostly) accepting community that lets me act and identify however I want. I like identifying/being treated as a girl and when other people call me cute, adorable, etc. It also lets me use words like cute, adorable, and other "girly" language without fear of being made fun of. Having people refer to me as Emma and use she/her/hers pronouns as legitimately made me very happy, and I want to expand that to the entirety of Smogon.

I've been on this site for almost 5 years exactly, so I'm sure it will take some getting used to. I would really like it if you could call me Emma and use she / her / hers pronouns. It's okay if you genuinely mess up, I'll just nicely correct you, and we'll be okay n_n

This has been a very nerve-wracking process... Earlier today, I told 5 of my close friends (who I initially met on Twitter but have met up with irl) that I was experimenting with my gender identity. Even though I knew they would be accepting, it was a bit harder for me since those people have seen what I look like and regularly call me by my real name. In the end, I am glad I was able to tell them and that they accepted me for who I am :)

Also... I really want to be a girl irl. If I had a button that would permanently and instantly give me a female body, I would press it... But at the same time, I feel comfortable in my current body? I'm not unhappy living as a man, but I do want to be a girl. The irl transition process is very scary, but can also be really rewarding. While I don't know what I plan to do irl, I know I want to transition to a girl on the internet. Although I've only been using Emma for a short time, it's made me really happy, and I've wanted to make this post ever since I started.

Big thank you to Yoda2798 Nalei Peary Le Creme Brule smely socks Jirachirelia :) You guys have made the coming out process a lot easier, and I can't thank you enough!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Peary]

I'm kinda terrified but here we go >_<

Hi.

Recently, I've come to learn that I like acting feminine and being treated as a girl. In a private discord, I asked my friends to use she/her/hers pronouns and call me Emma, which I've really enjoyed. I think I've always been more feminine than average for a male, but I want to fully transition to being female, at least on the internet.

I'm really happy that Smogon is a (mostly) accepting community that lets me act and identify however I want. I like identifying/being treated as a girl and when other people call me cute, adorable, etc. It also lets me use words like cute, adorable, and other "girly" language without fear of being made fun of. Having people refer to me as Emma and use she/her/hers pronouns as legitimately made me very happy, and I want to expand that to the entirety of Smogon.

I've been on this site for almost 5 years exactly, so I'm sure it will take some getting used to. I would really like it if you could call me Emma and use she / her / hers pronouns. It's okay if you genuinely mess up, I'll just nicely correct you, and we'll be okay n_n

This has been a very nerve-wracking process... Earlier today, I told 5 of my close friends (who I initially met on Twitter but have met up with irl) that I was experimenting with my gender identity. Even though I knew they would be accepting, it was a bit harder for me since those people have seen what I look like and regularly call me by my real name. In the end, I am glad I was able to tell them and that they accepted me for who I am :)

Also... I really want to be a girl irl. If I had a button that would permanently and instantly give me a female body, I would press it... But at the same time, I feel comfortable in my current body? I'm not unhappy living as a man, but I do want to be a girl. The irl transition process is very scary, but can also be really rewarding. While I don't know what I plan to do irl, I know I want to transition to a girl on the internet. Although I've only been using Emma for a short time, it's made me really happy, and I've wanted to make this post ever since I started.

Big thank you to Yoda2798 Nalei Peary Le Creme Brule smely socks Jirachirelia :) You guys have made the coming out process a lot easier, and I can't thank you enough!!!!!!!!!!!!

We love you and are here for you. I'm super proud of you girl. Keep it up!!

 

[Morgan]

Hi hi!

My name is Kebia and I'm a trans girl who recently came out online and to a couple of friends. I'm also bisexual.
Throughout my life I've put very little stock in gender as a whole, only being really aware of it in the social sense (like ooh cooties), but I didn't really care. However, one thought always passed through my mind, "What if I was a girl?" I always enjoyed the thought, and thought that it would honestly be a better alternative. As a kid I wanted to be a cute girl like 25% of the time and the other 75% I couldn't give less of a crap about gender in general. As I grew up, the thoughts of being a girl persisted and started being more frequent, as I was going through puberty and reflecting more on myself. My issues with gender never came to the forefront of my mind at that point, because I frankly didn't care about gender at all that much. I was just a kid who was projecting what I thought I was supposed to be projecting (guy, mega straight, the like) and not really understanding what I really wanted to be / was. I had gone to a summer camp every year for 3 weeks from 5th grade to 10th, and it was a great experience every time, but the time I went after 9th grade really changed my life. I started to really reflect on myself because of the topic of the Summer camp (I was taking an ethics class) and my classmates were almost all part of the LGBTQ+ community. This allowed me to come to a realization based on thinking about how I've thought over years of being attracted to boys and girls. I had somehow never put 2 and 2 together or I was just stuck in my unfortunate red pill rabbit hole at the point. So I came to the realization that I was bisexual. I told my parents, and my mom was skeptical and even now I don't think she's really 100% sure I'm even "telling the truth". My dad was a lot more supportive of me, which I'm thankful for. So I had come to one major realization about myself. Now I played some showdown at this point, but mainly random battles or just ladder shit. The next year, I got into 1v1. This has been one of the defining occurrences in my life, and I'm so thankful to that community for everything they've done for me. I became very involved in this community very quickly, and I felt like it was my second family. I became very good friends with users such as Felucia and Nalei. I was still somewhat stuck in my red pill rabbit hole, but I was getting out of it. I was becoming a lot more tolerant of things I didn't understand, as I learned things about myself that I previously didn't understand. When these two people came out as trans, I was really happy for them. Because of these events, I started to think a lot more about my gender and being a girl in general. I had previously suppressed these thoughts because I thought they were wrong, and I couldn't have been more incorrect. I joined Pokepride for a while after being invited by I think kjdaas (love u kim!) and I started to think about my gender more and more, with it becoming a bigger part of my consciousness. "I don't really care about gender, but being a girl would be cool" turned into "I don't really care about gender that much, but I'd rather be a girl than anything else." I couldn't really put this idea into words, but after conversations with Nalei and Felucia (2 of my favorite humans in this world), I came to the realization that I was in fact, transgender. I felt really happy coming to this conclusion as it felt like another piece of the puzzle that is Kebia had fallen into place. I decided upon the name Kebia partially because I absolutely love how it sounds (Keh Bee Uh) I know it's a pokemon item, but I'd been in love with the Pokemon series since like 2nd grade. It just felt right. I feel like the name is so cute and I love it. It just fits me I feel. I soon came out to my two best friends, one who plays Mons (XinosXinos) and the other being my friend from my Swim team. They were both supportive of me, and with help from Nalei and the rest of the Pokepride crew, I decided to come out to my parents. This went... less than swimmingly. The dynamic of mother skeptical and father supportive had downshifted to mother in denial and father somewhat skeptical. My mom kept saying since I've "never acted like a girl or anything like that" I must not be being genuine. My dad was fine with it but wanted me to be absolutely sure of it before making any major decisions about it. This was a definite disappointment to me, but I am going to take my dad's advice to heart. I am planning on waiting until after college to start my transition if I decide to, as I want to finish college athletics (I swim at a division 3 school) before doing something that would alter my body. I know that I'd be at least somewhat unhappy with myself because of this and I've accepted that decision. Swimming means more to me than gender does, odd as it may seem. I currently am not out IRL except to my parents (sort of) and the other people I've mentioned, and I don't plan on doing so before college graduation unless I change my mind. I am out online, as this I feel is a safe space where even if people judge me, they can't do anything to hurt my opportunities in life.

I want to give a special shoutout to Nalei and Felucia because they are some of the best people I know and really helped me come to realizations about myself I don't think I could have made alone.

I also want to give a shoutout to people like kjdaas, smely socks, Akumajou, momo!, and ExplodingDonkey for being incredibly supportive of me throughout my time in 1v1 and especially after coming out as a trans girl.

In addition, I want to shoutout emma, Jirachirelia, and Peary for being some of my newer friends and being supportive of my identity and choices!

 

[Itchy]

Since all of the trans 1v1/2v2 players have shared their stories here, I should probably say something about my ongoing journey with gender.

I've been questioning my gender for quite a while. I've said for a while that I'm "reluctant to reveal my gender" online, but this has just been a mask for me not knowing what to say.

When I know more, I'll post a follow up to this.

Much love,
Itchyfoot ♤ ~~

 

[Avongarde]

hey! I just recently discovered this thread and I guess it applies to me so here goes my introduction!

I'm Taylor (or Resh, if you'd prefer) a nonbinary femme lean (she/they) and I'm bi. I've been struggling a lot with my gender identity lately but hopefully I can talk more about that as it comes up. I think it's pretty cool how we have such an inclusive section of Smogon and I guess I just wanted to be part of it too lol

 

[zee]

Ever since I started using Smogon again, I've spent a lot of time casually scrolling through this thread when I had some time. I've always been very nervous to post my own stuff here, but I think I've finally hit a point where I need to spill my thoughts for my own sake. This is not going to make much coherent sense because I'm not planning anything out. Read at your own risk.

On [Internalized] Homophobia and Sexuality

I come from a very rural town, things are super old fashioned here and of course, that means people are slow to change. It also means everyone holds 1960s era values and every other house currently has a Trump 2020 sign in front of it. I found out I was Bisexual as I entered High School. However, I couldn't dream of outing myself to family or even close friends at the time, because I knew I would be shunned for it. I'm not joking when I saw almost everyone in my family is homophobic, and probably about 9/10 people my age +- a few years are as well. So for the entirety of the four years I spent in HS, I would occasionally get that feeling of attraction towards other guys but couldn't open up about it, out of genuine fear. But as I went on, that fear honestly transpired into hatred for myself. "Why did I have to be like this?" "Why do I feel this way?" Senior year of HS I found myself in a very short online relationship with a boy who I had very strong feelings for, but broke off the relationship early because I just couldn't do it. I couldn't accept that I actually wanted to be in a relationship with a male. I wanted to say something so bad to someone, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't even tell you which of the 9000 reasons why stood out to me the most as to why it was a bad idea.

In the summer of 2018 I came out to my closer friends in the VGC community, and did the same 'publicly' (I'm like 99% sure the twitter account I posted my coming out post on was private) in the summer of this year. It felt good to finally be in a place where I felt like I could be supported and accepted for who I am. But it didn't actually ease my hatred for myself. Everywhere I went in the "real world", I heard the terms f*ggot and queer and homo thrown around in casual conversation way too often for me to ever feel safe. Any time I was alone in my thoughts, I'd always hear my Dad's words echo "I'm so glad my son isn't one of those damn c*cksuckers". I'm honestly still not sure when I'll feel comfortable opening up about my sexuality.

On Self-Acceptance, Gender Identity, and Coming Out (TW: Death)

Recently, as I've gotten older, I'm finally starting to understand my self worth and validity. I have begun the process of accepting myself. It was during these more recent reflections that I started to give thought to my gender identity. Even since I was a little kid, I never quite felt like I was truly supposed to be male. I wasn't interested in things the other boys were interested in, I didn't feel accepted by them, and I didn't want to be accepted by them. By hs I really wanted to do things that most people would consider feminine, such as paint my nails, wear skirts, makeup etc.

I gave it a lot of thought between whether I'm MTF or NB, but in the end I decided that non binary was what described me best. So very recently, I came out as NB to my closest VGC friends and joined pokepride a few days ago. Every time I made the decision to announce who I was, I was so nervous at first, but felt so relieved afterwards. More people finally knew who the real me was.

But here's the reason I'm making this post. The 5th is my 19th birthday. I had decided that on my birthday, I would sit down with my parents and explain my gender identity to them. I feel like just saying, "Hey, I don't really feel like I fit under the male gender, I hope you're okay with this" would be easier for them to digest at first than confessing about my sexuality. However, that plan recently went to shit. I had a cousin who unfortunately passed away yesterday at 3 am. Given the Covid situation, we're not exactly sure yet if we're even legally allowed to have a funeral in this specific state, but if we do, it will be on the fifth. I don't want to make a day like this about myself, but I am really sad, because I felt like my birthday would be the day that my immediate family would be most receptive to my announcement. But I really do feel like I can't hide this part of me any longer. Being misgendered sucks and I would just like to go ahead and get my "coming out" over with so it can be normalized. If anyone has any advice, I'd be very willing to hear you out.

SO YEAH that was a wall of text. Tl;dr I'm NB and Bi. My pronouns are they/them. I have chosen to use a new name, which will be Zee, and I would really love it if you could refer to me as such from now on. I'll be switching to the account "Zeefable" on PS, and hopefully on here as well once I can meet the namechange requirements. I've loved reading through everyone itt's stories as they all in part inspired me to post this, but I want to give a special shoutout to emma , her post definitely helped me build up a lot of courage to do this. Thank you for reading.

 

[steelskitty]

hi i'm coming out as mtf trans. please use she/her pronouns with me. thanks!

 

[Tramuntana]

I'm kinda terrified but here we go >_<

Hi.

Recently, I've come to learn that I like acting feminine and being treated as a girl. In a private discord, I asked my friends to use she/her/hers pronouns and call me Emma, which I've really enjoyed. I think I've always been more feminine than average for a male, but I want to fully transition to being female, at least on the internet.

I'm really happy that Smogon is a (mostly) accepting community that lets me act and identify however I want. I like identifying/being treated as a girl and when other people call me cute, adorable, etc. It also lets me use words like cute, adorable, and other "girly" language without fear of being made fun of. Having people refer to me as Emma and use she/her/hers pronouns as legitimately made me very happy, and I want to expand that to the entirety of Smogon.

I've been on this site for almost 5 years exactly, so I'm sure it will take some getting used to. I would really like it if you could call me Emma and use she / her / hers pronouns. It's okay if you genuinely mess up, I'll just nicely correct you, and we'll be okay n_n

This has been a very nerve-wracking process... Earlier today, I told 5 of my close friends (who I initially met on Twitter but have met up with irl) that I was experimenting with my gender identity. Even though I knew they would be accepting, it was a bit harder for me since those people have seen what I look like and regularly call me by my real name. In the end, I am glad I was able to tell them and that they accepted me for who I am :)

Also... I really want to be a girl irl. If I had a button that would permanently and instantly give me a female body, I would press it... But at the same time, I feel comfortable in my current body? I'm not unhappy living as a man, but I do want to be a girl. The irl transition process is very scary, but can also be really rewarding. While I don't know what I plan to do irl, I know I want to transition to a girl on the internet. Although I've only been using Emma for a short time, it's made me really happy, and I've wanted to make this post ever since I started.

Big thank you to Yoda2798 Nalei Peary Le Creme Brule smely socks Jirachirelia :) You guys have made the coming out process a lot easier, and I can't thank you enough!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome aboard!

 

[Queenzz]

I thought for an extremely long time that love only happened to straight people, but I started college and have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months and Its going great. Shoutouts to Gay tinder

 

[Bouff]

hi so um ive kinda "realized", or accepted i guess i dont really know what the right term is, that im bisexual about a little over two years ago after like months and months of denial and repressing it for myself. i didn't really tell anyone on here until like april-ish? of last year because i was a bit afraid of how people would react. this was prob irrational because everyone i know is totally accepting of it which is amazing and relieving. ive only told people on here though, and i kinda accepted that i would never tell anyone i knew irl because i figured it would be too risky. my mom had told me once that while she is accepting of lgbt and stuff, she never would want her children to be like that. she said that if i was gay, she would kick me out of the house and cut off all contact wuth me and make sure my family / relatives do the same. granted she does love me a lot in her own weird way so i don;t know if that would actually happen, but obviously i will never risk it. my dad doesnt feel as harshly, just that he thinks that he had failed as a father if that was true. i also hadn't really told my irl friends because a) i am very afraid that they will see me in a different light and i don't really want to risk that, we always have a good time, or had before corona i guess, and we love each other but i can't shake the feeling that maybe there'll be more hesitation and stuff to talk with me, and b) i do go to college with some hs people, albeit very very few, and if word spreads i do not want to risk being harassed by people who i never want to interact with again (as you can imagine growin up in a yeehaw town people generally do not have the best politics). i wanted to tell someone for a long time because like just holding it in sucks a lot.

today i decided to come out to my brother, he's the person i trust the most and the person who i feel would be the most accepting. it was kind of a spur of the moment thing and i had told myself i wouldn't do it for a while but there is this weird confidence. he was happy for me and told me he'd always be there if i wanted to talk. he said he had kind of figured because i've never been open about sexuality in general but he told me it didn't affect what he though of me in the slightest because i'm his brother. in a vacuum it might not matter that much, but i am legitimately so happy right now there are tears in my eyes. i can't even explain it that well but i feel like in a sense i've been let out of this cage, like im free and shit. even if its small this feels so major lmao.

it'll probably be years and years probably maybe before i come out publicly because i care about my safety more than anything, but yeah um i just wanted to make this post because i kind of need to express everything right now LMAO god fuuuuuck holy fuck. sorry this is kind of boring and dumb and in the grand scheme of things might not matter that much but fuck man im so happy rn to have him to confide in. for a long time there was a lot of repression and self-loathing that came with this (and there still sort of is) but like i feel like i've made progress. it's just so weird because there's all these reasons i have to keep myself hidden and just kinda taking that risk is something i'm always afraid to consider but like bro it worked out aaaaaaaah!!!! this is probably way longer than it has any right to be but yeah!!!

 

[Queenzz]

hi so um ive kinda "realized", or accepted i guess i dont really know what the right term is, that im bisexual about a little over two years ago after like months and months of denial and repressing it for myself. i didn't really tell anyone on here until like april-ish? of last year because i was a bit afraid of how people would react. this was prob irrational because everyone i know is totally accepting of it which is amazing and relieving. ive only told people on here though, and i kinda accepted that i would never tell anyone i knew irl because i figured it would be too risky. my mom had told me once that while she is accepting of lgbt and stuff, she never would want her children to be like that. she said that if i was gay, she would kick me out of the house and cut off all contact wuth me and make sure my family / relatives do the same. granted she does love me a lot in her own weird way so i don;t know if that would actually happen, but obviously i will never risk it. my dad doesnt feel as harshly, just that he thinks that he had failed as a father if that was true. i also hadn't really told my irl friends because a) i am very afraid that they will see me in a different light and i don't really want to risk that, we always have a good time, or had before corona i guess, and we love each other but i can't shake the feeling that maybe there'll be more hesitation and stuff to talk with me, and b) i do go to college with some hs people, albeit very very few, and if word spreads i do not want to risk being harassed by people who i never want to interact with again (as you can imagine growin up in a yeehaw town people generally do not have the best politics). i wanted to tell someone for a long time because like just holding it in sucks a lot.

today i decided to come out to my brother, he's the person i trust the most and the person who i feel would be the most accepting. it was kind of a spur of the moment thing and i had told myself i wouldn't do it for a while but there is this weird confidence. he was happy for me and told me he'd always be there if i wanted to talk. he said he had kind of figured because i've never been open about sexuality in general but he told me it didn't affect what he though of me in the slightest because i'm his brother. in a vacuum it might not matter that much, but i am legitimately so happy right now there are tears in my eyes. i can't even explain it that well but i feel like in a sense i've been let out of this cage, like im free and shit. even if its small this feels so major lmao.

it'll probably be years and years probably maybe before i come out publicly because i care about my safety more than anything, but yeah um i just wanted to make this post because i kind of need to express everything right now LMAO god fuuuuuck holy fuck. sorry this is kind of boring and dumb and in the grand scheme of things might not matter that much but fuck man im so happy rn to have him to confide in. for a long time there was a lot of repression and self-loathing that came with this (and there still sort of is) but like i feel like i've made progress. it's just so weird because there's all these reasons i have to keep myself hidden and just kinda taking that risk is something i'm always afraid to consider but like bro it worked out aaaaaaaah!!!! this is probably way longer than it has any right to be but yeah!!!

Congrats on coming out to your brother :3 i come from a similar background of small town shtuff and I know how tough it can be.