UllarWarlord: black dex is okay, but the white dex really needs more added to it. I don't think we want a repeat of Kyurem's 54-character white info :P
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CAP 13 CAP 2 - Part 14 - Pokedex Entry Submissions
- Thread starter Rising_Dusk
- Start date
- Status
I think a lot of the entries in this thread miss the sketching idea of Necturna, so here's my two preliminary entries.
It has the ability to flawlessly mimic the movements and abilities of the spirits it channels.
Though it can communicate with spirits of the deceased, it seeks a steadfast companion for true contact.
It has the ability to flawlessly mimic the movements and abilities of the spirits it channels.
Though it can communicate with spirits of the deceased, it seeks a steadfast companion for true contact.
Final submission
Necturna
Insectivorous Pokemon
Black: Necturna band together in dense, dark forests, where they feast on unsuspecting insects. They also guard the world of the dead.
White: Necturna enter and exit the world of the dead in their forest homes. Many wander into their habitats, but next to none come back.
Please comment.
Necturna
Insectivorous Pokemon
Black: Necturna band together in dense, dark forests, where they feast on unsuspecting insects. They also guard the world of the dead.
White: Necturna enter and exit the world of the dead in their forest homes. Many wander into their habitats, but next to none come back.
Please comment.
Alpha entry:
Necturna: Flytrap Pokemon
Black: To keep its youthful appearance, it draws the life-force of plants around it.
White: It becomes lonesome in the forests it resides, so it acts like a lost maiden to lure in travelers.
Preliminary ratings!
Necturna: Flytrap Pokemon
Black: To keep its youthful appearance, it draws the life-force of plants around it.
White: It becomes lonesome in the forests it resides, so it acts like a lost maiden to lure in travelers.
Preliminary ratings!
- milo v3: The species name is quite long; I believe the maximum limit is twelve characters, as shown in Pachirisu being the 'EleSquirrel' pokemon. If 12 characters won't do, splice the words? Other than that: "A prowler of the night,(comma) she". For the Black pokedex entry, the first sentence has plural/singular confusion. The normal interpretation is that multiple Necturna are controlled by a single spirit.
- Asylum_Rhapsody: The shorter one is better; gives a good correlation between what others think of her and her abilities, like other entries.
- Engineer Pikachu: As said, don't use the word 'skirt'; while other pokemon do have clothing-like objects, only if they're really close to the actual garment (Machoke's and Sawk's belt), it gives the impression the skirt is separate. I was thinking more along the lines of 'skirt-like'.
- Metal Bagon: I like #3 without edit, though #5 is also good, but needs rewording. I think if you invert the order of sentences, talking about how Necturnas need the vine, and how it's worth millions after, it'd sound better. The 'crime against nature' doesn't sound very pokemon-like, in my opinion.
- AJC: Pokemon entries rarely refer the myths they're based off of; I'd suggest for an in-game depiction of the pokemon. The Black entry needs commas and is comma-spliced, so separate the sentences or use a conjunction.
- FlareBlitz: Shorter species name, as mentioned in milo v3's submission. The comma in the White entry can be removed. I do like the Black entry, as it fits with the pokemon mood for disasters that fell people.
- remetagross: The first part of the White entry, though okay, can be made clearer by saying that they're from natural fires, rather a possible interpretation being that Necturna's causing the infernos. The Black entry--yes, little stories in entries are uncommon, but works to depict the pokemon.
- the dead mans oddysey: Shorter species name. I don't think you should emphasize Sketch all that much, since it doesn't even learn it in its level-up movepool.
- LeviLamprey: Instead of the dash in the Black entry, how about, "Necturna offers her services to passersby, though with a price."? I actually like your entries, since they expose the nature of the pokemon quite well.
- Deck Knight: Ah, Nightshade. XD The White entry is a tad long, since it's two complex sentences. Black is of okay length. I think it's a bit trite to have another supposed soul-stealing pokemon (after Shedinja, Chandelure, Dusclops), but hey.
- GRs Cousin: Carnivorous male-eating habits? O_o Erm... maybe that can be a little more light. The White entry is good, though.
- ikasu: I do think pokemon should be referred to as 'its'; Kangaskhan, even though it's 100% female, has an entry that refers the species as 'it'. The first one would need clarification outside of appearance on why it would be 'deceiving'. Second and third descriptions, if you changed the female pronouns to gender-neutral ones, would be nice.
- Kaprikorn: I like them! Sure, the first entry contradicts with in-game stuff, but half the game contradicts the descriptions. :P
- Genox: 'Guardian Spirit' is too long for a species name. But, well, hmm. I don't see too much sense in it, since the typings are different, even though their characteristics work well as protectors.
- Mos-Quitoxe: The second entry is a bit vague for Necturna. Just a little more uniqueness with it? :) The first is good.
- capefeather: I'm not too keen on describing other pokemon in a description unless there's a direct relation between them.
- Son_of_Shadoo: Long species name. D: But the dex entries are good! Some history, some detail about how Necturna operates.
- AOPSUser: Long species name. The Black entry puts too much focus on the Sketch part of it, which does not work if there was not that much focus in the first place. The White entry has odd tense usage.
- srk1214: That's quite unique of you to incorporate game-exclusive pokemon in the descriptions, but including other pokemon at all without a direct correlation lessens the appeal of it. I still think these entries better if it's just for the dreadful implications of how Necturna can be behind that facade.
- MikaDo: A little difference rather than putting creativity at the forefront for each entry would work. The fangs are a good touch; maybe more physical detail or what else changes to it as it matures?
- Danmire: Long species name! D: But the entries are good, since they show off Necturna's traits and history.
- UllarWarlord: Lessen your species name length. Other than that, your entries are very undetailed; I know that's your intention, but I don't think this would be a proper 'entry' to any guide to Necturnas if it's all unknown.
- elementalpenguin: Ah, you're going to claim two wins for the CAP? :P Ah, well, the entries are nice! They fit with Yilx's original depiction of Necturna and relate to Sketch without being overbearing.
- Jirachi6: The White entry is really long. Either shorten the sentences or cut one altogether. I think if the entries had a little more variety, they'd be better.
Final Submission
Necturna
The Morbid Pokémon
Black: This Pokémon has the ability to commune with those who have passed. It taps into ancestral wisdom this way.
White: Necturna is known to mourn others before they pass. This Pokémon is said to know the length of others' lifespans.
I might tinker with this a bit, but not so much, so FS for this. This might paint Necturna as a bit... sadder than some of these other, more predatory or borderline perverted entries.
Necturna
The Morbid Pokémon
Black: This Pokémon has the ability to commune with those who have passed. It taps into ancestral wisdom this way.
White: Necturna is known to mourn others before they pass. This Pokémon is said to know the length of others' lifespans.
I might tinker with this a bit, but not so much, so FS for this. This might paint Necturna as a bit... sadder than some of these other, more predatory or borderline perverted entries.
Is that really that surprising? If you look at Deck Knight's submission, Sketch is "hidden" in the egg move list. If people wanted Sketch to be such a big factor in CAP 2's flavour, they should not have chosen Deck Knight's movepool (doesn't even have Mimic), and they probably should not have voted for Yilx's art design, even. I'm not saying this to criticize these submissions; I'm just stating something that I think voters should have considered more carefully if they're coming here now and wanting a direction they've implicitly been voting against this whole time.
I think that Necturna's "role" (I know the design explanation isn't set in stone, but still) comes in direct conflict with the Litwick line (and the Frillish line, but those guys are underwater, which is kind of a problem). I also think that it could be argued that the Foongus line comes in conflict with Necturna as well. However, I do think the Foongus reference may be rather excessive. I was kind of thinking that maybe Necturna would be disguised as trainers who want to battle you...
Necturna
The Sixth Sense Pokemon
White: This pokemon has a strong relation ship with the dead. It is said she can see the dead on the Earth.
Black: Necturna sometimes gives people the power to see the dead. This is how we see ghosts.
Please give me some feedback. Im new here but I have been following Necturna from the beginning and i would like some part of me in this CAP. Are my entries too much, or not like a real entry would look? Please help.
The Sixth Sense Pokemon
White: This pokemon has a strong relation ship with the dead. It is said she can see the dead on the Earth.
Black: Necturna sometimes gives people the power to see the dead. This is how we see ghosts.
Please give me some feedback. Im new here but I have been following Necturna from the beginning and i would like some part of me in this CAP. Are my entries too much, or not like a real entry would look? Please help.
Made some changes after feedback (thanks!)
Final Submission
Necturna
Species: Thorn Spirit Pokemon.
White: "It has a symbiotic relationship with otherworldly spirits. They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims."
Black: "This Pokemon makes its home in desolate forests. Campers who treat its habitat disrespectfully are not seen again."
Flavor notes: I went with "it" as a pronoun instead of "she" because that's how the Dex treats similar female-only Pokemon (see Jynx).
I went with much darker flavor than most other entries, befitting the generally darker flavor entries for ghosts in B/W (Chandelure, Jellicent, Yamask). I also did not want to make this Pokemon "special", or call attention to Sketch in any way (it's an egg move and that would make no sense). I also did not entirely go with the original artist's intent regarding this Pokemon being a "spirit maiden" - I felt that it would be much better suited as a forest dwelling, borderline-malicious spirit. I did, however, make reference to its ability to commune with spirits, as I wanted to put some flavor backing behind its abilities.
Final Submission
Necturna
Species: Thorn Spirit Pokemon.
White: "It has a symbiotic relationship with otherworldly spirits. They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims."
Black: "This Pokemon makes its home in desolate forests. Campers who treat its habitat disrespectfully are not seen again."
Flavor notes: I went with "it" as a pronoun instead of "she" because that's how the Dex treats similar female-only Pokemon (see Jynx).
I went with much darker flavor than most other entries, befitting the generally darker flavor entries for ghosts in B/W (Chandelure, Jellicent, Yamask). I also did not want to make this Pokemon "special", or call attention to Sketch in any way (it's an egg move and that would make no sense). I also did not entirely go with the original artist's intent regarding this Pokemon being a "spirit maiden" - I felt that it would be much better suited as a forest dwelling, borderline-malicious spirit. I did, however, make reference to its ability to commune with spirits, as I wanted to put some flavor backing behind its abilities.
I'm just going to say as a general statement that I think CAP 2's flavor has already completely missed all opportunity for Sketch flavor. The art concept is not an artist of any sort, and the movepool making Sketch an egg move removes all uniqueness of the move. I think trying to involve Sketch in the Pokedex entries is silly, and would definitely prefer entries without any mention of Sketch at all.
Final Submission
Necturna
Fiend Plant Pokemon
White Entry: A prowler of the night, it can see in even the darkest of the conditions because of its six eyes. With these eyes it can see people's souls.
Black Entry: They're formed from long dead plants controlled by spirits. This spirit feasts on flesh and souls of foes with its arms.
Necturna
Fiend Plant Pokemon
White Entry: A prowler of the night, it can see in even the darkest of the conditions because of its six eyes. With these eyes it can see people's souls.
Black Entry: They're formed from long dead plants controlled by spirits. This spirit feasts on flesh and souls of foes with its arms.
Late late late
Heh
Anyways:
-------------------
Black: Necturna will only ever choose one friend, but guard that friend with their lives. They will take on that friend's mannerisms as if they were their own.
White: It has the power to sense the future. When it does so, its arms undulate and its head rocks from side to side in a kind of dance.
-------------------
Alternatively:
-------------------
Black: Necturna have a habit of taking the flowers from the heads of Lilligant and wearing them as coronets. Nobody is quite sure why.
White: The fangs on Necturna's head secrete a substance that acts as a powerful aphrodisiac. The evolutionary benefit of this is unclear.
-------------------
Alternatively:
-------------------
Black: If you cook fresh Necturna into a soup, you can brew a potion that turns bread into toast. Needless to say, numbers in the wild have dwindled since this was discovered.
White: Their closest relative is celery.
-------------------
In increasing order of frivolity.
Heh
Anyways:
-------------------
Black: Necturna will only ever choose one friend, but guard that friend with their lives. They will take on that friend's mannerisms as if they were their own.
White: It has the power to sense the future. When it does so, its arms undulate and its head rocks from side to side in a kind of dance.
-------------------
Alternatively:
-------------------
Black: Necturna have a habit of taking the flowers from the heads of Lilligant and wearing them as coronets. Nobody is quite sure why.
White: The fangs on Necturna's head secrete a substance that acts as a powerful aphrodisiac. The evolutionary benefit of this is unclear.
-------------------
Alternatively:
-------------------
Black: If you cook fresh Necturna into a soup, you can brew a potion that turns bread into toast. Needless to say, numbers in the wild have dwindled since this was discovered.
White: Their closest relative is celery.
-------------------
In increasing order of frivolity.
Final Submission:
Necturna
Mourning Pokemon
Black: Necturna is known as a channel to the afterlife, living near Celestial Tower to help Pokemon Trainers mourn the lives of their diseased Pokemon.
White: Necturna is exceptionally in sync with nature, which is why some say it is able to communicate directly with Pokemon who have passed away.
Necturna
Mourning Pokemon
Black: Necturna is known as a channel to the afterlife, living near Celestial Tower to help Pokemon Trainers mourn the lives of their diseased Pokemon.
White: Necturna is exceptionally in sync with nature, which is why some say it is able to communicate directly with Pokemon who have passed away.
I think that these two shows her grass typing is as important as her ghost typing. I didn't want to make Necturna an evil ghost type like most of the ones in Black and White so I went with communicating with disceased Pokemon to help Trainers grieve. I imagine to do this Necturna basically channels (like in the supporting art, but with a Pokemon, not a move) the image of the actual Pokemon that died. If I get any more critism I'll see if I can make them sound better.
Final Submission
Necturna: the Desolation Pokemon
Black:The eyes on Necturna's body have the ability to look into one's soul. When it detects sadness in others, Necturna will feed, latching its vine onto the victim and draining the sorrow.
White: Necturna hides in the shadows of its enemies, causing fear in those near it. If Necturna goes unnoticed in the shadow for long enough, the one being followed may lose the will to live.
Necturna looks to me like a saddened or depressed widow, so I believe she would want to spread negative emotion however she lives with it as well. Also in my white entry I tried to show how sneaky and cunning the seemingly harmless plant really is.
Necturna: the Desolation Pokemon
Black:The eyes on Necturna's body have the ability to look into one's soul. When it detects sadness in others, Necturna will feed, latching its vine onto the victim and draining the sorrow.
White: Necturna hides in the shadows of its enemies, causing fear in those near it. If Necturna goes unnoticed in the shadow for long enough, the one being followed may lose the will to live.
Necturna looks to me like a saddened or depressed widow, so I believe she would want to spread negative emotion however she lives with it as well. Also in my white entry I tried to show how sneaky and cunning the seemingly harmless plant really is.
Tweaked the White entry a bit to focus on nighttime activity and give a little flavor for Sketch (without going too heavy). Made Black about Daytime habits. Black's entry is morbidly amusing lol.
... Ok, thread over, bmb wins.
@Quanylis: Thanks for the feedback, I'll try to come up with a shorter name before tomorrow.
EDIT: Species name is now the "Spirit Lure Pokémon" for space reasons, but I am INCREDIBLY dissatisfied with it, so it's not my FS yet.
Necturna
The Essence Pokemon
Black: This ghastly Pokemon is said to be able to communicate with spirits. When in the location of a past great tragedy, it shudders violently.
White: An alluring Pokemon that communicates with spirits and senses strong emotion. She uses these abilities to escape predators and evil humans.
I tried to integrate Necturna's abilities into her Dex entries. Each focuses on her seemingly-Psychic abilities that the abilities Telepathy and Anticipation hint to.
C+C is very welcome.
The Essence Pokemon
Black: This ghastly Pokemon is said to be able to communicate with spirits. When in the location of a past great tragedy, it shudders violently.
White: An alluring Pokemon that communicates with spirits and senses strong emotion. She uses these abilities to escape predators and evil humans.
I tried to integrate Necturna's abilities into her Dex entries. Each focuses on her seemingly-Psychic abilities that the abilities Telepathy and Anticipation hint to.
C+C is very welcome.
Final Submission
Necturna: Flytrap pokemon
Black: Its body seems to be possessed by the spirits it contacts while it is channeling them.
White: Though it can communicate with spirits of the deceased, it seeks a steadfast companion for true contact.
Necturna: Flytrap pokemon
Black: Its body seems to be possessed by the spirits it contacts while it is channeling them.
White: Though it can communicate with spirits of the deceased, it seeks a steadfast companion for true contact.
Necturna
The Wilted Plant Pokemon
Black: The vines on its arms are known to suck souls from bodies, but will only perform this when threatened.
White: Necturna is feared by gardeners, for Necturna will haunt them if they leave a flower to wilt. It can communicate with plants with the eyes on its skirt
My goal with this entry was to show that Necturna may have a bad rep, but it is a good Pokemon at heart. In the Black entry, I wanted to focus on Necturna's offensive capabilities as well as the evil it is able to perform, but it only does this when it feels threatened, as the entry says. The White entry was more on how it treats humans. It may appear a bit extreme at first, but Necturna was once left unkept too, so it doesn't want other plants to suffer the same fate. If it's too long, I'll cut the last sentence out. I know the two entries may not go that well together, but then again, some entries don't (see Gothorita's BW entry).
The Wilted Plant Pokemon
Black: The vines on its arms are known to suck souls from bodies, but will only perform this when threatened.
White: Necturna is feared by gardeners, for Necturna will haunt them if they leave a flower to wilt. It can communicate with plants with the eyes on its skirt
My goal with this entry was to show that Necturna may have a bad rep, but it is a good Pokemon at heart. In the Black entry, I wanted to focus on Necturna's offensive capabilities as well as the evil it is able to perform, but it only does this when it feels threatened, as the entry says. The White entry was more on how it treats humans. It may appear a bit extreme at first, but Necturna was once left unkept too, so it doesn't want other plants to suffer the same fate. If it's too long, I'll cut the last sentence out. I know the two entries may not go that well together, but then again, some entries don't (see Gothorita's BW entry).
Necturna
Fallen Foliage Pokemon
Black: It appears when the leaves begin to wilt and fall. It doesn't cope well in lively plant life, so it hides in caves during the spring and summer time.
White: It hides within the shadows of leafless trees. It uses the teeth on its dress to capture and devour unsuspecting prey.
Option 2
Black: It feeds on grass type pokemon with the teeth on its dress. It is often spotted wondering the charred remains of forests that were set ablaze.
White: It wonders out of caves in the fall and winter. It causes plants to wilt with a single glance.
Fallen Foliage Pokemon
Black: It appears when the leaves begin to wilt and fall. It doesn't cope well in lively plant life, so it hides in caves during the spring and summer time.
White: It hides within the shadows of leafless trees. It uses the teeth on its dress to capture and devour unsuspecting prey.
Option 2
Black: It feeds on grass type pokemon with the teeth on its dress. It is often spotted wondering the charred remains of forests that were set ablaze.
White: It wonders out of caves in the fall and winter. It causes plants to wilt with a single glance.
Final Submission:
Necturna - The Decay Maiden Pokemon
Black: A mysterious species, these pokemon hold very close bonds with loved ones, even after death.
White: This pokemon is composed of decayed matter. It has been said they stalk dark forests and swamps to find lost souls.
Necturna - The Decay Maiden Pokemon
Black: A mysterious species, these pokemon hold very close bonds with loved ones, even after death.
White: This pokemon is composed of decayed matter. It has been said they stalk dark forests and swamps to find lost souls.
Alright, a few notes on general dex entries and how they're composed.
Remember to keep them short and sweet. Sometimes when it comes to portraying an idea less is more. One or two short sentences is adequate.
Please try and not use grander terms than nessessary to communicate a concept. If it has the average english speaking person reach for a dictionary or has a simpler word that conveys the exact same thing rework it.
If a single dex entry conveys more than one idea about the Pokémon then it should be split up into seperate entries. Occasionally you can have two if both are very short such as Serperior's entry: "It can stop its opponents' movements with just a glare. It takes in solar energy and boosts it internally." Either way I wouldn't consider this good practice even if there's precedent for it since the jump between ideas in a single entry is jarring to read.
Don't try to shoehorn Sketch into it. That ship has long sailed and anything more than just a vauge nod to the small connection between spirits and mimicry is overdone in my opinion.
Once you've got these things down it'll come down to lore preference of the reader. After all this is basically where a good chunk of the Pokémon's personality comes from! With that said I'd like to say several submissions stand out to me at the moment:
Remember to keep them short and sweet. Sometimes when it comes to portraying an idea less is more. One or two short sentences is adequate.
Please try and not use grander terms than nessessary to communicate a concept. If it has the average english speaking person reach for a dictionary or has a simpler word that conveys the exact same thing rework it.
If a single dex entry conveys more than one idea about the Pokémon then it should be split up into seperate entries. Occasionally you can have two if both are very short such as Serperior's entry: "It can stop its opponents' movements with just a glare. It takes in solar energy and boosts it internally." Either way I wouldn't consider this good practice even if there's precedent for it since the jump between ideas in a single entry is jarring to read.
Don't try to shoehorn Sketch into it. That ship has long sailed and anything more than just a vauge nod to the small connection between spirits and mimicry is overdone in my opinion.
Once you've got these things down it'll come down to lore preference of the reader. After all this is basically where a good chunk of the Pokémon's personality comes from! With that said I'd like to say several submissions stand out to me at the moment:
"The Nightshade Pokemon
White: At night Necturna deceives men with its appearance and feasts on their spirit. It remembers each one's taste distinctly.
Black: Necturna rests during the day by burrowing underground to disguise itself as a flower. Anyone unfortunate enough to peer inside the petals will lose their soul."
This submission is very flavourful without dragging on too long. The dark vibe to it is roughly in the area of Chandelure and ghosts in general in Pokémon lore so if you're aiming for a more nasty Necturna this is an excellent choice.
On a smaller note, I really like the idea of using Nightshade as the species name. Especially on a darker entry like this. It ties both types together quite neatly.
Personally I'm more into a subtly dark flavour but this was too well crafted to miss.
White: At night Necturna deceives men with its appearance and feasts on their spirit. It remembers each one's taste distinctly.
Black: Necturna rests during the day by burrowing underground to disguise itself as a flower. Anyone unfortunate enough to peer inside the petals will lose their soul."
This submission is very flavourful without dragging on too long. The dark vibe to it is roughly in the area of Chandelure and ghosts in general in Pokémon lore so if you're aiming for a more nasty Necturna this is an excellent choice.
On a smaller note, I really like the idea of using Nightshade as the species name. Especially on a darker entry like this. It ties both types together quite neatly.
Personally I'm more into a subtly dark flavour but this was too well crafted to miss.
"Thorn Spirit Pokemon.
White: It has a symbiotic relationship with otherworldly spirits. They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims.
Black: This Pokemon makes its home in desolate forests. Campers who treat its habitat disrespectfully are not seen again."
A much more neutral entry, for a ghost type at least. I like how he doesn't attempt to make Necturna more than it is and just neatly outlines a protective and spiritual nature without beating you on the head.
I do find the sentence, "They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims", slightly awkward but i'm not sure if that can be fixed. All potential fixes I can think of add other problems.
White: It has a symbiotic relationship with otherworldly spirits. They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims.
Black: This Pokemon makes its home in desolate forests. Campers who treat its habitat disrespectfully are not seen again."
A much more neutral entry, for a ghost type at least. I like how he doesn't attempt to make Necturna more than it is and just neatly outlines a protective and spiritual nature without beating you on the head.
I do find the sentence, "They aid it while hunting in exchange for fresh life energy from its victims", slightly awkward but i'm not sure if that can be fixed. All potential fixes I can think of add other problems.
"The Essence Pokemon
Black: This ghastly Pokemon is said to be able to communicate with spirits. When in the location of a past great tragedy, it shudders violently.
White: An alluring Pokemon that communicates with spirits and senses strong emotion. She uses these abilities to escape predators and evil humans."
The most sympathetic of the current entries I like. Though both the entries are quite similar the idea of Necturna shuddering at areas of tradegy was quite a powerful image to me, regardless of its connection to the abilities.
I think the white entry could use more work. Though repeating information through the versions is quite common in the games I find it boring. Perhaps focusing more on the emotional sense aspect while removing the spiritual communing would be a better idea?
Also in the white entry I think the part, "to escape from predators and evil humans" is too wordy. "To escape from harm", is much neater, or if you want to keep the evil aspect just sub harm with evil. There's no need to have both since it's implied.
Black: This ghastly Pokemon is said to be able to communicate with spirits. When in the location of a past great tragedy, it shudders violently.
White: An alluring Pokemon that communicates with spirits and senses strong emotion. She uses these abilities to escape predators and evil humans."
The most sympathetic of the current entries I like. Though both the entries are quite similar the idea of Necturna shuddering at areas of tradegy was quite a powerful image to me, regardless of its connection to the abilities.
I think the white entry could use more work. Though repeating information through the versions is quite common in the games I find it boring. Perhaps focusing more on the emotional sense aspect while removing the spiritual communing would be a better idea?
Also in the white entry I think the part, "to escape from predators and evil humans" is too wordy. "To escape from harm", is much neater, or if you want to keep the evil aspect just sub harm with evil. There's no need to have both since it's implied.
This currently stands as the best 'Dex entry, in my opinion. Not as keen on the Black because it's a direct reference to Necturna's interaction with humans, which definitely makes sense (as it comes from a human-compiled PokeDex) but draws away from some of the plant-spirit vibe given off in the White entry.
This, while perhaps not the best flavor-wise, is an interesting concept and kind of makes me wish that the spectral boundary between life and death concerning Ghost-types, but Necturna especially given its plant-nature, was more embellished.
Going to toss my hat into the ring, if only to perhaps inspire someone else? At the moment this remains a rough draft.
Necturna, the Wilting Pokemon.
White: Necturna shadows the trees of dense forests. Its vine is a fierce weapon, though Necturna only strikes when it senses danger.
Black: A spectral form of the woes of the forest, Necturna protects the surrounding nature from further harm.
Justification (Species Name): I like the idea of "Wilting" over "Wilted" as the latter seems a bit too dead for my tastes. Wilting implies that it is decrepit, but not fully run-down and can still guard its shrine successfully. I also much prefer singular species names to those that span two words, but again that's personal taste.
Justification (White): Attempted to convey the Forewarn ability a bit in this one while retaining the Grass/Ghost imagery. Concerned that "shadows" implies more of a Dark-type nature than that of a Ghost-type.
Justification (Black): More of a try on the "maiden" aspect of Necturna here. Not gonna lie, this may have been inspired by the movie marathon I had this weekend (Spirited Away / Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind) and the fact that my little sister is pumped for the new Lorax movie...
FINAL SUBMISSION
Necturna the Decay Pokemon.
Black: Necturna commonly resides inside dead plant life, and can take control of these plants to scare away travelers.
White: "The vine on Necturna's head is actually the only living organism, and the rest of the body is created from dead plant life sung together."
Necturna the Decay Pokemon.
Black: Necturna commonly resides inside dead plant life, and can take control of these plants to scare away travelers.
White: "The vine on Necturna's head is actually the only living organism, and the rest of the body is created from dead plant life sung together."
Final Submission
Necturna, the Soul Eating Pokemon
Black: It can be heard chanting eerily during the night. It is rumored that it is communicating with the dead.
White: Necturna's jaws are capable of consuming both the body and the spirit of its prey.
Since Necturna is a Ghost-type Pokemon, I aimed to keep a sense of mystery and "other-worldliness" about her. The species name is in reference to her carnivorous inklings. However, I fancy the idea that she can consume both a Pokemon's soul and its body. Her multiple layers of teeth suggest flesh eating, while her Ghost-typing and spiritual theme indicate the ability to ingest a spirit. A similar theme can be seen with Chandelure's entry, where it absorbs spirits. All of these themes are evident in the White Pokedex entry.
The Black entry, on the other hand, adds a bit more flavor. The chanting is a direct play off of the "Nocturne" aspect of her name. I feel that the connection of musicality between her name and a Pokedex entry is a relevant addition. The rumored portion also is a slight nod towards Sketch, yet isn't overbearing. The mysterious aspect of whether or not this event occurs is a similar tactic used in Shedinja's entry. It leaves a sense of danger, like one cannot find out what Necturna is really up to in the night; her ferocious-looking jaws certainly don't support a positive answer to the question. I'm sorry if "eerily" might seem a bit complex, but when Dusknoir uses "pliant" and Dewott uses made up words like "scalchop," I feel justified in using it as a descriptor!
Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading! Best of luck to all participants.
Necturna, the Soul Eating Pokemon
Black: It can be heard chanting eerily during the night. It is rumored that it is communicating with the dead.
White: Necturna's jaws are capable of consuming both the body and the spirit of its prey.
Since Necturna is a Ghost-type Pokemon, I aimed to keep a sense of mystery and "other-worldliness" about her. The species name is in reference to her carnivorous inklings. However, I fancy the idea that she can consume both a Pokemon's soul and its body. Her multiple layers of teeth suggest flesh eating, while her Ghost-typing and spiritual theme indicate the ability to ingest a spirit. A similar theme can be seen with Chandelure's entry, where it absorbs spirits. All of these themes are evident in the White Pokedex entry.
The Black entry, on the other hand, adds a bit more flavor. The chanting is a direct play off of the "Nocturne" aspect of her name. I feel that the connection of musicality between her name and a Pokedex entry is a relevant addition. The rumored portion also is a slight nod towards Sketch, yet isn't overbearing. The mysterious aspect of whether or not this event occurs is a similar tactic used in Shedinja's entry. It leaves a sense of danger, like one cannot find out what Necturna is really up to in the night; her ferocious-looking jaws certainly don't support a positive answer to the question. I'm sorry if "eerily" might seem a bit complex, but when Dusknoir uses "pliant" and Dewott uses made up words like "scalchop," I feel justified in using it as a descriptor!
Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading! Best of luck to all participants.
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