CAP 27 - Part 12 - Pokedex Submissions

Status
Not open for further replies.
I strongly disagree with these points you've made. For one, this Pokémon has a strong fireworks theme, and the whole deal with fireworks is that they explode, so I don't know why Astrolotl couldn't do that in its dex entry (it can still explode, after all). Not learning moves by levelup doesn't automatically mean that a Pokémon can't have certain themes mentioned in their dex entries. Tying into that, I don't think that a lack of dance moves should mean it can't dance - there are a few Pokémon that don't learn dance moves (Rain Dance is kinda wide-spread so not counting that) despite having a dancing theme in their entries and even in design:
- Kirlia, who is basically a ballerina
- Medicham and Hitmontop include dance in their fighting styles
- Clefairy dance around meteorites and in the air (they can also fly appearantly!)
- Jynx is a hula dancer

With that said, there are also a lot of Pokémon capable of flight that don't learn Fly (most of the pixie mythicals, Dragonair, Elgyem/Beheeyem, most flying bugs etc.). I think for dex entries we can a bit more liberal with flavor rather than confining it to what moves a mon learns, let alone by levelup. Dex entries are really the place for people to share what a Pokémon conveys to them! If you don't necessarily agree with someone's views, you can just not vote for their entries.
For counterpoints:

- I'm not against explosions. I'm against "exploding itself". That's the territory of the move "Explosion". Stuff like the ones that say "give off burst of explosive energy" or "can fire exploding projectiles" or similar things don't get the anti-explosion mention. It's only the ones that talk about blowing ourselves up.

- Dancing is fine on those pokemon because it's part of their design's inspiration. We don't have that. We are simply an energetic and happy pokemon. The art isn't inspired by dancing. The moves? No dancing. The inspiration? Fireworks, axolotls, and magical girls; no direct ties to dancing. You could argue that "fireworks=celebration=dancing" and/or "magical girl=feminine=dancing", but that's a tirtiary theme. I don't oppose simply mentioning dancing. I oppose it as a significant theme. For example, on Gekokeso's entry, I mention that it's not a major issue there. That kind of mention is mostly fine, because it matches the degree to which our inspiration is tied to dancing. I only dislike the ones where it became a major point to the degree of a species name or an entire dex entry.

- I'm not against flight. I'm against extended periods of flight. Stuff like "shoots into the sky like a firework" or even "can be seen going across the sky" is mostly fine. Stuff like "lives in the upper atmosphere" isn't as fine.

As for that last part: "If you don't necessarily agree with someone's views, you can just not vote for their entries," I strongly disagree. If they don't necessarily agree with my views, they can share their thoughts and/or just not change their entries. But both me and them have the right to share our opinions. What would be the point of feedback if no one was allowed to share conflicting opinions?
 
- Adult themes: Not that kind; get your mind out of the gutter. I mean things like depression, violence, hostility, etc. We are a super happy looking pokemon. We are inspired by magical girls, who are supposed to be symbols of innocence and friendship. We are inspired by fireworks, which are a symbol of celebration. And most importantly of all, this is a pokedex entry, and pokemon is designed around being friendly to kid. Negative things happening to Astrolotl or being caused by Astrolotl just feel out of place.
Thanks for the feedback guy, the only thing that I don’t agree with is this. The Pokédex is filled to the brim with many Pokemon with dark entries, even cute or happy ones like sligoo(melts and eats its friends), ), bewear(hugs you too strong and you die), drampa(burns down the houses of the bullies of his kid) etc. Drampa and sligoo are better examples due to being cute dragon Types with an occasionally dark entry. A lot of fire types talk about dangerously high temperatures so there’s that too. I agree that the Pokédex entries shouldn’t be too edgy but some entries can be a bit dark. Fireworks are beautiful but also extremely dangerous (in my country they have banned them to only allowing sparklers because About 20 children were left with 3rd-2nd degree burns each year in December) so I don’t think a dark entry would be that out of place
 

G-Luke

Sugar, Spice and One for All
is a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Forum Moderator Alumnus
For counterpoints:

- I'm not against explosions. I'm against "exploding itself". That's the territory of the move "Explosion". Stuff like the ones that say "give off burst of explosive energy" or "can fire exploding projectiles" or similar things don't get the anti-explosion mention. It's only the ones that talk about blowing ourselves up.

- Dancing is fine on those pokemon because it's part of their design's inspiration. We don't have that. We are simply an energetic and happy pokemon. The art isn't inspired by dancing. The moves? No dancing. The inspiration? Fireworks, axolotls, and magical girls; no direct ties to dancing. You could argue that "fireworks=celebration=dancing" and/or "magical girl=feminine=dancing", but that's a tirtiary theme. I don't oppose simply mentioning dancing. I oppose it as a significant theme. For example, on Gekokeso's entry, I mention that it's not a major issue there. That kind of mention is mostly fine, because it matches the degree to which our inspiration is tied to dancing. I only dislike the ones where it became a major point to the degree of a species name or an entire dex entry.

- I'm not against flight. I'm against extended periods of flight. Stuff like "shoots into the sky like a firework" or even "can be seen going across the sky" is mostly fine. Stuff like "lives in the upper atmosphere" isn't as fine.

As for that last part: "If you don't necessarily agree with someone's views, you can just not vote for their entries," I strongly disagree. If they don't necessarily agree with my views, they can share their thoughts and/or just not change their entries. But both me and them have the right to share our opinions. What would be the point of feedback if no one was allowed to share conflicting opinions?
There is nothing wrong with noting that a Pokemon explodes if it can learn the move Explosion via Egg Move. And even with your peculiar logic, my pokedex Entry, the one in which you brought this issue to light, never said anything about this Pokemon detonating itself. I said it causes explosions in its wake.
 
Thanks for the feedback guy, the only thing that I don’t agree with is this. The Pokédex is filled to the brim with many Pokemon with dark entries, even cute or happy ones like sligoo(melts and eats its friends), ), bewear(hugs you too strong and you die), drampa(burns down the houses of the bullies of his kid) etc. Drampa and sligoo are better examples due to being cute dragon Types with an occasionally dark entry. A lot of fire types talk about dangerously high temperatures so there’s that too. I agree that the Pokédex entries shouldn’t be too edgy but some entries can be a bit dark. Fireworks are beautiful but also extremely dangerous (in my country they have banned them to only allowing sparklers because About 20 children were left with 3rd-2nd degree burns each year in December) so I don’t think a dark entry would be that out of place
Fair enough. I just feel like it's particularly off in this case because of our themes. I'm not downright refusing any of them, but I think they should be handled very carefully. I'd also like to point out that in the case of the two dragons, those were entries from follow up games, whereas in Bewear's case that's the entire joke behind the name, and it's theme is literal bear hugs. But point conceded that there certainly are darker entries. I still do feel like things like Madsi's original mention of them being poached or Estronic's mention of it dying alone and in despair are a bit darker than even entries like the ones you referenced; the ones you referenced seem to play it off a little more light-heartedly.

There is nothing wrong with noting that a Pokemon explodes if it can learn the move Explosion via Egg Move. And even with your peculiar logic, my pokedex Entry, the one in which you brought this issue to light, never said anything about this Pokemon detonating itself. I said it causes explosions in its wake.
Sorry; I mostly meant that first part as a joke. On most of them I was serious, but on yours I was playing it off for humor, because you made the moveset. I mentioned that it was a joke, but I can see why it'd come off as a bit of a jab rather than pure jest due to the follow up. I admit, your entry's mention of explosions was pretty much fine. As I said, it's really just the word "explosion" that posed any issue, and even that isn't a major problem but rather a minor wording gripe. I was mostly just being silly.
 
Last edited:
WIP

Astrolotl,
the Radiant Pokémon

Sword: Its regenerative abilities produce great amounts of waste heat energy. It uses this heat to warm and comfort smaller Pokémon in colder climates.

Shield: If surprised, it releases a burst of heat and light, then escapes. Ancient Galarians used to deliberately startle Astrolotl to watch these displays.

After reading through the feedback I was given and the other entries posted here, I changed the angle of the entries in general. The Sword entry still plays up its regeneration, but not in a creepy way; it shows that it produces tons of heat energy (offensive), but that it's a caring and nurturing Pokémon (team support).
 

Quanyails

is a Top Artistis a Community Leaderis a Community Contributor Alumnus
CAP Co-Leader
Now that we have our flavor abilities, we have all of the information that makes up CAP 27! With that in mind, you have 24 hours to make your final submissions! Please make sure that your entries abide by the format listed in the opening post and are in perfect English!

People who haven't made a final submission yet:

Madsi6 Scizivire King Of Moths Zephyr2007 CharSiuEmboar Estronic MrDollSteak -Voltage- Gekokeso EthanLac aaronarium Shadowshocker Darek851 spookysocialist Squidy822 G-Luke tiernothebeast Falchion Krazyguy75 Reiga
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Resplendent Pokémon

Sword: Galarian folklore says that Astrolotl can read the stars for the purposes of divination. Royalty of old were said to employ them as soothsayers.

Shield: It can produce colorful explosions that it enjoys playing with. It sometimes blows off limbs on accident, but they grow back within days.
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Firework Pokémon

Sword: Astrolotl are capable of regenerating even lost limbs. When excited, they are known to explode the air around them with little regard for their own safety.

Shield: Astrolotl are nocturnal, flying into the night sky to hunt. While their explosions are beautiful, be warned—the sparks left over are extremely dangerous!
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Firework Pokémon

Sword: When grabbed by the tail, Astrolotl will detonate its tail in a sparkling explosion to escape. It takes only a few days for its tail to regrow.

Shield: It is said that the first group of Astrolotl lived on the moon. According to folklore, a shooting star is just an Astrolotl migrating to Earth.
 

Estronic

grateful grapefruit
is a Site Content Manageris a Top Social Media Contributoris a Community Leaderis a Contributor to Smogonis a Smogon Media Contributor
GP Co-Leader
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Luminous Pokémon

Sword: Some believe that the Astrolotl used to create fireworks for celebrations today are the same ones that participated in light rituals in ancient times.

Shield: When Astrolotl dies, it explodes like a dying star, so it must be alone to protect its loved ones. It is the only time in its life when it feels despair.
 
Last edited:
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Spectacle Pokémon

Sword: Astrolotl love mounting week-long spectacles for Pokémon and humans alike, moving their antennae like lashes to create colourful sparks in the sky.

Shield: It is very dangerous to interrupt an Astrolotl when it’s mounting a spectacle, as in rage, it crashes into rude spectators with the strength of a meteor.

(thanks for feedback hematite)
 
Last edited:
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Luminescent Pokémon

Sword: These energetic Pokémon always frolic in groups of five. On clear nights, they fly in perfect formation, leaving trails of colorful sparks like tiny stars.

Shield: Its luminous, whip-like tail and feelers are covered in glands that secrete a fluid hotter than lava. If lost in battle, they will grow back within a day.
 
Last edited:

G-Luke

Sugar, Spice and One for All
is a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Forum Moderator Alumnus
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Pyrotechnics Pokémon

Sword: Astrolotl generates a stream of colorful explosions as it soars through the night sky, making it popular among people during the holidays.

Shield: The mucous membrane found on Astrolotl's skin has magical healing properties and is a sought-after commodity by healers and merchants alike.



The Sword entry plays on the major aspect of Astrolotl's design, which are Fireworks! I find that Astro seemed to be a pretty joyful pokemon, and while magical flight abilities seem like a stretch, being based partially on Magical girls seems like being able fly without classic Pokemon logic (being a bird), which also justifies being able to fly without having the move Fly.

The Shield entry plays on real life salamanders and their actual coatng of mucus on their skin, a reasoning for Regenerator being a primary ability and the trope on magical girls having healing powers. With Life Dew being in its egg movepool, I think this is also the best way to justify it here. It also is a reference to real life salamanders being a common thing tied to healers and witches, as the "eye of a newt" being an ingredient of lots of concoctions in folklore. The membrane is just overall not as nasty as eyes though.
 

MrDollSteak

is a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributor
Moderator
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Fireworks Pokémon

Sword: Fiercely loyal, it will defend its Trainer by whipping foes with flaming ribbons.

Shield: When Astrolotl fly across the night sky, they shed sparkling scales behind them that explode like fireworks.
 
Last edited:
Hi! I have a tiny bit of feedback on the final subs so far because I'm looking over the thread. It looks like entries will be disqualified if they don't conform to standard English conventions, so I thought I should make a few corrections to avoid that:

Madsi6: "However" is not a coordinating conjunction, so what you have is a comma splice! Here are some alternative options:
Their ribbons are said to be filled with mystical powers, but (replace "however") researchers...​
Their ribbons are said to be filled with mystical powers; (add semicolon) however, (add comma) researchers...​
Their ribbons are said to be filled with mystical powers. (add period) However, (capitalize "However" and add comma) researchers...​
In your second entry, I would change the second "Astrolotl" to "themselves" if possible.

The Metric System: You should make sure to have an é in Pokémon! (I love your entries!)

Ubertrainer2000: This one isn't about conventions, but just in terms of flow, I'm not sure how necessary the "successfully" is in your first entry. I would consider removing it!

aaronarium: I would consider replacing this:
It can produce colorful explosions that it enjoys playing with​
with this:
It enjoys playing with the colorful explosions that it produces​
I would also suggest changing "on accident" to "by accident," which is more conventional and strikes me as more likely to be approved? I'm not sure how lenient the CAP Pokédex entry team is - it's certainly a common way to phrase it - but it can't hurt to be safe.

Gekokeso: Both of your entries are too long to be accepted! Be aware that the limit is 156 characters. I didn't actually check every final submission for this, but yours just looked particularly long to me - everyone should still make sure to check their own!
Aside from that, the "P" in "pokémon" should be capitalized in the first entry (also, this isn't strictly necessary, but I find that the phrase "people and Pokémon" is used often in the series and might flow better than "Pokémon and humans"). Your second entry also has a few small typos - other than the length, I would recommend fixing these:
It is very dangerous to interrupt an Astrolotl when it's (add an apostrophe) mounting a spectacle, as in a rage, (add a comma) it can crash into rude spectators with the strength of (add "of") a meteor. Various villages around Galar have been destroyed this way.​

MrDollSteak: I would have a comma before "which" in your second entry!

I hope this is helpful! I don't mean to nitpick your writing or anything - I just know that you don't have long to fix these and that they may not be accepted if you don't. Good luck to everyone in the vote! C:
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Starburst Pokémon

Sword: Astrolotl's skin is coated with gel that accelerates healing. This coating comes off when it moves and its flammable skin ignites in bursts of color.

Shield: In folklore, it is said these Pokémon are fallen stars who now seek to leap back to the heavens. This sight may have inspired the creation of fireworks.



Ooh boy that was a tough one to fit into 156 characters. Space, fireworks, and regeneration all in 2 entries...
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Flare Pokémon

Sword: It releases excess energy as sparks, creating a shimmering trail as it races through the night sky. People sometimes mistake Astrolotl for a shooting star.

Shield: When an Astrolotl gets separated from its pack, they will fire colorful bursts into the sky to act as a beacon to guide the lost one home.
 
Last edited:
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Comet Pokémon

Sword: The streamers on Astrolotl's head glow brightly with the energy of its innate flame. The trails left by these streamers shine among the Galarian night sky.

Shield: Astrolotl has remarkable regenerative abilities, able to regrow an entire arm in a week. These abilities have been hallowed by ancient tribes as mystical.
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Starburst Pokémon

Sword: It secretes a protective balm which can be ignited to produce fireworks. Ancient Galarians discovered that it also works as a salve for burns, oddly enough.

Shield: It captivates prey and enemies by putting on fireworks displays. Sometimes they accidentally lure Salandit from Salazzle harems, and fights break out.
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Radiant Pokémon

Sword: Its regenerative abilities produce great amounts of waste heat energy. It uses this heat to warm and comfort smaller Pokémon in colder climates.

Shield: If surprised, it releases a burst of heat and light, then escapes. Ancient Galarians used to deliberately startle Astrolotl to watch these displays.
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Constellation Pokémon

Sword; Astrolotl bask in the starlight of cloudless night skies. The coloration of each one is unique, as their scales gradually change to mirror the heavens.

Shield; Ancient myths say that Astrolotl created the constellations to help with navigation. Sighting one when setting off an adventure is considered good luck.
 
Last edited:

G-Luke

Sugar, Spice and One for All
is a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Forum Moderator Alumnus
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Constellation Pokémon

Sword; Astrolotl bask in the starlight of cloudless night skies. The coloration of each one is unique as their scales gradually change to mirror the heavens.

Shield; Ancient Myths say that Astrolotl created the constellations to help with navigation. Sighting one when setting off an adventure is considered good luck.
Don't bold the names. I'd hate to see good subs be disqualified
 
Final Submission

Astrolotl
, the Frivolous Pokémon

Sword: On nights when many people gather, Astrolotl soar through the sky and create beautiful, bright patterns with their fiery ribbons.

Shield: During battle, Astrolotl tries to keep its opponents at bay by swinging its ribbons and tail around in a rhythmic manner, resembling a mystical dance.
 

Reiga

im dying squirtle
is a Top Artist
Final Submission

Astrolotl,
the Dazzle Flame Pokémon

Sword: It is tradition to make a wish whenever this Pokémon is seen flying by in the night sky. Festivals have been started in seasons when Astrolotl gather.

Shield: With a special sparkling powder, Astrolotl light up dazzling fireworks to smite evildoers. Small and defenseless Pokémon tend to idolize it as a result.
 
Last edited:
Convention checks part two:

This coating comes off when it moves and its flammable skin ignites in bursts of color.
Suggestion: add a comma after "moves." The "and" there is a coordinating conjunction.

People sometimes mistake Astrolotl for a shooting star.
I would consider changing this to "for shooting stars" - it seems like Astrolotl here is referring to the species in general, not to a single individual - but it's up to you!

I would suggest "inner" here - I'm not sure if the meaning of "innate" is exactly what you want! I was going to suggest "internal," but that actually exceeds the limit, haha. I'm guessing that's why you went for "innate" in the first place!

It secretes a protective balm which can be ignited to produce fireworks.
I would either add a comma after "balm" or replace "which" with "that" (but not both of these!).
Also, I would add a comma after "sometimes" in your last sentence, as it's an introductory adverb that appears to modify the entire sentence.

used to deliberately startle Astrolotl
Admittedly, I have absolutely no idea if people care about following this "rule" (you'd be surprised by how often it's contested), so this probably isn't necessary, but it might be worth reordering this to "used to startle Astrolotl deliberately" or "deliberately used to startle Astrolotl" in order to avoid splitting the infinitive ("to startle"). Could whoever is deciding the slate clarify whether this is necessary? I would allow this either way, but I'm not sure how strict the requirements are, haha.

The coloration of each one is unique as their scales gradually change to mirror the heavens.
I would add a comma after "unique" here - the way the sentence is written now, it looks like you're using "as" in the temporal sense ("the coloration is unique while their scales gradually change"), but I think you meant to establish a cause and effect.

During battle, Astrolotl tries to keep its opponents at bay by swinging its ribbons and tail around in a rhythmic manner, resembling a mystical dance.
I wasn't actually super confident in my judgment here, so I asked someone on the GP team for help, and I think their advice was probably best!
The way the sentence is written now, it sort of looks like "resembling" is meant to be parallel to "swinging," which makes them feel equivalent or like two separate descriptors; one (vaguely) possible reading of the sentence is like this:
Astrolotl tries to keep its opponents at bay by swinging its ribbons and tail around in a rhythmic manner, and Astrolotl tries to keep its opponents at bay by resembling a mystical dance.​
That's probably not how anyone would read it - your meaning is still perfectly clear, and it's obvious that this alternate interpretation doesn't make a whole lot of sense - but I think it would look a tiny bit better if you altered it slightly to remove the ambiguity.
You wanted "resembling a mystical dance" to modify the entirety of the movement, not just Astrolotl itself, right?
The solution I would have proposed initially was just to remove the comma there, which is one way to make it clear that the two phrases weren't parallel; "resembling a mystical dance" would then be modifying just "a rhythmic manner."
However, it was pointed out to me that this doesn't really capture the full meaning, either - a much better suggestion would be to replace "resembling" with "which resembles" (this is still within the character limit!) and to keep the comma intact. This would mean that the entire clause before it resembles a mystical dance, which I think is much more accurate to the intended meaning than just removing the comma like I thought!
In any case, this is a super minor thing, and it seems like the consensus is that the way it is now is probably fine anyway! The GP user who contributed also pointed out that "Astrolotl" and "resembling" are so far apart that the potential alternative interpretation isn't really a likely issue anyway.
For what it's worth, I think that this should be slated whether you make the change or not - it's definitely not as clear-cut as some other conventions! Even so, this was one possible change that might be worth pursuing if it appeals to you.
(Sorry for such a long and weird breakdown of this one thing!)

in seasons where Astrolotl gather.
I think this should be "when" rather than "where."

This aside, I love all of these submissions!! You guys are all doing an amazing job with these!!

(Also, Zephyr2007 and Gekokeso, both of yours look perfect to me right now! I mostly haven't been responding to entries that didn't have corrections, but since yours have been edited since my last check, I just didn't want you to think I missed them!)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 1, Guests: 0)

Top