• Smogon Premier League is here and the team collection is now available. Support your team!

Emergency Situations

Status
Not open for further replies.
German slang so it can sound as angry and offensive as possible.

What would you take: A debit card with infinite amounts of money on it no strings attached, or a significant other who is your perfect soul mate in every way that will be with you for the rest of your life, but she's cursed in the fact that you will live that life in extreme poverty.
 
Debit card so you can buy yourself a woman and all the good things in life, obviously, including that woman you were talking about.

You are tied up in a room in the middle of nowhere, and there is no way out. A madman is pointing a gun at your head.
 
Its a ruse. The madman is a woman, and the gun is a banana.

Your father sends you on a task which you loathe, cleaning the stables. On the way there, pitchfork in hand, you run into your friend from the homestead near your own. He offers to do it for you, in return for a future favor of his choosing. What do you do?
 
You let your friend do it, and then you leave the farm and go to college to get laid, degree, get drunk, all that fun stuff, and you ignore that friend for the rest of your life.

You encounter an angry fat black woman yelling at you. What is she ranting about and how do you get her to stop?
 
Use the pitchfork to stab the horses and flame it on your friend.

Cookie becomes an administrator, specifically the head of the site.

edit: crap, ninja'd. The next person just do both of ours.
 
Cookie changed his avvy to an angry fat black woman? He must be yelling about how much everyone sucks and raging. I start a revolution and eventually take over the site then reinstate chaos as the head of the site.

You get off your couch and go into your kitchen when ninjas come out of nowhere and the leader asks you to save the world. If you don't...they'll beat you up.
 
Accept. Once the ninjas are gone get back to the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich.

You realise the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary. Somebody must right this injustice.
 
Send Webster a bug report.

It's the finals of the Smogon Tournament, but you accidently use your joke team of Magikarp, Feebas, Rattata, Caterpie, Weedle, and Wurmple.
 
Use Weedle's Poison Sting to poison the whole team, then wall it with Magikarp and win by stall. I mean really, take a look at this.
Arceus @ Life Orb (252 EVs, +Nature) Extremespeed vs Magikarp @ Evolution Stone (252/252 EVs, +Nature): 49.5 - 59% (121 - 144 HP)

For some reason, you're forced to go sledding with your little cousin, and he crashes into a tree. Drive him to the hospital and try to fix it without anyone knowing or tell someone? (serious answer)
 
Say you don't date liars.

You've been offered your dream job, hours of your choosing and weekends off, but get paid very little, as well as offered a horribly boring and monotonous job, always on call and long hours, but pays well enough for you to quit in the next three years and be able to live work-free.
 
My dream job would be inventing time machines. Take it and use it to get the monotonous job for those three years.

Giant alien robots are raining destruction down on the world. They are impervious to all forms of harm. What do you do?
 
Make squirrel pie.

You are at a Pokemon tournament and just vomited all over your DS. What do you do?
 
Moose repellent.

You're about to catch a shiny pokemon but only have enough battery power to catch it and save. You also have to use the bathroom really REALLY bad and need both hands.
 
Just go to the bathroom. I don't give a fuck about shiny pokemon.

You just realized that your life is void of meaning. You try to kill yourself but then you realize that you are immortal. You are also immune to drugs.
 
Why kill yourself just because there's no official meaning? enjoy your life!

You're internet is cursed and everytime you use it you get terrible nightmares.
 
Steal your neighbor's internet.

You have a banana, a plastic spoon, SAT vocabulary cards, and a pair of boxers. You need to construct a weapon from these materials to kill a psycho strangler that is after you. You cannot engage in close-range combat as that will let him rape you. What do you do?
 
Use the elastic from the boxers to make a sling, then use the sling to launch a vocabulary card at his throat. Worst paper cut ever.

You climb to the top of a dormant volcano, and as you start to walk down, it erupts.
 
Generic badass footstomp bringing up a surfboard of rock letting me ride the lava down the volcano. Then I pull a Mission Impossible level jump onto the rope hanging off a conveniently located helicopter and fly off into the sunset. And then facebook about it on the way home. YEAAAAAAH!

A volcano just erupted and you forgot that it was right next to your home town.
 
Drive. Fast.

You've just fallen into a dune full of big insects that only attack when they sense motion. You've got nothing with you but a shaken up soda and some sunglasses. You're also highly allergic to these insects so too many bites/stings could be fatal.
 
Fight - Pokemon - Items - RUN!

Running a marathon where the winner wins $100,000. You're in second place when the person in front of you trips and falls hard on his head.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top