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Emergency Situations

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How is that an emergency? You win the $100,000 and pay for the guy's surgery for his head.

You wake up in the back of a van and you are chained to a brazilian prostitute and a drunk irish midget. There is no driver in the van. There is a brick on the gas pedal.
 
Well, it was supposed to be like, go back and help or try and win, but whatever.

Shimmy your way like some kind of three-bodied monster to the front seat and take the brick off the pedal. then call the police.

Turns out vampires are real and outside your room. All the garlic is in your kitchen.
 
Good thing I ate a clove of it for a snack a few minutes ago. Breathe at them.

You are stranded in the middle of the Sahara with no way of contacting anyone, and with no way of making it known that you are there. (No calling rescue parties.)
 
Enjoy the peace for a week, then drive my helicopter back to civilization.

Your light bulb goes out, while it's hanging from the ceiling 20 feet above the floor, and you don't have a ladder. How do you change it?
 
I'm a Lanturn; I have two lightbulbs attached to my forehead anyway.

Your little brother just ate the last cookie, and your mom refuses to make you more cookies! And you don't know how to make them yourself, either... :(
 
I solicit sex from an underage person on-line, drive to their house, end up on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator." I have a rap sheet, I'm a sex offender, and can't get with in 1000 feet of a school, but they do give those perps free cookies.

You end up on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator..."
 
I scare Chris Hansen into admitting that he likes little girls.

You now have the song "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo stuck in your head.
 
Screw little girls; women are better

You're suddenly a chick magnet, and I don't mean girls, I mean CHICKEN.
 
Work at a homeless shelter. Let the people eat your chickens.

Everyone suddenly forgets how to speak any language you know. Soon, you have a heart attack and need to get to a hospital. You are allergic to certain medications they would try to give you.

Edit: Ninja'd
 
I always delete any traces, so unless they're computer majors or experts, they won't "find" anything.

Your vagina is scale-hard.
 
Write a will, hide my children, and hide my wife.

You have to write an essay on some boring topic but you only have an hour left.
 
fuck it

you have now been expelled from your institute of learning
 
EmuMan said:
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Did they?
Click to expand...
You witness your girlfriend about to make out with some random nerd.
 
Shout AWOOOOOOOOOOOO and then scarper. Ditch her at first opportunity afterwards.

You get stabbed by an assasin, and are bitten by a neurotoxin snake.
 
You realize the stab wasn't in a critical place, and a paramedic is near you and takes you to the hospital.

You're in an exotic looking hospital, you overhear a "patient" in an other room screaming "no! please don't do this! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!!", and the doctors look pretty suspicious too.
 
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