Content Warning: This Post Is Not Suitable For Minors. Or Majors. Or Anyone. It Is Highly Recommended That You Don't Look At This Post
Salutations posters and postees, I come to you today offering a wealth of information. For eons man has looked upon entities without titties and asked, "But what if it had a bang up pair of knockers?" Generation to generation we as a society have mused on the perfect way to attach bazongas to those less fortunate than the human species. But no solid conclusion has ever been reached. Indeed, many a philosopher has pondered if there even is such a thing as the perfect way to unite the rack and the rack-less
Well, I am no philosopher, but as an admirer and owner of the humble chesticle, and as one who is a self proclaimed artisan of the bust, I feel as though I have a certain level of appreciation for the breast that others may not possess. So now, Smogoff, I come bearing great gifts to you all. Two of them. Two big, round gifts. Attached to a radiator.
Step One:
Acquire The Entity
This is a pretty easy step - in order to attach boobage to boobee, you must first acquire said boobee. This can be achieved in several ways:
I already have my target; a darling little Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™
Just look at that grace! That form! That figure! A blank canvas on which I might design the finest jugs the world has ever seen!!
Once a victim has been acquired, take a photograph of its sweet, succulent form. With your entity now acquired, its time for the next phase:
Step Two:
This step consists of a few under-steps, similar to how a boob consists of under boob, side boob, top boob, and centre boob. And the rumoured internal boob, for the real freaks out there.
Under-Step One: Find A Suitable Photo-Manipulating Application
In order to add boobie, you must find an application that allows for such a feat - or teat, if you will. I am currently using Clip Paint Studio, though other reputable sources have informed me that Paint.Net, Krita, FireAlpaca and Adobe Photoshop are all well equipped for rack manipulation. Really any application that can be used for image manipulation and/or digital artistry may be used
Under-Step Two: Import Your Pre-Titty Entity Photo Into Your Application Of Choice:
Exactly how to perform this step with differ depending on your application. I don't know what else to say. Were you expecting something funny here? Just import the fucking photo you hooligan
Step Three:
The Beginning Of The Breastification
Ok first we're gonna do some learning. You know boobs? They're not just giant circles. They, like most objects in this universe, have mass. Weight. They are but fleshy funbags and as such they adhere to the laws of gravity just as much as you and I. Therefore, you must not draw titties as two spheres
Here is the beginning of the Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™'s breastification. You will observe that I have not taken to its form with the Draw Shape tool set to Circle like some self-proclaimed "titty appreciators" out there. It is not obvious now, as these gazongas feature no shading, but these tatas, while still being very round, are not perfect circles. They are, as all boobies are, slightly droopy, and this is what makes them actually look like breasts (good) and not large spheres (bad)
Step Four:
Light And Shadow; Jug Edition
For those unaware, boobs are affected by light. Those of you who live in a basement might not understand this concept, but I will break it down for you in an easy to understand manner
Areas that light cannot reach will be in shadow. However, it’s not quite as simple as that. Objects, particularly shadows, will also pick up on ambient lighting, which comes from the light that other surfaces reflect. Additionally, light from the surface that the object is sitting on will be reflected up, lighting up the shadow. As a rule of thumb, the place where the shadow begins will typically be the darkest part of the shadow - it’s called the core shadow. There should also be a cast shadow, which is the shadow cast on the surface it rests on. You should also consider the occlusion shadow, which is the shadow that occurs where two objects make contact. As a quick demonstration: look at your hand, and put your fingers together. There should be darker shadows in the space where two fingers meet; that’s an occlusion shadow. Some of these aforementioned shadows & lights aren't shown yet as I either a) forgot about them for a bit or b) typically add them towards the end of shading. Of course, there’s a lot more going on than just these basic parts, but that’s out of the scope of this titorial
Ok anyways back to the titties, shading them is pretty simple; they’re just, as previously discussed, slightly droopy circles, and therefore can be treated similarly to circles in terms of shading. The shadow should wrap around the breast, much like, perhaps, a hand. It shouldn’t go directly from light to shadow; there should be a gradient between the two, the strength of which depending on how close and strong the light source is. The closer and brighter the light source, the stronger the gradient between light and shadow
Above you may find my usual method for shading all manner of objects. And look, here’s our lovely Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™ now, all decked out with a designer pair of bazoongas
Step Five:
Adding Texture To Your Milkers
I want you, the user, to grope your nearest radiator. What does it feel like? Probably all smooth I hope, but there are also these indents bc like. heat distribution and science or some shit, idk. I’m not a science expert, I’m a breastpert
In order to get the titties above to look like they are actually attached to our model Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™, we need to emulate the texture of this divine being’s body
Marvellous! Truly marvellous! Now we are getting somewhere. Our boobs are, like the video game series Pocket Monsters, beginning to evolve. Now we may touch them all we like, and recognise the heavenly feeling of radiator bust. But alas, wait, a sudden revelation!
Step Six:
Female Presenting Nipples
We can’t have any female presenting nipples on our Christian Pokémon site! That’s indecent! Unheard of! We must do something to stop this madness!
Phew. And just like that, we have saved Smogon from nipples. Our artistic nudity has been censored in a tasteful manner, and now there is nothing titillating about these honkers. Spectacular.
Step Six:
wonder when it all went wrong
I mean with your life. Don’t worry, the titties look great. But Jesus Christ, that’s part of the problem. You’ve just spent god knows how long trying to perfect the texture and shading of two digital bazongerinos you will never know the real life embrace of. Should you utilise VR technology to make your dreams a reality? Maybe take a trip into the meta verse in order to fully appreciate the breasts you’ve sculpted, on both a visual and sensual level. But no - this is also part of the problem. You are obsessed with boobs. Boobs, breasts, titties, milkers, funbags, jugs, mammaries: the fact that you know so many different ways to refer to a pair of breasts is proof enough of this. What The Fuck Is Wrong With You. Have you no shame? No dignity? Jesus Christ.
Step Seven:
Reproducing These Effects On Other Unfortunate Souls
Now that you know all of the steps to boobify your surroundings, what will you do? Will you exercise this power justly, bringing hope to a hopeless world? Or will you let your light flicker and die like a candle in a dark, slightly damp but very humid room? This, my dear reader, is for you and you alone to decide. I only hope that you not abuse this power. namestey
Salutations posters and postees, I come to you today offering a wealth of information. For eons man has looked upon entities without titties and asked, "But what if it had a bang up pair of knockers?" Generation to generation we as a society have mused on the perfect way to attach bazongas to those less fortunate than the human species. But no solid conclusion has ever been reached. Indeed, many a philosopher has pondered if there even is such a thing as the perfect way to unite the rack and the rack-less
Well, I am no philosopher, but as an admirer and owner of the humble chesticle, and as one who is a self proclaimed artisan of the bust, I feel as though I have a certain level of appreciation for the breast that others may not possess. So now, Smogoff, I come bearing great gifts to you all. Two of them. Two big, round gifts. Attached to a radiator.
Step One:
Acquire The Entity
This is a pretty easy step - in order to attach boobage to boobee, you must first acquire said boobee. This can be achieved in several ways:
- Create an advertisement to be printed in your local newspaper
- Put up flyers around your neighbourhood
- Buy a billboard
- Produce various pieces of graffiti
I already have my target; a darling little Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™
Just look at that grace! That form! That figure! A blank canvas on which I might design the finest jugs the world has ever seen!!
Once a victim has been acquired, take a photograph of its sweet, succulent form. With your entity now acquired, its time for the next phase:
Step Two:
This step consists of a few under-steps, similar to how a boob consists of under boob, side boob, top boob, and centre boob. And the rumoured internal boob, for the real freaks out there.
Under-Step One: Find A Suitable Photo-Manipulating Application
In order to add boobie, you must find an application that allows for such a feat - or teat, if you will. I am currently using Clip Paint Studio, though other reputable sources have informed me that Paint.Net, Krita, FireAlpaca and Adobe Photoshop are all well equipped for rack manipulation. Really any application that can be used for image manipulation and/or digital artistry may be used
Under-Step Two: Import Your Pre-Titty Entity Photo Into Your Application Of Choice:
Exactly how to perform this step with differ depending on your application. I don't know what else to say. Were you expecting something funny here? Just import the fucking photo you hooligan
Step Three:
The Beginning Of The Breastification
Ok first we're gonna do some learning. You know boobs? They're not just giant circles. They, like most objects in this universe, have mass. Weight. They are but fleshy funbags and as such they adhere to the laws of gravity just as much as you and I. Therefore, you must not draw titties as two spheres
Here is the beginning of the Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™'s breastification. You will observe that I have not taken to its form with the Draw Shape tool set to Circle like some self-proclaimed "titty appreciators" out there. It is not obvious now, as these gazongas feature no shading, but these tatas, while still being very round, are not perfect circles. They are, as all boobies are, slightly droopy, and this is what makes them actually look like breasts (good) and not large spheres (bad)
Step Four:
Light And Shadow; Jug Edition
For those unaware, boobs are affected by light. Those of you who live in a basement might not understand this concept, but I will break it down for you in an easy to understand manner
Areas that light cannot reach will be in shadow. However, it’s not quite as simple as that. Objects, particularly shadows, will also pick up on ambient lighting, which comes from the light that other surfaces reflect. Additionally, light from the surface that the object is sitting on will be reflected up, lighting up the shadow. As a rule of thumb, the place where the shadow begins will typically be the darkest part of the shadow - it’s called the core shadow. There should also be a cast shadow, which is the shadow cast on the surface it rests on. You should also consider the occlusion shadow, which is the shadow that occurs where two objects make contact. As a quick demonstration: look at your hand, and put your fingers together. There should be darker shadows in the space where two fingers meet; that’s an occlusion shadow. Some of these aforementioned shadows & lights aren't shown yet as I either a) forgot about them for a bit or b) typically add them towards the end of shading. Of course, there’s a lot more going on than just these basic parts, but that’s out of the scope of this titorial
Ok anyways back to the titties, shading them is pretty simple; they’re just, as previously discussed, slightly droopy circles, and therefore can be treated similarly to circles in terms of shading. The shadow should wrap around the breast, much like, perhaps, a hand. It shouldn’t go directly from light to shadow; there should be a gradient between the two, the strength of which depending on how close and strong the light source is. The closer and brighter the light source, the stronger the gradient between light and shadow
Above you may find my usual method for shading all manner of objects. And look, here’s our lovely Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™ now, all decked out with a designer pair of bazoongas
Step Five:
Adding Texture To Your Milkers
I want you, the user, to grope your nearest radiator. What does it feel like? Probably all smooth I hope, but there are also these indents bc like. heat distribution and science or some shit, idk. I’m not a science expert, I’m a breastpert
In order to get the titties above to look like they are actually attached to our model Towelrads Oxfordshire Horizontal Designer Radiator ™, we need to emulate the texture of this divine being’s body
Marvellous! Truly marvellous! Now we are getting somewhere. Our boobs are, like the video game series Pocket Monsters, beginning to evolve. Now we may touch them all we like, and recognise the heavenly feeling of radiator bust. But alas, wait, a sudden revelation!
Step Six:
Female Presenting Nipples
We can’t have any female presenting nipples on our Christian Pokémon site! That’s indecent! Unheard of! We must do something to stop this madness!
Phew. And just like that, we have saved Smogon from nipples. Our artistic nudity has been censored in a tasteful manner, and now there is nothing titillating about these honkers. Spectacular.
Step Six:
wonder when it all went wrong
I mean with your life. Don’t worry, the titties look great. But Jesus Christ, that’s part of the problem. You’ve just spent god knows how long trying to perfect the texture and shading of two digital bazongerinos you will never know the real life embrace of. Should you utilise VR technology to make your dreams a reality? Maybe take a trip into the meta verse in order to fully appreciate the breasts you’ve sculpted, on both a visual and sensual level. But no - this is also part of the problem. You are obsessed with boobs. Boobs, breasts, titties, milkers, funbags, jugs, mammaries: the fact that you know so many different ways to refer to a pair of breasts is proof enough of this. What The Fuck Is Wrong With You. Have you no shame? No dignity? Jesus Christ.
Step Seven:
Reproducing These Effects On Other Unfortunate Souls
Now that you know all of the steps to boobify your surroundings, what will you do? Will you exercise this power justly, bringing hope to a hopeless world? Or will you let your light flicker and die like a candle in a dark, slightly damp but very humid room? This, my dear reader, is for you and you alone to decide. I only hope that you not abuse this power. namestey
