I'm a spineless little shit

[Doomsday]

So today at the bus, there some retards going around honking this huge ass horn and a big friend of mine had an headache. After like 5 minutes of successive honking and no one giving a shit, she stood up and told them to fuck off. At this point they make some fun of her, but then stopped and I put on my headphones. After like 15 minutes i look to the side and she's crying on her seat - apparently those motherfucking mongoloids started singing some song along the lines of "[FRIEND'SNAME] is a stupid whore". I got so fucking saddened i could almost cry at her side; it really doesn't seem like that much of a big deal right now, but believe me, this girl has lots of issues and this was the last thing she needed right now.
No one else in the bus, including our friends, gave a shit once again. They just stood in their own goddamn world. And all I could think of was of going back there and just getting into a big fucking argument with them (which I didn't do).

Well the thing about this thread is to talk about two things that always irked me: what the fuck is wrong with the world, and would I have defended my friend if I had heard the jest (and the consequences of defending her).

Basically the whole point of this story is that I'm a huge pussy. I probably would have said something along the lines of "what are you doing, what did she do to you to deserve this fucking shit?" and would not go anywhere from there (they would talk back and I would probably be mocked the whole rest of my high school year). Just by not being there to defend her makes me feel bad enough. But what really makes me feel awful, is that I was scared. I was scared of going back and hitting them.

Why am I making a big deal out of me being a coward? Well, first of all, this ain't the first time this has happened - once some little fuck was pushing my cousin and all I could do was watch. Second - well, honestly, the pain and regret after I realize that I just didn't move a finger to help a loved one is enormous. And third of all, if I keep this coward bullshit going I will never ever be taken seriously.

The worst thing is that my fear of fighting is completely fucking irrational. I mean, the offenders were from like 10th grade. I go to the gym, so it's not that I'm super strong but I have well-defined muscles (which is much more than most of them do have). If they ganged up on me, I'm sure my two best friends (who are stronger than me) would jump in to help me. So what the fuck am I afraid of? Sometimes I imagine that after beating some guy up he won't stay content and tell on me to a few larger friends to beat me up and that scares. But it's like, 'cmon are you fucking serious'. this is a small town that would never happen here.

So, how do i get over this shit? The simplest solution I thought is... well, to fucking have a real brawl for once and 'survive'. But I'm willing to accept more suggestions.

 

[Malfunction]

Will, you're not basically the only one like this.
I have been mocked by my friends like forever. And all I do is freakin' stand there, doing nothing. If you want the truth, I have basically never been in a serious fight. EVER.
Will, I don't really get why you are scared. For me, I lack the physical capabilities. I'm a short guy with almost no muscles. I don't go to any gym, and don't practice any form of martial arts, and I think that's what makes me basically scared of fighting or so. But you, you can do it. Maybe it's just that when you were a kid, you have been mocked by someone and was never capable of doing anything? This might have made an impression in you that 'you'll never be able to do it'. But hey, you have muscles and stronger friends to back you up. And besides, like I understood from you, the people are smaller than you. Trust me, if you don't give a strong impression of yourself to others the first time, you'll basically never have another chance to gain this impression. Really.

Thanks for your time.

 

[Malfunction]

Will, as I get it, this thread is for him to 'get movin' with this', not 'how to avoid them'.
But still, I agree with the fact that there are good people in this world.
Take chaos for example. He made this website for you to ask for help ^^.

 

[Altmer]

So today at the bus, there some retards going around honking this huge ass horn and a big friend of mine had an headache. After like 5 minutes of successive honking and no one giving a shit, she stood up and told them to fuck off. At this point they make some fun of her, but then stopped and I put on my headphones. After like 15 minutes i look to the side and she's crying on her seat - apparently those motherfucking mongoloids started singing some song along the lines of "[FRIEND'SNAME] is a stupid whore". I got so fucking saddened i could almost cry at her side; it really doesn't seem like that much of a big deal right now, but believe me, this girl has lots of issues and this was the last thing she needed right now.
No one else in the bus, including our friends, gave a shit once again. They just stood in their own goddamn world. And all I could think of was of going back there and just getting into a big fucking argument with them (which I didn't do).

How many to how many? And you're better off ignoring them; if they are honking horns and shit, odds are they just want the attention.

Well the thing about this thread is to talk about two things that always irked me: what the fuck is wrong with the world, and would I have defended my friend if I had heard the jest (and the consequences of defending her).

1) many
2) depends

Basically the whole point of this story is that I'm a huge pussy. I probably would have said something along the lines of "what are you doing, what did she do to you to deserve this fucking shit?" and would not go anywhere from there (they would talk back and I would probably be mocked the whole rest of my high school year). Just by not being there to defend her makes me feel bad enough. But what really makes me feel awful, is that I was scared. I was scared of going back and hitting them.

It's normal to feel physically intimidated. What you did was the safe thing to do; you are compassionate but you're also wise enough to know you can't take a group of retards on physically.

Why am I making a big deal out of me being a coward? Well, first of all, this ain't the first time this has happened - once some little fuck was pushing my cousin and all I could do was watch. Second - well, honestly, the pain and regret after I realize that I just didn't move a finger to help a loved one is enormous. And third of all, if I keep this coward bullshit going I will never ever be taken seriously.

If I had a choice between being a coward and being physically assaulted, I know which I'd take. There are several cases of people being brave and getting assaulted. You could have been AN HERO; you also have to think what they would have done to you. And it's much braver to defeat them without using violence.

The worst thing is that my fear of fighting is completely fucking irrational. I mean, the offenders were from like 10th grade. I go to the gym, so it's not that I'm super strong but I have well-defined muscles (which is much more than most of them do have). If they ganged up on me, I'm sure my two best friends (who are stronger than me) would jump in to help me. So what the fuck am I afraid of? Sometimes I imagine that after beating some guy up he won't stay content and tell on me to a few larger friends to beat me up and that scares. But it's like, 'cmon are you fucking serious'. this is a small town that would never happen here.

Because you're noble, I guess. You've shown mercy. Mercy is an important quality.

So, how do i get over this shit? The simplest solution I thought is... well, to fucking have a real brawl for once and 'survive'. But I'm willing to accept more suggestions.

if it happens more often, report abuse to authorities. They are qualified to deal with this shit.

 

[Doomsday]

Well, I'm going to have to agree with you. I think the real question here is how /she/ will get over it. You're a little self-centered here, (or at least thats what the post makes me believe). You're cryin' about how you didn't do shit - imagine how she feels knowing that you did nothing at all. The latter would be worse, IMO. First step is saying sorry to your friend for not standing up for her.

Seriously dude, you have no idea. :[ I've mentioned she had lots of issues, but I was vague. Basically, she has trouble into trusting people - and not seeing one single friend standing up for her in this situation pretty much made it so worse. Right now she feels utterly disappointed in all of her friends (more in me than anyone else, we're really close) and she feels like she can't trust no one. I'm apologizing as I can, and I promised myself and her to go find these guys and at least try to talk with them.

I agree with the self-centered part, but I am asking smogon for help in this particular issue of mine and not on the bigger picture, but thanks for all your advice anyway.

Now, onto the method of handling those cockmunches.

If you want to take the verbal approach, I recommend telling them to "crawl back in to their mothers cunt's" and that "it's the only place shit heads like you will be accepted". However, I find this method less effective than the next. If you are at least their size - (if they are considerably bigger then forget it) hit hard, hit first, and hit fast. Hitting someone in the solar plexus ends it pretty quickly. Then again, this method has many negative ramifications, so I don't really recommend it unless you are outside of school. (Bus does NOT count) Btw, you're talking about the high school bus right?

What I offer to you is opting to take a different bus. Or at least a different route. Maybe try to get her a carpool or some shit. Just avoid them.

It was the school bus, but we were in a school trip. I really don't see much of those guys in school.
See, this is my fucking problem. Right now you're talking about punching some guy, and I am cringing. I cannot imagine fighting a guy in my school without any sort of awful consequence inflicted upon me. IE: they get a bigger group, go after me. They go after my sister, who also goes to this school. They simply torment me day after day. I don't know, there are so many possibilities. But i DO realize i am overblowing shit here, i mean, they ain't the fucking mafia. It's just that I have a hard time telling myself to cool down.

Don't say the fucking world has a problem. That pisses me off. You don't know the fucking world, you know these bus (BAN ME PLEASE) and the "little fuck" that teased your cousin. There are good people, and to be honest, those people that "honked" aren't necessarily bad people. My guess is that they were bored. Tell them to fuck off in a setting outside of the bus, and where you friend is not present. Telling them to stop then has a different mental ramification than it would in the same environment as the initial conflict (i.e. the bus) Do not appear mad. This will only provoke them into doing it more. After all, 90% of teasing arises from the reaction of the teased individual or one of their friends. Do it calmly, yet sternly. Don't look like pussy shit when talking to them, but don't look like you're about to go postal either.

Might have come off as stupid, that world hating part. Well the thing is that I'm growing older, yet I look back at 90% of all the people at my school and I see them as dumb, pompous and really self-centered. I am not exaggerating here; I sometimes compare, for example, the current 10th grade to MY 10th grade experience and lots of shit doesn't add up. We used to respect older people back then; they just don't. I really can't explain this here, but point: I am unsatisfied with my whole school at this moment.

I mean these little fucks called her a fucking whore for like 10 minutes because she told them to stop harassing our ears? come on!

 

[Caelum]

So today at the bus, there some retards going around honking this huge ass horn and a big friend of mine had an headache. After like 5 minutes of successive honking and no one giving a shit, she stood up and told them to fuck off. At this point they make some fun of her, but then stopped and I put on my headphones. After like 15 minutes i look to the side and she's crying on her seat - apparently those motherfucking mongoloids started singing some song along the lines of "[FRIEND'SNAME] is a stupid whore". I got so fucking saddened i could almost cry at her side; it really doesn't seem like that much of a big deal right now, but believe me, this girl has lots of issues and this was the last thing she needed right now.
No one else in the bus, including our friends, gave a shit once again. They just stood in their own goddamn world. And all I could think of was of going back there and just getting into a big fucking argument with them (which I didn't do).

After you realized what happened did you support her? Those guys are obviously just fucking retards who aren't worth either of yours time. In a situation like that, confronting them isn't what is important. They are stupid fucks who aren't going to give a shit if you confront them or not. It's more important to support your friend then "defend her", they already know they are assholes you walking to the back of the bus to tell them that won't really accomplish anything. I know this wasn't the point of your post, but I just thought I'd point out the confronting them isn't what was important in this situation. If they made a girl cry, they already know they are assholes.

However, if you had witnessed it as it was occurring, then yes you should defend her. The point would be to make them stop, saving your friend from having to deal with that. After the fact, confrontation with them is pointless. The confrontation should stem from protecting your friend, not defending her after the fact. It's more worthwhile for you to be there for her then to go and deal with a bunch of assholes.

I know you probably feel like shit for not doing anything, but really you didn't realize till after it occurred. You can't blame yourself for that. If you were paying attention the whole time we'd be talking about something different here.

Well the thing about this thread is to talk about two things that always irked me: what the fuck is wrong with the world, and would I have defended my friend if I had heard the jest (and the consequences of defending her).

I don't think anyone has an answer for the former of your two questions, and I think only you know the answer to the latter.

Basically the whole point of this story is that I'm a huge pussy. I probably would have said something along the lines of "what are you doing, what did she do to you to deserve this fucking shit?" and would not go anywhere from there (they would talk back and I would probably be mocked the whole rest of my high school year). Just by not being there to defend her makes me feel bad enough. But what really makes me feel awful, is that I was scared. I was scared of going back and hitting them.

The intent when confronting someone shouldn't be to "go back and hit them", but you have to realize that is a situation you have to be prepared for. You just shouldn't be the one to start it. I've been in a few fights in high school (like 3, 2 of which where with the same asshole). Everyone is scared to get in a fight. Anyone who says otherwise is either fighting someone significantly weaker then they are or is lying.

Why am I making a big deal out of me being a coward? Well, first of all, this ain't the first time this has happened - once some little fuck was pushing my cousin and all I could do was watch. Second - well, honestly, the pain and regret after I realize that I just didn't move a finger to help a loved one is enormous. And third of all, if I keep this coward bullshit going I will never ever be taken seriously.

You realizing that is probably going to make you change naturally. I haven't always stood up for everyone I've loved myself (I don't think anyone has), but you realizing what a mistake it was is half the way to resolving it. No one is going to help you get over it but yourself (and I think you fully understand that just based on this thread)

The worst thing is that my fear of fighting is completely fucking irrational. I mean, the offenders were from like 10th grade. I go to the gym, so it's not that I'm super strong but I have well-defined muscles (which is much more than most of them do have). If they ganged up on me, I'm sure my two best friends (who are stronger than me) would jump in to help me. So what the fuck am I afraid of? Sometimes I imagine that after beating some guy up he won't stay content and tell on me to a few larger friends to beat me up and that scares. But it's like, 'cmon are you fucking serious'. this is a small town that would never happen here.

It's not irrational to fear fighting. We sound similar in terms of physical shape (well defined but not super-strong) and could probably hold our own. That doesn't mean I wasn't scared when I got into a fight ever, shit happens. A fight is not about pure physical strength. If you are going to go fight assholes like these guys, you can't expect them to play "fair".

So, how do i get over this shit? The simplest solution I thought is... well, to fucking have a real brawl for once and 'survive'. But I'm willing to accept more suggestions

I'm not going to endorse you looking for a fight or anything but it's natural you'll be less afraid of fighting if you get into one. I don't have a very good solution for it to be honest.

Just want to point out again
-Defend her as it happens, but be prepared for the consequences.
-Support her after it happens

good luck.

 

[cloud]

not really your fault. people are fucked up; everyone has to deal with it. i'll edit this post later i'm kinda busy right now and i shouldn't have been reading in the first place :(

 

[az]

MummyFish if anything your posts just goes to show what is wrong with the world. These "bus (BAN ME PLEASE)" are part of the world, and they definitely have a problem.

There's apathy, and then there's genuine insight. A reason for acting like a little shit does not give the subject rights to shed culpability.

Doomsday:

You are a cool guy, so please do not take offense (or actually maybe do, but i'll get to that) with me agreeing with you. As of that moment, you were a pussy. Now posting on an internet forum is not standing up to people, but it is a step forward; the old cliché of accepting a problem exists being the first step in the right direction is a good one.

There's another side to this though: the worst thing you could do now is let this lie. You're no longer ignorant to the issue, so you can't pretend it's not there, and from what i can tell from your op you are not the kind of guy who would be cool with themself doing that.

The point, though, is that whilst we are not all perfect people, the bane of our race is people excusing themselves for that. If someone was the most cowardly person in the world I would not care so long as they devoted everything in them to not be; trying is everything.

I can definitely empathise with your feeling of getting a huge brawl and taking something away from that helping with the issue. To be honest, I actually think it would. But I think you know that going out and starting a fight or looking for one for the sake of self-improvement is pretty self-defeating, so I wouldn't advise that.

I haven't experienced this exactly (well who has, apart from you?) but i do know the feeling you are talking about. i was always worried that i would slip into the crowd of people who just "wouldn't help". whilst wasting my first year of sixth form here with psychology i came across a really interesting (but terrifying) case study of a cul de sac of apartments where a woman was attacked. after calling for help she caused the attacker to flee in fear of being caught. she lay there for something like ten, fifteen minutes and no help came. the bastard must have been watching all along because he came back realising no-one was coming to help and finished her off.

the really fucked up part about this case (and why it's relevant) is that when police came to question people in the buildings, tons of them had said they had heard the screams. even seen the attack. their genuine thought was that "it's okay, someone else will help her". every single one of them. so no-one did.

my point is this "putting the headphones in", "avoiding eye-contact", "not me" frame of mind is something completely everyday that a huge proportion of the population experience (just spend a day on the underground in london, count how many people make eye contact with you sitting opposite, let alone smile) and whilst it seems a really subtle thing, it is actually really fucking dangerous. my amateur analysis would be that its something to do leaders being a miniscule minority in comparison to those lead in history, and so it's not really something that the capacity for is passed on widespread genetically. this means being a "leader" is a really unnatural role for us as a race - taking on the mantle of responsibility is not something in the genetic make-up of everyday people.

i guess the only useful advice i can give you is pretty vague and ephemeral, but if you keep it in mind it just might get used someday: make that the last thing you want to be. the world needs sheep; there's no point in having a leader if there is no-one to lead. but right now there will always be hundreds of people waiting for someone to stand up and use their initiative, you can count on that, so be that go-getter. next time a conflict situation comes up, tell yourself that it is you that has to deal with it. you don't need to start a fight - though you shouldn't be worried about fighting school kids; "bashing a few skulls" will do that sort of kid some good imo - you just need to put these people and others like them in their place.

for god's sake don't let down those you care about man.


edit: ps you are not a spineless little shit

 

[Doomsday]

Thanks for all the comments so far.

I've talked to this girl a bit right now, and well, she said that if I go after them NOW it really won't matter anymore because I wasn't there for her when it did happen, and that's what mattered (I talked to her a lot and cheered her up a bit after I noticed she was crying). I've also talked to one of my friends, and he says he doubts I will even get anyone to go after. So much for that idea. Still, I've promised her I'd be there for her the next time something like this happened (she didn't believe it; trust issues etc.).

 

[az]

this sounds positive, good job man

i want to say something like "i hope your friend is alright", but it looks trite no matter which way i put it

i guess i will leave it like that

 

[Deschain]

well one thing you could do that doesn't involve an actual fight is mentally preparing yourself for an eventual confrontation. try to figure out where the sticking point is, and work on that. if you're constantly "psyching yourself up", when it happens, you'll have already accepted it on some level.

i have a story about "fear of fighting" too that i'll share, as it might help you see what i mean. i'll try to give the condensed version, because the full story would take pages to tell.

when i was 17 i was in a serious car crash, head on collision with both cars going 55-60 mph. among other things, i suffered permanent brain damage from this. it fucked up a lot of things, but the most important for this story is that if i ever suffer another serious blow to the head, my brain won't recover from it and i'll essential be a vegetable.

so for for several years after tha, i was scared to do anything that might cause this. contact sports obviously, but i was also scared of playing basketball (flying elbows), volleyball (head spike, diving for the ball and hitting my head), and really anything at all.

now, i was also in a relationship at the time, 2 years in to an eventual 4 years. to be brief, i'll just let you know that i should have gotten out of that thing long before i did, but that's niether here nor there.

after she broke things off with me (for the second time, mind you), and i made it very clear to her that we were over, and would never be together again (she was very unstable, a codependant and emotionally manipulative), she went a little crazier than she already was. she started dating this complete asshole, who was sort of my "rival" or "nemesis" at this "church" we were attending at the time (i won't go into details, it was a fucking mess). one of the big pushes there was small groups and "community", which is great if it's done right. what we had there was sort of like an incestuous enmeshment, with everyone up in everyone elses lives all the time, and anyone who disagreed was kicked out and their shit smeared on the wall for everyone to see.

this shithead was sort of the "boy wonder", in that everyone looked up to him for having "been through so much" and "being so strong". however, i was never a fan of him or his ways of talking to people or the advice he would give. i was very open about this, and it was no secret that we had no desire to be friends with each other. i would talk with my then-girlfriend about this on a regular basis, and she would agree with me almost all the time.

so for her to start dating him after we broke up? that's an obvious jab at me (especially since he's fucking busted, i mean, completely unattractive). but i digress.

fast-forward a few months. i've left the "group", and surely my shit was smeared, even though i thought it was an amiable departure.

i'm at work, minding my own business, when the receptionist says there's someone here asking for me. i walk out and what do you know, it's the shitdick. all meek as milk, he asks me in his ridiculous southern drawl "Josh, can i speak to you outside for a minute?". i'm wary, but i figure i'm at work, and what is the worst he can do? so i tell him i can speak "for a minute", and we go outside and stand in front of the building.

as soon as the door closes, he starts verbally lashing me, i mean every word you can imagine. i'm just sort of standing there, a bit stunned and a lot amazed. he was insulting me, my friends, and smearing my shit in my face, you know, all those dark secrects and horrible things i'd done in my past (that everyone has/has done at some point or another), things that i'd already dealt with and reconciled and that didn't even concern him at all. that's what got me the most, this wasn't even about my ex/his currant. then he started calling me a coward because i wouldn't be a man and "raise my fists" because i got into a "little car accident" (click here to see my car), which was just such a ridiculous thing to say for multiple reasons. so i interrupted him and said "what are you going to do? are you going to hit me? are you going to punch me? because i'm not going to fight back." to which he replied "well maybe i just will". after a few more minutes of puffing out his chest and breathing his noxious breath into my face, he left.

i walked back inside and told the receptionist to call the police and get all the guys from back in production if that guy ever came in looking for me again.

but later, as i was thinking about it, my passifistic and non-confrontational approach was quite stupid, and rather reckless on my part. not only would a serious beating have permenant consequences for me, but for my family, and my future family (i was dating the amazing girl i eventually married), and that it was completely irrational for me to not defend myself.

that very day i sought out my uncle/best friend who'd had some muay thai training and had him show me a few basics to use if i ever needed them. that week we both started going to the gym twice a week, and in the course of four months i put on 50lbs of muscle. i went from being a scrawny 130 (which i'd been for almost my entire life) to a very muscular 180.

in addition to this, i did the mental prep i was describing at first. i would constantly play scenes in my head of different situations that might possibly arise, both with this fuckwit and with anyone else looking to start something. i practiced the motions, stance and attitude i would want to exude.

it's been more than a year since that incident, so i find it highly unlikely he'll randomly show up at work one day, but because of that i've had a completely different view of my condition, and a different attitude about defending myself and my loved ones. i'm in better shape to back up my words if need be, and i've reconciled how irresponsible (and also impractical) it is to just try and avoid any situation where i might get turned into a cabbage.

hope you can take something away from this that will help you in your situation.

EDIT: also, i started this post when there were no replies. =P

 

[gorgie]

what i dont get is how you just allowed those little fucks to verbally abuse your friend like that and felt ok within yourself to just put the headphones on right after the incident like nothing never really happened. No matter how pussy or coward you think you are man that's your friend, and a friend in need is a friend indeed no matter what the situation is, but you failed to prove that concept and left your "big friend" stranded to the dogs to have their own way with her. on top of that im assuming you put your headphones on in hopes of drowning out the "fuck she needed me but i didnt provide god what the fuck is wrong with me" after thoughts that were running through your head correct? A move that was fueled by pure guilt, shame and regret. A move that's gonna keep on fucking you over in you dont actually man up and quit acting on your "fear of the outcome of the situation" and start pondering about what or who really matters in that situation and how YOU can make an impact on the outcome.

also dude dont take this in a harsh way im just trying to get you to see how disappointed your friend must be feeling now at the fact that you didnt even try to at least say something in her defense. i understand you're scared and all man but then again you have to think about her expectations from you being such a close friend. no amount of fear should overcome the deep concern you have for someone and their well-being to the point where you didnt at least budge to do anything :(

 

[EeveeTrainer]

Because sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you. Talking back would have picked a fight. You only needed to defend her if they started getting physical.

 

[Doomsday]

As a wise man once said, 'Mongoloid Trolls deserve to be countered with racist insults.'

If after a bit of banter they don't quit, kick their fucking chinky heads in with a few of your pals, and you'll find they fuck off.

If that fails, or YUMAN RITES counters back, then simply fire off your own leaf from YUMAN RITES arguing that your pal had YUMAN RITES to not get insulted by a bunch of yellow bastards who shoud have stayed on their side of the Great Wall.

And of course, if all else fails after that, dial any random 0800 number: You're bound to get an Injury Claims lawyer who is bound to get you a few K in compensation for 'Grievous Mental Assault'.

come on this is a serious thread.

--

I feel the need to clarify: I put my headphones after she lashed out at them. I honestly wasn't expecting them to retaliate with insults.

Even though I should have.

 

[ViVi]

In regards to your friend having issue with trusting people and/or people being shitty to her, I would suggest that being consoling and putting an arm around her would be far more beneficial then going and throwing down. The whole 'knight in shining armor' wouldnt have been benificial in this case, and if you got your ass kicked it would have made her feel worse...

 

[Altmer]

doomsday would make an excellent knight in shining armour

 

[Raverist]

That he would, Altmer, that he would.

He doesn't even need a helmet, anyone would run in fear from that haircut.

On a more serious note, I know what being bullied is like. Why do you think I spent the last years of school holed up on the computers at break and dinner times?

Having spectacles and being a little weedy isn't healthy for the mind or body...and so one sympathises with ye doomsday. A good friend will stick by another in times of distress. A true friend will take a bullet for another.

 

[Lee]

I can relate to this thread (but not to the title obviously).

I know this may be hard to believe, what with me being such an icon of masculinity, but I used to suffer from that same mental impediment that you're describing. I boxed for three years and I'm more muscular than the average person so I had no reason to be 'scared', but I was never comfortable with the idea of initiating a violent confrontation. Like you said, it can come back to bite you in the arse in so many different ways. One thing you never mentioned is the very real possibility of police involvement and you getting charged with assault.

I'll share with you now how I got over it, and if you take one thing from my post here, let it be this. Next time they're making your friend cry, look at it this way; if you sit there and do nothing again, you'll need to live with this horrible sense of guilt, self-loathing and regret that was no doubt tearing you apart when you wrote this thread. Everytime you look in the mirror you'll be disgusted by the coward staring back at you. It's a horrible way to live and it doesn't go away quickly, I promise you that. On the other hand, you could start a fight to defend her and live with the results of that...physical pain, mockery etc. It should be an easy choice.

 

[Deschain]

i think one thing that's been unsaid so far, is that if it comes to blows, it's MUCH better if the other party throws the first punch. just be ready for it. then your retaliation has much less chance to come back and haunt you if the cops show up or something. also make sure there's witnesses.

don't start anything physically, and try to be at least deniably obtuse in your verbal attacks so witnesses don't see you as instigating anything, just defending a friend.

it's always best to think these things through ahead of time, so you don't get too caught up in the moment and do something stupid.

 

[Kid Icarus]

Too bad it's not how it is in the movies, where you can simply use your spidey-senses to give the jerks what's coming to them.

It sometimes puzzles me about what I would do in a scenario of that nature. In a realistic answer, I'd just make a comment about them being jerks to my friend and just ignore them and walk away, but sometimes I wonder if that's really the best way to deal with it. It just feels immasculating for yourself if you don't do anything major about it.

I think that when it boils down to the bottom, friends are friends, and if it gets into physical involvement, you just have to. Even if you make a complete ass of yourself and get completely crushed, your friend will at least be grateful that you stood up for them, since it's much easier to just take a neutral stance, or worse, run away.

It is definately scary when a you're faced with a physically stronger person/group. You shouldn't feel bad that you were scared. Doing something however at a time like that is best, as you'll end up with guilt if you don't, and possibly a relationship that's been shaken.

Learn from this experience I guess. Everyone is giving good advice. Also it is a good idea to think about this stuff ahead of time. A go-to reaction or insult or something. Keep it realistic though, things are really easy in the mind than in real life.

 

[Ph3artehPh1r3]

So today at the bus, there some retards going around honking this huge ass horn and a big friend of mine had an headache. After like 5 minutes of successive honking and no one giving a shit, she stood up and told them to fuck off. At this point they make some fun of her, but then stopped and I put on my headphones. After like 15 minutes i look to the side and she's crying on her seat - apparently those motherfucking mongoloids started singing some song along the lines of "[FRIEND'SNAME] is a stupid whore". I got so fucking saddened i could almost cry at her side; it really doesn't seem like that much of a big deal right now, but believe me, this girl has lots of issues and this was the last thing she needed right now.
No one else in the bus, including our friends, gave a shit once again. They just stood in their own goddamn world. And all I could think of was of going back there and just getting into a big fucking argument with them (which I didn't do).

Well the thing about this thread is to talk about two things that always irked me: what the fuck is wrong with the world, and would I have defended my friend if I had heard the jest (and the consequences of defending her).

Basically the whole point of this story is that I'm a huge pussy. I probably would have said something along the lines of "what are you doing, what did she do to you to deserve this fucking shit?" and would not go anywhere from there (they would talk back and I would probably be mocked the whole rest of my high school year). Just by not being there to defend her makes me feel bad enough. But what really makes me feel awful, is that I was scared. I was scared of going back and hitting them.

Why am I making a big deal out of me being a coward? Well, first of all, this ain't the first time this has happened - once some little fuck was pushing my cousin and all I could do was watch. Second - well, honestly, the pain and regret after I realize that I just didn't move a finger to help a loved one is enormous. And third of all, if I keep this coward bullshit going I will never ever be taken seriously.

The worst thing is that my fear of fighting is completely fucking irrational. I mean, the offenders were from like 10th grade. I go to the gym, so it's not that I'm super strong but I have well-defined muscles (which is much more than most of them do have). If they ganged up on me, I'm sure my two best friends (who are stronger than me) would jump in to help me. So what the fuck am I afraid of? Sometimes I imagine that after beating some guy up he won't stay content and tell on me to a few larger friends to beat me up and that scares. But it's like, 'cmon are you fucking serious'. this is a small town that would never happen here.

So, how do i get over this shit? The simplest solution I thought is... well, to fucking have a real brawl for once and 'survive'. But I'm willing to accept more suggestions.

You should have told them to shut the fucking hell up. They most likely would not do anything physical to you because most assholes like that are really just cowards that are just full of shit and only pick fights that they can win, and won't get in trouble afterwords. Seriously, don't be too tough on yourself, most people won't stand up to the assholes that are doing mean shit to other people, that is what is wrong with most of the world. God that gets me so fucking pissed.

 

[mf]

kids make fun of kids, it's just life. hopefully your friend wasn't too badly affected, the kids eventually get a sense of empathy or find out for themselves that it's not that fun, and you learn from this experience and find the courage to stand up for your friends next time. it's all part of growing up.

 

[CaptKirby]

'Cowardice' is in your best self-interest. Damage to yourself because a friend is too emotionally weak to handle herself is not sensible. If you truly want to be not 'spineless', then you basically have to ignore reason, and the easiest way to do that is just to react without thinking at all, if you can do so.

 

[Legacy Raider]

You did the right thing. It's better to not go looking for fights, and instead just comfort your friend. So what if those guys are being assholes? You're not going to stop them from being assholes if you shout at them, you're not gonna stop them even if you beat the crap out of them. Let them be dicks, and just support your friend. People like that won't change when they're told, so don't waste you breath on them.

Just one thing - maybe, after they had been making fun of her for the first time, you shouldn't have put your headphones on. Or put them on, but at least be attentive and aware of your surroundings enough to realise your friend's discomfort. I honestly think she must have felt terrible when she was getting taunted and her friend was sitting right next to her, completely indifferent to all this. If I were you, the very first thing I would do would be to talk to her about it. Explain how you had absolutely no idea what was going on, and that you only realised something was wrong when you glanced over and saw her crying.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

LR.

 

[Ph3artehPh1r3]

You did the right thing. It's better to not go looking for fights, and instead just comfort your friend. So what if those guys are being assholes? You're not going to stop them from being assholes if you shout at them, you're not gonna stop them even if you beat the crap out of them. Let them be dicks, and just support your friend. People like that won't change when they're told, so don't waste you breath on them.

So your saying that friends only stay with each other when things are easy, but when hard, good luck? sounds pretty gay to me but...

You're not going to stop them from being assholes if you shout at them, you're not gonna stop them even if you beat the crap out of them. Let them be dicks, and just support your friend. People like that won't change when they're told, so don't waste you breath on them.
Just one thing - maybe, after they had been making fun of her for the first time, you shouldn't have put your headphones on. Or put them on, but at least be attentive and aware of your surroundings enough to realise your friend's discomfort. I honestly think she must have felt terrible when she was getting taunted and her friend was sitting right next to her, completely indifferent to all this. If I were you, the very first thing I would do would be to talk to her about it. Explain how you had absolutely no idea what was going on, and that you only realised something was wrong when you glanced over and saw her crying.

I agree completely with the rest of the things you said. But @ Doomsday, you really should not have put on those earphones; she thinks that you knew what was going on and just decided to ignore it (you prob already knew that tho). This is gonna be tough for you to regain her trust. Good luck and i hope that your friend comes through :(