I've wanted to do a run down of all best picture winners for a while and since the 2019 Oscars will be held right after my vacation and bump the number up from a clean 90, I had better do it now.
Since I'm comparing all of "the best movies ever" with each other you shouldn't get butthurt if your favorite is lower on the list, although that's just me being disingenuous as the actual value of these movies ranges all over the place and a lot of them just suck complete ass.
90. Gone with the Wind (1939)
Gone with the Wind is the worst best picture winner and also the worst movie I have ever seen. I've seen a lot of bad movies and I'll see more bad movies, but as even the IMDB Bottom 100 doesn't have any films close to the four agonizing hours I had to watch this one, Gone with the Wind might just go uncontested forever.
89. Crash (2004)
A best picture winner so universally hated that even the director was mad when it won.
88. Cavalcade (1933)
I don't remotely know how to explain what a mess Cavalcade is. It is as boring as it is confusing, and it has both of those qualities in spades. The most memorable scene involves a young couple standing on the side of a boat talking about how everything is great and will continue to be good, then the camera pans down and onto the words "RMS Titanic" I shit you not.
87. Shakespeare in Love (1998)
The most obnoxiously Weinstein movie to ever win best picture, and god knows too many did, but this the absolute bottom of the barrel. The unconvincing love affair, the awful revisionist history, what good things can even be said of this film?
86. American Beauty (1999)
This is where I'm going to lose a lot of people but if somehow this film ever appealed to you, it's 2019, take your head out of your ass. It's a discount Fight Club where Kevin Spacey tries to fuck a child and fakes a rape accusation. Left or right absolutely no one should be happy with this film anymore.
85. The Great Zigfield (1936)
Spectacle film. Do you, millennial, want to see a revue? If for some reason you do, go do so, don't waste your time watching recreations of them in a film.
84. The Broadway Melody (1929)
I think it's a spectacle film, but I had to read the wiki plot summary just to remember this one at all, and that barely helped. It only edges out Great Zigfield because while I remember that film more, what I remember is that nothing at all happened in that one. This one has a more complicated plot, but it still sucks.
83. The Hurt Locker (2008)
Boring war movie that only won because voters wanted to meme on James Cameron by giving the victory to his ex-wife in the same year that he made Avatar. Avatar didn't deserve best picture, but this movie just blows.
82. The Lost Weekend (1945)
A lost 105 minutes. Accurately depicts what it's like to be a drunken loser, but so what? Billy Wilder at his near worst.
81. Spotlight (2015)
You can tell this was made by the actor who played the worst character on the worst season of The Wire, because it tries to do the same thing, but in a movie instead of a tv show, and because it looks like a tv show. Good actors don't save this film, but gosh, everybody hates pedos, guess we better give this snoozer best picture.
80. The Greatest Show on Earth (1955)
Spectacle film about circuses. Has a bit of a better plot and characters going for it at least.
79. Grand Hotel (1932)
Far too many plots, far too few interesting plots.
78. Gigi (1958)
Third movie on this list so far about fucking kids.
77. The Artist (2011)
"Gosh but aren't we great" Oscar voters said as they stroked each other off. A send-up to silent films that doesn't seem to understand silent films at all.
76. An American in Paris (1951)
Kind of a light whimsical movie that wouldn't get much Oscar traction these days, but not one I cared for.
75. How Green Was My Valley (1941)
Kind of lousy book adaptation.
74. Mrs. Miniver (1942)
War propaganda that is almost worth watching just for how bizarre it is.
73. Titanic (1997)
Possibly unfair placement based solely on the fact that when I saw it as a young child, I thought it was super gay. I meant to rewatch it, but I really doubt an overhyped three hour affair film is going to blow me away.
72. Chariots of Fire (1981)
Memorable for its theme song and nothing else.
71. The Apartment (1960)
Kind of okay Billy Wilder movie, but one that really drags out.
70. Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
Really infamous for beating out like, I dunno, Dead Poets Society. You could do worse than a movie starring Morgan Freeman though.
69. Amadeus (1984)
Assumes that you worship the ground beneath Mozart's feet instead of actually convincing you that you should.
68. The King's Speech (2010)
Much more mediocre Weinstein affair. Somewhat responsible for the current bleh state of Oscar nominees being tripe no one ever watched or cared about.
67. The French Connection (1971)
Everyone loses their nuts over how real a car chase scene is because the director actually broke laws and endangered lives. Ok. But the rest of the movie isn't noteworthy at all.
66. Around the World in 80 Days (1956)
A confusing win by most accounts, especially when it was up against Giant, The King and I, and The Ten Commandments, but it's not a movie without any fun to be had.
65. Gladiator (2000)
Ridley Scott's Roman fanfiction where he combines every legend into one man. Well made because it's Ridley Scott, but really really stupid.
64. Casablanca (1942)
One of the more overrated movies of all time.
63. All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Bad adaptation of an amazing novel.
62. The Life of Emile Zola (1937)
Biopic about a person who in my worldview seems forgotten by history, as has this movie. As a learning experience, I thought it was somewhat interesting.
61. Rebecca (1940)
Based on a book that is a bad ripoff of Jane Eyre, but it's a Hitchcock film, so it's pretty watchable.
60. Oliver! (1968)
I like musicals. This isn't a particularly good one, but it is what it is.
59. Going My Way (1944)
Similar to An American in Paris, but much more genuinely enjoyable.
58. From Here to Eternity (1953)
Maybe I'm just dumb for not figuring out that this movie took place in Pearl Harbor before the finale, but what a fucking ride the finale was.
57. It Happened One Night (1934)
Maybe one of Frank Capra's worst films and yet that still puts it above a third of the other winners.
56. Hamlet (1948)
A so-so rendition of Hamlet.
55. 12 Years a Slave (2013)
Pretty well made but I don't know what to feel about it. Slavery is bad, but slavery is worse if the man is legally supposed to be free? Some slave owners are not as bad as others?
54. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
A film that is fantastic when you cut the first hour entirely.
53. Terms of Endearment (1983)
Not a best picture winner firmly rooted in anyone's memory but kind of decent.
52. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Everything involving Harold Russell is 10/10 film material, but the rest sucks.
51. Cimarron (1931)
So surprisingly interesting I thought it might be a true story,
50. Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Clint Eastwood is a good and interesting director most of the time, but this was a bit too sad and slow to be worth rewatching.
49. Wings (1927)
The only silent film to win best picture, and for being the first best picture winner, it is astonishingly good. The air combat is pretty great to watch. I would absolutely recommend it to someone who doesn't understand the appeal of silent films.
48. Tom Jones (1963)
Another weird winner, but I thought this one was entertaining. I certainly liked it more than Barry Lyndon.
47. The Last Emperor (1987)
Really wildly different winner here. Definitely worth watching, even if it's about a huge douche.
46. Moonlight (2016)
Really niche premise for a movie and that made it very interesting to me. Also suck it, this was way better than La La Land.
45. Out of Africa (1985)
Must be where the Oscar's penchant for affair movies came from, because it's fairly good.
44. The English Patient (1996)
Being yet another affair movie from the late 90s cesspool and a wholesale fictionalization of a historical figure, you'd think I would hate this one too. But Ralph Fiennes really elevates it.
43. The Deer Hunter (1978)
Another long film with a lot of wasted time, but when it's on point in the later two thirds, it is really good.
42. Rain Man (1988)
Probably only as high as it is on the grounds that I just wished it was better. Very watchable with great actors, but also a very poor depiction of autism.
41. Annie Hall (1977)
I kind of just don't want to put this much higher than I did.
40. The Sound of Music (1965)
Pretty good musical, but not good enough to be as long as it is.
39. Midnight Cowboy (1969)
This film is just too agonizingly depressing for me.
38. The Godfather (1972)
37. The Godfather: Part II (1974)
I'm going to catch hell for this one, but I've already talked extensively about how bewildered I am at how merely good these movies are.
36. Ben-Hur (1959)
Much better than a three and a half hour movie should be, but still lacking in a few areas. I was gonna be snarky and say I wished they remade it better but oh well, but people would have misinterpreted that as the actual remake not counting, and the actual remake kicks fucking ass go watch it you fucking sheep (also this WAS a remake).
35. Mutiny on the Bounty
This was also a remake. Oh no, remakes!!! Pretty good.
34. Braveheart (1995)
This one is probably dumber than I give it credit for, but I dunno, I think it's pretty enjoyable.
33. All the King's Men (1949)
Go watch this movie and marvel over how nothing has changed in 70 years.
32. You Can't Take It With You (1938)
Middle of the road Frank Capra and it is still better than almost two-thirds of other winners.
31. No Country for Old Men (2007)
Stunning Coen brothers film. A little flawed, but very memorable.
30. Gandhi (1982)
One of the best biopics of all time, one of the best performances of all time.
29. Patton (1970)
What I just said, but somehow up the ante.
28. On the Waterfront (1954)
Really smart film about class struggle. Has one of the best priest characters you'll ever see. Great soundtrack.
27. Gentleman's Agreement (1947)
We don't honestly take antisemitism that seriously today, which makes this a really fascinating film to watch.
26. Argo (2012)
Just one of the more surprisingly fun movies they've somehow allowed to win best picture in recent years.
25. The Departed (2006)
Scorsese was overdue for a best picture win, and while no one would say this is what he should have won it for, eh, it's still really good. Much better than what it was remaking.
24. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)
To me, this isn't one of the power trilogies, but we're still talking about the best movie in the series, and that ranks fairly high among Oscar winners.
23. Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
Really respectable examination of divorce.
22. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
If you ever wondered why Alec Guinness mattered before Star Wars, watch this movie.
21. My Fair Lady (1964)
Another long musical, but this one is pretty delightful.
20. Marty (1955)
Go watch this 60 year old movie and stop being an incel you fucking loser.
19. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
This was built up in a lot of different ways before I saw it, and it took me a while to get around to it, but I'm happy to say that I liked it. Pretty smart movie.
18. Dances with Wolves (1990)
Infamous movie at this point for all the white savior films it spawned... but it's not a white savior film! He doesn't save anyone! It's just a pretty chill western. I liked it.
17. The Sting (1973)
Dope con artist movie.
16. Forrest Gump (1994)
Conservation revision of history? I dunno, oh well. It's really fun to watch.
15. Chicago (2002)
Damn fine musical. What took it so long to get a good screen adaptation? Love the songs in this.
14. Platoon (1986)
A unicorn of a film, the incredibly rare anti-war movie that is legitimately anti-war.
13. A Beautiful Mind (2001)
This might be my dumbest placement because I know the film is a lot of bullshit, but the twist really blew me away the first time I saw it.
12. Ordinary People (1980)
Just low-key fascinating character study here.
11. A Man for All Seasons (1966)
The most criminally overlooked Oscar winner. Superb material to draw from for this one, a main performance that is magnificent from an actor whose career never really took off, and a sublime court room scene.
10. Unforgiven (1992)
Clint Eastwood gives us a western so good that it should have ended the genre.
9. All About Eve (1950)
The one shining beacon from Hollywood's shitty censored era.
8. Rocky (1976)
It is inspiring that such an intelligent film was actually written by its ubiquitous action film star.
7. Schindler's List (1993)
I could say it's a little artistically pretentious at times, but that merely explains why such a fucking amazing film isn't even higher on this list.
6. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
Just crushes the shit out of anything that ever actually came out of Bollywood.
5. The Shape of Water (2017)
When your only complaint about a film is that it's not as good as Pan's Labyrinth, that film is doing pretty good.
4. In the Heat of the Night (1967)
"They call me Mr. Tibbs" absolutely badass film.
3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
The film that made everyone afraid of insane asylums, with one of the best villains in film history.
2. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Only at number two do we get to some of the best of the best movies ever, and that's exactly what this is. Everything about this crime drama is legendary at this point.
1. West Side Story (1961)
The best musical ever made. The best movie to ever win best picture. One of the best movies ever. I don't know if in 100 more years there will be a movie that wins best picture which is better. I don't think a movie was ever nominated for best picture that was better.