Serious LGBTQ+

Aurella

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Queer Lunar Ho-Oh, by LifeisDANK

What is this thread for?
This thread is somewhere for people to talk about anything LGBTQ+. This can be coming out, asking for advice, or talking about LGBTQ+ issues.

Note that this doesn't mean "no straight cis males/females allowed" but rather people should also be able to ask for advice regarding LGBTQ+ friends or otherwise participate in the discussion within the thread.

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All site-wide and Cong-specific rules apply, but violations of these two especially will not be tolerated here.
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  • No discrimination: Once again common sense, but people should be able to feel safe in this thread. Discussion about discrimination is fine, but if you start posting anything which actively discriminates against other users (targetted slurs etc.) you will be infracted for it.

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A great place to join if....

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I'm not gay personally, but my older nephew is (or atleast bisexual). He came out about 4 years ago and it was a shock to the whole family. It was strange because during his high school years he was always with the ladies and this one time he was making out with this girl on the living room couch lol. I don't ask him about his orientation because that's not a topic I'm comfortable talking about with him, but I support him and always will. He's a great guy and him being gay doesn't really change much. Though his persona kinda changed, but I don't think it's anything major.
 

allstarapology

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Yo. I'm having an LGBTQ+ issue and the OP said the thread was open to hearing about them, so here I am or w/e. I'm also bad with words and stuff, so forgive me if I say something that ends up coming across the wrong way.

About two years ago, I found out (still not sure if I like how this sounds, but I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, so idk.) I was trans, and for the following year, I was rather confident in how I felt. I didn't let anyone stop me from painting my nails, for instance, despite it being 'wrong' or 'unorthodox' or some garbage like that to the people around me in school and at home, and I even made it a point to have them painted for the last day of school. But this year, that same confidence I had throughout the previous school year just wasn't there anymore and I'm not exactly sure what happened, what to do to get it back, or what to do in general. Probably a stupid problem, but it's how unsure I've been in regard to who / what I am has been bothering me.
 

TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
I think grappling with gender in that way is super common for the most part for all trans people. It’s okay to doubt and take stock once in a while and it’s hard because there’s such a rigid expectation of what it means to be trans that it’ll feel like being anything less means you aren’t doing enough but just believe when I say you don’t have to live up to any ideal you just gotta be who you are and express yourself the way that feels right with you. Dress the way you want to dress paint your nails the way you like and that includes if you want to dress low key or even not paint your nails. Super mega hyper trans secret is, people aren’t gonna agree with us no matter what we do sometimes so if you’re ever feeling pressure to do too much or too little make sure to check in that you’re doing things the way you want to and not the way others do.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.s. if that wasn’t clear I’m coming out as a trans woman SUP.
 

Aurella

Autumn Priestess
is a Pre-Contributor
Yo. I'm having an LGBTQ+ issue and the OP said the thread was open to hearing about them, so here I am or w/e. I'm also bad with words and stuff, so forgive me if I say something that ends up coming across the wrong way.

About two years ago, I found out (still not sure if I like how this sounds, but I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, so idk.) I was trans, and for the following year, I was rather confident in how I felt. I didn't let anyone stop me from painting my nails, for instance, despite it being 'wrong' or 'unorthodox' or some garbage like that to the people around me in school and at home, and I even made it a point to have them painted for the last day of school. But this year, that same confidence I had throughout the previous school year just wasn't there anymore and I'm not exactly sure what happened, what to do to get it back, or what to do in general. Probably a stupid problem, but it's how unsure I've been in regard to who / what I am has been bothering me.

I'm about the hit the sack, so I'll edit this more tmr, but just to get some initial thoughts out of the way....

There are two theories I have on why you're not in that same groove from last year.

One is that when you're forced to make bold life decisions (even through small acts), there's a sort of rush from putting it all on-the-line, and facing that adversity head-on; that may have been a source of the "confidence" you were empowered by, but if things changed and ppl don't care as much, then that lack of adversity to your small acts of gender expression suddenly don't feel as confidence inspiring as it once had.

The other thing/theory is that when you're older, you're more "socially conscious"; running down the hall screaming seems hilarious one year, but in the next, you're held back wondering if others would think you're crazy. My advice would be to not worry about feeling like you have to self-justify that you are trans -- you are not any less trans on days that you paint your nails than on days that you do. But on that same note, you do not have to be transgender to paint your nails either (I hope this makes sense).

When you find your passion and your life purpose, a sense of confidence will resonate from within. You've discovered and learned about one part of yourself, continue to be brave enough to discover the rest.

If you hae an LGBT group at school, it might be worth hooking up with them and connecting to other Queer youth on stuff, or you can always bring up q's in my server that you're in :3

I'm not gay personally, but my older nephew is (or atleast bisexual). He came out about 4 years ago and it was a shock to the whole family. It was strange because during his high school years he was always with the ladies and this one time he was making out with this girl on the living room couch lol. I don't ask him about his orientation because that's not a topic I'm comfortable talking about with him, but I support him and always will. He's a great guy and him being gay doesn't really change much. Though his persona kinda changed, but I don't think it's anything major.
Part of me wondered if his persona change is truer to who he really is, now that he's no longer shackled to upkeeping a heterosexual illusion.
 
Yo. I'm having an LGBTQ+ issue and the OP said the thread was open to hearing about them, so here I am or w/e. I'm also bad with words and stuff, so forgive me if I say something that ends up coming across the wrong way.

About two years ago, I found out (still not sure if I like how this sounds, but I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, so idk.) I was trans, and for the following year, I was rather confident in how I felt. I didn't let anyone stop me from painting my nails, for instance, despite it being 'wrong' or 'unorthodox' or some garbage like that to the people around me in school and at home, and I even made it a point to have them painted for the last day of school. But this year, that same confidence I had throughout the previous school year just wasn't there anymore and I'm not exactly sure what happened, what to do to get it back, or what to do in general. Probably a stupid problem, but it's how unsure I've been in regard to who / what I am has been bothering me.
I have read in Psychology that people lose confidence if there is little people in agreeing in certain habits, they start to become to more uneasy about their choices. Its part of conformity. In other words, you are probably anxious over the fact that little to no people are in your situation. Just be yourself and remember there nothing wrong being trans, and you are not alone.
 
I really do not like the word queer as a blanket term. Not everyone is comfortable with that word, and in my opinion it's a slur. I think it's ok to call yourself queer if you want but I don't like forcing it on others. In my opinion queer is just as offensive as (BAN ME PLEASE) and I wouldnt call anyone queer unless you are sure they are okay with it.
 

TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
HailFall if the word makes you feel uncomfortable by all means make that clear to those around you but it’s important not to forgot that the better part of the past half century has been spent reclaiming, sanitizing, and normalizing it’s usage not as pejorative but as an entirely inclusive term for all people noncisgender nonheterosexual people. I think you’ll find the more people from this community you interact with the pejorative use is significantly less common than it’s very positive meaning nowadays.


Edit: interesting sidepoint though about inclusivity and the word queer. dice some queer heterosexuals have to come out too.
 
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fanyfan

i once put 42 mcdonalds chicken nuggets in my anus
So, my sister came out as genderfluid today. I’m just going to be referring to my sister as “She” and “My sister” in this post for simplicity. Of course I’ll call her whatever pronoun she wants irl.

Now, she came out as bisexual a year or two ago, and I always supported her there and I always will. In retrospect, it’s not that suprising. She makes an effort to keep her hair at a really neutral length and was taking a big intrest in the lgbtq+ community, but idk. It’s just kind of weird to me that someone who I’ve known as long as I can remember could just suddenly change like that. Also, the concept of just changing genders overnight is a bit foreign to me. I really hope I don’t come off as intolerant as I say that. I just never had that feeling, so idk I’m just having a little trouble wrapping my head around it.

Now that I’ve given this background, I have two questions for you folks.
1. My sister knows that I don’t really care what she identifies as and I will always support her. Is there anything in particular that I can do to better support her?

2. Can someone or multiple people tell me what it feels like to be genderfluid? I think it would really help me understand if multiple people explained their perspectives on this to me. My sister has already told me some stuff about it, but I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around it so any responses are appreciated.

Have a wonderful day
 
I'm not gender-fluid myself, so I can't speak to that experience specifically, but I can give some general insights as a non-binary (and generally just deep in the queer community) person.
So first of all, I dunno what pronouns this person specifically prefers (I know some gender-fluid people who use any at any time, prefer certain pronouns at certain times, use just they/them, use they/them + another set depending on how they feel atm, et cetera), but as a general rule, don't ever dismiss their identity out for the purpose of "simplicity." If you're not sure what pronoun they're using at any given time, ask, don't assume, and don't use gendered language that they're not okay with. I'm not saying you necessarily did anything wrong for using feminine language in that post (because I have no idea if your sibling is okay with it or not), but just keep that in mind. As far as referring to them when they're not present and you don't know what they'd prefer, just ask them how they'd prefer to be referred to in that case.

Second of all, making assumptions on someone's sexuality/gender based on superficial stuff like hair length is a really bad habit to get into and based largely off stereotypes. Just keep that in mind, too.

As far as specific ways to support them, a lot of that depends on them. Like for me personally, if someone misgenders me, I appreciate a friend standing up and correcting them (not so much an issue now that I'm less anxious about doing it myself, but was an enormous help in the past), and I do the same for my best friend (who's FtM). Some people would prefer you not, though, and especially if they don't use the same pronouns all of the time, correcting someone and getting it wrong would be awful. The big general rule is to educate yourself as much as you can about what they're going through, which you already seem to be doing, so good on you! Also, don't make assumptions, whether it's about what pronouns they're currently using/what gender they currently align with most; again, if you're not sure, ask. Just keep an open mind about stuff you don't understand, and most importantly, listen to what they themself have to say about it, because they know better than anyone how you can support them. It seems to me like you're on the right track, though.
 
I'm a lesbian. I go to some classes that are supposed to help me out with my grades. There's this girl: She's absolutely beautiful and she's really funny and we like the same things. Last time we saw each other, she told me that she liked gay ships and that she hated how the people in her school were really homophobic.

The classes end around June. So I have less than two months to not only come out, but to tell her that i'm in love with her.

Any advice?
 

Arcticblast

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I'm bi and, despite my openness online, not really out to anybody irl, but I'm sort of fine with that

last week(?) I was on the train to Pokemon league and I saw these two girls getting all cozy in front of me like I used to do in past relationships and it made the moderate amount of gay in me exceptionally happy

I don't have anything else important to add to this thread
 
This is kinda long and rambly and I apologize in advance, it's kinda hard to get my thoughts into words.

I've been struggling with my identity for a while now. Since 9th grade, I've been openly identifying as bi, but as the years went on, I've began to wonder if I may be a lesbian.

It's kinda worrying, not because I actually dislike the thought of being a lesbian, but rather, I've identified as bi for so long that calling myself a lesbian would mean coming to terms with a new identity. It would mean I was wrong about my previous one for several years, and it would mean having to come out to all my friends yet again, as well as getting used to being a part of a different community. On top of that, I feel like I don't have the right to call myself a lesbian. I've been in relationships with men before, had sex with men before. I can't help but feel like calling myself a lesbian would be wrong after that.

And yet...I often find myself wanting to be a lesbian. There are times where I wish I wasn't attracted to men. The thing is though, I haven't truly been attracted to a man in years. There are men I find physically attractive, sure. But I haven't been interested in dating a man since 2012. I haven't been in a relationship since then either. I initially believed that I wasn't interested in romantic relationships in general, but over the years, I sometimes found myself wishing I had a girlfriend, never a boyfriend. Whenever people ask me if I ever plan on dating guys in the future, I always say that I'm focusing on me right now, or school, or that I just haven't been interested in anyone in a while. In fact, for a while, I thought I was romance repulsed. But now I know that if someone asked about if I wanted to date women, the response would be different. I have similar ideas about marriage. I always thought I just disliked the idea of marriage, and that I would never want to get married. And yet, I'm a lot warmer to the thought of marrying a woman. Or even raising kids with a woman, things that I can't see myself doing with a man. I want to date women. I want to be intimate with them. I'm afraid of commitment when it comes to men but less so when it comes to women. I really couldn't care less for being in relationships with men anymore. I'm so uninterested in dating men that sometimes people will confuse me for being a lesbian, and I actually kinda enjoy this. Sometimes I don't correct them.

Unfortunately, I have been with men before, as I stated earlier. I've had three relationships in the past, all with men, though admittedly, the first two happened just because I could. I entered those relationships solely because it was just something I could do, and at the time, I wanted to see what a relationship felt like. They were both nice guys, and we're actually still on good terms to this day, but the relationships didn't really mean anything to me. My third and final relationship was nice, and the only one that I may have actually liked, but I sorta just...stopped liking him as the relationship went on and that's why it ended. At the time I had no explanation other than "I'm just not feeling it anymore."

I've had sexual encounters with men. I've had some recently. But honestly, I really only do it because it's easy. Because there aren't any women around to be intimate with. I can have sex with men, and I'm not really repulsed by it or even really dislike it or anything. Hell, I can even enjoy it, but I kinda do it solely out of convenience, or because I feel like I have to. But that's kinda one of the things holding me back here, because despite my reasons for doing it coming from a place of "I feel like I have no other choice", the point still stands that I can enjoy it.

I also feel drawn to lesbian terms and culture. Another thing I've been struggling with lately is my gender identity, and while I'm not gonna get too into it here, since this is long enough, my desire to be more gender nonconforming and explore that side of me kinda ties into my desire to be a butch lesbian sometimes. Specifically a butch lesbian, not a gnc bi woman. Though that could be because bi women don't really have any labels like butch/femme for themselves.

tdlr; I clearly like women more than men. I can't tell if I'm a lesbian struggling with comp het or if I'm a bi woman who just happens to like girls more, which is a possibility I haven't ruled out. It's just all very confusing and I thought I was past this point of questioning my identity but I guess not. It's frustrating because I could either be a lesbian, and that comes with having to break in a new identity, or I could be bi, and that means all this questioning amounted to nothing in the end.
 
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It's not necessarily either. Romantic orientation (who you're attracted to in a romantic sense) and sexual orientation (who you're attracted to in a sexual sense) are not always the same. Me personally I'm bisexual homoromantic (okay well it's more complicated than that but I won't go into that here). I'm sexually attracted to any combination of parts and presentation with a strong preference for femme people, but romantically I only date feminine and non-binary people (depending on how exactly they fall on the spectrum). My current sexual partner is masc-leaning non-binary, but there's nothing romantic between us.

It sounds to me like you're something along the lines of bisexual homoromantic; you can be sexually attracted to men but rarely if ever have romantic feelings for them. A lot of people think that because they have sexual attraction to a gender that that means they can also be romantically attracted to those people, but that's not necessarily true.

Also remember that these are all just labels: Use whatever language you feel represents you the best.
 
Not to cause discourse or anything but I'm gonna be 100% honest, I'm not really a fan of the -romantic/-sexual thing. I've done it in the past and found it really only hindered my ability to understand myself, and kept me from truly realizing my feelings towards women for a while. Then there's the question of whether or not I'm experiencing comp het, which is something I wanna resolve. Plus it's kind of a mouthful and can be confusing. Idk. That's just my preference. I'm also hesitant to call myself sexually attracted to men if I really only do it out of convenience and not an actual desire to have sex with them. I appreciate the help though, I do understand where you're coming from and why it would seem appealing to call myself that but I think it just wouldn't work out for me in the end.
 
Hey every1, I had a friend that told me that she is trans. She was being bullied because of it and I supported "him" everyway I could. "He" was a really kind person and cared for me and once told me "You are a great person, you know that aidan? Anyone would be nice to have you as a friend." She was being bullied for the longest time and I actually stood up for her in which, I got my ass beat by 4 guys (bcz i was jumped). She and I had a great time watching movies and just sitting a top a hill. Until, 2 months ago. I was walking to her house and pick her up to walk to school like I always do. I soon saw cop cars around the house. I walked up and talk to her mother, in which I knew really well. She told me that "She commited suicide because of bullying of her gender" This made me really sad and a few days later went to her funeral. End story, Dont bully people because of their gender or how they feel.
why put "him" in quotation marks?

---

i honestly can't remember my discord name, but i'm usagi-san/applebutter from the discord server. i'm not rly active but i try haha
local lesbian/demigirl here
 
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hello loves, gentle reminder that your most intimate and romantic relationships don't have to be sexual ones. especially in the queer communities, intimacy should be open to enact in a multitude of friendships. an act of queer resistance is treating your friends as if you would your lover: not deprioritizing them, being present in their lives.

touch your friends. talk about your loneliness, your angst, your feelings. find the breadth of worlds outside of the false dichotomy that we're presented with.

build the world you want to live in, and your relationships are one of the ways you can.
 
also, your most intimate relationships don't need to even br romantic either tbh. Mine sure as hell aren;t, and, being aromantic, i doubt they ever will be
 
in the previous lgbt thread i made a post coming out as a trans girl. since then, ive thought about it a lot and experimented a lot with my gender expression, and i've come to know myself a lot better. while the idea of being exclusively a man/masculine for my whole life was and still is horrifying to me, so too is the idea of forever being a girl. in that post a few months ago, i wrote:
Here's the thing: I don't really experience any strong sense of dysphoria. I don't feel uncomfortable in my body. I'd really like to be a girl, and if I could choose to be born a girl I'd do it, but I'm not really unhappy living and presenting as a man. The idea of transitioning is honestly really scary to me and I'm not sure if that's something that I want to do.
and i still feel this. what i've realised is that the feelings that ive been feeling are 'i don't want to always be a man', not 'i want to be a girl'. i don't want to give up masculinity entirely.

i've seen labels like 'bigender' and 'genderfluid' that could probably be reasonably applied to me, but i prefer not to identify with them for various reasons. i prefer to use the more general term 'non-binary' to describe myself, and i have no particular preference in terms of pronouns. he/she/they, i'm not really bothered too much about it. i'm still trying to learn about myself, but for now this is how i'm most comfortable identifying. rn i'm trying to build up the confidence to present a bit more feminine in public :0

thanks for supporting me yall, happy pride month!

ps: i still rly like the name phoebe
 

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