Social LGBTQIA+

[antemortem]

I also wanted to mention a third variable that I'm finding myself struggle with recently, that I'm sure exists for other people.
As of the past 10 days or so I've entered my first relationship with a cis woman who is primarily attracted to other women, and in addition to holding myself to the standard of beauty I see them in(not wanting to see myself as less attractive than them in a vacuum, feeling a stronger motivation for furthering how pretty I am because I'm in a relationship, etc) I also have a new, different desire/insecurity revolving around feeling extra pressure to be explicitly and obviously a girl, for them. My subconsciousness says something along the lines of "they're attracted to girls, if you don't look enough like a girl, regardless of how often they compliment you, they won't be attracted to you. It's like I'm suffering from 2 sources of gender dysphoria, my own, and the fictional expectations I'm projecting over her. In addition to complicating physical intimacy, some examples of how this is changing my behavior include
1: buying more clothes, as normally I'm mentally fine when I'm at home in very comfortable, but explicitly masculine clothes, but now I feel pressure to be fem any time I'm around them even when relaxing
2: shaving my face with obsessive frequency, I've been on hormones for a while and my facial hair growth has slowed quite a bit, and I'd gotten into a rhythm of shaving my face and arms whenever hair is VISIBLE to a passerby, not when it's THERE. But now I'm taking time for it as much as twice a day, just because the idea of them feeling friction on/near my face/lips is absolutely mortifying to me.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the her words/actions they're constantly supportive and accepting and reassuring but this is a completely involuntary thought process. For now, as I'm not burned out, I'm really enjoying having this person as a motivation to feel so much better about myself and be prettier and more well rested and healthy, but I'm also aware that I'm being obsessive and have zero control over my actions regarding this and that isn't healthy.
Apologies for the slight tangent but it's very related to the topic imo and if anybody has any thoughts/experience on this that you think would be helpful to me let me know.

Since this is the main portion you were seeking response to, I’ll snip this and hopefully something will be helpful but feel free to throw it out. I notice that you mention elsewhere an explicit motivation to pass and lack of interest in communion with pride/other Queer people. Anecdotally, I recall experiencing the most gender dysphoria prior to and immediately following interactions with my local Queer community where I’m from in Alabama (often known as the liberal haven of the state, don’t worry lol). After going to drag shows, bars, and expanding my circles to include more openly Queer people—what mattered most is that a lot of them were older than me, so their perspectives were completely unique in my life at the time—I felt beset with a lot of internal pressure to re-examine how I presented physically and also behaved in public. This period of frustration subsided when I reckoned with myself that the people I wanted to continue bringing into my orbit and vice versa weren’t the type to give a shit and a half about whether how I look and behave behind closed doors (and this includes my romantic and professional partner of the last 2 years) matched how I present and behave in public. This sounds like I’m saying it’s as easy as a few weeks of toiling and some trips to therapy, which it is for some, but this process isn’t linear or monolithic. I just happened to think of it as a mental game because there are so many societal and trauma-related layers that create this cognitive dissonance for you, me, and every other Queer person to ever exist. Your body hair and comfort clothing, for instance, shouldn’t instigate discomfort/obsession for you; it should be quite the opposite! Which I’m sure you’re well aware of and agree with.

All this to say is that I needed to dip my toe into the pool the rest of the Queer menagerie around me were bathing in to be able to look inward and discover what parts of myself don’t need re-arrangement for satisfaction of anyone. That goes ESPECIALLY for a romantic partner, who we are never obligated to give ourselves over fully to, much less change ourselves on a daily basis for their comfort.

 

[Wretched Waltz]

Life update: I'm now out, and response has been overwhelmingly positive!

 

[Gekokeso]

Erin, Trail Mom on Twitter: "Greg Abbot has officially directed Family and Protective Services to begin investigating all trans children in Texas and prosecuting their parents as child abusers. He has also instructed all teachers, doctors, and caregivers to begin reporting any trans students they see. https://t.co/AO4FdYNuym" / Twitter

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1496511215719399431

This got largely ignored with the ukranian crisis but I suggest yall who are or have trans friends and family to give them a notice about this. This stinks like a tremendous human rights violation in the happening.

 

[koista12]

I don't think minors should be allowed to transition, or probably even take puberty blockers tbh. Most states won't let minors even get tattoos, and that's a much less impactful decision than messing with your sex. The worry that children will be pressured into transition by health workers or parents is a valid one.

That said, I don't like this law. It reeks of culture war bullshit and it could easily be used to persecute people who advocate for trans rights and allowing children to transition. While I disagree with that position, I think psychologists/parents should absolutely be allowed to advocate for that as long as pharmaceutical/surgical steps aren't taken. This could be used as a tool for ideological intimidation, not mere prevention of future transitions for minors. I guess you could say I agree with the letter of the law, but I absolutely oppose the spirit.

 

[Medeia]

I don't think minors should be allowed to transition, or probably even take puberty blockers tbh. Most states won't let minors even get tattoos, and that's a much less impactful decision than messing with your sex. The worry that children will be pressured into transition by health workers or parents is a valid one.

That said, I don't like this law. It reeks of culture war bullshit and it could easily be used to persecute people who advocate for trans rights and allowing children to transition. While I disagree with that position, I think psychologists/parents should absolutely be allowed to advocate for that as long as pharmaceutical/surgical steps aren't taken. This could be used as a tool for ideological intimidation, not mere prevention of future transitions for minors. I guess you could say I agree with the letter of the law, but I absolutely oppose the spirit.

Children only get puberty blockers usually anyway, that are reversible and safe, seldomly do they get hormones before they turn 18 and theres like 1 handful of SRS surgeries done on people below 18 in the whole world. Something which you would know if you would do some research instead of falling into the trap of TERFs and other right-wing groups. Also, there's enough studies at this point which show that suicide rate and depression among trans children who do get gender affirming care except SRS is more in line with the rest of the population, unlike trans people who have to go through a often traumatizing puberty with some effects on the body that are IRREVERSIBLE. But of course, people who supposedly are so "worried" about the health of their childs don't care about these facts, as long as their child lives like heteronormative society dictates them to do. SRS is also never done on trans children in western countries and no trans rights and lgbt-group advocates for that, hell they are fighting for forced child mutilation on Inter people to stop, which is still legal btw (!) and something the government of Texas and other people who are supposedly worried about the health of their childs don't have any qualms about. Kids really are just instrumentized by conservatives and alt right groups in order to continue the current rigid and trans- + interphobe society strictly segregated by 2 sexes only, which is seen as something natural by these people "because the bible and their school books says so", when nature is way more diverse and nuanced than that. But hey, at least you see through the bullshit of this new terrible law, so that's a start i guess.

 

[brightobject]

There is no new law from what i can tell, I'm assuming you guys are referring to the directive--which doesnt have any binding legal power over what teachers/hcp's actually do. It's clearly inflammatory and the misinformation it promotes is dangerous, but it's not in the same realm as the idea of an actual law being passed to that effect (one of which failed to pass last year). However this directive is obviously still politically motivated bullshit so feel free to go off :p


https://www.transadvocate.com/hoax-texas-will-remove-trans-kids-from-homes-jail-parents_n_68466.htm

 

[willempju]

The worry that children will be pressured into transition by health workers or parents is a valid one.

Any proof that such a thing actually happens?

 

[aurora]

Yes, I totally agree with this course of action. In fact, I am very grateful I could not transition at all until 22 years old despite being very confident I was trans from 11 years old and then constantly trying to make it obvious to my parents and people around me however possible on multiple occasions for the next 11 years. It took me until 2020 before I made even the slightest headway towards transitioning given my domestic circumstances. That was a real character-building exercise.

Well, at least I figured out only recently that I would not have been able to do much of anything until I turned 18 anyway. Before 2017 the law in Australia was that both parents had to approve <18 year olds transitioning and my father would never have approved of anything of the sort. It feels better knowing that in practice I only wasted four years of my life instead of 11 years of my life.

---

More seriously, and likely somewhat tangentially, it is probably worth noting that this recent study conducted on a cohort of 44 people between 12 and 15 years of age who took puberty blockers (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7853497/) found that "all adverse events were minor and anticipated", that the administration of blockers had an overall positive impact on the psychological health of those taking them, and that 43 of the 44 participants later elected to commence HRT, a proportion that had been replicated or come close to in previous studies. Bone mass density was affected, but it is mentioned in the study that this becomes much less of an issue once HRT or similar commences. I find it very difficult to countenance the idea that puberty blockers (at the least) are detrimental given that their effects are reversible and they go a long way to improving the wellbeing of many who take them.

 

[zo]

they
she works too

thats the entire post

 

[Avery]

hii mini update, its nothin major but i am nonbinary and i use they / them now, though im also fine with being addressed as she

pannuracotta berryalcremie rumia Kris yall are my lgbtq besties ily :>

 

[antemortem]

Texas continues to remove LGBTQ suicide prevention resources from state websites

excerpt

The Texas Department of Health and Human Services appears to have removed resources for LGBTQ youths from its suicide prevention webpage.

On Feb. 1, the webpage included a subhead for the Trevor Project, describing it as “the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning young people under 25.” The section provided the organization’s website, phone number and text line.

A few days later, on Feb. 5, the section was gone. Of the four suicide prevention phone or text lines, only The Trevor Project was removed.

Now, there are three crisis lines listed: the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, the Veterans Crisis Line and the Crisis Text line. The Trevor Project’s phone number is still included in a PDF of resources under “Parent and Youth Suicide Prevention” as it was previously, but it isn’t as easily accessible as the section that was removed was, and doesn’t state that The Trevor Project is an LGBTQ-specific organization.

The Health and Human Services Department has not returned a request for comment.

Sam Ames, director of advocacy and government affairs at The Trevor Project, said mental health is not a partisan issue, and removing suicide prevention resources from a government website “because they are specific to LGBTQ youth is not only offensive and wrong, it’s dangerous.”

Thoughts?

I don’t know about y’all, but I would’ve kicked Texas off the island by now.

 

[Chadlad50]

I have been questioning my sexual orientation for about a year at this point and I honestly feel hopeless about it. Why is it so confusing?

 

[Fishy]

I have been questioning my sexual orientation for about a year at this point and I honestly feel hopeless about it. Why is it so confusing?

the best part is you don't need to slap a label on it

if you're too stuck on selecting a label/identity/orientation for yourself, you could be invalidating the process as a whole! you may think yourself hetero one day and then gay the next, only to eventually realize you're bisexual, or maybe you're attracted to certain features that pop up on both sexes, like a cute nose. who knows!!

self-identity is often a lifelong journey... not because people never learn who they are, but i think we refine our own definitions of self over time. most importantly, you never stop being you, so even if you can't find a [label] that fits, maybe you'll find satisfaction in just being [You] for now while you're still figuring it out :)

 

[willempju]

I didn't know I wasn't trans until puberty, and I know many others feel the same way. By blocking the natural biological process of puberty, couldn't that be considered manipulating a child into being transgender?

Where do you get the idea that puberty blockers are being given to children who do not actively ask for them and not after very careful consideration by healthcare professionals?

 

[Luck O' the Irish]

The year is 2040. The chemicals joe biden put into the water supply has successfully turned everyones gender’s into the opposite of what they used to be. If I do not take my gay pills my body be liquefied and it’s nutrients used to fight global warming. I got cancelled on Twitter yesterday

 

[Fishy]

Where do you get the idea that puberty blockers are being given to children who do not actively ask for them and not after very careful consideration by healthcare professionals?

i think the main issue is that some people think children shouldn't be making medical decisions that will alter their body's natural development process, and i count myself amongst those people! however, this feeling is not justified by anything to do with the morality of bodily autonomy, but wariness of manipulating anybody's natural progression of development by something as impactful as hormone therapy at a time when the body is already flooded with hormone cascades related to puberty, or whatever else may be happening in that particular person's body at that point in time.

the best a parent can do is be open and receptive to their children and their children's choice of self expression, especially when expressing their needs. i don't think it's ever a casual task of deciding to pursue hormone therapy, especially when it's being pursued with positive parental consent. i think children receiving hormone therapy is only bad if they aren't actively requesting it themselves, as the morality of their desire beats the morality of whether or not they're allowed to have that desire.

 

[adem]

basically yeah, ill add more maybe tmmrw after class but its late so gn

 

[antemortem]

the best part is you don't need to slap a label on it

if you're too stuck on selecting a label/identity/orientation for yourself, you could be invalidating the process as a whole! you may think yourself hetero one day and then gay the next, only to eventually realize you're bisexual, or maybe you're attracted to certain features that pop up on both sexes, like a cute nose. who knows!!

self-identity is often a lifelong journey... not because people never learn who they are, but i think we refine our own definitions of self over time. most importantly, you never stop being you, so even if you can't find a [label] that fits, maybe you'll find satisfaction in just being [You] for now while you're still figuring it out :)

I have been questioning my sexual orientation for about a year at this point and I honestly feel hopeless about it. Why is it so confusing?

I just want to add how there’s something revelatory and freeing about learning all the possible identities and labels that don’t fit so you can get closer to finding a language that does fit. It’s often most important to develop this language for yourself. This language doesn’t have to entail explicit labels; it can instead comprise the way you communicate with other Queer people, how you like to be addressed by friends and family, the media that you consume and perhaps create, etc. etc. the list is endless.

View attachment 414288

basically yeah, ill add more maybe tmmrw after class but its late so gn

Congrats!!!

No bi-erasure in this thread, we swear

 

[Bella]

gender identify crisises are fucking stupid. thats it.

 

[NaboGaming]

how do i tell my parents im trans? 14 yr woman, amab. i know they would accept me, and i know it would be easier to get this off my chest, but i just can't! can't without sounding like an awkward mess, that is... and even though they would accept me, part of me feels like they would think of me differently, no matter what they would tell me. anyone have advice here?

 

[Fishy]

how do i tell my parents im trans? 14 yr woman, amab. i know they would accept me, and i know it would be easier to get this off my chest, but i just can't! can't without sounding like an awkward mess, that is... and even though they would accept me, part of me feels like they would think of me differently, no matter what they would tell me. anyone have advice here?

whether you're their daughter or their son, your parents will (and should!!) love their child regardless! your parents might think of you differently, but only in the sense that you've shared something new with them about yourself. they could change their perception of you if you informed them you were suddenly a different religion, a vegetarian, who knows—your journey of self is yours, and they should be supporting you all along the way!

i'm not sure anyone can accurately telegraph how your parents might react, but i think it's important to believe that they do indeed love you, as i'm sure they do!! and so they'll accept your journey as you share it with them.

more than anything parents don't want anything to harm their children, and i think often times negative reactions surrounding a trans/gay coming out scenario are rooted in basic fight or flight to something we do not recognize or haven't already learned how to handle, so rejection ensues. i can't promise your parents will understand your emotions right away, but i can guarantee that they will TRY their damndest because their love for you is not dictated by your gender.

whatever you decide, i wish you the bubbliest luck i can muster

 

[NaboGaming]

whether you're their daughter or their son, your parents will (and should!!) love their child regardless! your parents might think of you differently, but only in the sense that you've shared something new with them about yourself. they could change their perception of you if you informed them you were suddenly a different religion, a vegetarian, who knows—your journey of self is yours, and they should be supporting you all along the way!

i'm not sure anyone can accurately telegraph how your parents might react, but i think it's important to believe that they do indeed love you, as i'm sure they do!! and so they'll accept your journey as you share it with them.

more than anything parents don't want anything to harm their children, and i think often times negative reactions surrounding a trans/gay coming out scenario are rooted in basic fight or flight to something we do not recognize or haven't already learned how to handle, so rejection ensues. i can't promise your parents will understand your emotions right away, but i can guarantee that they will TRY their damndest because their love for you is not dictated by your gender.

whatever you decide, i wish you the bubbliest luck i can muster

omg, thank you so much, you did not have to write something that long for me qwq
how do i phrase it, though? like, what do i say to them that wont sound dumb other than "hi mommy and daddy (yes i call them that lol) im trans"

 

[Fishy]

omg, thank you so much, you did not have to write something that long for me qwq
how do i phrase it, though? like, what do i say to them that wont sound dumb other than "hi mommy and daddy (yes i call them that lol) im trans"

it sounds like you're all a tight knit bunch, which is lovely

how you bring it up is up to you! you could sit them down and take it seriously, you could mention it in passing like "did you know you have a daughter?" and they'll be like "wtf?" and you can be like "yeah... i discovered her [some time] ago. it's me!" and go from there.

honestly i think stuff like this is best to toss out in the open and face it head on (IF you feel safe doing so), like dumping a load of dirty laundry in the living room. it doesn't hurt anyone, it's sort of silly, and you've framed the "problem" in such a way that you have to handle it now. cuz, it would be ridiculous to leave dirty laundry in the living room, further ridiculous to take the pile BACK to your room vs just taking care of it then and there!

you got this!!!

 

[NaboGaming]

it sounds like you're all a tight knit bunch, which is lovely

how you bring it up is up to you! you could sit them down and take it seriously, you could mention it in passing like "did you know you have a daughter?" and they'll be like "wtf?" and you can be like "yeah... i discovered her [some time] ago. it's me!" and go from there.

honestly i think stuff like this is best to toss out in the open and face it head on (IF you feel safe doing so), like dumping a load of dirty laundry in the living room. it doesn't hurt anyone, it's sort of silly, and you've framed the "problem" in such a way that you have to handle it now. cuz, it would be ridiculous to leave dirty laundry in the living room, further ridiculous to take the pile BACK to your room vs just taking care of it then and there!

you got this!!!

thank you so much, i would love to be friends with you! do you have steam? :3

 

[Steorra]

almost a year of being nb and its probably one of the very few decisions in my life I don't regret