Moving out

The.Lost.Hylian

The.Lost.Hylian

Conquer your Shadow
is a Researcher Alumnus
I've been having an assload of problems with the parents here for the last few months, and we got in a fight today. My mother asked me to come back to them with a plan for how we're going to "survive the next 4 weeks" before I go back to college. Well, shortly before that, my dad went asdf angry and said, "Well I vote you get your shit and get the fuck out of my house; but I'm only 1/3 of the vote."

So, I came back to them and told them I was going to buy my car from my dad and move on on Friday.

Now, my parents both know that isn't what I want. I mean, yeah, I'd like to finally get the fuck out, but something is holding me back. And I still don't know what to make of my dad coming back to me afterwards and saying "if this isn't what you want then you need to say so."

So basically I'm looking for advice, or anything, from people who have moved out from the parents' house, or people who have dealt with family shit. I'm at a loss.
 
Yeah I moved out when I was 19 for the same reasons. We got along much, much better after that. I moved back in with them at 23...same problems arose, so I moved out again. I have mixed feelings about it, as I love having my own place, but if only I had stayed there and saved money maybe I'd be in school right now learning something interesting instead of working at a goddamn cheese factory. But that's life. So just consider it carefully. Honestly I think you should just suck it up and stay there, save save save. Unless the stress has gotten to the point where it's unhealthy for everyone, then its better to go before your relationship with them completely disintegrates. My dad suffers from high blood pressure, diabetes, and a bad temper. I was really afraid that he'd have a heart attack because of me one day. I can be a very difficult person, it really wasn't their fault.
 
same, it was also one of the factors leading me to eventually quit school so I could get a job and pay for my stuff.

I still dont get along with my parents very much, whom I visit mainly solely to see my brothers and sister, and dog.

No real advice to give you though, I find it odd they arent capable to "do with you" for as little as 4 more weeks.
 
That sounds like my family...sort of.

Like I care for my parents and all...but I find myself talking to my siblings more that anyone else.

It's mainly my mom that I tend to avoid. She's someone who finds fault in anything you say or do.

If I say anything about money, she goes off on a Outrage saying "Your (insert random Hindi insult) father spends all the money in the house on junk..." which he use to do, but not at the magnitude my mom says.

If I say something about someone's house, she goes "Oh we're poor, we live in a (insert random adjective here) home".

So you see, you just can't have a conversation with her, as she'll say something bad.

My Dad and I get along ok. Unfortunately his flaw is having a very high temper and gets angry at the smallest of things. He takes anything my mom says too seriously and things get ugly. For days my parents won't talk to each other, and we (me and my siblings) become messangers and people to take their anger out on.

Frankly I dread coming home from college, b/c there's hardly a "family" there. Right now we are going through a crisis that involves our house and my dad being unemployed at the time and it's basically torn us apart...

Yea, that's my family shit.
 
Yeah I'd agree with StonerChris. I already plan to live with my parents for quite a while and save up money, getting your own place will be very costly. You could just try getting out of the house more though (that was not an insult lol). The only time my parents see me is when I go to get something to eat, or ask my mum to cook me something.. Lol. Yeah, I should really learn to cook properly by now.

Leaching off your parents for as long as you can is a good idea though :)
 
Havak said:
Leaching off your parents for as long as you can is a good idea though :)
Click to expand...

lol Chris, isn't that what parents are there for? Still living at home [I'm 19 now as well] and would like to move out, but as everyone else has stated, the money situation is a problem. I mean I can't even get a job to start saving. I think this is how people turn to prostitution...
 
in the wise words of Queen, "leaving home ain't easy, but may be the only way"

it was exciting at the time but it was so long ago since i moved out that i dont even remember it. my family is quite detatched, and we always liked to do things independantly; even when we did live together, we kept to ourselves. but if you are close to your family, it will be hard for all involved, but an exciting, rewarding experience. and your parents will be proud of you in the end for doing so, making the first bold step in regards to "taking life by the horns", or whatever.
 
Your first apartment will be a blast...possibly a shock...at least it was for me. I got my own one-bedroom in an amusingly white-trash part of town, with a young family on one side that were always screeching at one another, and this like 400lb biker dude who smoked more pot than I did on the other side. Below me was a couple who were always fucking and moaning long into the night, and the people above me let their dog piss off their balcony. Lovely! It was great to make fun of but after a year I'd had enough. The next place I got was above an attorney's office, I liked that place. Very quiet and my only neighbour was 100% deaf. Then I moved to semi-decent apartment building with a friend for a year, he ended up being a deadbeat and I had to pay his rent for awhile...hence I had to move back in with the folks. My current apartment is OK, but I'll still be moving when my lease is up. I'm sick of apartments, I need a house, something with a yard at least.
 
I'd say move out and stay with a friend and share the price of living. It's what I'm currently doing and it's not bad at all, plus you can afford a nice place.
 
The sole fact that your dad came back to you afterwards and said that shows that he didn't mean what he said, he only said it in a fit of anger. I'm another person who has gone through what you went through, I ended up moving to Rochester last summer on a complete whim, it devastated my mother because her and my dad knew I wasn't financially ready for it. I'm good to go now, but you definitely have to look ahead before making a decision like this: give it a couple days, detach yourself from the emotions of the argument, then take another look at the situation logically. 4 weeks really isn't a lot of time to suck it up and stay there.
 
I agree with DM, moving out on your own is an awesome experience. But the experience is only going to be good if you're ready for it. If you have financial concerns you're going to be worried more by those than by the fact that you're "finally free", so to speak. And yeah, it can be hard to stay in school while working full time to pay all your bills.

Four weeks isn't too long, and it can ease a lot of the stress that an abrupt move will bring about. You'll severe the financial ties you have to the folks when you're ready to, but until then, let them help you. Believe me when I say you don't realize how much they're doing for you until you have to do it for yourself.
 
Everyone has family troubles, and it's hard to tell from a couple internet sentences how serious it is. That said, the wisest thing you can do, is live as frugally as possible and put up with your parents shit and save money. What exactly are the issues that are causing these rifts? I mean, are these serious problems, or are you just being a little bitch kid that blows everything out of proportion?

My parents bug the hell out of me sometimes. I am the complete opposite of my dad, and my mom can really be a bitch. It's frustrating, because I'm 18, working, and out of high school and they are still telling me what to do(curfew, activities, stuff like that), but I have resisted the urge to tell them to fuck off because of the financial support. I figure I can put up with the bullshit for another 2 months before I'm off to college, and it will be worth it if I do, seeing as how they are helping pay for my schooling, as well as the fact that they will probably feed me when I come home and take me out to eat when they come visit me.

We really are completely different people with different ideals, but I put up with it, because they are my fucking parents, and I can sift through all of that bullshit and find a way to make things work. The biggest challenge in life until you are completely financially independent(in my case, won't be till I'm at least 22), is to see how much bullshit you can really take, and you will find in the end it will probably make you a more tolerable person.

Honestly dude, everyone has problems at home.
 
I don't have a curfew. They basically let me do as I please, which I guess I take for granted. I have the terrible tendency of shutting down and getting defensive when my parents get into some discussion about me.

My dad realizes that I have a lot of his bad habits. Forgetfulness, disorganization, etc. But, as we have all but proved 100% fact, my mother was the one that passed me my bipolar condition. He got really mad at me once and said that I behaved just like my mother. And without getting into real detail, I'll just say that my biological mother is a liar, a cheat, a thief, and a coward. And for him to tell me that I act like my mother was a serious low blow.

A lot of times I don't think my parents really understand that I don't behave the way I do to spite them. For some reason they always turn everything negative I've done into some way of disrespecting or insulting them.

I don't feel anyone cares to know more, but I'll just finish by saying that I appreciate the feedback.
 
I'm 19 and I live with my parents. I even get on with both of them really well. I guess the trick is...I just avoid them and tell them nothing. We exchange pleasantries and chat occassionally, but when they start snooping and asking questions, that's generally when the conversation ends.

I'd reccomend you try it out for the next 4 weeks. Try not to spend too much time in the house where you're in their firing range. Spend most days out of the house at your friends or whatever. Maybe even just go for a walk, join a gym, get a part-time job. You figure that part out, but my point is; the best way to avoid confrontation for the next 4 weeks is to be away from them. This doesn't neccesarily mean moving out though.

Personally, I'd start planning ahead to getting my own place, but I'd try not to rush into anything or do anything rash.
 
I few months ago, I twas being kicked out of home due to dropping out of college (due to laziness more than anything; I mean, I can easily Ace the likes Calculus, but thing like "Global Environment" are just too dull for me). Anyways, I ended up having a one month ultimatum to move out and subsist on my own. I'm tend to be a family sort of guy, so this was one thing I could not cope with easily. But, it turned out okay in the end.

First, I looked for a job. It is extremely important to get yourself a job, even if in the end you end up sticking at your parent's home, you need something to back you up should anything go wrong. Then just look for apartments. Again, you may end up not living there anytime soon, but preparation is key. Lastly, just leave things to lady luck. Your parents may even opt to let you stay home, and even then, having a secured job (and apartment) may just be the one thing needed for you to choose to move out. The idea just grows on you.

As for me, I'm back at work. Applied to another college which I'm paying myself (when YOUR money is on the line, you don't feel like failing anything). Even though, I did find several places to move out, I found an option, which in the ended up being more satisfying: I rented a room at my parents' house. Yes, I pay rent in the one place I took for granted. This can only do you good. My monthly rate is cheaper than anything I could've found. I'm close to my family and I now have the total freedom. For me, this was win-win situation, and it might work out for you.
 
So wait, your parents pretty much let you do whatever you want and enforce little to no control over you, and yet this has somehow caused such a rift that you are considering moving out of free home? I don't get it man: parents bitch and sometimes it's annoying, but it doesn't even seem like your parents constrict you in anyway. What exactly is the problem again?

I guess I just don't understand what the huge deal is. I obviously don't get it so maybe you could go into a little more detail or provide some concrete examples as to why you feel the need to move out - and yes, we do care!
 
I dont exactly have the ideal home situation and have thought of moving out several times, but the reality is its too expensive. If your gonna even think about moving out you better make sure that you have a steady job and at least a couple thousand in the bank for back up. Also, look to room with friends as the rent will be cheaper that way. You could work it to only paying 300 a month that way which isnt too bad.

Keep in mind that getting an apartment will entail a great deal of money. Youll need to pay rent, bills, and get your own food. Do you think you could manage to work enough to do that and still do well in school? I know I tried and it bit me in the ass. Also, say good by to getting a car or anything liek that for awhile.
 
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