Need Motivation

[fanyfan]

I’m about to ask some random-ass people on the internet for help. What am I getting myself into?

So I’m kind of struggling with some things rn and I was hoping some of you older (than 16) folk could give me some wise advice.

I’m going to start off with this: I’m a procrastinator. I’m sure we all are to an extent, but I am really bad. As in, I literally do everything at the last possible minute and don’t really do anything that I don’t specifically get graded on in school type of procrastination. As in, just a few hours ago I wrote 75% of a research paper I was supposed to do over the course of two months in about two and a half hours. I’m not even completely done with all the other materials and shit as of writing this. I plan to do it right after, but I’m really bad at getting myself to do things.

Now that you have that background, this is what happened today. Keep in mind, I’m a junior in high school, and this isn’t even close to the first time a similar event to this has happened. So this research paper. I procrastinated heavily and lied to my parents a couple of days ago on its completion status. TLDR: my parents found out through my teacher that I hadn’t turned it in yet and went crazy. My parents really have this thing about lies, and this time was no exception. It’s 11:40 at night rn as I’m typing this, but my dad like 15 minutes ago just sat me down and had a talk with me about how dissapointed he was, about how he couldn’t trust me anymore, the stuff I’m used to hearing when I’ve fucked up badly.

However, the reason I’m typing this for you all so late at night is because something he said really struck a chord in me and made me reflect. Fir context, I’ve always been told I was a really responsible, smart person. I babysat a neighbor at twelve ffs. However, he said that I was less responsible now than I was then, that I’m going down a dark path, that I could end up like my cousin, who, with a lot of respect to him, sits at his computer and plays video games and mooches off his parents all day. He dropped out of college and quit his job. My parents made it very clear that they weren’t going to tolerate that. He even said, if that’s what I choose to do with my life, I’ll have to find a new place to stay at eighteen. But anyway, back on topic here, idk why, but what he said there kind of struck a chord with me. I’m used to being told I’m responsible, smart, etc. The “Going down a dangerous path” thing kinda scares me a little, ngl. Idk if it was just parent fearmongering though.

One thing in particular he said was that I didn’t have any motivation. And it’s true, I really don’t. I don’t see high school as important as my parents do, I couldn’t give two shits about what I’m being taught in school, and in general feel quite apathetic about the whole situation. As I’m sure you can guess, this site makes up approximately 50% of what I do when I’m supposed to be studying. Discord, ps, and YouTube make up the other parts mostly. I try to cut back, I try not to procrastinate, but I can never care about any of it and it’s become a mountain of bad habits. I procrastinate, I lie to my parents, I don’t care about school, I spend way too much time on my hobbies. It all feeds into each other. I need motivation, but I’m not finding it and I’m trapped in an endless cycle of apathy. I just don’t know how to find motivation anymore. My dad said that if I cared about my future, I would care about high school, but I care about my future and not about high school. In my mind, as long as I get into college, I’m good. My parents differ on that topic.

Now that was a very long and incoherent rambling (I’m very bad at being concise) and I’m not sure if anyone will actually read it. But if you do, I have some questions for you to help me.
1. Am I really headed down a dark path by procrastinating and occasionally lying to my parents? Should I be concerned about my future as it stands right now?
2. Is high school really that important? Or is it just a stepping stone to get to college where it will start actually mattering?
3. Any advice to get out of my procrastination habit? I’ve tried many an online trick and it hasn’t worked.
4. Any advice on how to get more motivated? I’m having an incredibly hard time getting motivated and I feel like if I could just get that, all my problems would disappear.
5. Advice on reducing the parent’s anger? I really really really don’t want to not do marching band next year, but that’s one of the consequences being considered for this. I don’t know what to do to get my parents less angry and I feel as though removing marching band and other activities would just make things worse as I’d be even more reliant on the internet to fill my free time, which is bad. I don’t think they listened to me when I told them that though.
6. Any other miscellaneous advice on how to get through this situation you picked up in your years you’ve been on the earth longer than me?

Holy fuck this is long. I apologize to anyone that reads that whole thing damn. I just really want advice rn

 

[GatoDelFuego]

My humble opinions

1. By procrastinating, no. Everybody procrastinates. By lying to your parents, yes absolutely. Being honest with your parents is the key to a good relationship.
2. High school is not important but not for the reason you think. College is no more important than high school. What's important is really being motivated to do something; for most people it's going to college and learning something.
3. I can't think of any advice, but I'd just say the problem is you not being motivated to do anything; you need to fix the cause (no motivation) and not the symptom (procrastinating)
4. You need to really take stock of your life. You say that as long as you get into college you're fine, and imo that's a big red flag and a horrible mentality to have--but not because of the reason you think so. You shouldn't go to college unless you're motivated to do so. If you don't have any self-control and don't have a desire to put your time into studying something you're interested in at college, then you WILL turn out like your cousin. If that's how you want to live, then fine. There's plenty of people out there that just hold an easy job and live life how they want. If that's what you want, then you shouldn't delude yourself into thinking otherwise. As your parents said, they aren't going to enable to you mooch off them. But it sounds like you're not looking forward to that kind of lifestyle? So you're probably fine in this aspect. Like I said, you need to figure out what you want to do with yourself.
5. There's no easy outs for you on this. From what little I know about your life (apathetic towards school, strict parents, used to being called smart?) it seems like things have been pretty simple. Your parents are concerned that you are going to "waste" your life if you don't take stuff seriously. You need to prove to them as well as yourself that you are trying to figure something out for yourself. Like, you spent a huge amount of time typing this out for personal help on smogon dot com, you are clearly seeking help. And that's a good start. The fact that you are concerned that you might be on a "bad path" means that you are trying to better your situation. You just need to be honest with your parents and let them know why you feel like you can't care about stuff. I'm sure they'll want to understand how you're feeling.
6. Only other piece of advice I can give is to get professional help. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with talking to a therapist. Everybody feels this way about life occasionally, especially young people. Talking out your problems with a professional can really help you understand how you're feeling and how to take the steps you are searching for.

 

[Pyritie]

Try getting some hobbies where you can create things instead of just consuming. Find like-minded other creative people where you can encourage each other and see their progress. Figure out what sort of things you enjoy doing in life, then figure out what you need to do to accomplish them. Experiment and try new things and never stop learning. Don't lie to your parents. It's perfectly ok to ask for help, both from your parents and internet strangers and everyone in between. Be open and talk about your feelings with people you trust.

Close off distractions. Unplug your computer from your internet. Set deadlines. I'm a horrible procrastinator too and I'm 26, and it's something I keep trying to tackle with various methods until I find one that sticks. You said you get motivated by deadlines. Try breaking projects into tiny pieces and setting individual deadlines for them. Instead of "two month project needs to be finished by X", try breaking it up into pieces like "look up one research source today" and "write five bullet points for topics to talk about in your project" or something. It's really difficult to motivate yourself for personal projects (I'm ok with doing stuff when it relates to my job but I find it really difficult to push myself to do anything personal), so maybe set deadlines to coincide with other things happening around you. For example I've been procrastinating on this one plushie that I started in autumn last year, and I'm finding that both a) having other crafty friends who show their own progress gives me motivation to do my own, and b) I've set a deadline to finish it by the time another friend goes to a convention near them. (completely irrelevant for me, but it's a useful reference point)

High school is the perfect time to experiment with hobbies and interests before you set out into the world of higher education. If you pick a uni topic that you're not very interested in because you can't decide, you won't get anything out of college and it'll just be a waste of time for you. Don't try to be a famous gamer youtuber or whatever because that's a very oversaturated market. Find what you like doing, look for a niche that hasn't been filled yet, and figure out how to exploit it.

 

[AM]

Ill preface by saying im 26 so i think this qualifies as someone who’s been where you are.

Seconding what kink said. Discipline is a lot more important because thats whats going to get the work done when mentally you probably dont care. You can probably see most people around you in life have no real sense of motivation. They do what they do whether thats work, school, etc. through some level of discipline. I personally am not motivated to do anything but discipline is what keeps me going to work everyday to pay the bills, go to the gym regularly, be aware of my finance, and a whole lot of other things.

I dont think high school is important at all. I think high school and the concept of school in general is important to people with a certain mindstate who buy into the idea that the value of school is some sort of constant without considering the variables involved. High school did nothing for me to define who i am now and the only reason why i feel college did something for me was to make me aware about making more financially responsible choices, which i regret having to go to college for based on debt to figure that out. On the flip side most jobs require some sort of education so you’re gonna have to look at it from the angle of getting employed in the future. I dont think school in the traditional sense is important, but an employer will think different so that needs to be taken into consideration which is more than likely the perspective your parents have.

Maintaining some sort of discipline towards goals will give you a bit more freedom in the future. If you discipline yourself into learning how to drive, you can get a car, which can improve your employment opportunities, see more things around you, and so forth. Sit in school and look around you at the harsh reality that a lot of those kids have 0 motivation and discipline and are not going to do anything with themselves then think about the fact someone in that room is probably doing the same thing perhaps pinpointing you for their own encouragrment to do better. A lot of this doesnt kick in until after high school where there is normally some sort of money or living situation on the line, normally college, but at least you are aware early so you can take advantage now.

Chances are you’re going to always be a procastinator. I’m a firm believer that people don’t change, they just adapt, so you’ll probably be doing stuff last minute anyways. As long as it gets done in time who cares

 

[Hulavuta]

I totally get where you're coming from, and I relate to this in a lot of ways. When I was 15, I was doing very poorly in high school and found no real motivation to do it. Marching Band for me was a big part of the problem, it was taking up too much time and I was falling behind in most of my classes; it was pretty depressing. I didn't feel like I was learning jack shit in school.

I actually ended up actually leaving my school to do homeschooling/virtual school. This was 2012, and if you check my join date you'll see it was only a few months before I had joined Smogon. When I did join Smogon, (and later, this other site) I found I could not keep myself disciplined to actually do the work, especially with the extra freedom I had. No matter how much I planned it, I'd always just give into the temptation of wasting all my time here.

Back around 2013-2014 we had this thing called the "Mentorship Program" and there were these Q&A threads. And in one I saw the most amazing advice by a user named Ray Jay. Essentially, he said that no matter how much you plan in your mind that you are going to focus on your schoolwork and not spend as much time on Smogon (or other fun hobbies), you won't do it. You'll always give in to the temptation. And I knew that firsthand.

For him, the only solution was finding a way to love school. He got involved in clubs, sports, etc. and that enjoyment of extracurricular stuff extended to value in academics as well. The online school I was part of had a small campus/office and in my last year I started going there regularly, doing my work with teachers around, going to see speakers, and making friends that I still talk to today. And that worked pretty well for me. If you go to a church or temple or so, try getting involved with your youth group and talk about school.

Now, I wouldn't say high school is that important, but you're looking at it the wrong way if you think of it purely as a means to an end. The exact grades aren't important, but the kind of mindset and attitude you cultivate is. I didn't do homeschool because I was angry, I did it because it was the best choice for me at the time. Like Gato said, saying "I'll be fine when I get to college" is somewhat of a concerning message. I question how much you really do care about your future, in that case. Do you know what you want to do already? Maybe you have an idea, but if you felt strongly about it, I doubt then that you'd be so dismissive of high school. But speaking from experience, college is where most people drop off. With all of the freedom you have in college, it relies a LOT on self-motivation and discipline. Nobody's gonna be hunting you down if you stop showing up.

I can't count on one hand the number of friends and family I have who became slackers when they got to college. Some of them recovered and are doing fine, and others dropped off completely and are like your cousin, just sitting at home and consuming resources. And the longer you're in it, the harder the momentum is to break.

For me, I got over this just by finding intrinsic value in what I was doing. I just wanted to become a better person and everything else just came from that. Competition can be healthy too, I did feel that I had something to prove for people who looked down on my decision to do homeschooling. I just had to be twice as mature as people had expected me to be. Because it's intrinsic, there's no way I can make you get it. But for most people, you'll discover intrinsic value when you realize: A: why you need to be a good person, and B: what you are good at and passionate about.

Listening to some motivational speakers sounds like a cliche, but it is actually very helpful as long as they talk about something of substance. I discovered Dr. Randy Pausch in 8th grade and he basically changed the direction of my life. Here's the video if you're interested, it's about 11 minutes of a talk he gave on Oprah.

As for your parents, extending some empathy will go a long way. My mom was supportive of my decision to do homeschool all the way, but my dad was more reluctant. And my aunts and uncles (we're Asian, so we're a tight-knit family) were very wary. They talked about me behind my back, suggesting I had a problem with authority, or that I wasn't going to have the social skills I needed to survive professionally. That really annoyed me, but I can totally understand it. My oldest brother is a lot like your cousin. 26 years old now and going nowhere, and he was already like this when I first made the decision. They were worried my decision to do homeschool was out of a desire to stay home, rather than a purely academic decision. They kept suggesting alternative high schools they wanted me to go to. For me, I knew it was the right thing, but how could I get someone else to understand that? It ended well for me; last month I got accepted to grad school with a free ride, great! But they had no way of knowing how it would end up. It is difficult.

I won't pretend to know your parents, and some parents are more authoritative than empathetic, but consistent communication is helpful. Let them know that you understand their concerns, even if they weren't legitimate (though in this case, I'd say they definitely are). Work together to come up with some kind of plan. It'll help put their minds at ease. This will sound silly, but physical contact like hugging actually goes a long way as well. Don't lie to your parents btw, lol. It's hard sometimes, but as long as you realize it's wrong, you should be on the right path. You can do little things to build up your relationship, just by talking about how your day was, what you're doing in school, going on small trips together to the grocery store, going out to eat together, etc.

In a more practical sense, when it comes down to simply not procrastinating, actually just breaking down assignments and assigning parts to certain days is helpful. I don't think your school should have had an assignment that lasted over 2 months without any checkpoints, but that's beside the point. Stay after school, or have your parents take you to the library where you can work in a distraction-free zone. Don't know the layout of your house, but if you have a laptop, try working in the living room rather than your own room.

Spending a lot of time on the computer can also fry your attention span pretty significantly, as it did for me. Especially with spending a lot of time on Smogon refreshing threads, checking other forums, tabbing to Discord, etc. I suggest taking an hour or so a day just reading a book, it can be just about anything as long as you are interested in it. That will help you to focus and repair your attention span and focus on long stretches of work better.

I'll reiterate, I never felt like I was learning jack shit in high school either. But the point is knowing that it's important to get through it, and making it worth your time, since you have to do it anyway. I might have more to say but this is getting long and I forgot so I'll just end it here.

 

[Myzozoa]

1. Am I really headed down a dark path by procrastinating and occasionally lying to my parents? Should I be concerned about my future as it stands right now?

To the first part: not really, from their perspective you may be missing some opportunities or falling into some habits that won't be that helpful to you. For the second, you should always be concerned about your future, but how you act to express that concern is what you might do better to reflect on. You might want to consider:
1. What are your goals at school? Do you want to get top marks and extracurriculars so you can get a scholarship to pay for college? Do you want to graduate and be done with school? Do you want to just do well enough to get into college? What, if anything, do you want to learn at school?
2. How do you feel about school? What is it like for you to be at school?
3. What do you do at school? Reflect on what you do each school day, what are the differences you notice with each class or period of the day? How do you behave differently at different times in school? How does school make you feel when think about it at home? When do you find yourself thinking about school when you aren't at school?
4. What types of homework do you have an easy time starting promptly and completing promptly? Are there certain subjects that you find easier to stay on top of than others?

These questions are for you to reflect on, you don't need to answer itt and I won't respond if you do anyway, not to be offensive it just really isn't for me to go further than writing these questions.

2. Is high school really that important? Or is it just a stepping stone to get to college where it will start actually mattering?

Going to college might matter a lot depending on your program, if you go for bachelors of science in nursing for example or a stem field. To the extent that college does matter, high school is, as you said, a stepping stone. It is quite difficult to get into college, even with quite good grades, if a habit of procrastinating leads you to write horrible personal statements (I experienced this myself when I was applying for colleges)...

Everything matters, there are opportunities at high school for some people, and obviously a stranger on the internet can't tell you if there are any for you. Just being at school will effect you some way, if you are going to be putting all that time into it, it seems reasonable to reflect on what potential learning opportunities you have. Would you like to learn another language or a musical instrument? Learn calculus or get ahead on what you want to study in college?

3. Any advice to get out of my procrastination habit? I’ve tried many an online trick and it hasn’t worked.

Good news and bad news for this one.

The good news is that, depending on your program in college, it won't matter that much if you turn assignments in late.

The bad news is that high school teachers feel pretty strongly about docking points on late assignments.

I am a procrastinator myself and my two (3) tricks are:

1. give yourself a shit ton of time, plan out blocks of time to work on things before the deadline
2. do your work in a place you can focus in away from any routine distractions. I liked the library when I was in school.
3. do your homework at school in class instead of paying attention to the lesson (this only works in high school btw), classes are easy to focus in, but you can just focus on your homework thats due next class period while the lesson goes on. If your teach complains start falling asleep in their class and then they'll be happy ur doing homework instead of sleeping. This works in high school from personal experience.

4. Any advice on how to get more motivated? I’m having an incredibly hard time getting motivated and I feel like if I could just get that, all my problems would disappear.

See my response to 1.

5. Advice on reducing the parent’s anger? I really really really don’t want to not do marching band next year, but that’s one of the consequences being considered for this. I don’t know what to do to get my parents less angry and I feel as though removing marching band and other activities would just make things worse as I’d be even more reliant on the internet to fill my free time, which is bad. I don’t think they listened to me when I told them that though.

get your grades up? talk to your teachers, it might turn out that forgiveness is easier sought than permission.


It sounds like you think you have enough time to do all of your homework and all of your activities at the level of your parents expectations, and the problem is that you haven't 'followed through' on your parents expectations at school. If you're right, and you find the energy or w.e to follow through on them, then their anger may be diminished as you turn your situation around, and I'm sorry your parents are being mean to you, they think they have a right, but to be honest they don't and I hope you know that.

 

[Milhau5]

I kind of skimmed it, but I get the idea about procrastination. Happens to the smartest people. Let me leave you with this little nugget:
My dad is 58 going on 59. He works 50 hours a week and is tired at the time, and he's a bad procrastinator without a schedule put upon him. But now he's learning coding on his own because it fascinates him; he's making progress and learned C integer division this week. He did this between his work and responsibilities. There is never such a thing as "I don't have enough time".
Life is a balancing act that gets worse as you get older, you have to sit down and figure something out. You don't have the fraction of responsibilities right now that you're going to.

School is also very important. You don't need to go to college but you do need to finish high school or you won't even be hired to do shitty jobs like moving boxes at Sears. Hit those books.

 

[Fluke]

1. Am I really headed down a dark path by procrastinating and occasionally lying to my parents? Should I be concerned about my future as it stands right now?
Not necessarily. If not lying and not procrastinating is what you both agreed upon, then you should either try to change your behavior or change the agreement. Also depends on what you want yourself. Want to keep lying? Or want to stop it? Then the most logical solution is to not put yourself into those situations again. 'Headed down a dark path' is fearmongering. You just aren't on the same page. I don't see that as a bad thing. They apparently do.

2. Is high school really that important? Or is it just a stepping stone to get to college where it will start actually mattering?
In my opinion it's only important if you're going to need it in the future. If you don't know what you want to do later in life, it's definitely handy to get a degree just in case. If you already know you want to be something you don't need a degree for, it's not important. Though, then you should work hard to get there. College is what is important, high school really isn't. It's only a shortcut to reaching your educational goals quicker.

3. Any advice to get out of my procrastination habit? I’ve tried many an online trick and it hasn’t worked.
I feel like you are procrastinating because you have to do things you don't like. Explore yourself and find something you like; something you can also (partially) live off. Could also be a hobby. Look at entertainers, YouTubers, creators. Heck, you can go work in stores that are about subjects you like.

4. Any advice on how to get more motivated? I’m having an incredibly hard time getting motivated and I feel like if I could just get that, all my problems would disappear.
See 3.

5. Advice on reducing the parent’s anger? I really really really don’t want to not do marching band next year, but that’s one of the consequences being considered for this. I don’t know what to do to get my parents less angry and I feel as though removing marching band and other activities would just make things worse as I’d be even more reliant on the internet to fill my free time, which is bad. I don’t think they listened to me when I told them that though.
I don't precisely know how you interact and speak with your parents. I'd say try to behave as much to their liking. Though if it crosses your line too much, you definitely shouldn't.

6. Any other miscellaneous advice on how to get through this situation you picked up in your years you’ve been on the earth longer than me?
About to turn 25. Never really did what my parents wanted me to do. It's both a combination of age/era difference and personality difference. They are materialistic and conformistic, something I am not. What I learned is that, whatever you do, they will accept it as long as it is within the general borders that life accept. Most important rule of thumb here is that you make money. For the rest, parents can get over it I feel. They never agreed on my interests, my choices, my appearance or my environment. But now that they see I'm making money with the things I love, they're accepting it.

Just my two cents. Sorry for the chaotic ramble. 2:00 AM right here and have to get up early. Good luck pal.

 

[Windsong]

A lot of this resonated with me; I had similar issues as an early teen (albeit slightly younger than you are now), and it wasn't until the last two years of high school and freshman year of college that I really started to figure things out.

Bad habits build up over time. The actual content you learn in high school isn't super important; you go to classes that can generally be aced via rote memorization, and if you're kinda smart, submit assignments on time, and don't skip class too much you'll usually do pretty well. What you do get out of high school, however, are foundational skills: a good student will learn how to learn, manage time, study, handle pressure, and so on. You'll also form fundamental social skills--something many dudes who spend their lives online struggle with--and give yourself a strong platform to justify those currently irrelevant external affirmations that you're smart and responsible.

During my secondary school years I saw many kids slip through the cracks. These were smart and likable kids, but--just as you are now--were unwilling or simply did not have the capacity to put forth the effort to thrive. They'd go to school, sit in their classes without much focus, maybe turn in a half-assed assignment now and then, and then go home and play video games for eight hours before bed. A select few of these kids found themselves on solid footing after high school. Most of them didn't. Don't get caught in the notion that you'll suddenly be able to flip a switch and instantly "start caring" whenever you choose--the personal development that you're missing now will have an impact on your future, regardless of what route you take. Obsession with the future at the expense of the present will only close doors; focus on the now.

In this context, lying to your parents was simultaneously the best and worst thing you could've done. It's bad in that you've broken their trust in you, and it's not going to instantly repair itself. You'll face their doubt and anger--possibly for quite some time. On the flip side, maybe this is what'll get through to you. If you want to rebuild your relationship with them then you'll need to show true responsibility and self-reliance. Don't ask your parents to be lenient: demonstrate to them that you're prepared to act with personal agency.

Regarding procrastination: different things work for different people, but if you really want to break your habits you'll need to find a reason to care. It doesn't have to be intrinsic; it could be that you don't want to disappoint your parents, that you don't want to follow the route of the cousin you mentioned, or literally anything else. Hell, I mostly got my act together because I had a crush on the girl who ended up being valedictorian and didn't want her thinking I was an idiot.

My last piece of advice is to keep open as many avenues as possible. Even if you don't think college is for you (which can absolutely be the right move for some people), there's no reason to cut off the option simply over apathy. You're right on one thing: very little that you do in high school seriously matters. But if you take the time to develop the necessary skills for the future now, you'll be much better positioned in the years to come.

 

[Stallion]

This feels like I've gone into a time capsule 10 years back.

Naturally gifted, lazy, unmotivated, chronic procrastinator, do things last minute. All of these things were me too a tee in high school. They were me to a tee for a lot of college. But the older I got, the more motivated I got. Why? Life experience. As you grow up, your safety blanket starts to disappear and you realise that the world out there isn't gonna do you favours. In high school, sure, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. But in a professional environment? It could cost you a job or a promotion.

At 26, am I doing well for myself now? Reasonably. Could I be doing far better had I had the drive to take more opportunities that came my way? Yes, I could be doing far better.

It's fucking hard to find drive at 16 the same way I find it at 26. We have different motivators, different stages of our lives. So I can't tell you how to do it. But I'm telling you mate, if you can figure out the key to what makes you want to excel (everywhere, not just academically), you will have nothing to worry about in life.

 

[Gweebis]

I've been the same way for awhile, and I've been struggling to break myself out of it. To me, what seems to help is working with other people - if I waste my own time, it doesn't impact anyone else except me, but, if I waste other people's time, I'm impacting people with my own negligence. Because of that, I tend to be a lot more motivated in a group environment since I don't want to hinder other people or waste their time. I don't know if the same would work for you, but having a reason other than "I have to do it" can really help out with motivation.

 

[Stathakis]

some loosely-connected thoughts:

it's a good idea to find where ur procrastination comes from. for me, i think it comes from fear. fear of idk, discomfort, embarrassment, failure. i don't want to do the hard thing because i am afraid it's going to make me feel bad during/after doing it, especially if i don't do a good job. if i can remember that this is why i am procrastinating, it's often not that big of a leap to remember that the hard thing isn't actually that scary or bad. why don't you want to write your research paper? i'll be the first to admit it's hard to catch yourself in the act of procrastinating and break out this way, but sometimes it works.

instead of working against your nature, make things easy for yourself when you can. there are a lot of ways to do this, but one that has stuck with me is removing all decision-making/administrative work surrounding a hard task beforehand. for a high-schooler, maybe this means you schedule and organize your workflow sometime before it's time to sit down and do the work. maybe you have a pow-wow and brainstorm for your paper during a time you aren't writing it. if you are figuring out everything you need to do at the time you need to do it, it's a lot more daunting and you're less likely to even start. we all know how the feedback loop goes. on the other hand, if you sit down and plan it out at some other stage, knowing you're just going to plan it out, you're more likely to succeed at making your plan. then when the time comes to do the thing, you already have a plan and it's a lot less scary. this works especially well if you find yourself having random bursts of motivation at inopportune times but struggle to get going when you actually need to. big ups to the guy who suggested smaller intermediate goals. it's usually a lot less scary to complete an intermediate goal, so you're more likely to do it by its mini-deadline.

by no means do you have to be perfect, at any point in the process. a big factor in success is just consistently showing up and putting in an effort. it's better not to expect perfection, because then there's less pressure. trying and failing is a lot better than not trying, even if it results in people calling you smart a bit less often.

related to that last thought, your state now isn't your state forever. you can always grow and improve. one of the best ways to do that is by trying and failing. trying and succeeding is good too.

people who think and research about brains think that there's a limited amount of willpower / fucks you can give. spend them wisely.

finally every situation is different, but at a glance it sounds like your parents want you to succeed. work hard to be your best self and your relationship with them will probably work itself out in the process.

 

[Ada]

don't have time to go through this thread in depth, just briefly skimmed through it~

procrastination? guess I can help then (I can be considered an expert in this field :^)

the key word here is self-discipline - doing what ur supposed to be doing and not doing what ur not supposed to be doing, no matter how u may feel.

self-discipline goes hand in hand with time management - knowing what u want to do and when. but that is a more involved topic so we won't go into detail here.

u usually procrastinate because u find a task unpleasant. the solution? breaking it down into more manageable chunks or pieces (divide and conquer).
ex. u need to write an essay. u could break it down into research, planning, writing and editing. spend like a week or so doing research and gathering data (prolly the most important part). then, u could spend like 15 mins each day writing a paragraph for intro, middle, summary etc. making sure to leave enough time before deadline to make adjustments if necessary. 15 mins a day is much more palatable and easier to do (less likely to procrastinate).

this is just a general solution, for problems of a similar nature, that I've had much success with. hope it works for you too, gl!

 

[SOMALIA]

JUST...DO IT!