In a land far away from Kanto...
A mysteriously garbed man walked through the halls of a castle. This man was tall; about six foot seven, and looked very strange to the eye. His face was long and skinny; yet he was rather fat. He wore what looks to be a nightgown decorated with ornate jewelry and symbols that would perplex the average person. On a street, he would be laughed at for his awkward appearance and mannerisms, but where he stood, he commanded the respect of thousands, maybe millions, of men.
Two beautiful women flanked him as he walked down the main hall of his dark-bricked castle. After a minute of walking, the mysterious man approached a shorter, slimmer man dressed in similar clothing.
"How is the Project coming along?"
-----------------------
Twenty police cars are lined up outside the Fighting Dojo, each one occupied by the best members of the Cerulean Police Force that weren't captured by the Rockets during their takeover. The mission was simple: successfully escort a Trainer named Lolcat to Silph Co. Headquarters without alerting any Rockets. Every Policeman knew that failing this mission would kill both Lolcat and any chances of liberating Saffron City from Giovanni's rule.
Silph's headquarters is an eleven-story tower patrolled day and night by Team Rocket's elite. The building has one point of entrance, watched over by a single guard. Knowing that the entrance to Silph was poorly guarded, the plan was to deliver Lolcat to the base of the tower quietly, and then to have Lolcat overpower or evade the guard to enter the building.
In the dead of night, the Policemen rode across Silph's brick-paved roads, quietly approaching the foot of Silph Co.'s massive tower. As Lolcat thanked the Police and walked to the tower, the man who gave him the ride game him quick instructions:
"Don't make yourself known. If you do, kick some ass. Make sure nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell Giovanni that you're here. The goal's simple: get to the top of the tower, catch Gio off guard, and drag him six feet under. Understand?"
Lolcat nodded and the cop rode off. The glass-coated building looked more intimidating than ever. As he walked up to the huge glass doors, Lolcat heard a moaning noise and jumped a foot back.
"zzz...zzzzz..."
The guard was asleep. Perfect. Maybe there's a reason why these Grunts aren't trusted with anything better than Rattatas. The glass doors slid open with a quiet hum and Lolcat walked inside.
The building was unnaturally...blue. The floor was covered with blue tiles, the walls were coated with blue paint, and the centerpiece of the floor was a gigantic blue fountain blasting blue water into a pool. Blue couches were interspersed throughout the floor, and the only deviation from this color were the green plants that surrounded the perimeter of the floor. Surprisingly, not a single Rocket watched the floor, so Lolcat was free to explore the room without finding any trouble. In the very back of the floor were two means of moving up: a staircase and an elevator. Knowing that an elevator would likely contain a security camera, Lolcat walked up to the second floor.
The second floor was almost as blue as the first. Deciding to snoop around on the second floor before heading upward, Lolcat crept forward a few steps and,
"Hey, kid! What are you doing walking around here!"
It seems stealth is not our hero's strong point... Fortunately, Pokemon battling is. The Grunt's Zubat squad was no match for Snorlax. After the quick battle, Lolcat ordered Snorlax to grab the man and not to make a sound. A hostile conversation ensued:
"Okay, thug, you're gonna give me answers. Where's Giovanni?"
"He's on the top floor, I swear! Don't kill me!", pleaded the helpless Grunt.
"Great. How do I get there?"
"Um..uhh...y-you need a ca-Card Key. Then you can find him on the eleventh floor."
"Awesome. Give me yours and nobody gets hurt."
"Uh...s-sorry sir. I-I don't have a Card Key. Th-There's only like three or f-f-four of us that do, and...uh...I'm not one of them."
"Tch. Tell you what. You don't move a muscle from this spot until I leave this building. If someone finds out that I'm here, then heads are gonna roll. Get it?"
Lolcat didn't need an answer. He moved on, thrashing Rockets and Scientists until he ran into one Rocket Grunt in particular. The Grunt sent out a Cubone to contend with Hitmonlee. The Karate King was correct about Hitmonlee's defensive issues when he fell to a single Bonemerang. Snorlax avenged him, but losing that kind of Fighting-type coverage stung. Magnemites and Magnetons were going to be more problematic.
The floor was pretty sealed off as most doors required a Card Key to advance, so Lolcat decided to try out one of the white floor panels. Silph Co.'s latest innovation is the Warp Panel, a floor tile that if stepped on will warp the occupant to another panel located nearby. Though Lolcat might not know to where each panel leads, the white panels definitely ease travel.
After warping to the other panel in the blue building, Lolcat turned 360 degrees and spotted a sign that reads: "Silph Co. Head Office- Floor 8". After trying out a few more warp panels, Lolcat found himself on floor number three. Though Lolcat kept dropping Rocket Grunts, none of them possessed the elusive Card Key.
After failing to find one on floors three and four, he ran into a Rocket Grunt on floor five. This Grunt was different than the others, as he possessed a powerful Pokemon. His Level 33 Arbok came face to face with Snorlax, and though Arbok was able to whittle the sleeping giant to low health, the cobra was helpless when Snorlax recovered with Rest. After a short war of attrition, the Arbok fainted and Lolcat questioned the Grunt.
"So, you seem a little tougher than your pushover friends. Cough up the Card Key."
A bead of sweat dropped down the black-cloaked Grunt's face. "Um, only a few of us have Card Keys. If you want to get one, you'll need to find one of them."
Lolcat spoke again. "Look, asshole. We both know you have a Key. You're the first Rocket Grunt in the past decade not to have a Zubat or Rattata, that means they probably trust you. Hand it over."
Knowing his ruse had been beaten, the man handed over a small object that looked like a credit card. All that was left was finding the route to Giovanni's office. Now that Lolcat had a Card Key in hand, he quickly traversed floors, opening doors as he passed by. There was no area in Silph Co. that Lolcat couldn't reach, and he even found a small infirmary run by some of the imprisoned Silph Co. employees.
Eventually, Lolcat stepped on the right panel, since he was taken to the seventh floor and read a sign saying "Giovanni's Office ahead." Knowing that this was the place, Lolcat took a deep breath, strode up the stairs, and...
"Hey, Lolcat. You ready to lose to the World's Greatest Trainer?!"
The upbeat, condescending voice hit Lolcat's ears like a bombshell. There was only one person that condescending that Lolcat had ever seen, and he's appearing at the worst possible time. Turning around, Lolcat saw a short, peppy douchebag who began to speak.
"Hey, you still lagging back here? Yeah, I saw you enter Saffron and wanted to get some easy EXP, so I though killing all your Pokemon would be a good idea! Go, Pidgeot!"
Not getting a chance to talk any trash, Lolcat drew a Pokeball from his belt and released a sleeping mammoth, Snorlax. The bird was level 37, one level higher than Lolcat's Snorlax. The levels don't matter when it comes to who moves first, as no Snorlax will outspeed a Pidgeot as long as it lives. The match started with a Wing Attack from Blue's bird, which barely fazed Snorlax before it retaliated with a Body Slam. After Snorlax bounced off the Pidgeot, the weakened bird wasn't able to recover fully.
As the paralyzed bird struggled to attack, Snorlax seized the opportunity and finished off Pidgeot before it could strike again.
"Ugh, you lucky loser! You're going to need a lot more than luck to beat my Gyarados! Get'm, Gyara!"
The titanic sea serpent stared Snorlax down, and Lolcat's Pokemon couldn't help feeling a little scared to attack. Since Gyarados's Intimidation might be a problem, Lolcat pulled the sleeping giant and sent out Vileplume. After realizing that Gyara can't break Vileplume, Blue withdrew the sea serpent and sent out Growlithe. Lolcat expertly predicted this move, as Vileplume shrouded Growlithe's Pokeball with a cloud of spores. When the puppy finally jumped out of the ball, it breathed in a cloud of pollen and fell asleep.
"GRAAAA! Dammit Lolcat you lucky shit! Stop predicting my moves and fight like a fucking MAN!"
As Blue was having his temper tantrum, Lolcat recalled Plume and sent out Graveler, who dispatched the little dog with a Magnitude. Blue decided to stop with the fail and sent out his toughest Pokemon, his Venusaur. Lolcat was prepared for this move as well. As soon as Venusaur came out of its Pokeball, Lolcat threw out Fearow's Pokeball, absorbing a weak Razor Leaf on the switch. Fearow then lowered his beak and charged the monster plant, spinning her beak like a corkscrew. Venusaur couldn't stand up to the attack and folded.
Gyarados returned to the field for a rematch against Vileplume, and Lolcat was more than happy to oblige. Gyarados unleashed its Dragon Rage attack, but Vileplume kept draining Gyarados's health and defeated it soundly. Blue was down to only one Pokemon, but it was one that made Lolcat quiver.
The Pokemon residing in Blue's final Ball was the spoon-wielding Alakazam. This Pokemon is known and feared for its titanic Special Attack, and Lolcat's current Pokemon was a red health Vileplume. Hoping that Snorlax could take two attacks, Lolcat called upon his sleeping "beauty" and watched Alakazam close his eyes. When the Psi Pokemon opened his eyes again, they were seething red. A smirk appeared on both Alakazam's and his master's faces, and Lolcat knew what happened. A Future Sight attack was coming Lolcat's way, giving him two turns to act.
Anticlimactically, Body Slam killed it in one hit. LOL
Blue began another tantrum after losing to Lolcat for the fifth time.
"Arceus dammit, Lolcat! Why can't I beat a scrub when I'm the World's Greatest Trainer??!? I've been better than you my whole life, and now I can't win a game! It...it must be a slump! Yeah, that's it, a slump! Every great player has a slump every so often, so call yourself lucky that you won!"
The delirious Blue stormed out of the building, and probably got kidnapped by some Rocket Grunts since he had no Pokemon to fend them off. A man approached Lolcat from behind some of the crates in the room. This man was trembling all over and looked if he had seen a Gastly. Or a douchebag. The man eked out a few words:
"Um...Y-You se-e-em like a n-n-nice g-guy... Uh, a-are you a Rocket?"
"No," Said Lolcat, "I'm here to take out Giovanni and safe Saffron."
The man became calm, maybe because nervous people are hard to write dialogue for. "Phew. I was the assistant of the President of Silph Co. before the takeover. I've been hiding here for weeks in a room over there. No Rocket ever found me. I had to raid their food and water for about a month, but nobody ever found me. I have this one Pokemon with me, but I think he'd be better with you. It's a Lapras."
"Are you sure? Lapras is pretty rare, and you're just going to give me this?"
"Well, if you save Saffron from Giovanni, then you deserve more than just my Lapras. Plus, it's a Water type and Giovanni is a Ground type Trainer. You'll have the advantage."
Lolcat accepted the Lapras and thanked the man. He pulled out the Rare Candies that Meowth has been Picking Up and fed them to the new Pokemon. After a bit of grinding, it was time to battle the leader of Team Rocket. Lapras was also involved in two near-kill critical hits. Scary.
Back on the eleventh floor, Lolcat peered into the President's office. Inside, the President was talking to Giovanni, most likely for a deal that would decide the fate of Saffron City. No guards were present inside the room, presumably because Giovanni never expected for anyone to make it to his office. Lolcat picked up the Card Key, slid it into the slot on the iron door, and watched as the door retracted into the walls. Giovanni noticed immediately and stepped back in shock.
"YOU!", the enraged executive yelled, "I KNEW you'd come here to fuck up my plan, but I'll have NONE of it! You want to play the hero, don't you? You want to be the guy who saves Saffron City from my beautiful rule? WELL THE ANSWER IS NO! You will DIE by my hand, and then I shall be the KING of Kanto!"
Before Lolcat could retort, Giovanni threw a PokeBall out and a two foot tall, thorny purple monster emerged. Nidorino wasn't a tough customer, and he was only one level above Lapras, so Lolcat threw out the newcomer's PokeBall and began the battle.
The first move was Nidorino's, who thrusts his horn right into Lapras's shell. Lapras shrugged off the minor damage and blasted a wall of water at the monster. Angry at the powerful attack, Nidorino began a Fury Attack at Lapras, who dodged it easily. To finish off the Pokemon, Lapras shot a beam of ice from its mouth and knocked it out cold LOL ICE BEAM PUN I R SO FUNNY.
His second Pokemon was a Rhyhorn. lol
His third Pokemon was a Nidoqueen. Nidoqueen's tall, imposing figure was intimidating, but Lapras knew that she had the upper hand. Nidoqueen led the battle with her feet, striking Lapras with two kicks. Lapras retaliated with an Ice Beam, which Nidoqueen shrugged off. A Tail Whip attack placed Lapras in KO range from a Double Kick, but Lolcat ordered an Ice Beam to finish off the Nidoqueen.
Though Nidoqueen folded over, Giovanni yelled at his monster: "Listen to me Nidoqueen! You will get the FUCK up and kick this meddler to kingdom fucking come!"
Nidoqueen responded to Giovanni's command, placing her arms on the blue-tiled floor and pushing back up to her feet. Lolcat saw this, and quickly withdrew Lapras for Vileplume. Vileplume was struck with a Body Slam on the switch and took a second Slam, paralyzing her. Nidoqueen fell before Giovanni and the boss took out his fourth and final Pokeball.
Lolcat had seen this one before; he beat it during the battle in Celadon Game Corner. Kangaskhan stood at a lightweight level 35, and couldn't breach Graveler's defenses. I would give a description, but this story is already plenty long. Imagine a 20 power Normal attack hitting a higher-level Graveler. Giovanni was then remaned GGiovanni OH BURN SUCK IT ROCKET (BAN ME PLEASE) I AM NUMBAR WUN!
Giovanni then launched himself at Lolcat, hoping to take him down with his fists. Graveler subdued him and Lolcat phoned the Police. Saffron City was safe.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time on DetroitLolcat's FireRed Nuzlocke Challenge!
Lolcat battles for his sixth badge!
Hitmonlee died in this chapter, will we see another death in the unlucky Chapter 13? I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PLAYED IT YET!