Online deaths

[Mountain Dewgong]

No, I'm not talking about your MMORGS or various ragequats, I'm talking about the possibility of an online friend, a forum member, or IRC pal whom has died.

Surely with a large community such as ours, even though relatively young, with numbers growing closer to 50k statistically there must be deaths? And if there was, how would we know? It would be tough to tell the difference between an inexplicable absence and a death without actually being in contact with said person IRL or through text, phone or facebook to a lesser extent.

It's a kinda haunting thought; chances are that these people that you consider friends wouldn't know if you had died and their online 'life' would continue on as normal, nothing but a 'oh wow x-user hasn't posted in a while' 'oh he must be swamped with uni or something'.

Have any of you smogonites had any experiences with death of an online friend, any perspectives or stories to share?


Edit:

can this thread not turn into a suicide pissing contest please i really liked the subject matter...

'

 

[chocolate-kipp]

I've actually thought about things like this several times, and it still confuses me that you can never actually tell.

I've never had any online friends die, but I've had multiple who've attempted suicide (that or they just wanted attention). Talking one of them out of it was horrible, I'm pretty sure I was crying more than they were. O_o I remember when there was this random YouTube user, they seemed pretty cool so I went to their channel to see a comment saying "this is this user's mom, he died in a car crash so don't expect anything from here". Didn't know him but it was pretty sad.

 

[Gabe]

I've had suicidal thoughts multiple times in my life, I do wonder how weird that would be for me to kill myself and my web friends never know.

 

[Duckster]

I usually only lurk here, but I feel like I have some important insight on the subject.

Regarding personal experiences: I actually did have a buddy pass away over on another forum, and even though we hadn't talked for a good six months, nor did he even post much at that point, I remember getting choked up and even shedding a tear or two. We didn't actually find out until one of our inner circle lurked his FaceBook 5 or 6 months after the fact...

He was a smogoner as well, and may or may not have been a badge holder at one point: http://www.smogon.com/forums/member.php?u=3498

If you're close with someone, I highly recommend that you get their FaceBook. I have plenty of really good friends that I've only ever met online, and even though we don't talk much these days I still have tons of great memories playing on NetBattle and whatnot, over the course of a good 3 and a half years. In a way they helped me through a period of depression.

On that note, RIP Judgement.

 

[mtr]

I remember reading a joke about various pro-suicide "forums" that say that you never know if someone went inactive or they actually killed themselves.

I've had suicidal thoughts quite a few times in my life, but yeah it would be weird if someone on smogon died.

 

[Navy]

I like meeting new people, whether is over an Online game, Facebook, or irl. I always like meeting new people and learning new things from them. And i'm that type of guy who gets along with a lot of people in a short period of time. I've been around Smogon for only about 6-7 months, and the rep i have gained and respect it's something i wouldn't take for granted. I'm very pleased on how Smogon has acted towards me since i got here (Maybe a few arguments with certain users, but we move on)

I actually thought about this a few times. Because you never know what might happen Tomorrow, next thing you know. One of us can be dead (Lord be with us). But that's how it is. And i care a lot for people, as long as they there for me, believe me. I'm gonna be there for them to. If i was to find out one of our users pass'd away, and if i was close to that person or had a few convo's with that person. Their is a big chance i'll actually tear for that person. I'm not really a sensitive person, but shit hits you for a minute and you look back to things and you get paralyzed and pensive for a while.

I've had a few irl people that i knew, but wasn't really closed to them, that passed away. And i actually cried. Because i was around them for a good amount of time (Even though i didn't really associate with that person) I knew who he/she were.

 

[LonelyNess]

I assume that caelum died.

 

[Gabe]

My best friend died when we were both 14. Ever since I've never been able to have another close friend. I don't really believe in God or heaven anymore even though I wish I could. I would really love the chance to see him again. He was killed by a train, and that was the last day I ever saw him. His family didn't allow me to attend his funeral or mass. I never got to say good-bye....


I'm not being exactly clear and concise but you really should value your friends. Because friends are really what help you get through life sometimes. And I realize that this sounds very dull and cheesy but I don't really know how else I should word it. Love your friends.

 

[Eraddd]

I'm thankful that in my life, no one close has passed away. The closest I've had, was a father of one of my good friend, two summers ago.

And even if some of my friends I have met online, I value them as highly just as I would value a friend that I met in real life. I remember back in Middle School, being friendless, and now at university, having great friends everywhere. I could never take that for granted, and thus, will always cherish each friend.

 

[Athenodoros]

His family didn't allow me to attend his funeral or mass. I never got to say good-bye....

God that's rough. His family must have been really tough. When we have people at my school die, anyone from the school is generally allowed to come to the funeral, regardless of how well they knew him.

And I've always thought that it is sad that if, for instance, I died, then no one on Smogon would ever know that I had. I'll say now that I'd always say that I was going, just to make sure :)

EDIT: I have never seen the words "Have a nice day" in a less appropriate context than below.

 

[Hipmonlee]

On that note, RIP Judgement.

Wow I had no idea..

Judgement wasnt someone I knew particularly well, but this was a bit of a shock. What happened?

Have a nice day.

 

[Firestorm]

I usually only lurk here, but I feel like I have some important insight on the subject.

Regarding personal experiences: I actually did have a buddy pass away over on another forum, and even though we hadn't talked for a good six months, nor did he even post much at that point, I remember getting choked up and even shedding a tear or two. We didn't actually find out until one of our inner circle lurked his FaceBook 5 or 6 months after the fact...

He was a smogoner as well, and may or may not have been a badge holder at one point: http://www.smogon.com/forums/member.php?u=3498

If you're close with someone, I highly recommend that you get their FaceBook. I have plenty of really good friends that I've only ever met online, and even though we don't talk much these days I still have tons of great memories playing on NetBattle and whatnot, over the course of a good 3 and a half years. In a way they helped me through a period of depression.

On that note, RIP Judgement.

Wait what. Like Hipmonlee said, I didn't know him that well but definitely recognize the username. What happened? =( Was he JUDGEMENT0 or something on NSider?

If I died, most of the people I'd want to know are on my Facebook or would find out from the ones who are on my Facebook list.

 

[Stallion]

I usually only lurk here, but I feel like I have some important insight on the subject.

Regarding personal experiences: I actually did have a buddy pass away over on another forum, and even though we hadn't talked for a good six months, nor did he even post much at that point, I remember getting choked up and even shedding a tear or two. We didn't actually find out until one of our inner circle lurked his FaceBook 5 or 6 months after the fact...

He was a smogoner as well, and may or may not have been a badge holder at one point: http://www.smogon.com/forums/member.php?u=3498

If you're close with someone, I highly recommend that you get their FaceBook. I have plenty of really good friends that I've only ever met online, and even though we don't talk much these days I still have tons of great memories playing on NetBattle and whatnot, over the course of a good 3 and a half years. In a way they helped me through a period of depression.

On that note, RIP Judgement.

You're kidding :/ wow I did not know this...we got on pretty well back in the day! RIP.

 

[monkfish]

wow i had no idea either, i used to chat about adv UU with him back in the day :( what happened?

 

[alamaster]

Wow really? I used to be buds with Judgement, but we fell out of touch when I left :( We used to talk about music and adv all the time, he was a good dude. RIP bud.

 

[AvatarST]

I can't believe this either, I remember seeing him around a lot and chatting with him a couple of times...

 

[Chubbs]

Wow. I used to lurk for a while and I recognise the name. RIP.

 

[cim]

I was assigned Judgement as a tutor back in the day when Aeolus still did that, and he inexplicably never logged onto Smogon again right before. That's a bit of a jolt to hear.

I've always wondered if some users died. I wonder if that's what happened to caelum. The big pivot point for him seemed to be when he didn't show up in New York. What if he was too sick to go? What if Smogon was the last thing he had? Of course, saying that he's going to show up and tell us all we're full of shit, haha.

Medical history and proximity to death aren't exactly easy things to bring up here. I mean, you can't exactly make a self-pity thread saying "hey guys, i've got cancer lulz"... How would we ever know?

 

[cookie]

o_O

i'm sure if i died between my phone, smogon and my facebook profile all the relevant people would find out

 

[Miscellaneous]

Online deaths is certainly one of the complications that the anonymous nature of the internet brings upon itself. Unfortunately, it's often hard to be certain of anything, some users just decide not to come back, most would not get the chance to tell anyone unless they were close enough to be facebook friends. For that reason, unless you are close enough, if someone (for example caelum) just randomly disappears, you have to assume he just doesn't have the time, perhaps forgot about Smogon or lost interest, or whatever. It's a very pessimistic and depressing outlook to say that everyone you haven't heard from is dead. Normally, word of mouth will spread to you if something unfortunate does happen.

I have known a few old friends who have died, and internet associates. Although I felt terrible every time I heard, it wasn't as bad as someone I knew at the time dying. Unless you're very close, I almost felt they had gone out of my life a long time ago, or were never really a major part of it. For example, I heard on facebook one of my old school mates died, and I felt sick. But looking back, we had some laughs and we hadn't spoken in 4 years, so from a selfish perspective, he was sort of already dead to me. Though I'm not saying any death is insignificant, but definitely an online associate's death would not be as heartbreaking as a family member's, or a current friend. That's where the difference comes.

I'd also like to add that many sick or dying people do not want sympathy or friendship because they are suffering. They often don't want anything to affect their life other than themselves, and I hold a great respect for that. You should be liked, loved or hated depending on who you are as a person, and what you control and decide to do, not what you don’t. If someone on smogon or IRC had cancer or another fatal disease, I doubt they would want you to know. It's analogous to how I know that if I died, I wouldn't want people to be very upset. I'd want to be missed, but I would never want to make someone else's life worse. I'd want them to go on. Even in my grave, I'd feel bad about online friends being burdened/ upset with my death. So from that perspective, I rarely take things on the internet at more than face value. I wouldn’t say human curiosity and compassion is a flaw, but it’s important to use logic to put situations and incidents into perspective.

Sorry if I came across as an ass, here. I won’t pretend I ever knew of Judgement, but it’s always sad to hear news as such.

i'm sure if i died between my phone, smogon and my facebook profile all the relevant people would find out

Quick question to anyone: excluding "real life" people, would you really want people to know of your death?

For example, if you passed away and a few people on smogon found out, would you want there to be a thread/ group/ annoncment made about it?

Personally, I wouldn't want that, but i'd be curious to hear other opinions.

 

[Fishy]

Personally, I would want smogon to know if I died. Maybe not a thread or some huge announcement, but because I am friends with a great deal of smogoners, a thread might be easiest. The relationships I make here, I hold very dear to me, as you're all as relevant to my life as any friend actually within a reasonable mile radius as I am. I certainly wouldn't want people to think I had just drifted away from the community. I would just prefer that everyone knows the truth.

It's funny to think of all the people you know from smogon or any other online community now, and thinking about where you will stand with one another ten, twenty years from now. Personally, I will invite smogoners to my wedding! I just love making new friends and ties, and they are wrapped up in my life as much as anyone can be.

 

[Toothache]

This reminds me of when I was a regular member of the GamingW forums, and one of the friends I'd made there and on the IRC channel passed away. Bit of a shock to me, still think about them from time to time.

 

[Duckster]

For everyone asking about Judgement: http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2009/may/19/teen-who-died-collier-hike-be-named-eagle-scout-po/

He passed away from a heatstroke in May 2009. He was in fact the same dude who was a "sage" on the official Nintendo forums back in the day. It's pretty eerie to lurk his FaceBook comments, apparently he was going places in life.

This is a thread where some of his closer friends found out what happened to him: http://battlefrontier.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=1561
May or may not be interesting, don't remember if anymore details were posted.

Sorry for not posting this sooner, none of us were too sure whether a thread on the dude would be relevant here or even in good taste.

 

[Laundry]

A friend I knew on the internet died a few months ago of combined opiate/benzo toxicity. He told everybody on IRC one day that he was going out to pick some stuff up and he never showed up again. After about two days people pretty much figured he was dead because he wasn't answering his phone and he hadn't showed up. I am not sure if they found out that he was dead by calling his mother, or if they found his obituary online. I was pretty upset by his death even though I only knew him via IRC.

Another person I knew (of) on the internet died. He was loosely associated with some of my other online friends, and was part of their "crew" for only a short period, and then he disappeared. Nobody really thought much of it. A few years later, one of my friends who knew him tried tracking him down out of curiosity, found out he had died in his sleep due to complications from I believe hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It was a pretty big shock to them because nobody knew about it for years, and nobody knew he had a heart condition.

So really what happens depends on the situation. If people are worried enough about your health/life due to the circumstances surrounding you, and you are close enough for them to have your real name/phone number/Facebook, people will most likely seek you out if they suspect that you really are dead, or enough time has passed that they finally get curious enough. If I were to die people would most likely find out because they have enough of my personal information and would find it weird if I did not show up at all on the internet for an extended period. I know a friend of mine actually has a system in place that will notify most of his online friends that he's dead and take care of other things like giving out his passwords/servers/recordings/etc. (There was an article about it on NPR actually http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2009/06/dead_mans_switch.html)

 

[VKCA]

Has anybody heard anything about akuchi? Since she's had it pretty rough in the past, and last time she was on the forums she was pretty hard into stims... Do people have her on facebook/has she been active there?