After too many days of hard work, I have finished this very unserious post (and yes, I am very slow and I am aware we have already reached round 2 so I apologize for being late). Here you can find my incredibly advanced guide where I list my the strategies I have planned to defeat ALL the players who are competing in this edition of Rands Slam Playoffs. Needless to say, this post is just for fun and not to be taken seriously, I don't want to throw shade at anyone ^^
Without further ado, let's move to the guide!
(1) soTsoT > make him play Battle Factory and roll Gyro + Iron Ball Aegislash once again
(2) Trade > this is quite easy. In fact, I already defeated Trade in the Doubles Open thanks to a masterful display of skill thanks to the good old auth button™
(Note: this was written before Trade's series so I swear these words are not to add insult to injury lol)
(3) MichaelderBeste2 > it's not hard to meme about Michael but when I asked myself what I should pick for this, the answer wasn't immediate.
However, on Michael's Twitch channel, I think a guy who got enough points asked him to work out and at the end he was in indescribable pain. I do have a Twitch account so it's time to play the long game
In the picture above, a man who is quickly realizing he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life
Link to the vod (You are welcome for the views Michael)
(4) sunsets > sunsets has the reputation of being a very good player in the community. Ask them how the last rbtt went and you'll see their confidence be shattered into multiple pieces. In other words:
(5) Amaranth > Amaranth is one of the most versatile players in playoffs and he has seen and done everything on this website. He fears no men, except for...
(Note #2: just like for Trade, this part was written before the series vs Drifting so Ama please don't kill me and don't boot me out of team Italy next year D:)
(6) snorlax142857 > you like math, eh? You like making advanced calcs and predictions for rand events from time to time, don't you? Well, guess what??? I AM A GENETIC FREAK AND I ONLY FOLLOW STEINER'S MATH!!!
(7) teresbahji > POV: your opponent asks you to wait 10 minutes between games
(8) JustOut459 > Step 1: start a battle with Justin
Step 2: click on "battle options" in the top right corner of the battle chat
Step 3: go to "All Battles" and click on "Automatically start timer"
Step 4: Profit
(9) Nuage > the strategy is very simple: approach MGN and ask them to play some battles in the formats picked for the series, without specifying it's for Slam. Win the series taking advantage of MGN's more relaxed mindset and submit the replays that prove the win. Gg ez, right PokeChess?
The fraud hosts still won't accept my win? Fine, I'll have to play again and I'll invite...HIM
(10) drifttrick > he is a college student living in Midwest, I think he is suffering enough
(11) Casual dot exe > he played himself for picking gen 7 BSSF after being a quarterfinalist in the gen 9 BSSF Open, so we are good here
(12) Lady Writer > it's almost time for No Nut November >:)
(13) HaunterBoy28 > another Bug Hunter joke would be low hanging fruit, so I plan to win by using the power of love. I'll help the Irishman find the girl of his dreams (maybe by making him download Tinder or by arranging a fake appointment, idk). This way, he'll finally have a different type of feminine energy in his life
(14) IcyPenguin2 > go to bed late so he will lose focus on the match just to spam that you need to respect sleepy time. I'll kick his ass and send him to zzz instead :p
(15) Emboar02 > Emboar is a die hard MLB and Dodgers fan and she set her priority straight, as you can see from the screenshots attached here. Playing our series at the same the Dodgers have their matches (World Series finals are ongoing) will maximize my chances to catch her less focused on the way more important match for Rands Slam Playoffs
Bonus: you can see the impact of 27 years of life on my memory down below
(16) pokeblade101 > "Hey Blade, when do you want to play for Slam? I can't play on weekends"
(17) John Dozo > I'll gift his girlfriend a Tatsugiri costume to create a very powerful source of distraction.
(On a side note, you know what's really weird? I googled "Tatsugiri costume" and I didn't find anything except for a girl on TikTok, which is unexpected given that there are pokemon costumes for everything. At least the Pokemon Center has an outfit with Tatsu so I'll show it
(18) Sylveon used calm mind > initially, I thought about taking it in a threatening way, but then I realized we are talking about Sylv so sending him Dolliv pics every minute will be enough to make him forget the scheduled match (or make him timeout if we are in battle). Let me show you the evidence:
"Daily Dolliv"
Now we just wait for Sylv to pop out in the comments, attracted by Dolliv like a moth to a flame
(19) Panty&Stockings > shortly after starting our series, I will file a help ticket to report the offensive username "Panty&Stockings" so that global staff can see the evidence I have gathered and force them to namechange. By doing that in battle, I will win at least one match by default. "But Fran, how is a nickname like Panty&Stockings offensive?". This is an extract of what I found on Wikipedia about the eponymous anime and I'll let you guys judge:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???
Pinging mdill97 since this is his favorite nickname so it's time for me to open his eyes
(20) jyusaan > jyusaan means "umbrella" in cantonese, so my strategy here is either to play when it's sunny outside or to traumatize him with the classic video of Tom Holland lip-syncing Rihanna
(21) Chains of Markov > I just watched a tutorial of 15 years ago and I am now ready to break any kind of chains!
(22) Micaiah > the Fire Emblem fandom will probably give me the answers that I am looking for to find the appropriate countermeasures. Alternatively, if we look at the custom avatar, I'll have to watch the entirety of Inuyasha to find their weaknesses
(23) Vitoran > this is actually the last one I am writing woooo. We are good friends so I could use many many things against him. Too many...
So I decided to be lazy and directly ask how to beat him
Very good strategy, I have to admit. Given that I befriended this man after haxing him on the gen 8 ladder, it's only fair I do it again on the bigger stage :D
(24) satvik123 > !rfaq salt clearly states we don't want any kind of salt in the room and, by extension, in the community, so he should be banned from Rands Playoffs
(25) Michielleus > my nickname doesn't start with a letter
(26) MasterJ007 > y'all know what's coming
(28) Drifting > I am ready to blackmail him with the screenshots from the deranged LC server in order to save humanity from that content and snag a good W
(29) Slikkles > click down here if you are Slikkles or if you want to go down the rabbit hole
(30) Wigglytuff > "Hola Wiggly, soy Fran (como el Papa, o algo así). Soy GMT +1 (hora de Madrid, como referencia) y jugaremos los playoffs de Rand Slam! Qué día y hora te sirve mas? Espero que tengamos un gran enfrentamiento, especialmente porque invitaré a mis grandes amigos de la sala Hispano a presenciarlo"
Win via meltdown
Thx Irpa for the translation!
(31) Failbor > see the above comment but reversed. I am going to recruit Wiggly to be my loudest and unsufferable cheerleader
(32) JJ09LIE > JJ is a teenager who likes anime and anime girls too much, so the Internet provides an endless mine of content to distract him
And that's it from me! I hope this post made you smile or laugh a bit because that's the most important thing here. Last but not least, glhf to all the players who are left in round 2 of playoffs!
Without further ado, let's move to the guide!
(1) soTsoT > make him play Battle Factory and roll Gyro + Iron Ball Aegislash once again
(2) Trade > this is quite easy. In fact, I already defeated Trade in the Doubles Open thanks to a masterful display of skill thanks to the good old auth button™
(Note: this was written before Trade's series so I swear these words are not to add insult to injury lol)
(3) MichaelderBeste2 > it's not hard to meme about Michael but when I asked myself what I should pick for this, the answer wasn't immediate.
However, on Michael's Twitch channel, I think a guy who got enough points asked him to work out and at the end he was in indescribable pain. I do have a Twitch account so it's time to play the long game
In the picture above, a man who is quickly realizing he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life
Link to the vod (You are welcome for the views Michael)
(4) sunsets > sunsets has the reputation of being a very good player in the community. Ask them how the last rbtt went and you'll see their confidence be shattered into multiple pieces. In other words:
(5) Amaranth > Amaranth is one of the most versatile players in playoffs and he has seen and done everything on this website. He fears no men, except for...
(Note #2: just like for Trade, this part was written before the series vs Drifting so Ama please don't kill me and don't boot me out of team Italy next year D:)
(6) snorlax142857 > you like math, eh? You like making advanced calcs and predictions for rand events from time to time, don't you? Well, guess what??? I AM A GENETIC FREAK AND I ONLY FOLLOW STEINER'S MATH!!!
(7) teresbahji > POV: your opponent asks you to wait 10 minutes between games
(8) JustOut459 > Step 1: start a battle with Justin
Step 2: click on "battle options" in the top right corner of the battle chat
Step 3: go to "All Battles" and click on "Automatically start timer"
Step 4: Profit
(9) Nuage > the strategy is very simple: approach MGN and ask them to play some battles in the formats picked for the series, without specifying it's for Slam. Win the series taking advantage of MGN's more relaxed mindset and submit the replays that prove the win. Gg ez, right PokeChess?
The fraud hosts still won't accept my win? Fine, I'll have to play again and I'll invite...HIM
(10) drifttrick > he is a college student living in Midwest, I think he is suffering enough
(11) Casual dot exe > he played himself for picking gen 7 BSSF after being a quarterfinalist in the gen 9 BSSF Open, so we are good here
(12) Lady Writer > it's almost time for No Nut November >:)
(13) HaunterBoy28 > another Bug Hunter joke would be low hanging fruit, so I plan to win by using the power of love. I'll help the Irishman find the girl of his dreams (maybe by making him download Tinder or by arranging a fake appointment, idk). This way, he'll finally have a different type of feminine energy in his life
(14) IcyPenguin2 > go to bed late so he will lose focus on the match just to spam that you need to respect sleepy time. I'll kick his ass and send him to zzz instead :p
(15) Emboar02 > Emboar is a die hard MLB and Dodgers fan and she set her priority straight, as you can see from the screenshots attached here. Playing our series at the same the Dodgers have their matches (World Series finals are ongoing) will maximize my chances to catch her less focused on the way more important match for Rands Slam Playoffs
Bonus: you can see the impact of 27 years of life on my memory down below
(16) pokeblade101 > "Hey Blade, when do you want to play for Slam? I can't play on weekends"
(17) John Dozo > I'll gift his girlfriend a Tatsugiri costume to create a very powerful source of distraction.
(On a side note, you know what's really weird? I googled "Tatsugiri costume" and I didn't find anything except for a girl on TikTok, which is unexpected given that there are pokemon costumes for everything. At least the Pokemon Center has an outfit with Tatsu so I'll show it
(18) Sylveon used calm mind > initially, I thought about taking it in a threatening way, but then I realized we are talking about Sylv so sending him Dolliv pics every minute will be enough to make him forget the scheduled match (or make him timeout if we are in battle). Let me show you the evidence:
"Daily Dolliv"
Now we just wait for Sylv to pop out in the comments, attracted by Dolliv like a moth to a flame
(19) Panty&Stockings > shortly after starting our series, I will file a help ticket to report the offensive username "Panty&Stockings" so that global staff can see the evidence I have gathered and force them to namechange. By doing that in battle, I will win at least one match by default. "But Fran, how is a nickname like Panty&Stockings offensive?". This is an extract of what I found on Wikipedia about the eponymous anime and I'll let you guys judge:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???
Pinging mdill97 since this is his favorite nickname so it's time for me to open his eyes
(20) jyusaan > jyusaan means "umbrella" in cantonese, so my strategy here is either to play when it's sunny outside or to traumatize him with the classic video of Tom Holland lip-syncing Rihanna
(21) Chains of Markov > I just watched a tutorial of 15 years ago and I am now ready to break any kind of chains!
(22) Micaiah > the Fire Emblem fandom will probably give me the answers that I am looking for to find the appropriate countermeasures. Alternatively, if we look at the custom avatar, I'll have to watch the entirety of Inuyasha to find their weaknesses
(23) Vitoran > this is actually the last one I am writing woooo. We are good friends so I could use many many things against him. Too many...
So I decided to be lazy and directly ask how to beat him
Very good strategy, I have to admit. Given that I befriended this man after haxing him on the gen 8 ladder, it's only fair I do it again on the bigger stage :D
(24) satvik123 > !rfaq salt clearly states we don't want any kind of salt in the room and, by extension, in the community, so he should be banned from Rands Playoffs
(25) Michielleus > my nickname doesn't start with a letter
(26) MasterJ007 > y'all know what's coming
(28) Drifting > I am ready to blackmail him with the screenshots from the deranged LC server in order to save humanity from that content and snag a good W
(29) Slikkles > click down here if you are Slikkles or if you want to go down the rabbit hole
It will always judge you
(30) Wigglytuff > "Hola Wiggly, soy Fran (como el Papa, o algo así). Soy GMT +1 (hora de Madrid, como referencia) y jugaremos los playoffs de Rand Slam! Qué día y hora te sirve mas? Espero que tengamos un gran enfrentamiento, especialmente porque invitaré a mis grandes amigos de la sala Hispano a presenciarlo"
Win via meltdown
Thx Irpa for the translation!
(31) Failbor > see the above comment but reversed. I am going to recruit Wiggly to be my loudest and unsufferable cheerleader
(32) JJ09LIE > JJ is a teenager who likes anime and anime girls too much, so the Internet provides an endless mine of content to distract him
And that's it from me! I hope this post made you smile or laugh a bit because that's the most important thing here. Last but not least, glhf to all the players who are left in round 2 of playoffs!
