Serious Rejection because of your Race, sexuality, etc.: Is it okay?

Mimas

Everything is better with a unicorn.
is a Pre-Contributor
For a long time ago I followed this reasoning, I have always felt more attraction for black boys than whites generally, taking into consideration all the biological aspects. Nowadays I can say that it would not be an aggression or prejudice against the person itself, but an insult to his feelings. Think about how sad would be if you wanted to invest in a relationship with a person that you really like and you are changed because of things that you can not change, such as color skin or height.

It is important that we take care with the feelings of another people so that we can not hurt just by our preferences, what happened to me recently: I am a boy who carries a masculinity, but I am quite feminine in general, and I was meeting a boy which is also very feminine, so I decided that his personality was no longer attracting me as at first, because I did not know him completely, only a part, so I decided to let him go with his life, however much he was already loving me.

Furthermore, I believe that when we really like a person, it is not by their appearance, but by what they do best with us. As much as we all have our preferences, what makes us fall in love with someone else is the care that she has with us. If there is no love for what she is, you do not really like her.
 

THE_IRON_...KENYAN?

Heep Beep Meme Creep
is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
I dont even know how this is a debate, to be honest. You cant force yourself to be attracted to whatever you arent. You cant even assuage yourself into being open to being attractive to something you usually arent by being open minded. Your physically respond automatically, or not. Its just not a choice. And if its not a choice, what are you gonna do if you have a fetish? Are you just gonna deprive yourself of that and potentially make yourself miserable for some utilitarian reason? If you like Asians and you find yourself with a good chance of getting together with one you find particularly attractive are you just gonna not pursue it anymore? Its absurd. You clearly arent required to maximize your moral potential - otherwise nobody could get away with having as much leisure time as they take now because you could certainly spend a lot more of that time helping homeless people or whatever. So basically if somebody comes up to you and tells you how liking Blacks in particular or not liking Asians or whatever is racist, just remind them that they probably do stuff like eat meat or walk past homeless people without doing anything and so they just want to be allowed to have their fun while they browbeat you into not being able to have your fun and feeling a sense of power by getting you to do what they want you to do.
 

Ninahaza

You'll always be a part of me
is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
I have always felt more attraction for black boys than whites generally,

what happened to me recently: I am a boy who carries a masculinity, but I am quite feminine in general, and I was meeting a boy which is also very feminine, so I decided that his personality was no longer attracting me as at first, because I did not know him completely, only a part, so I decided to let him go with his life, however much he was already loving me.
Aww

Sorry to hear, m8. We can only learn from our past experiences, right?

I know, depending on the person, i wish i could go back in time and either take back a few things i said which i regret heavily today, or go back and say a few things i wish i had said at the time.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors!!!
 

THE_IRON_...KENYAN?

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is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
Telling you to eat your vegetables is different from telling you not to have a racial fetish or a racial unfetish

And you also need to read the stuff I said before that line
 
It is important that we take care with the feelings of another people so that we can not hurt just by our preferences
This is a ridiculous take, in my opinion. We aren't obligated to preconsider any stranger's feelings. Life offers two authentic experiences: pleasure and pain. One must exist for the other to also. Besides, as you pointed out in your post, you ended up hurting him as he was starting to catch feelings, so would it not have been better, in your point of view, to have simply pre-empted that and not made him to suffer that feeling?

Further, to add to your final point in your post, people fall in (what they think is) love for a variety of different reasons. Maybe it's how (s)he makes you feel, how successful (s)he is, their cultural bringing, the thing they do with their tongue. You can't assume everyone has the same outlook as you.

There is nothing explicitly offensive by having preferences. It is the offended who takes offense, not the offender who gives it.
 

Mimas

Everything is better with a unicorn.
is a Pre-Contributor
This is a ridiculous take, in my opinion. We aren't obligated to preconsider any stranger's feelings. Life offers two authentic experiences: pleasure and pain. One must exist for the other to also. Besides, as you pointed out in your post, you ended up hurting him as he was starting to catch feelings, so would it not have been better, in your point of view, to have simply pre-empted that and not made him to suffer that feeling?

Further, to add to your final point in your post, people fall in (what they think is) love for a variety of different reasons. Maybe it's how (s)he makes you feel, how successful (s)he is, their cultural bringing, the thing they do with their tongue. You can't assume everyone has the same outlook as you.

There is nothing explicitly offensive by having preferences. It is the offended who takes offense, not the offender who gives it.
Since it's my post, it's my opinion, okay? If you don't agree, there's no problem, I don't care.
 

Myzozoa

to find better ways to say what nobody says
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Past WCoP Champion
And you also need to read the stuff I said before that line
you mean your galaxy brain argument that having leisure time contradicts reaching ('maximizing'?) ones' (one's?) moral potential? i read it dw, and then how you followed from that that if someone isn't volunteering their time or being vegetarian then they have no legs to stand on when critiquing the moral worth of others' actions. I think I dated your argument in college tbh
 

THE_IRON_...KENYAN?

Heep Beep Meme Creep
is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
If you are gonna tell someone else that they should stop pursuing sexual relations based on race preferences in order to have fun the way they want but then turn around and do other morally dubious things to have fun your way then no, you dont have a leg to stand on. Either we both have to change, or we both get to keep doing what we want. And its since its obvious that even if I change you are going to keep doing what you want to do anyway and not follow your own moral standards or have inexplicable double standards which allow you to do the things you want but not the things I want, then clearly you dont really care about the whole interracial fetish or aversion thing after all and I get to keep doing what I want. You just want to brow beat with an ideology. Im not admitting that anyone is correct about fetishes based on race being wrong or detrimental, but for the sake of just this post and only this post, I will. It isnt wrong, btw. Nobody has ever been made racist by a fetish or an anti-fetish, and people having them isnt gonna stop race relations from constantly improving like they have been, so it doesnt matter if you have them or not. In fact, the only thing that could possibly bring racism back is annoying people by telling them its wrong or that they have to be super sensitive and not overt about it.
 
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TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
all of the morals of people left of me when combined show clear contradictions. This is because I'm actually very smart, and not because I have trouble distinguishing disparate groups because of my distance from their thoughts in my sociopolitical bubble. Also, objecting to animal cruelty and objecting to implicit racist biases is actually the exact same thing so if you don't do one you can't do the other. The only solution is not to care about being better and just convincing yourself that actually you're unimprovable.
 
I want to have kids sometime and I'm sure as hell not going to get that with another dude. I also want my kids to not have identity crisis' and to have some sort of connection with their family. relationships are by definition exclusionary, there is no issue
 
I don't think attraction can ever be offensive by default, because it's not an action- it's just a feeling. Feelings aren't offensive- actions are.
The way you communicate your feelings can be offensive however.
I'm Cuban. Let's say I like someone and I tell 'em. Then they tell me "I'm not interested in you." Perhaps the reason is they don't feel an attraction to me partially because I'm Cuban. Well, I wouldn't know that so there was no offense taken, I can just take the message and I'll just move on.
Suppose they had said "No, I don't like you, Cubans are gross lol." Well- now that is pretty offensive to say.

So no, attraction in itself is not offensive.
It can, however, be influenced! The very things that influence your attraction can indeed be offensive things. And honestly, I think it's good practice to question your preferences when it comes to attraction. When I was younger and I grew up in a insular, bubbled community of pretty much only Cubans, I was not attracted to non-Cubans. This was partially because of stereotypes I had about other people and standards I had unintentionally internalized.

It's good to ask yourself "Why am I not attracted to X group of people?"
I asked myself that and found out that I had the wrong idea about what people of certain groups were like, and the more I questioned it the more I realized it was flawed thinking and unlearned it. Now, I don't only date Cubans and I am open to dating anyone of any ethnicity.

Plus humans are so diverse and you'd be surprised at the amount of variance that exists within groups. Using Cubans for example- some people might think "I don't like them, they're too loud" or "They have weird hair." Well... Cubans are not always loud and have many different looks and styles of hair.

So long story short, no- attraction in itself is not offensive. The way you communicate to others your attraction or lack thereof can be offensive- but honestly just use common sense and be respectful and you're good, just as in any situation. Attraction can be influenced by offensive ideas floating around that stereotype groups, and it can be unlearned and changed over time especially if you question your attraction.

Also, this doesn't apply to sexuality as that's a diff topic altogether. I mean things like ethnicity/race/other group classifiers etc
 

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