Smocon Toronto '11 - August 5th to 7th - WON BY wait nvm


I'm not retarded I'm Canadian it's different
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solid fucking night, great to finally meet everyone

line of the night had to be Brain "what the FUCK is this... garlic mayo!?!??"
ahahahah that collage....... I'm so pretty, I just don't know what to do

it was a gooood afternoon for sure. also the hand covering ivars face, A++
the best moment of the whole trip was shared by me, gk and layell to the expense of gene, man that was fucking funny
SABOTEUR (thanks for coming everyone (especially firestorm for doing this (and also ivysaur, ivar and snkz for other stuff))) ps ivar is a wienie !_!


Alas poor Yorick!
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DM be jealous.

Story: It was a dark and stormy night, in Vancouver. Where we were not going to be meeting up because the weather in Vancouver is ass. This is about my meet up with smogon on one fateful Saturday.

I set two alarms to wake me up for the early excursion down to King Station. But both of my alarms managed to fail me to wake me up for 7:00. Luckily my internal clock screamed at me 15 minutes later “Enough of this sleeping nonsense we have business to attend!”

My Gear was as follows:

-Purple Theatre Shirt
-Video Camera
-Cell Phone with crappy camera
-3DS with even crappier camera (sorry Jackal and Rip)
-3 Maps (for living so close to Toronto I am not very good with travelling it)
-TTC Day Pass (a plot point if there ever was one)

So instead of describing the boring hour and a half it took me to get downtown I will introduce to you. The cast of Smocon ’11 Toronto:


This is me, I am a self-confessed lover of theatre and spend most of my time on smogon now playing minecraft and complaining about the newest TF2 update to the soldier.


The man who brought us all together for this lovely event, more and more I see him as the orchestrator or rather puppet master of the entire set of events. He kept track of everyone since he was the only one with each person’s cell phone.


The only guy who didn’t go by his real name, but his current and former username. He and I spent a good deal of time in the lobby attempting to fix my cheap Wal-Mart sunglasses that were literally held in place by some sort of zip-tie. It was a lost cause. His meet-up with rival Jackal may be something I’ll never forget.

Umbreon Dan/Dan

We were all surprised that Dan’s actual name is Dan. Considering the amount of members who have fake names that in no way correlate to their real ones. He also wore two layers of clothing the entire time which was called out probably twice since we had such a strong heat the entire day.


May or may not be twins with Umbreon Dan, (Xaq got them wrong on #smogcraft). He didn’t want me to film an entrance into the hotel room when I first got there cause he hadn’t washed his hair, which looked exactly the same when he had washed it. He also bought a 3DS during the trip with what I will refer to later as the Firestorm Method.


Even with the Happy Brain face Captain Kishi remains calm and collected. Whenever I didn’t know where the heck we were going he certainly did. I’d like to know if it’s weird to just see more people in the hotel room after you showered than before.


The only fellow minecrafter on the trip, who almost took over my gravel house on the server. Protip: You can pronounce his name Sneaks since he shortened it for his SSBM username. He will probably be the next foosball champion of Canada. We passed him off as younger than 16 to allow him to use the ttc day pass with me. In reality he is two years older than I am. Also Snkz you are missing the Mario Galaxy 3DS puzzle (mwa ha ha ha >:D )


For a guy so young he had a beard that would put many a man twice his age to shame. It sucks that you had to leave so early man, but we all hope you are now feeling better.

Rodan’s Friend

The only real non-pokemon playing guy here. He was Rodan’s ride and was set to play foosball with Snkz, but I’m not sure what came of it.

Brain/French Version of Oliver

This guy never needed to introduce himself to any smogoner. Suffice to say we are familiar with his work. He is very smart and his talks with Snkz about computer learning did go over my head a few times. His story about taking photos in his lab for a thread was really funny. Also he ups his French accent whenever he is on camera (particularly my last one). I managed to pronounce his name in French but I’m still not sure how you’d spell it

Ivar/Not sure if he wants his name published

The most handsome guy on the trip by far. Not that any of you can tell. He didn’t want to be seen in any of our photos which generally required some work arounds, most of my videos are done with him behind me as a result. Call it suspicion but I think the real reason that he didn’t want to have his photo taken is because he has a strict contract with a modelling agency and can’t have his photo taken by anyone else.


She may look young but definitely knows how to roll with the big boys. She brought forth a fascinating philosophical discussion about a certain aspect of the bathroom in the hotel.


The two of us hung out in the hotel room for a while playing good old ssbm. He is incredibly cheap with DK and his Luigi missile got criticals 90% of the time which should be impossible. I’m still not quite sure how we got the Wii up and running.


The man with an incredibly large post-count that rivals the amount of smogoners he has met in real life. He probably has the perfect real voice to forum voice ever. Also he hasn’t even started to write that last war story he was supposed to do.

Jackal/Mike #1

You know that feeling you get when a celebrity you like has been shopping at your grocery store and you may or may not have seen them. Well Jackal lives five minutes away from me, 30 seconds away from my old high school.

Ripcord/Mike #2

Both of these guys actually live in my area. Mike kept insisting that he doesn’t play pokemon anymore. Considering none of us had a team for the AMC mini tournament that goes without saying I suppose.


Met up with us at the bar, there was some initial confusion over his original username as Kakarot or KakarotJuggernaut or something. It was the former, so he probably is a troll. He was a very high spirited person.

I arrived at the hotel half an hour early. I decided to do a video log but since uploading takes forever despite being under a minute and it’s really shaky I probably won’t do it. Firestorm took his sweet time in the shower, which is why he couldn’t answer his cell and so I was stuck waiting awkwardly in the lobby for 20 minutes. Once he came down I met Gene and my glasses broke, we hung out in the lobby trying to fix them for a bit but decided to go up to the room.

Upstairs I met Umbreon Dan, Phiddlesticks, Captain Kishi, if I remember correctly some smash bros was played and then we watched Magic School Bus and made fun of the mid ninties, and then Beyblade. I managed to start a sort of MST snark fest going on while watching the tops battle it out.

[The character is “dying” from losing a beyblade fight and cries white]
Me: Good lord he’s crying semen!

[The characters go to an empty stadium to fight]
Me: This place has the worst security ever!

[Battle begins and immediate cut to a dinner scene]
“Oh that’s great I thought they wanted to market these things!”

[Anime angst]
Me: My psychiatrist loves me ever since I got this beyblade!

[The tops start a tornado and people around the city see it]

At this point the snark was just rolling by everybody

“I’m quite sure wind doesn’t work like that”

“They are thousands of miles away HOW DO THEY KNOW IT’S A BEYBATTLE”

[Everyone comes to the stadium]
“Yea they’re going to run toward the giant tornado!”

We left around 12 to head towards the Danforth with our starting 10 line-up of

-Umbreon Dan
-Captain Kishi
-Rodan’s Friend

Snkz and Rodan’s friend decided to go play foosball

Rodan went to grab some Subway, while the rest of us ventured forth to grab some Greek food.

We kept looking for this one Zorba’s place which I knew was good. Firestorm wanted to go to Mr.Greek which is like eating at Olive Garden in Italy so I vetoed it. This is Greektown we can do better than that.

I probably shouldn’t have ordered the dinner but it was so good so I don’t really care. I can’t remember if I insult Brain’s disgusting looking sausages with comparisons to French food but I definitely did. Snkz met up with us telling of Rodan’s departure, we were also joined by mysterious user ivar. I think we pissed off the waiter asking for separate bills too. I made sure to tip nice.

We had seen a Star Wars Stormtrooper while we were eating, which must have been sweaty, when we got out he was nowhere to be seen sadly.

We then went to Starbucks and formulated a plan to meet gk and ivysaur, I picked up some Loukomades along the way, they are Greek donut like honey balls with cinnamon and the best thing ever.

Going to the Subway Firestorm caught a pic of a “Tim Hoton’s” Sign pasted on one wall. Also at one point in the ride at the station he was almost run over by a guy in an electric wheelchair.

We met up with Ivysaur and gk at the Eaton Centre, and Firestorm convinced Phiddlesticks to purchase a 3DS because of the price guarantee, which I call the Firestorm Method. The guy might just be a Nintendo spokesperson, or should be at this point.

In the hotel there was also a meeting of the American Bar Association, Ivy myself, Firestorm, and some other were in the elevator and the one other guy tells us….

Guy: You guys look like you’re having fun, it beats being here for the ABA.

One of us: Yeah we’ve been having a lot of fun

Me: [going into lying actor mode] Yeah we’re competitive Pokemon players.

Ivy: We’ve been attending some Pokemon seminars.

I don’t think he believed us, probably for the best.

We all went back to the hotel to meet DM! (video coming soon)

Ivysaur brought to light a certain aspect of the bathroom, let’s see if you can find it intrepid reader!


Perhaps TIK should get something like this too, we all thought of various ideas on why this is there. I thought because of slipping in the tub when showering.

At this point we thought of going to the Hockey Hall of Fame, which was going to close in two hours. But we also found out it costs money. So the group split into three.

-Hockey Fanatics
-Ivysaurs group for recreational activities
-gk and I to stay at the hotel and meet with Jackal and Ripchord

So some SSBM was played, I am good at 1 vs 1 but once 4 player started I just couldn’t manage to stay in the game, I am very rusty. At one point after being destroyed I remember yelling out


I forgot how different Marth is from Brawl to Meele, I actually went back to Roy for some matches, which Brawl Marth seems to be a combination of in many ways.

Jackal started talking about how he couldn’t wait to see his eternal rival Gene/g80. I believe he was with the hockey group at the time.

Layell: Oh yeah I met with him already, do you know what we looks like?

Jackal: No, probably some pale Russian fuck.

After a few battles I decided to sit out, ivy’s group came back and watched us for a bit, and then gene came in, knowing who arrived.

Gene: Jackal’s fucking dead!

*Jackal too busy gaming to notice*

*Gene walks away defeated by Jackal’s concentration*

gk, ivar and I started bursting into laughter, which I don’t even think Jackal noticed. Ten minutes later I started laughing about it again for absolutely no reason. We hung out for half an hour, got reservations at an Irish pub and DM took some group photos and got each of us there with the red car. Ivy ditched us for a party.

In my notes here I have the name Earn Diggity, which appearently was somebodies real name. What was the story around that?

So it finally started raining slightly, but the bar was just a walk away. I was still stuffed from eating a dinner at lunch, and I knew if I drank anything I wouldn’t be able to get home that night, since I am hopeless with direction even when straight sober.

Kaky met up with us here and we just had a great time. Talking about some of our favourite memories on the forums, other irl meet ups and telling what else happened that others missed. Firestorm told gene that he had to have poutine, the pub had it but it was Irish poutine, which apparently exists, which led to the following line by Brain…

"what the FUCK is this... garlic mayo!?!??"

Gene ordered it anyway, probably in a vain attempt to not eat the gravy death of real poutine. Firestorm will still probably make him eat it anyways.

Somehow Firestorm didn’t realize that I was ControllerOfFlames, which I changed this year. Even though it was in my sig and all for a month or two. It was weird talking about funny stuff on the forums but it felt very natural, like we had all been talking about it for a long time.

Well I guess we have but whatever.

We all managed to pay on one bill, a feat that didn’t occur at the Greek place. DM went with some guys to the LCBO, I needed to head back so I convinced Firestorm that not everyone needed to pick up alcohol. Thus I killed the last of my camera before heading off into the night.

-Firestorm for handling the event
-Happy Brain faces
-Awesome smogoners
-Greek Food

-Rodan’s body having to get ill and leave
-cloud for saying he’d join up with us at two
-My glasses for busting before leaving the hotel
-Slow video/photo uploads

First Video with more to come:

Smogon on the Danforth
The video where I riddicule Firestorm
Ordering Greek Food
Adventures in Bestbuy
Hotel Fun
The DM Arrival
Saturday End.
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Look at this theater kid with his theater kid memory. Great job Layell

PS. I totally do have the mario galaxy one, hell the puzzle thing told me that I had no more pieces to collect


My vast and supreme will shall be done!
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In regards to the phone in the bathroom, we once bought a house that had phones in the bathroom, my dad asked the previous owner why, and the owner said so his daughters no longer had the excuse that they were in the bathroom for not answering the phone.

Though in a hotel, its probably for people who want to take care of business while taking care of business ;).

Nice story though, looks like everyone had fun.
Props to Snkz and gk for hitting my ridiculously oversized joint last night. Everyone else, I'm disappointed.

Also, I'm a very high spirited person. In your face, bitches.


(* ̄(エ) ̄*)
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fun times, esp saturday evening

man i wish we didn't go to that awful pub earlier, poutine is literally the worst


Ce soir, on va danser.
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I got home a couple hours ago, it took me goddamned forever to get home. It was awesome to meet the new people, sucks that Rodan got sick and didn't come back Saturday. Great to see all the old faces again, too, although I just saw Firestorm a few weeks ago.

I will post pictures when I feel a little less assy. And when I say a little, I mean a ton. I feel like microwaved dog shit.


I did my best -- I have no regrets
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Much respect due to Jackal for completely defusing the gene menace! Excellent work.


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the best moment of the whole trip was shared by me, gk and layell to the expense of gene, man that was fucking funny

second best was us walking back to the hotel and coming up upon a broken escalator so everybody took the stairs beside it, except brain who walked on to the broken escalator, stood still, threw his hands up in the air, and proclaimed "FUCK STAIRS".

also the purple pink hobo was pretty rad.
"what is the difference between pink guys and purple guys? it's your dick!" was great

but there was another nutbag at the subway station on saturday who went "waaloowaaloowaaloowaFUCKYOU" and proceeded to run down rushan with his powerwheelchair


I'm not retarded I'm Canadian it's different
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I can confirm that I annihilated Groudon80.


To add a little more, I really cant believe how natural it felt with a lot of you... I mean it's like everyone has been saying I guess, initially it is pretty awkward but after the break in period it really just feels like you've known these people for years and years (and I guess I have!). Although I must say, with DM there was no awkwardness even initially lol, we got a nice hug in haha. I guess it is cause he's such a Smogon celebrity that seeing him in person didn't even feel new.

Some other memorable moments include me, Ripchord, DM and g80 all downing an Irish Car Bomb at the pub, such an amazing drink. I want to see that video whoever took it! Also after the pub, we had about 15 minutes to find a liquor store before they closed, and kakky whipped out his phone to find the nearest one. We had plenty of trouble trying to find this place lol, so we split up into three groups: kakky+gK, me+DM and g80+ripchord to try and locate it. Me and DM were about ready to give up after having found the address on kakky's phone but it not even being a liquor store, when I got a text from MEGATRON: "it's across the street from the Loblaw's sign, if you can see that". I read it out to DM, we look up and see the neon sign in the distance, look back at each other and just BOOK IT there.

The Booze Run, literally.

We got there completely out of breath with about 3 minutes to spare. We then proceeded to put our collective heads together and roll out some terrible, terrible math trying to figure out how much alcohol to get and how to pay.

We ended up going with a 60oz bottle of Baccardi Gold, and bought a couple litres of coke to chase. Problem was, we got back to the hotel room and realized we didnt have cups! I scrounged up a couple but we didnt have enough, so DM goes into the bathroom and comes out with a bunch of cups that peoples toothbrushes and shit were in and just shouted, "whoever's cup this is... if your toothbrush tastes like rum tomorrow morning you know why!"

We proceeded to have some drinks and play an assortment of games. We also had an incredibly satisfying kicking spree on IRC. DM, gene and I bonded with some excellent music talk over a drink, really enjoyed that.

Then Brain pulled out some card game called SABOTEUR and he attempted to explain the rules but by this point i was getting pretty intoxicated so I didn't really catch on, I went along with it though. He dealt the initial cards and it turned out I was one of two "Saboteurs", and I caught on that my job was to fuck up all the good people as they were trying to find their gold. I relished this role, and proceeded to play some terrible cards in some terrible places, all while everyone was throwing a bunch of debilitating cards my way. Then DM plays a terrible card in like the worst spot and everyone starts ripping on him and I was just like DM ARE YOU ALSO A SABOTEUR and he says FUCK YES and start laughing hysterically and I think the game just stopped at that point I'm not sure. I found it hilarious though.

Somewhere along the lines my buddy Ripchord had to go, and he was my ride back home. However I was plain having too much fun so I decided to crash in the room on the floor... looking back not the best decision, don't know if you guys could tell but i really felt like shit in the morning. DM really hit the nail on the head with "microwaved dog shit".

I await with baited breath the pictures on DM's camera. I have a sneaking suspicion there might be some embarassing ones of me as the night went on... I recall spilling one of my drinks all over myself :( I got fairly messy but we bought a ton of alcohol and at that point it was really only me, DM and g80 drinking at all and I didn't want it to go to waste hehe that would be a waste now wouldnt it!

Also want to apologize to kakky, he rolled a cannon of a joint, but I just didn't feel like that would have been a good move for my game plan, if I smoked that I would have been done in no doubt. When snkz came back I remember him just sitting on the bed not saying anything and I just looked at him and he looked back and calmly said "I am so fucking blitzed, man" and I got a good laugh. I would have been 10 times worse.

Well this turned into a monster war story and I did not plan that, but I really enjoyed that night and everything just kind of had to be said, so there! Hopefully DM can provide the pics :)

Again, really nice to meet everyone, would do it again in an instant.
Hell I wasn't even drinking and the joint ripped my face off. Best part of the night for me (read: most awkward) was when we were watching the guys play the olympics game on N64. There was some challenge that I thought was pretty interesting and I noticed Jackal had stood up to get a drink or whatever. So I slyly snuck over and stole his chair and controller. What I didn't realize was that it was a series of events with a total points tally, whereas I thought it was just random events and everyone was trying. So there I was with Jackal's controller in my hand and my ass on his seat ready to play when he came back to sit down. I moved over thinking I could still try it, then he was like, "Oh, and he stole my controller too." SHOT DOWN! So I handed it back over and then realized it was in the points total format afterwards. My bad!
Had two sessions that day, one with ivy+dan+ivar, the other with gk+kakky, both of them were great but not the best idea for a first time meetup thing. I am usually pretty normal and talkative I swear!!

Would loved to of come back sunday, but I blew almost all my cash the first day. It was great meeting you all though.

I think my favourite moment was walking into the hotel lobby at around 11 and seeing the morning group for the first time, felt so unusual to be asking for both usernames and names from people. That process went on throughout the day as more and more people showed up.
Real cool weekend...would've been better if I wasn't so damn tired and my eyes weren't so fuckin' red. Couldn't say goodbye to Jackal (as I was showering at the time) which made me sad. =[ Wish I could've talked to some people some more (gk is the only name I can think of now <_<) since you guy(s) didn't stay that long. Sunday was pretty fucking messy. Our brunch/lunch was kind of ass (nothing was open and the food was a greasy spoon), and it took us a few hours to decide what to do. We ended up going to Snakes & Lattes (which I think was Brain's idea) and it was pretty damn fun. It was essentially a cafe and a place FILLED with board games (would've been real awesome if more people came). It sucked that we only got to spend a little less than 2 hours there, as it was getting late and we needed food. It kinda sucked that we couldn't get sushi (for either lunch and dinner) but hey, c'est la vie.

p.s. fuck gene

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