[Standard] Fuck the Mafia Tactical Game - The Men with 99 Problems win!


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is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy LyNcH sPiFfY lYnCh SpIfFy
I'm just gonna lynch LightWolf until told to do otherwise.

EDIT: And isn't Alchemator dead? He's still in the alive column.

EDIT EDIT: And daquiri is too. :/
!!!!!!! CHECK THE DEADLINE !!!!!!!

After listening for awhile at LightWolf's cries for lynching Spiffy, you decide that it's better to just shut him up before someone goes batshit insane. Nobody is surprised when he starts to resist at your decision though: "YoU wOn'T gEt Me! I gOt A wEaPoN, aNd I aM nOt AfRaId To UsE iT!" Before you can think on what kind of weapon he could have on him, he turns around, drops his pants and lays an extremely stinky diarrhea straight on the ground. With the smell in the air, you can barely breath, and he tries to use this moment to run away. Somebody can still muster enough strenght to pick a stone and throw it, hitting his head. As you gather around his unconscious body, rather pissed on at his attempt to run away, three of you go and pick up a huge stone, promptly dropping it on his head and ensuring no more nasty tricks come your way:

Dear LightWolf,
You are Johnny Sasaki.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny... Can't you never be in a game without getting a fool made out of you? It doesn't matter how hard you try, you will always be the joke of the day. But you won't give up, because one day, you will make people see how awesome you are! The Green Mile Legion saw the potential in you; after they found about the conflicts you have been part of, they decided to get you in, since a man with experience is always a good thing, even though it was just as a comical relief.

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Guard USER's cell". You will stand guard outside USER's cell, preventing anyone with killing intentions from finishing their job. This can't be done 2 consecutive nights in a row, due to your nasty diarrhea.

You win if The Green Mile Legion has eliminated all the threatening factors.
You don't bother staying around for long; you need some fresh air. But will the air be cleaned till tomorrow?

Night 6 has started, and ends WEDNESDAY 21:00 GMT+2.
Night 6 is over! The Final Update!

As you all sit around campfires, planning what to do, a church-bell is heard. It rings a few times, before stopping, then starting again. Nobody knows what it rings for, but since it could be some important, everybody agrees in that it should be investigated.

The town is eeriely quiet. Only thing you can hear is... chewing? As you turn on some flashlights, a horrific scene unfolds: The wolves have attacked someone. The bloody body is recognized as pookar when the wolves run away, scared by the sudden lights:

Dear pookar,
You are Vladimir Lem.

You are the leader of the Russian Mob, and the other side in the war against the Punchinello Crime Family. You speciality is the black gun market, and you also used this to aid Max Payne during his quest for vengeance. When The Green Mile Legion heard of your speciality, they gave you a contract to bring more guns to the fight, and due to them helping you out before, your code of ethics made you take the contract.

Durign the Night, you can submit "Night X - USER, Dearest of all my friends!" You will make an offer with USER that he can't refuse, and supply him with enough firepower to start his own apocalypse. This will be enough to make him survive one night. You can't use this 2 consecutive nights, because you need to ship in new supplies after a succesfull apocalypse.

You win if The Green Mile Legion has eliminated all the threatening factors.
"The hell?" Confusion arrives, with everybody wondering why the wolves attacked him and if they would do it again. But more important matters comes forth, as someone realizes Xyphang and Aura Guardian didn't come with the rest of the group. Before you can start searching for them though, you hear Aura Guardian scream as he runs down a hill close by. Taking a quick glance at him, you start to run too: Something big and fat is rolling right behind him, threatening to crush him and the rest of the group. The rolling thing picks up in speed though, and rolls over Aura Guardian and Spiffy, who was concentrating too much on how to make himself look important to notice the hassle around him:

Dear Aura Guardian,
You are Fu.

You are the bodyguard of Ling, the 12th prince of the nation of Xing. You are a valuable asset to him due to your strategical and combat experience and fierce loyalty. Because of this, you are even willing to give your life for your prince. When he heard about the struggle The Green Mile Legion was in, he sent you to aid them to victory, and maybe even gain the secret of immortality.

You have no night action, but should you be lynched during the day, you can submit "Day X - Walking with USER to hell". You will grab USER before you are killed, and set off the explosives around your chest, killing both him and you. This can only be used if you were to be lynched due to majority.

You win if The Green Mile Legion has eliminated all the threatening factors.
Dear Spiffy,
You are Alchemator.

You are the weirdest person in history, having discovered the piece of crap that is Remoraid you proceeded to make an unbalanced mafia around it – annoying random mafia players everywhere. You’ve even started your own spriting project about Remoraid – the obsession has gone clearly over the edge now! The only Remoraid Lover, you got a shitload of problems convincing people you aren't insane, and thus joined The Men With 99 Problems - they got their own problems to take care off, so they can't be arsed to care about your sanity!

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Include USER in my mafia-game!" You will include the player in your next game, giving him a posting restriction of your choice. If he does not comply, you will show him so many remoraids he will laugh himself to death, removing him from the game. The restriction is removed when the day is over.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
With they two being in their squeezed state, you don't bother moving them, but instead investigate the rolling fatty who stopped against a building. The hit knocked him out cold, but he is still alive and recognizable as the one and only Xyphang:

Dear Xyphang,
You are Jimbo.

You are the admired super-mod of Smogon, who has his fin(ger) in almost everything on the site, from Wi-Fi to Battling 101. That isn't always an easy job though, and there are always people who have problems and think you are supposed to handle them. But you do have problems of your own too, like The Green Mile Legion who dragged you here, but left you for dead when they realized you are too fat to be moved without a truck. Thus you joined The Men With 99 Problems: They got at least the means to move you around.

You have no Night action, but due to your size and Super Mods on Smogon, nobody dares to vote against you in a lynch, and your vote counts for two!

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
"Well, with this huge success, I suggest we lynch off Amake, the last Aesir!" As you look at who yelled this, LonelyNess is already searching for something strong enough to do the dirty work. Understandably, Amake isn't exactly accepting this twist in matters: "You think you can kill me? I'll show you who kills who!" With these words, he rushes into the group, his fists flying left and right. BlackHatGuy runs in, trying to beat him up and constrict him, but after a swift punch straight to the face, he falls to the ground, his neck crushed:

Dear Green_Pikachu,
You are Jack Lupino.

You were the Major Captain of Punchinellos crime family, and were responsible for dealing and shipping the Valkyr-drug until you got shot by some thugs. You were left for dead, but survived the ordeal. It didn't fix your addiction to Valkyr, though, and when you heard that The Green Mile Legion have some supplies of it, you joined them to get your daily fix in exhange of doing their dirty jobs.

You have no Night action, but should anyone target you with a kill, they will realise that you have became an insane Valkyr-junkie and leave, since it would be a waste of time and supplies to shoot you. You should be warned though: there might be someone out there who won't care about you being high or not, and will go through with their plan if they target you.

You win if The Green Mile Legion has eliminated all the threatening factors.
The others aren't going down as easily though: A kick is dodged, a punch hits but is returned with a karate chop, a flying attack is countered with a throw straight into some other combatant... As the fight keeps on and on, it's slowly becoming clear that Amake is being overpowered. But a man of his size does still have a trick or two up his sleeve, this time the trick being a handgun. After the gun is drawn and a couple of shots are fired, assassinfred and Veedrock fall on the ground, dead:

Dear assassinfred,
You are Maes Hughes.

Often as a comical character, your usual behaviour includes bragging about your daughter and wife over the telephone or showing their pictures to someone. But more often than not, you are serious about your job as Lieutenant Colonel in the Investigations Division, and seek to help as many people as possible with the info you have available. Thus you joined The Men With 99 Problems, since people with so many problems can't be left alone without friends to help them up.

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Reading criminal records about USER". You will use your military position and search the records for USER, piecing together his whole role PM.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
Dear Veedrock,
You are Angelo Punchinello.

You are the head of the Punchinello crime family, and the puppet of Nicole Horne in her quest of spreading Valkyr all over New York. Your organisation was fairly big, concerning the whole city, but aftair Pax Payne went through his rampage to find the murderers of his family, you were left in the cold with nothing but a handful of thugs in the middle of a mafia war. For a man like you, this is a big problem, and so you joined The Men With 99 Problems to get a new organisation together, and to control New Yorks mafia underworld once again.

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Send thugs to USER". If USER moves from his home during the night, your thugs will follow him and tell you who he visited after the night. If USER stays at home, your thugs will spy on his apartment and tell you who visited him during the night.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
More shots are fired, but nobody is hit by them. As Amake tries to get some room and reload the empty weapon, Nachos bravely runs in and smacks him between legs with the staff he is carrying. LonelyNess continues the combination and hits his suitcase over Amake's head, sending him unconscious:

Dear LonelyNess,
You are The G-Man.

The mysterious, enigmatic character, you can always be found in the strangest spots, looking at Gordon Freeman before disappearing in impossible places. Maybe straightening the tie a little, or brushing the suit, nobody knows what you are or who you work for. But what's sure is that you only work to further your own interests and plans, and thus nobody knows why you joined The Men With 99 Problems. What would someone like you gain in helping these men with their silly little problems?

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Open Time/Space portal from USER1 to USER2". You will grab the first person to target USER1, and move him through Time and Space to USER2, forcing him to target USER2 with his action. But you only have time and patience to move 1 person each night: any subsequent visitors to USER1 will hit him.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
There is a slight side-effect with this highly effective trick though: The body falls down over Nachos. As he is not able to react in time, he ends underneath the huge body. Only his staff is left of his mortal body:

Dear Nachos,
You are Deckard Cain.

The old historician of the town of Tristram, you are the only survivor from the carnage that happened in there. After you were rescued by the hero that ended up slaying the Three Prime Evils, you joined him and continued as an advisor and companion to him. But since you are so old, nobody cares to listen to what you have to tell! This presents as a huge problem to an old fart like you, and thus you started to hassle The Men With 99 Problems - maybe you could find someone bored enough to listen to you!

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Stay awhile and listen, USER!" You will keep on telling stories to USER, making anyone who targets him fall asleep due to boredness. Murderers do not do this though: They will just fill their ears with something and finish their job.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
As the dust settles, shade walks to the body, followed shortly by LonelyNess and hailflameblast. After a few nods, the mans gun is taken, loaded with one bullet and fired, finishing the fight that cost several lives. But when shade searches through the body and finds the role letter, he takes a short glance on it and sends a grave look at LonelyNess. With a bewildered face, the leading man grabs the letter and is clearly shocked at what it says:

Dear Amake,
You are Marv.

You are a 7-foot tall man with a flattop buzzcut, a heavily scarred face and a massive frame. This combination of size, face, and the trenchcoat you always wear is intimidating, and you know it: after growing up in Sin City, anyone learns when and where things happen, and you know how to influence them. But a city of Sins is full of problems, and they do often follow someone like you. Thus you joined The Men With 99 Problems, because you have the means to remove their problems, and they have the means to protect your back.

During the night, you can submit "Night X - Protecting USER with Gladys". Using your gun named after the toughest nun at your school, you will scare away anyone with killing intents who tries to come close to USER.

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
"I can't believe this! I was so sure he was the last living Aesir!" Shade and hailflameblast swaps looks, before starting to walk in on LonelyNess. "WaitwaitWAIT! I am sure we can resolve this in some other manner!" The two men don't stop. "Listen, if you will listen, I DO KNOW WHO HE IS!!" No reaction.

"I thought you knew your shit, LN."

As the voice is heard, all three men jump a bit in surprise, before turning around to see who talked. Exarius is standing in the middle of the area, surrounded by his wolves, holding a sharp-looking combat knife in his hand. "The list you provided me DID include the last Aesir, but believe me, Amake would have been the last one of them. The last on is standing right THERE!" As the last word is shouted, the knife is thrown. Spinning a few times in the air, it takes a clean hit in hailflameblasts heart, dropping him where he was standing, frozen in fear, his pants starting to get soaked already:

Dear hailflameblast,
You are Otacon.

After being forced to make the Metal Gear REX and later, to destroy it, you left with Solid Snake to stop other Metal Gears from being built. You are an incredible engineer, and after Nicole heard of your talents, she intimidated you to help Aesir Corporation in this war. Now lets just hope you don't piss yourself during this war once again...

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - Send BOMC to USER". You will send an anonymous message to USER, which can be about anything. This message is to be written in the body of the PM.

In addition, during the Night, you can submit "Night X - Give USER access to a Metal Gear Prototype". You will send USER keycodes to the new Metal Gear, which will malfunction when started, crushing USER inside it.

You will find more information in the letter that came alongside this one.
As both of the men stand there, a letter falls out from the corpses hand, which is quickly picked up and read:

You are the Aesir Corporation, led by Altair. All you wanted was to spread Valkyr all over New York City, and thus gain control of it. But alas, these fools who call themselves The Green Mile Legion is trying to hinder you, and the whining of The Men With 99 Problems doesn't help the matters. Thus you will work on eradicating them before you keep on taking over NYC. Your corporation consists of the following persons:

Altair - Nicole Horne - Kidnapper
hailflameblast - Otacon - Message sender
Earthworm - Necromancer - Bodyguard
Agape - Lust - Inspector

Your corporation also has a kill you can use to your benefit. Each of you has their own flavour of kill, but a few rules apply: If 2 or more persons send in an killing action on the same person, the flavour is randomised, and if 2 or more persons send in a killing action on different persons, nobody will die. Only one killing action is required for a succesfull kill.

Be warned though: You have to work for your victory, only sitting and watching from the sidelines won't do. So be prepared, and show them what you got!

You win if the Aesis Corporation has eliminated all the threatening factors.
As the letter is read a few more times, the face of shade lights up in a mix of surprise, delight and disbelief. "The war... is finally over! Can this be real?" he looks at the body besides him, before taking out a small paper out from his own pocket. Realizing it has no use anymore, he throws it on the ground before waking Xyphang up and walking into the distance with LonelyNess, rolling Xyphang in front of them. Exarius then pick up the paper, taking a glance on it before burning it:

Dear Shade,
You are Morpheus.

You are a hovercraft captain, and have used most of your life searching for The One after the Oracle told you you will be the one to find him. After you found him though, the problems just got bigger and bigger. What if he doesn't manage to stop this war? What if Zion is destroyed? Is he really The One? With all these problems, you joined The Men With 99 Problems to gain more answers and lessen the problems.

During the Night, you can submit "Night X - The Red Pill, or The Blue Pill?" In the body of the PM, you can put a question that should be answered with a Yes or No. This can be anything except the players role name in The Matrix, and the same question can not be asked twice. If your answer is positive, something is bound to happen, so ask your questions carefully!

You win if The Men With 99 Problems has eliminated all the threatening factors.
As he starts to walk away, a painful cough is heard in the complete silence that has engulfed the area. When he looks surprised over his shoulders, Nachos can be seen, trying to stand up, close to death but still alive. "Come here... I got... Something to.. Tell you..." Just as he runs up to the old man, followed by the wolves, the old man coughs up some blood: It's clear he won't last long. "Stay a moment... and listen..." Taking a brief moment, mustering the last of his strength, he starts talking:

"Listen. It's not over yet. It will never be. It doesn't matter who wins. These conflicts will continue. The losers will be liberated from the battlefield, and the survivors will live out the rest of their days as a soldiers. Those three will die eventually - the only thing that matters is their cause. You only win if you fight for your cause."

As the last word cross his lips, they form into a weak smile before his eyes lose the sparkle, his chest stopping to move. Pondering these words, Exarius lays him on the ground, closing his eyes before walking away. He was right. There will be more conflicts. But which will be the last one? Or will they never be over?

Congratulations to the winners, The Men With 99 Problems!

Postgame will come tomorrow or day after tomorrow.

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