Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

[liangash]

Damn, that’s a blast from the past. Much love zero You helped me out a lot during the PO days, and it genuinely made a difference for teenage me, so, thank you! The goat.

Hey I remember you :) Glad to see you're still around.

Reading the posts here made me realize I was acting like my life was already over, and the world's still going.

It's motivated me to make positive changes. I was considering leaving the cancer untreated but I've read about some breakthroughs lately. Definitely not doing chemo or radiation though.

 

[JoshSketch]

Hey i'm back here.
Said to myself that I wouldn't come back here, but I just have some stuff on my mind.
I'm thinking less about tying myself worth to mons. I'm not really doing anything that I can to put that pressure on myself, at least not as much anymore. There were a few bouts of being down after ladder tilt and losses to people who have never played before, but I'm trying to learn and try different meta games and just open my horizons a little bit and just have fun.

Last person that responded to me here mentioned enjoying the community more and finding groups of people to connect with. This has honestly been exhausting, and it's started to bring my mood down more. Nobody tends to talk about anything else other than the game in most servers, which, cool, I like playing competitive Pokemon too, but even when I feel like I'm asking the right questions, stating my own opinions or preferences, or just trying to be engaged, people are still so patronizing and almost annoyed in their demeanor with me. There really isn't anything ever positively said, and every engagement just feels like I'm pulling teeth. Part of the reason I even stopped talking in discord servers is because it was mentally tolling, and thinking all I needed was a thicker skin, coming back to them in order to take consideration of the advice given here while also aiming to be well known enough to considered for PL instead of a literally who, nothing has changed.

I get excited for a meta I think looks cool > I try to be involved and ask for advice > I get bogged down by the way everyone seems to treat me or address me > I become disinterested.

Like, sometimes I'll mess with sample teams when I'm learning and I understand that can be frustrating to some seniors if I'm asking for advice, but isn't the point trying to have fun while you're learning how to improve? Does everyone have to dogmatically follow nothing but samples if you're new?

And if I even so much have a conversation about team structures and ask about alternates for members on teams or roles certain mons can play, of course, I need to be patronized more and be told I don't know anything and I have to sit and take more cold critiques on my plays and view of teams.

This kinda turned more into a vent about how people view greenish players but like, even still, genuinely don't know where I can go in this community and talk to people without being talked down to or being talked to like a robot. And I mean, anything about Pokemon, especially the metas here, I'd appreciate some kind of friendlier environment that doesn't put me in a bad mood for the rest if the day or makes me wanna quit the meta I'm learning.

 

[Runo]

Hey i'm back here.
Said to myself that I wouldn't come back here, but I just have some stuff on my mind.
I'm thinking less about tying myself worth to mons. I'm not really doing anything that I can to put that pressure on myself, at least not as much anymore. There were a few bouts of being down after ladder tilt and losses to people who have never played before, but I'm trying to learn and try different meta games and just open my horizons a little bit and just have fun.

Last person that responded to me here mentioned enjoying the community more and finding groups of people to connect with. This has honestly been exhausting, and it's started to bring my mood down more. Nobody tends to talk about anything else other than the game in most servers, which, cool, I like playing competitive Pokemon too, but even when I feel like I'm asking the right questions, stating my own opinions or preferences, or just trying to be engaged, people are still so patronizing and almost annoyed in their demeanor with me. There really isn't anything ever positively said, and every engagement just feels like I'm pulling teeth. Part of the reason I even stopped talking in discord servers is because it was mentally tolling, and thinking all I needed was a thicker skin, coming back to them in order to take consideration of the advice given here while also aiming to be well known enough to considered for PL instead of a literally who, nothing has changed.

I get excited for a meta I think looks cool > I try to be involved and ask for advice > I get bogged down by the way everyone seems to treat me or address me > I become disinterested.

Like, sometimes I'll mess with sample teams when I'm learning and I understand that can be frustrating to some seniors if I'm asking for advice, but isn't the point trying to have fun while you're learning how to improve? Does everyone have to dogmatically follow nothing but samples if you're new?

And if I even so much have a conversation about team structures and ask about alternates for members on teams or roles certain mons can play, of course, I need to be patronized more and be told I don't know anything and I have to sit and take more cold critiques on my plays and view of teams.

This kinda turned more into a vent about how people view greenish players but like, even still, genuinely don't know where I can go in this community and talk to people without being talked down to or being talked to like a robot. And I mean, anything about Pokemon, especially the metas here, I'd appreciate some kind of friendlier environment that doesn't put me in a bad mood for the rest if the day or makes me wanna quit the meta I'm learning.

As someone who used to get their dopamine boost from putting down people like you, I have to say that this animosity you have towards the community for how they've treated you is not only valid, but extremely common regrettably. I'd like to try to tell you about why these people act like this through my own story as one of them formerly. Very little of what I say is really going to ease your feelings on the matter, just keep this in mind.

When I first started doing Smogon stuff I just wanted to play in the tours and the community came second, not something I actively sought out. I'm sure that's how it goes for other folks. I only really got the community part after getting incredibly lucky with my situation, which basically involved someone taking a chance on me. Just one person trusting and vouching for me gave me a feeling a confidence that I didn't really have before. Respect in this community, I don't really know how valid this is, but to me it has felt very hard to come by. So as a new user, this feeling is intoxicating.

This is largely where my unhealthy obsession with Smogon starts, since from that point I would keep trying to chase this feeling while wanting to be recognized and liked by everyone. I kinda turned into the perfect SmogCorder. Desperate for attention, Being a kiss-ass to anyone with some sort of authority, and putting an insane amount of time and energy into Smogon. As my reputation, influence, and authority started to grow on site, my time on Smogon became less about the game itself and more about chasing this feeling.

When I started to be promoted to moderator positions, the feeling evolved. Being just a peer stopped being satisfying. I liked the feeling of superiority I had against other people. It was especially notable in places such as SmogCord and the RMT channels for the servers where, despite being a fledgling player still, I would routinely break the spirits of new people and contribute to dogpiles against them. As toxic as that is, I rationalized this behavior as something around the lines of "Anyone with a atypical opinion or team is a bad faith actor and should not be given any leeway if you can't immediately convince them".

When I was promoted to community leader, this passive aggressive toxicity became more overt. In the back of my mind I felt the status shielded me from any hard punishment. The aggressiveness of my behavior did not go unnoticed by those effected by it and eventually I ended up cooling down my behavior. Those chained incidents during my tenure, led me to consciously look at why I even accepted the promotion to begin with, and I realized that it was because of the access and feeling of superiority, it left me distraught. I stepped down from my staff positions a couple months after.

My feelings for Smogon Discords degraded exponentially after those incidents occurred. Realizing that the culture actively discourages new people from speaking or asking for help. A lot of moderators end up being complicit in this culture too. It was something that I felt went far beyond elitism. This environment felt disgusting to remain in, so I distanced myself from it.

I couldn't really give you tips on how to feel less frustrated with the community aspect of Smogon. Just that it's ok if you forego community in favor of independently developing as a player. Yes having friends that care about you helps a lot, this is why I'm a big advocate for jerk cords. It doesn't make the elitism that plagues Smogon community go away though. Nepotism and brand image is much too important for the new player to ignore. The new player will never be taken as seriously as a top tier player even if they are saying the same thing. All you can do is keep trying to get a foothold somewhere.

e: I forgot to mention this during my insomnia episode, but to any person reading if you feel like any of those situations sound like you, I would strongly re-evaluate your priorities to smogon to make sure you aren't harming yourself.

 

[JoshSketch]

As someone who used to get their dopamine boost from putting down people like you, I have to say that this animosity you have towards the community for how they've treated you is not only valid, but extremely common regrettably. I'd like to try to tell you about why these people act like this through my own story as one of them formerly. Very little of what I say is really going to ease your feelings on the matter, just keep this in mind.

When I first started doing Smogon stuff I just wanted to play in the tours and the community came second, not something I actively sought out. I'm sure that's how it goes for other folks. I only really got the community part after getting incredibly lucky with my situation, which basically involved someone taking a chance on me. Just one person trusting and vouching for me gave me a feeling a confidence that I didn't really have before. Respect in this community, I don't really know how valid this is, but to me it has felt very hard to come by. So as a new user, this feeling is intoxicating.

This is largely where my unhealthy obsession with Smogon starts, since from that point I would keep trying to chase this feeling while wanting to be recognized and liked by everyone. I kinda turned into the perfect SmogCorder. Desperate for attention, Being a kiss-ass to anyone with some sort of authority, and putting an insane amount of time and energy into Smogon. As my reputation, influence, and authority started to grow on site, my time on Smogon became less about the game itself and more about chasing this feeling.

When I started to be promoted to moderator positions, the feeling evolved. Being just a peer stopped being satisfying. I liked the feeling of superiority I had against other people. It was especially notable in places such as SmogCord and the RMT channels for the servers where, despite being a fledgling player still, I would routinely break the spirits of new people and contribute to dogpiles against them. As toxic as that is, I rationalized this behavior as something around the lines of "Anyone with a atypical opinion or team is a bad faith actor and should not be given any leeway if you can't immediately convince them".

When I was promoted to community leader, this passive aggressive toxicity became more overt. In the back of my mind I felt the status shielded me from any hard punishment. The aggressiveness of my behavior did not go unnoticed by those effected by it and eventually I ended up cooling down my behavior. Those chained incidents during my tenure, led me to consciously look at why I even accepted the promotion to begin with, and I realized that it was because of the access and feeling of superiority, it left me distraught. I stepped down from my staff positions a couple months after.

My feelings for Smogon Discords degraded exponentially after those incidents occurred. Realizing that the culture actively discourages new people from speaking or asking for help. A lot of moderators end up being complicit in this culture too. It was something that I felt went far beyond elitism. This environment felt disgusting to remain in, so I distanced myself from it.

I couldn't really give you tips on how to feel less frustrated with the community aspect of Smogon. Just that it's ok if you forego community in favor of independently developing as a player. Yes having friends that care about you helps a lot, this is why I'm a big advocate for jerk cords. It doesn't make the elitism that plagues Smogon community go away though. Nepotism and brand image is much too important for the new player to ignore. The new player will never be taken as seriously as a top tier player even if they are saying the same thing. All you can do is keep trying to get a foothold somewhere.

e: I forgot to mention this during my insomnia episode, but to any person reading if you feel like any of those situations sound like you, I would strongly re-evaluate your priorities to smogon to make sure you aren't harming yourself.

Honestly just hearing it from someone like yourself is reassuring that I'm not crazy. I always look to see if anyone else has the same issues as me and I never really see many people struggling with it, and I tend to wonder if it's because not many have stuck around enough to want to see improvment or they're gaslit into being told they're too sensitive. That, or the people I do talk to who seem to sympathize with me don't take what people say seriously, which sucks because as Nat said to me earlier in this thread, I should try to enjoy the community more to get away from feeling worse about myself for not improving or being as good as I'd want to be right now...so how do I not take people seriously when I'm trying to get closer with people while trying to get better AND have fun? It's just a very isolating feeling. Very much a hedgehog's dilemma.

I don't want to bring this guy up, mostly because I know he has other issues he's known for besides the post he's made, but I think about Lavos' copypasta sometimes; that one part where he says that Smogon's community "feeds on vitriol and mockery from insecure little boys that heckle by the sidelines and tear each other to shreds over scraps of attention". I know some people find that whole post laughable but more and more, whenever I read that post, *that* feels real.

Anyways, thank you for the response. In truth, it does actually make me feel a bit better and makes me just want to improve on my own. I know it's going to be hard to be a PL person without community interaction and having a semi-negative reputation, but I still want to aim high for what I want out of this hobby, because at the end of the day, all this is about fulfillment and enjoyment.

 

[pengu]

lil update

tw... maybe?

I would like to start this off by saying thank you. This community has been with me through thick and thin, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without this. Thank you to all that have shown me support, extending past just those close to me, but even the people I've hardly communicated with come and reach out just to make sure I was okay / to help. Special thanks to my closest friends from pokemon (CITK, you know who you are) for always being there <3

I've been feeling a lot better. First, I've actually started therapy! It's going great, learning new ways to cope with my anxiety. I am currently on meds for anxiety and that combined with therapy + just bettering my life has really helped. With the weight and pressure that came with school (considering I was always supposed to be "the smartest" or "the best" in the eyes of many) and swim off for now, I've taken this time to start walking around and work out more often (4 days a week for the prior, 6 days for the latter) and it has made me feel amazing. I'm glad that I'm able to have some breathing room finally.

As I have probably mentioned before, I have also come to the decision to quit swimming altogether, at least competitively (you can check my last post for more on this). While I think that I have never been truly left out of swim, the trauma I have endured as truly scarred me from ever participating in probably any sporting team for the near future. I have found other hobbies to fill the void, taking a bigger role in Smogon (C&C Mod now!!!) and focusing more on my physical health + relationships.

It's been a little over 4 months or so since I had attempted to take my own life, and I've had a lot of time to reflect during this span. My life feels more worth living now, which I feel an experience like that really helped me realize. Not only are there people that care for me out there, but they want to see me thrive too.

Of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. As I've been focusing more on my body, I've been feeling... fat? I've communicated to many people about this (for reference, I'm relatively short at around 5'6" and only 125lbs with I'd say a lean but relatively muscular build -- gym gains rahhh) and they've told me the complete opposite. Some days I'm fine and feel good, but others I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I really hope it isn't some sort of body dysmorphia because I honestly don't think I could handle that atm (I'm still rather fragile mentally atm).

Another thing I feel like I've been struggling with is motivation. I struggle to get up out of bed, feed myself, or do simple tasks without loathing it. Even sometimes on here, I'll just sit in bed and scroll and get acted for tour games, further postpone QC Checks, procrastinate summer assignments, etc. I feel often like there's no point. Not that I'm worthless, but that the given task is. I'm labeling it as a lack of motivation, though maybe I'm just lazy? I feel like it's been exacerbated because I often still have prolonged times of just doing nothing though.

ty for reading if you did, love yall

 

[Ren]

op hid so ill hide out of respect

Of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. As I've been focusing more on my body, I've been feeling... fat? I've communicated to many people about this (for reference, I'm relatively short at around 5'6" and only 125lbs with I'd say a lean but relatively muscular build -- gym gains rahhh) and they've told me the complete opposite. Some days I'm fine and feel good, but others I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I really hope it isn't some sort of body dysmorphia because I honestly don't think I could handle that atm (I'm still rather fragile mentally atm).

Another thing I feel like I've been struggling with is motivation. I struggle to get up out of bed, feed myself, or do simple tasks without loathing it. Even sometimes on here, I'll just sit in bed and scroll and get acted for tour games, further postpone QC Checks, procrastinate summer assignments, etc. I feel often like there's no point. Not that I'm worthless, but that the given task is. I'm labeling it as a lack of motivation, though maybe I'm just lazy? I feel like it's been exacerbated because I often still have prolonged times of just doing nothing though.

heya! this part of your story (for lack of a better word - apologies) resonated w/ me and looking at some of it i can see a bit of myself in bits and pieces. i'll give my perspective and what helped me personally and hope you or anyone can benefit from it.

for starters i'll talk about my experience w/ body dysmorphia and eating disorders and then my experience w/ executive dysfunction/depression. there's also a mention of sexual assault in there. for anyone else reading, those are your trigger warnings - open at your own risk

Hide

growing up id always have people (parents, their friends etc) commenting on my body and my food choices which resulted in a pretty unhealthy relationship with my body pretty quickly. it got to the point where during high school id prefer to eat lunch by myself in a classroom because i didnt want people to watch me eat food. i also wasnt able to go on a scale for a while just because i was too afraid of what itd say. because i couldnt eat food in front of people, id eat when i was alone/when my family was out of the house so i could eat super small portions in front of them to avoid those comments. i wanted to still eat so they wouldnt ask questions, but i wanted to eat little enough so that they wouldnt make any comments. whenever i was in front of a mirror, id spend a bit of time just belittling myself for every flaw i perceived. i think the thing that hurt the most was when i was sexually assaulted and my ex didn't believe me because i "wasn't hot enough" to be sexually assaulted. that isn't all of it (i'd have to say a lot more), but all of this to say that while i wasn't in your exact situation, it was close.

what helped me w/ this wasn't avoiding the mirror but rather just standing in front of it and starting to name things i liked about my appearance. i really liked the natural tan i have. i love that my brown eyes look golden in certain lighting. i love my black hair. and as i grew more comfortable w/ my body, i was able to figure out more about how i didnt really care what my body looked like. there's no shame in being fat - everyone's beautiful, and i'm not saying that for the sake of body positivity. i've seen so many absolutely gorgeous people who are fat. it's not a bad word and it's not a bad thing to be. im a lot slimmer now because my favorite foods have shifted (i typically go for lighter, more refreshing meals) but it'd be fine if i was fat too. the way i see it, though, is that you have to be secure in your own body somehow. for me that came from naming things i liked about my appearance. maybe it'd look different for you, though! and it's fully fine if it does. but the unfortunate reality is that we're all our own worst critic. your build doesn't sound fat at all - it'd be fine if you were, but if you don't want to be fat i won't fault you. different people want different things for their appearance. but a stranger on the internet or your friends telling you those affirmations can only go so far.

as for the second part - from my pov, it was tough. i have ADHD, but i was also depressed for a LONG time, so it was hard for me to know when i was okay because i have executive dysfunction. for those who may not know, that's a term for when your brain knows what to do, but it struggles to actually begin the task. an analogy i saw was that to your brain, doing that task is like touching a hot stove in that you can want to do it, but your brain will put itself through hell to stop you. i dont know if that's your situation or if it's lingering effects of depression or anything - but i'll tell you what worked for me. breaking stuff down into small, bite-sized tasks was one thing that helped me. in the later years of my undergrad id split everything up into small, manageable tasks that would take 10 minutes at most. for when that wasn't possible, i'd put on one of my favorite albums and just be like "ok im working on this task until im finished or until the album ends and then im done". making deals w/ myself helped a lot. i also always treated myself to food when i finished something (perks of healing the stuff i talked about before). and if all else fails - you might just have to get really good at touching the stove. i'm unmedicated btw so i can't say if medication helps or not, realistically though there's definitely a lot of people on this site who are neurodivergent and a sizable amount probably take medication so maybe they can shed more light on this.

also - mental health is like legos. if you're building a wall made entirely of green legos (for good mental health) but you start using red legos because you cant find green legos (for bad mental health and when you cant make it good) then the red legos will compound. removing the red legos is great, but it's a process to remove all of them. removing one brick is progress and deserves to be celebrated! and similarly, if you find other red bricks, it'll be a thing to celebrate when you remove them too.

anyway all of that to say - your struggle is unique because you yourself are unique, but there have been people in similar positions and there will be people in similar positions. the comfort is knowing you have a community behind you always. no one person's gonna have all the right answers, but we can talk to each other and talk about what worked and what didnt. that's how we progress and there's no shame in that!

 

[carcolh eater]

man, ocd is eating away at my mental health. it's so easy to spiral like i am right now. thankfully, i can put a name on it so i guess i'll be okay, i don't see

 

[Celebiii]

man, ocd is eating away at my mental health. it's so easy to spiral like i am right now. thankfully, i can put a name on it so i guess i'll be okay, i don't see

Will refer you to a now quite old post of mine with a bunch of resources for helping to manage OCD: https://www.smogon.com/forums/threads/the-mental-wellness-thread.3578642/post-9057039. I know how much of a struggle it can be and the spiral can be so nasty but you are absolutely right that knowing what you are dealing with helps a ton. I hope the post helps you find some good strategies for managing your OCD too :)

 

[Local Dog]

I've been struggling bad with employment since I lost my last job after I got sick

job market is impossible man. I just want a job I can make some money and take it easy so I can focus on my studies, it's incredible how hard that is to find

so coming back to this

maybe regular employment just isn't for me?

I am right now studying again and I am volunteering in a developmental aid project and at a school, and I am kinda enjoying life more than ever before. I am completely broke but I am still more chill than ever

I will try to get part-time employment at the school and continue to study. Maybe when I am finished, I'll continue working in a school or developmental aid setting and try to not fall into a regular day schedule, I feel like having a daily routine is affecting my mental health very badly. I honestly enjoy educating myself so much, it sounds dumb but I get so much joy from learning, if I can get a part-time job at the school and get to work at my institute long term, educate myself throughout my life and try to keep it varied, I could genuinely be very happy, at least for a few years. The 9-5 office job has ground me down to dust, the irregular educator and volunteer roles I have done the last couple of months have completely build me back stronger

I need to see how this will work out. I hope it will work out. Any day where I just sit in front of a PC answering E-Mails is a day wasted, most days I spent teaching kids and studying is enjoyable

 

[toshimelonhead]

so coming back to this

maybe regular employment just isn't for me?

I am right now studying again and I am volunteering in a developmental aid project and at a school, and I am kinda enjoying life more than ever before. I am completely broke but I am still more chill than ever

I will try to get part-time employment at the school and continue to study. Maybe when I am finished, I'll continue working in a school or developmental aid setting and try to not fall into a regular day schedule, I feel like having a daily routine is affecting my mental health very badly. I honestly enjoy educating myself so much, it sounds dumb but I get so much joy from learning, if I can get a part-time job at the school and get to work at my institute long term, educate myself throughout my life and try to keep it varied, I could genuinely be very happy, at least for a few years. The 9-5 office job has ground me down to dust, the irregular educator and volunteer roles I have done the last couple of months have completely build me back stronger

I need to see how this will work out. I hope it will work out. Any day where I just sit in front of a PC answering E-Mails is a day wasted, most days I spent teaching kids and studying is enjoyable

I'd separate a few things here. It may have been the job and not the hours that was the problem. I wouldn't discount full-time just because it didn't work before. Irregular work is more flexible, but the tradeoff is stability. Both are valid options. Your last sentence tells me where you want to go next and I'd pursue that in your situation.

 

[Local Dog]

I'd separate a few things here. It may have been the job and not the hours that was the problem. I wouldn't discount full-time just because it didn't work before. Irregular work is more flexible, but the tradeoff is stability. Both are valid options. Your last sentence tells me where you want to go next and I'd pursue that in your situation.

yeah I suppose that is true

I will try some things out. It sounds dumb but becoming a developmental aid worker for a few years (I am studying international development and its pretty easy to get into the work field once I finish), coming back for some academic and teaching work would be a good path for me at a certain point. If I can get an employment contract during my studies, I can always come back to work at schools. I think its really such the 9-5 office work that has been grinding me down bad

 

[Fishy]

yeah I suppose that is true

I will try some things out. It sounds dumb but becoming a developmental aid worker for a few years (I am studying international development and its pretty easy to get into the work field once I finish), coming back for some academic and teaching work would be a good path for me at a certain point. If I can get an employment contract during my studies, I can always come back to work at schools. I think its really such the 9-5 office work that has been grinding me down bad

it's grinding you down because you're not actually gaining anything from it, besides a paycheck. it doesn't challenge your mind or body -- when we are ultimately forcing ourselves to do stuff we SINCERELY don't want to do (not the same as not wanting to exercise, or eat vegetables) we're basically putting ourselves into a survival mode: just do whatever it takes to reach relief, to find the point where you don't have to "survive" through the event, which in this case is a dreadful 9-5 office job. if there were any parts of the job you liked, it wouldn't be grinding you as hard. some of the worst jobs are still bearable if we have access to nearby foods, or we like our coworkers, or if there is just ONE sliver of a benefit to being in a place, doing some activity we otherwise don't want to do. without any perceived perks to enjoy while we choose to endure, then we are merely suffering. it's not so dramatic as much as it can be factual!

so let the reality that you DO NOT have to work in the office forever, be a brief respite in your mind. it's okay to acknowledge your dislike of your current state without then indulging in the WOE IS MEEE LIFE IS TERRIBLE impulse we humans like to do.... always acknowledge where your locus of control is. each of us maintains an external locus of control via the weather -- we do not decide the weather, it decides itself and then happens to us. with an internal locus of control, we can grab a rain jacket or seek shade from the hot heat if we so desire.

so fret not -- sometimes we only need to do something DIFFERENTLY to prove to ourselves that life is not just happening to us, but is rather the product of our choices. so often we might feel guilty over choosing to do things purely for survival, like working a job we hate -- but the desire to survive is fundamental, and we should thank ourselves whenever we find ourselves still choosing to survive.

i too love being in learning environments, and going back to school in my late twenties after having stopped in my early 20s was one of the best decisions i ever made. it was like i had FORGOTTEN i could add more to my life, be it knowledge, experiences, and new people.

hate is not the opposite of love.... the opposite is indifference. similarly, misery is not the opposite of happiness... the opposite is complacency. if you are at your job and you are alive enough to acknowledge that you HATE IT!!!!!--that's a good thing! so rather than fester with your awareness, continue branching out possible realities, which it sounds like you're in the middle of doing !!

maybe got a little rambly in there, but my sentiment is simple: so long as you are alive, you have the ability to make choices and change your life.

don't be afraid to try!

 

[JoshSketch]

Thought about killing myself again today. I really don't want to call the hotline or get baker acted again, so I just drove and did uber for the day. i think a lot about all the opportunities that i've lost; how hope was my future feels and how hard it is to actually survive in the present. i wanted to be a cartoonist, now i'm barely scraping by trying to get electrical jobs an even still cant maintain a job because of how bad the market is in my area and how oversaturated the workforce is.

Besides that, I don't feel seen. I've never had a girlfriend (okay I had one for a month but she cheated on me twice with the same guy), I can't remember the last time I've been happy without the use of edibles, parents are just passively there emotionally in my life and I feel like I burden them, all my friends have moved away or have gotten families, and i'm still fucking struggling at 27. Every social media app makes me feel worse, every project feels like a dead end for me, and any attempt to give myself value feels like it's just a fucking failure.

I'm religious, too, and while my faith isn't wavering, I really just don't feel like talking to God anymore. it's not that I don't believe in Him anymore, it's just that I'm angry. You say all these prayers and you expect some kind of answer or result, like a lot of people say eventually happens but life goes on. This is probably the only thing that's really keeping myself from killing myself because I don't wanna go to Hell, but man, it would be nice to just escape life. I fantasize about being cryogenically frozen and skipping forward a hundred years in the future so I can have a fresh, new life. I'm sick of the people around me. I'm sick of the situations that the world is in. I'm sick of feeling like a ghost.

 

[QuickBH]

Thought about killing myself again today. I really don't want to call the hotline or get baker acted again, so I just drove and did uber for the day. i think a lot about all the opportunities that i've lost; how hope was my future feels and how hard it is to actually survive in the present. i wanted to be a cartoonist, now i'm barely scraping by trying to get electrical jobs an even still cant maintain a job because of how bad the market is in my area and how oversaturated the workforce is.

Besides that, I don't feel seen. I've never had a girlfriend (okay I had one for a month but she cheated on me twice with the same guy), I can't remember the last time I've been happy without the use of edibles, parents are just passively there emotionally in my life and I feel like I burden them, all my friends have moved away or have gotten families, and i'm still fucking struggling at 27. Every social media app makes me feel worse, every project feels like a dead end for me, and any attempt to give myself value feels like it's just a fucking failure.

Dude if your parents love you they would rather go in debt to save you than have you die before them. Your parents only have a limited amount of time to use whatever money you're thinking you're saving and none of this material stuff will carry over to the next. I'm in the exact same age range as you and also in a rough spot financially but life is extremely temporary and if you're really set on dying young than you should at least do everything you've wanted to do to all feasible extents, and chances if you do you'll find out that life is actually worth staying for until the very end.

I'm religious, too, and while my faith isn't wavering, I really just don't feel like talking to God anymore. it's not that I don't believe in Him anymore, it's just that I'm angry. You say all these prayers and you expect some kind of answer or result, like a lot of people say eventually happens but life goes on. This is probably the only thing that's really keeping myself from killing myself because I don't wanna go to Hell, but man, it would be nice to just escape life. I fantasize about being cryogenically frozen and skipping forward a hundred years in the future so I can have a fresh, new life. I'm sick of the people around me. I'm sick of the situations that the world is in. I'm sick of feeling like a ghost.

I struggled with the problem of evil for a long time as well, but ultimately I saw children in third world countries smiling without legs and realized how much of suffering is in the mind. Life is too temporary to fill it with anything but positive experiences, and even feeling pain simply means you feel like you've lost a state of comfort you wish to return to. I believe in a constant and unchanging God, and not one that directly punishes or judges people as a result. Following the example of Bruce Lee, I pray that I change myself to be strong enough to handle the challenges I'm given, as I think they exist to strengthen my soul for the next world, rather than pray that God does things to change me. Martial arts has been a positive influence for me as it feels like a practical combination of my physical body and spiritual soul, but any sort of physical activity helps and if you lack any money nature walks or even calisthenics is something I highly recommend. If you're wanting to die then you don't have much to lose by trying in any case.

 

[Eledyr]

Slowly but surely, I'm starting to realize something. It's been 5 years until now that I have been going through therapy, initially for a depressive episode, now for multiple other issues including paranoid episodes and generalized anxiety. There's been ups and downs, but despite this, there's something that bothers me a lot. Ever since I go to therapy, no matter what I do, I've never felt like "before". The most annoying part of that is that I've lost my ability to focus, and it's a real pain in the ass. I used to be a top performing student, able to focus for hours. But now, I can't go for more than 20 minutes without losing my focus. It's incredibly hard to swallow for me, because it's not a lack of motivation. It's a real inability to focus anymore. Studying has become almost impossible for me, because past 15-20 minutes, I hit a sort of wall, and my ability to remember things become incredibly poor. This is by far the biggest issue, but only this but also a more vicious thing is that I feel numb all the time. Feel positive feelings is much harder, not to mention that I developed sleep issues, and I'm quite confident to think that this is connected to everything stated before.

I will most likely talk about it to my psychiatrist the next time I see them. Talking about it is really relieving. If some people shares this experience, any advices would be good.

I wish everyone reading this a nice week. Please take care of yourselves.

 

[QuickBH]

I won't pretend that I don't struggle with the ability to focus and concentrate on my goals especially when I've lost a lot of the safety nets I used to have, but I will also say that you can't feel like "before" because the past is over and the circumstances you had in the past are impossible to recreate. Focusing on what's done now and how you're adapting has helped made me feel better about certain decisions, and even though I'm going slower than I originally intended I also know there was a world where I never sat down and did anything, and so I'm treating any minor steps as improvement, and when a delay happens I simply have to begrudgingly accept it and keep moving instead of letting the fear of being left behind consume me.

 

[Adeleine]

depressive
generalized anxiety
There's been ups and downs
no matter what I do, I've never felt like "before"
I used to be a top performing student
Studying has become almost impossible for me
I feel numb all the time
Feel positive feelings is much harder
I developed sleep issues
I'm quite confident to think that this is connected to everything

Yep, I can sure relate to most of what you're going through!

Qualifier: I understand motivation (and psych stuff more generally) more, and mechanics of focus (and "physicality?" or instrumentality more generally) less, so I'm going to talk about what I know. I have some good points, but I want to make clear that my emphasis on motivation over focus mechanics comes from my understanding base, and does not imply that motivation / psych is the only important thing. Both matter.

Having spent many years digging into my motivation, I've learned that there are many kinds of motivation. I was extremely motivated in my goals, and when I ran into walls, I doubled and tripled down on my motivation. But my motivation was imbalanced, very focused on some types over others, which made my walls harder to overcome. I burned myself out pretty badly and unhealthily, building and spending more and more fire to destroy my walls with brute force, and increasing my motivation balance has helped a lot. Again, mechanics and instrumentality is not my strong point, but I've found preliminary observations to suggest this type of psych management intertwines with the types of focus abilities you're after in some way, though I do not know the specifics.

I can't dig inside your mind to confirm that your motivation is unbalanced, but your situation resembles mine in many ways, so I'd encourage you to think about how, specifically, your motivation works, and whether you may have a blind spot in your motivation.

Here are some questions to help kick-start that thinking.

What are specific ideas and goals that motivate me? Are these specific ideas, in turn, motivated by other ideas behind?
Am I more motivated to achieve the outcomes I want, or to follow the process I want?
Am I more motivated for small-scale, compartmentalized, achievable goals, or large-scale, inter-connected goals that take long periods of time and effort to complete, or giant-scale, abstract, contextual, goals and values I can only improve and help without fully solving and ending?
Am I more motivated for my personal benefit, or the benefit of others?
Is there anything I feel like restricts my freedom, imprisons me, anything I feel I absolutely cannot do? Am I correctly distinguishing between guiding mental principles – total chaos and total lockdown are both unhelpful – and unfair, unhelpful restrictions?

All parts of all of these axes are valuable. Motivation is complicated and nobody gets it perfectly right – I encourage you not to burn yourself out trying to complete that impossible task by laser pinning-down every part of every axis.

Instead, if you realize you have a blind spot somewhere along these files, or along other axes, improving that blind spot is an opportunity to feel better and more comprehensively motivated, instead of just increasing power on specific types of motivation until you pass out.

_

I also agree with QuickBH that feeling exactly like before is not the goal. That's part of growing into adulthood for everyone. You want a good state for yourself now, which may not be the same as your good states of the past, because you may have different needs and wants.

His other advice is good. I'll give you a different set of advice that isn't disagreeing with his, but just comes from my own particular perspective, because lots of perspectives can create lots of different wisdom.

If you feel a desire to feel like before, think about what specifically you want from that prior time. You might want a combination of specific and general things. If you want specific things from before, you can pursue them now – you don't have to be in the same complete mentality as before to pursue specific shared goals. If you want general things from before, you can use your current mentality to pursue them in ways that make sense for your current mentality.

Best wishes. It can be tough out there, but it can be very possible to achieve good things, today and eventually, too.

 

[skype]

for anyone that stumbles across this

tw probably

so i'm at a point where i just feel miserable more often than not and i don't really know what to do with myself anymore. a lot of it comes from home and that's probably been building for longer than anything else here. my family situation has been incredibly stressful for pretty much as long as i can remember and i've never really felt like i've been given much room to become my own person. my parents are involved in practically every part of my life and there isn't much separation between home and anything else either; one of my parents literally works at my SCHOOL, which probably gives some idea of how suffocating it can feel sometimes. i want independence more than anything, not even in some dramatic "run away and never come back" thing lol i wouldn't even make it, i just want the chance to actually figure out who i am when i'm not constantly dealing with the same environment and the same people. i hate admitting this too but i think being angry and stressed for so long has changed me. i'm quicker to snap at people, i have less patience than i used to, and sometimes i catch myself being colder/meaner than i actually want to be. i don't like that version of myself at all (i genuinely despise people like that) and i don't want this to be the person i grow into :(

relationships are hard, boyfriends suck, and having really strict parents definitely doesn't make any of this easier either. i feel like i'm constantly trying to deal with one thing after another and i'm just tired of everything feeling so complicated all the time, and the ONE serious relationship i did have ending has honestly made me feel a lot worse mentally like it completely set me off. there's not really anything i can do about it either, which is probably the hardest part. i can't fix it or force things back to how they were, i just have to accept that it's over even though i really don't want to

and i think all of that has made some of the other problems i already had much worse. i've struggled with anorexia and the way i see my body for a while, and it's exhausting having my perception of myself change depending on what i think other people see when they look at me. i can know that my thoughts about my appearance aren't reliable and still feel completely convinced by them anyway. i've also developed a pretty unhealthy relationship with substances (which i'd rather not go into specifics about bc it's not really relevant here) and that's become another way of shutting my brain up when i don't want to deal with whatever i'm feeling. i think the common thread through a lot of this is that i'm constantly reaching outside of myself for something that will finally make me feel okay. sometimes that's changing my appearance, sometimes it's attention from someone, sometimes it's hoping i'll hear from my ex, sometimes it's getting out of my own head however i can. i'll latch onto whatever the next thing is and convince myself that once i have it i'll finally feel better, and then either it doesn't happen and i feel awful or it does happen and the feeling barely lasts anyway

i think i'm just exhausted from needing other people to tell me how i'm supposed to feel about myself. i spend so much energy wondering whether i'm attractive enough, interesting enough, wanted enough, whether people like me, whether somebody is thinking about me, and somewhere along the way i've realised i don't really know how to give any of that reassurance to myself. i don't want the rest of my life to just be me bouncing between different ways of escaping myself while waiting for the circumstances around me to finally change lol

 

[pengu]

hiding for privacy

i think i'm just exhausted from needing other people to tell me how i'm supposed to feel about myself. i spend so much energy wondering whether i'm attractive enough, interesting enough, wanted enough, whether people like me, whether somebody is thinking about me, and somewhere along the way i've realised i don't really know how to give any of that reassurance to myself. i don't want the rest of my life to just be me bouncing between different ways of escaping myself while waiting for the circumstances around me to finally change lol

this paragraph really hit hard for me and i feel like i just have to respond. from personal experiences, once you build a reliance on human affirmation, it becomes really hard to find that affirmation within yourself. feeling needed is something that i used to and kinda still always desire, as i assume you do too. it's impossible, even. but it's not; it may feel that way, but it's not. something i always recommend as a starting step is therapy. it's truly one of the best feelings to just dump to someone who can't judge / doesn't know you and wants nothing but for you to get better. something that has helped me find reassurance within myself is just exercising, honestly. doing any kind of movement; hitting the gym, going for a walk, swimming, etc. even just sitting down and listing your strengths and shifting your mindset to focus on positives (which is really difficult, but possible) can be little changes in your day that i promise will make you feel better about yourself. having that want to feel desired and if you're attractive, interesting, or wanted enough can also sprout from the people you surround yourself with; this happened to be a big thing for me. i used to surround myself with people who found self-deprecating humorous and i ended up being the butt of far too many jokes, to a point where it lead me down a dark path. now, i've found new people who i feel genuinely care for me and i genuinely care for them. it took time, but i got there. you can also try setting little goals, once that make you feel better. maybe it's achieving something in a game or school or making a new friend, but setting little goals can help lead you towards self improvement and make you feel better about yourself

i commend you for feeling brave enough to even present yourself online, as many can't do that themselves. you can do this!!! <3

 

[skype]

this paragraph really hit hard for me and i feel like i just have to respond. from personal experiences, once you build a reliance on human affirmation, it becomes really hard to find that affirmation within yourself. feeling needed is something that i used to and kinda still always desire, as i assume you do too. it's impossible, even. but it's not; it may feel that way, but it's not. something i always recommend as a starting step is therapy. it's truly one of the best feelings to just dump to someone who can't judge / doesn't know you and wants nothing but for you to get better. something that has helped me find reassurance within myself is just exercising, honestly. doing any kind of movement; hitting the gym, going for a walk, swimming, etc. even just sitting down and listing your strengths and shifting your mindset to focus on positives (which is really difficult, but possible) can be little changes in your day that i promise will make you feel better about yourself. having that want to feel desired and if you're attractive, interesting, or wanted enough can also sprout from the people you surround yourself with; this happened to be a big thing for me. i used to surround myself with people who found self-deprecating humorous and i ended up being the butt of far too many jokes, to a point where it lead me down a dark path. now, i've found new people who i feel genuinely care for me and i genuinely care for them. it took time, but i got there. you can also try setting little goals, once that make you feel better. maybe it's achieving something in a game or school or making a new friend, but setting little goals can help lead you towards self improvement and make you feel better about yourself

i commend you for feeling brave enough to even present yourself online, as many can't do that themselves. you can do this!!! <3

thank you, this genuinely means a lot to me i think the part about building a reliance on affirmation from other people is probably one of the biggest things i need to work on, because at this point i don't even really know how to reassure myself without needing it from someone else first

therapy is something i've thought about too, and honestly i probably do need that kind of space where i can just talk about everything without worrying about how it affects the person i'm talking to maybe + the people you surround yourself with really do matter, i agree. i've been in far too many toxic friendships to think otherwise

thank you for taking the time to write all of this, seriously <3

 

[Sugarbear]

In January I passed my CompTIA A+ IT exam. I have been searching for jobs ever since, and I've endured hundreds of auto generated rejection emails. And that's when the companies can be bothered to even do that. I've had numerous interviews, but I've been rejected for all of them. The last couple I've been told I came across well, but they wanted someone with more experience. For an entry level role. I'm more frustrated than I've ever been before. The last few weeks have been especially tough. Last night I dreamt I passed a job interview, and I woke up crying when I realised it wasn't true. I haven't felt like I've had much energy the last few weeks, and every day just feels like a slog until bedtime. And I'm barely sleeping either.

I haven't had thoughts about self harming, nor have I been wishing I was dead. But there have been times when if I got a cancer diagnosis I wouldn't bother getting it treated. I have also found myself thinking that of all those millions of sperms, why did mine have to get to the egg first? Why did I have to be me? The things that used to bring me excitement just don't now. I've been looking forward to Fire Emblem Fortune's Weave ever since it was first announced. I love the Fire Emblem series, I have ever since I first played Sacred Stones on the GBA. Playing through the entire series is on my bucket list. But even though it's less than a week away, I just don't feel anything.

 

[DerpySuX]

My depression has been getting really bad again, not helped by the fact that I’ve been really bad about remembering to take my medication recently.

I really need to make some changes but it feels so hard to do anything especially when I fall back into a slump and just completely stop doing everything I’m not required to do. I want to start working out and losing some weight but I’m so self conscious about myself and have some pretty severe body dysmorphia. I should really save up to start seeing a therapist again, I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life and I can feel myself regressing currently and it’s scaring me a lot.

 

[LHF]

In January I passed my CompTIA A+ IT exam. I have been searching for jobs ever since, and I've endured hundreds of auto generated rejection emails. And that's when the companies can be bothered to even do that. I've had numerous interviews, but I've been rejected for all of them. The last couple I've been told I came across well, but they wanted someone with more experience. For an entry level role. I'm more frustrated than I've ever been before. The last few weeks have been especially tough. Last night I dreamt I passed a job interview, and I woke up crying when I realised it wasn't true. I haven't felt like I've had much energy the last few weeks, and every day just feels like a slog until bedtime. And I'm barely sleeping either.

I haven't had thoughts about self harming, nor have I been wishing I was dead. But there have been times when if I got a cancer diagnosis I wouldn't bother getting it treated. I have also found myself thinking that of all those millions of sperms, why did mine have to get to the egg first? Why did I have to be me? The things that used to bring me excitement just don't now. I've been looking forward to Fire Emblem Fortune's Weave ever since it was first announced. I love the Fire Emblem series, I have ever since I first played Sacred Stones on the GBA. Playing through the entire series is on my bucket list. But even though it's less than a week away, I just don't feel anything.

Do yourself a favor and disregard anything that these interviewers tell you. They are trained to de-escalate any potential problems and handle rejections in the most corporatespeak/blase ways possible. They will never tell you anything problematic or what they "actually" didn't like about you.

I wish I could give you a magic formula but there is none. This job market is a complete piece of shit and you won't see me arguing that. "Entry level" roles are just tagged that way for search algorithms. But as of right now, the only thing I can tell you to do is to keep going. Get more skills in your free time and toss out applications like a frisbee when you're not.

If you sincerely feel nothing as you say you do, then that should not be hard to do, but the truth is you're hurting and frustrated and I think there is no shame in being honest with yourself over that. Repressing your emotions is a plague that will eat away at you over time. Feel them, but don't let them rule you. When you say "why did I have to be me?", do not dare think for a second that you would be any different in the job market if you were someone else.

If you don't like who you are, you can change yourself within reason, but I don't get the sense you want to - nor SHOULD you, for that matter. I think you want a small win for once after a series of what feels like beatdowns, and there is no shame in that.

Wait till next week. Enjoy your new game. I'm sure once you turn it on it will be a bit of an escape from your problems, and sometimes even a fleeting moment of enjoyment is cause enough to celebrate. And as mentally taxing as it is to get continual rejections, you will eventually get "some" sort of break. For now, I would suggest at least gifting yourself a small period of time a day where you allow yourself some happiness. It sounds like this game is coming out at the exact right time for you.

My depression has been getting really bad again, not helped by the fact that I’ve been really bad about remembering to take my medication recently.

I really need to make some changes but it feels so hard to do anything especially when I fall back into a slump and just completely stop doing everything I’m not required to do. I want to start working out and losing some weight but I’m so self conscious about myself and have some pretty severe body dysmorphia. I should really save up to start seeing a therapist again, I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life and I can feel myself regressing currently and it’s scaring me a lot.

Start small. If you are seriously spiraling and find it hard to "start" working out, you are not going to become a disciplined gym goer overnight. Get yourself to walk for 10 minutes a day outdoors every day for a week. Make it a "requirement" for yourself if you have to, if that's what's going to get your brain to do it. Then up it to 15, 20, 30 etc. Walking is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, and it's not something you should give up if and when you work up the ability to make it into the gym.

When we are at our lowest we start romanticizing all these magical changes we can do that will alleviate the problems we have. But Rome isn't built in a day. Incrementally building up tolerance for new things may be slower than burning every bridge and going "all in", but it also makes you far more likely to succeed at them. Don't ever forget that doing something, no matter how small, is better than doing nothing.

And by the way, I'm actually "happy" you feel yourself scared of regressing. That's a sign that you want to do better for yourself, and you will, if you take it seriously. Good luck.

 

[EB]

Hi

I don't know how to start this, but i really havent been feeling myself motivated with this game, and i havent been feeling motivated with my life in general. Honestly this is absolutely nothing compared to some of the stories that i readed here but i wanted to share them with someone and i thought this thread was a good chance

All things considered, i'm a very lucky person, without big economic issues and with a family and friends that support me. I also haven't passed a lot of difficulties but somehow i feel extremely tired and unmotivated in both irl and mons.

I want to start with mons part first. I've been playing this game seriously for almost a year and i've been feeling like my progress was extremely mediocre. A lot of the times i can't think with clarity in the middle of a game and i end up doing completely stupid moves, and that frustrates me a lot. I also don't feel like i have a clear goal here and i end up stuck in the same place. Most of my friends in this game have clear directions and are much more focused and motivated than me, that i feel like sometimes i'm completely out of focus, and that i play without a direction nor a goal and that unmotivates me.

I'm having extremely mediocre performances in almost every tour i joined both individuals and teamtours (there is even a tour where i'm 0-5 LOL, fortunately it's UURPG that it's more about doing missions so my specific record doesnt matter that much), and in more than 10 teamtours i played i can only count 3 where i went positive or even neutral, and none of those by a big margin. I keep playing because of the friends i made along the way, that have been amazing people and i had some of the nicest experiences of my life with them, but i definitively don't feel like i can keep up with them

On irl side, that i think is the more important part here, sometimes i feel like i'm not motivated to do anything and my mind is a mess, i end up procrastinating my responsabilities to an alarming degree, i end up forgetting to do stuff that is extremely easy to do and i'm not enjoying to do almost anything tbh. Most of the time i end up just listening music on my earphones, playing mons or chatting in internet and i'm feeling like every day i'm more and more isolated irl. I started noticing i was becoming more irritable and less sociable than usual and that things that were usually very easy for me to do are becoming harder. Also my relationship with my parents is becoming worse because of that

I spoke some of those things with my psychologist but i still dont know how to handle this situation. I know the problem probably is that i'm too chronically online. My mom has suggested me a lot to do a course or try activities outside but i havent done any of those atm and every time i want to do a plan with my irl friends they make it so fucking hard to organise so i kinda gave up. I also stopped doing swimming some months ago because i went on vacations and after that i couldnt regain the momentum again when i stopped.

Idk if all of this is a signup of a bigger issue or its just me being a lazy bumass

 

[OceanicGamer]

Hi

I don't know how to start this, but i really havent been feeling myself motivated with this game, and i havent been feeling motivated with my life in general. Honestly this is absolutely nothing compared to some of the stories that i readed here but i wanted to share them with someone and i thought this thread was a good chance

All things considered, i'm a very lucky person, without big economic issues and with a family and friends that support me. I also haven't passed a lot of difficulties but somehow i feel extremely tired and unmotivated in both irl and mons.

I want to start with mons part first. I've been playing this game seriously for almost a year and i've been feeling like my progress was extremely mediocre. A lot of the times i can't think with clarity in the middle of a game and i end up doing completely stupid moves, and that frustrates me a lot. I also don't feel like i have a clear goal here and i end up stuck in the same place. Most of my friends in this game have clear directions and are much more focused and motivated than me, that i feel like sometimes i'm completely out of focus, and that i play without a direction nor a goal and that unmotivates me.

I'm having extremely mediocre performances in almost every tour i joined both individuals and teamtours (there is even a tour where i'm 0-5 LOL, fortunately it's UURPG that it's more about doing missions so my specific record doesnt matter that much), and in more than 10 teamtours i played i can only count 3 where i went positive or even neutral, and none of those by a big margin. I keep playing because of the friends i made along the way, that have been amazing people and i had some of the nicest experiences of my life with them, but i definitively don't feel like i can keep up with them

On irl side, that i think is the more important part here, sometimes i feel like i'm not motivated to do anything and my mind is a mess, i end up procrastinating my responsabilities to an alarming degree, i end up forgetting to do stuff that is extremely easy to do and i'm not enjoying to do almost anything tbh. Most of the time i end up just listening music on my earphones, playing mons or chatting in internet and i'm feeling like every day i'm more and more isolated irl. I started noticing i was becoming more irritable and less sociable than usual and that things that were usually very easy for me to do are becoming harder. Also my relationship with my parents is becoming worse because of that

I spoke some of those things with my psychologist but i still dont know how to handle this situation. I know the problem probably is that i'm too chronically online. My mom has suggested me a lot to do a course or try activities outside but i havent done any of those atm and every time i want to do a plan with my irl friends they make it so fucking hard to organise so i kinda gave up. I also stopped doing swimming some months ago because i went on vacations and after that i couldnt regain the momentum again when i stopped.

Idk if all of this is a signup of a bigger issue or its just me being a lazy bumass

hey! long time lurker here, decided to come respond here because I feel wholly the same as you do- no reason to feel bad but do anyway. I have had the same feelings as you have for a while, and even if they are diminished now, some days I have no real motive to keep going, despite many people looking at me with potential, both irl and mons.

I am actually going to combine the two aspects of your post- mons + irl- into one, because I feel like the issue is correlated alot (it is for me). My main issue with myself was that I had very little self-confidence, and whatever self-confidence I had was connected to mons. I still don't consider myself a strong player, but even I can tell I am much better than before. I connected my whole self-worth to my mons games, and as I was losing alot it created a toxic cycle that was really hard to break out of. Eventually, irl studies forced me to stop mons for a little bit, and honestly I can say that was one of the best things for mons, I could go back to a fresh mindset + getting done with irl stuff helped me relax alot more

I honestly think that you may be going something similar too, most of your motivation is mons motivation and when that is gone so is your entire mindset. I genuinely think taking a break from mons and tours is a good thing to do. Detach your mindset away from mons, and have it be focused around something else. Its hard! I have been drawing for a bit as well as having such hard classes means that mons is no longer that serious. I want to point out "end up just listening music on my earphones." I think this is good! Letting your mind wander and relax can just be really nice, maybe you can integrate going for walks as well, that can help so much. I don't think talking to people irl too much is a bad thing, it isn't the same as the real thing but it is so much more accessible that the tradeoff is worth it. That being said, cutting it down can help as well. During summer I fell into a depressive state, my parents legit do not let me out for non-school stuff and I could only do mons stuff- which I was burning out of. What I did over the summer was tours but instead of hard grinding them, I did relaxed prep. I did alot of resting and doing nothing, but after a while I was aching for school to start (it started a week ago and i alr hate it LOL but im stimulated now yipe!). People ALWAYS say pick up a hobby, and I agree but do not feel pressured in the slightest to find something you can stick with. I tried chess, free writing and new language learning, before deciding on drawing/free coding and even then I don't do it much. Just try stuff, stimulating your mind is very important, and keeping it stimulated until something big happens in your life will be a big help. And something big WILL happen, life is very weird like that haha.

I do wanna talk about your tournament woes. You said you only went positive in 3/10 of your tours. I also have been in 10 team tours (just counted) and I only got positive in two of them, but that is "balanced" out by me going winless in two tours as well. The culture on this site makes it seems like numbers on a sheet is everything, and that any bad numbers means you are bad. However, if you put effort, and your managers see your effort, and most importantly, you are having fun- I would consider that a successful team tour. You just gotta keep at it, keep going, keep trying, but only do so if your motivation is there- if you play without it you will only stunt your growth and make you hate the game more

TLDR: you might have a toxic relationship with mons in general, i suggest a break from tours at least. tour records are dumb as fuck, just try to have fun and learn mons is a game (surprisingly)

you have my discord, feel free to DM me for anything man, i can try to help.

have a good day to whoever is reading this <3