zystral's problems

[Zystral]

sorry for not having a proper title, i really couldn't come up with something better

i've been having a few problems lately and nobody i normally go to is available to help. so i thought i could talk to smogon.

those who i consider close would know that until not too long ago i was going through a bit of depression and detachment. i won't go through that here, but around a month ago i did feel an improvement after months of therapy and was on the right track again.

sadly not long after (read: now), i realise ive only been running from my problems rather than fixing myself..

that troubles me.

then the fact that i am troubled troubles me.

then the fact that i have more than one trouble troubles me.

so sitting here now, looking at my life from the outside (metaphorically, or as metaphorically as that phrase can be), i am displeased over the fact that my own walls haven't been knocked down. on the contrary they're hardly dented. at most it looks like a 5-year old has crashed a helicopter delivering a payload of paint into them. and so i am at a loss of sorts. it is not so bad that i will spiral back into depression and a a need for daily therapy, but i am still saddened that any progress id seem to make with my mental issues were all in my head. figuratively, that is.

i am at least pleased my world has yet to come crashing down, but at the same time i am a far cry from a week or two ago when i was declaring that i was okay and a happy man again.
that troubles me a lot.

i get that im only a teenager and still have the whole world to deal with and 50-odd years of bullshit to put up with. but it saddens me to think that when i think i am happy, i am simply avoiding my problems. it isn't helped in that im not 100% on what to do with the problems in question. or what they are, for that matter.

what troubles me the most is that i myself am not sure what troubles me the most. as contradictory as that may seem. or perhaps i am leading myself down a continuing path of trouble and despair. like ouroboros. and möbius.

im not sure what im supposed to do to help myself that ive not yet tried.
hm.
maybe that is where i am going wrong. maybe i am not supposed to be helping myself. but im not sure what that means either. i have a plethora of teachers i can talk to, and a handful already are helping me in someways, but i am still not sure why i have a constant feelin of weight and sadness. perhaps they are not the right people to be helpin me either.
hm.

thanks, actually. that gives me an idea. not the solution to all my problems, but an instrument with which to construct a tool that will aid in the gradual decline of my troubles. at least. or so i hope.

thanks for reading smogon.

 

[X5Dragon]

I recently learned to accept these things the hard way:

1) Whatever situation you are in right now and no matter how much it hurts, there are people who are 1000x in a worse hole than you are, and they probably don't have the internet or the roof to comfort them

2) You got 50 odd years to fix your situation, so let change come slowly but surely and no matter how much you fall get up again

3) Don't chase after someone who doesn't like you, toss dat shit away and find someone who does

4) Don't chase after talents or dreams just because they sound cool or daring, accept your talents and make them grow

5) Enjoy your life

 

[Firestorm]

It's hard to help without knowing what your problems are. And if they're private, then you'll need to rely on your closer friends / therapist for them methinks. In any case, realizing you are running away from your problems rather than fixing them is a big step in itself so I wouldn't sell yourself short and say you've made a paint splash. You've made a definite crack in the wall. Now you just need to see what you do after the crack.

 

[Umbreon Dan]

i think i was around this point in my life when i started smoking, and to be honest it made me feel a lot better.

 

[Pernicious]

it sounds like you have a handle on your problems and at least know you want to improve yourself -- that's definitely a step forward than the legions of directionless people i know

i'm young, but i think my happiness comes from a combination of accomplishments and quick bits of fun. like puppets and explosions to use a bad analogy. to be honest, most people who are "happy" often do avoid their problems on a daily basis. the thought of slogging through problems is something very hard to stomach -- i guess the thought of emerging bedraggled yet happy from the swamp is what keeps me going.

someone famous once said "despair is the greatest luxury" or something to that effect. i find it applies to me in many cases: when i sit idly by procrastinating or ruminating on my failures or lack of accomplishments i'm basically wallowing in my own misery. it's worse than having stupid fun as well since you are in no way rejuvenated -- you're being neither productive nor happy. i went through a long period, over a year of basically "calm depression" in that i was happy but didn't care much about everything. once you begin to care about something, happiness comes from your ability to bend reality around that object imo.

i might be completely misinterpreting the source of your problems -- tbh they sound more social/interpersonal, i was just in the mood to talk about achievement.

 

[iDunno]

Based on the fact that you have not really specified a problem, I'm going to assume that pretty much everything out there is bumming you out, which is pretty common for someone your age. In fact, me being probably around your age, I went through the same thing. I was always down even when good things happened and there wasn't even a reason for it. I was in a constant state of depression and the happiest I ever was when I was emotionally neutral. In my case, the depression was genetic as my father and grandfather both suffer from clinical depression. The state wasn't genetic per se - it was more a susceptibility that leads to it. I went to a psychiatrist and was prescribed cymbalta (before it was cool and had commercials) and that helped me tremendously. The next day, my anxiety was almost completely gone and I was happy for the first time in years. It didn't even really feel like forced happiness - it felt more like an emotional brick wall that was preventing me from feeling anything was demolished. I'm not saying medication is the only option - I'm just putting it up as a suggestion for you to think about.

 

[comatthew6]

/me raises hand slowly

I have some questions. Why are you troubled? What brought about these troubles? What are these troubles? I'd love to help...but you gotta work with me and the rest of us on Smogon =/

 

[Clinton]

I was in the same boat you were in except I had no one to talk to, it made me cynical but hey, I'll do what I want and enjoy it why should anyone else care? The only people you need to impress is your employer and or religious God.

Do what you want even though your a teen still just enjoy what you can before you have to be independent, I wasted 3 years of my teenage life and it sucks thinking back to it all, so enjoy it!!!! No regrets!