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Serious LGBTQ
- Thread starter Chinchou
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Hi Rhythms I wanted to react about this post.
The best way to not being stuck anymore in this situation is, as albert suggested above, to talk to your parents. You are certainly scared because of their opinions and what they could think about you after you've telling them this truth but you have to remember that your parents love you for the person you are, and not your sexual orientation.
Also you should stop lying to your girlfriend, this is another debate but if this girl truly loves you, or has feelings for you, then you are giving her hope and that's really not nice to play on other people's feelings. The best thing you can do about this is to end your relationship with her in my opinion because it seems that you actually don't like her.
TheValkyries
proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
Why are y'all trying to shame rhythms for this like they were leading this girl on when they blatantly have not been and the girl has been trying to manipulate them into doing more than they're ready to do. Yes rhythms should break up with this person but they've clearly tried and not been listened to. So what's your goddam angle?
Hello I'm back and can respond to this
The thing is he most certainly IS leading on the girl. I'm sorry but last I checked being in a relationship but not reciprocating feelings is equivalent of an abusive relationship. He's literally ONLY WITH THE GIRL BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SHOW HIS PARENTS THAT HE ISN'T GAY. The girl is being used as nothing more than a mask to hide from his parents / friends / whoever he doesn't want to come out to, and if he actually cared about the feelings of the girl instead of throwing a mini pity party about how his life is so terrible because he has to pretend to be hetero, then he should just break up with the girl. There's nothing wrong with not being comfortable coming out to society / parents / friends whatever, but there most definitely is something wrong with using a regular girl as nothing more than a prop in your secretive agenda.
As to being "manipulated into kissing" like ???? I'm struggling to wonder why you're in a quote unquote relationship if you aren't comfortable having physical or sexual contact with your partner. Yes its wrong to force your partner into kissing / sex / whatever, but if it literally makes you cry whenever you kiss someone than just don't be in a relationship with them. Stop lying to yourself, lying to your partner, and god knows what else.
how do you say "no" to a breakup? a relationship is literally a mutual thing, if one side doesn't agree or wishes to break it off there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. At worst you just avoid the other person. afaik Yanderes don't exist in real life, and that girl isn't going to just murder everyone you love for not being with her, if she still stalks you then report it to parents / police / whoever.
Anyway this is going to be my final post in this thread, it irks me to see the circlejerk / pity party / hive mind going on in here that's completely blind to what is otherwise an obvious decision, and from how Rhythms has seemed to be handling this thread its obvious that he's only open to one specific type of response. As someone who's been in a one sided relationship before, it fucking sucks ass to be in a continuous relationship with someone who could give two shits about you, and if you honestly think that its ok to just use someone like that (and even worse, complain about THEM being the abusive part of the relationship) then I have zero words for you.
tl;dr break up with the girl, if you aren't comfortable telling your parents you're gay then don't they have no right to care about your sexuality and should love you as they are, try to tell your friends if possible as they can be used as support, and don't be a dick to women
There are a lot of things I want to write, but I'll just leave it at one. Can people not be so quick to assume that all parents offer unconditional love? This is simply not the case. Good for you if yours do, but it's a giant risk for someone who has no legal agency to thrust themselves into an uncomfortable position with their parents. For every happy coming out story, there's one that ends in disaster.
Going to reiterate that we shouldn't be being jerks. It's great that people feel comfortable enough to tell us their stories. There aren't always many places for people to be open, and the internet is one of the few places where you can find a community where people can accept you without having to worry about alienation from your peers/family to comparable degree as irl. This really isn't the place to condemn anybody, even if you think that the person sharing in this thread is doing something dickish. You should be trying to support them, and I think you're a dick if you're not doing that. Consider saying something positive before you're snarky.
I don't have much to say to you Rhythms, but someone I knew in high school was in a similar situation to the one with your family. They knew that their family might abandon them after they came out, and so they had arrangements to live with their best friend's family. They ended up having to do that. Perhaps something to consider if you haven't already. Best wishes to everyone else in need of love within this thread, even the jerks.
I don't have much to say to you Rhythms, but someone I knew in high school was in a similar situation to the one with your family. They knew that their family might abandon them after they came out, and so they had arrangements to live with their best friend's family. They ended up having to do that. Perhaps something to consider if you haven't already. Best wishes to everyone else in need of love within this thread, even the jerks.
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I guess you're making this statement facetiously but in reality its not even that much of an exaggeration? Please. My parents found out I was gay when I was 14 via my sister (who I was in high school with) and I was sent to fucking therapists and shamed for my "decisions" for 4+ years. Being gay ruined my adolescence. As an adult now it is quite clear to my parents that if they don't accept me I will simply not be in their lives, and they've come around. I'm 22 now and only within the last I'd say barely a year has my sexuality stopped being an issue. My story is a relatively decent one compared to many others.
I don't know if you're straight and just have no clue entirely or if you're gay and lucky enough to have an accepting family but either way you're lucky to be able to hold the view you have, its a shame that it is so full of ignorance.
Also I'm sorry to double post but Rhythms I am so sorry for your situation and honestly I don't exactly know what to tell you. I guess I never felt the same way as you. I knew what the reaction of my parents would be and I was quite content in never telling them. Of course, I was forced out of the closet though. I don't want to be negative but I also don't want to lie to you. Some parents are harder than others, and yours sound about as close-minded as any out there. From what I hear of your parents, the situation would be bad for you, most likely worse than even mine was. Do you think you could ever find some peace in sharing your situation with any friends? When I was your age, I told my best friend at the time at first and no one else. I remember it vividly to this day because of how powerful of a moment it was for me. I then came out to pretty much my entire friend group and it was one of the most freeing decisions I've ever made in my life. I'm not telling you it will all be good, by the end of my freshman year of high school the entire school knew that I was gay. I was not a well-liked person before that, and it was quite worse after. Overall, though, the situation of being out at that young age was MUCH more positive than negative, if not for my parents anyhow. Also, breaking up with your girlfriend would be good for your mental health I'm almost certain.
I hope the best for you and if you have any specific questions or need any advice with a situation feel free to message me.
I hope the best for you and if you have any specific questions or need any advice with a situation feel free to message me.
no he's not. it isn't like being gay instantly equates to you just dating boys. what if you're dating someone of the opposite sex who is a boy? laugh all you want, but doing it as a facade is not selfish. tell me how exactly it hurts the other person. if it's literally just a high school relationship do you think that she is going to care in ten years? or that maybe the guy makes her feel good and end on good terms? there's literally nothing wrong with this what the hell?
holy shit. i knew you were an ass but not this low. no one is hiding behind their sexuality to be free of judgement. they're asking to be respected, and not judged for their sexuality. is that really too hard to ask? you're not even a part of the lgbt+ community and you have the nerve to call us a "pity party". disgusting.
i just can't even begin to explain how wrong you are. "all parents will love you". is that why around 40% of lgbt youth are homeless? because their parents will get over the "superficial thing". it isn't like that at all and the audacity of you to say that is beyond me. you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about. sorry your life is so hard as a straight person and your parents love you anyways. you are overstepping your boundaries ten-fold. you do not speak for the lgbt+ community, and yet you are acting like you've lived a life like any of us. you haven't, and you likely never will. get the hell over yourself and leave.
pardon me, but you are the one being a cunt. you have zero clue what rhythms is going through. you've NEVER been in that situation. where if you break up with her you're termed as gay and you're not ready to come out yet. you. never. will. seriously tcr, you don't have to be such a prick. i wasn't even going to respond but this post is the picture of idiocy and it makes my blood boil. please stop posting shit like this and being a dick in general. you have zero right to even say 99% of this post holy shit.
Let me be clear: I am FOR feminism, and FOR the end of relationships riddled with deception and hurtful behavior. I understand the intent of this part of your post. But I am not going to sit silently and let this statement slide, because it does a significant injustice to people with severe mental/emotional dilemmas.
Do you have any clue what it's like to be in a situation where you fear (and not the pleasant, horror-movie kind of fear, but real terror for your own well-being) what your family will do to you if you tell them about this integral part of yourself? Do you know what it's like when the literal only way to guarantee your safety is to deceive the people you care about most? I do, and let me tell you: it isn't something you fucking handwave away. It isn't something that can be dismissed as a first world problem. This is a PRIMARY FUCKING CONCERN, of equal magnitude for me (the only person I can speak for) as the concern that I treat everyone in my life properly. Anxiety over whether or not you've slipped up, over the fact that you're lying to the very people who should be your primary support network, from whom you should hold no secrets, is constantly buzzing in the back of your head. There are times when for days on end you can't focus on any work or activity, or even settle down to sleep at night. And all because your mind feels like it's tearing itself apart from the wrongness of what you're doing. I've experienced all of this, and it is the greatest torment I've ever experienced or heard of. I will NOT allow it to be belittled in this manner for any reason while I still have a voice to speak out (or, in this case, fingers to type) with.
Upon proofreading this, I feel like it comes off far more confrontational than I really feel as I write. I was actually angry when I first started typing this post (which honestly doesn't happen all that often), but in the motivated sense, rather than the fight-starting one. I do sincerely apologize for that tone, but I don't disown the vehement reaction because I do feel quite strongly about this. If you'd like me to try doing the words thing with this concept from a calmer standpoint, please take it to my PM inbox.
Holy crap.
While I think that Rhythms should split with this girl too, those bashing him have shown a substantial inability to actually listen to him and too much ability to project, which makes me wonder what their agenda really is. And this is not a thread for agendas. Much less blatant rudeness!!!
I've left some BAD posts up for posterity, but unless you KNOW you're trying to be helpful to him, I'd advise you to tread lightly.
Now anyway, Ditto is making a movie called Straight Outta Closet and nobody is interested? C'mon
While I think that Rhythms should split with this girl too, those bashing him have shown a substantial inability to actually listen to him and too much ability to project, which makes me wonder what their agenda really is. And this is not a thread for agendas. Much less blatant rudeness!!!
I've left some BAD posts up for posterity, but unless you KNOW you're trying to be helpful to him, I'd advise you to tread lightly.
Now anyway, Ditto is making a movie called Straight Outta Closet and nobody is interested? C'mon
Hektor you tag someone in a post by typing @ and then their username directly afterwards.
Anyway, I'm one of the mindset that this thread should be a "safe space" of sorts. Many people have come out in this thread looking for support, and the reaction to Rhythm's post, imo, was horrifying.
I don't know if anyone else agrees with me on this, but if enough of us agree we could probably make this thread a safe space on cong.
Anyway, I'm one of the mindset that this thread should be a "safe space" of sorts. Many people have come out in this thread looking for support, and the reaction to Rhythm's post, imo, was horrifying.
I don't know if anyone else agrees with me on this, but if enough of us agree we could probably make this thread a safe space on cong.
There has been a lot of precedent for this thread to be a safe space. I'd still like to welcome discussion and disagreement, but not the kind of obviously hateful voices that would be allowed in other political threads.
As the op says, no haters allowed.
As the op says, no haters allowed.
i classify the response to rhythm's post in the same category as I do the disgusting but widespread notion of "a trans person has the obligation to disclose their identity to you if you're doing anything romantic or sexual with them or have the prospect of doing so in the foreseeable future". like i'm glad you all can live your lives authentically without fear of discrimination or horrific consequences but that's just not the case for everybody, and the solution to that is not to do everything in our power to avoid "tricking" straight/cis people. passing is a thing that is necessary sometimes; it sucks, but it's true. when I talk in a gay space, the timbre and pitch of my voice is very different than if I talk in a straight space where i'm not entirely sure of everyone's personal beliefs / feelings. it sucks that i can't live authentically 100% of the time, but it's also a fact of life and a survival mechanism, and shaming marginalized people for using every survival mechanism they can to stay afloat is really a shitty thing to do. Is it shitty that rhythms has to have a (unknowing, I guess) beard? of course it is, for all parties involved. but for whatever reason, he's decided that he needs to do so in order to protect his identity and limit the oppression he needs to go to. people passing to avoid discrimination have no obligation to clock their own spook to make sure the most privileged people know who they can other
yeah i don't think you're really at fault here Rhythms. you posted here because you need help, showing you get that this situation isn't good. but shame on all the morons saying "oh it's fine she's abusive keep manipulating her it's fine".
you don't need to have a cover up. if you don't like this girl, tell her and save her a lot of stress. whether you know it or not, right now you're leading her on, and that's not good. how would you like it if a guy becomes your boyfriend, shows you little affection, and then eventually tells you " oh i'm straight i don't like you"? you made a mistake. that's totally fine... it happens, but stop listening to these people telling you to continually use this girl. yes, as LGBT people we are a minority, but that doesn't mean we can just USE people to "shelter" us. you don't need a girlfriend. i know it sucks, but you just gotta stay in the closet until it is safe for you to come out. that doesn't mean you have to have a cover up though. like Exeggutor said, you don't need a girlfriend to pretend to be straight !!!
also, you should definitely tell someone you're in a relationship with that you're gay / bi / trans / w.e in most circumstances.
you don't need to have a cover up. if you don't like this girl, tell her and save her a lot of stress. whether you know it or not, right now you're leading her on, and that's not good. how would you like it if a guy becomes your boyfriend, shows you little affection, and then eventually tells you " oh i'm straight i don't like you"? you made a mistake. that's totally fine... it happens, but stop listening to these people telling you to continually use this girl. yes, as LGBT people we are a minority, but that doesn't mean we can just USE people to "shelter" us. you don't need a girlfriend. i know it sucks, but you just gotta stay in the closet until it is safe for you to come out. that doesn't mean you have to have a cover up though. like Exeggutor said, you don't need a girlfriend to pretend to be straight !!!
also, you should definitely tell someone you're in a relationship with that you're gay / bi / trans / w.e in most circumstances.
I just want to make it totally clear what a certain portion of people who are persisting to post are failing to read in Rhythm's posts, intentionally or otherwise. This girl is the instigator in this relationship. For whatever reason, this is what she wants. Maybe she thinks at her age she needs a boyfriend, maybe Rhythms is not a bad catch, whatever, anything would be assuming. What's clear is that she does not have "genuine deep feelings" for him, as you don't extort someone and threaten to homophobically out them if you actually gave a damn about them. So I don't know where all this "oh she's so innocent why would you do this to her" stuff is coming from, except I do, because turning this into a story about a wicked and gay person tricking someone straight and innocent into something is exactly the kind of fear that homophobia springs from.
There are a lot of good arguments for why this relationship should end imo, maybe some fair ones to the contrary, but I'm not going to condone attacks on Rhythms. I thought that was clear, but maybe not.
I dunno, like, a big part of me wants to say that you should man up and get out of this situation where you seem like the victim, but a lot of that comes from being raised openly autistic in a small town where I was very oppressed for it. We might not have similar circumstances.
There are a lot of good arguments for why this relationship should end imo, maybe some fair ones to the contrary, but I'm not going to condone attacks on Rhythms. I thought that was clear, but maybe not.
I dunno, like, a big part of me wants to say that you should man up and get out of this situation where you seem like the victim, but a lot of that comes from being raised openly autistic in a small town where I was very oppressed for it. We might not have similar circumstances.
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EV
Banned deucer.
Rhythms I think things are better now (?) considering what you told me on PS recently but I'll offer my personal experiences with girlfriends for you and anyone else who may find it encouraging / useful.
I had a lot of girl friends growing up and three girlfriends. Yep, I remember the number specifically because each one was an important part of my life. I dated my first girlfriend because we were already best friends and we thought that it was just the natural next step. I ~sorta~ knew I was different then but we got along so well I never viewed it as a front or a cover, just a really tight friendship. The second girlfriend was actually a friend I met through the first. Again, we were pretty close beforehand so deciding to date "officially" just felt right, even though nothing changed besides the title. The third was one or two friends removed from the first circle. Now this is where things go askew. I didn't know her that well beforehand and I was just dating her to keep up the facade. By then I knew full well that I was gay, and unlike the other girlfriends, she was interested in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you know, with dates and kissing and (eep) probably more. So I pretended to be the boyfriend and bought her chocolates and a big stuffed bear on Valentines Day and she bought me cologne on my birthday. Then the school year was coming to a close and she was moving to Florida. I remember our last day together: we were walking home from school and I'd gotten her some "best of luck / well wishes" balloons to see her off. We stood at the crosswalk where I went one way to my house and she went another to hers. I held her hand and told her goodbye. We lingered. She smiled awkwardly, waiting for the kiss she never got while we were dating. Just do it, I told myself. Give her what she wants.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself kiss her. Not because "ew girls," but because I just didn't feel right, none of it did, and I felt foolish for dragging it out for so long, for leading this girl on during the school year and being the last to say goodbye to her and not being able to be the man she wanted me to be. I wanted to go back and reverse it all, to give her that time back to date someone else, someone straight, who would make her genuinely happy.
The way I see it, I was going to feel like shit regardless. Growing up gay is tough; it was then and it still is now. I don't care if the laws have changed and representation has improved. It's still shit. Putting up this facade wasn't going to make myself feel any better. It just made it worse. It added another level of anxiety and pressure to an already anxious and suffocating time in my life. And to make it worse I complicated someone else's feelings in the process. Fuck, what I should have done was made up a girlfriend who lived across the country or dated some anime character (that's what the kids do now right?).
I got lucky, however. The first two girlfriends remind solid friends, and got even closer when I came out. I attribute that to the good foundation we had had beforehand, because ultimately us dating was a facade on both of our parts--we just wanted an excuse to hang out more! I also got lucky with girlfriend #3 who moved away. She found me on Myspace a year or so later, saw that I was gay, somewhat laughed it off, and told me about this really great guy that she'd met who's she's still with today. Idk maybe she harbored some resentment, but considering I was a sucky boyfriend in general (chocolate and teddy bears and balloons do not make a real relationship) maybe she was relieved to have moved on and found someone special.
So before someone kicks the soapbox out from under me ... I know what you're going through for the most part. Expectations from parents and friends weigh a trillion tons when you're still trying to figure yourself out. I'm not going to end this by telling you what I think you should do. Rather, I'm offering my story for you to make of it what you will. Our circumstances are very, very different, which is why I can't pretend to know what's best even though I've had a similar experience. I can tell you this much: you'll look back and wish you had done things differently no matter what choice you make. But that's life, making choices and learning from them. Just make sure you learn something from it.
We're rooting for you~
P.S. to the folks that come to this thread looking to take a cheap shot at a teenager going through an extremely difficult time in his/her life: We all have our own wars to fight. Why start another?
I had a lot of girl friends growing up and three girlfriends. Yep, I remember the number specifically because each one was an important part of my life. I dated my first girlfriend because we were already best friends and we thought that it was just the natural next step. I ~sorta~ knew I was different then but we got along so well I never viewed it as a front or a cover, just a really tight friendship. The second girlfriend was actually a friend I met through the first. Again, we were pretty close beforehand so deciding to date "officially" just felt right, even though nothing changed besides the title. The third was one or two friends removed from the first circle. Now this is where things go askew. I didn't know her that well beforehand and I was just dating her to keep up the facade. By then I knew full well that I was gay, and unlike the other girlfriends, she was interested in a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you know, with dates and kissing and (eep) probably more. So I pretended to be the boyfriend and bought her chocolates and a big stuffed bear on Valentines Day and she bought me cologne on my birthday. Then the school year was coming to a close and she was moving to Florida. I remember our last day together: we were walking home from school and I'd gotten her some "best of luck / well wishes" balloons to see her off. We stood at the crosswalk where I went one way to my house and she went another to hers. I held her hand and told her goodbye. We lingered. She smiled awkwardly, waiting for the kiss she never got while we were dating. Just do it, I told myself. Give her what she wants.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself kiss her. Not because "ew girls," but because I just didn't feel right, none of it did, and I felt foolish for dragging it out for so long, for leading this girl on during the school year and being the last to say goodbye to her and not being able to be the man she wanted me to be. I wanted to go back and reverse it all, to give her that time back to date someone else, someone straight, who would make her genuinely happy.
The way I see it, I was going to feel like shit regardless. Growing up gay is tough; it was then and it still is now. I don't care if the laws have changed and representation has improved. It's still shit. Putting up this facade wasn't going to make myself feel any better. It just made it worse. It added another level of anxiety and pressure to an already anxious and suffocating time in my life. And to make it worse I complicated someone else's feelings in the process. Fuck, what I should have done was made up a girlfriend who lived across the country or dated some anime character (that's what the kids do now right?).
I got lucky, however. The first two girlfriends remind solid friends, and got even closer when I came out. I attribute that to the good foundation we had had beforehand, because ultimately us dating was a facade on both of our parts--we just wanted an excuse to hang out more! I also got lucky with girlfriend #3 who moved away. She found me on Myspace a year or so later, saw that I was gay, somewhat laughed it off, and told me about this really great guy that she'd met who's she's still with today. Idk maybe she harbored some resentment, but considering I was a sucky boyfriend in general (chocolate and teddy bears and balloons do not make a real relationship) maybe she was relieved to have moved on and found someone special.
So before someone kicks the soapbox out from under me ... I know what you're going through for the most part. Expectations from parents and friends weigh a trillion tons when you're still trying to figure yourself out. I'm not going to end this by telling you what I think you should do. Rather, I'm offering my story for you to make of it what you will. Our circumstances are very, very different, which is why I can't pretend to know what's best even though I've had a similar experience. I can tell you this much: you'll look back and wish you had done things differently no matter what choice you make. But that's life, making choices and learning from them. Just make sure you learn something from it.
We're rooting for you~
P.S. to the folks that come to this thread looking to take a cheap shot at a teenager going through an extremely difficult time in his/her life: We all have our own wars to fight. Why start another?
Cheryl.
Celesteela is Life
Alright so I've reading about every page of this thread for like a week now, preparing for this, and I believe it's time to finally post this.
So, I'm a transgendered female named Cheryl. So, all my life, I've felt different than all the other boys. Sure not all boys like sports and all that masculine stuff, but I just REALLY didn't like it. Everytime my dad would try to get me into a sport like soccer or football, I basically went to a practice like two times before quitting. And yes, I did do some crossdressing as a kid, putting on my mom's clothes (Doing it nowadays doesn't work as well since most of them don't fit me, xD), sometimes putting on makeup as well, or even replicating having female breasts by putting socks underneath my shirt. But the real problem is that, when I look at myself in the mirror, I just don't see me. I don't see a tall average-looking guy with all these masculine parts, I see a female. When I was younger I usually shrugged it off because I didn't really know that much about LGBTQ back then, but now that I know, it's been coming up in my life. I look at myself in the shower or bathtub (Baths are comfy) and see a penis where I know it shouldn't be. I have dreams of being a female, with nice long hair, breasts, wearing female clothing, being a female. Then I wake up suddenly, and I just see myself, still a boy, and I usually start crying silently into my pillow, knowing that I'm living a lie. I don't want to be a victim, guys. I want to be free. I want to have long hair. I want to have breasts. I want to be called by female pronouns. I want to wear cute dresses and makeup. I want to be a girl.
So yeah, that's it. It feels so much better having told people this, and I do sincerely hope that my close friends on Smogon shall understand. I still haven't told my parents yet (I've come out to a couple of my friends and my girlfriend, and they've been accepting of it, and my girlfriend is bisexual, so we're still a couple), but I think that this at least gets me a bit more confident before telling them, although that won't happen for a long while, I don't exactly want to end up in the streets. But yeah, this has been my coming-out post, and I'd like to thank the people who read this post. I'm no longer BrandonBeast, I'm Cheryl, and I've always been Cheryl. (And my Smogon name will also soon be Cheryl, so that's cool)
Shoutouts to my friends of the RU SQUAAAAD who helped and supported me of becoming a girl, you guys are true friends to me ;):
Fineonbae CrzyCookie Miyami~~ Thatwackycruton Based Honker Take Azelfie TheWall22 Rattled Snakes Oddish is the best Gatorboy
- Cheryl :)
So, I'm a transgendered female named Cheryl. So, all my life, I've felt different than all the other boys. Sure not all boys like sports and all that masculine stuff, but I just REALLY didn't like it. Everytime my dad would try to get me into a sport like soccer or football, I basically went to a practice like two times before quitting. And yes, I did do some crossdressing as a kid, putting on my mom's clothes (Doing it nowadays doesn't work as well since most of them don't fit me, xD), sometimes putting on makeup as well, or even replicating having female breasts by putting socks underneath my shirt. But the real problem is that, when I look at myself in the mirror, I just don't see me. I don't see a tall average-looking guy with all these masculine parts, I see a female. When I was younger I usually shrugged it off because I didn't really know that much about LGBTQ back then, but now that I know, it's been coming up in my life. I look at myself in the shower or bathtub (Baths are comfy) and see a penis where I know it shouldn't be. I have dreams of being a female, with nice long hair, breasts, wearing female clothing, being a female. Then I wake up suddenly, and I just see myself, still a boy, and I usually start crying silently into my pillow, knowing that I'm living a lie. I don't want to be a victim, guys. I want to be free. I want to have long hair. I want to have breasts. I want to be called by female pronouns. I want to wear cute dresses and makeup. I want to be a girl.
So yeah, that's it. It feels so much better having told people this, and I do sincerely hope that my close friends on Smogon shall understand. I still haven't told my parents yet (I've come out to a couple of my friends and my girlfriend, and they've been accepting of it, and my girlfriend is bisexual, so we're still a couple), but I think that this at least gets me a bit more confident before telling them, although that won't happen for a long while, I don't exactly want to end up in the streets. But yeah, this has been my coming-out post, and I'd like to thank the people who read this post. I'm no longer BrandonBeast, I'm Cheryl, and I've always been Cheryl. (And my Smogon name will also soon be Cheryl, so that's cool)
Shoutouts to my friends of the RU SQUAAAAD who helped and supported me of becoming a girl, you guys are true friends to me ;):
Fineonbae CrzyCookie Miyami~~ Thatwackycruton Based Honker Take Azelfie TheWall22 Rattled Snakes Oddish is the best Gatorboy
- Cheryl :)
RODAN was hesitant to post about it, but this thread has definitely shined a positive light on the trans community as a whole and how there is representation on smogon. he was interested to know about what factors caused this shift in more trans people, and i'm not completely sure.
the creation of a trans community as a whole could have been one of the driving factors; there are now activists educating others and fighting for rights. the people have built a community which leads to more media coverage and transparency. as it was such a taboo before recent times, perhaps the amount of people who suffer from gender related issues hasn't changed, but the amount of needed attention (media, literature) they receive is increasing. this leads others to perceive there being more trans. maybe it's a societal factor-- more people are just more willing to share and transition due to it being more accepted. what are some other factors coz rodan sux.
the creation of a trans community as a whole could have been one of the driving factors; there are now activists educating others and fighting for rights. the people have built a community which leads to more media coverage and transparency. as it was such a taboo before recent times, perhaps the amount of people who suffer from gender related issues hasn't changed, but the amount of needed attention (media, literature) they receive is increasing. this leads others to perceive there being more trans. maybe it's a societal factor-- more people are just more willing to share and transition due to it being more accepted. what are some other factors coz rodan sux.
We got you fren :]
It is theoretized that the percentage of trans people within the overall population has always been more or less constant.
Besides the obvious more media coverage -> more acceptance -> more people feeling comfortable to be open about it, there's also more accurate information online about trans people -> more people realising that they're trans.
It is way less straightforward to start questioning one's gender if one is not aware of being trans not having anything to do with schizophrenia (which is still all too often thought by a lot of people; in fact it'd be great though if there was a lot less mental health phobia in general), one can be a trans woman and still be a lesbian or a trans man and still be gay, or that non-binary genders exist too, and what hormone replacement therapy is capable of doing (media still to this day mostly only mentions genital surgery). It is also very difficult to connect the dots between random possible signs of being trans that happened with multiple months/years intervals between one another, when you are not specifically trying to remember those signs and to connect them, that is, when you aren't even considering that you might be trans.
I knew I wasn't schizophrenic or attracted to men, and I didn't want to get some very invasive, very scary surgery that on its own wouldn't have solved anything for me, so it never even occurred to me to even consider that I might be trans for an extremely long time.
It is entirely possible for someone to live their entire life without ever realising that they're trans, because gender dysphoria for a lot of people is a lot more dormant before realising that they're trans (but once the cat is out of the box, it never goes back in).
Also, not too many decades ago, trans women were only medically helped to transition if they could 100% pass, were judged as sexy by their doctors and if they claimed they were attracted only to men, and then they had to move far away, leave their family completely behind, lie about their past and were only allowed to date men. The medical community wanted to pretend "for the comfort of cis people" that trans people don't exist.
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Visibility was a big factor for me in realizing I wasn't cis, I guess my perception of self never really shifted drastically since I never really felt strongly about being a guy but down the road I realized I didn't have to be a guy cuz of body parts, even if I'm personally not unhappy about the parts
I think over time in more progressive spaces people are realizing that trans people don't have a single universal experience of what makes them trans and I think that's great also
I think over time in more progressive spaces people are realizing that trans people don't have a single universal experience of what makes them trans and I think that's great also
I couldn't agree more with Squarewalker and Minwu
For me, realising there was something conceptually that I could be was huge for not repressing those feelings and becoming more aware of them, and in turn being able to cope with previously inarticulable yet ever-present alienation from my gender identity. I stayed in the closet for seven years after a bad experience, still, because the idea of a fixed, assigned-at-birth gender binary is so omnipresent that it's difficult to mentally overcome it; hanging around more trans people, in particular non-binary people, made me more comfortable with the idea I wasn't doubting myself, being a special snowflake for just being myself, etc. I think those ideas in general are really toxic as well as fallacious; it takes a lot to say anything about being trans even possibly right now, hell, to even confront it mentally, so even if one has a questioning phase, aside from all the other reasons not to, there's no basis to assume it's that from default, or to treat that phase as invalid from the start. 'Special snowflake' shit made me paranoid and a lot of people I know paranoid and doubt themselves for a long time unnecessarily (there's really no innate advantage to being trans either, it's a very very toxic mentality).
I feel like I more became more comfortable with myself rather than acting very differently (dropped some weird behaviours that I felt uncomfortable emulating though) as well, but I like that as I grow, knowing I'm nb and being able to articulate those feelings may express themselves more naturally in my environmental growth
(cis queer people were very omnipresent before hetero society at large really cottoned on to the Gay Community, on the other hand increasing visibility and acceptance and possibility of same-gender relationships allowed other people to seriously acknowledge and explore feelings they might've closeted or disregarded before)
I have to be honest about the question dice posted for RODAN, and I said this on IRC to dice actually, but I disagree that we're at a huge stage of trans positivity societally, I think we are at a stage trans visibility, which comes with it the first real positive depictions of trans people naturally. Compared to no positive, non-pitying depictions of trans people before, especially when trans people were largely invisible in society as a real thing, that looks like an enormous positive change, especially since gay marriage was legalised in the US (which was seen, and I'm not going to go into this right now and the intra-community politics, but it was seen as a watershed moment for gay rights, which naturally helped bring trans issues out for debate), which has all kinds of effects, imaginary and real, for trans people. Consequently you see a huge backlash in result to this visibility, a lot of angry transphobes very riled up seeing it as a newish societal ill exposed to air, third-wave feminists picking up on anti-trans ideas that were relatively confined to academic second-wave feminism before, bathroom bills, mocking and brutality and hate crimes over gender still quite constant. Squarewalker rightfully and knowledgeably (as always <3) points out that medical transition was gatekept even worse than it is today, which is another reason for the visibility increase.
I don't want to be pessimistic because I think there are, like that ^^^, lots of reasons to be optimistic, but not to be complacent and give up the fight. So, yeah, I'd attribute the increasing positive depictions to visibility. Another idea I've seen thrown around before and have found very true in a lot of spaces, and discussed earlier in my post, is the idea of the 'trans domino effect': not that being around other trans people makes you trans, but enables you to actually seriously question your gender identity and possibly come to the conclusion you are trans / understand dysphoria you may be feeling already / act upon wishes like 'I wish I was a girl' (you don't need permission!) 'I wish I had __ physical configuration or presented in ___ way' etc.
Like when I was 14 and didn't even know the gender binary was a formal concept and only knew a couple of trans people, none of them non-binary, I met someone who was agender (I'm not, but I'd never met anyone who didn't identify publicly as a woman or a man), and it was just such an 'oh' moment for me, like everything clicked, but seven years of denial set in pretty easily because I only knew that one person and being a 14-year-old (as if 14-year-olds aren't capable of a sense of self! as if it isn't normal for people to grow) and stuff. And then the dysphoria would become unignorable and I'd rationalise it as body dysmorphia, as the various eating disorders I've had, as wanting to be literally incorporeal, claim I had a questioning phase (to many people ITT even). Eventually it became so awful and suffocating I had to search back to the time when I understood dysphoria and it started to click again
It's part of why I think maintaining queer spaces like this is really important. Having a space where people can ask about gender, seek advice and support (because it's damn hard, materially emotionally etc., to be queer), vent, express ideas, see other people who are at peace with those identities, can be super useful for people grappling with those things. Keeping those spaces open to trans people, binary or non-binary, is really important as well, for all the various reasons trans people (straight or not) are associated with the lgbq community, for the things we have in common and for solidarity, etc.
P.S. Congrats on taking such a huge step, Cheryl <3 Hoping you can get to a place soon where more of your wishes are possible.
Sorry if my English is mangled, exhausted and had trouble editing this post.
For me, realising there was something conceptually that I could be was huge for not repressing those feelings and becoming more aware of them, and in turn being able to cope with previously inarticulable yet ever-present alienation from my gender identity. I stayed in the closet for seven years after a bad experience, still, because the idea of a fixed, assigned-at-birth gender binary is so omnipresent that it's difficult to mentally overcome it; hanging around more trans people, in particular non-binary people, made me more comfortable with the idea I wasn't doubting myself, being a special snowflake for just being myself, etc. I think those ideas in general are really toxic as well as fallacious; it takes a lot to say anything about being trans even possibly right now, hell, to even confront it mentally, so even if one has a questioning phase, aside from all the other reasons not to, there's no basis to assume it's that from default, or to treat that phase as invalid from the start. 'Special snowflake' shit made me paranoid and a lot of people I know paranoid and doubt themselves for a long time unnecessarily (there's really no innate advantage to being trans either, it's a very very toxic mentality).
I feel like I more became more comfortable with myself rather than acting very differently (dropped some weird behaviours that I felt uncomfortable emulating though) as well, but I like that as I grow, knowing I'm nb and being able to articulate those feelings may express themselves more naturally in my environmental growth
(cis queer people were very omnipresent before hetero society at large really cottoned on to the Gay Community, on the other hand increasing visibility and acceptance and possibility of same-gender relationships allowed other people to seriously acknowledge and explore feelings they might've closeted or disregarded before)
I have to be honest about the question dice posted for RODAN, and I said this on IRC to dice actually, but I disagree that we're at a huge stage of trans positivity societally, I think we are at a stage trans visibility, which comes with it the first real positive depictions of trans people naturally. Compared to no positive, non-pitying depictions of trans people before, especially when trans people were largely invisible in society as a real thing, that looks like an enormous positive change, especially since gay marriage was legalised in the US (which was seen, and I'm not going to go into this right now and the intra-community politics, but it was seen as a watershed moment for gay rights, which naturally helped bring trans issues out for debate), which has all kinds of effects, imaginary and real, for trans people. Consequently you see a huge backlash in result to this visibility, a lot of angry transphobes very riled up seeing it as a newish societal ill exposed to air, third-wave feminists picking up on anti-trans ideas that were relatively confined to academic second-wave feminism before, bathroom bills, mocking and brutality and hate crimes over gender still quite constant. Squarewalker rightfully and knowledgeably (as always <3) points out that medical transition was gatekept even worse than it is today, which is another reason for the visibility increase.
I don't want to be pessimistic because I think there are, like that ^^^, lots of reasons to be optimistic, but not to be complacent and give up the fight. So, yeah, I'd attribute the increasing positive depictions to visibility. Another idea I've seen thrown around before and have found very true in a lot of spaces, and discussed earlier in my post, is the idea of the 'trans domino effect': not that being around other trans people makes you trans, but enables you to actually seriously question your gender identity and possibly come to the conclusion you are trans / understand dysphoria you may be feeling already / act upon wishes like 'I wish I was a girl' (you don't need permission!) 'I wish I had __ physical configuration or presented in ___ way' etc.
Like when I was 14 and didn't even know the gender binary was a formal concept and only knew a couple of trans people, none of them non-binary, I met someone who was agender (I'm not, but I'd never met anyone who didn't identify publicly as a woman or a man), and it was just such an 'oh' moment for me, like everything clicked, but seven years of denial set in pretty easily because I only knew that one person and being a 14-year-old (as if 14-year-olds aren't capable of a sense of self! as if it isn't normal for people to grow) and stuff. And then the dysphoria would become unignorable and I'd rationalise it as body dysmorphia, as the various eating disorders I've had, as wanting to be literally incorporeal, claim I had a questioning phase (to many people ITT even). Eventually it became so awful and suffocating I had to search back to the time when I understood dysphoria and it started to click again
It's part of why I think maintaining queer spaces like this is really important. Having a space where people can ask about gender, seek advice and support (because it's damn hard, materially emotionally etc., to be queer), vent, express ideas, see other people who are at peace with those identities, can be super useful for people grappling with those things. Keeping those spaces open to trans people, binary or non-binary, is really important as well, for all the various reasons trans people (straight or not) are associated with the lgbq community, for the things we have in common and for solidarity, etc.
P.S. Congrats on taking such a huge step, Cheryl <3 Hoping you can get to a place soon where more of your wishes are possible.
Sorry if my English is mangled, exhausted and had trouble editing this post.
I wanted to see if anyone here could give me some advice :)
I have already come out to my mom and a couple of close friends. I'm starting to wonder if I should just casually come out to other people, too. I am a bit feminine so I don't think it would be a huge shock or whatever, and I don't think many people would care, I'm just wonder if it's what I should do.
I'm not thinking of making a formal announcement or whatever, I'm just thinking that if someone asks me like "hey, are you gay?" I can just casually say yes to them.
I started thinking more about this since one of my old classmate's is out at his new school and I'm kinda jealous since I want to be able to be as comfortable as he is and not have to worry about everything I say (in terms of who I would date, what I find attractive, etc.)
Thanks!
I have already come out to my mom and a couple of close friends. I'm starting to wonder if I should just casually come out to other people, too. I am a bit feminine so I don't think it would be a huge shock or whatever, and I don't think many people would care, I'm just wonder if it's what I should do.
I'm not thinking of making a formal announcement or whatever, I'm just thinking that if someone asks me like "hey, are you gay?" I can just casually say yes to them.
I started thinking more about this since one of my old classmate's is out at his new school and I'm kinda jealous since I want to be able to be as comfortable as he is and not have to worry about everything I say (in terms of who I would date, what I find attractive, etc.)
Thanks!
There is never an easy answer to when you should come out. I believe that the best time is when you are ready and comfortable with yourself. If someone asks you if you are gay and you trust that person, or don't care or are able to handle if they might react negatively, then I say go for it. But nobody can answer this for you. You have to decide whether you are ready or not. From your post it sounds like you are to me, but only you truly know. Good luck with whatever you do!
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