1. New to the forums? Check out our Mentorship Program!
    Our mentors will answer your questions and help you become a part of the community!
  2. Welcome to Smogon Forums! Please take a minute to read the rules.

GRAMMAR DOJO

Discussion in 'Archives' started by sandshrewz, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    Conceived by Ray Jay. Approved by Fatecrashers. Thread title thanks to Fatecrashers.

    [​IMG]
    It has been brought to the GP Team's attention that there has been an influx of new amateur GP checkers. Thus, we've come up with an idea to help amateur checkers get on the track and learn the ropes of GP checking. Some of you, amateur checkers, might even find yourself becoming an official GP checker!

    Here are a few useful links to help you get started:


    And a couple of links if you want to learn more about grammar:


    Alright, so, let's get to the main point.

    How this works


    • Every few days to a week, a short paragraph will be posted in this thread for amateur GP checkers to try GP checking
    • Those who are attempting to GP check the paragraphs can do so and post their checks here in hide tags
    • After a few days, a member of the GP Team will post an answer key for participants to refer to
    Participants can consult GP Team members if they have any questions after the release of each answer key


    Objectives

    • To give opportunities for amateur GP checkers to practice GPing consistently
    • To enable amateur GP checkers to clarify doubts
    • Improve amateur GP checkers' standards on a large scale basis
    • Empower amateur GP checkers to improve and push them to become official GP checkers
    • Allow amateur GP checkers to learn from their mistakes if any
    Note that this is not a compulsory activity but why would you want to miss out on a chance to sharpen your skills? ^_^ If you have any questions relating to GP, you may ask in this thread or hop on #grammar!

    edit: GPers who want to do an answer key can contact me via PM or VM (before you do the answer key x.x)~ Thanks! :)
  2. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    Paragraph 1 (open)
    Looking at Heracross's stats its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there; it can use a Choice Band or Status Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bulky Ghosts that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahorn.


    All right, let's start with this! ^_^
  3. Perfexionist

    Perfexionist

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    72
    Awesome idea! I'll try my hand at the sample paragraph when I have the time.

    Question: Should GP Checks include changes to phrases that aren't technically incorrect, but would make the writing sound better? Some of these changes would be subjective to the writer and the editor/s.
  4. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    If the change improves the prose, yes you can (and should). Prose is an important part of GP too. You can leave a comment saying that you've made an optional to make the prose better.
  5. Amarillo

    Amarillo
    is a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2010
    Messages:
    749
    hi sandz
    it's been a long time i've written
    and i realize i've actually never done a gp
    so here it goes i guess


    changes (open)


    These Go These Stay My eyes my eyess

    Looking at Heracross's stats, (comma) its Attack stat reaching a whooping 383 unboosted instantly jumps out at you. (period) reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this, (comma) Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there;. (period) it can use a A Choice Band or Status a status Orb does nothing to fix his middling speed, (comma) to become a but they turn Heracross into a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier. (period) but does nothing to fix his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Offensiveoffensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) common counters, namely Porygon2 and Snorlax, (comma) (They aren't exactly absolute counters because specs variant can 2HKO the standard Porygon2 with HP Fighting & prior damage. 'Absolute' in general is a hard word to use in a lot of cases.) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bulky Ghosts bulky Ghost-types that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. (cliche) The reason Heracross needs little support is that simply because it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves: (colon) Close Combat and Megahorn.

    Copypastable:

    Looking at Heracross, its Attack stat reaching a whooping 383 unboosted instantly jumps out. Due to this, Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there. A Choice Band or a status Orb does nothing to fix his middling speed, but they turn Heracross into a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent offensive core as Chandelure's two common counters, namely Porygon2 and Snorlax, are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the bulky Ghost-types that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little support simply because it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves: Close Combat and Megahorn.

  6. Zystral

    Zystral めんどくさい、な~
    is a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2009
    Messages:
    1,610
    Not to take a dig at you personally Amarillo, but to all amateur/hopeful GP checkers (and to some of you CERTIFIED MEMBERS also):

    A copypastable version is nice, but should only really be done on request. The reason we highlight the changes is to hopefully help users improve their own grammar, thus not only reducing the workload, but up the quality across the site overall. Especially in this thread where we are trying to gauge your ability, it is important to highlight what you have done (and if possible, why). This not only helps us see where you went wrong/right, but for real checks, helps highlight certain areas or points the writer needs to address.

    It's not a big problem, but avoiding laziness by not giving c/p versions goes a long way.
  7. sirndpt

    sirndpt
    is an Artist Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,124
    I gotta disagree with Zy tbh :/

    aside from the fact that I've found writers overlook highlighted changes much more often than I'd like -- which is the main reason why I myself always provide c/ps, but this isn't the place for that so sorry for sidetracking! -- it's always convenient to be able to easily read the final version, particularly if punctuation is marked up as <period> / (add comma) / etc, there are lots of comments (I expect much more of this than usual considering the nature of this exercise), or just lots of changes in general.

    also, I'm not sure how sandshrewz plans to go about this next part, but it might be easier to give feedback if a c/p is provided - whoever's giving comments won't have to implement the check if they need to lift out sentences or phrases to illustrate or better explain a point. (sorry that this sounds so vague and unclear, but, yeah, I myself had to when I was going through something with sandz earlier today, so imo there are definitely situations in which a c/p can come in handy, even in a mere practice exercise as this.)

    im sorry for clogging your thread with irrelevance sandz!
  8. TrollFreak

    TrollFreak (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻
    is a Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2011
    Messages:
    1,249
    Wait, I'm not on GeePee yet, lemme try this!

    Looking at Heracross's stats(add comma), its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this(add comma), Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don't (Change Apostrophe)end there; it can use a Choice Band or Status Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier metagame (add comma),but however(add comma), this does nothing to fix his its middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (add comma),(Porygon2 and Snorlax)(add comma), are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the bulky Ghosts that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier metagame with its two STAB moves(add comma), Close Combat and Megahorn.

    EDIT- Wow, 2 min check, idk If this is good or not D:
  9. Woodchuck

    Woodchuck i am woodchuck
    is a Battle Server Administratoris a Smogon IRC AOPis a Forum Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    May 25, 2010
    Messages:
    2,165
    let's give this a shot (open)
    Looking at Heracross's stats, its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you, reaching a whoopping 383 unboosted. Due to this its naturally high attacking prowess, Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there; it can use a Choice Band or Status, Flame Orb, or Toxic Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure, and the two can form a very potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certain easily dent the Bbulky Ghost-types that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs Another advantage to using Heracross is that it can be slapped on to any team with little to no support is that; it can heavily damage most of the UU tier by itself with its two STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn. This makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team.

    I guess I need comments? To be honest, most of what I put seems to be self-explanatory, so I'll explain the ones that were more for prose than grammar errors.
    This is one of those things I'd probably mark as optional; I prefer to expand the phrase because "Due to this" is so short it disrupts the flow of the paragraph. But again, this one would be up to the discretion of the author, and it's almost "how I would write it" rather than "how you should write it" >.>

    This seemed out of place, as it's obvious that a Choice Scarf will help with speed, and another item will not.

    It looks like I made a lot of changes to this section, but in reality I just reordered it for better flow and fixed a couple of grammar errors. Is that something that we are supposed to do in GP? I was always unclear as to the extent of changes -- just enough to fix the grammar, or should we be trying to improve the writing as a whole?

    edit: aww that art is so cute
  10. Texas Cloverleaf

    Texas Cloverleaf meh
    is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2009
    Messages:
    7,646
    Show Hide

    Looking at Heracross's statsAmong Heracross's stats its Attack stat instantly jumps out at youis the most noticeable, reaching a whoopingwhopping 383 when unboosted. Due to this, (comma) Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become either a potent revenge killer or an efficient late- (hyphenate)game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there;, (remove semi-colon, add comma) as it can use a Choice Band or Status Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix;(semi-colon) however, (comma) this fails to amend his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bulky Ghosts that check Heracross.,(comma) as Chandelure's two concrete counters(emdash)Porygon2 and Snorlax(emdash)are easily handled by Heracross.(full stop) In return,(comma) Chandelure will take out the bulky Ghost-types that trouble Heracross with little difficulty. Heracross can be slapped on (remove space)to any UU team with little to noneno team support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahorn.thanks to its ability to heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn. For this reason, Heracross should always be considered when making a team.


    The two major changes are primarily re-ordering of material.
  11. DittoCrow

    DittoCrow
    is a Tiering Contributoris a Site Staff Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Past SPL Winner
    Mentor

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2010
    Messages:
    1,477
    placeholder

    Show Hide

    <p>Upon Llooking at Heracross's stats its,(comma) its base 125 Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this. Because of its superb Attack and average base 85 Speed, Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late -(hyphen)game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; it can use a Choice Band or Sa status Orb to become a powerhouse that is capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but;(semicolon) however, this does nothing to fix his middling sSpeed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and,(comma) and the two can form a very potent Ooffensive core,(comma) as Chandelure's two absolute counters (,(comma) Porygon2 and Snorlax,(comma) are handily taken down by Heracross,(comma) while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bbulky Ghost-types that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped onto any UU team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it candue to its ability to heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves:(colon) Close Combat and Megahorn. Heracross is certainly a choice to be considered whenever making a team.</p>


    I'm pretty rusty D: I'll be back in full swing when school ends next week! ^_^
  12. Cereza

    Cereza Tastes Like Candy

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,260
    Show Hide
    <p>When Llooking at Heracross's stats its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this Heracross can utilize, its whopping base 125 Attack stat instantly stands out. Thanks to its huge offensive presence and decent base 85 Speed stat, Heracross can make use of a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or and efficient late-game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; though, as it can also use a Choice Band or Sstatus Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a vost of UU, however, keep in mind that neither item does Heracross's Speed any favor. Chandelure's offensive synergy potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracrosswith Heracross makes it an ideal teammate; Heracross can easily take down Porygon2 and Snorlax, Chandelure's absolute counters, while Chandelure can certainlyput a dent in the Bbulky Ghosts-types that check Heracross. As Heracross can be slapped on to any team withneeds little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it, it can easily fit into any team; this is thanks to its STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn, as they alone can heavily damage most of the UU tier with. All in all, Heracross its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahorn.always a choice to be considered whenever making a team.</p>
  13. Perfexionist

    Perfexionist

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    72
    Changes Marked (open)
    Looking at Heracross's stats its125 Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due to this , Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become both a potent revenge killer orand an efficient late -game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; it can use either a Choice Band or Sstatus Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix hi. However, it should be noted that this does nothing to improve Heracross's middling sSpeed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bulky Ghosts that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support whichcan be slapped onto any team with little to no support, seeing as it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn. This makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahornon any team. Saying that, Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure, and the pair forms a very potent offensive core. Heracross handily takes down Chandelure's two primary counters, Porygon2 and Snorlax, while Chandelure dents the bulky Ghost-types that check Heracross.


    Changes Implemented (open)
    Heracross's 125 Attack stat instantly jumps out at you. Due to this, Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become both a potent revenge killer and an efficient late-game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; it can use either a Choice Band or status Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier. However, it should be noted that this does nothing to improve Heracross's middling Speed. Heracross can be slapped onto any team with little to no support, seeing as it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn. This makes Heracross a choice to be considered on any team. Saying that, Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure, and the pair forms a very potent offensive core. Heracross handily takes down Chandelure's two primary counters, Porygon2 and Snorlax, while Chandelure dents the bulky Ghost-types that check Heracross.


    Comments (open)
    There were a few Grammar Standard issues, including a change from passive to active voice. The main prose change I made was moving the section of the paragraph about Heracross being suitable for a wide range of teams before the section about Heracross and Chandelure being a great combination. Starting with a general statement keeps the information in perspective, and is a good lead-in to specific details such as individual partners.
  14. Chou Toshio

    Chou Toshio @Fighting Necktie
    is a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris an Artist Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    8,212
    whooping... ewww....

    Also "due to this..." ewww....

    edit: looking through it again, I'd probably reassign the analysis if the Overview started like this lol

    you sure found a good example of crap sand. :P
  15. Ray Jay

    Ray Jay "The sky's the limit, okey-dokey!"
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
    Mentor

    Joined:
    May 20, 2010
    Messages:
    1,692
    Wait, is this an actual example from an actual analysis? In the interest of respecting writers, perhaps should we not use actual examples?
  16. Fatecrashers

    Fatecrashers acta est fabula
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2007
    Messages:
    4,997
    the writer himself donated the paragraph calm down
  17. Darkaxis

    Darkaxis

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Messages:
    710
    I'm already all up on this shit. I'll wait for the next one.
  18. dragonboy52

    dragonboy52
    is a Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2009
    Messages:
    1,986
    Show Hide
    Show Hide
    Looking at Heracross's stats its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted.
    Show Hide
    When one looks at Heracross's stats, its Attack stat stands out as it reaches an outstanding 383 even without a boost. Due Thanks to this,(add comma) Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don’t end there; it can use a Choice Band or status Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier.(period) Unfotunately, using a Choice Band or a status Orb does nothing to fix his Heracross's middling Speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent effective offensive core with it, as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) biggest counters: Snorlax and Porygon2 are can handily be taken down by Heracross,(add comma) while Chandelure can certainly dent the bulky Ghosts Ghost-types that check Heracross, such as..... Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be considered whenever making a team. (This sentence is irrelevant) The reason Heracross needs little support is that as it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves: Close Combat and Megahorn.


    Here goes nothing....
  19. breh

    breh ● ︿ ●
    is a Smogon IRC AOPis a Tiering Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2010
    Messages:
    3,165
    add
    remove
    Double spaces are removed.

    Show Hide
    Looking at Heracross's stats, its Attack, which reaches a whopping 383 with a neutral nature, stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. One soon also realizes that Heracross has access to two fantastic STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn, each of which has a high 120 Base Power. Due to this its outstanding strength, Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper becomes a potent revenge killer and an efficient late game sweeper with a Choice Scarf equipped. Heracross's options don’t end there; it can use a Choice Band or Status Orb a status Orb to become turn itself into a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix his middling speed , but does develop issues with its middling Speed as a result. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Offensive core as Chandelure's two absolute counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bulky Ghosts that check Heracross – Chandelure's two absolute counters, Porygon2 and Snorlax, are taken down by the rhinoceros beetle with ease; Chandelure fares equally well against the bulky Ghost-types that give Heracross trouble. Heracross can often be slapped on to any team with little to none no support, (comma) which makes Heracross a superb cadidate choice to be considered whenever making a team for a teamslot. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahorn.


    I didn't like how I felt like rewriting every other sentence. Perhaps I'm just too lazy when it comes to bbcode tags?
  20. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    I'm not really bothered if there's a cp or not. There's pros and cons on both sides anyway. Without a cp, I feel that the writer actually makes the effort to see what's changed and learn from it, but sometimes writers also make mistakes while implementing checks though it shouldn't be the case. CPs are good especially when you read through all the changes and agree with all of them. It'll just save a bit of time for the writer. A rule of thumb for amateur GP checkers, if you're using the diff app, make sure that you provide a check with the changes marked out even when the diff app screwed up. You'll have to diff the changes paragraph by paragraph. GPers cannot stamp a check without the knowing what changes have been made. I'm fine with having a cp (since I don't have the power to not allow cps anyway haha). Just make sure that your changes can be seen! :)

    @sirn: actually if I'm going to comment on a check I'll probably just take out the relevant parts with the mark ups lol. I will probably be commenting on checks that have made an error and explain the error(s). I won't be doing so for checks that actually didn't commit any errors but left out a few changes.

    I saw your check ~_~ brb slapping Chou. Chou you've hurt someone's feelings!! ):< lol

    If I'm using an actual analysis, I'll get permission from the author first. No worries!

    I have no idea what this post mean... ._____.

    Anyway, loving the good response here! ^_^ Thanks for participating everyone~! If you have any suggestions, feel free to bring it up. Just a note to everyone: no need to check for content here. It's not an Overview or anything x) I'd rather you just focus on the grammar and prose than the content for this practice.
  21. Furai

    Furai wellfare
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis a Team Rater Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Past SPL Winner

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Messages:
    2,844
    This is going to suck but what the hell

    Add
    Remove
    Comments

    Revisions (open)
    LookingBy taking a glance at Heracross's stats, its 125 base Attack stat instantly jumps out at youcatches your eye, reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Due stat of 383. Thanks to (due to is more negative)this Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; it can use a Choice Band or Status, Flame Orb, or Toxic Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but does nothing to fix his middling speed. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent Ooffensive core with it, as Chandelure's two absolutemost used (what amarillo said) counters (Porygon2 and Snorlax) are handily taken down by Heracross, while Chandelure can certainly dent the Bbulky Ghosts that check Heracross. Heracross can be slapped on to any team with little to none support which makes Heracross a choice to be consider-types, such as Cofagrigus and Dusclops, that counter Heracross. Moreover, thanks to Heracross's two fantastic STAB moves: Close Combat and Megahorn, it can wreak a lot of havoc in UU. However, Heracross is held back by its mediocre base 85 Speed, whenever making a team. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier withich makes it slower than the vast majority of the metagame, namely Victini, Flygon, and Raikou. In addition, weakness to common Fire- and Psychic-type moves is not a welcoming sight, as Heracross will not be able to switch into them safely. Don't let these setbacks fool you, as Heracross its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahornone of the most notable forces in the UU tier.


    C/P (open)
    By taking a glance at Heracross's stats, its 125 base Attack instantly catches your eye, reaching a whooping unboosted stat of 383. Thanks to this Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late game sweeper. Heracross's options don't end there; it can use a Choice Band, Flame Orb, or Toxic Orb to become a powerhouse capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier. Heracross has great synergy with Chandelure and can form a very potent offensive core with it, as Chandelure's two most used counters—Porygon2 and Snorlax—are handily taken down by Heracross, while Chandelure can certainly dent the bulky Ghost-types, such as Cofagrigus and Dusclops, that counter Heracross. Moreover, thanks to Heracross's two fantastic STAB moves: Close Combat and Megahorn, it can wreak a lot of havoc in UU. However, Heracross is held back by its mediocre base 85 Speed, which makes it slower than the vast majority of the metagame, namely Victini, Flygon, and Raikou. In addition, weakness to common Fire- and Psychic-type moves is not a welcoming sight, as Heracross will not be able to switch into them safely. Don't let these setbacks fool you, as Heracross is one of the most notable forces in the UU tier.
  22. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    Ding Dong~! That's the end of this round!! So here's the answer that you all have been waiting for ^_^

    Answer 1 (open)
    Looking at Heracross's stats its Attack stat instantly jumps out at you reaching a whooping 383 unboosted. Looking at Heracross's stats, one thing that immediately jumps out at you is its Attack, which can reach a whopping 383 unboosted. (1) Due to this,<comma> Heracross can utilize a Choice Scarf to become a potent revenge killer or an efficient late-game sweeper. (2) Heracross's options don't end there; (3) it can use a Choice Band or status Orb (4) to become a powerhouse,<comma> capable of 2HKOing much of the UU tier but. However, these items does (5) nothing to fix his its middling Speed. (6) Heracross has Also notable is Heracross's great synergy with Chandelure, and the two (7) can form a very potent offensive core. As Chandelure's two absolute counters, Porygon2 and Snorlax, are handily taken down by Heracross, while Chandelure can certainly dent the bulky Ghost-types (8) that check Heracross. As it can heavily damage most of the tier with only its two powerful STAB moves, Close Combat and Megahorn, Heracross can be slapped on to onto just about any team with little to none (9) support; this which makes Heracross it a choice to be considered worth considering (10) whenever making a most teams. The reason Heracross needs little support is that it can heavily damage most of the UU tier with its two STAB moves Close Combat and Megahorn. (11)


    Explanations (open)


    1. Here, there is ambiguity about what exactly is looking at Heracross's stats. Of course the subject in that case is you. Stats can't look at stats. However, if you transition from a verb to a subject, then the common link is to match them up. This leads to some confusion, as the original sentence implies that the Attack stat is looking at Heracross.
    2. This is found in the Spelling and Grammar Standards thread. Late-game is the correct term to use.
    3. Use the ASCII ( ' ) apostrophe in writing, not the curly ( ’ ) apostrophe. Just to let you know, curly apostrophes mess up with HTML.
    4. Do not capitalize 'status'. It's found in the thread as well!
    5. There are multiple items here! Also, the subject needs to be made clearer here.
    6. The gender of the Pokemon in question must be consistent. It is preferred to refer to a Pokemon with a gender only when it can have only one gender or it's something like Machamp.
    7. Talking about one subject then changing to another often needs a small auxiliary to show that the information is still relevant. Heracross needs Chandelure to form the core; Heracross alone will not take down teams. Parentheses, while not incorrect, can often be replaced not only to give a smoother flow, but to incorporate the information as part of the sentence. When comparing two items, it's important you don't accidentally form a "run-on" sentence. Be sure to separate the two subjects. tl;dr Heracross does not form the core.
    8. This is a pretty common mistake that people make. Bulky Waters should be bulky Water-types. Clarify you-know-which-thread if you have any doubts.
    9. There shouldn't be a noun after the phrase 'little to none'. In this case, it can be tweaked as 'little to no'. This sentence can be rephrased though!
    10. Smogon encourages active voice over passive voice. Try to use it whenever possible!
    11. This is restructured because the reasoning for Heracross needing little support should be placed somewhere closer to the original line. Not only does it use Heracross's strength to assert why Heracross is a good choice in teams, but by ending with that statement, it really gives the article a strong sense of punch. This change is to improve the prose. Don't be afraid to make huge changes like this if you feel that it is worth changing.


    If some changes are not marked with a number, it's just a simple or obvious change that shouldn't need explanation. Feel free to question the answer key if you have any questions or doubts you wish to clarify.

    I'm quite happy with the amount of participation we're receiving! Thank you guys and keep up the good work! I'll try to edit this post and give a few comments on each of your check in a chronological order.

    Also, just a surprise but DittoCrow has done the best check for this paragraph! Congrats!! ^_^ Everyone did pretty good job too! :D Great job everyone!
    Comments in a different color! I'll just do a quick highlight on where you've gone wrong and sometimes what you missed.



    Furai iirc I told you the changes on IRC so I'm lazy to do it again for you u_u haha.

    A word of advice to everyone. If you don't feel really confident with your checks, you can always proofread your own checks for a second time or more if you want! Personally, I always do that and sometimes I can dig out even more errors that I might have missed out. :) Good job everyone!! Let's see if there's an improvement in the second paragraph!
  23. jc104

    jc104 Humblest person ever
    is a Contributor Alumnus

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2009
    Messages:
    1,780
    I think only one person decided to change this sentence to remove one of the two completely redundant parts. It's like saying "chandelure and heracross work well together and they are good parntners." At the very least you need to make it clear that one leads to the other.

    Also, in my mind bulky ghosts is fine. Bulky waters makes no sense because there is no such thing as a water. Ghost-types, on the other hand, are... well, ghosts. It's logical enough, though perhaps it should be decapitalised.

    Also the main problem with the first sentence is not really ambiguity but more repetition of "stats" and a lack of commas.
  24. Perfexionist

    Perfexionist

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    72
    I don't feel the sentence is redundant. Pokemon can have great synergy, but not form an offensive core. The first clause introduces that the Pokemon work well together, while the second clause states in what way they work well together.

    I would agree that additional information, such as which Pokemon leads to the other, could be added, but the purpose and place of the paragraph needs to be considered before content-based judgments can be established.
  25. sandshrewz

    sandshrewz
    is a Site Staff Alumnusis an Artist Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,435
    Alright, so here is the next paragraph!

    Paragraph 2 (open)
    Despite all of Heracross's power it cannot beat everything in the tier, Gligar can shrug off anything Heracross can throw at it and nullify the damage with Roost. Heracross can’t hurt Bulky Ghosts with his STAB moves, Zapdos like the aforementioned Ghost types can take both of Heracross's STAB moves but has to beware of Stone Edge, and fast scarfers like Victini and Darmatian can OHKO Heracross with th. Heracross also has access to Swords Dance which can be used with a Status Orb to beat most of its usual counters but can rapidly rack up damage and does no favours to Heracross’s middling speed. Heracross can also run a ResTalk set activating Guts and healing itself in the process this set can also absorb sleep from common sleep inducers like Roserade activating the Sleep Clause therefore preventing your opponent from putting any other pokemon on your team to sleep but this set is quite unreliable so it needs more team support then its normal sets. Even with these flaws Heracross shouldn’t be taken lightly since it can easily sweep a weakened team on its own. As far as Heracross’s abilities go Heracross should always use Guts since the ability to gain from a burn rather than be crippled by it is too good for Heracross to pass up. Heracross’s DW ability Moxie is currently unrealesd but when it is it will be a much better option for the Choice Scarf set but would benefit more from Guts on all the other sets.


    Yes it's Heracross again x) Gogogo! ^_^

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)