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Serious Popularity in Schools: How It Affects People
- Thread starter Xenon Blastiose
- Start date
I think the important thing to remember is that school, university, college, TAFE... whatever you're doing, is just the start of it all. Eventually, you're going to finish with education and go on to the real world. Sometimes, you'll get bullied in the workplace, but at this point money is involved making it both easier to cope with, and easier to make someone stop (unless they're your boss, at which point it blows). If you're doing something you really enjoy, you'll probably find you're working with people who have at least that interest in common.
It's a nice idea, but yeah, being on the lower end of the popularity spectrum could get to you. Some people need to be accepted socially to enjoy themselves, others just want to be alone. Bullying is a completely different thing that, as you may have noticed if you have read the threads, hits people in different ways. It can make you intensely miserable, to the point you get sick at the thought of going to school, or it can just be part of the experience... something you're expecting but knowing you'll get past it.
It's a nice idea, but yeah, being on the lower end of the popularity spectrum could get to you. Some people need to be accepted socially to enjoy themselves, others just want to be alone. Bullying is a completely different thing that, as you may have noticed if you have read the threads, hits people in different ways. It can make you intensely miserable, to the point you get sick at the thought of going to school, or it can just be part of the experience... something you're expecting but knowing you'll get past it.
I'll give my own experience here because I feel like it'll be an interesting perspective. In elementary I was consistently too short to really have more than a few friends (I was easy pickings), that said I did have one close friend. We remained that way until high school. Middle school was out right terrible for me because one of my friends had massive anger issues and would usually get explosive. When high school came around, I slowly became more confident in my self. I managed to refine my writing (which is to this day my passion), learn how to act and learn how to sing. I joined a club for four years, went to every debating meet that my school attended through the club (atleast all the ones that didn't require going to California) and made my best friends there (who have stayed friends with me until this day). And at the end of my time in high school I managed to get accepted into a multi-disciplinary arts class which only takes around thirty students per year. To top it off I was elected "Next Shakespeare" by my class when the head of the poetry club (which I was not apart of) turned the superlative down for a different one. I had in no way shape or form campaigned for it and while I can't shake the feeling that it was a sarcastic vote I'm kind of proud that I won something while making fun of everyone campaigning for the superlatives.
That said, I don't really keep in touch with anyone from my high school anymore. The ones from the club I joined ended up screwing me over when board elections came (the previous board had allowed the vote to be stacked towards two specific people and my best friend in the organization refused to even vote for me), the arts class had been in heavy cliques and while I still see and talk to people from it, I don't as much as I should. I go to a large acting school, so the competition is intense enough that the most practice I give my voice is commentating battles.
That said, popularity is a blurry subject. I was both popular and a loner at the same time- both by choice at times and other times forced. I was popular to the extent that I'm funny (enough that an off hand remark caused my Sociology teacher to stop class so that he could laugh) and because I'm smart (for about half a semester I had a permanent sub in an english class so a few of the people in the class who attended trade school turned to me for help. For that half of the semester I essentially taught all of them). I was a loner to the extent that there were some annoying people I didn't really want to be around (there were alot of annoying people) and that I come off as weird. I tend to be some one of emotions (I believe that all reason stems from emotions, so to be reasonable you must first embrace your emotions) and yet I keep myself calm. At times I'm out right hammy. Other times I'm sitting in a corner writing poetry and sarcastic short stories that other people read as morbid (I had a writing proffesor comment how I tend to turn morbid things into something funny) and because I didn't date anyone in high school (despite people showing interest) some of my peers assumed I was gay and attempted to ostracize me for that reason (I'm not).
So really the conclusion I've drawn is that popularity is an illusion. Its something we like to use to pretend that we have friends when we're not yet sure who our friends are (High School tends to do that). By the time some one gets older they tend to know more about themselves and they're thrown into a situation with people who just learned more about themselves and they tend to decide that popularity doesn't mean anything anymore (colleges can have tens of thousands of students- it's impossible to have everyone like you). Just remember, there is happiness pass the popularity pond.
That said, I don't really keep in touch with anyone from my high school anymore. The ones from the club I joined ended up screwing me over when board elections came (the previous board had allowed the vote to be stacked towards two specific people and my best friend in the organization refused to even vote for me), the arts class had been in heavy cliques and while I still see and talk to people from it, I don't as much as I should. I go to a large acting school, so the competition is intense enough that the most practice I give my voice is commentating battles.
That said, popularity is a blurry subject. I was both popular and a loner at the same time- both by choice at times and other times forced. I was popular to the extent that I'm funny (enough that an off hand remark caused my Sociology teacher to stop class so that he could laugh) and because I'm smart (for about half a semester I had a permanent sub in an english class so a few of the people in the class who attended trade school turned to me for help. For that half of the semester I essentially taught all of them). I was a loner to the extent that there were some annoying people I didn't really want to be around (there were alot of annoying people) and that I come off as weird. I tend to be some one of emotions (I believe that all reason stems from emotions, so to be reasonable you must first embrace your emotions) and yet I keep myself calm. At times I'm out right hammy. Other times I'm sitting in a corner writing poetry and sarcastic short stories that other people read as morbid (I had a writing proffesor comment how I tend to turn morbid things into something funny) and because I didn't date anyone in high school (despite people showing interest) some of my peers assumed I was gay and attempted to ostracize me for that reason (I'm not).
So really the conclusion I've drawn is that popularity is an illusion. Its something we like to use to pretend that we have friends when we're not yet sure who our friends are (High School tends to do that). By the time some one gets older they tend to know more about themselves and they're thrown into a situation with people who just learned more about themselves and they tend to decide that popularity doesn't mean anything anymore (colleges can have tens of thousands of students- it's impossible to have everyone like you). Just remember, there is happiness pass the popularity pond.
My best friends are actually mostly from high school, although I picked up a couple going through college. I don't completely agree that popularity is an illusion; some people are more well liked than others, some people are more loved than others, cliques exist etc... but all of this happens to a much smaller extent than is portrayed in the media. You can't really control how attractive you are (which, unfortunately, does play a role) , but you CAN control whether or not you are a person others want to be around. Just don't be an ass and don't take yourself too seriously; Shrug off any insults and don't take personally things that aren't meant to be taken personally :D
Popularity is most definitely not an illusion. One of Maslow's Hierarchy of basic needs, right above security, is the need for acceptance. It is a very REAL thing that causes some people to commit suicide for lack of acceptance/bullying. "Popularity" holds two parts in the Hierarchy in both esteem and belonging, the 3rd/4th tiers. We know, through sociology (Symbolic Interaction= face to face interaction) that we're not only a product of OUR opinions of ourselves, but OTHER'S opinions of ourselves. We also know that cliques are a product of discrimination and superior/subordinate exclusive clubs (minorities such as races, ideals (gays, for example),and ethnic groups (generally religious issue, but also generally a race thing)).
So yeah, it is a very real thing, and if you're a Social Conflict theorist, it is a very real problem. Where I come from, the community was very white, very European and mainly christian. I didn't have to deal with all these social inequalities as some of you do, but we did have a social hierarchy nonetheless. The attentive will always see/notice it.
So yeah, it is a very real thing, and if you're a Social Conflict theorist, it is a very real problem. Where I come from, the community was very white, very European and mainly christian. I didn't have to deal with all these social inequalities as some of you do, but we did have a social hierarchy nonetheless. The attentive will always see/notice it.
Cresselia~~
Junichi Masuda likes this!!
Got bullied in high school and primary school, but did well socially in university.
I think it just depends what people you are with.
I might be all weird back in high school, but people who don't like my stuff are considered the odd ones in uni.
I think it just depends what people you are with.
I might be all weird back in high school, but people who don't like my stuff are considered the odd ones in uni.
I wouldn't say I was popular, but I was likable and had very few problems with anyone. I think it was because I was nice to everyone and I sort of hanged out with anyone. It also helped that the people I went to school with was just nice... I remember on a school trip, we stopped at some restaurant to get something to eat. I like to eat by myself, not because I hate being with people, I just like to eat alone, so I found a table and started eating. These group of girls who were a grade below sat down at a table near me and one of them noticed me. She asked if I wanted to join them, I did, and rest of her friends didn't mind at all. This wasn't just some random group ofgirls either, these were some of the most "popular" ones. That's just the kind of people I went to school with, so I was extremely lucky, but that doesn't mean that people like that don't go your school.
Now the way I view it was that I didn't deem anyone popular or unpopular. I think when people start putting labels on other people and declare that you can't relate to these people because of said label is the problem. It's like these people sort of brainwash themselves into thinking that people will not accept them because they're "weird" or a "nerd", so in a way, they outcast themselves. So I think the ideal of popularity is a smokescreen that people use so they don't have to come out of their comfort zone. So I would suggest to try to talk to one of these "popular" people and see if you can relate, you might be surprised at how much you do.
Now the way I view it was that I didn't deem anyone popular or unpopular. I think when people start putting labels on other people and declare that you can't relate to these people because of said label is the problem. It's like these people sort of brainwash themselves into thinking that people will not accept them because they're "weird" or a "nerd", so in a way, they outcast themselves. So I think the ideal of popularity is a smokescreen that people use so they don't have to come out of their comfort zone. So I would suggest to try to talk to one of these "popular" people and see if you can relate, you might be surprised at how much you do.
For many people, there will be a time in your schooling career (which is essentially your social career so far) when you will develop a passion for things outside the very small social norm, like even Pokemon. As you get older and interact with more mature people, that social norm will expand, earning you respect for your mad Pokemon skills instead of a suppressed mocking smirk and whispers behind your back.
For me, it was high school. I had been bullied before, and in high school, I had a new start, a way to get so busy in what I was doing that I could shield myself from society and their mocking. A little more depressing than I was going for, but it'll do.
Once that shift from looking for social validation to, well, not doing so happens--and by no means is it easy; it's probably the hardest thing I've done in my life--others will begin to respect you for your talents. Your social quirks and outside-of-the-social-norm behaviors become your personality, and as your peers mature, personalities become easier to respect.
There will likely be a time in your life when your personal passions don't fit to a close-minded society's norms, and there isn't much advice I can give to get through that time than to say that many of those faces you see as a perfect image of normal are just as passionate as you about abnormal things.
For me, it was high school. I had been bullied before, and in high school, I had a new start, a way to get so busy in what I was doing that I could shield myself from society and their mocking. A little more depressing than I was going for, but it'll do.
Once that shift from looking for social validation to, well, not doing so happens--and by no means is it easy; it's probably the hardest thing I've done in my life--others will begin to respect you for your talents. Your social quirks and outside-of-the-social-norm behaviors become your personality, and as your peers mature, personalities become easier to respect.
There will likely be a time in your life when your personal passions don't fit to a close-minded society's norms, and there isn't much advice I can give to get through that time than to say that many of those faces you see as a perfect image of normal are just as passionate as you about abnormal things.
I was very quiet guy at school and I was never bullied at all, and I've hardly ever seen any bulling at my school. One of my first friends was very short and loud, he was always pushing people around even though he was much shorter than them. I ended up being much less quiet and I started making way more friends.
Being in high school now, I don't really have any problems socially. I've managed to keep my "good girl" reputation and I have a nice circle of friends who aren't exactly in the popular crowd, which is a good thing because I don't exactly want to be popular. Most of the "popular" kids at my school are assholes and I don't want to be like them.
Middle school was a different story. Let me tell you, being labeled the overly shy and cautious girl sucks big time, especially in the middle school years. A lot of girls hated my guts (for no apparent reason) because they were either jealous of my looks, my grades, or thought I would be an easy target. I did have a small group of friends, but it didn't stop the bitches at my middle school. Worse 3 years of my life, but middle school pretty much sucks anyway.
From my experience, high school is a lot better than the pre-teen years. A lot of people mature and really don't care anymore about what others think, as I have. If people have a problem with me, that's their problem, not mine.
Middle school was a different story. Let me tell you, being labeled the overly shy and cautious girl sucks big time, especially in the middle school years. A lot of girls hated my guts (for no apparent reason) because they were either jealous of my looks, my grades, or thought I would be an easy target. I did have a small group of friends, but it didn't stop the bitches at my middle school. Worse 3 years of my life, but middle school pretty much sucks anyway.
From my experience, high school is a lot better than the pre-teen years. A lot of people mature and really don't care anymore about what others think, as I have. If people have a problem with me, that's their problem, not mine.
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I've never really been picked on so far in school, but I believe my "issue" is my popularity. Believe it or not, I don't really talk that much and I don't socialize. Sure, I have a good amount of friends, but I could probably be closer to them if I was more assertive. I am not outgoing and I keep to myself. I am only open with my best friend and I kind of look down on myself because of how I am. I have to agree that high school seems a bit better than middle school in terms of cliques and such, which is odd? But yea, I don't have it as bad as others, it is just more of an internal conflict.
It'd be this one, sorry but the idea that a group of people hate on someone for looks or especially grades is a little ridiculous. Having said that, middle school kids and even to some extent high school kids are the nastiest pieces of shit around. Once I went to university I never looked back, but high school etc was a meh time for me too.
I am a much stronger person for what I've been through and for that I'm thankful.
This to literally the highest degree of anything that can be measured in degrees. I'm not bullied very often(if at all, actually), but I see several people who are in my school and godDAMN they can be fucking brutal. Literally nothing is off limits for these pricks. It's horrifying how many of these bullies basically have a superiority/god complex.
Before middle school I was the fat kid. Plain and simple, every school and every class had the fat kid, and I was it. I was a huge oddball because I didn't play sports (soccer and baseball were the obvious young kid sports that were popular.). I didn't work well with others and I really didn't do well in school because I was one of those ADD kids that actually had it and weren't just diagnosed by pediatricians because their parents wanted to give them Ritalin because they were annoying to be around. I was regularly picked on and in plain view of adults and older kids, but no one really did anything. I thought a lot about killing myself because of name-calling and the like, which now that I think about is pretty ludicrous considering it never really mattered.
But, I started making friends around 7th grade when I started playing football and used my size to my advantage, which gave me a large injection of self confidence. I also did what a lot of young bullying victims do once they reach middle/high school, which was become a funny guy. I actually put a lot of work into trying to be funny and it's kinda fuzzy to me whether people accepted me because I was actually funny or it was so painfully obvious I was trying to fit in that hard and just allowed me to assimilate properly without mocking me. Regardless of that, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I had a few close friends, and a lot of people who were basically people you talked to at school but never really knew, you know what I mean?
High school, of which I am currently in my second year, is an amazing environment for me. Much like the journeyman I have been my entire life (went to separate schools for Kindergarten, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grades 3, 4, & 5, Grade 6, and middle school.), I was put again at square one, the blank slate. I knew no one at this new-found culture of Catholic High School, but I found myself making really good friends without really even trying. I have a large group of close friends and, while I dislike some, have pretty much zero problems with other people and they don't have a problem with me, as far as I know.
So, I guess I feel that popularity can affect people in that they think it's much more important than it is. Many seem to want attention from the majority at nearly any cost, and if they don't get it it hurts them really bad mentally, such as myself at a young age. But really, I just learned to not care. If someone has beef with me about anything, I don't get mad or sad about the things they say; I wanna talk to them about it. If they don't wanna talk, we're just gonna step our different ways, because it's a big world and you're not going to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try.
But, I started making friends around 7th grade when I started playing football and used my size to my advantage, which gave me a large injection of self confidence. I also did what a lot of young bullying victims do once they reach middle/high school, which was become a funny guy. I actually put a lot of work into trying to be funny and it's kinda fuzzy to me whether people accepted me because I was actually funny or it was so painfully obvious I was trying to fit in that hard and just allowed me to assimilate properly without mocking me. Regardless of that, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I had a few close friends, and a lot of people who were basically people you talked to at school but never really knew, you know what I mean?
High school, of which I am currently in my second year, is an amazing environment for me. Much like the journeyman I have been my entire life (went to separate schools for Kindergarten, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grades 3, 4, & 5, Grade 6, and middle school.), I was put again at square one, the blank slate. I knew no one at this new-found culture of Catholic High School, but I found myself making really good friends without really even trying. I have a large group of close friends and, while I dislike some, have pretty much zero problems with other people and they don't have a problem with me, as far as I know.
So, I guess I feel that popularity can affect people in that they think it's much more important than it is. Many seem to want attention from the majority at nearly any cost, and if they don't get it it hurts them really bad mentally, such as myself at a young age. But really, I just learned to not care. If someone has beef with me about anything, I don't get mad or sad about the things they say; I wanna talk to them about it. If they don't wanna talk, we're just gonna step our different ways, because it's a big world and you're not going to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try.
MoxieInfinite
Banned deucer.
I used to have a ton of friends at my old school, since I brought Pokemon to every class and recess and everything that was possible; everyone looked up to me. Then I moved, and the school I had to go at, had no-one that was really into Pokemon. So I wasn't as popular there.
When I was 8, I actually gave away my TGC card with Lugia on it to a girl I liked. That was a pretty god damn huge deal.
When I was 8, I actually gave away my TGC card with Lugia on it to a girl I liked. That was a pretty god damn huge deal.
I always thought that the people that felt like they "didn't belong" was something exaggerated on television. Back when I was in High School I felt like almost everybody knew each other, from the athletics to the video gamers etc and everybody hung out with each other in some way. But I did feel like the extent of people that we all hung out with from the school only reached about two grades above and below us, and that we barely knew the people beyond that year-range unfortunately. To this day I'm still not sure why that was the case.
For me, I was one of the people that were "well-known" but not necessarily "popular". Like, everyone knew my name and my face, but some people liked me, and some people don't. To most/the majority of people, I was just that super shy kid that likes to be by themselves and do things by themselves. I just hate how popularity was such a huge thing at my old high school. >.> It's like, socially speaking, if you're not really that popular enough (or at least have a good group of friends by you), then you're really not going to get anywhere. Or at least, that's how I felt at the time, because i found it really difficult to make friends due to how isolated I was. It kinda but not really affected who I was, at least reflecting back on things, it made me realize that I could've made an effort to improve my social standing, but honestly I couldn't care less, considering it's high school and social status doesn't really mean much, if anything anyway. It just shaped me in the sense that it motivated me to be less shy around people, somewhat.
I am super socially awkward, not gay though. Anyway, I go to a private school, and we are split into groups, but some of the preps(suits us better) are friends with the jocks. The jocks only like me because I'm sort of good at defense in basketball, but other than that I suck at sports. Overall, I don't think we bully each other that much more than friendly teasing and semi-rivalries.
Since when does socially awkward equate to gay, or is even a stereotypical characteristic of gay people, which by itself wouldn't even be accurate since stereotypes are so often untrue?
Small Asian boy-- I was also bullied in Elementary school (summer school, my main elementary was too small for that...), and in middle school. In Elementary school, I beat the crap out of bullies; didin't matter how many or how big; I was fast, trained, and smart... the bullies were not. It wasn't pretty... for them.
In middle school I got crap for being small and nerdy too-- except that one day we had wrestling for one day of PE early in the semester and I mercilessly beat the shit out of every "bully" who had given me grief until then; including the "stud" (yeah right...) linemen/line backers of our football team. The spanking was so one-sided and so vicious that it was all anyone talked about in the week after. I never got invited to join football because I can't run from crap, and was so small, but I got my space and my respect from then on-- especially as wins and titles piled up in my record as the wrestling team's ace.
Still-- while every "guy" knew not to cross me, that never translated into "popularity" lol.
Especially since I still loved playing me Pokemanz. :)
--or rather, if I could go back in time and do it over while keeping my current mind/skills/knowledge, middleschool/highschool would be amazing! Hilarious!
Well, first of all, it would be absolutely hilarious wrestling middle school kids with all the knowledge/training I got over my whole career-- I'd be COMPLETELY unstoppable then, even up through highschool.
Also, if I could go back with all my current social skills in place?
Becoming epically popular would be ridiculously easy, and I'd have gotten more pussy than I could handle. I think it would be hilariously amusing. Like playing LC with a team of Ubers. lol
In middle school I got crap for being small and nerdy too-- except that one day we had wrestling for one day of PE early in the semester and I mercilessly beat the shit out of every "bully" who had given me grief until then; including the "stud" (yeah right...) linemen/line backers of our football team. The spanking was so one-sided and so vicious that it was all anyone talked about in the week after. I never got invited to join football because I can't run from crap, and was so small, but I got my space and my respect from then on-- especially as wins and titles piled up in my record as the wrestling team's ace.
Still-- while every "guy" knew not to cross me, that never translated into "popularity" lol.
Especially since I still loved playing me Pokemanz. :)
Are you kidding me? That would be amazing--
--or rather, if I could go back in time and do it over while keeping my current mind/skills/knowledge, middleschool/highschool would be amazing! Hilarious!
Well, first of all, it would be absolutely hilarious wrestling middle school kids with all the knowledge/training I got over my whole career-- I'd be COMPLETELY unstoppable then, even up through highschool.
Also, if I could go back with all my current social skills in place?
Becoming epically popular would be ridiculously easy, and I'd have gotten more pussy than I could handle. I think it would be hilariously amusing. Like playing LC with a team of Ubers. lol
I never said it did. I was saying that sometimes people treat gays as socially awkward outcasts. I don't have a gay in my grade, but when people call each other (BAN ME PLEASE) I have a basic idea what it means and that they are using it as a derogatory word. Please don't read into things. To be clear to everybody, I am not anti-gay, I just said I'm not gay.
Popularity isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have a lot of friends in high school who are really popular that I know from track/cross country/work etc. Granted some of them are extreme dicks and the definition of two faced but a suprising number of popular people I know helped me a lot through some super rough times. Popular or not, bullies stem from nearly everywhere it seems.
Primary school was pretty bad, being in a year of only 20 kids and not being good at football essentially meant I had no friends for the first 6 years of my school life.
Secondary school, which I am in my final year of, started shakily; perhaps this was because I didn't really know how to make friends. However, I did make a few and after a period of 'growing up' in year 9 or so I have a lot of good friends. What's good about the secondary school I attend is that it is quite diverse to the point that standard friendship barriers don't exist. I'm a lanky, weak kid interested in chess and debating but my best friend is a rugby player for the school's first team, for instance. I come from an ethnically diverse area so I know someone of almost any faith and race (Poles, Arabs, Indians, Chinese, Latin Americans, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Ba'hais... list goes on) and somehow we all get on pretty well. Nobody is considered uncool by association (unlike at primary school) so if a rugby players or one of the Muslim boys speaks to me they're not alienated by their friendship group. I'm enjoying it so far, though I'm conscious I got lucky and there's some aspects of social life I still need to work at.
Secondary school, which I am in my final year of, started shakily; perhaps this was because I didn't really know how to make friends. However, I did make a few and after a period of 'growing up' in year 9 or so I have a lot of good friends. What's good about the secondary school I attend is that it is quite diverse to the point that standard friendship barriers don't exist. I'm a lanky, weak kid interested in chess and debating but my best friend is a rugby player for the school's first team, for instance. I come from an ethnically diverse area so I know someone of almost any faith and race (Poles, Arabs, Indians, Chinese, Latin Americans, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Ba'hais... list goes on) and somehow we all get on pretty well. Nobody is considered uncool by association (unlike at primary school) so if a rugby players or one of the Muslim boys speaks to me they're not alienated by their friendship group. I'm enjoying it so far, though I'm conscious I got lucky and there's some aspects of social life I still need to work at.