Dear DM:
After some extensive research I have finally drawn you. I have decided that you are an overweight businessman with a penchant for Hawaiian shirts, and listen to music on your iPod. Your hair is so thick that headphones strain to fit over your head with that much hair, but you can't use the inner ear ones because they suck and are too small for you to grab properly, anyways. You probably also wear hot pants (represented by the lime green pair I drew you in) in order to get in touch with the 13-16 year old crowd.
You have anime eyes from sitting at the computer too much, and the radiation has warped your face permanently, also bestowing on you a triangle for a nose, and a white strip with a black outline for a mouth. On the bright side, it did make your luxuriously thick hair even more think.