ok these are going to be corny but whatever! substitute judge!
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
I haven't played Cluedo for a long time, so I sat down to play Cluedo just for this match.
not really
I was shocked to discover that rather than Dr. Black being dead, the game focused on a different group of characters.
On the ground laid the body of a wolf, who appeared to have been transforming back into a man for the morning -- it was a werewolf. However, on closer inspection, a single silver bullet was spotted protruding from the werewolf's head, one that had clearly been shot from a
Revolver. Mekkah's hot sister appeared to have been tied up, <censored>, and then strangled by someone using some
Rope. The next corpse belonged to a slender, tall man with his hand loosely wrapped around the hilt of his sword. I quickly identified this to be none other than Rutger, and observed that he had taken a heavy blow to his temple with a
Lead Pipe lying nearby, no doubt due to his relatively low defense stat. I was then shocked to see an entire band of mercenaries lying dead on the ground next to Rutger. I saw their faces had been torched and their bodies were covered with burn marks, and one even had a
Dagger right through his face. It was clear to me that this had been achieved by a madman wielding a
Candlestick.
Undeniably, Professor Plum was responsible for all of these murders -- it was later revealed that the whole thing had been recorded on tape. But there was yet another. Highlight to reveal the ending...
Professor Plum had looked down at the bodies around him, and shouted: 'What have I done?!?' He exited the mansion and walked out onto the street, where the yip yips were saying something about their 'stupid bus no longer working'. Professor Plum realised this was a wonderful moment to begin paying back his conscience for his crimes. He produced a trusty Spanner and set to work checking the bus' tires. However, this was just what the yip yips wanted. They got into their bus and started the engine. Professor Plum shouted 'What are you doing?!?' before being run down by the bus.
A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf wins!
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barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
Barney the Dinosaur had been employed to catch the master assassin behind the death of StrangerDanger. However, being a big stupid purple dinosaur, he was not the most adept criminal psychology graduate in the world -- in fact he had graduated from none other than the 'University of Happy Peace and Love', where criminal psychology courses involved nothing more than asking primary school children whether they stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
At the crimescene of the murder, Barney managed to locate some strands of hair on the floor, and a pair of scissors. He dismissed the 'How to make a fur coat from a man's beard' book on the floor as one of StrangerDanger's many bizarre interests. When he was leaving StrangerDanger's apartment, he came across none other than Lady Gaga wearing a fur coat made of StrangerDanger's hair. Lady Gaga started stammering: 'muh- muh- muh- murder? In this apartment? Of course I'm not responsible. If you were assuming that I am the murderer, it must be plain luck and intuition.' Now, Barney may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but he could tell that something was up with Lady Gaga. He looked her in the eyes, and said 'Okay, I want you to answer me truthfully. Did you murder StrangerDanger?' Lady Gaga replied 'I promise this, I promise this. I did not murder StrangerDanger'. Barney, observing that Lady Gaga's facial expression had not changed at all, decided that she was telling the truth.
'Do you want to help me investigate this apartment for clues then?' he asked. 'Sure, just let me iron my fur coat made from StrangerDanger's beard'. She turned on the clothes iron and took off the coat as Barney explored the bathroom. He began humming an all too familiar tune.
'I love you You love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...'
With this, Lady Gaga could take no more. She started singing her own tune as she put on oven gloves and placed the scissors against the electric clothes iron, which had by now reached a startlingly high temperature.
'I'll get him hot, show him what I've got'
...
As Barney emerged from the bathroom, Lady Gaga screamed out:
'I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you...
Can't read my, can't read my
NO HE CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE'
...as she stabbed Barney in the heart with the red hot scissors.
lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard wins!
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A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
A new mafia player had just joined the latest big mafia game (one created by Brain based on the
thought experiment involving the hive mind he posted), somehow getting in over quality players like Raverist and AlphaBravo. He joined #warau and was invited to his mafia channel by none other than the head of his mafia team: Gmax, the wisened IRC veteran. It wasn't long before Gmax began to propose some of the more unauthodox strategies he had adopted in some previous games, such as abusing netsplits. The new player, none other than
Japanese_Giant_Hornet (he got his name from Wikipedia's random article feature), announced that he had enough time to discover exactly who was on the opposing mafia side by joining their channel, #christianity, when a netsplit occurred. He trained on the fabled DejaToons server until he had the most impeccable timing skills on all of SynIRC. Then the moment came.
The victim of the attack was none other than CaptCombee (previously known as CaptKirby but he then fell victim to the
new name change trend), who had a role that allowed him to convert enemies (from the village, known as the hive mind) to his own side, but he couldn't risk being discovered. Japanese_Giant_Hornet brought the (CaptCom)bee trying to convert his hive to christianity to his knees using the perfectly timed netsplit.
a perfectly timed netsplit wins!
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A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
The machine worked, and 10 000 machamps were produced. Even ten thousand Machamp couldn't make Strength a move worth using though, and Luke Skywalker's Glare (yeah it says stare but it's the same thing) just made Machamp even more on edge. Even DynamicPunch missed Luke Skywalker's face by a mile. Ironically though, it wasn't until the Machamp all became paralysed that Luke Skywalker began to take a beating from Strength. Thanks to his lack of PokeKnowledge, Luke Skywalker had unwittingly activated Machamp's ability, which was now evident from the DynamicPunch misses...... GUTS! The overwhelmingly gutsy team of Machamp finally overcame Luke Skywalker, and not even the force of a lightsaber against the Machamp was enough to stop them from crushing him with their repeated Strength attacks.
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp wins!
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Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
Max Baer glanced around looking for someone to punch, but was unable to find his opponents. Finally, he decided to walk out onto the road grunting, where a car slammed on its brakes. Someone dropped solid fire on top of the car despite the rain, and Max Baer, finally having something to punch, decided to punch it, turning it to gas and causing a massive explosion. Of course, this only damaged a small portion of the road, leaving slippery driving conditions intact.
slippery driving conditions wins!