I've never had this problem, but I frequently switch friend bases and generally make friends fairly easily. My advice is just about the same as anyone elses; be yourself. It's corny as fuck, but true. If you start acting like some really cool badass, people will notice, and you'll only dig yourself in. I'm sure that you've seen people try to hard to fit in even on these forums, and ultimately they are rejected. Join clubs, play sports, and most importantly DO NOT expect people to come to you. You must be extremely social, find common interests, and exploit them in your conversations to find new friends. Attempt to be funny, but don't just say stupid shit. The only thing you can do past that is dress nicely. If you are dressed in a very nerdy way, people will treat you like that initially and will only forget it once they get to know you. However, if you are "trendily" dressed, people will feel much more comfortable with you. Once you finally "fit in," then you can become a trend-setter and make your own styles that will gain popularity just because you are wearing them. But, for now, normality in dress is something you should strive for.
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This is pretty easy. Be outgoing, that's all you need to do. It's pretty simple. Become friends with one of the "popular" kids. Share stories and talk shit on Facebook. Comment on "popular" people's status. Then, you'll get invited one day and meet more people. You'll branch off from there. It really isn't that hard.
whatever you do don't be yourself if you want to be popular. unless your hobbies and interests are the epitome of cool (playing in a band, sports jock, ride a motorcycle) being yourself is a recipe for disaster. those who can be themselves but remain popular are incredibly lucky and charismatic (almost everyone has to be at least a little insincere) and i doubt you count amongst them considering the fact that you are asking on smogon for help. what you need to do is take up hobbies or interests that people respect, regardless of what you think about them. some of the above that i mentioned are good starters. you can wear really trendy clothes (big plus) or take edgy drugs. if you feel that this is being too insincere then don't bother. and people won't necessarily notice if you "try to hard": people only notice when you're a bad actor.
btw, popularity is awesome. i was on sports teams but when i changed schools those first two weeks i realized just how much being obscure totally sucks. i never liked most people in high school anyways (hence not much point in being "genuine" and looking for "real" friends) but having people generally like you is pretty sweet and gets you girls. woo-hoo!
oh but people tell you that it's superficial (oh no!).
btw, popularity is awesome. i was on sports teams but when i changed schools those first two weeks i realized just how much being obscure totally sucks. i never liked most people in high school anyways (hence not much point in being "genuine" and looking for "real" friends) but having people generally like you is pretty sweet and gets you girls. woo-hoo!
oh but people tell you that it's superficial (oh no!).
I live in Singapore, a multi-ethnic country... racism is non-existent, we are given jobs and whatnot based on merit, regardless of race, language or religion. Popularity? You know, you shouldn't care about that, you should be more concerned about doing well in your studies, who cares if you are called "nerd", you will prevail in the end, I am not dissing popularity though, if you can become popular, that's a bonus, if not, it doesn't matter.
Ok i have a few problems with this post:
1) If you don't be yourself, you'll be getting friends that are only friends because of how you act, not ones that actually care about you for who you are.( If you act like a jerk naturally, then you should not act like yourself)
2)Popularity isin't alwasy awesome, people will start hating you for no reason and spread false rumors in order to take you down a notch.
3) taking drugs and acting " cool" may get you friends, but the second you stop taking drugs and stop acting " cool", they'll shun you away pretty fast for not being " cool".
All your saying is that the OP is a socially inept loser and saying " hey, be like the guys who constantly treat you like shit and take drugs, it's guranteed to make you cool!" which is the worst advice you can give him.
Now for my advice: Op, you should try to be yourself but if you do some stupid things by being your self, the you shouldn't do them. you'll find people with common intrests to yours and they'll be actual firends, not the ones who will back stab you to get more popular
You're totally right. What's the point in having friends if in the end they don't even care about you for who you are? You should just be yourself, don't try to impress others by doing fancy things. I'm pretty sure you'll make friends who like you for who you are. If they are popular, good for you. But you should be looking for real friends, not just people to hang out with 'cause they supposedly are popular.
Imo, you're a shallow person, favoring popularity over friendship. What would you prefer:
A) People spread stupid rumors about you so make people hate you, people hate you for no reason, and ending up with no "real" friends?
Or...
B) You have a group of friends who make everything in life easier.
A) People spread stupid rumors about you so make people hate you, people hate you for no reason, and ending up with no "real" friends?
Or...
B) You have a group of friends who make everything in life easier.
IMO, There's a difference in being popular and having friends.
Unlike above Posters, It IS Possible to have both. When your popular it just means you have a wider range and variety of friends.
People have the stereotype of being "Popular" = drug-abuser, jerk, rumor-spreading, etc.
There ARE nice popular people. The trick is up to you, its WHO you want to be friends with.
The corny line "opposites attract" may work for some, may not work for others.
I have friends that totally think pokemon is nerdy, and i have friends that think pokemon is cool. It doesn't really matter mate. As long as you have fun and are happy with your friends its fine.
Making Friends : Just be confident about yourself, if people laugh and tease you, laugh WITH them. Don't get mad, don't get upset, try to turn things around.
In my school, (not bragging or anything), I'm part of the "Popular Crowd" that goes drinking/ does a bit of drugs here and there. I don't take part in it, yet I still feel welcome. They don't shun me, so stop the stereotyping ;p
TLDR; Make friends with who you think is interesting. Don't make friends with people who you think will make you be popular ( that's a jerk move).
Unlike above Posters, It IS Possible to have both. When your popular it just means you have a wider range and variety of friends.
People have the stereotype of being "Popular" = drug-abuser, jerk, rumor-spreading, etc.
There ARE nice popular people. The trick is up to you, its WHO you want to be friends with.
The corny line "opposites attract" may work for some, may not work for others.
I have friends that totally think pokemon is nerdy, and i have friends that think pokemon is cool. It doesn't really matter mate. As long as you have fun and are happy with your friends its fine.
Making Friends : Just be confident about yourself, if people laugh and tease you, laugh WITH them. Don't get mad, don't get upset, try to turn things around.
In my school, (not bragging or anything), I'm part of the "Popular Crowd" that goes drinking/ does a bit of drugs here and there. I don't take part in it, yet I still feel welcome. They don't shun me, so stop the stereotyping ;p
TLDR; Make friends with who you think is interesting. Don't make friends with people who you think will make you be popular ( that's a jerk move).
IMO if you have to actively try to become friends with a group of people they are probably the wrong type of people for you! Friendship is something that usually just happens, really. Sure, be a member of various clubs and shit, but join them because you are passionate about what the club does or want to learn about it, not for +100 social circle.
Also try too hard to be popular above all else and you could end up in McDonalds making me a sandwich
Remember this
Also try too hard to be popular above all else and you could end up in McDonalds making me a sandwich
Remember this
Whatever you do don't listen to ivar and try drugs. Honestly, the people who are doing drugs in High School are not the people you want to hang out with (I'm not saying everyone who used / tried drugs in High School are bad, but if you get into them you will meet the people I'm talking about). Seriously, within every circle of friends who have been brought together by drugs there are people who are scum of the earth. This is true for weed, and truer for anything else. I'm not even saying you won't make friends if you try drugs - I'm just saying they won't be good friends. All of the cool drug users I met, I did so through music, and when I met their drug abusing friends, I didn't like them (the friends). As South Park says, there is a time and a place for everything; and that time and place is college. Don't do drugs in high school
Also, I would worry less about being popular and more about just having a lot of friends. I wasn't popular in High School, but I had friends who were popular, friends who were not popular, and friends who were generally hated. The trick is to just hang out with whoever you like hanging out with, not who you think the school would most like to see you hanging out with. When you're out of high school, popularity will matter for jack shit. Seriously, jack shit. I cannot state this enough: I have no idea how popular anyone in my college was in high school, nor does anybody else, and we don't care. Your friends, however, will last way beyond college - you will hang out with them again and again (if you keep up ties). So my point is, don't worry about your "status" at the high school. Just make a lot of friends, as this will be the most important thing in the future, as well as the best way to have genuine fun now. You'll have more fun with people you really like than you will if you force yourself onto the "popular" kids and are constantly worrying about fitting in.
Also, I would worry less about being popular and more about just having a lot of friends. I wasn't popular in High School, but I had friends who were popular, friends who were not popular, and friends who were generally hated. The trick is to just hang out with whoever you like hanging out with, not who you think the school would most like to see you hanging out with. When you're out of high school, popularity will matter for jack shit. Seriously, jack shit. I cannot state this enough: I have no idea how popular anyone in my college was in high school, nor does anybody else, and we don't care. Your friends, however, will last way beyond college - you will hang out with them again and again (if you keep up ties). So my point is, don't worry about your "status" at the high school. Just make a lot of friends, as this will be the most important thing in the future, as well as the best way to have genuine fun now. You'll have more fun with people you really like than you will if you force yourself onto the "popular" kids and are constantly worrying about fitting in.
I agree that there is a difference with Popularity to having friends. And i know it's also possible to have friends who are actual ones and aren't just being one because your popular. I was just very annoyed at Ivar saying that taking drugs and drinking is the way to get friends, and also saying to do things that the OP might not want to do just because it's "cool", when most of those " friends" will drop you the second you stop doing those things. And him saying to not be yourself when thats the thing you should do when trying to get friends ( Unless you act like a jerk naturally, then you don't want to act like yourself).
True, but a lot of people are under the impression that if you are being yourself and are not popular, then you have to change yourself in order to be popular. It's just a fancy way of saying bandwagon and bandwagoning is NEVER the right thing to do. Instead, if you are being yourself and are not popular, what that really means is that you are not popular with one crowd. Solution: find a better crowd that is more likely to accept you for who you are.
General rule: Do not change yourself for the sake of others.
Agreed with Objection. And just try hanging out with some of the other Indian kids; they might surprise you. You did to them what the white kids did to you: wrote them off at a glance. Hey, it's possible that some of the white kids won't want to hang out with you. In that case, look for friends that'll accept you, whatever color they are.
If what you do in school is try to be liked and "top of the heap", then you are an asshole. Be yourself man, be confident with who you are and cool with who you are. You'll want to be friends with people who like you for who you are, if you dont that will lead to problems.
The nicer kids/girls are usually the ones who don't go around with a status list in their head. Don't get caught up in the highschool bullshit of "what's hot and what's not".
If you actually want tips:
Jokes (learn some, make sure you laugh at them too)
Watch the tv shows/ films everyone else watches, it's good for conversation
learn a bit about music, pop, rock etc, it's something to talk about
Be confident.
Ask people about THEM, people normally like talking about themselves.
Help people if you can. You say you're good at sports, maybe you could help friends with that. Or if you're smart help them with Homework. (But don't get into a position where people are using you.)
The nicer kids/girls are usually the ones who don't go around with a status list in their head. Don't get caught up in the highschool bullshit of "what's hot and what's not".
If you actually want tips:
Jokes (learn some, make sure you laugh at them too)
Watch the tv shows/ films everyone else watches, it's good for conversation
learn a bit about music, pop, rock etc, it's something to talk about
Be confident.
Ask people about THEM, people normally like talking about themselves.
Help people if you can. You say you're good at sports, maybe you could help friends with that. Or if you're smart help them with Homework. (But don't get into a position where people are using you.)
popularity does matter post high school, it's just that high school popularity and post aren't necessarily transitive. what's called popularity in high school becomes "social networking" or "business relations" in adult life... that's the best way to get a job, hook-ups, privileges--kissing ass to the right people (i.e. your popularity). how did my dad get tenure as a professor? sure, part of it was the quality of his work, but the other was his likability amongst academic circles. how do you move up the corporate ladder, or start your own business? working hard, intellect, and merit are not enough, you need connections generated from your social status. high school is as good a barometer as any for your talents.
and lol at "real friends". to those of you out of high school, how many of your "true friends" do you still hang out with? i hang out with maybe 3-4. ultimately, you've only got yourself, some special people (best friends, partners, family) and a shitload of disposable acquaintances.
fuck hanging out with the ugly losers and get popular instead, and bang some hot chicks. your "true friend" quotient might be smaller, but by sheer virtue of people you are meeting you'll still probably have more of those. i was popular in high school... and i never at any point dreading it or thought i was missing out on special relationships. even if i don't necessarily hang out wit them anymore, i had a bunch of good friends, some people i kinda liked and yeah some that i didn't really like. it's the same as any other person just in greater abundance. to be fair i didn't try really hard to fit in, but i did may attention to social nuance (i didn't declare my posting on smogon).
it makes your life more content when you have a lot of friends and that's all popularity amounts to. it's not selling your soul: you might think your changing yourself to fit within social norms, but when you realize how much you like it, you realize that instead your changing yourself to not feel as superficial about your liking popularity.
and lol at "real friends". to those of you out of high school, how many of your "true friends" do you still hang out with? i hang out with maybe 3-4. ultimately, you've only got yourself, some special people (best friends, partners, family) and a shitload of disposable acquaintances.
fuck hanging out with the ugly losers and get popular instead, and bang some hot chicks. your "true friend" quotient might be smaller, but by sheer virtue of people you are meeting you'll still probably have more of those. i was popular in high school... and i never at any point dreading it or thought i was missing out on special relationships. even if i don't necessarily hang out wit them anymore, i had a bunch of good friends, some people i kinda liked and yeah some that i didn't really like. it's the same as any other person just in greater abundance. to be fair i didn't try really hard to fit in, but i did may attention to social nuance (i didn't declare my posting on smogon).
it makes your life more content when you have a lot of friends and that's all popularity amounts to. it's not selling your soul: you might think your changing yourself to fit within social norms, but when you realize how much you like it, you realize that instead your changing yourself to not feel as superficial about your liking popularity.
Sorry Ivar, your advice is just not that good, I already disporved it on your last post here but you decided to just post the same damn thing but adding " it doesn't matter how good you are at working, you won't get a good one if you don't kiss everyone's ass". Also Ugly Losers? Your advice is getting more and more retarted everytime i re read it.
Tl;dr: your advice isin't going to help the OP at all
Tl;dr: your advice isin't going to help the OP at all
ivar's advice is good if you're thinking short-term. Ignore everything he says unless you want to end up alone and having to repeat the process though. As for people I still hang out with from high school, one of my closest friends I've known since the fourth grade. My core group of friends I still hang out with regularly even though only one is in the same program as me in university. The small extended group of friends I still see every once in a while and play games with online. The larger group of friends I still contact every once in a while and interact with via Facebook.
All of these friends I can add to LinkedIn and know to an extent their strengths/weaknesses and could get a job favour from. One actually I'm working with on a non-profit project that should really boost my portfolio.
I still remember this kid I used to hang out with in elementary school who decided he wanted to talk to the "coolest" kids instead. So for two years he hung out with them, they went to different schools, ended up with few friends in high school and was a relative unknown. I prefer the long-term path with meaningful friendships.
As for specific advice for you, I'm a brown kid with maybe less than a half-dozen brown friends that I didn't meet through my family. Most of the South Asian kids in my school were one step away from being drop outs engaged in gang warfare. Not trying to stereotype, but it's true. Don't look at race and instead look at your interests. You say you like to play sports. What sports do you like and what are you good at? Try out for the team. I'm sure you'll find people there to connect with. It's the easiest way to do this and it's so obvious I'm surprised you had to make this!
All of these friends I can add to LinkedIn and know to an extent their strengths/weaknesses and could get a job favour from. One actually I'm working with on a non-profit project that should really boost my portfolio.
I still remember this kid I used to hang out with in elementary school who decided he wanted to talk to the "coolest" kids instead. So for two years he hung out with them, they went to different schools, ended up with few friends in high school and was a relative unknown. I prefer the long-term path with meaningful friendships.
As for specific advice for you, I'm a brown kid with maybe less than a half-dozen brown friends that I didn't meet through my family. Most of the South Asian kids in my school were one step away from being drop outs engaged in gang warfare. Not trying to stereotype, but it's true. Don't look at race and instead look at your interests. You say you like to play sports. What sports do you like and what are you good at? Try out for the team. I'm sure you'll find people there to connect with. It's the easiest way to do this and it's so obvious I'm surprised you had to make this!
lord berserker, you haven't disproved a single thing. you only said that people will judge you based on false credentials (how you act or some other gibberish)... which is kind of an absurd statement to make. how do you know how people judge you? and i never said he had to do drugs, he could be in a band or do something truly awesome like single-handedly beat up the biggest school gang (if he's in public school lol). if you are a total badass people will like you.
not only that, but he wants to know how he can be POPULAR. not a nice dude, or how to not be "superficial" according to the same kindergarten logic we are force-fed and that we still propagate to this day. YOUR advice is to be yourself... but how does this result in the popularity he wants? but then you'll say that maybe it won't make you popular but you'll be "true to yourself" (as if authenticity is not philosophically profound at all). however, that DOESNT give him the advice that he wants.
as for firestorm, wow i am surprised that you hang out with your high school circle of friends. i guess that rhetorical question failed in a way. but most of the people i know are in similar positions... they just drift away from high school friends, and how many 30 year olds do you know that still hang with high school buddies? i do with my best friend but we were friends long before high school (three years old).
i really think that numbers is the best way to have good friends. it's mathematical probability: the more people you meet, the more likely you'll have friends. you might say that you won't meet the right people, but only your prejudices dictate that: i thought i would always hate those hipsters dudes, but hey i made good friends with a bunch of them. you just never really know...
not only that, but he wants to know how he can be POPULAR. not a nice dude, or how to not be "superficial" according to the same kindergarten logic we are force-fed and that we still propagate to this day. YOUR advice is to be yourself... but how does this result in the popularity he wants? but then you'll say that maybe it won't make you popular but you'll be "true to yourself" (as if authenticity is not philosophically profound at all). however, that DOESNT give him the advice that he wants.
as for firestorm, wow i am surprised that you hang out with your high school circle of friends. i guess that rhetorical question failed in a way. but most of the people i know are in similar positions... they just drift away from high school friends, and how many 30 year olds do you know that still hang with high school buddies? i do with my best friend but we were friends long before high school (three years old).
i really think that numbers is the best way to have good friends. it's mathematical probability: the more people you meet, the more likely you'll have friends. you might say that you won't meet the right people, but only your prejudices dictate that: i thought i would always hate those hipsters dudes, but hey i made good friends with a bunch of them. you just never really know...
There are two types of popularity. There's the type you seem to be advocating which is the high school movie jock popularity where you think you're on top of the world and everybody knows you, but you know very few of them and are always surrounded by people. That will bite you in the ass once those people move on with their lives.
There's the type that others are advocating which involves making friends, getting involved with what's going on, and being recognized for who you are. This leads to longer-lasting relationships, closer relationships, and more useful relationships.
It's not only who you know, it's how you know them.
Most of the people you know drifted away from their high school friends because they were like you. Fake. Most of the people I know still hang out with their high school friends regularly because they weren't. There's also the fact that in my area most people stayed close to home for university. Although I've made a ton of new friends, I still hang out with both groups of friends regularly and some of them have even gotten to know each other.
As for your "I always hated those hipster dudes, but hey i made good friends with a bunch of them", my philosophy doesn't stop that. I didn't disregard any clique unless they were filled with douchebags.
My advice is, unless you're "true to yourself" as you put it, you're not going to be meeting people who you'll care to hang out with.
There's the type that others are advocating which involves making friends, getting involved with what's going on, and being recognized for who you are. This leads to longer-lasting relationships, closer relationships, and more useful relationships.
It's not only who you know, it's how you know them.
Most of the people you know drifted away from their high school friends because they were like you. Fake. Most of the people I know still hang out with their high school friends regularly because they weren't. There's also the fact that in my area most people stayed close to home for university. Although I've made a ton of new friends, I still hang out with both groups of friends regularly and some of them have even gotten to know each other.
As for your "I always hated those hipster dudes, but hey i made good friends with a bunch of them", my philosophy doesn't stop that. I didn't disregard any clique unless they were filled with douchebags.
My advice is, unless you're "true to yourself" as you put it, you're not going to be meeting people who you'll care to hang out with.
that, to me, is a fairy tale distinction. i'm sorry but i don't think one's approach really has anything to do with the "quality" of friends made. and your continued friendships probably have more to do with geographical closeness than you let on (lots of my high school friends have left t-dot and i've moved from west end to downtown myself). i still see them during the summer but i just don't count that as the same thing (although a couple as often as possible). you also said many of your friends are from family relations (only 6 or so are not)... that's usually a tighter bond than non family relations.
i think that given a large enough population, despite differences between people, most can be categorized into people you like and people you don't and people you really like. being "fake" (please stop using that annoying term like it actually means anything) popular will cause you to meet those same amount of people as being totally authentic and for real. at the end of the day, me the empty popular guy compared to the brown family friends guy probably have the same amount of valued friendships, despite the differences in approach. and i probably have a lot more acquaintances to boot, meaning i have more diverse options for going out and getting girls (and yet i am on smogon regularly :p) and still have good friends. and so many of these "be yourself" kiddos who talk about how popularity is so overrated seem depressed and unsatisfied with their lives. and somehow i'm in the wrong.
It sounds like the big difference lies in what friendship means to each type of person.
ivar, the reason people bring up "fake" so much is because you are one person, and when people talk about being fake, they mean that you are pretending to be a different person to what you really are. Those who are not very good at keeping a facade up for long may lose some of their new friends when they drop the act, although some of the new friends may understand the situation and remain friends. However, the person that you are is not a constant. As human beings, we develop as we get older and experience many different things. Therefore, it is possible to change oneself in order to become popular without having to pretend anything. However, as I said earlier, changing oneself solely for the purpose of being popular is bandwagoning, so at the very least, the idea that popular automatically equals good requires justification, which you seem to be trying to provide for the OP even though it is his job to justify.
ivar, the reason people bring up "fake" so much is because you are one person, and when people talk about being fake, they mean that you are pretending to be a different person to what you really are. Those who are not very good at keeping a facade up for long may lose some of their new friends when they drop the act, although some of the new friends may understand the situation and remain friends. However, the person that you are is not a constant. As human beings, we develop as we get older and experience many different things. Therefore, it is possible to change oneself in order to become popular without having to pretend anything. However, as I said earlier, changing oneself solely for the purpose of being popular is bandwagoning, so at the very least, the idea that popular automatically equals good requires justification, which you seem to be trying to provide for the OP even though it is his job to justify.
Well, the friend of mine who I'm working with on our current project actually moved thousands of miles away for school and is back. We're still friends although we obviously didn't hang out a bunch!
As for family friends, I was referring to my "brown friends". Most of my friends aren't from the same ethnic background as me.
Your way of achieving popularity is stupid. I only knew about half my grade in high school (so about 200 / 400 people?) and although I'd have liked to have got to know more people, I really don't see the point if I was just going to kill all contact and hated them anyway.
I agree you can divide people in people you like, don't like, and really like. I don't see why you would make friends with people you don't like or with people who don't like who you are. If quantity of friends matters that much to you, then you're probably trying to make up for something.
Personally, I'm pretty happy with my friendship situation and the path I've taken.
How did you come to the conclusion that i'm depressed and unsatsfied with my self just because i think that it's better to try and be yourself? ( Again, if acting like yourself makes people hate you, then don't act like yourself)
Also, have ever thought that maybe the OP doesn't want to do what your telling him to do or can't do it? ( Although i doubt he even looks at this thread anymore)
Also, have ever thought that maybe the OP doesn't want to do what your telling him to do or can't do it? ( Although i doubt he even looks at this thread anymore)