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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
I KNEW that pokemon was a strong aphrodisiac but I had no idea that it works that fast
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Breakups are always unpleasant for one or both parties.
No matter what they say, you should not try and "just be friends". You should cut off contact to the maximum extent possible to give the other party time to grieve and move on.
Their addled mind will find any reason whatsoever not to move on, so attempts to "just be friends" will only prolong their hurt and give them reasons to keep hoping.
Once they've moved on, you can recommence normal friendship.
there's so many pokemon and stereotypical nerd jokes that can be put here but its marked serious
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:,(
Not sure if this belongs here, but I don't know of a better place to post this. Despite having been a member for almost 2 years, I'm not very active, nor am I a well-known member around here. However, for some reason, I still feel (and hope) that this is a safe place to share my story. :D
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Man thats a little poem i made for you
People are People so what should it be
You and her don't match up sexualy
Its obvious you avoiding her
Although she did nothing wrong
She never even knew about it
So what she could have done
People are People so what should it be
You and her don't match up sexualy
So you are different sexes
And different sexualy oriented peeps
And different people have different needs
If she cant understand what makes a man
love another man help her understand
You been together for very long time
But your decision was absolutly fine
cuz no reationship can hold up
without some quality f***
If she cant understand what makes a man
love another man help her understand (x3)
People are People so what should it be
You and her don't match up sexualy
Its obvious you avoiding her
Although she did nothing wrong
She never even knew about it
So what she could have done
People are People so what should it be
You and her don't match up sexualy
So you are different sexes
And different sexualy oriented peeps
And different people have different needs
If she cant understand what makes a man
love another man help her understand
You been together for very long time
But your decision was absolutly fine
cuz no reationship can hold up
without some quality f***
If she cant understand what makes a man
love another man help her understand (x3)
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Cuz no relationship can hold up
Without some quality fuck
Without some quality fuck
Your situation doesn't necessarily merit a complete overhaul of the way you think about your sexuality. If you are truly gay and have no attraction to ANY women, that fact will make itself known to you. You can't force yourself to figure it out.
As for that particular girl, I know how you feel. I have been dating numerous women recently, but none of them have gone very far into the physical realm because I just wasn't that into them, and there's nothing wrong with that. If there's no spark, you can't create one out of thin air.
As for that particular girl, I know how you feel. I have been dating numerous women recently, but none of them have gone very far into the physical realm because I just wasn't that into them, and there's nothing wrong with that. If there's no spark, you can't create one out of thin air.
I'm assuming you are asking this because the tongue isn't fast enough?
Yeah, use your face.
Seriously though, if you have a consistent partner it shouldn't stop you. Everyone has their favorite ways of being touched, and you should find out what those are. If they already masturbate regularly, find out what they do and what sort of pace they like. Sorry I don't have any advice for better penetration, but I'm just a waiting virgin who has very open conversations with close friends.
Anyone have experiences with polyamorous/open relationships?
Boyfriend of 4 years and I decided to go for an open relationship due to long distance and the relationship being serious enough to stay together even though we will be physically separated for a long while. I graduated from university early and on the job hunt while he recently found out that he has to do a fifth year. We discussed boundaries, rules, communication, etc. About a week into the new school quarter, he told me that he was developing a sexual relationship with some kinkster girl in the same major.
I feel weird and guilty because we discussed it at length, but now that's it's actually happening I feel jealous. I'm jealous about the emotional aspect mostly because in the back of my mind, I was under the assumption that he was just looking for sex outward of the relationship because the way he brought it up was that he would be lonely without me. He only told me now that he was good friends with this girl and getting really involved in the kinkster community while I generally don't feel comfortable discussing those things at all. They're taking it slow and he is being transparent about the proceedings but at the same time I know this relationship isn't just about sex and I fear even though he keeps insisting I am his primary, I will lose him because I am focused on getting a job and saving for grad school.
I heard that feeling jealous even in an open relationship is normal, but does anyone have any advice/experiences as to how to surmount this? Do you just ride the wave and get used to it over time?
Boyfriend of 4 years and I decided to go for an open relationship due to long distance and the relationship being serious enough to stay together even though we will be physically separated for a long while. I graduated from university early and on the job hunt while he recently found out that he has to do a fifth year. We discussed boundaries, rules, communication, etc. About a week into the new school quarter, he told me that he was developing a sexual relationship with some kinkster girl in the same major.
I feel weird and guilty because we discussed it at length, but now that's it's actually happening I feel jealous. I'm jealous about the emotional aspect mostly because in the back of my mind, I was under the assumption that he was just looking for sex outward of the relationship because the way he brought it up was that he would be lonely without me. He only told me now that he was good friends with this girl and getting really involved in the kinkster community while I generally don't feel comfortable discussing those things at all. They're taking it slow and he is being transparent about the proceedings but at the same time I know this relationship isn't just about sex and I fear even though he keeps insisting I am his primary, I will lose him because I am focused on getting a job and saving for grad school.
I heard that feeling jealous even in an open relationship is normal, but does anyone have any advice/experiences as to how to surmount this? Do you just ride the wave and get used to it over time?
That feeling of jealousy will never go. I can guarantee that. No matter how many heart-to-hearts you have over Skype or whatever. Rest is up to you. Depends on your perspective if you can stay with a polyamorous guy without feeling deprived/devastated.
Age of Kings
Imo, that's messed up. Idk how such a relationship will ever be healthy when you have a guy telling you you're the one for him and yet he's banging another girl. To be honest, I would never be okay with a relationship like this. I don't see how you can get around this, the jealousy will most likely always be there. I also don't think it's worth the misery.
Imo, that's messed up. Idk how such a relationship will ever be healthy when you have a guy telling you you're the one for him and yet he's banging another girl. To be honest, I would never be okay with a relationship like this. I don't see how you can get around this, the jealousy will most likely always be there. I also don't think it's worth the misery.
I don't think you understand the situation, hence why I specifically asked for people with experience with polyamorous and open relationships.
EDIT;; The step to becoming an open relationship was mutually consensual with no shady activities going on and given our situation it was logical if we were to continue. However, it's an issue of emotional, not sexual, jealousy and a bit of cold feet as Soul Fly pointed out to me. I feel that your strong bias against open relationships, which are not full-stop "messed up" as you describe, is why I feel you don't understand the situation.
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When you "mutually" decided to go into polyamory, did you do it because you both wanted to engage in polyamory or because you thought it was in the other party's best interests to be able to be polyamorous while you're apart? You mention that he's got another girl, but you do not mention whether you've had anyone else in the same way as him, which to me suggests you agreed to polyamory for his sake rather than your own.
While I know a few polyamorous people, I'm not aware of any of them ever entering into a relationship where they were practising poly and their partner(s) were not. My first thought in your case was that you both agreed to be an open relationship, but you personally were concerned more about his wellbeing than your own. If you're not into polyamory yourself, you're never going to be totally comfortable with your partner practicing it, because despite your best intentions you subconsciously see yourself as a couple rather than an open pairing.
If the idea of your partner being polyamorous makes you uncomfortable, then you need to bring it up with him. Say that you thought you were comfortable with it, but since learning that he's seeing someone else you've realised that you're not okay with it. Then you need to assess whether you want to stay exclusive long distance, or split up either temporarily or permanently, or continue being open.
Lol, you should know better than to expect people to read past the words open relationship and not feel the need to respond about how totally gross and awful they are, regardless of how much experience they have with it.
Also MrIndigo basically said everything I was going to. I'd argue the biggest breaker of open relationships is the jealousy factor, combined with a lack of communication on each others wants/needs. I also want to double check, when you say that you guys are in an open relationship, do you mean a poly type situation where you're free to fall for/form emotional relationships with other people, or was it more along the traditional sort of swingers/additional sexual relationships thing and you're just afraid he's going to fall for this other woman? I assumed the latter, but some of your wording (particularly the part where your boyfriend said you were his primary) made me think otherwise. The dynamics are completely different, IMO. I'm in the latter sort of open relationship and I don't think I'd be qualified to give any sort of advice to someone in the former, they're pretty different beasts in terms of how your relationships work and the sort of issues you'll encounter... though I suppose jealousy is the same old shit no matter what kind of relationship you're in.
Also MrIndigo basically said everything I was going to. I'd argue the biggest breaker of open relationships is the jealousy factor, combined with a lack of communication on each others wants/needs. I also want to double check, when you say that you guys are in an open relationship, do you mean a poly type situation where you're free to fall for/form emotional relationships with other people, or was it more along the traditional sort of swingers/additional sexual relationships thing and you're just afraid he's going to fall for this other woman? I assumed the latter, but some of your wording (particularly the part where your boyfriend said you were his primary) made me think otherwise. The dynamics are completely different, IMO. I'm in the latter sort of open relationship and I don't think I'd be qualified to give any sort of advice to someone in the former, they're pretty different beasts in terms of how your relationships work and the sort of issues you'll encounter... though I suppose jealousy is the same old shit no matter what kind of relationship you're in.
Thanks for the post. I would like to clarify some things that were not made clear from my post. I feel it was 75% something I wanted, 25% for him. I have always had the desire to see men nonexclusively for sexual matters. However, the big difference is that I'm not actively pursuing due to the job hunt while he is since he's still in school. This is one week into the new university school quarter (and week one of our physical separation if that wasn't made clear) and he's propositioned to someone he already knows so it was pretty quick. If given the chance, I would engage in polyamorous activity. I just am not actively looking and even if I did, I am very picky lol.
EDIT: I say 25% for him only because of the jealousy issue now and how it makes me feel. Before the other woman came into the picture (or rather I was told she was a good friend), I was 100% for it.
To be perfectly honest, I am not clear with the terminology so if you can point me to a good source that defines stuff, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm a little embarrassed to say I have no idea what the difference between poly and open is. This is new for both of us.
My expectation is exactly the latter: swingers/additional sexual relationships, and yes to be blunt I'm afraid he will fall for her. You perfectly put into words my expectations for this sort of thing and perhaps where some confusion might arise. I will definitely bring that up the next time I see him around.
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Definitely a good idea to discuss your issues/expectations with him. I don't think jealousy is a necessarily permanent/nothing you can do about it sort of deal, but it is something you'll need to deal with in some way to not poison your relationship. As for how to deal with it... I'm honestly not really sure, ha. Part of the reason an open relationship works so well for my boyfriend and I is because we're not really jealous people so it's not something we've had to deal with, so I'm afraid I can't really help you from practical experience. Anyway, I think this site does a decent job of explaining the basics of various types of non-monogamous relationships. Polyamory tends to mean emotional/sexual relationships with multiple people, swinging (I hate that word) tends to refer exclusively to emotional monogamy + sexual non-monogamy, open relationships can refer to either (though it tends to refer to swinging, in my exp). It's a pretty complex subject, this picture gave me a laugh about it despite not having a fucking clue what some of this shit means (unicorn polyamory?).
Edit: K found out.
The faq has a question on the topic of jealousy that might help you.
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Plenty of people have open sexual relationships. You shouldn't generalize and tell someone else theirs won't work just because you can't agree with it.
However, the distance is probably the largest issue. Am I correct in assuming if you were both living in the same town, the relationship would no longer be open? I'm not sure that's the healthiest way to go about an open relationship. Of course, that's based on my own personal need for physical contact and intimacy in a relationship; I've never been good with distances myself.
However, the distance is probably the largest issue. Am I correct in assuming if you were both living in the same town, the relationship would no longer be open? I'm not sure that's the healthiest way to go about an open relationship. Of course, that's based on my own personal need for physical contact and intimacy in a relationship; I've never been good with distances myself.