I'm actually skyping with my "female" partner right now, son, and we're laughing at your posts. Enjoy calling other people "shitty trolls" when they point out your flimsy insecurity-fuelled arguments and you spreading your self-avowed, self-aggrandizing "golden rules" of Smogon. "Working out my right hand"? Is that supposed to be some oblique reference to masturbation? How juvenile. Please stop quoting my posts now, both you and your buddies from whatever IRC you saw it fit to call backup from. It's annoying, and quite pathetic on your part. For somebody who's supposedly so mature and knows the enlightened truths of human relationships you sure aren't self-aware enough to know when you're being relevant and when you're being an obnoxious prick.
Stop it, you big meanie!
yo mikedecishere and all the other goons posting on the last two pages of this thread, unfortunately (not really that was sarcastic, i feel i should point this out given your limited understanding of reality, or anything really) you don't get to decide which relationships are legitimate and which ones aren't because people tend to have different conceptions of what relationships should be and the kinds of relationships that are meaningful for them. i could call you out for being a heteronormative (since you probably dont understand that preferencing physical and sexual contact in a relationship is offensive and heteronormative i'll spell out that asexuals and other people who don't value those sexual or physical expressions exist. also, valuing relationships by this metric is heteronormative and offensive if only because it preferences male conceptions of female worth and a hegemonic, masculine framing of love) idiot who misunderstands the function of relationships and the function of human interaction and essentialises those things to expressions that haven't existed for at least 50 years given the changing context of those relationships (ie the existence of technology), but given that you clearly gain some meaning from that i would be wrong to do so. if people gain meaning from long-distance of erelationships then who the fuck are you to tell them that those relationships are less valuable or less meaningful, especially if they have really strong experiences of that meaning. it is patronising and paternalistic and they would be justified in telling you to fuck off, as cumquat has :)
but again, you're still privileging what you value in that relationship and asserting it as something that is "missing" from erelationships. just because you value things like how someone (not necessarily a female) eats or walks or has cute quirks doesn't mean that those things are essential or even important in a relationship. if you want to preference those particular (some would argue shallow) traits, good on you. noone has any right to tell you otherwise. just like you have no right to tell others that certain traits are important or that they can't gain a sufficient understanding of a person over the computer. there is literally no difference between talking to someone over the telephone and typing to them online, the degree of removal is exactly the same and i would say the level of intimacy is more than sufficient for individuals who like that. you are just preferencing your personal understanding of relationships over the experiences of others and you need to at least be cognizant of that. you can definitely understand someone totally over the computer, i would say that my relationship with jumpluff would be an example of this. people can make these decision for themselves and it is reasonably offensive that you think that you can assert otherwise. we're ok if you agree with all that :)))
What I didn't realize was I was isolating myself from the people in real life
Internet relationships are all I've ever had, soooo I thought I'd weigh in because w/e. I've been in a literal long distance Internet relationship where person couldn't contact really for two year, I had my first kiss, sex etc through seperate Internet relationships. Without it id really have had none of that by now since nobody has really been openly interested in me irl so like they can work, and despite that I've been in five including right now I'm still a believer in love and things working out so yea. Anyway I'm not ashamed and even tho it's online you really can get to know someone that way. Over like the last five years from my experiences but from what I know it's easier when you've been friends for a while so. Either way good luck cumquat with finding your love online (as in getting to that stage) because I believe that it can work and if it doesn't it's one more experience you have c:
Actually idk if that made sense but hopefully owells i am a pro online dater person anyways
Understandable, but I believe you're missing my point.
I have nothing against long distance relationships, nor do I value sex as the high point of a relationship (in fact, my last two relationships have been sexless, and I held nothing against either girl for it). My point was that it is physically impossible for a person to completely understand someone more over a computer than in person. That is the reason that I personally don't believe in e-dating. If someone feels like they can and it works out, then good for them, but I highly doubt that someone who is e-dating can tell me things like "how does she eat?", "how does she walk?", "does she do any cute quirks in certain situations?", etc (obviously superficial examples, but they still help you understand someone as a whole).
If they want to have that relationship, then kudos, I wouldn't stop it. I have friends who have done e-dating, and they are happy. Just not for me.
Edit: Just for clarification, my trolling of their specific "relationship" was self defense trolling.
Edit2: Also, did you really think that I didn't know that people who identify themselves as Asexual exist? Cmon Crux, give me some credit.
Most guys that spend time on the Internet go through what you're going through right now. The white knighting, liking e-girls, all that fun stuff. I'm guessing you're what, mid teens? A few years ago when I was a dbl niner I thought I had a relationship with somone on the Internet too. What I didn't realize was I was isolating myself from the people in real life, and alienating people IRL and on the Internet. What I also didn't know was that while I was confident online, I had zero social skills IRL. Your friends won't give you a reality check, because they're, as you said, your friends. You say you want to live in the present, not some indefinite time in the future. The "future" I'm talking about is in a few months, maybe a year, when you realize, "that was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life." I finally figured it out a while after the relationhip ended, and its still somethin I wish I could just erase. But because I let go of it I was able to salvage what was left of my social life and turn my life around. Of course, I still go online a generous amount (going back to PO and meeting a bunch of people on Smogon definitely doesn't help haha) but now I'm a lot happier with my IRL life than I was before, with a larger friend group, more confidence and much better social skills. I'm a TDot kid, and I like Drake. But trust me this once when I say don't bring a yolo attitude to this. You'll thank yourself for it in the future.
TLDR I jus poured my heart out no judge pls
Your friends won't give you a reality check, because they're, as you said, your friends.
Definitely put them in touch with any of your locality's 24 hour anonymous suicide helplines. If you suspect there's any possibility of them taking their life, call the police immediately.I'm not really sure where to post this to be honest, but this seems like the probably best place to post this. If there is a better place, let me know and I'll move there.
Okay, I've spent most of tonight talking someone out of suicide. I think. I'm unfortunately talking to them via the internet, and have no way to just go to there house like I want to, so I can't prove anything, but I think they areokayalive, unharmed, apparently not, making this all the more pertinent. And, I can't prove they have tried anything definitively, so I can't just call the police or something like that. That's be nice. At the very least, I am going to keep them talkign until someone else wakes up at their house. (Quick note: this person is not yet 18, and is living at home, attending high school. I am 18, attending the same high school)
Okay, all that aside, obviously, this person needs help. I know that full well, and also that I am not the person to provide that help. I mean, I can be there for them, but I'm not professional, and that is what is needed here. My problem is this: There is no one I can talk to at school about this, because our "counselors", one is incompetent, and won't do anything, (past experience in several other situations tells me this), and the other I don't know, but my gut feeling is she won't do anything either. And I already know the other people of import at school with refer things to the counselors, so that route isn't going to help me any. This person is seeing a therapist of some sort, who I guess I could try and contact, but he is probably going to go to parents, which is bad, as well.
Now, this person has been suicidal in the past, after some rather traumatizing events. When their parents found out this person was suicidal, they sent them, somewhere, some kind of mental health facility. While there, this person was raped, quite brutally. When they tell me about this place, they act, essentially like a scared five year old. Pleading not to go back, general terror, etc. It's bad. Really bad. To the point, this person told me, point blank that they would rather die than go back to that place, or someplace like that. Given the mental association, I guess I don't blame them, given that they didn't get the appropriate help in dealing with that incident.
I'm not comfortable with going to this person's parents about this issue because, well, the above paragraph. I want to get this person help, not increase their chances of killing themselves if they find out they are being sent back. In an ideal world I would prefer not to destroy my relationship with this person, as well, but given the situation, I've accepted that as likely impossible.
So I guess I'm stuck. What do I do, when my school isn't going to do piss, and the other two routes I see lead to parents, which, I can only assume, based on previous evidence, is an even more destructive route than the current one? What other routes are open to me, or any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate. I'm completely lost as to what to do here.
I'm not really sure where to post this to be honest, but this seems like the probably best place to post this. If there is a better place, let me know and I'll move there.
Okay, I've spent most of tonight talking someone out of suicide. I think. I'm unfortunately talking to them via the internet, and have no way to just go to there house like I want to, so I can't prove anything, but I think they areokayalive, unharmed, apparently not, making this all the more pertinent. And, I can't prove they have tried anything definitively, so I can't just call the police or something like that. That's be nice. At the very least, I am going to keep them talkign until someone else wakes up at their house. (Quick note: this person is not yet 18, and is living at home, attending high school. I am 18, attending the same high school)
Okay, all that aside, obviously, this person needs help. I know that full well, and also that I am not the person to provide that help. I mean, I can be there for them, but I'm not professional, and that is what is needed here. My problem is this: There is no one I can talk to at school about this, because our "counselors", one is incompetent, and won't do anything, (past experience in several other situations tells me this), and the other I don't know, but my gut feeling is she won't do anything either. And I already know the other people of import at school with refer things to the counselors, so that route isn't going to help me any. This person is seeing a therapist of some sort, who I guess I could try and contact, but he is probably going to go to parents, which is bad, as well.
Now, this person has been suicidal in the past, after some rather traumatizing events. When their parents found out this person was suicidal, they sent them, somewhere, some kind of mental health facility. While there, this person was raped, quite brutally. When they tell me about this place, they act, essentially like a scared five year old. Pleading not to go back, general terror, etc. It's bad. Really bad. To the point, this person told me, point blank that they would rather die than go back to that place, or someplace like that. Given the mental association, I guess I don't blame them, given that they didn't get the appropriate help in dealing with that incident.
I'm not comfortable with going to this person's parents about this issue because, well, the above paragraph. I want to get this person help, not increase their chances of killing themselves if they find out they are being sent back. In an ideal world I would prefer not to destroy my relationship with this person, as well, but given the situation, I've accepted that as likely impossible.
So I guess I'm stuck. What do I do, when my school isn't going to do piss, and the other two routes I see lead to parents, which, I can only assume, based on previous evidence, is an even more destructive route than the current one? What other routes are open to me, or any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate. I'm completely lost as to what to do here.
Just because the whole e-relationship thing didn't work out for you, it doesn't mean that it won't work out for other people. Cumquat might be in a different state of mind and in a different circumstance to what you might've been a few years ago. I know you must regret the way that you were a few years ago, I absolutely hate the person I was a few years ago as well, but it's unfair to assume that what didn't work for you and what you regret about yourself will also be what other people regret doing right now.Most guys that spend time on the Internet go through what you're going through right now. The white knighting, liking e-girls, all that fun stuff. I'm guessing you're what, mid teens? A few years ago when I was a dbl niner I thought I had a relationship with somone on the Internet too. What I didn't realize was I was isolating myself from the people in real life, and alienating people IRL and on the Internet. What I also didn't know was that while I was confident online, I had zero social skills IRL. Your friends won't give you a reality check, because they're, as you said, your friends. You say you want to live in the present, not some indefinite time in the future. The "future" I'm talking about is in a few months, maybe a year, when you realize, "that was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life." I finally figured it out a while after the relationhip ended, and its still somethin I wish I could just erase. But because I let go of it I was able to salvage what was left of my social life and turn my life around. Of course, I still go online a generous amount (going back to PO and meeting a bunch of people on Smogon definitely doesn't help haha) but now I'm a lot happier with my IRL life than I was before, with a larger friend group, more confidence and much better social skills. I'm a TDot kid, and I like Drake. But trust me this once when I say don't bring a yolo attitude to this. You'll thank yourself for it in the future.
TLDR I jus poured my heart out no judge pls