Advice on how to avoid those awkward silences?

Bologo

Bologo

Have fun with birds and bees.
is a Contributor Alumnus
Yeah, so basically, I have a problem with having annoying silences a lot in my conversations (esp. phone ones since I'm not a phone person). That is, I just can't seem to hold a conversation for very long.

I'm not sure why this is, but I really need to fix this problem because it's really annoying. Sometimes I'm just not sure what to say so I just say it's time for me to go. Honestly, I just don't know what to do about that, I just run out of things to talk about pretty fast, and I run out of questions to ask.

Yeah, and even starting conversations can be pretty hard for me since I have some kind of fear of getting in the way. But keeping a conversation going is the main issue.

Help me out here, does anyone have any advice on stopping those awkward silences, and also keeping up a conversation for more than 1 minute?

Thanks.
 
Don't think about it? If you're such a nervous wreck about filling up silence, everything you will say will come out stupid and people will look at you funny and it will lead to more awkward silence, etc.

Silence is natural. Just observe what's around you.
 
for some, conversation is easy and natural, for others, it has to be a cultivated skill.

The most important characteristic that you need to develop in yourself to improve conversational skills is your listening ability. Listen carefully to what other people say and learn to ask for more details. Make comparisons and analogies with experiences you've had and try to relate. If that fails and silence ensues, don't worry about trying to fill it artificially- it is okay to not say anything.
 
If you really want to break the silence, say "So, how bout them Yankees/local sports team?" If you actually say "local sports team", you have the added bonus of letting the other person know that the silence is making you uncomfortable.
 
Hipmonlee said:
So.... Read any good books lately?

How about this weather eh?

Have a nice day.
Click to expand...

I know you say "have a nice day" after every post hipmonlee, but in this context it came out wrong:/

Talk about something that you feel is exciting, for example your work if that's something you're interested in. When people are talking entusiastically to someone about ALMOST everything it'll be interesting for the listner to hear about is my experience. But don't try to talk about yestersdays soccermatch to a totally uninterested person. Rather you should talk to them about WHY soccer is so fun.

EDIT: Sorry WER, didn't mean anything 'bout picking a sport as example:)
 
I wouldn't really know what to suggest, but I can totally relate. Basically when I'm in a tense social situation where I'm unfamiliar with people my mind totally shuts down and I get really nervous for some fucked up reason. What's terrible is that when I actually want to say something I'm thinking faster than I'm talking and my words can't even synch up with my thoughts. And then I start doing weird things like just purposely not staring at the other person or just fidgiting or something gay.

This does not, however, happen when I'm talking to friends whom I'm familiar with, oddly.

But there is actually professional help you can get with that kind of stuff, whether or not you would need to would probably depend on any other social problems you might have. And really, it comes down to whether or not this is really a big deal for you, in my case, it is not.
 
If you want to avoid annoying silences, change the subject of the conversation.

I had this problem in the past, too. It changed, though, as I now have the reverse problem - I can't stop talking in a conversation!

I remember the first date I had with my now fiancee. We spent around two hours talking and talking, and 75% of the talking was done by me. I was really surprised with myself that day, as I never was much of a talker. I knew immediately she was my girl-to-be. :)

I think becoming a teacher improved my confidence in front of people, on second thoughts.
 
Conversation is SUPER easy for me. My best friend is the king of awkward silence...it gets so awkward with him that on more than one occasion, people flat out say to him "I don't know what to say to you" JUST to make conversation.

Be glad you aren't like him.
 
Awkward silence, as with literally all awkwardness, is only 'awkward' if you make it so.

That's probably not as applied as you were looking for, but think about it.
 
It's only awkward if it's on the phone. Silence between people face to face is, like chaos said, completely natural.

When I see silence coming (and the ability to see it coming is the first step to overcoming it), I begin to formulate questions in my head to ask the person. Even if it means I stop listening to the end of their current sentence. Just have something to keep it going if that particular strain of conversation can't progress any further.
 
'you know every time there's an awkward silence another gay baby is born'

If you say that there will still be an awkward silence but then it's funny!
 
Lutalo said:
It's only awkward if it's on the phone. Silence between people face to face is, like chaos said, completely natural.

When I see silence coming (and the ability to see it coming is the first step to overcoming it), I begin to formulate questions in my head to ask the person. Even if it means I stop listening to the end of their current sentence. Just have something to keep it going if that particular strain of conversation can't progress any further.
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I think DM just hit it on the head. Plus when your with one person if your comfortable enough with the person silence is never awkward its just silence. But, to get past the silence either tell some crazy story from the other night or just ask them a question, either should get you out of the jam. Just don't ask too many questions because you don't want the other person to feel like they are taking a survey. I've had people try talking to me and the first time i meet them they want to know my life story which is kind of weird.
 
i could swear i've said this before, but it might have been on a different forum or something.

there is a difference between silence and awkward silence. silences happen in conversations, it's just a fact. trying to fill the silences with vapid, meaningless shit does not help anyone. i mean i don't really care, i only care when people fill the silence by saying "awkward silence!" or something to that effect. awkward silences aren't just silences. and awkward silence is like "hey john, i saw jerry and julie making out at the mall the other day." "uhh... julie and i have been going out for like 3 months." the silence following this exchange is awkward.

yeah, just thought i'd get that out there.

ofc, there are sometimes you don't want silence. when i'm chilling with the homies or whatever, like yeah silences will happen, and it's chill, but when you're chatting up a girl you just met, silence is bad. generally, anyway. i don't really predict upcoming silences, i just have a lot of shit to talk about.
 
The first step is getting over the feeling that things are silent because you're a bad conversationalist, or you and the person are not compatible as friends or whatever.
being "good at conversation" is something that comes from being comfortable with a person. If you feel like things are uncomfortable when you dont know how to fill the air with words, you're going to feel awkward and maybe pressure yourself to say something, and it's gonna turn out dumb, or sound awkward.
basically in the same theme as the people above your first step is getting comfortable with silence. once you stop stressing about every time neither of you need to say anything, things will probably start going alot smoother.

as far as keeping conversation going, i talk about myself alot :s
 
Heh, well I guess I should reply now. Yeah, I understand what everyone's saying here, thanks a lot for the advice. DM was pretty accurate when he mentioned phone conversations, because those are the ones I'm really bad at, and therefore make the most awkward ones because it's just weird when it's completely silent, but you're just talking into a phone. I'm alright at actual conversations if I'm not in a hurry or anything, just that my actual conversations are incredibly short, mostly like a "Hi how are you" then I'm done. I'm comfortable talking to all my friends, I'm probably just a bad conversationalist.

Listening skills do sound pretty damn important. Heh, I think the problem is that I do too much listening and not nearly enough talking. Guess there has to be a balance.

Heh, thanks a lot you guys.
 
The most important thing is make the silence as awkward as possible, then stretch it. Anyone can break a silence, but keeping one going in a conversation of more than four people is a real skill.

If you're desperate, you can always just say "So, this is awkward." Works a treat.
 
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