Social LGBTQIA+

[Chloe]

This feels incredibly invasive and unnecessary at some points, but I'm going to answer most of these because I'm assuming the post is in good faith.

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1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?

The pronouns I use now (she/her). I wouldn't want to be referred to by he/him regardless of whether the person was referring to me in the past or now.

2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?

Generally something in between, I usually tell them I'm here to answer any questions they may have and hope they can figure themselves out. Sometimes I've been asked to refer to them with new pronouns from that moment so they can see how it feels. I just treat them how they want to be treated, that's all there really is to it.

3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?

I think it would be impossible to figure out if you are trans without any concept of gender or male and female to begin with.

5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?

It can mean different things to different people. I've heard multiple people say that they'd be perfectly fine as a male but would rather be female instead, only to acquire dysphoria from being male later on, not that it's necessarily a requirement to be trans. You don't need to medically transition to be trans, nor does the clothing you wear have really any say on which gender you are. They would still be considered trans, if that is how they intend to identify, yes.

6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?

Indifferent really. That's generally a progressive take and I personally have no issue in them generalising the whole of LGBT in that context.

7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?

I'd of course appreciate much more proactive support but wouldn't expect it. Our friendship dynamic remaining the same and you being supportive is all I really expect.

8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?

I'm not very educated on this subject and would prefer to refrain from answering.

9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?

I don't personally like it, but that being said I wouldn't usually go out of my way to stop someone, nor would I ever complain.

10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?

I don't care, it's their prerogative, but I would never personally use that word.

11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?

There are plenty of talented trans actors and I see no reason for us to have to cast cis actors to play those roles.

12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?

I believe that you need to be a leftist to be an ally of trans people.

Questions regarding transitioning

13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?

I'd think it's pretty inappropriate for anyone at all to ask about that, but I'd disclose that information to very close friends? This is a weird question, I don't really see the point for it existing.

Miscellaneous

18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?

I feel like most of the issues with how trans people are represented in media could be resolved if trans people were actually playing roles and had an adequate say over the directoral process.

19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?

Chasers are disgusting. No and no.

21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?

Stand up for trans people, support leftist policies, call out transphobic behaviours even when it's "inconvenient".

 

[Adeleine]

yo ill take pick on these

list of questions

General questions

1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
prob now-pronouns, but i dont think about it too much

2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
order of operations. 1) treat as trans as long as theyre ok with, if nothing else it'll let them know how it feels 2) "how long have you thought about it" 3) "think about it some more, lmk how you're feeling, im with you"

3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
your identity can be "something that isnt this body im born in", which can recalibrate to opposite gender once you learn about that opposite gender, or not and it could calibrate to NB

4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
i don't have a specific desire to see sex, gender, or any other line of cleavage (race, ethnicity, etc.) eliminated. i see some sort of cleavages as inherent to human society (yes im a dirty political science-type)

5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
0.000001 more "id rather be opposite" than "id rather be same". (see chloe's answer) i was in similar "content" boat for first few years of being trans

6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?
in a vacuum i wouldnt care or (really notice honestly)

7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
if i want proactive support i'll ask for it

8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
i should probably sit down and form an opinion about this but haven't gotten around to it

9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
if it's gender neutral way, go right ahead

10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
i don't love it personally but more power to them, their empowerment more important than my mild dislike lol

11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
not ideal. for what other group would you have non-X playing X

12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
heh, funny q and i'll answer it in a funny way. i didn't feel invaded by these qs, but i tend to be weird about personal info stuff (as you'll see in the next question!) so who knows

Questions regarding transitioning

13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
totally depends how im feeling at the time. could range from strangers to "i just will not tell you period"

14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
romance preference not inherently -ist, but like, you should probably evaluate yourself with some strength if you straight up refuse to engage a broad group

15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view.
im ace lol. id want my partner to be comfortable around me for both our sakes / obvious reasons, but im not into the sex contact thing anyway.

16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough?
if i like them enough and theyre ok with not being sexually attracted to me, like... im not sexually attracted to them either, so... sure?

Miscellaneous

17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?
N/A

18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
im not really knowledgable about representation

19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?
im fine dating anyone who treats and regards me as a partner and not an object of x. (i'm not very familiar with the idea of chasers) again no sleeping tho

20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
look for someone female by default though an exception could be made in the right circumstance (what collette said)

21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
dunno honestly lol

 

[p0ip0le]

its Big Man's Time

questions

1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?

the ones i use now, no question. i've never *not* been a man, i was either in denial or flat out didn't know yet

2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?

use the pronouns and name they want unless they tell you to stop.
if you start doubting them and being like "are you *really* trans?" then you're just being a dick. regardless if they're end up trans or not, you're effectively telling them "your choices matter less than my opinion on it", and even if they end up cis it has 0 bearing on you as a Verified Trans. experimenting with names/pronouns is perfectly fine, and it's way better imo to be accepting and help someone even if they're cis than be an ass and they're actually trans

3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?

bottom/top dysphoria is a Thing and i vibe w/ the explanation of "it can just be a feeling of 'something is there that isn't supposed to be there' or vice versa"

(skip q4, q5, q6)

7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?

varies from person to person but id much rather be treated the same as a cis man than be a Special Token Transgender for cis ppl to conveniently latch onto

8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?

sports should be separated by weight or someshit bc gender is fucked

(skip q9)

10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like [t slur]?

i reclaim it for myself and myself only. i don't care if other people use it for themselves but if someone calls me the t slur they're getting decked

11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?

a cis man playing a trans man is WAY better than a cis woman playing a trans man (hi scarlett johansson) or the reverse but trans actors exist and have always existed.

12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?

the billion lions beat the 1 of every pokemon

Questions regarding transitioning

13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?

in general unless you're a Very Close Friend who is 100% asking out of good faith, i do not want to be asked about bottom surgery at all. partially because i dont want to think about that shit at ALL but also partially because i am 16 years old

14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?

same opinion on this as finland

skip q15 and q16

Miscellaneous

17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?

erasure and invisibility has never been a good thing. most, if not all trans people have probably had an encounter with some weird chaser regardless of gender, and i can guarantee that transphobia towards trans men has always been a thing even though it isn't nearly as visible. especially with the shitty terfs! i've seen far too many trans men called "lesbians in denial", and how convenient is it for them that "all [AFABs] should have agency until they do something i dont like"?

while real life spaces have, in my experience, tended to be more transmasc-heavy (which can maybe be chalked up to how I Am A High Schooler and it's ""more socially acceptable"" for AFABs to experiment with gender/sexuality) but in online spaces we tend to be drowned out. how many trans men on smogon can you name, other than me? real life spaces will always be limited by "how many people here are transitioning? how many people know what they're talking about?" etc. while in theory online spaces will be more broad, it takes a hell of a lot of effort to find any resources about bottom growth/surgery in particular. top surgery is more common to hear about because it's more "affordable" generally (even though bottom growth is a "side effect" of being on T lol) and way more "comfortable" to talk about (something something body discussion is taboo even within spaces geared for trans men and/or AFAB nonbinary ppl), but everything is so US-centric (or if not US, typically the UK then other parts of west europe. this can also be explained by a language barrier though)

tldr transphobia specifically towards trans men is a thing that exists, it's hard to find any meaningful information in real life because of Sample Size or online because of invisibility and taboos, being US/west europe-centric is kinda cringe

18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?

gonna shift this one a little bit.
how many famous trans men can you name? excluding youtubers i can only really name one, that being Elliot Page
how many fictional trans men can you name? i couldn't even name one before i looked at the wikipedia page.

19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?

absolutely the hell not.

20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?

im bi so as long as someone isn't transphobic i'd vibe w them

21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?

amplify trans voices instead of speaking for them. obviously there are scenarios where there *aren't* any trans voices you can amplify, but it's better to, say, ask trans people about their thoughts on X topic than try to interpret something and give your perspective as a cis person

sometimes you just gotta write a single sentence for 90% of the questions then pop off for the One (1) question that probably no one else will speak on

 

[Plague von Karma]

May as well...

list of answers!

General questions

1. When referring to you prior to you figuring out you are trans, would you prefer they use the pronouns you use now or the ones you used then?
The ones I use now, though my living situation often means I have to boymode around a lot of people.

2. A friend of yours says that they might be trans. Do you: question them as to whether they are sure/ what they are feeling about it all or just start treating them as trans unless they tell you that they were wrong and aren't actually trans. Something in between?
Something in-between. I wouldn't question their existence, per se, but I would help them through, share experiences being trans, anything to help them understand themselves better. Of course, I'm not infallible...it's delicate and complicated.

3. A person grows up in the wild without ever interacting with another person. Can they be trans? If yes, how do you figure out whether you are trans without knowing the concept of man and woman?
The concept of man and woman is innate, you're born with that. There's dozens of psychology papers on this, as well as a history of feral humans sexually harassing researchers. They can absolutely be trans as well.

4. In your ideal society, does the concept of sex and gender not exist anymore and people just function as humans or do the concept of men/women/etc still exist as they do today, but people are 100% accepting and trans issues have been fixed. Neither?
The latter, I think erasing sex and gender would be problematic.

5. How much does someone need to want to be the opposite sex to be transgender? For example if a man says itd be nice to be a woman and live life as a woman but is perfectly content as a man are they trans? What if someone born male says that theyd like to be referred to as a woman but they aren't interested in estrogen, sex changes, or presenting as female. Would they still be considered trans? Do you need dysphoria to be trans?
I don't believe there should be any real "bar" to becoming trans...you just feel it. When you start setting standards in this case, you end up with this (very well-documented) slippery slope of gatekeeping and existence-questioning. There's stuff like gender-fluidity to consider as well in this case.

6. You mentioned an article about trans issues to a friend, they say something to the effect of "yeah the persecution of lgbtq+ people these days is really evil" you've noticed they have a habit of mentioning the entire lgbtq+ whenever trans specific problems are brought up. Do you find it frustrating, are you indifferent, or do you find it empowering?

7. As a friend, if you tell me that you're trans, would you expect me to: keep our friendship dynamic as is but be supportive if you come to me for it or be much more proactive in my support for you?
I've been burned enough in the past to the point that I would expect nothing, but appreciate any support.

8. What are your thoughts about trans people and sports?
There is an enormous amount of misinformation on how transitioning to the opposite gender works, rooted in jealousy. TL;DR is that they are perfectly ok competing in their "new" sex's brackets.

9. If you are a mtf trans person, how do you feel about someone using (guy, buddy, dude, bro, etc) to refer to you? If you don't like it, does that change if they've been using it in a gender neutral way their whole lives?
Gonna be real, I hate all of those, except "buddy" I guess. Just call me "sis" or any of the very long list of gender-neutral terms. I've dealt with these kinds of people before - even friends - and they get so irrationally defensive when all I've said is "hey I'm uncomfortable with this can you call me something else.".

10. How do you feel about other trans people using words like tr*nny?
Power to them. I'm not fond of it, but that could change.

11. Thoughts on non-trans people playing trans characters in media?
I hold the belief that the actor should be as reflective of the character they're depicting as possible. So trans actors should play trans characters, African Americans should play African American characters, so on, so forth. This would bring the script out in its purest form, no?

12. What is something that you'd disagree with most trans people about?
Not sure. A lot of opinions trans people have are based on their living situations and political climate, so it's hard to "disagree". I suppose my openness would be the most contentious thing...but I'm not really disagreeing there, am I?

Questions regarding transitioning

13. How close do we have to be for you to be comfortable answering whether you'll have a sex change? Strangers? Acquaintances? Friends?
Anyone!

14. Do you think it's transphobic if someone straight refuses to date a post-op trans person? What about a pre-op trans person? Why?
Denying someone solely on the circumstances in which they got their genitals isn't just transphobic, it's brain rot-tier stupidity. People bring up the fertility argument, but like, there are so many alternatives. Fuck, I think I remember something about uterus implants being researched for MtF?

People often harp on about dating people based on their personality; if someone truly loves a person, it would transcend their physical being, yes? So their genitals are irrelevant.

TL;DR get better reasons, or you probably don't love that person.

15. If you plan on transitioning, would you date someone if they are only attracted to your post transition genitals as long as you liked them enough? Basically meaning that they wouldn't have sexual contact with you until after you transitioned, at least no sexual contact where your genitals are in view.
Tbh I have a crippling fear of sex due to stuff I went through over the course of my life, so I don't really have an answer here.

16. What about dating someone who heavily prefers/exclusively likes the genitals that you were born with? Would you date someone like that if you liked them enough?
Prolly not, feels grabby.

Miscellaneous

17. (for ftm trans people) Mtf trans people get a lot more attention in mainstream media and social media. Do you view this as a good thing since you don't have to deal with as many creeps/transphobes or as a bad thing since you get less representation in mainstream media and less of a spotlight on ftm exclusive issues?

18. What's one issue you have with how trans people are represented in movies/tv shows/etc?
They often miss a lot of beats due to being written by people who have never experienced trans issues. I don't think there's enough communication between writers and the trans community. There have been some golden moments, though!

...and don't get me started on the "joke" characters.

19. Thoughts on chasers? Would you date one? Sleep with one?
If they see me for who I am, rather than my physical body, then sure. But the definition of chaser is essentially "someone who fetishizes trans people and tries to sleep with them", so it's very very likely a hard pass.

20. What type of partners do you look for? Straight people of the same sex? Straight people of the opposite sex? Bisexuals? A mix?
Anyone!

21. What do you think is the most important thing that I can do as a trans ally?
Research, understand, interact. Each of these is very broad, with a lot of things to it, but anyone who does it is welcome!

 

[The Disco Devil]

Bisexual man here. I've had the luxury of the people I care about being ambivalent at worst about it, which is certainly nice. The only real discrimination I can say I've faced was from, in a cruel twist of irony, my gay/lesbian/bisexual acquaintances. Been told many a times that I'm not a "real" LGBTQ+ member because I don't have a pride flag on my Tumblr profile, put my preferred pronouns as my Discord tag, or generally announce my preferences unless asked. I understand that these individuals are the minority and not the norm, but it angers me to no end when I'm treated like an outcast for not conforming when the entire point of the community is to be accepting of others. It'd be grand if they knocked off with the No True Scotsman nonsense.

I apologize if this comes across as a rant, but words just can't describe how much it bothers me to have people trying to control how I carry myself. If anyone has any advice they could offer me to deal with those folks outlined in the first paragraph, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and as always, if anyone here needs advice/someone to share their troubles with, I'm open at The Disco Devil#5867. Can't promise much, but I'll gladly talk with anyone and everyone.

 

[Luchik]

Im NB and i dont fit in the alonorm, id rather be called by they/them (but its also kinda weird those words being plural)
glad to know there is a thread like this on smogon bc mostly of spanish speakers i know here are lgbtq+phobic AF and that made me quit this game i like a few times ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

 

[Clanger]

I'm bi it's pretty cool

 

[Shadow Sirens]

shoutout to pisx for just being super epic and for putting up with my rants about boys :3

 

[Paulluxx]

Hey guys, I just decided I'd make a post here talking about my experiences as a Bi Guy, and just sort've venting about being myself, and keeping with my interests while being pretty damn gay.

Full Vent Here

My name is Paul, I've always been pretty open about sharing my first name online because, if people wanted to Dox me, I'm one of many Pauls on the internet, I'm 19 years old and have known I liked Guys since I was about 6. I grew up in a Collegetown in Upstate New York, so everybody was really accepting of everybody, My parents didn't actually even get married(because Gay marriage wasn't legalized yet) Until my mom realized they needed the insurance benefits. The only person other than me at my parents wedding was actually my moms best friend who was gay. So I've had gay people around me my entire life. When I was 7 I moved to Northern Virginia because my dad got a job there and I grew up, found my lifelong Pokemon fandom and found all my interests in music, movies, TV. And lived a typical suburban life until about 4th grade. In 4th grade I had these friends who one of them I'm still friends with and the other I'm not, They were both kind've dudebros, played video games, liked sports to some extent typical kids, and then the edgy jokes became prevalent, using gay as an insult, that sort've thing. I then realized I was likely Bisexual(after watching Glee funnily enough, despite their bad showings of Bisexual characters) and I tried to stop that development of my friends. Fast forward a few years, to 7th grade. I was still friends with these 2 friends and as middle schoolers do when things come up in the news we discussed them, Gay marriage being nonexistent was declared unconstitutional, and about then I came out as Bisexual, its a bit early for most people but I was a weird kid. And then it came time to pick sides, the friends I had(the one I'm no longer friends with) said I was an abomination, and yeah that sucked, the dude I'm still friends with defended me, and we sort've excised the other from our friend group. In 8th grade I had my first boyfriend, actually he was introduced to me by the FISTFW(Friend I'm still friends with), This guy was a cool dude we agreed about a lot of things politics, science, thinking, and most importantly he was actually gay. We dated off and on for a few years until we realized it would probably be best if we stayed friends instead(and we're still friends). The next year in the first year of high school one of my best friends at the time transitioned and we accepted her as she(now they) is, but that excised more people from our friend group, and our DND group at one point had only one straight kid. Homophobia and Transphobia is ingrained in the institutions that we live in and we should address this. Throughout the years I've had a few Boyfriends one girlfriend, but overall lived my life as I do, I decided to pursue music and I found my boyfriend at this current time through music and we've gotten closer through quarantine. I enjoy seeing more gay characters in media, and I feel theres still a lot of progress to be made. But I thought I'd just ramble for a bit.

I really love hearing your stories, and if my story(not really a story more like an endless ramble) resonates with you. I'd love to talk with you about your experiences.

Much Love from Paul

 

[Eve]

Eve comes out as something for the 5 billionth time

This is written at 3am so sorry if it's bad, if anything doesn't make sense feel free to dm me for clarification and I'll answer after I sleep for a few years

I've been second guessing myself about my decision that I'm a binary trans girl for the past year on a regular basis. Having recently experimented with my presentation a bit more and engaged with media that encouraged self-reflection on the topic of identity, I've been thinking a lot about what I really want, how I'm most comfortable being, and how that's different from the person I wish I could be but simply am not (something I'm especially sure other people on the autistic spectrum can relate to). I'm finally pretty confident that I want to do whatever the hell gender is in my own way, even if I still have a significant bias towards femininity as a whole. I just don't feel like I quite belong on either end of the spectrum, and wouldn't want to try and force myself into one. it's not a label I'm going to request that everyone uses for me--feel free to just refer to/treat me as either a girl or non-binary, I'm okay with either (especially the former) and wouldn't say either is inaccurate--but I think that the term demigirl pretty neatly explains my feelings and represents a comfortable kind of in-between. ty a lot to my friends for listening to me ramble about this for countless hours over the months, you know who you are :D

tldr gender is a mess and should be abolished. I still prefer she/her but they/them is alright too! knowing me I'll have changed my mind on this again within the next few months though so look out for another update ig
hope you all have a good night/day!

 

[Adeleine]

coming out pog

I've formally considered myself team transbian for a while now, but, like... I can get attracted to guys too. This brings the obvious "...biromantic?", but I've never been comfortable with that label. Nothing against bi gang, y'all are fantastic, but thinking of myself as bi felt really not great. I think this discomfort comes from "biromantic" being the logical conclusion of thinking about my romantic identity in terms of gender, when gender is really not the core mechanic for me. The focal point of attraction has never been gender, or even "appearance" generally; it's always been preceded and centered on a sort of connection I am familiar with, one that makes "romantic love" more of a secondary possible modification of that state. I don't mean to oversimplify; gender and looks can play roles too, and not all instances of said connection lead to romantic love. But anyway... I guess demiromantic is a better word than anything else? Neat.

 

[jonas]

Everyone here is very kind and youall have given me the courage to speak about my experiences! Thank you for giving me the courage to.

I guess this is me coming out as bisexual/gay leaning on this site, although it doesn't really seem big to me since I've been out to my family and other anonymous social media (twitter) for 9 months or so.

Where I live it is a very straight, rich community. I want to let people know that I am bisexual, but im worried the lash out will cause negative impacts that I don't want to bear. Since Elementary School, everyone I know has used the term "gay" as an insult. Even when recently when I was hanging out with someone that i consider my very close friends, they called me gay because I played volleyball. I couldn't bring myself to call them out for it, because it would lead to further teasing on the matter and I didn't want them to know that I am lgbtq, because I'm worried they wouldn't accept me for who I am and I don't want to lose friends.

My post has been very all over the place until now, but this leads me to my question. How do i come out to people who in the past have not been so excepting of lgbtq people and others? Im so sick of living in communities where people aren't accepted for who they are.

Reading all the Support in this thread has been really uplifting, and has made me happy. Stay Awesome.


If you would like to talk privately (which is preferred for me) dm me/ friend request me on Discord, Jomatoes#6969

 

[brightobject]

vent

Recently spoke to some very close irl friends about wanting they/them pronouns. They seemed receptive but have continued to use he/him for me during calls, which just has me all kinds of hurt and confused. I've never been someone who presents queer / nb / etc, so I have less of a problem with people I don't know assuming I'm a cis man, but it really do be hitting different when it's your closest friends. I guess half of me is second-guessing myself- did I explain myself properly? Is it really that big of a deal? And the other half just feels disappointed in them for not even making an effort to remember.

A not-insignificant part of me is also afraid of being labelled "cis dude trying to be SpeCiaL." Feelings like these are par for the course even after a year, and I think they are important to hold onto in terms of examining my privilege (s) as someone who's lived as a cis man for most of their life and is still very much in those holding patterns. But this whole situation has really made the insecurity and shame over my gender swell to overwhelming levels and it's just a bit tough to handle on top of school and other obligations. I should definitely broach the subject again soon...but the amoutn of emotional stamina I know it is going to take to bring this up with all of them is pretty daunting. Ofc I welcome any advice or thoughts on my mindset regarding this whole sitch...but ultimately I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks for reading!

 

[Katy]

hey everyone,

i hope you are all doing alright and well, and i hope you stay safe in this time. i just want to show you all my support and hope that people accept you for who you are and that the people around you consider to call you by your wished pronouns. some don't even do that to hurt you, as some people don't even realize it yet and do it unintentionally, but i hope they learn that and im pretty sure they do. but other people, which do that with a harmful intention, i hope they once and for all realize that it can be hurtful to the people they call with the inproper pronounse.

i just hope each and everyone of you will find the acceptance and not only the acceptance, the respect you all deserve, and that everyone treats you with the same respect as you treat these people with. respect is a long process and i know not everyone deserves it, but there are for sure people which do care about you all and only wish you the very best! please never feel excluded, here - we all are - a great community, and everyone is included equally.

please everyone stay positive! positivity is a much needed, valuable point of view we need right now, as a lot of things keeping us concerned and worried, but with positivity and the rightful respect which we can give each other the world should be a better place.

just stay positive, and stay safe and healthy!

 

[Waves]

 

[Plague von Karma]

Base Set Venusaur said trans rights btw

 

[jonas]

Just leaving this here that Azurill says Trans Rights too

 

[p0ip0le]

Just leaving this here that Azurill says Trans Rights too (snip)

he transitioned! good for him!

 

[Isa]

I have literally no right to complain

just because other struggles exist that you can compare your current ones to doesnt make the ones that you experience less valid. you have every right to complain, your struggles are real and valid and it is okay to be exhausted by them.
keep fighting and stay strong.

 

[Plague von Karma]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1389430523743903745

 

[Chloe]

can we remove the serious tag before this thread if you're all gonna keep on posting shitty memes of marill being trans and squirtle being gay

 

[selfie]

if you only want serious posts or whatever you want to focus on, then you can do that by ignoring the posts you don't want to read, it's really that simple.

 

[Chloe]

Jakee it is quite dehumanising and insulting for me and others to have come out and discussed extremely personal issues about our lives on this thread only to be followed by very low effort posts saying "guys, marill is transgender XD", by forum moderators no less. but sure, go for the cheap gotcha. hope it makes you feel better bud.

 

[selfie]

Jakee it is quite dehumanising and insulting for me and others to have come out and discussed extremely personal issues about our lives on this thread only to be followed by very low effort posts saying "guys, marill is transgender XD", by forum moderators no less. but sure, go for the cheap gotcha. hope it makes you feel better bud.

If you can say the same things to others you should really be able to hear it yourself.

If you had an issue with the memes and truly believed they were as hurtful as you do - you should of taken it to the mod directly in pm's rather than complaining about it in the thread, but hey we all make mistakes.. right!

they are lighthearted memes - most of the time created by folks in the community - so really I don't see the harmfulness in them. Squirtle isn't gay? It's a fake character? It's making fun of coming out? I can't and will not defend the marill meme because it's not mine to defend or have an opinion on - but the "low effort" posts are really just nitpicking at this point. I've seen posts with less effort than all of those memes - and like I said the squirtle meme is cute.

They found a meme, they wanted to share with others like them, because it related to them, the meme itself is not throwing any callouts at anyone and I think you're just being hypocritical at this point. I won't call you sensitive because your feelings are valid, and I do respect them. I just think you need to do some prioritization of your morals here.

don't dish what you can't take, bud.

 

[Lily]

i get where you're coming from, i found the meme to be pretty cute too and i enjoyed it, but her point is that this is marked as a serious thread. it's not a personal attack on any given person for enjoying the memes but it's like, ppl have this thread watched (myself included) because it's marked as a serious thread for lgbtq+ discussion and if that isn't what people want then that's totally fine but it shouldn't be advertised that way. the memes are obviously totally harmless on their own, it's just that they don't rly belong in the Serious Place. i understand the counterargument that there isn't really anywhere else for these posts to go but if they're undermining other important discussion then maybe they should just be saved for discord servers with your friends. the original callout post was worded needlessly harshly though.