I don't know why or whether I may have the mental wellness problems. But I'm in a bad mood and want to post here.
It seems that a long time has passed for me to live in this repressive atmosphere. In the two years of the epidemic, I lost many friends and completed my three-year study in muddle along without an aim. They are either real or online, but they are all people who are important to me.
I deceived myself into becoming numb and temporarily escaping from reality. Until now, I finally completed this period of study. Maybe it's my problem. I always hurt them in some ways. Although I try my best to remedy it, unfortunately, it's always useless. At the same time, I also failed in various places, such as Pokemon, such as exams. I'm always depressed, but no one can let me talk with. I'm a little tired of talking to others happily, because I don't know whether it's me pretending or true, which makes me a little unaware of myself. By the way, I think I'm looking forward to receiving a response from others? Maybe.
It's too late for me now, it's time to stop. Thank you for reading, have a good day. This post is my improvisation. There may be many mistakes. I'm sorry:) I think I'll look forward to your reply and reply if I have the chance.
Edit: I am sure that my friends won't see this, at least i wish.
Hey ! I think I can in some way relate to you since I have for a moment used mons to escape from reality and lost most of my friends during my depression but at the end of the day, we didn't have anything very relevant to tell each other, so that may be for better. I want to say that I don't believe one has to choose between playing mons or quitting mons, I'll come back to this at the end of the post. Life is never so simple. I did go through one or two phases of "if life is painful, then it's all my fault and I have to change things, so no more mons, more exercise, less this, more that" etc. It definitely didn't work for me. I don't know how it is for you, but be indulgent with yourself. If you are still battling depression, just take it very cool,
step by step. The one and only thing I needed, and maybe it can be the same for you, is gain confidence. How I did that ? Well, I suck, it took me maybe 2 years to find a viable way of... living. What it means for me :
- do exercise. My back aches permanently and after talking to my psychiatrist he agreed on it being one of the possible causes of my depression and poor mental state. So I tried to go to the gym, but I just didnt feel like going there, I dont like places with people and don't like how artificial all this machines look (do animals need that stuff to be so strong?). I took a book about physical exercise at home, but it was too complicated, too many exercises, and it almost made me more depressed since I feared the two days of the week I'd have to exercise. Finally (one year later) I said fuck it and found 4-5 exercises that looked fine and spent one hour a week doing them, then more, and I felt much better. I dont tell anyone I exercise bc 1) why would they care 2) I don't need "you should try 3-4 hours per week at the gym for it to be useful" stupid comments. I do enough to alleviate my pain, but not too much to not lose motivation. (Naturally, you start doing more without realizing it though so it's perfect).
- play music.
I know, the moment where you have to take on something new, it feels impossible, (btw I absolutely dont want anyone to read this and think you should play music : I wanted to do that, but if you are more into speaking a foreign language, drawing, cooking, whatever it's just as fine). I just know I feel calm when listening to music, and really wanted to play Pokémon and Zelda songs because I keep humming them, so I asked my mom a piano, got a beginner's piano book and practiced. However... I started playing 1 hour every day, and I started dreading my self-lessons. I quickly quit. After a year or so, I started again with only 20minutes 5 days a week only. Felt much better.
In my experience,
the problem with depression is that you dont have energy for nothing, while society, books and movies (especially manga) and SCHOOL
make you believe that progress happens if you work very hard (classes last 2hours jesus christ it's too much).
Bullshit. Bullshit. Looks badass like a samurai, but it's not effective. Tell anyone you do 30mins of exercise a week, or that you play 20mins of piano a day, and they may tell you "that's easy it's not work", or they may think it. But then you count : 20+20+20+20+20 per week, for 52 weeks, for X years... That's HUGE.
I am certain now that not seeing this before let me stuck in depression. Quitting my former studies to start something I enjoyed helped a lot, if you don't find an environment that suits you decently you will never be totally fine, don't get me wrong, but this simple, ridiculously obvious concept of just taking it easy literally (which doesn't mean being lazy at all), I wish I'd have understood it before. Get a 10-minute walk, go running for 15minutes, play music for 20mins, whatever, but stick to your schedule, no escaping, or you will just stop doing it ("too tired today" etc). It's so simple that it doesn't look serious right, how can it work?
Well, I started drawing faces two weeks ago (I might never do it, but I want to one day try to draw a short manga or comic like Calvin&Hobbes). I told myself to only use 1 sheet of paper every day, and to draw for max 30mins. I kept the 14 sheets. It's not super noticeable, but I can see progress, eyes start to actually be in the right place, the forehead is finally wide enough... If you can keep track of your progress, it's really rewarding. Imagine after one year, you can say "look, this is me drawing (or anything else) one year ago, and this is me now. I'm so glad I took the first step !".
As far as I'm concerned, I stopped having fear of never achieving anything. 20 or 30mins a day of something you like, with no excuses, and then if you want you can spend the rest of the day playing mons, you'll feel good because you will have worked a bit on something. I'd suggest this to anyone who is in the same place I have been, instead of quitting mons or anything "unproductive" to focus on work, self-improvement etc.
Have high expectations and you will fail, and a depressed person should have the lowest expectations, because when you are depressed you can barely move out of your bed and every step feels too heavy.
The biggest difficuly is to spot when you are being lazy and when you are pushing yourself a bit too much. My comparison would be PS! ladders. The moment you start being tilted and getting salty, you have played too much. If you feel a bit like that after, say, 45mins of learning a new language (or anything else you fancy), then you should realize it and only do 30mins next time. If you try to do round numbers like "1h every day" or worse "2h every day", well that's clean! but you might give up and feel even more depressed fairly quickly.
If you can't do it, nobody can. Remember that. Some people are exceptional, but that's what they are, exceptions. Shonen manga did get one thing very right : you can be shit and weak, but if you have some faith and a lot of patience, you will achieve what you want. And remember that if so many of us need to escape reality, it's because there might be a good reason to do so.
But at the end of the day, living in a house is escaping the reality of nature. I don't think having a bed to sleep in is unhealthy right ? So I'd say that escaping society is fine too, as long as it remains healthy and not systematic. Just find the right balance. I have a single word to describe someone who never escapes reality : madness. Look at the starry sky and try to think about your place in the universe, and you will quickly run back to your house to talk about it to strangers on the internet. That's healthy. What is unhealthy is being unable to even look at the sky. Apply the same reasoning to society when life is too hard. I hope my analogy makes sense.
Great video to start doing things (the key to escape depression imo) :
TL;DR: if at the moment you spend all your free time playing mons, start spending all your free time minus twenty minutes playing mons. You will quickly start feeling better and achieve something. Soon you may be spending all your free time working on something you like minus twenty minutes spent on mons.
TL;DR: of the TL;DR:
take it easy, very easy, I mean it. Start doing things gradually.
Cheers from France !