Hey Drew, it's been a while since this post and I hope you're feeling better about the situation. I also hope your depression has gotten better. For the situation itself, I think it's important to communicate with your significant other and your friends and family how you're feeling so that they know if you need some space to sort things out. Depression can cause people to hurt the ones they love dearly unintentionally; I went through it in the past and I'm sure a lot of other people have too. I think part of meaningful relationships is the ability to communicate your own emotions to the other person so that they understand where you're coming from because they care about who you are.
It definitely sucks that a relationship was ruined, and it sounds harsh, but that's in the past now. I think you're a good dude; I've spoken to you personally and even though I don't know you in real life but I know that you constantly try to support others in the UU community by being a tutor, UUSD manager, as well as a consistent contributor-even though these traits are only on this website, it stems from the gift of having the motivation to help other people and I'm sure you reflect on these values in some way, shape, or form in real life. Please don't "feel too awful" about living in this world; you're a good person that just got the short end of the stick by life and reacted accordingly. It's also admirable that you analyzed the situation because that helps it be a learning experience.
I agree with dice when they said moving forward takes baby steps; healing takes time, as well as correcting old habits. With that being said, I think there's definitely a way to move forward if you haven't found it already. I would suggest focusing on other things; things that make you happy like your personal interests or spending time with your other loved ones while finding ways to work on yourself (in your case, getting help with depression and addiction). I don't know if you ended up fixing things in the relationship that was lost but if you didn't, then just remember that you're a good dude that has the potential for more relationships down the line; just keep finding ways to improve yourself. Also remember that it's okay to feel sad; recognizing that you're hurting is also recognizing that you're human-and you can always lean onto other humans for support in times like these. People are meant to help each other. You got this man :)
Also update on this: I didn't end up getting therapy (yet) but I feel a lot better about things in my life. I didn't end up talking to that friend anymore after that situation but I'm honestly okay with it; I don't feel like our relationship was that healthy because of the types of people we are and a lot of things were misunderstood. I made a few new friends recently too and I'm trying to take things slower this time and communicate better with them. I'm still looking for therapy options to be safe, but my mental health is a lot better since I've been trying to work on myself as well as taking care of some of the new relationships I've formed and doing things I enjoy. Unlike previously, my validation and self confidence is starting to come from myself, and my emotion control has gotten a lot better.
I also wanted to make this post to share certain things that I think helps with good mental health in general. I'm sorry if I come off the wrong way in any shape or form, but these are my personal values which I try to use in my own life and feel are helpful values to have in general. Dice's post was really good and I want to add to it:
Identify the problem and possible solutions: It's important to know what a person is dealing with in terms of mental illness and how to get help for it. For example, therapy is always a good option to treat depression and it's the first step to healing in a lot of scenarios. It's also really helpful to have a willingness to change; it's hard to improve simply by going to a therapists option and telling them to make a person better, the person should put in effort at the same time. Remember that sometimes, you need to see the other side of things in order to see where you need to improve which includes that you may have not acted the best way in the past.
Recognize that you have self worth: This is really hard to do at the darkest times of life but everyone has worth. Everyone has redeemable qualities that make them good people. If you're feeling really down and questioning whether or not you matter to anyone, try to think about times in your life where someone valued your presence. Maybe you helped someone at work today and they were very pleased, or you put an end to a horrible week for your friend by complimenting them on their fashion. The bottom line is that there are times when we doubt how much we really mean to other people, but there are many people who see the good in us and care about us. People like your family and friends all love you and associate with you for a good reason.
Reach out to other people for help: Much like the previous point, your friends and family are there to support you when you're down. Don't feel guilty about asking them for emotional support because at the end of the day, they love you for a good reason and hate to see you suffer. Human beings are meant to support and care about one another. Additionally, showing that you're hurting isn't showing that you're weak at all. Everyone feels sad, everyone has points in their life when they need someone else to take them out for dinner and talk, or simply just give them a hug to make them feel better. This is especially important when addressing toxic masculinity. You shouldn't feel inclined to show that you're an emotionless machine that feels nothing but the need to be strong just because you're male. Men hurt too, and that's okay.
Remind yourself that it always gets better: There are times in life where things get really dire and it feels like the situation will never get better. However, the truth is that getting better takes small, small steps. Emotional wounds heal slowly but surely, and life moves on. More relationships form, more opportunities arise, and you discover more about yourself as you grow and mature. Doing self fulfilling things helps with moving on with the situation at hand; it might be extremely painful at first but it will take your mind off things and help things improve over time.
Do self fulfilling things: Doing things that you love takes your mind off of the aspects of life that you're struggling in and helps you feel better. Maybe your friend wants to play some Mario Kart this Friday night. Maybe you haven't been drawing as much recently and it's time to pick up the stylus again. Even doing things like going out on walks, working out, eating a more healthy diet and looking at fashion options help a ton in terms of improving your mental health, bit by bit, until you're finally beginning to improve or move on. Like dice said, it can be hard sometimes to break the cycle of depression and the lack of motivation that stems from it, but improvement always happens little by little, so it might be useful to push yourself to engage in a few positive activities at first. Making a schedule is great for this; it helps your mind "force" your body to engage in positive activities at certain times. Last but not least, Pokemon is a game that can be very emotionally taxing. Try to draw boundaries so that it won't affect your wellbeing and take breaks when needed. After all, this game is simply another video game that should be played for fun, and it's important to treat it like that.
Suicide is never the answer: Last but definitely not least, suicide is never the best solution to your problems. Suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems; you cannot take back your life once you lose it and many of the other opportunities that it would have given you. Try to remind yourself that life always gets better, try to identify the root of the problem, and look for ways to improve. Do whatever that is necessary to make yourself feel better, including relying on your loved ones and doing things you enjoy. The suicide prevention hotline is there for support as well, even though you may not know these people personally, the hotline is there for people like you because your life has meaning, is worth saving, and you've simply hit a low that you need some love to get out of.
I hope these things to remember helps you guys or anyone else who is struggling with mental health. Also my discord is always open if anyone wants to talk at tarolover#0215.
) but keep yourself up \o/
