Hello Smogon. I guess most of you know who I am, whether you know me as Eo or as Chester makes no difference at this point because I have kind of a terrible secret to tell you. I've been lying to you all. Some people here are my dearest friends in the world and I feel really terrible that I've been hiding my true identity from them for more than SIX YEARS now and I think that since my involvement with the Pokemon aspect of this site has been waning, I want to finally reveal myself for who I truly am. This is also spurned by other users, such as Ninahaza, Ginku, and Great Sage coming out of the "black closet". That's right, I'm actually black. As difficult as it may be to believe given the more than half decade that I've given to build up my persona as Chester, the 19-year-old Asian, it's true. The person you may have seen in pictures that I've posted (the asian me) is not actually me, but is actually StevenSnype. I guess a lot of you are really skeptical about why I would go through all of the trouble to pain myself as an asian when I'm actually black. The reason is pretty simple: When I joined this site, I was 13 years old. At 13 I was still pretty naive, innocent, and afraid of what could happen on the internet. I knew that Smogon was a predominantly white / asian community and I didn't want to be chastised for being black, made fun of, etc. So when the topic of who Eo really was came up, I lied. I'd made friends with StevenSnype and I got him to take his pictures and pretend it was me. Even recently when I was on the SmogCast, it was Snype with me telling him ideas on what to say over IRC. So I'm sorry Smogon. I know that I was wrong to lie all this time, but what seemed as a quick and easy way to dodge out of giving up who I really was quickly spiraled out of control into the current situation that we have today. And I'm sure that most of you are still writing this off as fake. The whole reason that I'm doing this is so all of you, who I reiterate that I count among my dearest friends, know the real me. I don't want this to go on any longer. The best way I feel that this can be done is to tell you the story of my 18th birthday and include some pictures so that you know that it's really me. So without further adieu: The tale of Eo.
This is me. It was my 18th birthday. I was finally a man. No longer could anyone tease me with the so-often heard comments that I was somehow less than a man. I was almost done with high school and its torturous ways. Everyone here is either in high school or graduated, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. My freshman year, first week of school, I was taking a shower after gym class and someone noted that my penis was smaller than average. HOWEVER, that was only because I get really small when I'm nervous and flaccid (I was both), like it shrinks down so that the head is just barely poking out, but when it gets HARD it's at least 5-5.25 inches which is actually above the average. But before I could explain that to them I was already christened Little Dick because, well, yeah. So people called me LD all through high school which was a fucking joke. Needless to say after countless incidents like this I was beyond ready to become a man and leave these guys behind.
About a week before, though, my friends had told me that they were going to do something special for my 18th. We were all kind of outcasts -- you know how it is, blacks growing up in a white neighborhood, etc. I had three REALLY good friends and they pretty much stuck with me throughout high school, and the one girl who kind of hung around us Senior year.
Here they are, the chick is Melina, and from top to bottom the 3 dudes are Blake, Darqus, and Mike (but we always called him Oxlong because that's his last name). These were the guys that got me through every embarrassing incident of my high school life. The guys who pulled me back when I tried slapping Melina's ass when she was drunk at prom (always wanted to fuck that broad). The guys who gave me a condom when I [unsuccessfully] tried to seduce my Calc teacher's daughter at a party. The guys who, the first time I smoked weed and I got so high that I tried to eat dog food, pulled me off and gave me chips instead. These were the guys that I could trust. My lifelines. So when they said that they had something special for me, I believed them.
The morning of, I woke up and it seemed to be a normal morning. It smelled like my mom had prepared me a birthday breakfast or something, but other than that not much. When I walked downstairs I couldn't believe my eyes. EVERY ONE of my favorite foods was awaiting me. Poached eggs on toast, grits, fried chicken, chocolate milk, okra, and watermelon. A meal fit for the king of Africa. I hopped down all the stairs at once and dove in. It was exactly as delicious, possibly because it was my favorite foods, but also because it tasted like god damn freedom. Much like the meal that I picture my ancestors as having enjoyed in 1865, I could feel myself being unsheathed from oppression with every bite. Once that was done, I hopped in my car and went to school. It was a Friday at the end of the school year so it wasn't a big deal. Me, Blake, Oxlong, and Darqus were probably gonna skip after 2nd period anyway because after that class all our classes were doing shit.
As expected, in 3rd period I got a call to the front office that I was to be checked out. I got my mom to call, since I was 18 I could just leave after that at our school. We all crammed into my tiny little 2-door and drove off to McDonald's. We sat there for a while, maybe until 2 o'clock (we left pretty late since we have block schedule) before I asked them what was up for my 18th. The three of them looked at each other and smiled. Oxlong started off and told me that we were going to go out to eat. I figured that was tame enough -- not very exciting, but I didn't want excitement. Then Darqus added in that we'd see if we were up to anything else after dinner, which kind of scared me. We all went back to my place at 3 after bullshitting around for a little bit to get washed and dressed for dinner. They took me to a pretty nice place, you can see how it was in that group picture that I have up there. It was a decent meal, except the waiter kept looking at all of us with this look on his face. He was an old guy, maybe 65 on up, and you could tell that he was a good southern racist. At the end of the meal he gave us the check, looked Darqus straight in the eye, and said "I really hope that you leave a nice tip, because I've been stiffed by people of YOUR KIND too many times before". Darqus immediately stood up and, as Darqus is wont to do, tried to fight a nigga. This guy was 65 though and stood no chance, so we told Darqus not to fuck with him. They did ask us to leave, however we got our meal comped because of the dick waiter which was pretty cool.
After this I wasn't in the mood for anything else. I just wanted to go home, watch reruns of Chappelle's Show, and masturbate sadly for 15 minutes before I fell asleep, still awash in in my own semen, like I normally do. I even told that to Blake, Darqus, and Oxlong, but they wouldn't have it. They told me that we were going to sneak into a club that night and they were going to take my virginity. Not them personally, I mean, but, you know. There was a club called Black Galaxy. It was pretty exotic, but it was in a kind of run down part of St Louis. I didn't think that my parents would approve either. But then Blake chimed in and said that my parents already knew. He had told them that we were going to a Lil B concert (one of my favorite rappers) and that we'd probably be out pretty late. And since it was my 18th, she gave special permission for us to be out as late as we wanted. And so it looked like I was in for the night of my life.
At this point, it was around 8 o clock, so it was a little bit too early to club, but my friends knew just what to do. I always thought we all looked 21, me especially, but them too to an extent. They drove me down to this shady titty bar where they were pretty lenient on the age requirements and we all got in and started ordering some drinks. I sat down pretty close to the stage where some hot black chick with the fattest ass that I've ever seen was rubbing herself all over the pole. She looked me straight in the eye and I got so hard. Let's just say that Little Eo was standing at his FULL 5.25 inches. I reached in my pants to grab some money but I felt something else through my pocket. I tried to ignore my throbbing LilEo and grabbed for the money, hastily stuffing it into her bra. She offered up one of her titties for a squeeze in return. I grabbed the left one and it felt amazing. It was like a bag of gerbils squirming between my fingers, and I was their master. It was wonderful.
Well, the titty bar was nice, but at about 11 after we had gotten good and tipsy we decided to head off to this shady fucking club. My friends gave me this ridiculous fake chain so that I'd fit in more or something -- half the dudes in line had crazy shit on like that so I figured fuck it. This is a picture of me but really we wanted to get a shot of this chick's AMAZING ass. It was way better than Melina's. It doesn't look quite as good in this voyeuristic picture but it was nice as fuck. I've kind of got this thing for feet and I secretly pictured her buns grasping my feet
. We got up to the front and the bouncer looked me over and let me in. Blake, Darqus, and Oxlong weren't so lucky though and they got sent off for being too young. I was pretty scared. Meek, timid Eo going into a club for the first time himself. I had no idea what to do. The club was like a maze. It was ridiculously huge; the basement was where the serious shit went down, and the top was almost equally crazy. The middle floor had two parts, the part where you walk in with music, lights, and dancing, and another room where there were like 6 5'4 asians grinding on this one really tall black girl. In the back of the main room, there were a couple guys snorting what I can only assume to be coke or something. I hadn't forgotten my goal to get laid and so I looked for the hottest girl in the bar. I was a little afraid still, but I figured that whatever I did tonight, no one would know in the morning. I spotted her and god damn was she fine. Beyond having a foot fetish, I also have a kind of thing for fat chicks. I think that I've perfected the art of Chaftwhaling, which is pretty much hunting out fat girls to date you. I'd dated at least 3 girls over 300 lbs and gone out with 2 more once or twice. I just love the feeling of wrapping my whole body around their waist, the feeling of sinking into them. Either way, she was fucking hot. She was wearing a black denim jacket and a beige t-shirt that made my willie stir. Her gut was spilling out which sufficiently rustled my jimmies so that I was forced to talk to her. But who was I, poor Eo, to talk to the most beautiful woman in the club? I decided to wait it out a little bit so that I could form a plan. Meanwhile, I wandered off into parts of the club yet unknown.
The first place I checked out was downstairs because I heard maniacal screaming coming from down there. As it turns out, they were running a cockfighting ring down there. Now, I've dabbled in cockfighting, but nothing like these guys. I watched as they each pulled out their monster cocks and put them against each other in the ring. There were sweaty men all around yelling and screaming, betting money, fighting and crying. Drink in hand, I began to spectate. I watched a couple of rounds before the meanest looking chicken that I've ever seen came out. I knew trouble was coming. As they released the chickens, I stepped back, but the chicken flew out of the ring and attacked me. Its powerful beak drove into my shirt again and again, its claws driving into my stomach. I didn't know what to do, so I threw my drink into its face. This only enraged the chicken to levels previously unreached. He began to peck wildly at my face as I eventually pushed it off. A black guy came up wearing very short shorts -- think Chubbies, the inseam was like 3" max. Furthermore, the tip of his penis was snaking down his shorts and was poking out. As he squatted to to help me out, I panicked and shot up, right into the large penis. I fell down again and the man laughed and helped me up. He said that he should maybe put some pants on and to come with him. I was a little bit afraid that I'd get murdered or something if I followed, but if I declined I figured that it would be worse. Fear may cut deeper than swords, but I'm pretty sure a big black cock cuts deeper than fear. I walked with him into a room with a door that appeared to be almost hidden. There, he put on a spider jacket and some jeans over his clothes and asked me if I was having fun. I was honestly pretty terrified but I told him that I was having a great time. He asked me if there were any pretty ladies that I'd seen shaking their goodies at me, and I told him about my fetish and that there was one beautiful woman, one woman who I had lusted after the entire night, but I told him about my nerves and about my penis and about the combination between the two and the clusterfuck that would ensue. The man, smooth as fuck, looked at me and told me not to worry about it. If I pointed out the girl, he would hook us up. His friend walked in the room wearing an orange jacket, he looked moderately old. They started talking quietly, and then he came up to me and introduced himself as the owner of the club. He also told me not to worry about the girl.
We walked out of the private room and I scanned the room for the girl. She was talking to some hot-shot stud, of course. I pointed her out and the guys told me to go have fun. I decided to, against my better judgement, check out the upstairs. There was another crowd of people circled around a large area in the center. It was really dark and hazy, just like the rest of the club. In the middle was the strangest sight that I've ever seen. There were two girls, one would dance, and then the other. They were doing the most ridiculous dances that I'd ever seen, shaking their asses this way and that while the crowd looked on in adoration. When they were done, the crowd screamed for one or the other. It was a dance off! They declared the winner and she said "Which one of y'all bitches wants to come up against the MAIN BITCH now?". I remember the words clear as day. I stepped forth from the crowd. Today was no day for men, today was a day for gods, and I was about to become holy. I called for the music to stop and took one step forward. I slid one ass cheek up, dropping the other down, then squatted low, low. I called for the music to begin again and began to rhythmically bounce my ass cheeks, one after the other, throwing down the power that I knew my black ass contained. I beat my chest like an animal, for that was what I was at that moment in time. The girl looked at me in shock as I displayed my dominance. When I was finished, the girl just backed away. She knew that I had won. She knew that the sheer force displayed in my dancing, the incredible force shown in my ass thrusting had conquered her. The crowd crashed in on me, pulled me up, and I was surfing high above the crowd. I was quite drunk at this point, and I felt like I could do anything. I felt warm hands groping me, and soon after they had let me down. The man in the orange jacket came up to me and told me to come downstairs.
When I got downstairs, there was PenisGuy (as I'd dubbed him) and my sexy lady. She introduced herself; I don't even remember her name I was so drunk. But the orange shirt quickly rushed me aside and told me that he had put some roofies in her beverage and veeeeeeeery shortly I would have my way with her. I was completely shocked. This wasn't what I meant AT ALL when he had said he'd take care of her. He pulled me back and said to the whole group, picture time! we took a picture.
After this I was totally fucking freaking out. These guys expected me to do ILLEGAL things to this girl, and I was totally not down with that! She was already going to pass out; it was inevitable, but I had to find some way to stall. The two guys winked at me and just left. I decided that the best place to be would be out of the club. It was packed in there, and someone would see the girl pass out and get suspicious of me, and she could possibly get hurt. I tried to take my chance and bring her back to my car. When I asked her, she reluctantly obliged, and I knew I was out of the hottest water. When I stepped outside, it was madness in the parking lot. At least 75 black people had amassed in the center and were moshing wildly. In the middle, I saw Darqus going at it. At this point it was at least 3 AM, and I was positive that all of my friends were either blackout drunk or close to it. The girl was starting to lean on me more and I figured she would pass out soon. I was looking for my car, but I couldn't find it, so I tried to move closer to the crowd when it popped out at me. These guys were fucking slam dancing on my car! There were almost 100 black people ENGULFING my vehicle, and I had to do something about it before this girl passed out. I told the girl to sit down and prepared myself. I snorted a bit of cocaine that I had slipped from the club and ran into the mosh pit. I pushed through the black people, each one of them stronger than the last, dancing like monkeys. I finally reached my car and pulled out my keys to unlock it. I jammed the door open and hopped in the car, quickly relocking it. I knew what I had to do. I revved the engine but the dumb people still didn't move. I revved it once again as a second warning shot, and when they remained dancing my mission was clear. I stomped on the gas pedal and plowed through 35 black people. They were flying off my windshield like bugs, trying to dive out of the way, but it was no use. Once I cleared the crowd, I yelled out the window for Blake, Darqus, and I told Oxlong to grab the girl. I had to keep maneuvering my car because the crowd was coming at me, trying to break into my car. I stepped on the gas in reverse and knocked over black people like they were pins in a bowling match. Blake hopped in the back seat and Oxlong threw in the girl and himself. All that was left was to find Darqus, that wily nigga. I spotted him, being attacked by a pack of black people. I pushed my car as fast as it would go and put it in a tailspin, knocking the pack of them down and leaving the cowering Darqus intact. He quickly ran in the front seat and we drove off back home....
...before we realized that we still had the girl in out car! She was completely out cold. As we were driving, the police passed by us. I'm sure we looked suspicious; 4 black guys, drunk, high on coke, with a girl who could possibly pass for white in the back seat, passed out. And apparently we did look suspicious, because the next thing I knew my drunk black ass was getting pulled over. The cop sauntered up to us and asked us what our business was. I knew he could smell the alcohol on my breath so there was only one thing to do. I ripped the night stick from his belt and began to savagely beat the officer. He fell down, screaming, crying, but I held no mercy on the white establishment that he represented. Once he was unconscious or dead, I smashed the window of the car and knocked out the camera. I placed the bloody officer in the car and hopped back in mine. Before I drove off, however, I told Darqus to take the girl and place her in the car as well. This way it would look like the police officer drugged her, she woke up and beat him like a black maniac (a maniblack).
As we set off for home, I reflected on the night. I was certainly no longer LittleDick Eo, a mere boy, but I was a MAN. Thank you for your time Smogon, it has been an amazing 6 years and I am glad that you know who EO really is now.
This is me. It was my 18th birthday. I was finally a man. No longer could anyone tease me with the so-often heard comments that I was somehow less than a man. I was almost done with high school and its torturous ways. Everyone here is either in high school or graduated, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. My freshman year, first week of school, I was taking a shower after gym class and someone noted that my penis was smaller than average. HOWEVER, that was only because I get really small when I'm nervous and flaccid (I was both), like it shrinks down so that the head is just barely poking out, but when it gets HARD it's at least 5-5.25 inches which is actually above the average. But before I could explain that to them I was already christened Little Dick because, well, yeah. So people called me LD all through high school which was a fucking joke. Needless to say after countless incidents like this I was beyond ready to become a man and leave these guys behind.
About a week before, though, my friends had told me that they were going to do something special for my 18th. We were all kind of outcasts -- you know how it is, blacks growing up in a white neighborhood, etc. I had three REALLY good friends and they pretty much stuck with me throughout high school, and the one girl who kind of hung around us Senior year.
Here they are, the chick is Melina, and from top to bottom the 3 dudes are Blake, Darqus, and Mike (but we always called him Oxlong because that's his last name). These were the guys that got me through every embarrassing incident of my high school life. The guys who pulled me back when I tried slapping Melina's ass when she was drunk at prom (always wanted to fuck that broad). The guys who gave me a condom when I [unsuccessfully] tried to seduce my Calc teacher's daughter at a party. The guys who, the first time I smoked weed and I got so high that I tried to eat dog food, pulled me off and gave me chips instead. These were the guys that I could trust. My lifelines. So when they said that they had something special for me, I believed them.
The morning of, I woke up and it seemed to be a normal morning. It smelled like my mom had prepared me a birthday breakfast or something, but other than that not much. When I walked downstairs I couldn't believe my eyes. EVERY ONE of my favorite foods was awaiting me. Poached eggs on toast, grits, fried chicken, chocolate milk, okra, and watermelon. A meal fit for the king of Africa. I hopped down all the stairs at once and dove in. It was exactly as delicious, possibly because it was my favorite foods, but also because it tasted like god damn freedom. Much like the meal that I picture my ancestors as having enjoyed in 1865, I could feel myself being unsheathed from oppression with every bite. Once that was done, I hopped in my car and went to school. It was a Friday at the end of the school year so it wasn't a big deal. Me, Blake, Oxlong, and Darqus were probably gonna skip after 2nd period anyway because after that class all our classes were doing shit.
As expected, in 3rd period I got a call to the front office that I was to be checked out. I got my mom to call, since I was 18 I could just leave after that at our school. We all crammed into my tiny little 2-door and drove off to McDonald's. We sat there for a while, maybe until 2 o'clock (we left pretty late since we have block schedule) before I asked them what was up for my 18th. The three of them looked at each other and smiled. Oxlong started off and told me that we were going to go out to eat. I figured that was tame enough -- not very exciting, but I didn't want excitement. Then Darqus added in that we'd see if we were up to anything else after dinner, which kind of scared me. We all went back to my place at 3 after bullshitting around for a little bit to get washed and dressed for dinner. They took me to a pretty nice place, you can see how it was in that group picture that I have up there. It was a decent meal, except the waiter kept looking at all of us with this look on his face. He was an old guy, maybe 65 on up, and you could tell that he was a good southern racist. At the end of the meal he gave us the check, looked Darqus straight in the eye, and said "I really hope that you leave a nice tip, because I've been stiffed by people of YOUR KIND too many times before". Darqus immediately stood up and, as Darqus is wont to do, tried to fight a nigga. This guy was 65 though and stood no chance, so we told Darqus not to fuck with him. They did ask us to leave, however we got our meal comped because of the dick waiter which was pretty cool.
After this I wasn't in the mood for anything else. I just wanted to go home, watch reruns of Chappelle's Show, and masturbate sadly for 15 minutes before I fell asleep, still awash in in my own semen, like I normally do. I even told that to Blake, Darqus, and Oxlong, but they wouldn't have it. They told me that we were going to sneak into a club that night and they were going to take my virginity. Not them personally, I mean, but, you know. There was a club called Black Galaxy. It was pretty exotic, but it was in a kind of run down part of St Louis. I didn't think that my parents would approve either. But then Blake chimed in and said that my parents already knew. He had told them that we were going to a Lil B concert (one of my favorite rappers) and that we'd probably be out pretty late. And since it was my 18th, she gave special permission for us to be out as late as we wanted. And so it looked like I was in for the night of my life.
At this point, it was around 8 o clock, so it was a little bit too early to club, but my friends knew just what to do. I always thought we all looked 21, me especially, but them too to an extent. They drove me down to this shady titty bar where they were pretty lenient on the age requirements and we all got in and started ordering some drinks. I sat down pretty close to the stage where some hot black chick with the fattest ass that I've ever seen was rubbing herself all over the pole. She looked me straight in the eye and I got so hard. Let's just say that Little Eo was standing at his FULL 5.25 inches. I reached in my pants to grab some money but I felt something else through my pocket. I tried to ignore my throbbing LilEo and grabbed for the money, hastily stuffing it into her bra. She offered up one of her titties for a squeeze in return. I grabbed the left one and it felt amazing. It was like a bag of gerbils squirming between my fingers, and I was their master. It was wonderful.
Well, the titty bar was nice, but at about 11 after we had gotten good and tipsy we decided to head off to this shady fucking club. My friends gave me this ridiculous fake chain so that I'd fit in more or something -- half the dudes in line had crazy shit on like that so I figured fuck it. This is a picture of me but really we wanted to get a shot of this chick's AMAZING ass. It was way better than Melina's. It doesn't look quite as good in this voyeuristic picture but it was nice as fuck. I've kind of got this thing for feet and I secretly pictured her buns grasping my feet
. We got up to the front and the bouncer looked me over and let me in. Blake, Darqus, and Oxlong weren't so lucky though and they got sent off for being too young. I was pretty scared. Meek, timid Eo going into a club for the first time himself. I had no idea what to do. The club was like a maze. It was ridiculously huge; the basement was where the serious shit went down, and the top was almost equally crazy. The middle floor had two parts, the part where you walk in with music, lights, and dancing, and another room where there were like 6 5'4 asians grinding on this one really tall black girl. In the back of the main room, there were a couple guys snorting what I can only assume to be coke or something. I hadn't forgotten my goal to get laid and so I looked for the hottest girl in the bar. I was a little afraid still, but I figured that whatever I did tonight, no one would know in the morning. I spotted her and god damn was she fine. Beyond having a foot fetish, I also have a kind of thing for fat chicks. I think that I've perfected the art of Chaftwhaling, which is pretty much hunting out fat girls to date you. I'd dated at least 3 girls over 300 lbs and gone out with 2 more once or twice. I just love the feeling of wrapping my whole body around their waist, the feeling of sinking into them. Either way, she was fucking hot. She was wearing a black denim jacket and a beige t-shirt that made my willie stir. Her gut was spilling out which sufficiently rustled my jimmies so that I was forced to talk to her. But who was I, poor Eo, to talk to the most beautiful woman in the club? I decided to wait it out a little bit so that I could form a plan. Meanwhile, I wandered off into parts of the club yet unknown.
The first place I checked out was downstairs because I heard maniacal screaming coming from down there. As it turns out, they were running a cockfighting ring down there. Now, I've dabbled in cockfighting, but nothing like these guys. I watched as they each pulled out their monster cocks and put them against each other in the ring. There were sweaty men all around yelling and screaming, betting money, fighting and crying. Drink in hand, I began to spectate. I watched a couple of rounds before the meanest looking chicken that I've ever seen came out. I knew trouble was coming. As they released the chickens, I stepped back, but the chicken flew out of the ring and attacked me. Its powerful beak drove into my shirt again and again, its claws driving into my stomach. I didn't know what to do, so I threw my drink into its face. This only enraged the chicken to levels previously unreached. He began to peck wildly at my face as I eventually pushed it off. A black guy came up wearing very short shorts -- think Chubbies, the inseam was like 3" max. Furthermore, the tip of his penis was snaking down his shorts and was poking out. As he squatted to to help me out, I panicked and shot up, right into the large penis. I fell down again and the man laughed and helped me up. He said that he should maybe put some pants on and to come with him. I was a little bit afraid that I'd get murdered or something if I followed, but if I declined I figured that it would be worse. Fear may cut deeper than swords, but I'm pretty sure a big black cock cuts deeper than fear. I walked with him into a room with a door that appeared to be almost hidden. There, he put on a spider jacket and some jeans over his clothes and asked me if I was having fun. I was honestly pretty terrified but I told him that I was having a great time. He asked me if there were any pretty ladies that I'd seen shaking their goodies at me, and I told him about my fetish and that there was one beautiful woman, one woman who I had lusted after the entire night, but I told him about my nerves and about my penis and about the combination between the two and the clusterfuck that would ensue. The man, smooth as fuck, looked at me and told me not to worry about it. If I pointed out the girl, he would hook us up. His friend walked in the room wearing an orange jacket, he looked moderately old. They started talking quietly, and then he came up to me and introduced himself as the owner of the club. He also told me not to worry about the girl.
We walked out of the private room and I scanned the room for the girl. She was talking to some hot-shot stud, of course. I pointed her out and the guys told me to go have fun. I decided to, against my better judgement, check out the upstairs. There was another crowd of people circled around a large area in the center. It was really dark and hazy, just like the rest of the club. In the middle was the strangest sight that I've ever seen. There were two girls, one would dance, and then the other. They were doing the most ridiculous dances that I'd ever seen, shaking their asses this way and that while the crowd looked on in adoration. When they were done, the crowd screamed for one or the other. It was a dance off! They declared the winner and she said "Which one of y'all bitches wants to come up against the MAIN BITCH now?". I remember the words clear as day. I stepped forth from the crowd. Today was no day for men, today was a day for gods, and I was about to become holy. I called for the music to stop and took one step forward. I slid one ass cheek up, dropping the other down, then squatted low, low. I called for the music to begin again and began to rhythmically bounce my ass cheeks, one after the other, throwing down the power that I knew my black ass contained. I beat my chest like an animal, for that was what I was at that moment in time. The girl looked at me in shock as I displayed my dominance. When I was finished, the girl just backed away. She knew that I had won. She knew that the sheer force displayed in my dancing, the incredible force shown in my ass thrusting had conquered her. The crowd crashed in on me, pulled me up, and I was surfing high above the crowd. I was quite drunk at this point, and I felt like I could do anything. I felt warm hands groping me, and soon after they had let me down. The man in the orange jacket came up to me and told me to come downstairs.
When I got downstairs, there was PenisGuy (as I'd dubbed him) and my sexy lady. She introduced herself; I don't even remember her name I was so drunk. But the orange shirt quickly rushed me aside and told me that he had put some roofies in her beverage and veeeeeeeery shortly I would have my way with her. I was completely shocked. This wasn't what I meant AT ALL when he had said he'd take care of her. He pulled me back and said to the whole group, picture time! we took a picture.
After this I was totally fucking freaking out. These guys expected me to do ILLEGAL things to this girl, and I was totally not down with that! She was already going to pass out; it was inevitable, but I had to find some way to stall. The two guys winked at me and just left. I decided that the best place to be would be out of the club. It was packed in there, and someone would see the girl pass out and get suspicious of me, and she could possibly get hurt. I tried to take my chance and bring her back to my car. When I asked her, she reluctantly obliged, and I knew I was out of the hottest water. When I stepped outside, it was madness in the parking lot. At least 75 black people had amassed in the center and were moshing wildly. In the middle, I saw Darqus going at it. At this point it was at least 3 AM, and I was positive that all of my friends were either blackout drunk or close to it. The girl was starting to lean on me more and I figured she would pass out soon. I was looking for my car, but I couldn't find it, so I tried to move closer to the crowd when it popped out at me. These guys were fucking slam dancing on my car! There were almost 100 black people ENGULFING my vehicle, and I had to do something about it before this girl passed out. I told the girl to sit down and prepared myself. I snorted a bit of cocaine that I had slipped from the club and ran into the mosh pit. I pushed through the black people, each one of them stronger than the last, dancing like monkeys. I finally reached my car and pulled out my keys to unlock it. I jammed the door open and hopped in the car, quickly relocking it. I knew what I had to do. I revved the engine but the dumb people still didn't move. I revved it once again as a second warning shot, and when they remained dancing my mission was clear. I stomped on the gas pedal and plowed through 35 black people. They were flying off my windshield like bugs, trying to dive out of the way, but it was no use. Once I cleared the crowd, I yelled out the window for Blake, Darqus, and I told Oxlong to grab the girl. I had to keep maneuvering my car because the crowd was coming at me, trying to break into my car. I stepped on the gas in reverse and knocked over black people like they were pins in a bowling match. Blake hopped in the back seat and Oxlong threw in the girl and himself. All that was left was to find Darqus, that wily nigga. I spotted him, being attacked by a pack of black people. I pushed my car as fast as it would go and put it in a tailspin, knocking the pack of them down and leaving the cowering Darqus intact. He quickly ran in the front seat and we drove off back home....
...before we realized that we still had the girl in out car! She was completely out cold. As we were driving, the police passed by us. I'm sure we looked suspicious; 4 black guys, drunk, high on coke, with a girl who could possibly pass for white in the back seat, passed out. And apparently we did look suspicious, because the next thing I knew my drunk black ass was getting pulled over. The cop sauntered up to us and asked us what our business was. I knew he could smell the alcohol on my breath so there was only one thing to do. I ripped the night stick from his belt and began to savagely beat the officer. He fell down, screaming, crying, but I held no mercy on the white establishment that he represented. Once he was unconscious or dead, I smashed the window of the car and knocked out the camera. I placed the bloody officer in the car and hopped back in mine. Before I drove off, however, I told Darqus to take the girl and place her in the car as well. This way it would look like the police officer drugged her, she woke up and beat him like a black maniac (a maniblack).
As we set off for home, I reflected on the night. I was certainly no longer LittleDick Eo, a mere boy, but I was a MAN. Thank you for your time Smogon, it has been an amazing 6 years and I am glad that you know who EO really is now.
