How about having terrible speed, poor offensive capability without increasing it with Belly Drum or Calm Mind (No Special STAB outside Hyper Beam), and Normal being a downright terrible STAB in a metagame full of Tyranitar, Steel Types, and Rotom-A?
You cannot seriously believe a pokemon that gets 1.3x damage on a STAB that cannot hit anything for Super-Effective Damage off a poor base attack and mediocre SA is remotely comparable to a Pokemon that can do it with two of the most useful STABs in the metagame, and by all current spreads somewhere in the ballpark of 120 Base Atk and 100 Base Spe. The hell do you need a recovery move for when you've got after-STAB effective 195 BP Earthquake, 156 BP Crunch/Sucker Punch/fleeing Pursuit, and 156 BP Fire Blast/Blizzard/other coverage move at your disposal. All Magic Guard does is turn this into a first-order sweeper.
Well, I suppose I wasn't considering the attacking-types or anything. My thinking was pretty much just that the life-orb recoil isn't typically accounted for in picking a check/counter for a Pokemon, as you can't rely on that damage being there (the Pokemon might use a support move or it might be holding a different item). Thus, I didn't consider the loss of the Life Orb recoil too significant. The closest stuff we actually have for reference to Recoiless Life Orb is stuff weaker than it (Expert Belt), stuff stronger than it, but unreliable (Download Porygon-Z), and stuff that's flat out stronger (Soul Dew--the difference between it and Life Orb's boost is greater than the difference between Life Orb's and the Expert Belt's). Putting all that together, despite all the screaming over it, I couldn't convince myself that that wasn't just theorymon, due to such a thing not actually having been seen yet, and thus, despite it certainly being a powerful aspect of the ability, I hardly found myself convinced as of yet of its potential of actually making CAP9 broken.
Beyond that, really, I was really just considering Magic Guard's aspects as they relate to this concept and didn't focus on the Life Orb aspect that much. To me, mainly I was just seeing Magic Guard as a way to pick up what's essentially a Poison immunity, while avoiding taking entry hazard damage as well. Thus, I was considering stuff like Guts being superior to it (in the scope of the concept), since Guts both negates the attack-drop of Burn and also makes Poison desirable for it as well. For the same reasoning, Poison Heal and Auto-Magic Coat were sounding better to me. Thus, in my head, I had already put down Magic Guard as a more inferior choice in the scope of the concept as compared to some others. Since I was mainly focusing on those aspects of Magic Guard, and not so much the Life Orb one, it annoyed me to see Magic Guard put up so high, and thus I responded as I did.
As I've explained though, Magic Guard wouldn't be my first choice for CAP9 even under that line of thinking anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter too much. Guts, Poison Heal, and Auto-Magic Coat are all more appealing to me anyway, so the issue of what affects Magic Guard would actually have on a Pokemon as CAP9 are quite beside the point, since it's not the option either of us are most interested in giving to CAP9, and thus it isn't really worth the time to dwell on it here.
EDIT: AlphaBravo's ability is exactly the same as
Beej's Auto-Magic Coat--both only take affect on the switch. Neither of them have anything to do with having a constant Magic Coat on or anything.