Emergency Situations

[doomvendingmachine]

A meteor will hit the Earth in 1 hour... What do you do?

Bring in my heatran to 4X resist MM.

It's the zombie apocalypse! How do you survive?

 

[Iggdrasil]

Pretend to be Micheal Jackson.

An armed criminal with a fully loaded brand new machine gun has broken into your house... with you, and only you, still in it. You have no exits nor windows to escape from. Your house contains no knives, guns, or any form of weapon...

EDIT: Oh, and you actually want to live.

 

[Destiny Warrior]

Sneak around him and steal his machine gun.

You are being hounded down by Jumpman16 and Philip7086 for some policy stuff. How do you escape?

 

[min min]

Change your name to something that sounds mod-dish, like Haunterr or Dek Knight. You'll get banned, but at least you don't have to do policy review.

For some strange reason your diet for the past three days were prunes and curry. You need to take a long, wet shit, but now's not really the time: it's the finals of a Smogon tourney, and your timer was lagging and is approaching countdown fast. WHAT DO YOU DO

 

[NatGeo]

bring your computer to the bathroom, if you can.

You fall out of a plane, no parachute, and there are two targets, one small and cushiony, other large and rocky. A parachute is flying next to you, but its too far away to get.

 

[NeilKosugi]

I summon Red-Eyes Black Dragon.

I just made a Yu-Gi-Oh! reference.

 

[SMZ]

You gay hoe!

I just made a pun about the title.

 

[ak_Archangel]

Play blue eyes due to its higher attack I win. Then i go over and kick you in your nuts for making a yugioh reference.

7 killers all armed with ak-47's are at your house waiting for you to come home.
U cant blow up the house or call the goverment what do you do.

 

[(makeup)]

You go into defense mode. WHAT NOW

You have a paper due tomorrow and you procrastinated until now. Coincidentally you have the finals of the Smogon tour coming up and you know you're going to win, and you only have to do one of them. What do you do?

It's not emergency but I don't care.

 

[TsukasaSIGN]

Win the finals match. Make the loser do your paper.
Clowns everywhere.

 

[mattj]

Win the finals match. Make the loser do your paper.
Clowns everywhere.

Shoot All The Clowns.

You walk in the front door after a long hard days work to find clothes strewn all about the house and your best friend in bed with your wife.

[edit]

Come on guys, I need to know what to do before he leaves.

 

[Zebstrika]

Lock him (I assume...) in so you can think more.


You get a time machine, but you can only go back in time. You must use it once a day.

 

[SMZ]

Go back to dark ages, show my knowledge to them, so they give me super respect/fear/money/whores.

A parasite fish is in your penis (amazon fish forgot its name), but the only way to get it out right now it to rub your cock against your best friend's so it can enter his hole, what do you do?

 

[Lanturn314]

Go back to dark ages, show my knowledge to them, so they give me super respect/fear/money/whores.

A parasite fish is in your penis (amazon fish forgot its name), but the only way to get it out right now it to rub your cock against your best friend's so it can enter his hole, what do you do?

The fish in question is known as the Candiru.
I don't have a penis, but if I did, I'd want to get that fish thing the hell out of me, so why not?

A crazy man holds you at gunpoint and says he'll kill you, your friends, and your family unless you watch your parents having sex.

 

[Zebstrika]

Go back to dark ages, show my knowledge to them, so they give me super respect/fear/money/whores.

Yes, but after a day you would have to go back in time again, so you would lose your super respect/fear/money/whores. Also, English was not the same in the dark ages, if it even existed. That would make stuff hard in general.

 

[Bisharp]

The fish in question is known as the Candiru.
I don't have a penis, but if I did, I'd want to get that fish thing the hell out of me, so why not?

A crazy man holds you at gunpoint and says he'll kill you, your friends, and your family unless you watch your parents having sex.

Tell him I'm an orphan. If he doesn't believe me, I'd take him to my grandparents and pay 'em.

 

[ocarina of rhyme]

The user above posts a terrible thread. How do you make him regret it?

EDIT: oh wait.

 

[Bisharp]

I regret nothing Ocarina :P

 

[Zebstrika]

The user above posts a terrible thread. How do you make him regret it?

EDIT: oh wait.

That thread is gone. Disappeared into thin air.

Gone.

Deleted.

Forever!

 

[NatGeo]

You are surrounded by wolves.

 

[Aura Guardian]

Command them to obey me, the supreme werewolf.

A dagger is pointing at you, hovering in the air. Only you see it. What do you do about it?

 

[SMZ]

Wonder if there are other daggers who point at people, but nobody can see besides themselves, study this phenomenon and get famous.

You have a small penis and man-boobs, what do you do? (yes I'm not talking about myself)

 

[ruf]

Fix that shit up with surgery.

You're sitting in a theater when, all of a sudden, a fire ignites (terrorists), blocking all exits in the theater. What do you do?

 

[Darkamber8828]

Get the fire extinguisher that's required in every theater, extinguish the fire, construct catapult out of popcorn and spit, throw flaming corpses at terrorists with it.

Duh.

You are standing on a five-hundred foot pillar in the middle of the ocean, with hungry sharks swimming below you, with nothing but a bear trap, a rotten watermelon, fifty feet of yarn, a jug of olive oil, and a pack of condoms. Now what?

 

[NatGeo]

Throw the watermelon in the water to distract the sharks, then proceed to smear olive oil on the top of the pillar to reflect light, then lower yourself down the pillar so you can use the bear trap connected with yarn to catch a shark for food / transportation / weird fetish rape.

Rinse and repeat with trap.

Either that or crack a chunk out of the pillar to make a raft.

?

You are in a game of chess with a grandmaster, and you cannot change pieces while someone is not looking, or you die. Loser gets eaten alive by small insects.