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Exclusivity in Relationships
- Thread starter LonelyNess
- Start date
Elementary, my Dear Watson, to divorce and try to win the other's money! Anyway yeah, the 50% or whatever divorce rate ruins your argument, but try again.
fidelity is important to some people, but not others. if a couple agree that fidelity is not important in their relationship, then that's okay! there are no all-encompassing standards, principles or rules concerning love - everyone has to make up their own minds, then compromise with the views of their partner or partners. so some people get married and stay exclusive, others live in perfectly fulfilling and agreeable polyamorous relationships.
Because they want to. Which is fair enough. I'm not telling everyone to go out and have a poly relationship, for christ's sake, just saying it's no less valid a form of love because it's comparatively uncommon and involves more people than you're comfortable with.
I might get married. I might not. If I do, it'll just be for the pretty dress (though I've been informed by the boy it would be inappropriate if I wore white) and the party, not to somehow validate the fact I'm in love with him. It's not like you sign a marriage declaration and suddenly THAT'S IT IT'S REALLY REAL LOVE AND THERE'S NOONE ELSE EVER. Marriage is just a bit of paper, it's what you make of it that matters.
Legally, marriage is quite more than just a bit of paper (at least in the United States, I'm not familiar with British common law). You get all sorts of tax benefits and rights as a married person.
Culturally though I think it is an excellent way for a couple to share their love for each other with others, as well as being a way to remind the couples that this will be a lifelong relationship.
I didn't quite read through this whole thread but...if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend you're exclusive with them, if you do not then you don't have to be exclusive?? Obviously the only question would then be what defines a boyfriend or girlfriend and I imagine that would be some sort of verbal agreement like: "Will you be girlfriend?", "Yes!!".
I haven't really met anyone who disagreed with that...
I haven't really met anyone who disagreed with that...
You don’t always get tax benefits actually. It all depends on how much each makes in the relationship. Some married couples actually end up with a disadvantage while filing taxes. So there are not really any benefits some of the times. And the rights that go along with marriage can be obtained in other ways.
I feel that marriage has been so degraded and so decayed that hardly anyone actually cares about it anymore. Marriage is looked at as a financial contract by so many people and not as what it is suppose to be. A marriage is a joining of a man and a woman that are committed to each other. Each belongs to the other. Now a days marriage and dating has been reduced to simply just using the other person as company. Exclusitivity should be a given when you are interested in someone. If you are not interested in exclusitivity then be polity and say no, don’t be an ass and take advantage of the other person by just going along with it.
Obviously there was a communication problem, and defining what you want exactly out of a relationship is an important step. You can't just assume that because you wanted to be exclusive that she feels the same way. I'm not saying that she wasn't out of line because she didn't communicate either, but at least you learned your lesson. For the next time be sure to speak up about it so this situation doesn't repeat itself.
Actually, my version of marriage has always existed, those example that you gave are yet another example of the real meaning of marriage being degraded. Not one of those examples you made do what i said a marriage really is. None of those portray the two becoming one and belonging to each other and caring for each other. Number 3 especially is an example of the decay of marriage.
The real meaning of marriage does not support any those things you mentioned out, so your point has no merit.
And in a marriage you are suppose to take care of each other's needs, that includes sex. The "Christians" that said you cannot have sex were not even following what the bible says on the subject so that point also doesn't mean anything.
The real meaning of marriage does not support any those things you mentioned out, so your point has no merit.
And in a marriage you are suppose to take care of each other's needs, that includes sex. The "Christians" that said you cannot have sex were not even following what the bible says on the subject so that point also doesn't mean anything.
Except #3 has been true almost universally up until the last century. It can't really be a sign of marital "decay" if it's always been that way. Something can't be worse if it was never better.
Also, have you ever considered the fact that making divorces easier revealed the problems with marriages and didn't create them?
Also, have you ever considered the fact that making divorces easier revealed the problems with marriages and didn't create them?
Well to me this is another thread of baseless ideas. It can go on and on.
It doesn't really matter. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion and regardless of what others say are gonna voice it. They are molded on it and are not gonna change just because a fellow Smogoner disagrees. All these threads end up as baseless debates that scream to be locked. I mean, really, what is the point. Some posters are posting total garbage and reposting it again, and again. Different words, but the same things. Posting back and forth. "Your statement is unfounded and has no reason." Here comes the next one blah, blah. The response: "Thats just silly, blah,blah." And it repeats.
We all know the true purpose of marriage. Just because it may be different in the view of many people doesn't make it different in itself.
Sex, love, marriage, fornication, adultery, dating, casual dating. Everyone has their own take on it. If no one really cares what the other thinks, what the hell are you debating for. If you think they are being foolish then why even respond to foolishness? This thread has already gone 100 miles off topic. lol
Thats my two cents on it. If no points really mean anything to opposite sides. Then...............................
nvm......
bash me. I'm done with this thread.
It doesn't really matter. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion and regardless of what others say are gonna voice it. They are molded on it and are not gonna change just because a fellow Smogoner disagrees. All these threads end up as baseless debates that scream to be locked. I mean, really, what is the point. Some posters are posting total garbage and reposting it again, and again. Different words, but the same things. Posting back and forth. "Your statement is unfounded and has no reason." Here comes the next one blah, blah. The response: "Thats just silly, blah,blah." And it repeats.
We all know the true purpose of marriage. Just because it may be different in the view of many people doesn't make it different in itself.
Sex, love, marriage, fornication, adultery, dating, casual dating. Everyone has their own take on it. If no one really cares what the other thinks, what the hell are you debating for. If you think they are being foolish then why even respond to foolishness? This thread has already gone 100 miles off topic. lol
Thats my two cents on it. If no points really mean anything to opposite sides. Then...............................
nvm......
bash me. I'm done with this thread.
Prince, you cannot have a relationship with two people with incompatible ideas on what a relationship is. Also, words have meanings and definitions. If someone has their own take on murder or theft that doesn't make their acts excusable. Clearly Lonelyness cared and that is why it is being discusses.
Your argument was that "marriage has degraded." That includes everything I discussed. If it was not what you meant, then you should have stated "I think any non-exclusive relationship is bad!!!" and nothing more. Marriage with "true love" and equality is more widespread now than it was a century ago despite the rampant amount of divorces, so your latter argument is drastically wrong as well. You are trying to make up a fairy tale that has no bearing on reality.
My point was the two together, as I think that it could probably be argued "true love" is achievable in a man dominated relationship, but that equality clearly improves the situation, as a "true love" without equality is inherently worth less. One does not need a survey to know that there are more relationships with both now than there were a century ago; past/ancient civilizations rarely granted women any semblance of equality, though it popped up every now and again.
Azure Demon
Guest
Ok
1st. If you don't see a point in it why the hell did you post?
2nd: Lonelyness wanted answers and or opinions rather so it's not really your place to care it was his question on his mind he never asked unless i missed it "huum does this help anyone else" he was asking for our opinions on his problem, not his thread quality.
3rd. Believe it or not my friend these threads that you say "scream to be locked" actually help people.
What you view as stupid someone may view as life changing. Which is why we are all our own person? Because if we were all the same this world would suck.
4. Please keep negative things out because we are actually trying to help someone here.
While I do not personally believe in casual dating, I respect people who do believe in it. Personally, I believe that if you are with a person, and they have dated you at least once, then exclusivity in a relationship should be a given, out of respect for the process. Relationships in my opinion are supposed to be special and unique. If you are just going out with any guy or girl, I don't see how it is special, or how it contributes positively to anything. I know that there are indeed people who believe relationships are ephemeral and predominantly casual, but I do not subscribe to that line of thinking. Finally, I believe that unless the person tells you that they do not want exclusivity, it should be implied and respected. If they don't want to be in a relationship, with just that person, they shouldn't be together. Call me old fashioned, but that's what I believe.
I hope you get a good, faithful women LonleyNess.
I hope you get a good, faithful women LonleyNess.
1 more post in this thread for me. I did not criticize Lonelyness at all. By all means, I know what his intentions were. They were good. He asked for people's on opinions. Not a debate. People turn like every thread into debates in this subforum.
Ur third point: I don't get. Life changing. Be serious. Very few posters have said anything constructive at all. Besides what the last poster said everything else (except maybe? 4 or 5 post) have been either negative or arguments.
You actually believe this is helping someone. It was at first. People were telling how "they" felt. Until people began to Argue against how others felt. Why would you argue against how someone feels about exclusivity?? It's their opinion. Let them be. Thats all I am trying to say. The arguing is taking this thread no where. The repetition isn't either.
Lonelyness asked a simple question. He said "Smogon what do "you" think?" He also said this wasn't an advice thread. Again, what do you mean change someone's life. Do you actually think half the things that are said will affect anyone at all?
We should just post "our" opinions and leave others alone. Everything doesn't have to be a debate. If thats how someone feels about it, thats just how they feel about it.
I would understand if this was life a debate thread. And he said the resolve is exclusivity in relationships. The affirmative team is Jim, Jack,.................
But he didn't.
You cannot disbelieve something existing when it exists.
Whether or not you want to set an arbitrary standard of timing, others certainly have no ability to somehow perceive this (unless it is stated). Furthermore, respect for the process? Sex is dirty, pickup lines are often awful, people hit on women and men who are married, people use and abuse alcohol to get together; this is not some pure, jolly endeavor. It is one that is very often not very romantic at the beginning, at least, if ever.