Grammar-Prose Workshop v6

[rahul_3301]

ok then I'll do one more and try to explain some of the not so obvious changes to make sure i am learning correctly and building my thought process

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Kingambit

Black Glasses + and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these propel Kingambit's offensive pressure; with 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and 1HKOing Walking-Wake along with OHKOing Walking Wake i felt that this sentence was structured weirdly, ig i would ideally break it into 2 but taking the previous suggestion of lateral change i think 'along with' or 'as well as' type bridge words can save it too and, (AC) at +2, (AC) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch. Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in such as Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC) Tusk sets; (ASC) become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense offensive threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite who that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it (is 'hit it' considered casual writing or not. maybe should be 'damage it') (RC); (ASC) and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits would otherwise chip Kingambit before it gets going. yeah this one was interesting, read up on comma lists vs semicolon lists and since this has phrases and its own commas i felt ASC was better. Kingambits Kingambit's offensive potential (this is probably my QC team speaking but elaborate on potential? ig not a GP thing though) and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it a nearly staple near-staple on offensive archetypes from bulky offense to hyper offense while still fitting on balance teams. Physical teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo. Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui can form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists Dark-resistant Pokemon like Zamazenta, (AC) as well as Tera and tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together. okay this one felt like maybe i am overcooking but zama and tera fairy users x AND y, the double 'and' felt weird so separated those.

 

[AceTrainerOrange]

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Kingambit

Black Glasses + Tera Dark should exclusively be used exclusively with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) as these propel Kingambit's offensive pressure (RSC). (AP) With 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing a 2HKO on Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) an on OHKO and 1HKOing Walking-Wake, (AC) and at +2, (AC) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch. Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusks Tusk, become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite, (AC) that who rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it, and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits Kingambit before it gets going. Kingambits Kingambit's potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game nearly make it a nearly staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense, (AC) while still fitting on balance. Physical teammates like Ogerpon-Wellspring Ogerpon-W, Zamazenta, and Swords Dance Iron Valiant can overwhelm shared checks like Zanazenta Zamazenta, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, and Dondozo. Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Samurott-H form a Darkspam Dark-type spam core with Kingambit to overwhelm Dark resists Dark-resistant Pokemon like Zamazenta and Tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together.

Tried another one!

 

[JK]

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Chien-Pao

Chien Pao Chien-Pao appreciates Mandibuzz defogging away hazards to prevent teammates like Mandibuzz, whose Defog prevents it from being worn down by entry hazards (RP) It can also bring Chien Pao in safely using a slow U-Turn, (AC) while its slow U-Turn allows it to bring Chien-Pao in safely. Furthermore, (AC) Mandibuzz is a great switch in switch-in to Fighting Fighting-type attacks from enemies foes like Choice Scarf Sneasler and Choice Scarf Great Tusk, (AC) to which Chien Pao is extremely vulnerable. (AP) to (RC) (I'm not sure whether this constitutes rewording what the author is saying unnecessarily, but the phrasing felt quite clunky as I think it is split into too many sentences) Mandibuzz is also as well as being capable of checking set up setup sweepers like Azumarill or Scizor with Foul Play. In return, Chien-Pao deals with opponents foes like Sandy Shocks or Baxcalibur, (AC) that may who can cause problems for Mandibuzz. Kingambit has impressive offensive synergy with Chien Pao Chien-Pao due to its neutrality to Fairy-type moves, being able its ability to eliminate opponents foes like Hatterene with Iron Head (RC) and Choice Scarf Flutter Mane with Sucker Punch after rocks Stealth Rock. In return, (AC) Chien-Pao Chien Pao hits threats to Kingambit like DD Dragon Dance Dragonite, Iron Treads, Landorus-Therian Landorus-T, (AC) and defensive Gliscor.

 

[adorluigi]

rahul_3301

Kingambit

Black Glasses + and Tera Dark should exclusively be used with Kowtow Cleave

it's okay to use the plus sign to mean "the combination of X and Y"

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in such as Landorus-T and most Great Tusks (RC) Tusk sets

"in" is fine here

(is 'hit it' considered casual writing or not. maybe should be 'damage it')

"hit it" is okay, you're usually concerned about "kill" being used, which you should change to KO or some other variant

Kingambits Kingambit's offensive potential (this is probably my QC team speaking but elaborate on potential? ig not a GP thing though) and defensive utility in the late game late-game make it a nearly staple near-staple on offensive archetypes from bulky offense to hyper offense while still fitting on balance teams

changing nearly to near is correct, but adding the hyphen wasn't, because "near staple" wasn't being used as an adjective: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/parts-of-speech/compound-adjectives/
I think the offensive potential bit is ok here, but it's good to keep a comment like this if you think something's unclear

Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui

regional variants should be written like so: "Hisuian Samurott"

overwhelm Dark resists Dark-resistant Pokemon like Zamazenta, (AC) as well as Tera and tera Fairy users like Gholdemgo Gholdengo and Moltres together. okay this one felt like maybe i am overcooking but zama and tera fairy users x AND y, the double 'and' felt weird so separated those.

re: comment
this is ok, it should be clear to readers that gholdengo and moltres are the tera fairy users because it's a two item list (Zamazenta + Tera Fairy users)

AceTrainerOrange

also Kingambit

Black Glasses + Tera Dark should exclusively be used exclusively with Kowtow Cleave

no need to move the exclusively here, it's fine as is

With 5 five Supreme Overlord boosts, Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing a 2HKO on Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave, (AC) an on OHKO and 1HKOing Walking-Wake, (AC) and at +2, (AC) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch

there was no need to rephrase the sentence structure (2HKOing => a 2HKO on), and you kept Dragonite without a verb and separated it from Walking Wake's verb
the sentence reads like so:
Kingambit can reach feats like a 2HKO on Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave, an OHKO on Walking Wake, (missing verb) Dragonite through Multiscale with Sucker Punch

one solution is: "Kingambit can reach feats like 2HKOing Dondozo with Kowtow Cleave and OHKOing Walking Wake and, at +2, Dragonite with Sucker Punch"
keep note, I kept the "at +2" within the commas like that and left the "and" outside

also, "Walking-Wake" should not have a hyphen

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusks Tusk

good change to remove the s in "Great Tusks" but you should do "Great Tusk sets"

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to setup set up on would be would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusks Tusk, become a sturdy switch in switch-in to offense threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite, (AC) that who rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it, and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits Kingambit before it gets going.

throughout this sentence, there are a lot of commas; the list that shows what Air Balloon lets Kingambit do, and the list within the "sturdy switch-in" part
to avoid confusion in such cases, you can turn the commas from the primary list into semicolons, like so

Spoiler

Air Balloon allows Kingambit to set up on would-be checks in Landorus-T and most Great Tusk sets; become a sturdy switch-in to offensive threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite that rely on their Ground-type coverage to hit it; and gain an immunity to Spikes, which limits Kingambit before it gets going.

two more things:

offense threats like Kyurem, Roaring Moon, and Dragonite, (AC) that who rely on their Ground-type

good change here turning "who" into "that", but you don't add a comma for "that", only for "which"

and gain an immunity to Spikes that limits Kingambit before it gets going

this "that" should be "which". the reason is that we're talking about Spikes specifically, not a type of Spikes that limits Kingambit.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/that_vs_which.html

Kingambits Kingambit's potential and defensive utility in the late game late-game nearly make it a nearly staple on offensive archetypes from bulky to hyper offense, (AC) while still fitting on balance.

it should be "make it a near staple", rewording to "nearly a staple" changes the meaning slightly
when "while" means at the same time, no need for a comma, but when "while" means "whereas", it needs a comma, so this comma was not right

Dark Type Dark-type offensive threat threats in Darkrai (RC) and Samurott-Hisui Samurott-H

regional variants should be written like so: "Hisuian Samurott"

 

[Licholas]

look at that edit history lmao—good thing I'm queued up after JK's Chien-Pao

Just the salt

remove add comment ("look" for an easy-to-miss letter, "punc" for punctuation)

Thanks to Tidy Up, punc Cinccino is the main enabler of look: hyper offense teams, letting them run many powerful hazard-weak punc Pokemon such as Oricorio-Pa'u, Arcanine, and Alolan Ninetales-Alola. Knock Off lets Cinccino it hit look: Ghost-types like Chandelure, punc (as well as Bronzong, an otherwise problematic wall). punc (There are not that many great solutions which keep your voice, not when you say "things like this single thing, comma aside, comma aside.") Encore allows it Cincinno (misspelled) to capitalize on passive foes that setup set up hazards, boost their stats, or heal up, punc such as Gligar, Registeel, and Sylveon. Teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, punc and Scyther can work alongside Cinccino it to overwhelm shared Steel-type checks like Copperajah and Bronzong; punc however, punc Fires Fire- and Fighting-types such as like Chandelure, Tauros-Paldea-Aqua Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross, punc that which easily beat these same Steel-types, punc work as well. (As you acknowledge by using "that", not every Fire- and Fighting-type easily beats these two—hence "like", which helps "which", which helps this fairly messy sentence.) Grassy Terrain teams also heavily benefit from Cinccinos ("Cinccino's": punc) its presence, since it lets Oricorio forms, (formes) Grafaiai, and Arcanine switch-in switch in without having to take chip damage from entry hazards.

The forbidden spices

Salt is an essential nutrient, so it is now incorporated as the baseline. The following has not been approved for patients with acid reflux; before any major change to your diet, consult with your God and your primary care physician.

You did quite well to keep the emphasis on its teammates and targets.

Thanks to Tidy Up, This was a quick "Thanks to"; however, imagine that Cinccino had six different traits to thank for its role, and you—the reader—had to hear about them all before you could even get to the information that you are actually here for. Cinccino is the main enabler of hyper offense teams: punc thanks to its Tidy Up, letting look: they (can) run many powerful hazard-weak Pokemon such as Oricorio-P, Arcanine, and Alolan Ninetales. Cut the yellow parentheses (whether or not you keep "can"). On Grassy Terrain teams, punc also heavily benefit from its presence, since it lets Oricorio, Grafaiai, and Arcanine also heavily benefit switch in without having to take chip damage from entry hazards. You are dancing around the point. three reasons for bringing this sentence from below: shows repeated examples (got more?), connects all mention of Tidy Up, and connects all mention of team building to your focus on its role as an enabler (which is not accomplished by its other moves) Its Knock Off lets it look: hits Ghost-types like Chandelure (as well as Bronzong, an otherwise problematic wall), punc and its Encore allows it to look: capitalizes on passive foes that set up hazards, boost their stats, or heal up, such as Gligar, Registeel, and Sylveon. These separate sentences are expressing a single idea: what its coverage moves do. Alongside teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, and Scyther, punc can work alongside it to it can overwhelm shared Steel-type checks like Copperajah and Bronzong; however, it can also work with the likes of Fire- and Fighting-types like Chandelure, Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross, which easily beat these same Steel-types, work as well. Try to focus on the subject of analysis, not (in this case) on its teammates. You are saying, "...these three teammates work as well (they are these types that easily beat these Pokémon)." Beyond warping this sentence to a remarkable degree, that stuff simply goes without saying, because the audience plays the game.

[insert compliment]

 

[autumn]

JK

Chien-Pao

Chien Pao Chien-Pao appreciates Mandibuzz defogging away hazards to prevent teammates like Mandibuzz, whose Defog prevents it from being worn down by entry hazards (RP) It can also bring Chien Pao in safely using a slow U-Turn, (AC) while its slow U-Turn allows it to bring Chien-Pao in safely.

There isn't anything wrong with saying Mandibuzz directly; it doesn't need to be changed into a 'teammates like' if the writer has chosen to write a sentence about just one thing. For a more extreme example, a phrase like 'teammates like Gholdengo can block Defog with Good as Gold' makes no sense because there's only one Pokemon that can do that, and saying 'teammates like x' implies that there are multiple examples that fit. As a general note, GP wants to presere as much of the original writing as possible, so if you're changing something that's correct then you need a strong justification to avoid a lateral change.

With your change, the 'it' becomes ambiguous. The first one is referring to Chien-Pao, but the next two uses refer to Mandibuzz in that new while section. When you use 'it' in a sentence, you want that pronoun to refer to the same thing each time to avoid ambiguity; this wouldn't be an issue in the original structure because it was two separate sentences with two separate subjects.

The t in 'U-turn' isn't capitalised; moves / items / abilities follow the way they're written on PS.

Mandibuzz is a great switch in switch-in to Fighting Fighting-type attacks from enemies foes like Choice Scarf Sneasler and Choice Scarf Great Tusk, (AC) to which Chien Pao is extremely vulnerable.

Chien-Pao should have a hyphen here as well. As a general tip, if a writer makes the same mistake more than once in an analysis, you can use ctrl + f for the error to make sure you've changed them all. The beginner notes doc additionally has a list of words that you can ctrl + f for on every analysis to ensure consistency.

setup sweepers like Azumarill or Scizor

The 'or' should be an 'and' here. The word 'or' is used to show singular things (so only one thing). The word 'and' is used to show plural things (so more than one).

• 'x and y' is plural, while 'x or y' is singular.
• If you're referring to multiple things (teammates, threats, foes etc) then you need to use 'and' in lists of examples to ensure grammatical agreement. If you're talking about one thing (a teammate, a threat, a foe etc) then you need to use 'or.'
  • In a list of examples, you need to look for two things:

1. The subject of what the examples are (so something like threats, teammates, foes etc- what the list items are examples of)
2. The word used to separate the list items (either 'and' or 'or')

• You need the 1 and 2 to agree grammatically.
  • If 1 is plural, then 2 needs to be 'and'. The word 'and' is plural as well, so there's agreement
  • If 1 is singular (so if it said 'a foe' instead of 'foes'), then 2 needs to be 'or'. The word 'or' is singular as well, so there's agreement.
  • If 1 is plural and 2 is singular / 1 is singular and 2 is plural, there isn't agreement, and the sentence is incorrect.
• In an example like ‘Volcarona can set up on foes (1) like Corviknight or (2) Skarmory, you can see the 1 and 2 points highlighted. There isn’t agreement here because 1 is plural (foes), whereas 2 is singular (or).
• It is best to change 2 rather than 1 because the writer can intentionally make that part singular or plural depending on context / metagame information.

In this sentence, the subject is 'setup sweepers'. You know that this is plural because sweepers = more than one sweeper. Therefore, the list needs to be plural too, and you can do that by replacing 'or' with 'and'.

foes like Sandy Shocks or Baxcalibur

The same rule applies here. Foes = plural, so 'or' isn't correct because it's singular.

In return, Chien-Pao deals with opponents foes like Sandy Shocks or Baxcalibur, (AC) that may who can cause problems for Mandibuzz.

You don't need to add a comma before 'that' as a clause; this rule only applies to 'which'.

 

[autumn]

Licholas

Cinccino

As a general note, the 'punc' comment isn't the most helpful for marking on changes. It does alert a writer that one is there, but it still means tey need to be able to see what punctuation is being added/removed and what colour you've used. The GP fromatting tool's AC/RC/AP/RP comments handle that differentiation automatically, so I would highly recommend using the tool directly to format and not copying its outputs manually. Here is a guide for how to use the tool.

Cinccino is the main enabler of look: hyper offense teams

Keep in mind that comments are directly addressed to writers; they should have either a question to be answered or a clear action point to make, and just saying 'look' isn't going to be clear to them. Later on, leaving acomments saying 'there aren't many great solutions to this' or 'messy sentence' similarly isn't constructive and can come off as rude to a writer.

letting them run many powerful hazard-weak

The first mention of 'hazards' per paragraph should be 'entry hazards'l after that, you can just say hazards on its own.

Knock Off lets Cinccino it hit look: Ghost-types like Chandelure, punc (as well as Bronzong, an otherwise problematic wall). punc (There are not that many great solutions which keep your voice, not when you say "things like this single thing, comma aside, comma aside.") Encore allows it Cincinno (misspelled) to capitalize on passive foes that setup set up hazards, boost their stats, or heal up, punc such as Gligar, Registeel, and Sylveon. Teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, punc and Scyther can work alongside Cinccino it to overwhelm shared Steel-type checks like Copperajah and Bronzong

Across this part, you've changed Cinccino -> it in each sentence, so now the section is just a flood of pronouns, with the direct link to the subject being 4 sentences old by the end. It's good to reintroduce the subject after every 1-2 sentences to make sure that it remains in focus throughout.

however, punc Fires Fire- and Fighting-types such as like Chandelure, Tauros-Paldea-Aqua Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross, punc that which easily beat these same Steel-types, punc work as well. (As you acknowledge by using "that", not every Fire- and Fighting-type easily beats these two—hence "like", which helps "which", which helps this fairly messy sentence.)

Both 'like' and 'such as' are ways to introduce a list of examples; one isn't restrictive and the other non-restrictive in the same way 'which' and 'that' are. Keeping the 'that' makes the point that it's not every example, whereas a 'like' to introduce the list followed by a non-restrictive 'which' still implies that the 'which' clause is non-essential (which isn't the case). The original sentence conveyed what it aimed to do, and these changes both make that more ambiguous and impact voice.

Grassy Terrain teams also heavily benefit from Cinccinos ("Cinccino's": punc) its presence, since it lets Oricorio forms, (formes) Grafaiai, and Arcanine switch-in switch in without having to take chip damage from entry hazards.

By changing that first it -> Cinccino, the sentence now uses 'it' to mean Cinccino in the first instance and Grassy Terrain in the second, creating ambiguity. When you use 'it' in a sentence, you want that pronoun to refer to the same thing each time to avoid ambiguity; this wouldn't be an issue in the original structure because it was two separate sentences with two separate subjects.

since it lets Oricorio forms, (formes)

This notation also isn't clear for a writer because you've removed the incorrect word but listed the correction as a comment instead of an addition, so there's not a clear action point. A writer wouldn't know whether to make the change or not because you haven't made it but you've still corrected it. Just 'Oricorio' on its own isn't correct because each forme has a name; there's no base one that doesn't have an additional letter, so the correct fix was to take that out of a comment and into an addition.

Extra Comments

Thanks to Tidy Up, This was a quick "Thanks to"; however, imagine that Cinccino had six different traits to thank for its role, and you—the reader—had to hear about them all before you could even get to the information that you are actually here for.

This is a hypothetical. Yes, if there was a big list of 6 things as a 'thanks to', you could justify the change to make it clearer, but that's not what's here. There's only one here with no impact on clarity, so you can't really justify a change saying 'if it was something else then you'd change it so change this too'. You want to evaluate writing based on what's there and not what could be there.

look: they (can) run many powerful hazard-weak Pokemon such as Oricorio-P, Arcanine, and Alolan Ninetales. Cut the yellow parentheses (whether or not you keep "can").

The difference between 'can' and 'do' is notable; if something can run something, then it could or could not do it. If it does, then it always does. Writers make that distinction based on metagame knowledge, so as GP we can't come in and say 'let's stop this from being an absolute because it reads better'. The only time you'd want to address 'can' is if it's used in every single sentence (repetition justification) or it's 'it can use U-turn and can pivot out' where you can remove the second one.

On Grassy Terrain teams, punc also heavily benefit from its presence, since it lets Oricorio, Grafaiai, and Arcanine also heavily benefit switch in without having to take chip damage from entry hazards. You are dancing around the point. three reasons for bringing this sentence from below: shows repeated examples (got more?), connects all mention of Tidy Up, and connects all mention of team building to your focus on its role as an enabler (which is not accomplished by its other moves)

Teammates sections are separated from the move sections by design of the format. It means that a reader can go onto a page and easily find move information at the top and teammate information at the bottom. If we break that order, then someone coming in to understand move 3 has a lot more looking to do. There is no consensus around change of formats yet, so making a change that breaks that single consistent message that I mentioned and will confuse writers.

Alongside teammates like Diancie, Toxtricity, and Scyther, punc can work alongside it to it can overwhelm shared Steel-type checks like Copperajah and Bronzong; however, it can also work with the likes of Fire- and Fighting-types like Chandelure, Paldean Tauros-W, and Heracross, which easily beat these same Steel-types, work as well. Try to focus on the subject of analysis, not (in this case) on its teammates. You are saying, "...these three teammates work as well (they are these types that easily beat these Pokémon)." Beyond warping this sentence to a remarkable degree, that stuff simply goes without saying, because the audience plays the game.

This big change exacerbates the 'it' issue I mentioned in the main check. You're now alking about a lot of different Pokemon, but you're still using 'it' as a pronoun to refer to Cinccino, which was established so far up the page that it's easy for someone to get lost.

There is no rule about focusing on the subject of the analysis in every single sentence; this is not a standard you need to follow, and it makes writing more rigid because a sentence can be clearer when you're talking about a move or a teammate directly rather than indirectly. Teammates are crucial to the game, and their synergy and role is crucial to Cinccino's analysis, so it's fine to convey that in a sentence without a direct name drop / Cinccino as the subject.

Changing a direct mention of types to 'the likes of' takes the content of the analysis from explicit to implied. This is a content decision, so it's not within GP's scope to say that someone is being too explicit or not because 'the likes of' is more vague. It could refer to wallbreakers or something completely different when the writer is trying to specifically get at type synergy. It's not our decision to make something less explicit.