Serious LGBTQ

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Outlaw - that's such an obtuse outlook. a lot of behaviors are informed by racist/homophobic/fatphobic/transphobic etc. systems. no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to sleep anyone. people are however allowed to critique and make known these very behaviors and dominant ideologies because, hey, they're shitty!! if you 'prefer' dating white people, that's your prerogative - but you can't think that these preferences are isolated from hegemonic cultural norms.
You know what's -really- shitty? Harassing a person into committing suicide for having a preference that literally affected no one but herself and thinking it's justified.

Attraction isn't controllable. What one finds pretty is rarely going to be the same for all. People have types, they have preferences, they're attracted to whatever is their fancy and they aren't racist/homophic/fatphobic/transphobic/whateverphobic for having them. It's just what they like.
 
23 and fucking afraid of coming out to my friends/relatives.

specially friends. im mostly really close to a lot of straight guys (most of them are co-workers) and im super scared of them cutting me off if i eventually do come out to them, specially one of my closest co-workers, who i absolutely fucking love as a friend (i dont even like the guy romatically speaking). ive been wanting to come out to my family and friends but the constant fear of isolation/rejection has been stopping me from doing so, and the fact that i live in a city in which being gay isnt really common and theres still constant homophobia through and through doesnt help either. *sigh*
update

decided to come out to my closest co-worker today, since hes the one i trust the most at the moment. super positive response, didnt give a fuck about who i was, and the first time in my life that i truly saw that somebody cared for me in the slightest.

after the response, i decided to come out to my dad who was the one who i had hoped would accepted. the response was shitty. basically told me to not tell anybody because my family isnt ready for this shock, said he was super porud of me in a tone that suggested he was actually not very proud of me and i could tell he was super frustrated. so basically this fucked our relationship, even though it might not seem like it now.

i was planning on telling one other friend tomorrow but after that response i dont know what the fuck to do.
 
okay so, i'm not trying to be bigoted at ALL, okay? i just think we really need to rethink some things about this whole children gender autonomy argument. so like, i totally support the rights of children to identify with their assigned gender, but i don't think it's something to rush into!! if a child with a vagina is like, yea, you got it, i'm a girl, cool! but how can we trust them? they're only children, after all. we need some serious controls put in place for these decisions, because i'm worried it's becoming the 'edgy' thing to do to have cis kids. i hope you parents all realize that puberty is permanent, you know? you don't have to be another cis-horror story.
 

ehT

:dog:
is a Contributor to Smogon
I wrote a thing.
Love, both as a concept and as an experience, has always been elusive to me. And as a trans woman who's only figured herself out this past year or so, I've really only started to understand it now. I spent the first 20 years of my life always a couple steps removed from reality, like I lived in a fishbowl, watching life happen to someone else. I couldn't comprehend love because I only ever imagined it happening to this grotesque facsimile of a person I had to parade around every day and pass off as human. Falling in love with that would've been like falling in love with a scarecrow.

I'm not sure about having to be taught love, but I sure do understand mistaking love for something else. I managed to find love during that time, but I only know that through hindsight. Even though she pierced the veil of my delusions and gave life to my starving soul, I could only understand it through the lens of who I thought I was, a gay guy. Obviously, that was all she could see, too. No one had any reason to believe otherwise (If I were to explain how I figured out I wasn't a gay guy but a gay girl we'd be here all day). Neither of us knew what we felt, because ironically, we thought seeing each other as anything more than friends would be a betrayal of who I was.

All of this was years ago, and we've long since moved on, but I think a lot about what would've become of us if I was somehow ready to face my true self then, if only because it's my one frame of reference for what love is like. That confused, angsty, codependent mess of a... friendship, I'll call it... is my only real insight into what it'd be like to experience love as the woman I am now. I'm far more mature now than I was then—I've learned a bit about self-care, I know the definition of the word "boundaries", and I have a bit more self-respect—but I still can't comprehend what it'd be like to have lasting, intimate, romantic love be part of my everyday life, to have that life-giving presence simply be part of the scenery. It's only ever been fleeting.

I know the touch of another woman's soul would help soothe many of the gaping wounds in my own, but past that, I don't think about it. I think more about what it'd be like to love me, an anxious, terrified debbie downer who isn't so much engaged in life as she is invested in things getting good later down the line. I worry about whether or not it's fair to let someone love me in my current state. It sounds draining. Love is patient, but I have so many issues to sort through between now and when I'm my healthiest, most ideal self that I think it'd honestly be cruel of me to go into a relationship with that much baggage.
I don't know.
It sure as shit would help, though.
 
Zentrius you dont have to force it, just wait for the right time to say it and play it cool, theres no reason to be tragic.. if you say it like if you were confessing something bad, you are predisposing their bad reaction
dw about your parents you are not alone (my mom's reaction was a fucking disaster lmao) they will accept you with time, just act normal, be yourself, be genuine, this is ur only life and it would be a pitty if u lived it without love, there will always be people judging u, life itself is full of dissapointments but its on u to not let it affect u
 
Hello everyone! I'm a lurker on this forum for a few years now and I've read a large amount of the messages in this thread, and I must say that some stories here really helped me in my life. That's why I wanted to share my current situation.

I'm a male high school student and I found out that I'm gay like 2 years ago. I was a really introvert guy back then (I still am) and I cared a lot about what people thought. When I was in the process of accepting myself, my class was filled with bullies who used the word 'gay' a lot in a bad way. This made accepting myself really hard and I started dating a girl just to try to stop thinking that I'm gay. Of course this didn't work out at all and beside breaking a girl's heart, nothing changed.

The process of accepting myself isn't 100% over as sometimes I still think it's going to influence my live in a bad way. But generally I'm pretty happy with how life's going. I recently came out to some friends and my mom, with only positive reactions. However, it feels like I'm stuck at this point.

Before coming out to the rest aka being open to anyone about being gay, I feel like I have to accept myself for 100%. The only problem is that I have no idea how. I think having a serious relationship with a guy could really help, but I don't know any gay guys in my area which makes it feel impossible to get a boyfriend here. But what other option do I have? Dating online?

Like I already said, I have no clue what to do now. If anyone has experienced something similar, I would love to hear your story.
 
Boy oh boy, I can’t wait until the day where my making a joke about being trans in any public space doesn’t escalate into me having to cite 60 different resources to defend/prove the fact that yes, being trans is a thing and I am indeed warranted respect. I just want to joke about how Ayn Rand can suck my future dick or saw a choice chance for a pun. Sometimes I just forget that the fact that I was born with a mismatched brain and body means I have to defend my existence and dignity at every turn. Sigh.

Among the worst have been "TERFs," trans-exclusionary radical feminists. You’d expect the typical Christian fundamentalist rejection, alt-right hate, but wait, a feminist group who hates a vulnerable minority? Yup, they’re real and their pseudointellectual power trips terrify the hell out of me. Honestly I’ve had a lot of friends who weren’t super knowledgeable regarding terminology and stuff but were like "you go dude, do what makes you happy" and then we’d make good (lack of and/or future) dick jokes and they’d get to understand my situation, but then you have these creepy ladies who somehow think anyone who’s been touched by male levels of testosterone in their lives is some kind of monster. :/ My aunt, one of my only decent biological relatives, is friends with one and shares a lot of her ideals, and I no longer contact her because I know she’d just tell me I’m a confused tomboy who needs to try "accepting myself." God, I’ve tried. You think I’ve decided to be a trans person and face hella medical expenses and societal discrimination for the kicks? I’m transitioning because it’s literally the best thing for me and I have been so much happier since I started. I tried to be a girl. It just isn’t what I’m wired for.

I wish being trans didn’t have to come with all this bullshit baggage. I know it’s kind of a difficult thing to understand, as opposed to being gay/bisexual, but so many people just immediately think they’re medical experts when it comes to us, that they somehow "know" what’s best for us. I just want to be a normal guy who sometimes makes choice jokes at his current lack of dick.
 
so i've been stressing about this a lot for just over two weeks now and im still worrying about it and really confused. i mean i guess i've always had some mild conflicts about gender identity since i was like 13 or so but it hasnt really been bothering me too much for the past two or three years. for whatever reason this issue just randomly came up two weeks ago and i haven't been able to forget about it since.

i dont really have many answers and im pretty confused about this, but i think that coming out as transgender (even though im not even entirely sure if thats true) on smogon and ps could help calm me down a lot and give me a little more clarity, and i think it could be nice to 'test the waters' a little

maybe this is really impulsive but i just felt like i really had to do something

tl;dr: trans female
 
I'm not ready to post my own story here yet, but I've come to realize that Smogon has a strong LGBT+ userbase, yet we don't have any resources to support and come together as a group (outside of things like this thread).

An LGBT PS room isn't possible right now, so I'd like to help organize a new Discord for us. I've talked around to some other LGBT users here and they for the most part agree that it would be a nice thing to have. I don't have any experience with managing Discord servers, so if there's anyone who'd like to help build it up with me, and help make it a ready community for us all, please respond here or PM me :)

If you'd like to be added to it/notified for it's eventual release, 'like' this and I'll pm everyone once that's set. For now, I just wanted to throw this idea out there, as I'm certain there are experienced users who would be more than happy to help me make this happen!!! I'm excited for this <3

In the meantime I'll be in contact with those I know of in the community whose contribution I believe to be invaluable in this.

~ Aurella <3



EDIT: The Discord is live, but is currently in a private beta state while it continues to be organized for the greater public. If you'd like to join just as a user to watch and participate in that process, and boost morale in the user list length, feel free to PM your Discord and I'll invite you. Since I'm also looking for Staff atm (several qualified people have already put forward interest), please don't feel shy about coming to me about that either!

We have some straight allies who are on the staff list, so don't feel shy or left out. The main purpose of this is to foster socialization, friendship and support. The LGBT aspect is secondary to this main purpose (which I believe addresses some of the main concerns posted in earlier pages of this thread).

ALSO, if you DM me, and if you feel comfortable doing so, please include your preferred pronouns and how you identify on the LGBT +spectrum (feel free to explain if you are just an ally too), it'll be relevant for some roles I'm creating, but mostly it's so I'm aware of everyone's background and can help facilitate respect between everyone, and be an individual who can do their best to help.
 
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how do y'all deal with straight crushes? ive been crushing real hard on one of my co-workers and its been the first time in my life that ive felt a romantic attraction to anybody ever and it feels super weird and awkward. it doesnt help that hes about to get married as well lol. i really dont want to cut him off completely because i truly do love him as a friend and it'll suck real bad if i do.
 
how do y'all deal with straight crushes? ive been crushing real hard on one of my co-workers and its been the first time in my life that ive felt a romantic attraction to anybody ever and it feels super weird and awkward. it doesnt help that hes about to get married as well lol. i really dont want to cut him off completely because i truly do love him as a friend and it'll suck real bad if i do.
Hm, I'm not sure, but maybe, it might help a bit if you try to stop thinking about a potential future or how wonderful it would be if he or you were to do the kind of stuff you would like.. Because the less you think a bout it, the easier it should be to let go.^^ That is if you're daydreaming.
Do you think talking to him about your feelings might help? Speaking from experience, you might feel much, much better and free, and whatever comes you are prepared.
 
UPDATE ON LGBT SERVER: we've just about concluded our beta period, we've been running about two months as we worked to settle our moderation team and social atmosphere first, everyone else is more than welcomed to check it out! Please DM me for an invite link!
 
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so i've been stressing about this a lot for just over two weeks now and im still worrying about it and really confused. i mean i guess i've always had some mild conflicts about gender identity since i was like 13 or so but it hasnt really been bothering me too much for the past two or three years. for whatever reason this issue just randomly came up two weeks ago and i haven't been able to forget about it since.

i dont really have many answers and im pretty confused about this, but i think that coming out as transgender (even though im not even entirely sure if thats true) on smogon and ps could help calm me down a lot and give me a little more clarity, and i think it could be nice to 'test the waters' a little

maybe this is really impulsive but i just felt like i really had to do something

tl;dr: trans female
coming out on smogon/ps is probably a good start, especially on this thread. i know i haven't posted at all on this forum yet, but i've read through it and it makes me really happy to see how awesome and supportive the community here is. i can almost guarantee that coming out to a supportive community will help you feel better about whatever gender issues you're going through (i felt like a million times better after coming out as bisexual to my friends, and even though sexuality and gender are obviously different things, the coming-out process is largely the same), and it's okay if you haven't figured everything out yet.

remember, you can always go back and change your identity if you realize that "transgender" might not be the right term for you - for instance, you might realize that you're nonbinary or something. anyway, best of luck figuring things out! (it'll probably take more than just a couple of weeks)


EDIT: also, i'm curious about opinions regarding lgbt+ athletes, like the ones who competed in pyeongchang this past olympics (adam rippon, gus kenworthy, brittany bowe, ireen wust, etc.). as an athlete myself, it was a really encouraging experience to see these athletes breaking the stereotype that people (especially males) in the lgbt+ community are somehow weaker than their straight counterparts, and showed that sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with athletic ability.
 
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coming out on smogon/ps is probably a good start, especially on this thread. i know i haven't posted at all on this forum yet, but i've read through it and it makes me really happy to see how awesome and supportive the community here is. i can almost guarantee that coming out to a supportive community will help you feel better about whatever gender issues you're going through (i felt like a million times better after coming out as bisexual to my friends, and even though sexuality and gender are obviously different things, the coming-out process is largely the same), and it's okay if you haven't figured everything out yet.

remember, you can always go back and change your identity if you realize that "transgender" might not be the right term for you - for instance, you might realize that you're nonbinary or something. anyway, best of luck figuring things out! (it'll probably take more than just a couple of weeks)
yeah even though it hasn't even been 2 months since this post, being out on smogon/ps really has helped clear up a lot of the doubt i had. tbh the dysphoria/anxiety got a lot worse for a bit but i think i might finally be starting to calm down a little. since then i've been pondering this a lot every day, and a few more memories have resurfaced. i'm now pretty much certain that i am in fact trans and i'm just shocked i was able to realise this all so quickly. i'm still completely unsure whether it would be a good idea to actually come out or start transition or w/e but i know that's a long way away so i'm not worrying about it. i'm aware this sort of thing takes a long time to figure out so i'm really happy with what i've done so far.

anyway i'm just posting this to say that my heads a lot clearer now and i'm glad i came out on smogon. thanks for everyone's support :]
 

Nalei

girl oo
is a Pre-Contributor
EDIT: also, i'm curious about opinions regarding lgbt+ athletes, like the ones who competed in pyeongchang this past olympics (adam rippon, gus kenworthy, brittany bowe, ireen wust, etc.). as an athlete myself, it was a really encouraging experience to see these athletes breaking the stereotype that people (especially males) in the lgbt+ community are somehow weaker than their straight counterparts, and showed that sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with athletic ability.
Queer athletes... Good topic.
I'm a bisexual football player and wrestler. It never had occurred to me that there was a stereotype that queer people are weaker than straight people. If anything, the stereotypes that I'd picked up on were body-conscious gay guys and gym-rat lesbians. That said, I can say from personal testimony that it sucks to be anything but straight and cisgender if your sports teams are anything like mine. Although my general community is welcoming, the football and wrestling teams are overwhelmingly homophobic. While language like "edit: This word turned into a message asking for me to be banned. You know what word I'm talking about." isn't rampant, gay orientation/people are constantly the butts of jokes. Given the general acceptingness of my school combined with that I'm out to my parents, you'd think that coming out wouldn't be a problem, and if I wasn't a football player or wrestler, you'd be right. But, as I am, coming out is practically a non-option. The only openly gay person we had on either team was a lesbian (incidentally also the only female), and she even quit this year. It's a big problem for me and people like me. It's also hard to judge if the majority of the teams even are homophobic - it's entirely possible that a silent majority is present, but even if there was, for fear of condemnation by the vocal minority, they probably wouldn't stand up for me. It just sucks. If I do come out in high school, I think it'd be in my senior year - who in their right mind is going to pick on the 220 pound wrestler? Yeah, fucking nobody rof
 
Queer athletes... Good topic.
I'm a bisexual football player and wrestler. It never had occurred to me that there was a stereotype that queer people are weaker than straight people. If anything, the stereotypes that I'd picked up on were body-conscious gay guys and gym-rat lesbians. That said, I can say from personal testimony that it sucks to be anything but straight and cisgender if your sports teams are anything like mine. Although my general community is welcoming, the football and wrestling teams are overwhelmingly homophobic. While language like "edit: This word turned into a message asking for me to be banned. You know what word I'm talking about." isn't rampant, gay orientation/people are constantly the butts of jokes. Given the general acceptingness of my school combined with that I'm out to my parents, you'd think that coming out wouldn't be a problem, and if I wasn't a football player or wrestler, you'd be right. But, as I am, coming out is practically a non-option. The only openly gay person we had on either team was a lesbian (incidentally also the only female), and she even quit this year. It's a big problem for me and people like me. It's also hard to judge if the majority of the teams even are homophobic - it's entirely possible that a silent majority is present, but even if there was, for fear of condemnation by the vocal minority, they probably wouldn't stand up for me. It just sucks. If I do come out in high school, I think it'd be in my senior year - who in their right mind is going to pick on the 220 pound wrestler? Yeah, fucking nobody rof
(bisexual male swimmer here) funny thing is i'm actually currently doing a research paper in my english class about lgbt+ culture (it's actually about gatsby but i get to write about an article we read claiming that nick carraway is super gay) and how a man is instantly perceived as more "feminine" (e.g. more emotionally vulnerable, less athletic, etc.) if he comes out as queer (super interesting stuff). yes, the body-consciousness is a serious problem in specifically queer male culture to the point where gay men will literally take anabolic steroids for a better body, but that's actually mostly because he doesn't want to be perceived as feminine.

sorry about the situation on your team - i can't really come out to my swim team either (it's not because of teammates; more specifically because of homophobic parents...), but in situations like that it's important to remember that we're ultimately defined by more than just our sexualities. also, if you do ever decide to come out to anyone on your team, i would suggest finding one trusted friend and coming out to them first (make sure you really trust them so that they can keep it a secret) and then gradually letting other people know as you feel ready.
 
My only thoughts towards Queer athletes is the annoyance I have whenever one comes out, and the right-wing echo chamber screams out "not a big deal, whoopy-de-doo!"


I feel like it's still not really understood ,the impact it has when public figures come out of the closet to live as their authentic selves, and what that means to other queer ppl in the country (especially youths and young adults).

One thing that was brought up in my LGBT server once was that you're never just coming out 'once', your life becomes a series of coming outs, constantly making calculations of everyone you meet and know about who you can trust with that personal detail about yourself, forever holding an emotional reservation within yourself until you know you can trust that person. That's why the impact of a larger "coming out" has a deeper feeling and weight to it.
 
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