Social LGBTQIA+

[Robyn]

these r all rly great suggestions of active steps ppl can take to be better prepared to defend themselves in the event of a physical altercation - i carry pepper spray regularly, not just because I'm queer but mainly because I'm a woman - but i also think there's a lot of value in pointing out the many passive steps and behavioral changes that can help to avoid physical altercations altogether. I'm always surprised when i talk to younger queers and they don't already have a basic awareness of the great many small tips and tricks for women's self defense that could really save them a lot of trouble. the unfortunate reality is that this is a violent and sometimes hateful world, especially for women, queer people, and people of color, and the more of those you are, the more danger you're in.

don't walk alone at night if you can avoid it, especially in busy, urban areas, and if you can't avoid it, tell a trusted friend where you are going, when, and ask them to check up with you to make sure you got there safely. When you're out shopping or somewhere you've driven to, especially at night, try to park closer to the entrance, or near a security camera. when walking through parking lots or garages, or anywhere you may feel in danger, if you don't have a weapon available a car key can theoretically suffice, but be sure to aim for soft spots - there's one obvious one that works generally quite well - to avoid simply breaking your own hand. always lock your car, and also check the back seats of your car before you get in. be aware of strangers - especially of men - who may be following you or watching you a little too closely, and know where your exits are so that you can calmly make an escape if it is needed. Worried someone might be following you in a car? If you take four right turns in a row and they're still behind you, then you know they are. Worried someone might be following you on foot? Try to find a person or group of people who you would be safe with, and subtly and calmly indicate what is going on, or if that's not possible, you can always fake a phone call (or actually call a friend) so that the would-be assailant feels a little less unwitnessed. on the street, especially at night, never be afraid to cross to the other side to avoid walking past or through a group that might give you trouble, or an individual who seems suspicious. in a bar or other loud, crowded, indoor environment, watch your drink, and if you've gone alone, think about carrying an SOS note (an "angel drink") to pass to a bartender or other trustworthy stranger if you feel you might be in trouble. in general, especially for women, you're better off trusting other women when it comes to strangers - its an unfortunate reality of life, but most women will also know what to do if you need help. This may all seem like a lot to learn, remember, and do, but that's kind of my point - there's so much that you can do to avoid ever getting into trouble at all, before we need to start thinking about what weapons to have in the event of a fight, and after a while of doing these things actively, it sort of becomes like muscle memory anyway! You grow a dangersense with time.

stay safe out there! as said before, nobody wins in a knife fight.

 

[Bella]

i find the best way to survive a physical altercation is to incapasitate the assailent in some way, and then running away. this can either be done with a blow to the leg, or by inflicting as much pain as possible on the assailent so that they keel over in pain. if you dont feel like you can outrun them, but do think you could overpower them, restrain them instead. keep in mind i have never gotten into an actual fight, so these are just hypotheticals. if you cant get ahold of a gun, or are against the idea of owning one, try carrying an item that looks like a gun with you. paintball pistols, for example. these also have the added benifit of being able to blind the asailent. make loud noises, to alert other people. and while i dont like the idea of taking a life, it may come down to you or them. in that scenario, aim for the neck. i recomend this only as a last resort, not just because killing is wrong, but also because it will give the authorities an excuse to arrest you. if all else fails, try to appeal to the assailents morality. this will likely not work, as not only is it incredibly unreliable, but if you followed any of the tips i or anyone else gave you, they probobly hate you even more then they did before. but it is more liikely to work then nothing, so you might as well try it. hopefully you will never need any of these tips.

This is an incredibly stupid post. You are going to get someone killed with this “advice”

 

[Divine Retribution]

im not claiming to be an expert on self defence, and what you said is probobly true, but i dont see your post including why it was bad.

There's a lot. The paintball gun stuff is part of it, but then you say stuff like...

you dont feel like you can outrun them, but do think you could overpower them, restrain them instead.

This is fucking terrible advice especially if you're alone and don't have any training on how to restrain someone. For one thing, how long are you restraining them for? Until someone happens to come by, calls the police, and they get there? Until the person who was just going to assault you on the street calms down? Do you know for a fact he doesn't have a buddy around who's going to come along and fuck you up while you're on the ground restraining this person?

Another problem is that most people who say shit like this dramatically overestimate their own physical abilities, which is going to get you hurt. Never, ever assume that you can physically overpower someone. You don't know how strong they are, and you don't know that they aren't concealing a weapon.

try carrying an item that looks like a gun with you.

This is just bad advice in general, and is liable to get you arrested or just outright shot in a lot of places. Don't carry anything because it looks like a gun, in fact I'd say that's a pretty strong reason not to carry it in most circumstances.

and while i dont like the idea of taking a life, it may come down to you or them. in that scenario, aim for the neck.

This honestly reads like a child who watched Home Alone one too many times and now fantasizes about how they'd kill burglars with their paintball gun. Like I said in my other post, don't use a paintball gun for self-defense. Pepper ball guns are different (and have their own problems; I don't personally recommend them), but trying to fend of an attacker with a regular paintball gun is categorically worse than just trying to get away.

 

[Sabelette]

im not claiming to be an expert on self defence, and what you said is probobly true, but i dont see your post including why it was bad. how would you defend yourself in a scenario like this, and what did i do wrong? safety is important, and anything I or anyone else here can learn about it should definitely be shared. as an autistic person, i myself am not immune to hate crimes, so any tips you have for me on how to increase my odds of survival are very much apreciated.

id like to clarify that by ¨aim for the neck¨, i did not mean with a paintball gun. i meant with like your fist, or your car keys, or a bat, or something else that would do something. other then that, yeah, these are all exelent points that i shouldve thought of before posting this. thank you for letting me know what not to do if i am ever attacked.

I read your original post before it was deleted and it would actually get someone killed. Frankly I’m baffled that you outright admitted you have never been in a fight and still thought that was a good idea. Your post was ridiculously irresponsible and if you’d posted that on a forum I ran I would ban you for trying to get people killed.

As someone who has actually punched her fair share of Nazis and nearly been killed for it, don’t get in fights as an untrained combatant (or really, at all), don’t brandish real or fake weapons (carry pepper spray and actually practice using it, don’t just assume you know how because it’s simple), and run the fuck away/seek help rather than fight. Carrying a gun for self-defense out on the streets is absurd and not practical, and brandishing one escalates situations, not deescalates. I say that as a big time advocate of arming queer people. Robyn’s advice is good, everything you wrote is LARP at best and a “get murdered” speedrun at worst. Don’t speak on what you don’t know.

 

[Cancel cult]

because someone still might take my advice, as it is viewable by others responces, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE!!! i tried to help with some ideas i had of how to survive a fight, but that was all they were. while i did say that they were hypotheticals, i did not do enough to make it clear that i had no experience in this department. furthermore, i posted these tips without critically thinking about them. some of them i litterally came up with on the spot. it was irrisponsible of me to do this, and i apologise for my shortsightedness.

 

[Empress]

Something else: if possible, make sure your pepper spray is visible at all times. It does you no good if it's in your pocket or purse, as it can take too long to grab. I carry it in my hand when walking and make sure everyone can see it. As a result, even though I'm a trans woman, nobody bothers me.

 

[boo836]

for self defense purposes. unless I missed something latest gay agenda update, in which case, scratch that (and someone please put me on the mailing list, i came out like a decade ago and no one sends me the emails)

look up local laws and stuff as well. in canada its actually illegal to carry anything for the purpose of being a weapon, regardless of intent for self defence, and while it's different everywhere around the world, escalating the situation is always kind of a gamble at the best of times. also no reason to give the cops another reason to give you further problems, cops famously love queer people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. look into options like personal safety alarms or safety whistles as go-to responses. bear, coyote, or dog spray are also worth checking out if you live in areas where those kinds of wild animals are potential issues.

anyways running away is based. put your safety first. no one wins in a knife fight anyways

Canadian here. I've literally fought neo-Nazis. Generally I agree with this but carrying things as weapons and using items as weapons in self defense are two different things. No court is going to indict you for reasonably defending yourself. It's not illegal to wear solid rings (and only solid backed rings) or wear steel-toed boots either. If you are forced to escalate against untrained attackers then stomping in the knees is typically the best go-to anyways. The neck is a small target, there's only one, and it doesn't necessarily stop someone if you fuck up your strike placement a little. The joints that act as hinges on your limbs aren't supposed to experience stress in the opposite direction and that stress can dislocate the bones, and the knees have the added benefit of being weight-bearing and lower than their centre of gravity.

Also, please don't make your pepper spray visible if you can, that's seriously bad advice. Although it's more important to have a clear angle downwind than keeping it hidden, telegraphing that you have a weapon is: 1) escalatory; 2) encourages attackers to adapt to your weapon, if not just outright target your weapon hand; and 3) potentially inviting them to change their tactics to harassment at a distance. If someone is threatening or following you, you have to make your shot count before they cover themselves up or move upwind. Imo don't treat things that aren't guns like guns, showing off your spray isn't the same as telling someone you're licensed for concealed carry, no one is going to just have a kevlar vest on them, but nearly everyone wears a shirt in public.

Practice unlocking the cartridge in your bag if you have one. If you're unable to, then you don't really have a choice and are going to have to concede reaction time to your attacker.

 

[Empress]

Canadian here. I've literally fought neo-Nazis. Generally I agree with this but carrying things as weapons and using items as weapons in self defense are two different things. No court is going to indict you for reasonably defending yourself. It's not illegal to wear solid rings (and only solid backed rings) or wear steel-toed boots either. If you are forced to escalate against untrained attackers then stomping in the knees is typically the best go-to anyways. The neck is a small target, there's only one, and it doesn't necessarily stop someone if you fuck up your strike placement a little. The joints that act as hinges on your limbs aren't supposed to experience stress in the opposite direction and that stress can dislocate the bones, and the knees have the added benefit of being weight-bearing and lower than their centre of gravity.

Also, please don't make your pepper spray visible if you can, that's seriously bad advice. Although it's more important to have a clear angle downwind than keeping it hidden, telegraphing that you have a weapon is: 1) escalatory; 2) encourages attackers to adapt to your weapon, if not just outright target your weapon hand; and 3) potentially inviting them to change their tactics to harassment at a distance. If someone is threatening or following you, you have to make your shot count before they cover themselves up or move upwind. Imo don't treat things that aren't guns like guns, showing off your spray isn't the same as telling someone you're licensed for concealed carry, no one is going to just have a kevlar vest on them, but nearly everyone wears a shirt in public.

Practice unlocking the cartridge in your bag if you have one. If you're unable to, then you don't really have a choice and are going to have to concede reaction time to your attacker.

I do disagree there. Take it straight from the horse's mouth.

 

[boo836]

I do disagree there. Take it straight from the horse's mouth.

the chad morning show segment vs the virgin decade of experience in martial arts and fighting nazis each


that's for a mugging, not for a hate crime. If the goal is to take 40 bucks from someone, the prospect of getting sprayed is obviously going to make it not worth it. If someone is trying to bring harm to you for the sake of doing so, you aren't going to deter them with the threat of being pepper sprayed. If it's part of organised hate, the assailant might actually be more inclined to attack you because harm to oneself is a symbolic act of dedication to their cause.

 

[Tressed]

Canadian here. I've literally fought neo-Nazis. Generally I agree with this but carrying things as weapons and using items as weapons in self defense are two different things. No court is going to indict you for reasonably defending yourself. It's not illegal to wear solid rings (and only solid backed rings) or wear steel-toed boots either.

good addition! i was coming at this from more of a legal pov, situations like getting pulled over and being questioned about carrying things like knives or pepper spray. even things like those self defense keychains with the pointy bits can be pretty controversial despite them being "intended" as a keychain. nobody will ask twice about jewelry or steel toed boots, though, and you are allowed to have stuff if you have good reason for it (example, baseball bat in the trunk of your car if you actually play baseball)

 

[Local Dog]

Fellas don't fight unless it's absolutely neccessary. Try to run and make noise whilst running away, run towards more open, busier streets and run laterally. Running is always safer than fighting

I have no idea about self defence beyond that. Courses are helpful from what I've heard

 

[Drifblim Scourge]

Cis male, but I carry Mace with me since my city (as with most) becomes much more dangerous at night. If you make it visible, people are just going to cover their eyes, that's not something that will require a lot of intelligence from an attacker. Also Local Dog is absolutely correct, defense by attacking back really should be a last resort, running/escaping is always the safest move. Maybe one spray if you can do it fast enough but then go.

 

[DAWNBUSTER]

I am detransitioning.

 

[Morkal]

I've seen a lot of talks about guns in here with some dangerous misinformation, so I'd like to throw a quick word in as someone who is both a gun owner (certified to an instructor level in my state) and LGBTQ+ (bisexual/genderfluid).

Open carry is EXTREMELY dangerous, no matter what any form of media or online personality says, and I highly discourage the practice. You are actively making yourself a target if you broadcast to the world that you have a gun on your person in 99% of situations. Most responsible gun owners will tell you that concealed carry is safer and more effective for self-defense. Guns are not the same thing as mace, pepper spray, or any other form of self-defense. Guns of any kind are a heavy responsibility and need to be treated with respect as such. Do not try to learn how to fire and use guns yourself - go to a firing range with an instructor, learn proper trigger discipline (the biggest mistake that gun owners of all experience levels make), learn how to clean your gun to prevent jams, and get an actual permit to conceal carry. Buy a gun safe for proper safekeeping and a reliable holster for proper concealed carry usage, and learn your firing stances. Go to a gun range and practice so that, Arceus forbid, if you ever find yourself in a dangerous situation you don't hurt yourself or any other innocents in a dicey situation. The world is scary right now, I understand, but that doesn't mean we should disregard basic gun safety protocols. Please be safe, thanks.

 

[Alice Kazumi]

My last word before senior staff (mutually) locks me out of here:

If you are trans, ARM YOURSELF TO THE TEETH.

Not gonna lie I didn't do it and now I have one hand less. However I don't think using guns is the answer, using something like pepper spray and running away is more effective.

 

[Drifblim Scourge]

I've seen a lot of talks about guns in here with some dangerous misinformation, so I'd like to throw a quick word in as someone who is both a gun owner (certified to an instructor level in my state) and LGBTQ+ (bisexual/genderfluid).

Open carry is EXTREMELY dangerous, no matter what any form of media or online personality says, and I highly discourage the practice. You are actively making yourself a target if you broadcast to the world that you have a gun on your person in 99% of situations. Most responsible gun owners will tell you that concealed carry is safer and more effective for self-defense. Guns are not the same thing as mace, pepper spray, or any other form of self-defense. Guns of any kind are a heavy responsibility and need to be treated with respect as such. Do not try to learn how to fire and use guns yourself - go to a firing range with an instructor, learn proper trigger discipline (the biggest mistake that gun owners of all experience levels make), learn how to clean your gun to prevent jams, and get an actual permit to conceal carry. Buy a gun safe for proper safekeeping and a reliable holster for proper concealed carry usage, and learn your firing stances. Go to a gun range and practice so that, Arceus forbid, if you ever find yourself in a dangerous situation you don't hurt yourself or any other innocents in a dicey situation. The world is scary right now, I understand, but that doesn't mean we should disregard basic gun safety protocols. Please be safe, thanks.

Never used a gun in my life, as they've always rubbed me the wrong way, for the exact reason you described; they're a huge responsibility and the slightest screw-up can be wildly dangerous. Agreed, don't just carry one around without experience, especially if you're tryna make it known to attackers. Thank you for writing this.

On another note...

TIL that "androsexual" is a term. Finally, I have something to effectively describe my orientation as.

 

[Heatranator]

Hi, I've decided to announce that I am pansexual. Since I was 16, I've known I've been attracted to both girls and boys, which I was able to find out due to watching The Owl House (great show btw.) When I saw Lgbtqia+ relationships normalised there, and I started digging deeper into the queer community. I thought about whether I truly was straight, as I had always had thoughts about romantically involved with men in some dreams, and I realised I was into men, thus I thought I was bisexual.
I was happy with my orientation for a while until about 6 months ago, when I found out more about queer characterisation, and I felt like I would love people no matter their orientation. I slowly realised that I was not bisexual, but in fact pansexual.
I have not come out to my family, as they are not very accomodating with queer people, they like to complain about how there are "too many queer designations", and I just kinda don't want to deal with that. I think this is a place that I can express who I am without any reprecussions, my parents most likely will support me, but I don't want to take any chances.

 

[faint]

This is something I've known about myself for quite some time, spanning back to my teenage years, but largely kept it to myself out of embarrassment or some form of denial. I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. Truthfully, I don't know where and don't think I ever will. I can and have had sexual attraction to others but rarely obtain pleasure from PIV sex regardless of who I'm with. I have a strong desire for kink-related play which is largely what keeps me from identifying in full as ace.

That said, I still just say I'm straight. I feel like my situation is too specific to explain to someone if they casually asked my sexuality (doesn't help that I'm extremely masculine facing and assumed to be straight). I also don't really feel any connection to the LGBTIQA community. I know there are some people that don't take it as seriously as someone that identifies as LGBT and that's okay. I don't care much for labels anyway as I think they just box you in whereas my personal belief is that everyone is somewhere on a spectrum of sexuality which makes coming to terms with one's identity easier for some than others.

 

[April]

This is something I've known about myself for quite some time, spanning back to my teenage years, but largely kept it to myself out of embarrassment or some form of denial. I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. Truthfully, I don't know where and don't think I ever will. I can and have had sexual attraction to others but rarely obtain pleasure from PIV sex regardless of who I'm with. I have a strong desire for kink-related play which is largely what keeps me from identifying in full as ace.

That said, I still just say I'm straight. I feel like my situation is too specific to explain to someone if they casually asked my sexuality (doesn't help that I'm extremely masculine facing and assumed to be straight). I also don't really feel any connection to the LGBTIQA community. I know there are some people that don't take it as seriously as someone that identifies as LGBT and that's okay. I don't care much for labels anyway as I think they just box you in whereas my personal belief is that everyone is somewhere on a spectrum of sexuality which makes coming to terms with one's identity easier for some than others.

Hey friend, I've had a journey quite similar to this too and I'm happy you're finding a label (or lack thereof) that fits you!

There's no strict qualifications for what constitutes as ace, and you can definitely be both straight and ace and you can enjoy sex and still be ace, if that at all helps you in finding a definition that works for you. All that matters is your own happiness and comfort, there is no quota you have to meet, and we're all rooting for you!

 

[TheShield]

Labels suck, and the labels I mean are the price labels

 

[RainWaiv]

Labels suck, and the labels I mean are the price labels

This is why I ignore all the labels. Just put a secret compartment in your reusable grocery bag. Works every time.
(this is a joke i do not steal from stores)

 

[TheShield]

This is why I ignore all the labels. Just put a secret compartment in your reusable grocery bag. Works every time.
(this is a joke i do not steal from stores)

this deserves a quote with the internet word "LOL"

 

[Bioness]

Glad for this thread. I see the recent discussions and would be curious the context of why some feel certain types or self-defense are necessary and where. There is a huge variance. I live in the United States and never felt unsafe in the larger cities (250K + people), but am on my guard to bring attention to myself when travelling through small towns. The largest cities will often have many blocks of extremely gay friendly areas where queer people can at times outnumber straight people.

 

[rumia]

hi everyone.. just came by to say i think being non binary suits me better. after trying out identifying as a girl for idk like 3 years now i feel like what i was looking for the most is that freedom of self expression. i still like being referred to as a girl as well but i feel more comfortable with a more neutral approach to things .. im still trying to wrap my brain around it all but i just wanted to get this off my chest. thank you to all my friends for the love and support

 

[DerpySuX]

I’m genderfluid bisexual but I live in an extremely Christian right wing household. My father in particular is a full blown MAGA cultist and pretty consistently goes on homophobic and transphobic tirades.

Because of this I’m extremely scared to come out or even risk my family accidentally being clued into my identity. I used to paint my nails for sometime but kinda stopped doing it after an incident where my car broke down and I didn’t have the tools to fix it with me, so I called my dad and the whole time he was helping me he was talking about how I would rather paint my nails than make sure my car is in working order (which again I just forgot to put tools back in my car). Not even many of my closest friends know about me, and those that do have to refer to me as he/him around my family (I prefer they/them mainly, and she/her to a lesser degree). While being active in the mons community has allowed me to express myself more comfortably in a way, it still kind of bothers me that I have to hide part of myself in real life until I’m able to move out, which is no easy thing to do where I live.

I also don’t hate my parents, I truly believe that they have my best interests at heart, they’re just, stuck in the past. I don’t want to cut ties with them, but I would like to be able to be myself too, it’s a really hard dilemma for me.