-
Check out the relaunch of our general collection, with classic designs and new ones by our very own Pissog!
-
Welcome to Smogon! Take a moment to read the Introduction to Smogon for a run-down on everything Smogon, and make sure you take some time to read the global rules.
Social Neurodiversity
- Thread starter p0ip0le
- Start date
Hello,
After months of grappling with how public and forward I wanted to be about this (as well as chatting with some people about to approach it), I think it is better for me and my mental health to be more forward about this. It shapes much of my online experience, and I'm sure to some extent it's been noticeable for people who speak to me somewhat consistently.
In short: I have dissociative identity disorder.
DID is a disorder under the dissociation and de-realization umbrella caused by extremely stressful childhood events/circumstances that lead to the psyche to operate under multiple characterized personality states as a defensive mechanism. These personality states are known as "alters", usually having their own memories, feelings, and interests. Among most forms of neurodivergence, it is (imo) the most widely misunderstood and stigmatized due to its extreme nuance leading to very individualized symptoms, but most worsened by very volatile (and often misleading) representation in media.
How it works is that switches are often very "seamless", in the sense that without individual awareness and therapy it can be difficult to notice when switches occur unless alters announce themselves. It is a dissociative disorder; when personality states take the front, it can feel as though you are just watching yourself behave in an uncharacteristic way, and as though you are detached from reality/what's happening around you. In some extreme cases of DID it can feel as though you are entirely phased out, and memory gaps can be far wider. Switches are not voluntary and typically occur as a result of specific stimuli or dissociation.
Alters often exist in what's called a headspace, which is an inner world where they can either be visualized, communicate, connect, and share feelings. This interconnectedness is often why individuals with DID are often called a "system", which is what is used to refer to individuals who have alters. You may also hear the term "plural" used to refer to systems. In a similar sense, alters usually are formed for some kind of subconscious purpose usually because of a trauma response or persistent day-to-day stimuli. Systems often use labels like "host", "persecutor", or "protector" (for the sake of example) to refer to how alters interact within a system or what purposes they front for.
I have two "major" personality states (alongside multiple other alters who I will not be talking about here): Connie and Jade. Connie is "ausma", the person that mostly interacts on this site, problem-solving, and with competitive Pokemon in general. Jade is more focused on subjects like biology, witchcraft, and the more creative angle when it comes to Pokemon (Pet Mods or Fakemon creation for example). We all like Pokemon a lot but interact with it in different ways.
If any of you have any questions or would like to learn more about DID or about my system in general, please let me know. I will not be answering any questions about my trauma, but most of anything else is fair game.
Thanks for reading.
After months of grappling with how public and forward I wanted to be about this (as well as chatting with some people about to approach it), I think it is better for me and my mental health to be more forward about this. It shapes much of my online experience, and I'm sure to some extent it's been noticeable for people who speak to me somewhat consistently.
In short: I have dissociative identity disorder.
DID is a disorder under the dissociation and de-realization umbrella caused by extremely stressful childhood events/circumstances that lead to the psyche to operate under multiple characterized personality states as a defensive mechanism. These personality states are known as "alters", usually having their own memories, feelings, and interests. Among most forms of neurodivergence, it is (imo) the most widely misunderstood and stigmatized due to its extreme nuance leading to very individualized symptoms, but most worsened by very volatile (and often misleading) representation in media.
How it works is that switches are often very "seamless", in the sense that without individual awareness and therapy it can be difficult to notice when switches occur unless alters announce themselves. It is a dissociative disorder; when personality states take the front, it can feel as though you are just watching yourself behave in an uncharacteristic way, and as though you are detached from reality/what's happening around you. In some extreme cases of DID it can feel as though you are entirely phased out, and memory gaps can be far wider. Switches are not voluntary and typically occur as a result of specific stimuli or dissociation.
Alters often exist in what's called a headspace, which is an inner world where they can either be visualized, communicate, connect, and share feelings. This interconnectedness is often why individuals with DID are often called a "system", which is what is used to refer to individuals who have alters. You may also hear the term "plural" used to refer to systems. In a similar sense, alters usually are formed for some kind of subconscious purpose usually because of a trauma response or persistent day-to-day stimuli. Systems often use labels like "host", "persecutor", or "protector" (for the sake of example) to refer to how alters interact within a system or what purposes they front for.
I have two "major" personality states (alongside multiple other alters who I will not be talking about here): Connie and Jade. Connie is "ausma", the person that mostly interacts on this site, problem-solving, and with competitive Pokemon in general. Jade is more focused on subjects like biology, witchcraft, and the more creative angle when it comes to Pokemon (Pet Mods or Fakemon creation for example). We all like Pokemon a lot but interact with it in different ways.
If any of you have any questions or would like to learn more about DID or about my system in general, please let me know. I will not be answering any questions about my trauma, but most of anything else is fair game.
Thanks for reading.
What's your perspective on media's depiction of DID? I wrote a (non professional) paper about media representation of schizophrenia and repercussions on people with it. (Wrote it due to the reasons mentioned in this thread some time ago, where I thought I had schizophrenia, so I want to know the perspective on the same issue but from another condition)
In the paper I mentioned that another condition that I think has it worse in terms of accurate depictions is DID, mostly due to movies and series using it as a prompt for content.
The average encounter with DID for an average content consumer is the movie Split. I think the movie by itself is entertaining, but the depiction of DID? Awful. What do you think of that movie?
Also, how do you feel about the outdated term multiple personality disorder?
I think it's very hit or miss, leaning closer to miss, because very few forms of media actually commit to talking about it as a focal point and instead prefer to use it as a plot device. The thing about DID is that if you want to depict it in media, you actually have to put in the elbow grease to understand or learn about it if you want it to be actual representation.
From what I've seen, most depictions of DID end up being very surface level or used as a way to give a character some kind of gimmick. A good example of that would be Diavolo from JJBA, who isn't necessarily maliciously written but is very clearly written to me as a way to give the main antagonist some kind of gimmick to make the nature of his "secrecy" more interesting or compelling. On the contrary, OMORI is a phenomenal example of how to do it right since the entire premise of the game centers around Sunny and his trauma/headspace, and takes a lot of care to dive into the nuance around Sunny's psyche. I've yet to fully play it but from what I've heard/seen/played for myself, it's extremely compelling and well-executed.
Obviously with how insanely individualized DID cases are, it's hard to say any one instance of a system is "incorrect" but to me it's about the subtext and intentions. I take most of it with a grain of salt for that reason, but I'm hesitant to call most instances of DID in media "good representation" unless I know the circumstances in which they were written and how much care they put into depicting the different facets of a system. In a vast majority of cases, that care is not provided.
I haven't actually watched it but I have seen clips and read a synopsis. The basis on which the Beast "forms" seems reasonable on paper since as I understand it, it's a manifestation of the main character's abuse history and trauma, which is often how persecutor alters form (and often they form as a direct defense mechanism). I may be misremembering or misunderstanding but the Beast fronting seems to physically "empower" the system's body which... no, certain alters fronting does not make you suddenly invincible or whatever.
From an actual narrative perspective, as is, the movie heavily caters toward the negative stereotype that DID systems are volatile and dangerous, which is far from the truth. I don't hate the premise, as with proper research (including actually talking to real systems) it could make for a film that adds perspective when it comes to persecutor alters and the nuance around their formation. However from what I understand, it lacks a lot of tact and seems to prefer to use DID as a horror gimmick, which contributes quite badly to the already heavy stigma around DID. I'd say a lot of my opinion on it aligns with what I mentioned in my previous answer, as instead of trying to create a compelling perspective on the nature of DID it focuses more on using it as a scapegoat to enhance the spooky factor, which is especially dangerous in the context of Split's narrative.
TL;DR: it's dangerously uninformed and dangerously written, but the premise isn't terrible and could even be good if there's heavy research and good faith put into it, primarily if the aforementioned research includes perspective from real world systems.
My opinion on it is kind of as you said: it's outdated. It's not necessarily incorrect in itself but it gives an incorrect picture of how it works and what it is.
Last edited:
UPDATE: I have ANOTHER new pfp. I am entering my ENA arc.
It’s been over three months since anyone’s posted here. Might as well try and break the ice a little bit. I’ve talked about my own diagnoses plenty of times and how I hate using them as excuses, but I’m starting to think that my work life is never going to be fulfilling no matter what I do. It’s bad enough that I can never stay committed to anything in the long term, whether it be an interest or hobby or wanting to work in a certain field, but I’m a young man in my 20s now and I feel nothing in the life I feel like I’ve been somewhat forced into for lack of better word. I’ve felt this way since I graduated college, and if I didn’t know any better I would say that the entire experience was a complete waste of time and energy. I’m stuck here now with a 21 year old autism diagnosis that’s almost certainly outdated, an ADHD diagnosis from within the past year, inherited depression, “social anxiety” and no idea what to do with my life.
I know that all of this is supposedly normal or whatever, but I’m really not asking for much in my life. I can tell you right now I have absolutely no interest in raising my own family or living with other people for the foreseeable future. I went into human/social services because I genuinely thought my college degree would mean something and I could try and help other people in our community for a living, but now all I want is just to be able to help myself before I can even think about helping others. I want to make as few “life changing decisions” as possible and preferably stay as far away from anyone who’s upset or stressed out about things. I don’t need the world to be absolutely perfect for me or anything like that. I feel like my chronic overthinking (which is apparently not OCD) creates many more problems for people than it solves, including here in this very site when I’ve tried showing off my special interests. Because that’s just it, right. I rarely ever actually “liked” anything growing up. I had special interests, more specifically I went through phases of interests. Only my collection of Nintendo games really ever felt like a true childhood hobby in the usual sense.
So now we get back to my initial question I have for myself. How in the world am I supposed to turn any of this into a sustainable working career? The fact that I have a college degree at all is… shocking, in hindsight, but was it even necessary or should I make use of it anyway? I don’t want that to feel like it was a waste of time and energy like I said earlier. If I have it I might as well use the darn thing, right? My paid internship I’m at now ends around Thanksgiving but I keep forgetting if I’m supposed to immediately have a new job coming out of this one or if I even have any talents worth considering for a stressful career for the next who-knows-how many years of my life, because there is absolutely zero shot I’m going ever to be able to retire if the economy keeps going the way it is. And all of that is assuming anyone would want to hire my neurodivergent ahh in the first place and treat me well enough to convince me to want to stay there!
I know that all of this is supposedly normal or whatever, but I’m really not asking for much in my life. I can tell you right now I have absolutely no interest in raising my own family or living with other people for the foreseeable future. I went into human/social services because I genuinely thought my college degree would mean something and I could try and help other people in our community for a living, but now all I want is just to be able to help myself before I can even think about helping others. I want to make as few “life changing decisions” as possible and preferably stay as far away from anyone who’s upset or stressed out about things. I don’t need the world to be absolutely perfect for me or anything like that. I feel like my chronic overthinking (which is apparently not OCD) creates many more problems for people than it solves, including here in this very site when I’ve tried showing off my special interests. Because that’s just it, right. I rarely ever actually “liked” anything growing up. I had special interests, more specifically I went through phases of interests. Only my collection of Nintendo games really ever felt like a true childhood hobby in the usual sense.
So now we get back to my initial question I have for myself. How in the world am I supposed to turn any of this into a sustainable working career? The fact that I have a college degree at all is… shocking, in hindsight, but was it even necessary or should I make use of it anyway? I don’t want that to feel like it was a waste of time and energy like I said earlier. If I have it I might as well use the darn thing, right? My paid internship I’m at now ends around Thanksgiving but I keep forgetting if I’m supposed to immediately have a new job coming out of this one or if I even have any talents worth considering for a stressful career for the next who-knows-how many years of my life, because there is absolutely zero shot I’m going ever to be able to retire if the economy keeps going the way it is. And all of that is assuming anyone would want to hire my neurodivergent ahh in the first place and treat me well enough to convince me to want to stay there!
Follow up to the post above, New revelations since the last time (idk, a year or so ago? last year?) I posted things here.
If any of y'all could relate to any of the things I am having, I would love some tips to combat them.
Although not so obvious at first, I believe a large chunk (Not like 20 30% large chunk, more like 60+% large chunk) of the active folks here are neurodivergent, as we know being fixated on something niche or maybe not niche is kind of our thing, even if I don't know WHY is it our thing, it really is just the way it is. At the same time, I am a person who also loves to derail conversations jumping from one topic just like how I was talking about one thing the previous sentence and something else now, its a strange habit that I really do not have an answer for, though when others do it to me I continue with whatever they pivoted to like nothing is happening.
I also got an ADHD and Depression diagnosis! As much as some people think that getting diagnosed with these mental disorders is not a good thing, you gotta know that not getting is diagnosed is worse, as denying it exists or not knowing you have it doesn't mean it will go away, both of these diagnoses really gave me answers to all of these issues I have been having, such as being unable to be productive and do my assignments / work even if it will only take 10 minutes, even if it is in front of me! it drives me insane not being able to effectively push myself to do such trivial things for normal people such as remembering things and being on time and being organized and focusing in class and taking notes while also being able to listen and record your moves in chess while thinking and more.... I thought some medication would fix it all but thats where Depression comes to play, as it cuts down on my motivation heavily on top of being unable to focus and follow a routine and be on task and stuff... The fact I am writing a wall of text here instead of doing my schoolwork is already a clear sign.
ASD, ADHD, Depression, and potentially more (Aphantasia, perhaps?) disorders plagued me for life, and I have always wondered what is it like to be a normal person who can function normally, be on time, focus and more in life, me first learning that my struggles were not normal felt mind blowing to me, I just thought I sucked and everybody else just pushed through! Despite disorders really making life hard for ND people like me, online polls say that a lot of people would not want to thanos snap away their struggles and disabilities away for some reason, even though it often made their life so much harder, many people just wouldn't wanna get rid of them. Why? Why wouldn't people want to be able to function normally and make your life so much easier? I would gladly snap it away from myself, as being able to think differently and having nice hobbies isn't exclusive to being ND (I think), and there are no benefits to keeping the disorder around to drag you down, but idk what are your guy's and gal's thoughts on this?
On a side note, apparently normal people are able to visualize vivid images of stuff in their heads, explains why I sucked so much at imagery and sometimes writing, all I can manage is vague flashes and shapes, thinking vivid images was people hallucinating!
Uhhhhhhhh I have so much more to write but I am too lazy to write all of it down and stuff...
(I know, the grammar sucks on this post, but I was aiming to get it done quickly, so quality took a dip. I cannot focus for any longer even though I stay away from TikTok and shorts like illegal substances. Don't mind me changing topics like flipping a book either, If I Had the patience, focus and more time I would also go into how the people around me interacted, how I feel lonely asf irl with hardly anybody relatable and how me being Chinese really influenced my experiences but idk... y'all who are able to read the entire thing without breaking focus are lucky to be able to do that...)
If any of y'all could relate to any of the things I am having, I would love some tips to combat them.
Although not so obvious at first, I believe a large chunk (Not like 20 30% large chunk, more like 60+% large chunk) of the active folks here are neurodivergent, as we know being fixated on something niche or maybe not niche is kind of our thing, even if I don't know WHY is it our thing, it really is just the way it is. At the same time, I am a person who also loves to derail conversations jumping from one topic just like how I was talking about one thing the previous sentence and something else now, its a strange habit that I really do not have an answer for, though when others do it to me I continue with whatever they pivoted to like nothing is happening.
I also got an ADHD and Depression diagnosis! As much as some people think that getting diagnosed with these mental disorders is not a good thing, you gotta know that not getting is diagnosed is worse, as denying it exists or not knowing you have it doesn't mean it will go away, both of these diagnoses really gave me answers to all of these issues I have been having, such as being unable to be productive and do my assignments / work even if it will only take 10 minutes, even if it is in front of me! it drives me insane not being able to effectively push myself to do such trivial things for normal people such as remembering things and being on time and being organized and focusing in class and taking notes while also being able to listen and record your moves in chess while thinking and more.... I thought some medication would fix it all but thats where Depression comes to play, as it cuts down on my motivation heavily on top of being unable to focus and follow a routine and be on task and stuff... The fact I am writing a wall of text here instead of doing my schoolwork is already a clear sign.
ASD, ADHD, Depression, and potentially more (Aphantasia, perhaps?) disorders plagued me for life, and I have always wondered what is it like to be a normal person who can function normally, be on time, focus and more in life, me first learning that my struggles were not normal felt mind blowing to me, I just thought I sucked and everybody else just pushed through! Despite disorders really making life hard for ND people like me, online polls say that a lot of people would not want to thanos snap away their struggles and disabilities away for some reason, even though it often made their life so much harder, many people just wouldn't wanna get rid of them. Why? Why wouldn't people want to be able to function normally and make your life so much easier? I would gladly snap it away from myself, as being able to think differently and having nice hobbies isn't exclusive to being ND (I think), and there are no benefits to keeping the disorder around to drag you down, but idk what are your guy's and gal's thoughts on this?
On a side note, apparently normal people are able to visualize vivid images of stuff in their heads, explains why I sucked so much at imagery and sometimes writing, all I can manage is vague flashes and shapes, thinking vivid images was people hallucinating!
Uhhhhhhhh I have so much more to write but I am too lazy to write all of it down and stuff...
(I know, the grammar sucks on this post, but I was aiming to get it done quickly, so quality took a dip. I cannot focus for any longer even though I stay away from TikTok and shorts like illegal substances. Don't mind me changing topics like flipping a book either, If I Had the patience, focus and more time I would also go into how the people around me interacted, how I feel lonely asf irl with hardly anybody relatable and how me being Chinese really influenced my experiences but idk... y'all who are able to read the entire thing without breaking focus are lucky to be able to do that...)
First of all happy new year.
In this post I want to talk about my experience with autism. More specifically ASD aka aspberger syndrome.
My parents claim to have known since I was a kid, but they only told me when I eventually found out myself.
Growing up, I distinctly remember a feeling of being different, but I dismissed it. After all, for all I knew everyone else could have been feeling the same way.
I've been pretty much feeling like an alien my whole life. To be clear I did and still have friends, but I suspect that my connections to people are different from those of neurotypicals. In general, I get along way better with other neurodivergent people than with neurotypicals. We might not be the same species of alien, but what we have in common is the fact that we are aliens in the first place - and we know it.
Basically the average nt just expects you to also be nt and writes you off as weird when you don't fit in.
I always have to adjust to communicating with someone who's brain is different from mine. Nts aren't used to this and are thus harder to communicate with.
It took a long time for me to learn how to properly interact with others and I'm still learning new things.
For example "don't do it to someone else if you don't want it done to you" is a lesson we all learn early on. It is entirely worthless for me because what I consider appropriate is not necessarily what others consider appropriate.
You might be surprised to learn that I never had issues with reading emotions. However, it was very hard for me to work with these emotions.
What causes these emotions? What effect do they have? How can I influence them? None of this is natural to me and I often had to learn it the hard way.
Being undiagnosed for a long time certainly didn't help.
My brain works differently and I need to take this into account whenever I try to learn... pretty much anything.
Personally I reject the term disability because it's very reductive. Autism does have its benefits; at least for me.
You might say I have the science kind of autism. For as long as I've known, math has felt very natural to me. I often say that I have a calculator in my brain because it's easier than explaining what's actually going on in there.
Being naturally good at maths and logic is pretty useful. Many nts study long and hard only to get worse results than me when I can't even be bothered to study. From my perspective, it's like everyone else has dyscalculia.
This extends further than just maths, but it's less extreme in other fields. Still, every now and then I'm surprised by how much nts struggle with tasks that seem very doable to me.
Basically my autism single handedly carries me through academia.
On the other side, you have my arch nemesis: executive dysfunction. I can't say for sure if my autism is the cause of this or if it's the only cause, but it sucks. While it's pretty easy for me to spend hours doing things that I'm passinonate about, it can be very difficult for me to do work that isn't interesting. This is especially bad when I'm not exactly sure about what I need to be doing or how I need to be doing it.
Tasks that I can't complete in one sitting are also pretty bad for me. I just like to get things done and not think about them again.
This leads to what I like to call Deadline Driven Developement.
Had I known that this would likely be a persistent issue, perhaps I would have tackled it sooner. Or maybe I would have procrastinated working on it anyway.
For now at least I'm forced to work on this because being a team lead kinda requires planning and making tasks and making sure that works actually gets done.
While autism does have its downsides, even if I had the choice, I'd still choose to be autistic.
Someone else said that it's bad to have charisma as your dump stat and I aggree, but at least for me it's managable.
Even if I had sky high charisma, the mere fact that I'm vulnerable to sensory overload would prevent me from making the most out of it.
For the record I think that having high charisma and an even spread of intelligence and motivation is optimal, but that's just not the kind of person I want to be.
I've talked a lot about how my autism affects me on the outside, but I haven't really touched on how it has affected me emotionally. I'm willing to share this too, but it requires a lot more reflection and honesty from me. Besides, I managed to take so long that it's already 1am so I think that's enough for today. Let me know if there's interest in a part 2 to this
In this post I want to talk about my experience with autism. More specifically ASD aka aspberger syndrome.
I feel like many people don't get what autism actually is. Some think it's just being quirky while others say it's a disability. I think one reason for this is mainly that the media has (at least until recently) done a bad job at representing autism. The other is that autism manifests can vary widely from person to person. For some it's inconvenient at worst, for others it's debilitating.
I will not try to explain what autism is in general. You can look it up if you like.
I can only speak for myself because that's the autism I'm mots familiar with.
I will not try to explain what autism is in general. You can look it up if you like.
I can only speak for myself because that's the autism I'm mots familiar with.
Growing up, I distinctly remember a feeling of being different, but I dismissed it. After all, for all I knew everyone else could have been feeling the same way.
I've been pretty much feeling like an alien my whole life. To be clear I did and still have friends, but I suspect that my connections to people are different from those of neurotypicals. In general, I get along way better with other neurodivergent people than with neurotypicals. We might not be the same species of alien, but what we have in common is the fact that we are aliens in the first place - and we know it.
Basically the average nt just expects you to also be nt and writes you off as weird when you don't fit in.
I always have to adjust to communicating with someone who's brain is different from mine. Nts aren't used to this and are thus harder to communicate with.
It took a long time for me to learn how to properly interact with others and I'm still learning new things.
For example "don't do it to someone else if you don't want it done to you" is a lesson we all learn early on. It is entirely worthless for me because what I consider appropriate is not necessarily what others consider appropriate.
You might be surprised to learn that I never had issues with reading emotions. However, it was very hard for me to work with these emotions.
What causes these emotions? What effect do they have? How can I influence them? None of this is natural to me and I often had to learn it the hard way.
Being undiagnosed for a long time certainly didn't help.
My brain works differently and I need to take this into account whenever I try to learn... pretty much anything.
Personally I reject the term disability because it's very reductive. Autism does have its benefits; at least for me.
You might say I have the science kind of autism. For as long as I've known, math has felt very natural to me. I often say that I have a calculator in my brain because it's easier than explaining what's actually going on in there.
Being naturally good at maths and logic is pretty useful. Many nts study long and hard only to get worse results than me when I can't even be bothered to study. From my perspective, it's like everyone else has dyscalculia.
This extends further than just maths, but it's less extreme in other fields. Still, every now and then I'm surprised by how much nts struggle with tasks that seem very doable to me.
Basically my autism single handedly carries me through academia.
On the other side, you have my arch nemesis: executive dysfunction. I can't say for sure if my autism is the cause of this or if it's the only cause, but it sucks. While it's pretty easy for me to spend hours doing things that I'm passinonate about, it can be very difficult for me to do work that isn't interesting. This is especially bad when I'm not exactly sure about what I need to be doing or how I need to be doing it.
Tasks that I can't complete in one sitting are also pretty bad for me. I just like to get things done and not think about them again.
This leads to what I like to call Deadline Driven Developement.
Had I known that this would likely be a persistent issue, perhaps I would have tackled it sooner. Or maybe I would have procrastinated working on it anyway.
For now at least I'm forced to work on this because being a team lead kinda requires planning and making tasks and making sure that works actually gets done.
While autism does have its downsides, even if I had the choice, I'd still choose to be autistic.
Someone else said that it's bad to have charisma as your dump stat and I aggree, but at least for me it's managable.
Even if I had sky high charisma, the mere fact that I'm vulnerable to sensory overload would prevent me from making the most out of it.
For the record I think that having high charisma and an even spread of intelligence and motivation is optimal, but that's just not the kind of person I want to be.
I've talked a lot about how my autism affects me on the outside, but I haven't really touched on how it has affected me emotionally. I'm willing to share this too, but it requires a lot more reflection and honesty from me. Besides, I managed to take so long that it's already 1am so I think that's enough for today. Let me know if there's interest in a part 2 to this
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s. I did quite well in school and didn't have all the "classic" symptoms, so it went undetected for a long time. But when my wife got diagnosed, I saw patterns that made me wonder if I had it, too.
Struggling to sleep my whole life, never stopping talking, a brain that runs faster than my mouth can process, and that intense brain fog that sets in the second something is boring were constants for me. I also really struggled with emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity.
Even after the diagnosis, I had major imposter syndrome. Not because I mind the label, but because I’d internalized so much of the "gifted but lazy" rhetoric from my parents that I questioned if I was just making excuses.
Meds have helped a ton - especially with focusing on boring tasks and, more importantly, regulating my emotions. I used to be able to "keep it in" and control my external reactions, but internally I’d "see red" if something annoyed me the right way. Now, I still get annoyed like anyone else, but I can actually return to baseline and let it go much faster.
The main thing I’ve learned is that ADHD presents so differently because there are many ways a dopamine deficiency can happen. Recently, I saw a geneticist with ADHD mention how looking at his own genes showed him exactly what was causing his specific dopamine issues. I’m a total genetics nerd and already had my 23andMe data, so I spent some time looking at the primary "ADHD genes" to understand how it presents in me.
There are many genes that contribute to ADHD symptoms, and while I researched as many as I could find, I'll just share a few key ones so I don't bore everyone. It turns out I clear dopamine four times faster than average. This is why I’m great in high-stress situations like exams or powerlifting, but I hit extreme boredom and brain fog in normal life. My body also produces the "fuel" for dopamine at a rate 30-40% worse than average - even though I have a way higher number of dopamine receptors than most. Suddenly, my whole life made sense.
I shared my alleles with Gemini AI and asked it to predict my school experience and childhood based only on those genes. It was scarily accurate; it read like something my parents could have written.
Now, I’m using that info to "bio-hack" my brain. I’m optimizing the timing for my medication, caffeine, and specific vitamins that assist my inhibited pathways. To be clear, the vitamins alone wouldn't give me this boost without the ADHD medication for the dopamine itself, but they have significantly improved how effective my medication is. It’s still early days, but the boost in my cognitive function has been almost as big as when I first started meds, all without increasing my dose or caffeine intake.
Struggling to sleep my whole life, never stopping talking, a brain that runs faster than my mouth can process, and that intense brain fog that sets in the second something is boring were constants for me. I also really struggled with emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity.
Even after the diagnosis, I had major imposter syndrome. Not because I mind the label, but because I’d internalized so much of the "gifted but lazy" rhetoric from my parents that I questioned if I was just making excuses.
Meds have helped a ton - especially with focusing on boring tasks and, more importantly, regulating my emotions. I used to be able to "keep it in" and control my external reactions, but internally I’d "see red" if something annoyed me the right way. Now, I still get annoyed like anyone else, but I can actually return to baseline and let it go much faster.
The main thing I’ve learned is that ADHD presents so differently because there are many ways a dopamine deficiency can happen. Recently, I saw a geneticist with ADHD mention how looking at his own genes showed him exactly what was causing his specific dopamine issues. I’m a total genetics nerd and already had my 23andMe data, so I spent some time looking at the primary "ADHD genes" to understand how it presents in me.
There are many genes that contribute to ADHD symptoms, and while I researched as many as I could find, I'll just share a few key ones so I don't bore everyone. It turns out I clear dopamine four times faster than average. This is why I’m great in high-stress situations like exams or powerlifting, but I hit extreme boredom and brain fog in normal life. My body also produces the "fuel" for dopamine at a rate 30-40% worse than average - even though I have a way higher number of dopamine receptors than most. Suddenly, my whole life made sense.
I shared my alleles with Gemini AI and asked it to predict my school experience and childhood based only on those genes. It was scarily accurate; it read like something my parents could have written.
Now, I’m using that info to "bio-hack" my brain. I’m optimizing the timing for my medication, caffeine, and specific vitamins that assist my inhibited pathways. To be clear, the vitamins alone wouldn't give me this boost without the ADHD medication for the dopamine itself, but they have significantly improved how effective my medication is. It’s still early days, but the boost in my cognitive function has been almost as big as when I first started meds, all without increasing my dose or caffeine intake.