New thread where goatc analyzes every game played last week in relevant tiers and relevant gens (bear in mind I’m not perusing these games just skippin thru so chill I make mistakes) behold
GOATNALYSIS
W5 USM
1. Ruin cdumas v Big eo
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-349765
Both teams look oras with eo having an atrociously “do nothing but hope to live hits and maybe set up” type fat shit with, at preview, 0 to break reuni while magma Tran is guaranteed to get a kill and then some.
Wow nice tech heart swap heal wow what a perfect counter that would’ve 6-0hhhh shit I guess clicking heart swap before healing to full was a bit too complicated of a maneuver that gen 8 brought haha,,, I guess oldfags cant comprehend if +5 shock did 40 then if u swap away the boosts u live at 20 haha,,,, welp what can u do amirite (not a guaranteed win depends onspread and eq roll but better than 6-0d by Reu at preview which might as well be the case that u didn’t have the tech counter) cdumbass did nothin impressive this was a 400% dicks in throat game
Dicks in throat meter
DDDDD MASSIVE THROATAGE
2. Ruin kory v Big John
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-349183
Kory w another very ass team like bro ninja counter is ninja and if lop hits lant w 1 ip on switch u already know issaranwrap
Min roll sucks but mana might be invested
Also the gallade woulda put in work regardless cuz lati cant kill and ip does a dickload
In the end by the way kory was gettin his ass sucked from the back for like 10 consecutive turns I rlly doubt he could’ve mustered up a single play like a tupac SoundCloud link (cuz he dead) to come back and win should the min not have rolled min. No dicks in throat on the players voluntary behalf but John dick did force his lil semi halfway down there for most of the game
Dick in throat meter
DDD Forced entry
3. Tgrs p2 v shitrants zomg
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-348044
Prime example of techs hitting. Tbh komo coulda been any mon that forces in and chips pex, and as long as muk traps lati gren won. 3 mons techd that perfectly hit. Crit didn’t matter cuz trap anyways, freeze was big allowing for 3 kills but then again actually yea freeze was p big but still gren was doin 50 plus to every mon anyways I fuckin hate these slow ass fat no win con teams that don’t do shit like nigga u got a pinsir go double to it click attacks or somethin tf damn but then again what is to be expected of ladder dickwads, they transitioned from gen to gen ala dragmag, birdspam, and pinszone. Once a trapping mon is used u are excluded from discussion relating any skill. No dicks choked but overall a replay equivalent of watching a very lucky old old old guy w saggy balls fuck a fat but bangable chick on pornhub. Was it bad? Yes, but was my dick out? Well somebody had some dick somewhere is all I gotta say (in their throat)
Dick choked level:
DD Old v Young on pornhub
4. Tgrs es v tyshit blund
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-348009
I swr every single game Es brings fat shit that has set up fatbreakers and nothing speedy yet no oneever punishes w some offense. Look what koko does to that dogshit awful of a oras wannabe tdk skilless team (not an homage to tdk being the face of a playste just stating he is skilless and is known to use skilless dogshit as such). Blunders team is gay too but at least it’s not glaringly dogshit. Ok wow 12 spatt drops later a lati That was prime to sweep got lucked annnnnnnnnd nothing for zor cuz scarftran is possibly the worst scarfer in any gen that came out after Frank ocean came out. Lucky dog sets up alongside lati while hoping to drop it or crit it instead of going hard to Zor which actually ok fine it’s the right play but nigga rlly needed 14 drops or a crit AND HE DROPPED Blunder harder than blunders balls dropped. Choked on dick meter is somewhat high considering he let lati set up alongside but then again that was a forced condition cuz he has nothing for lati anyways so he had to luck so ok not rlly dicks in mouth on this one just massive luck and little skill
Meter :
D “I get mad #45”
5. Cryo joe v Clasy BlkOb
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-348720
Bro I swr if I see another one of these pussy ass oras lookin no momentum havin ass “I play to not lose” headass teams who tf repopularized shitfable I swr damn u guys rlly makin me appreciate p2 that much more damn wtf
Anyways sucks tht I have to be objective but just as joe had zero for canion bo had nothing for zhb Cham w th only difference btwn them the necessity of prediction on joeys part which, oh boy he did not make a lot of if any (mu rlly put u behind tho tbh but sry bro objectivity) yea pretty straightforward game bo just had to not choke and not get outplayed by Cham staying in on anything or icing lant / zenning clef on the wrong turn which neither happened. Bo didn’t play particularly well or outplay it’s just that he clicked the obvious moves and joe failed to not click the obviouser moves. Yea idk pretty bad game I love joe tho come back stronger next week gang gang
Dicks choked meter: don’t see no chokes
6. Cryo orasbb v class Sabella
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-348191
Damn if that matchup was any worse it woulda been an arranged marriage. But then again cbb played Aggro and kept it competitive. He needed to get turn 22 right otherwise he loses to pert or gren at the point but alas this isn’t oras. Also idk why new switched out v pelipler I guess “I got brain aids” gives u the gist (et al Bang 2018). Then again when ur rocker hard beats the defogger and u have 12 water mons v gooche 1 resist team it’s hard to lose. No chokes but needed to literally outplay every turn to win, which evidently was not the case.
Choke meter
D “HIV patient skullfucks German Thiccy”
7. Shark btb v scoot fv
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-349448
Couple outplays on both sides here n there but btb ultimately engulfed the dick when he decided to throw away the chance at winning the game righ there (on a 5050) when it’s bulu v mew w his weavile. Yea also lemme keep this lucha that’s useless wo terrain wow damn sharks forewent 3k goatlord for what? DAMN got a 7 but this nigga got a starting position on a top 5 team? Damn mdrag u rlly not slick
Dicks engulfed level:
DDDDD bhartha_the_bestattakingdickintheesophagus
8. Shark nah v scoot leftard
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-348739
Damn a team w zero I repeat zero fatbreak (Zard don’t count cuz it kills itself) vs a team w nothing for simple breakers let’s say,,,, cham. Cham w zen 6-0s as long as he gets the suit turn correct, and let’s not forget my favorite set bp > fakeout which can lead and 6-0 almost. Damn what atrocious dogshit piles of assjuice
Anyways yea bruh lost when Zard stayed in but then again Zard was not winnin cuz recoil anyways. Shit game this shit was ass leftard made apaproximately as many plays as he has had vaccinations in his life (hint: ) damn truly an eye gauging dogshit game
Dicks in throat level: DDDDD both teams must’ve been made mid fellatio and neither was on the receiving end I presume
9. Wolf abr v raid gondr
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-349172
Gond has one of those yea I’ll beat fat but if I face anything >100 speed I lose (see: cham) teams which are laughable xd xdddd but successful thus far (see:ES). Abr has a solid team, good sweeper that can catch balanced offense off guard and mons that lure/break gear tang and shit for his gear (tf is that lele does that shit have nat madness or some shit that ain’t spex) game was p much lost when keld hit the sword. Also wtf kinda ninja the belt toolkit one? Not a bad set but damn sucks here. Also side note abr 6-0d by Zard x which no one uses and volc which very few use but then again it’s sm u try ur best to not get 6-0d turn1 but if u do jus do like ES and luck the shit outta the mon that 6-0s u rip blunder. Not a choketastic game very straightforward the better team won zero plays displayed nor necessary
Dicks swallowed:
Lame game mu win 2/10
10. Wolf trosk v goat shake
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen7ou-349663
Game of the week. Shake brought patented 12 set up sweepers w a lead and applied his patented click moves and see what happens technique, and by god did he pull off his scheme as usual. With poise and finesse shake proceeded to click the obvious play like 12 turns in a row and lo n behold: someone even more average than Shake managed to get outplayed within said turns. How a volc wo settin Up gonn get 7 kills u ask? Goatitup. How u make ur opp shove that massive of a dick thru his oral canal that time itself ceases to manifest on the physical level on ur opps screen? Goatitup.worry not, shucca gear in da back anyways, and u already know Shake still packin Hp ice volc cuz this nigha usin fini so u already know he stuck in 2013 when ice volc was used. Throughout the battle goatitup displayed unparalleled swagger with taunts and “idc I don’t even play lol” attitude, but that’s just what he wants you to think. Yes, hate him, call him shit, yes continue to underestimate, belittle, despise him. Call him a virgin , say that he jerksoff tk 13 yr old anime girls, proclaim that he has zero skill in this game yet spends every waking moment dusting off the dorito dust on his keyboard to send yet another :lewd: emoji into his anime discord,,, yum.... keep it coming, cuz all ur negativity will only enhance the climax of his orgasm when he stokes his chode to orcs raping anime children as the man inevitably claims yet another w because after all, look at the hall of fame, who chillin as the 2goat? This proud man, the lebron James of Pokémon.
Dicks in mouth:
DDDDD
When shake decides to play, ur throat is already filled with his 2 incher, accept ur destiny player. Amen