Hey everyone, hope everyone is doing ok.
I wasn’t planning to post here until I made significant progress in my life. I also wasn’t planning to post since I thought that posting here won’t necessarily help unless real action is taken, but I thought I should post to get my mind across and give an update. I have also heard that expressing your problems can make them feel better for some reason.
To start with, I haven’t seen a therapist yet, as even if I could drive there I wouldn’t know what I would say to them. I’ve also left the Smogon Discord Server on hiatus, which I didn’t really want to cause I had been there for at least five years. I treated it as some sort of escapism whenever I didn’t have a good day or had to leave other gaming communities, and I’m grateful for the nice people I met there. It was mostly in the pkmn-general thread, since I haven’t played pokemon competively in a long time. But recently, I felt that the vibes weren’t great as before. Sometimes I felt that others were being dismissive or demeaning (even if it wasn’t directed towards me), and one time someone had to throw in a quick sarcastic wit when I wanted to share something for good vibes, which shouldn’t have ticked me off, but it did. It might have been a couple of bad apples in a big group of very good ones, but it still felt hurtful. Granted, maybe logging in to the server daily instead of doing something productive didn’t help, or expecting there any bad apples would affect me, or maybe there’s no real obligation to listen to anything. Maybe I have misinterpreted things differently. Either way, it got to a point where it affected my mental health, and I felt that I was there just because of a bad habit or had nothing else to do. It might have affected me to the point where I get hungover from simple disagreements or misunderstandings.
I would go back to chatting in the comp-threads, but the last time I played competitively was when the Yanmega Suspect test in RU, which would have been at least a year ago. I don’t want to leave permanently though, I still like Pokemon and the intricacies of its competitive side, and it helped me get interested in Pokemon I never would have normally like Cloyster or Yanmega. I also don’t want to get rid of some of my connections there, if I had any. At the very least, I’ll still be around in the Smogon threads here.
I am trying some hobbies to ease my mind and replace doom-scrolling like doing Sudoku, though I prefer to do it at home else I would rush it and be frustrated. I’ve also started to record content for my pokemon nuzlocke playthroughs, though unfortunately, I don’t have a powerful GPU or graphics card and I felt that, considering its cost, I should save the money for a place that I have to move to eventually. Doesn’t help that I tend to rush them and feel frustrated as well. I have started drawing too, though unfortunately I don’t make it a habit to draw routinely and so far I’ve been self-learning. These frustrations I have to deal with in the little free time that I have between juggling work and busy with other stuff gets to me that life is complex and hard, and it will push you down.
I am still here, so maybe that is something.
I still try to remember the good times that I have had there and the smogon threads. So, I want to say to the people that I have met that I felt warmth with, thank you. I had a lot of fun.
I wasn’t planning to post here until I made significant progress in my life. I also wasn’t planning to post since I thought that posting here won’t necessarily help unless real action is taken, but I thought I should post to get my mind across and give an update. I have also heard that expressing your problems can make them feel better for some reason.
To start with, I haven’t seen a therapist yet, as even if I could drive there I wouldn’t know what I would say to them. I’ve also left the Smogon Discord Server on hiatus, which I didn’t really want to cause I had been there for at least five years. I treated it as some sort of escapism whenever I didn’t have a good day or had to leave other gaming communities, and I’m grateful for the nice people I met there. It was mostly in the pkmn-general thread, since I haven’t played pokemon competively in a long time. But recently, I felt that the vibes weren’t great as before. Sometimes I felt that others were being dismissive or demeaning (even if it wasn’t directed towards me), and one time someone had to throw in a quick sarcastic wit when I wanted to share something for good vibes, which shouldn’t have ticked me off, but it did. It might have been a couple of bad apples in a big group of very good ones, but it still felt hurtful. Granted, maybe logging in to the server daily instead of doing something productive didn’t help, or expecting there any bad apples would affect me, or maybe there’s no real obligation to listen to anything. Maybe I have misinterpreted things differently. Either way, it got to a point where it affected my mental health, and I felt that I was there just because of a bad habit or had nothing else to do. It might have affected me to the point where I get hungover from simple disagreements or misunderstandings.
I would go back to chatting in the comp-threads, but the last time I played competitively was when the Yanmega Suspect test in RU, which would have been at least a year ago. I don’t want to leave permanently though, I still like Pokemon and the intricacies of its competitive side, and it helped me get interested in Pokemon I never would have normally like Cloyster or Yanmega. I also don’t want to get rid of some of my connections there, if I had any. At the very least, I’ll still be around in the Smogon threads here.
I am trying some hobbies to ease my mind and replace doom-scrolling like doing Sudoku, though I prefer to do it at home else I would rush it and be frustrated. I’ve also started to record content for my pokemon nuzlocke playthroughs, though unfortunately, I don’t have a powerful GPU or graphics card and I felt that, considering its cost, I should save the money for a place that I have to move to eventually. Doesn’t help that I tend to rush them and feel frustrated as well. I have started drawing too, though unfortunately I don’t make it a habit to draw routinely and so far I’ve been self-learning. These frustrations I have to deal with in the little free time that I have between juggling work and busy with other stuff gets to me that life is complex and hard, and it will push you down.
I am still here, so maybe that is something.
I still try to remember the good times that I have had there and the smogon threads. So, I want to say to the people that I have met that I felt warmth with, thank you. I had a lot of fun.