And my previous post can now by half ignored, life is good, I'm content.
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the passions
- Thread starter ivar
- Start date
Just because something won't end in marriage doesn't mean it's not worth it for the intervening time. Aren't you in highschool? I don't know any, well okay one, but not very many!, relationships that started in highschool that had that kind of long term goal. I haven't met anybody who's like "aww shit man I don't think I could marry x girl I guess I should just end it now"
Relationships aren't only good for marriage. They're just fun to be in. Yes every relationship you're in is probably going to end up with you alone in the end but..
this just seems really mean to yourself man. If you honestly don't think you can get over some ones little issues it's because you haven't found the right person.
For fucks sake why am I telling you this I've never even had a legitimate relationship.
First of all, thanks for the advice with driving.
I also wanted to be a Creative Writing major, but had the same feelings about it as you. What I ended up doing is declaring a Mass Communications major. It can lead to jobs in PR, advertising, journalism, publishing, etc. These allow me to be creative/write for a living while still being "real jobs," so it's a comrpomise. Many of my favorite authors started out in these fields, writing a few hundred words of their first novels each night. Eventually they were able to stop their "real jobs" and write full time. I'm taking Creative Writing as an elective this semester, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Cinema Studies isn't my thing, so I can't lend any advice there. :(
Nah, this is spot on. Don't put yourself down.
If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won.
dont wanna work. just wanna be a kid forever
relationships suck if you don't know how to regulate a women. a lot of people say it but its true; communication & trust is all it takes. i tend to agree that marriage divorces are so damn common nowadays. it is a fucking scam and its strictly business. its just a christian definition of being unified with God & your spouse. the only difference is that you'll need to pay up some dough to officially break up with your partner. which is stupid; i don't need a ring to tell me i trust this person. relationships don't suck at all, they actually decide ones happiness for most people. you gotta get your head out that marriage bubble, because this shit is a scam. look towards finding yourself a partner you can trust & communicate with, doesn't necessarily mean you'll have to marry them.
This is good for me because of where I find myself placed in my life. My emotions have become a big part of everything I've done.
Emotions are fickle for me. Like a few others who have already posted, I tend to be very "neutral". My emotions generally don't appear, and half of the ones that do aren't sincere. It's just something that I've come to develop like many others have.
Like a lot of people at a young age, I was prone to severe anger issues. For someone of my body build, kinda tall but extremely lanky, I ended up learning a lot of lessons the hard way. My temper generally brought me pain, having been hospitalized from on multiple occasions due to an outbreak, and what these outbreaks brought me. Concussions, contusions. All the fun stuff.
These issues generally lead to my loneliness, among other things. While I was easy going, and just a child that enjoyed fun, I was a nerd with an anger issue. I found myself constantly being assaulted verbally, and being betrayed by the people that I had considered "friends". Without any connections, I just "continued" living as a horribly sad child hiding behind a neutral exterior. This was around the time I focused largely on my "eLife". I had no interest in maintaining relationships with people in real life, but the internet served as a barrier that suited me. I could hide behind everything without any worries, and I was generally an immature douchebag because of it.
High school didn't bring immediate changes to this situation. For some reason, I maintained connections with people from my old school. I generally blame this on the human need to associate. There were opportunities for me to associate myself with others, but I'll blame this on my complacency. Complacency is something that still affects me now, but I'll get to that later. In the end, my first year of high school didn't make anything better. I ended up associating myself with people who do drugs and drink, not because I used either substance, but out of loneliness.
My next year brought some of the real changes that have made me who I am. I found someone, and ended up getting myself into a relationship that lasted over a year and a half. It led me to become more social, capable of interaction, and brought me real friendships with people. My loneliness had been replaced with happiness and a feeling of belonging. Something I always did before was walk alone from my school, because it just gave me time to reflect on the shit that I felt. I didn't need to do that anymore because I had finally surrounded myself with good people.
But the relationship I had wasn't the one I needed. My other wasn't the one that was for me. She was prone to anger and upsetting and it was a stress that just built on me for too long. Every time I had done something that wasn't flawless I ended up getting assaulted for it, verbally. Yet I had become complacent with having it in my life. That sucks, and I know exactly why I didn't do anything about it; I thought I needed to have someone else in my life no matter what.
My third year of school started up where I finished my last. I was just complacent with life. I had no drive, no urge to do anything. There wasn't anything to push me, either. I managed to maintain good grades with minimal effort, and there girl I was with was absolutely obsessed with me, and still is. I didn't have to worry about anything. In that sense, I was just living for the sake of living, kinda like a robot. It's sad, but I was fine with that for the most part.
It was with the second half of my third year at high school that again, things started to change. For the first time in my high school life, I had a workload that I couldn't be complacent with. I started playing music in a band and doing performances around the area all the time (on a unrelated point to the rest of this post, music is great for getting in tunes with your emotions, seriously). I also had all my extracurriculars that I tried to balance with a relationship that I just couldn't, and didn't want to balance anything anymore. I had feelings for someone else, someone that genuinely made me happy, and ended my other relationship. But I couldn't do it. After one day, I got back together with the first girl. I felt as if I couldn't risk anything, because I was so god damn complacent.
And now everything is changing again, because I said fuck it. I was tired of being complacent, and I just couldn't handle living with the regret of not doing anything. So I was honest to this person, and opened myself up to them. They did the same. With the end of one relationship, another started, and I know this is one I can be genuinely happy with.
There's a lot of emotional stress that comes with this transition stage, and it's something that has been really bugging me. For the first time in a while, I'm alone. Not because I don't have anyone to be with, but because she's not here for the summer. It feels strange. Really. For someone as complacent as I was with my old life, it just feels off. And I can't help but feel guilty for essentially leading on someone who really did care for me. I'm probably going to get into a bit of social shit because of how I seemingly changed so quickly, but I've accepted that. I'm fine with this because she brings me happiness, and I know that that is the one thing I want in my life.
So with this, my "childhood" is ending in the coming year. I'm pretty much set on what I'm going into in university, and I'm happy about that. With all the uncertainty about my future, it's good to know that I don't have all fog in front of me. One step at a time, I guess.
edit - this was quite long, I just kept typing, my apologies.
Emotions are fickle for me. Like a few others who have already posted, I tend to be very "neutral". My emotions generally don't appear, and half of the ones that do aren't sincere. It's just something that I've come to develop like many others have.
Like a lot of people at a young age, I was prone to severe anger issues. For someone of my body build, kinda tall but extremely lanky, I ended up learning a lot of lessons the hard way. My temper generally brought me pain, having been hospitalized from on multiple occasions due to an outbreak, and what these outbreaks brought me. Concussions, contusions. All the fun stuff.
These issues generally lead to my loneliness, among other things. While I was easy going, and just a child that enjoyed fun, I was a nerd with an anger issue. I found myself constantly being assaulted verbally, and being betrayed by the people that I had considered "friends". Without any connections, I just "continued" living as a horribly sad child hiding behind a neutral exterior. This was around the time I focused largely on my "eLife". I had no interest in maintaining relationships with people in real life, but the internet served as a barrier that suited me. I could hide behind everything without any worries, and I was generally an immature douchebag because of it.
High school didn't bring immediate changes to this situation. For some reason, I maintained connections with people from my old school. I generally blame this on the human need to associate. There were opportunities for me to associate myself with others, but I'll blame this on my complacency. Complacency is something that still affects me now, but I'll get to that later. In the end, my first year of high school didn't make anything better. I ended up associating myself with people who do drugs and drink, not because I used either substance, but out of loneliness.
My next year brought some of the real changes that have made me who I am. I found someone, and ended up getting myself into a relationship that lasted over a year and a half. It led me to become more social, capable of interaction, and brought me real friendships with people. My loneliness had been replaced with happiness and a feeling of belonging. Something I always did before was walk alone from my school, because it just gave me time to reflect on the shit that I felt. I didn't need to do that anymore because I had finally surrounded myself with good people.
But the relationship I had wasn't the one I needed. My other wasn't the one that was for me. She was prone to anger and upsetting and it was a stress that just built on me for too long. Every time I had done something that wasn't flawless I ended up getting assaulted for it, verbally. Yet I had become complacent with having it in my life. That sucks, and I know exactly why I didn't do anything about it; I thought I needed to have someone else in my life no matter what.
My third year of school started up where I finished my last. I was just complacent with life. I had no drive, no urge to do anything. There wasn't anything to push me, either. I managed to maintain good grades with minimal effort, and there girl I was with was absolutely obsessed with me, and still is. I didn't have to worry about anything. In that sense, I was just living for the sake of living, kinda like a robot. It's sad, but I was fine with that for the most part.
It was with the second half of my third year at high school that again, things started to change. For the first time in my high school life, I had a workload that I couldn't be complacent with. I started playing music in a band and doing performances around the area all the time (on a unrelated point to the rest of this post, music is great for getting in tunes with your emotions, seriously). I also had all my extracurriculars that I tried to balance with a relationship that I just couldn't, and didn't want to balance anything anymore. I had feelings for someone else, someone that genuinely made me happy, and ended my other relationship. But I couldn't do it. After one day, I got back together with the first girl. I felt as if I couldn't risk anything, because I was so god damn complacent.
And now everything is changing again, because I said fuck it. I was tired of being complacent, and I just couldn't handle living with the regret of not doing anything. So I was honest to this person, and opened myself up to them. They did the same. With the end of one relationship, another started, and I know this is one I can be genuinely happy with.
There's a lot of emotional stress that comes with this transition stage, and it's something that has been really bugging me. For the first time in a while, I'm alone. Not because I don't have anyone to be with, but because she's not here for the summer. It feels strange. Really. For someone as complacent as I was with my old life, it just feels off. And I can't help but feel guilty for essentially leading on someone who really did care for me. I'm probably going to get into a bit of social shit because of how I seemingly changed so quickly, but I've accepted that. I'm fine with this because she brings me happiness, and I know that that is the one thing I want in my life.
So with this, my "childhood" is ending in the coming year. I'm pretty much set on what I'm going into in university, and I'm happy about that. With all the uncertainty about my future, it's good to know that I don't have all fog in front of me. One step at a time, I guess.
edit - this was quite long, I just kept typing, my apologies.
I'm an optimist. I've been described as bright, happy-go-lucky, bubbly, cute, funny, bouncy, friendly, empathic, loyal, but a little naive sometimes. I'm the kind of person you go to when you need to cheer up. I'm level headed, don't get angry or aggressive, don't get down easily or miserable. I enjoy life. I'm positive, I get a lot of pleasure and enjoyment out of the smallest things, and any sad/angry feelings are cured after a few hours.
But when I'm out in public, or around people I don't know my personality does a total 180. I become so shy and timid it's ridiculous. I get nervous easily, barely speak louder than a whisper, communicate mostly with gestures ect. I don't open up to people very well, and I have trouble trusting people I don't know. Underneath this though, I am the kind of person who can walk up to strangers and start up a conversation.
I haven't always been like this though. I've only worked out who I am recently, (personality wise) and I've learned to embrace it, instead of being pigeonholed into some stereotype. I've been through the awkward teenager phase and regretted most of it. I feel like I should expand on this, but I'm not sure what to say.
I ended school with only one friend. I was never that good at making friends, and while I had friends at school, I was only good enough with one. We both got jobs, but his job was to take over the family business. He was so busy that he never had any time off, and we couldn't catch up much anymore. He introduced me to one of his other friends one day, and we really got along well together. He was clinically depressed at the time, suicidal, and everyone around him was worried. I suspect that that's why my friend introduced us. I was lonely, and he really needed a friend. Even though I was six years younger than him (17 - 23) we quickly became best friends, and about half a year later we we in a relationship. His depression seemed to be gone completely. He was happy, smiled all the time, got a promotion at work, and seemed to look younger than he did when I first met him.
This was the best time of my life. I had my moved out of home, I had a job, a boyfriend and a network of friends through him. Knowing that I had made such a huge change in his life was an amazing feeling. I felt like I had a place, a purpose.
Sometimes these things don't last though. One day we had a huge fight over something that, in hindsight, seems so small and trivial. He got violent, and hurt me so badly that I had to break up with him, and cut him off completely. Sometimes I still wonder if it was my fault. Maybe it was something I did, or didn't do, something I should have done differently ect. You can't go back and change these things though.
Everything went downhill from there. When we broke up, I lost all of my other friends that I knew through him. I lost my job a month later (unrelated) and had to move back home. Being stuck at home with all of my family's problems again was awful, but it did give me time to do some soulsearching.
I used to be kinda dull and awkward, trying to work out who I was, who I wanted to be. All of this has changed me, but I'm still not sure how exactly.
But when I'm out in public, or around people I don't know my personality does a total 180. I become so shy and timid it's ridiculous. I get nervous easily, barely speak louder than a whisper, communicate mostly with gestures ect. I don't open up to people very well, and I have trouble trusting people I don't know. Underneath this though, I am the kind of person who can walk up to strangers and start up a conversation.
I haven't always been like this though. I've only worked out who I am recently, (personality wise) and I've learned to embrace it, instead of being pigeonholed into some stereotype. I've been through the awkward teenager phase and regretted most of it. I feel like I should expand on this, but I'm not sure what to say.
I ended school with only one friend. I was never that good at making friends, and while I had friends at school, I was only good enough with one. We both got jobs, but his job was to take over the family business. He was so busy that he never had any time off, and we couldn't catch up much anymore. He introduced me to one of his other friends one day, and we really got along well together. He was clinically depressed at the time, suicidal, and everyone around him was worried. I suspect that that's why my friend introduced us. I was lonely, and he really needed a friend. Even though I was six years younger than him (17 - 23) we quickly became best friends, and about half a year later we we in a relationship. His depression seemed to be gone completely. He was happy, smiled all the time, got a promotion at work, and seemed to look younger than he did when I first met him.
This was the best time of my life. I had my moved out of home, I had a job, a boyfriend and a network of friends through him. Knowing that I had made such a huge change in his life was an amazing feeling. I felt like I had a place, a purpose.
Sometimes these things don't last though. One day we had a huge fight over something that, in hindsight, seems so small and trivial. He got violent, and hurt me so badly that I had to break up with him, and cut him off completely. Sometimes I still wonder if it was my fault. Maybe it was something I did, or didn't do, something I should have done differently ect. You can't go back and change these things though.
Everything went downhill from there. When we broke up, I lost all of my other friends that I knew through him. I lost my job a month later (unrelated) and had to move back home. Being stuck at home with all of my family's problems again was awful, but it did give me time to do some soulsearching.
I used to be kinda dull and awkward, trying to work out who I was, who I wanted to be. All of this has changed me, but I'm still not sure how exactly.
This really is a fantastic thread, I hope that this will end up like the "how you've grown" thread because people are genuinely interesting but never tell you exactly how they feel in person. I've read through all posts thus far and intend to read all the ones after this. I suppose I'll also post so people like me can read something too!
So in any case my family is perfectly fine, really. I couldn't wish for anything better. I've been a twin for 16 years and I got questions on this all the time so I guess I'll describe what it's like being a twin. Besides the excruciatingly stupid twin questions we get day after day, it's really pretty interesting. On one hand, I have a guy who has similar interests and personality as me who lives in my house (and happens to look exactly like me). That's kind of nice. But people tend not to treat us seriously. They don't really see us as two different human beings, we're just kind of a package deal, a c+p sort of arrangement. In reality we're pretty different human beings- in comparison to my twin, I'm just a tad more apathetic, sarcastic, and calm (he actually has a bit of a temper). I like to think I'm a bit more witty and a little less awkward but idk. Being a twin is great when you're a kid because you always have a playmate, but hard when you're a teenager because you're both being awkward and angsty and shit and have the teenage drive to go be independent when you can't because you live in the same house as somebody that looks exactly fucking like you (well not really, we're not even identical twins but most people can't tell the difference at first).
I guess personality-wise I'm a lot like my dad. I'm naturally affable, witty, bubbly and easy to befriend but I am sort of awkward in that I just make social mistakes from lack of experience. I go to an all boys school and don't know any girls not because I'm awkward around them but because I just don't know any, which I think sums me up my personality pretty well. I'm also naturally very smart and have a really big vocabulary that sometimes inhibits me from just hanging out with "normal" kids (especially at dances because I just cannot STAND the music they play) because I feel superior or something.
Of course this summer I had a unique experience- my brother and I went to different camps for a change and I got to just BE BY MYSELF for the first time ever. Without him around, I discovered I was actually pretty introspective and reflective when I was alone while positively leaderlike and friendly in social aspects. Again, this was somewhat inhibited by a slight social awkwardness that comes with being anybody on the internet but I realized that I was a cool guy and that other people thought so too. I'm very excited for college so that I can ride solo permanently (my brother feels the same way, and we are ADAMANTLY against going to the same college).
This might not be hugely about my emotions (and may not really make sense coherently) but I hope this opening-up post showed you a bit about myself! I sympathize with all of you and hope you can all overcome your issues. Remember that life is about being happy and the best way to be happy is to find a purpose! If you feel like a leech, go fulfill yourself.
So in any case my family is perfectly fine, really. I couldn't wish for anything better. I've been a twin for 16 years and I got questions on this all the time so I guess I'll describe what it's like being a twin. Besides the excruciatingly stupid twin questions we get day after day, it's really pretty interesting. On one hand, I have a guy who has similar interests and personality as me who lives in my house (and happens to look exactly like me). That's kind of nice. But people tend not to treat us seriously. They don't really see us as two different human beings, we're just kind of a package deal, a c+p sort of arrangement. In reality we're pretty different human beings- in comparison to my twin, I'm just a tad more apathetic, sarcastic, and calm (he actually has a bit of a temper). I like to think I'm a bit more witty and a little less awkward but idk. Being a twin is great when you're a kid because you always have a playmate, but hard when you're a teenager because you're both being awkward and angsty and shit and have the teenage drive to go be independent when you can't because you live in the same house as somebody that looks exactly fucking like you (well not really, we're not even identical twins but most people can't tell the difference at first).
I guess personality-wise I'm a lot like my dad. I'm naturally affable, witty, bubbly and easy to befriend but I am sort of awkward in that I just make social mistakes from lack of experience. I go to an all boys school and don't know any girls not because I'm awkward around them but because I just don't know any, which I think sums me up my personality pretty well. I'm also naturally very smart and have a really big vocabulary that sometimes inhibits me from just hanging out with "normal" kids (especially at dances because I just cannot STAND the music they play) because I feel superior or something.
Of course this summer I had a unique experience- my brother and I went to different camps for a change and I got to just BE BY MYSELF for the first time ever. Without him around, I discovered I was actually pretty introspective and reflective when I was alone while positively leaderlike and friendly in social aspects. Again, this was somewhat inhibited by a slight social awkwardness that comes with being anybody on the internet but I realized that I was a cool guy and that other people thought so too. I'm very excited for college so that I can ride solo permanently (my brother feels the same way, and we are ADAMANTLY against going to the same college).
This might not be hugely about my emotions (and may not really make sense coherently) but I hope this opening-up post showed you a bit about myself! I sympathize with all of you and hope you can all overcome your issues. Remember that life is about being happy and the best way to be happy is to find a purpose! If you feel like a leech, go fulfill yourself.
Well you know what I'll venture to say my temper is improving. It's odd because I'm surrounded by more stress than ever these days and everyone in my family can be a pain, (of corse I can be too) but maybe I'm just capable of dealing with it now whereas I wasn't say a couple of years ago.
I also took some extra responsibility around the house the other day and it felt pretty good, as insignificant as it was.
I still don't wanna write though.
I also took some extra responsibility around the house the other day and it felt pretty good, as insignificant as it was.
I still don't wanna write though.
I'm coming at this with the sentiment of "fuck long posts, go read my 'How you've grown' one if you want long" (which was mainly ignored by the posters there), but maybe this will turn out longer, I don't know.
Perhaps first I should say that I'm 15, so people saying that my emotions are all down to hormones are probably right.
Currently in life I feel a strange mix of loneliness and being smothered by people. I suppose the easiest way to describe what the heck I mean is that there are indeed people around me who probably care about me, but I don't think they know me well enough or they're just the wrong types of people.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly haven't had as turbulent a childhood as some of those posting here, and I've never come into contact with alcohol or drug abuse, but I can definitely feel a sort of 'void' around me - which may even be of my own creation - that no-one dares to venture into, or they reach the outside edge of this void and think that they've found me. I apologise if I'm being cryptic here, right now I'm just writing as things come to mind, which I suppose is the most honest way of writing a response to this thread.
I think I'll make a bold statement here: I do not have any close friends. Nope, not a single one. What I believe I have is a variety of people around me whom I care for greatly, but their response to this is disproportionate. For example, I've had my fair share of crushes but I'm too ugly for any of those to be reciprocated (this isn't even me being emo - check the photo album). Further down this odd spectrum we have someone whom I considered as a friend, but he's always very snappy with me, and it's quite clear that we don't share the same interests as we did only a few years ago. This lack of close friends is most likely due to the aforementioned void that I have around me, which I believe is expanding, as whenever I open up like this to any of the people I've already mentioned their response is one of three:
1) "Shut up"
2) "You're a teenager, it happens"
3) "I'm so much worse than you" (perhaps ironically a typical teenage response)
This insecurity, as it might be called, is furthered by the lack of belief my parents have in me - they much prefer my older sister (by a year. No, I'm not supplying pics), who I indeed believe is cleverer than me. Unfortunately for everyone, she also has an unhealthy dose of immaturity, vanity and self-entitlement. It also doesn't help that she has chosen the some ideal career as I have.
And this leads quite nicely into talking about me wanting to become an author, and the qualms I have about it. At the age of 14, I wrote a 50,000 word novel. Too bad, son, your sister wrote a shorter one at 15, thus it's automatically better. My family has zero confidence in my writing abilities, which means I've had to turn to teachers/authors to act as guidance in the place of my parents. I very much feel that it's down to me alone to not end up in a gutter without anything, and my family and so-called friends do not want to help me.
This is why I feel lonely. Sure, people exist around me, and I'm sure that I should be thankful to have both of my parents in a stable relationship, but no-one around me shares my beliefs, ideals or aspirations. However, I also recognise that I do need people with whom I can share my experiences and feelings, but no-one I have ever met does. I guess smogon counselling and introspection can only go so far.
So yes, this post honestly turned out longer than I thought it would. Compulsive catharsis.
Perhaps first I should say that I'm 15, so people saying that my emotions are all down to hormones are probably right.
Currently in life I feel a strange mix of loneliness and being smothered by people. I suppose the easiest way to describe what the heck I mean is that there are indeed people around me who probably care about me, but I don't think they know me well enough or they're just the wrong types of people.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly haven't had as turbulent a childhood as some of those posting here, and I've never come into contact with alcohol or drug abuse, but I can definitely feel a sort of 'void' around me - which may even be of my own creation - that no-one dares to venture into, or they reach the outside edge of this void and think that they've found me. I apologise if I'm being cryptic here, right now I'm just writing as things come to mind, which I suppose is the most honest way of writing a response to this thread.
I think I'll make a bold statement here: I do not have any close friends. Nope, not a single one. What I believe I have is a variety of people around me whom I care for greatly, but their response to this is disproportionate. For example, I've had my fair share of crushes but I'm too ugly for any of those to be reciprocated (this isn't even me being emo - check the photo album). Further down this odd spectrum we have someone whom I considered as a friend, but he's always very snappy with me, and it's quite clear that we don't share the same interests as we did only a few years ago. This lack of close friends is most likely due to the aforementioned void that I have around me, which I believe is expanding, as whenever I open up like this to any of the people I've already mentioned their response is one of three:
1) "Shut up"
2) "You're a teenager, it happens"
3) "I'm so much worse than you" (perhaps ironically a typical teenage response)
This insecurity, as it might be called, is furthered by the lack of belief my parents have in me - they much prefer my older sister (by a year. No, I'm not supplying pics), who I indeed believe is cleverer than me. Unfortunately for everyone, she also has an unhealthy dose of immaturity, vanity and self-entitlement. It also doesn't help that she has chosen the some ideal career as I have.
And this leads quite nicely into talking about me wanting to become an author, and the qualms I have about it. At the age of 14, I wrote a 50,000 word novel. Too bad, son, your sister wrote a shorter one at 15, thus it's automatically better. My family has zero confidence in my writing abilities, which means I've had to turn to teachers/authors to act as guidance in the place of my parents. I very much feel that it's down to me alone to not end up in a gutter without anything, and my family and so-called friends do not want to help me.
This is why I feel lonely. Sure, people exist around me, and I'm sure that I should be thankful to have both of my parents in a stable relationship, but no-one around me shares my beliefs, ideals or aspirations. However, I also recognise that I do need people with whom I can share my experiences and feelings, but no-one I have ever met does. I guess smogon counselling and introspection can only go so far.
So yes, this post honestly turned out longer than I thought it would. Compulsive catharsis.
I know exactly what you mean. This is the result of a lack of close friends/people like yourself.
Bleh, I feel kinda stupid posting here now. The wording in my post was awful compared to everything else, especially you Alch. The writing skills definitely show. Maybe you should look into writing clubs or forums?
I dunno if i should necro this thread, but this is something I wanna talk about.
I have been dating this girl for around 5 months, this was like a forbidden love 'cause her parents didn't know about it. WE were happy together until one of my best friends sends her a message that he wants to get together with her, I got really scared. She broke up with me with the supposed excuse of her parents finding out. 2 days later she starts dating my friend. They went for a month or so. My BFF talked to her and she says that my Ex said she missed me. I talked with her and she wants to get back with me. The dilemna is... Do I get back with her? What she did to me was devastating, but I love her soooooo much. My friends here know that I am happy and cheerful, but that was a pretty devastating blow. :/
I have been dating this girl for around 5 months, this was like a forbidden love 'cause her parents didn't know about it. WE were happy together until one of my best friends sends her a message that he wants to get together with her, I got really scared. She broke up with me with the supposed excuse of her parents finding out. 2 days later she starts dating my friend. They went for a month or so. My BFF talked to her and she says that my Ex said she missed me. I talked with her and she wants to get back with me. The dilemna is... Do I get back with her? What she did to me was devastating, but I love her soooooo much. My friends here know that I am happy and cheerful, but that was a pretty devastating blow. :/
acceptable necro if only because this is a really good thread
as for your problem, i would not recommend getting back with this girl. it's not worth surrounding yourself with people who have a penchant for hurting you. this is even more important in relationships; you need to make room for the good things. the ability to say no is also one of the most important skills you can ever learn, and the sooner you get used to it the better.
personally i think that both this girl and your best friend seem like pretty shoddy folks!
as for your problem, i would not recommend getting back with this girl. it's not worth surrounding yourself with people who have a penchant for hurting you. this is even more important in relationships; you need to make room for the good things. the ability to say no is also one of the most important skills you can ever learn, and the sooner you get used to it the better.
personally i think that both this girl and your best friend seem like pretty shoddy folks!
I've never been a fan of the "oh you're a teen therefore you don't really know what love is" sentiment
but I'm a teen soooo
[ivar sick thread by the way, when I saw it pop I was like oh what's this i've responded to it?> then I read some posts and I was like "man this thread is swell"
TBH, what I'm going through is kinda weird.
You see, my life at school is like this. I am ok with high school. But truth be told, I'm a little depressed because my grades have been dropping. Of course, this might be because of this little old saying at my school which says "the second third of school is always the hardest because students let their guard down after the first part, but they get back on their feet in the third and final part". I can agree with this statement, as my grades can prove it. French has dropped to a C (I'm normally at a solid B most of the time), and so have the rest of my grades, with a few of the subjects dropping from A's to B's and when you're competing in the high school food chain for academic dominance, even the slightest drop in your grade can deflate you like a pencil to a balloon.
Because of this, my motivation for schoolwork has also dropped considerably and I just want to get this over with and move onto term 3, where things will get easier.....
Meanwhile, in my head........
Stories and ideas have been storming the stronghold to get in, and my mind has played each story over and over again, as I'm trying to make up a book, which has features a small group of teenagers who find out that mythological creatures have sprung into the human world, and a tainted darkness is slowly spreading out into the world. Of course, this means taking a ton of action of traversing into a completely different dimension (later on in the books) and trying to figure out a way to stop this madness.
And of course, none of it is written down. Weird thing is, I replay these thought like it's already in book form, so this helps me flesh out the characters lots. I'm really hoping that I can get the book published when it's actually done. But since I'm only in high school, and have no idea how to publish a book, I just guess I'll have to wait till I'm in college.
As you can see, I am a creative guy who loves to make art and write (at least write in my head). So during these past months I've already begun worrying about my career path (yeah I know this should be in the career paths thread), and it's freaking me out. I have absolutely no idea how I'm gonna make money off of that.
You see, my life at school is like this. I am ok with high school. But truth be told, I'm a little depressed because my grades have been dropping. Of course, this might be because of this little old saying at my school which says "the second third of school is always the hardest because students let their guard down after the first part, but they get back on their feet in the third and final part". I can agree with this statement, as my grades can prove it. French has dropped to a C (I'm normally at a solid B most of the time), and so have the rest of my grades, with a few of the subjects dropping from A's to B's and when you're competing in the high school food chain for academic dominance, even the slightest drop in your grade can deflate you like a pencil to a balloon.
Because of this, my motivation for schoolwork has also dropped considerably and I just want to get this over with and move onto term 3, where things will get easier.....
Meanwhile, in my head........
Stories and ideas have been storming the stronghold to get in, and my mind has played each story over and over again, as I'm trying to make up a book, which has features a small group of teenagers who find out that mythological creatures have sprung into the human world, and a tainted darkness is slowly spreading out into the world. Of course, this means taking a ton of action of traversing into a completely different dimension (later on in the books) and trying to figure out a way to stop this madness.
And of course, none of it is written down. Weird thing is, I replay these thought like it's already in book form, so this helps me flesh out the characters lots. I'm really hoping that I can get the book published when it's actually done. But since I'm only in high school, and have no idea how to publish a book, I just guess I'll have to wait till I'm in college.
As you can see, I am a creative guy who loves to make art and write (at least write in my head). So during these past months I've already begun worrying about my career path (yeah I know this should be in the career paths thread), and it's freaking me out. I have absolutely no idea how I'm gonna make money off of that.
perhaps the large amount of background information in this post makes it more appropriate in the "how you've grown" thread. o well, this one is on the first page.
there is one main conflict inside me: the "disregard everyone acquire boss status" side, and the "dude people are important too" side. First let me explain how I became this way. for reference, I am 17-year-old Greek-American male living in America right now.
during kindergarten-early primary school, I was a pretty cool kid. I was born in Houston to a set of engineer parents with an awesome style of upbringing. they taught me to question everything around me and always try to improve myself. these are lessons that nobody should ever forget. when I was 5, my mom had my little brother. his name was Stathis, but his pet name, by which everyone called him, was Stathakis. he was maybe the opposite of me. I was a brainy, slightly frail little guy, and he was the football player type, even as a toddler. He was five years younger than me, but when he was three years old I stood maybe three inches taller than him. I was meek, but he played with all the little kids. at least half of his toddler pictures are with other girls his age.
despite our differences and the fact that I was twice as old as him, we were two peas in a pod. our parents often left us to our own devices, so we would often entertain each other by playing our two favorite games: tag and pokemon. during this stage of blissful ignorance, there was actually a lot of turmoil in the household. my parents split up, and neither of us really understood why. we had faith in them, though, and they told us they still loved each other, so we continued as always. I started getting into legos, and thus so did little Stathi. we were the happiest two kids you'd ever meet, and we were smart as hell. Stathi was reading at 3 years old, and I had mastered long division by halfway through second grade. we always took pride in being better than everyone else. in fact, we competed in just about everything with just about everyone except each other, and we always won. Despite this, I still did love to mess around with my little bro, so I'd often switch his fresh gameboy batteries for dead ones and watch him freak out, not knowing why his gameboy wouldn't work.
My cousin Christina, with whom I am also very close, joined me in these antics twice every year, whenever I visited her (and the rest of my family) in New York. Christina and I were also two peas in a pod, but we are much more similar. Like me, she was a brainy child, so the two of us together could troll Stathi to our hearts' content.
One day, the three of us were home alone. Christina and I were having a race in pokemon ruby and sapphire, to see who could catch their legendary pokemon first. Stathi was playing rayman on the gameboy color. So the three of us were chilling in the basement, when all of a sudden Stathi asks Christina to beat a tough level for him. naturally as a hypercompetitive person, I jump at the opportunity to get ahead and become very engrossed in trying to catch Groudon. Christina, not wanting to give away too much time, goes into hardcore rayman mode. In the interim, Stathi slips away. we realize he is missing about 10 minutes after we last remember seeing him (when he asked Christina to beat rayman for him), and quickly search the entire house and yard, including the pool in the back. we decide to go looking for him through the neighborhood and can't find him. eventually we end up back home for a bathroom break, while Christina goes to look in the pool closet. I remember walking out of the house and hearing her scream. I, being the curious kid that I was, had been reading about serial killers in the past few weeks, so naturally my nine-year-old brain thought that there was one out in the pool. Running up to go check it out was, therefore, the bravest thing I have ever done in my life. I remember the uncertainty and the fear, so when I saw her alone dragging him out of the pool I was at first relieved. I quickly realized, however, that he wasn't his usual color. I called 911, grandma came home right before the ambulance, and they rushed off to the hospital. Christina and I weren't allowed to go, so we stayed home and watched Monsters, Inc. Grandma came back alone. Stathi was dead.
well, that kind of ended the happy period of my life. I was still as inquisitive as ever, except now I asked darker questions. I wondered why it couldn't have been me who had drowned and Stathi who had lived. I cursed myself for being a hypercompetitive prick and not paying more attention to him and less attention to fucking pokemon. I wondered if he'd still be alive if any other nine-year-old were in my position on that day. basically, I became very depressed and very angry. I was still the competitive kid I used to be, except now daily activities were war. I was basically reyscarface after getting lucked out of a big tournament, except I was like that 24/7. This went on for a very long time--until the end of middle school, I'd reckon.
in the meantime, I no longer liked math and science, but rather turned to writing and english. In retrospect, this is probably because these disciplines allowed me to vent my feelings. To this day, I'd say the most influential people in my life were my fifth grade English teacher and my eighth grade English teacher. The former convinced me that there was still life worth living, and helped me get my emotions onto paper (yes, I am aware that I am a crappy writer. I have since abandoned writing about my feelings, and well, writing at all). without her, I surely would have gone insane. perhaps more influential, however, was my eighth-grade English teacher. This lady was a middle-aged British woman with a cynical sense of humor that could have come straight out of your favorite sitcom. Something about her clicked with me, and I saw a lot of myself in her. Despite her cynicism, she was happy, and that's what made me thought I could ditch my emo thoughts and be happy too. over the course of the eighth grade, I gradually broke out of my depression shell, looking at her for guidance. that's the end of the depression phase.
so, I entered high school. it was an interesting place. for the first time, I was no longer at a super-elite private institution where everyone was smarter than me. rather, I was at the same private school, in their inaugural high school class. they pulled a lot of kids from all sorts of backgrounds, and somehow I ended up on the top of the intellectual heap. this caused me to have a ton of spare time, and I used this spare time to have all kinds of adventures freshman year. I remember skateboarding in the library, remotely controlling the power to boomboxes in various classrooms and turning them on/off at will, hiding inside a desk, climbing in the ceiling, and all sorts of other wacky things. it was a good time, and my natural curiosity, from back when Stathi was alive, had finally returned. I was the happiest I had been in ages, and everything was going swell. I even had a girlfriend for the first time! that didn't last very long, and she quickly ended up with one of my good friends. it doesn't matter, her life went to shit while mine blossomed, so I'm pretty happy with the way things turned out.
so over the course of high school, everything in my life turned out really well. after things didn't work out with my first girlfriend, I just kind of gave the middle finger to all relationships, romantic or not, and focused on myself. I made national merit in the psat, I was athlete of the year, I played in the jazz band, and everything was pretty hunky dory. I just kept improving myself, and never gave a fuk about anyone else. Sure, I would help my friends when they were in need, but I never really cared about anyone. all personal relationships went down the drain; in exchange, I became the boss of my world.
and that's where I am now, except I have a lot of questions. I have hooked up with my fair share of girls in the past three years, but I miss that feeling where cuddling is better than sex. I realize now that most of my friends probably won't come to my side when I am in need, and this worries me. not because I need their help, but because I have basically forsaken everybody in the world except a select few people. I have been getting in touch with old friends and they are wondering where I've been. everyone who used to know me from before high school now says I am just a smiling robot--and to an extent, they are right. I have completely given up all relationships with everyone, and it just feels very weird. I can relate to the foreveralone.jpg meme, but at the same time I understand that I did it to myself, and I do it for a reason--to be a boss. every second I spend with someone else is a second that I don't spend acquiring boss status, and that's how I justify the way I have become. still, I don't like it. I don't feel human anymore. as far as I know, there are people much smarter and more successful than me who are social, but I can't bring myself to interact with others. aside from a few close friends, I only make smalltalk with most people, and I even try to keep that to a minimum. at the same time, however, I am wtfing at myself and the path of life I have chosen.
perhaps this revelation will take me to a new era of life: the one where I apply everything I've learned and include being sociable into my life. I definitely feel like the high-school version of me, the one that never questioned being foreveralone, no longer exists. as I evolve, maybe I'll start to include others in my journey.
so yea, not really much turmoil I guess, since I know where I've been, where I want to be, and how to get there. the idealist in me says that even though it's lonely at the top, I can still hang with the people who are there. sorry for making you guys read this tl;dr life story. reading over it, I realize it's actually not that exciting. oh well. one day when I'm a Nobel laureate you can say you remember hearing about my preteen angst.
there is one main conflict inside me: the "disregard everyone acquire boss status" side, and the "dude people are important too" side. First let me explain how I became this way. for reference, I am 17-year-old Greek-American male living in America right now.
during kindergarten-early primary school, I was a pretty cool kid. I was born in Houston to a set of engineer parents with an awesome style of upbringing. they taught me to question everything around me and always try to improve myself. these are lessons that nobody should ever forget. when I was 5, my mom had my little brother. his name was Stathis, but his pet name, by which everyone called him, was Stathakis. he was maybe the opposite of me. I was a brainy, slightly frail little guy, and he was the football player type, even as a toddler. He was five years younger than me, but when he was three years old I stood maybe three inches taller than him. I was meek, but he played with all the little kids. at least half of his toddler pictures are with other girls his age.
despite our differences and the fact that I was twice as old as him, we were two peas in a pod. our parents often left us to our own devices, so we would often entertain each other by playing our two favorite games: tag and pokemon. during this stage of blissful ignorance, there was actually a lot of turmoil in the household. my parents split up, and neither of us really understood why. we had faith in them, though, and they told us they still loved each other, so we continued as always. I started getting into legos, and thus so did little Stathi. we were the happiest two kids you'd ever meet, and we were smart as hell. Stathi was reading at 3 years old, and I had mastered long division by halfway through second grade. we always took pride in being better than everyone else. in fact, we competed in just about everything with just about everyone except each other, and we always won. Despite this, I still did love to mess around with my little bro, so I'd often switch his fresh gameboy batteries for dead ones and watch him freak out, not knowing why his gameboy wouldn't work.
My cousin Christina, with whom I am also very close, joined me in these antics twice every year, whenever I visited her (and the rest of my family) in New York. Christina and I were also two peas in a pod, but we are much more similar. Like me, she was a brainy child, so the two of us together could troll Stathi to our hearts' content.
One day, the three of us were home alone. Christina and I were having a race in pokemon ruby and sapphire, to see who could catch their legendary pokemon first. Stathi was playing rayman on the gameboy color. So the three of us were chilling in the basement, when all of a sudden Stathi asks Christina to beat a tough level for him. naturally as a hypercompetitive person, I jump at the opportunity to get ahead and become very engrossed in trying to catch Groudon. Christina, not wanting to give away too much time, goes into hardcore rayman mode. In the interim, Stathi slips away. we realize he is missing about 10 minutes after we last remember seeing him (when he asked Christina to beat rayman for him), and quickly search the entire house and yard, including the pool in the back. we decide to go looking for him through the neighborhood and can't find him. eventually we end up back home for a bathroom break, while Christina goes to look in the pool closet. I remember walking out of the house and hearing her scream. I, being the curious kid that I was, had been reading about serial killers in the past few weeks, so naturally my nine-year-old brain thought that there was one out in the pool. Running up to go check it out was, therefore, the bravest thing I have ever done in my life. I remember the uncertainty and the fear, so when I saw her alone dragging him out of the pool I was at first relieved. I quickly realized, however, that he wasn't his usual color. I called 911, grandma came home right before the ambulance, and they rushed off to the hospital. Christina and I weren't allowed to go, so we stayed home and watched Monsters, Inc. Grandma came back alone. Stathi was dead.
well, that kind of ended the happy period of my life. I was still as inquisitive as ever, except now I asked darker questions. I wondered why it couldn't have been me who had drowned and Stathi who had lived. I cursed myself for being a hypercompetitive prick and not paying more attention to him and less attention to fucking pokemon. I wondered if he'd still be alive if any other nine-year-old were in my position on that day. basically, I became very depressed and very angry. I was still the competitive kid I used to be, except now daily activities were war. I was basically reyscarface after getting lucked out of a big tournament, except I was like that 24/7. This went on for a very long time--until the end of middle school, I'd reckon.
in the meantime, I no longer liked math and science, but rather turned to writing and english. In retrospect, this is probably because these disciplines allowed me to vent my feelings. To this day, I'd say the most influential people in my life were my fifth grade English teacher and my eighth grade English teacher. The former convinced me that there was still life worth living, and helped me get my emotions onto paper (yes, I am aware that I am a crappy writer. I have since abandoned writing about my feelings, and well, writing at all). without her, I surely would have gone insane. perhaps more influential, however, was my eighth-grade English teacher. This lady was a middle-aged British woman with a cynical sense of humor that could have come straight out of your favorite sitcom. Something about her clicked with me, and I saw a lot of myself in her. Despite her cynicism, she was happy, and that's what made me thought I could ditch my emo thoughts and be happy too. over the course of the eighth grade, I gradually broke out of my depression shell, looking at her for guidance. that's the end of the depression phase.
so, I entered high school. it was an interesting place. for the first time, I was no longer at a super-elite private institution where everyone was smarter than me. rather, I was at the same private school, in their inaugural high school class. they pulled a lot of kids from all sorts of backgrounds, and somehow I ended up on the top of the intellectual heap. this caused me to have a ton of spare time, and I used this spare time to have all kinds of adventures freshman year. I remember skateboarding in the library, remotely controlling the power to boomboxes in various classrooms and turning them on/off at will, hiding inside a desk, climbing in the ceiling, and all sorts of other wacky things. it was a good time, and my natural curiosity, from back when Stathi was alive, had finally returned. I was the happiest I had been in ages, and everything was going swell. I even had a girlfriend for the first time! that didn't last very long, and she quickly ended up with one of my good friends. it doesn't matter, her life went to shit while mine blossomed, so I'm pretty happy with the way things turned out.
so over the course of high school, everything in my life turned out really well. after things didn't work out with my first girlfriend, I just kind of gave the middle finger to all relationships, romantic or not, and focused on myself. I made national merit in the psat, I was athlete of the year, I played in the jazz band, and everything was pretty hunky dory. I just kept improving myself, and never gave a fuk about anyone else. Sure, I would help my friends when they were in need, but I never really cared about anyone. all personal relationships went down the drain; in exchange, I became the boss of my world.
and that's where I am now, except I have a lot of questions. I have hooked up with my fair share of girls in the past three years, but I miss that feeling where cuddling is better than sex. I realize now that most of my friends probably won't come to my side when I am in need, and this worries me. not because I need their help, but because I have basically forsaken everybody in the world except a select few people. I have been getting in touch with old friends and they are wondering where I've been. everyone who used to know me from before high school now says I am just a smiling robot--and to an extent, they are right. I have completely given up all relationships with everyone, and it just feels very weird. I can relate to the foreveralone.jpg meme, but at the same time I understand that I did it to myself, and I do it for a reason--to be a boss. every second I spend with someone else is a second that I don't spend acquiring boss status, and that's how I justify the way I have become. still, I don't like it. I don't feel human anymore. as far as I know, there are people much smarter and more successful than me who are social, but I can't bring myself to interact with others. aside from a few close friends, I only make smalltalk with most people, and I even try to keep that to a minimum. at the same time, however, I am wtfing at myself and the path of life I have chosen.
perhaps this revelation will take me to a new era of life: the one where I apply everything I've learned and include being sociable into my life. I definitely feel like the high-school version of me, the one that never questioned being foreveralone, no longer exists. as I evolve, maybe I'll start to include others in my journey.
so yea, not really much turmoil I guess, since I know where I've been, where I want to be, and how to get there. the idealist in me says that even though it's lonely at the top, I can still hang with the people who are there. sorry for making you guys read this tl;dr life story. reading over it, I realize it's actually not that exciting. oh well. one day when I'm a Nobel laureate you can say you remember hearing about my preteen angst.
Here are a few of my tips for this. First of all yes your grades in high school will slip, but part of it is you figuring out what really works for you and what does not. “Half of high school is procrastinating and learning how to get work done very fast”, is something an old teacher of mine said. You are at an age where you can identify destructive habits and exert much more self-control. That will get your marks back up, also with the “holy crap I’ll be out of this hell-hole in x amount of time” will eventually kick in, especially with uni applications.
This will be some hard truth for your second part but what boy hasn’t had this awesome idea for a story involving mythology and fantastical powers. A big thing with culture too is that we absorb so many ideas and later reprocess them as our own. Don’t worry about some published end product or anything like that, what you need to do in any creative practice is work at it, and do it some more. Amateur artists wait for inspiration while professionals are active in their creative practice. So take time to enjoy reading and enjoy writing and challenge yourself with it.
With the career path part many writers find themselves doing it at the start part-time while finding other writing or even non-writing work to pay the bills. You won’t always have the newest video game stuff either but doing what you love is more than worth it.
Heh, aint that the truth of it all. But I know that as I continue to write, a style will begin to emerge. But as you said, I am constantly working at it and finding ways to try and not make it my own. Of course, with all of the media having used so many ideas, there will probably be a time when I find out that there is something similar to what I wrote. But with creativity, anything could happen.