Alright, off to route 8! There are just a few trainers along here to battle, and a Vulpix to catch as well.
*fighting a lass*
You know what disturbs me about the Lasses in this game? They’re all clearly pre-pubescent girls wearing super short miniskirts. Seriously, take a look at this sprite:
She’s even posing suggestively. I thought this was a game aimed at kids, not one aimed at pedophiles.
And why do Super Nerds use Poison types like Muk and Grimer? I get why they use electric types, since that’s associated with science and such, but poison? Are you trying to say that nerds are slimy and gross Gamefreak? Is that it? WELL FUCK YOU THEN >:O
Oh ho! It’s time for my first double battle of the playthough! Twins... hrm well Shenron and Charming should do OK together...
*they just have Jigglypuff and Clefairy*
Lol ok I don’t think it’d matter who I sent out against these two.
*easily defeats them*
Oh, it’s time for the massive line-o-trainers! I’ve always been confused by this... why would 4 apparently unrelated trainers stand in a line next to each other? Furthermore, one of them is a Super Nerd and the other 3 are Lasses. Why would the Lasses... oh ho! Now Gamefreak is saying Super Nerds are slimy chick magnets! Errrr... Gamefreak doesn’t know its audience very well does it?
Oh hang on; the Super Nerd says they’re just stuck there because the gate to Saffron is closed. Suuuuure, that’s why you’re hanging out with 3 young girls you... either player or Pedophile. Depends on how old he is. It’s hard to tell.
Heh in a battle against a Nidorina I got my first chance to use Blaze. Poison and Double Kick put me in range. Ember did more damage with Ember than Mega Punch then, but I just wish there had been another Pokemon left so I could test how strong it is on an un-weakened Pokemon!
Heh, for having such low BP attacks, Bulbus is pretty effective. Sleep powder then set up with Growth, works like a charm. After he’s gotten 2 or 3 growths, nothing much stands in his way! After 4 or more, not even Pokemon that resist it can stand up to his mighty Vine Whip!
Alright, all the trainers have been demolished, so it’s time to catch a Vulpix!
*Couple minutes later*
There that wasn’t very hard.
Just a quick trip through the Underground Path and into Celadon I go!
Well things aren’t looking so hot in Celadon, with Rocket Grunts walking the streets like they own them. But before I deal with them, I got some exploring to do!
Ah, a nice old lady gave me some Tea inside the Celadon Mansion! I think some thirsty gate keepers will be liking this :P. Though, this doesn’t really make much sense for curing thirst, as the caffeine in Tea means it actually dehydrates you...
And now to talk to the Gamefreak employees for some blatantly unfunny 4th wall breaking and ego stroking. How wonderful.
I think I’ll be trying the back entrance now hm? I seem to remember a cute little split-evolving Pokemon that can be picked up there.
*few seconds later* Well hello there Eevee! Enjoy your time in the PC box >:D
Ok, now to take a Coin Case off some guy in the bar, who’s drinking away his sorrows after losing it all at the slots. Don’t believe that’s what he’s doing? There is CLEARLY a beer on the table in front of him. Yellow colour, classic beer mug, and foam on top. I wonder how they slipped THAT past the censors.
Rocket Grunt: “Don’t touch the poster at the Game Corner! There’s no switch behind it!”
I don’t need to say anything illustrate the incredible stupidity of this. It speaks for itself.
Alright, now for the department store! While I’m here, I gotta buy a water stone, a leaf stone and a thunder stone. I’m going to evolve Shenron right now as he doesn’t learn any other moves worth my time by level up, except maybe Light Screen at level 50 and I’m not waiting that long. Bulbus is another story... He doesn’t learn Razor Leaf, his best Stab (pathetic I know >.<) until lv 42. I’d normally wait on this, but I can’t evolve Charming until after Bulbus evolves, which is an issue since I need him to use Fly. I could evolve him now and simply relearn Razor Leaf when I get to Two Island and the move relearner there, but that’s a long time to go with just either Vine Whip or Giga Drain... I think I’ll leave him for now, and if he starts becoming a pain or I find I need to evolve Charming then I’ll evolve him. The Water Stone is for Wuzzle once I get him, but I don’t need to worry about that yet.
First though, let’s see what else the store has to offer shall we?
Some of these TMs will be useful, so I’ll be buying a few of these... Ball gets Brick Break over Sand-Attack, Charming also gets Brick break over Metal Claw, Ball gets Secret Power over Slash, and Bulbus also gets Secret Power over Acid since it’s more powerful even though it doesn’t get STAB and the only thing Acid gets super effective damage on before the national Pokedex is Tangela.
I love the animation for using the TMs and HMs in FR and LG. You take this CD and slap it on the Pokemon’s head, and it magically gives the Pokemon a new move. It looks hilarious and makes no sense at all XD.
There, I bought my evolutionary stones. I might as well evolve Shenron now.
*Shenron evolved into Raichu! Maybe he won’t be so freaking weak anymore!*
Ah, and up here I can buy soft drinks! I’m going to sell my Super Potions and buy Lemonades instead. Also there’s a girl up here that gives you 3 TMs, one for each drink! Best deal ever!
*TMs for Relect, Safeguard and Light Screen obtained!*
Now for the Game Corner. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to waste time at the slots just now... You’ll be wanting your update today, not next week :P. Instead I’m just going to talk to the people in there, and then Tom Clancy this shit up!
LOL you know that guy at every gym who gives you advice? Apparently he got a bit sidetracked by the Game Corner! He’ll still give you advice, but it seems that he ain’t leaving his seat for anything.
Wow there’s an enormous amount of hidden coins on the floor. My Itemfinder is going crazy! All these will come in handy when I do some slot playing later (oh you bet I will, just not until next chapter >:D)
Hello mister grunt, why are you guarding a poster? :P yeah let’s just battle and get this over with.
*plain demolishes pathetic guard*
If you’re going to have someone obviously guarding it, why even bother hiding the switch anyway? The guard kind of gives it away.
Alright, down I go, into the depths!
*Que Mission Impossible theme*
... Except that a real spy wouldn’t be running around just obliterating all the guards. But why be stealthy when the guards are so weak, eh?
Ah the old arrow floor tiles. I remember when I was a kid I had so much trouble with these. These days, I figure them out without even trying. Amazing what a difference something like 13 years makes, eh?
Wow I out-level all the grunts here by 10+ levels, and I haven’t grinded at all. Having just 4 Pokemon has led to me having them higher level than they usually are at this point... Especially since I tend to have enormous teams of 10 or more Pokemon, the members of which I regularly swap in and out of my party. I just like using a lot of Pokemon ok?
TM21 (Frustration) obtained. This totally useless move is going to rot in my bag for all eternity, since all my Pokemon love me :D. Not that it’s hard to get them to love you lol.
Oh cool I found the Blackglasses. If I actually had a single Pokemon that used Dark type moves that might actually be helpful!
TM49, Snatch... another useless TM. Well, in-game anyway. It’s pretty much impossible to predict the AI since they select moves at random =/
I love how the grunt with the Lift Key conveniently drops it right after you battle for no perceivable reason, then LETS YOU PICK IT UP! I mean seriously, it’s like the grunts are actually trying to HELP you instead of stop you sometimes.
And again, at the first floor where the elevator is blocked off by a gate, fighting the grunt causes the door to magically open. Is it just me, or is the writing in this game REALLY lazy?
Alright, all the grunts have been obliterated, time to fight Giovanni!
Or I have to demolish a couple more grunts guarding the door first. Whatever.
*Two thoroughly obliterated grunts later*
And the door magically opens again. Not even an “Oh our fight opened the door (somehow)” this time; it just opens magically on its own. Seriously, what is with this shit?
Anyway, time for Giovanni... but first, I’ve made my decision
*pulls out Leaf Stone*
Someone is going to evolve.
*Bulbus evolves into Victreebel!*
I figure that having one crappy stab move will be better than having TWO un-evolved Pokemon. Besides, I get Giga Drain for defeating Erika, and then I’ll just bloat it with PP Up. Hell, if the low PP doesn’t prove an issue I might not even replace it with Razor Leaf later.
Alright Giovanni... I got a lean, mean, yellow and green killing machine that wants to meet you!
Alright, first Pokemon is an Onix... I know what I’m doing
*Uses Sleep Powder*
Alright, time to boost up to ultimate destruction.
*3 Growths later*
That should be enough >:D time to go to town with Vine Whip!
*2 OHKOs later*
Just Kangaskhan left. Let’s see how well it can take a +3 Vine Whip!
*Does less than half health*
O.O pretty well apparently. Alright, off to dreamland you go while I boost some more.
*2 flinches, three misses and -1 def from tail whip later*
GODDAMIT SLEEP THE DAMN THING ALREADY
*Mega Punch*
OH SHI-
*Bulbus hangs on with 1hp, Sleep Powder finally hits*
ABOUT FREAKING TIME. That hax was driving me insane and thankfully a bit of it went my way with the low damage roll! Screw this, Ball is coming out to use Brick Break.
*Kangaskhan wakes up and flinches Ball with Bite*
...... you have got to be kidding me. Is this thing a fucking Jirachi in disguise or something?
*Brick Break finally KOs the damn thing*
Alright, that was more difficult than I had anticipated. Goddamn hax. Well, in any case Giovanni is defeated! You and I are heading downto-
*lights flicker, Giovanni disappears*
Wait what? So he’s a goddamn ninja now too? Or a Black Wizard with Warp, either one... well he left behind the Silph Scope at least! Now I can go finish the Pokemon Tower.
First though I got to grab a little something from Route 16...
Beyond the Young Couple, there’s a little house where someone has a certain HM that will be mighty handy to have... a little move called Fly :D
*Ch’Ding learned Fly!*
There we go! This’ll make backtracking so much easier. So, time to take flight to Lavender town.
Wait a second, I’m getting flown by a duck a quarter my size. HOW THE HELL DOES THIS WORK?
Well in any case, back up the Pokemon Tower I go! I Gotta catch Ghastly, Haunter and Cubone on the way. Hopefully I’ll be able to get all three without grinding.
*Catches a Gastly easily*
Darn, didn’t run into any of the other two yet. In any case, it’s time to take down the Ghost Marowak. Poor thing... I guess Team Rocket is more than just a bunch of silly louts after all, if they kill innocent Pokemon.
It means they’re MURDEROUS silly louts!
Anyway, it took a bit but I took it down. Damn thing has defences like a Panzer tank, and it hits pretty hard too. It gave Ball a run for his money, putting him in the red. Well, it’s been put to rest now.
Alright, time to take out the sick fucks who did this. Prepare to die Team Rocket!
.
.
.
Wait I’m not allowed to kill them? Cmon, Charming hasn’t gotten to roast anyone yet! Pretty please?
Ah well I can at least kick their asses and send them packing.
*Second grunt’s Koffing Self-Destructs and takes out Charming*
GODDAMIT! I am so freaking glad this is not a Nuzlocke.
*Revive and Super Potion later*
Alright, now this is personal you fuckwads!
*Charming utterly wrecks the 3rd grunt*
EAT THAT COCKSUCKERS!
.
.
.
*to Mr. Fuji* Ahem, anyway gramps, you’re free to go now.
Oh you want me to come with you? Alright, since I know I’m getting something awesome out of this I’ll tag along :P.
*One musical gift later*
Booyah! Thanks for one of the most useful items in the game gramps! Now I can sell all these awakening I picked up. But first, I gotta go catch a couple Pokemon I didn’t run into before...
*a short while later*
Alright, got a Cubone... just a Haunter now.
*runs into a Haunter*
Perfect, just gotta use sleep powder then wear it down...
*Haunter wakes up, uses Curse and kills itself*
-.- well that sucked. At least running into another one shouldn’t take too long.
*a couple minutes later*
AHA this time I left your health above half, so when you use Curse it puts you in perfect catching range!
Just got to sleep you through this confusion before Curse kills me and then you’re mine!
*Bulbus snaps out of confusion next turn, puts it to sleep. First Great Ball catches it*
YES! Alright, now we’re in business.
Alright just one more thing before I fight Erika. I got a 5th team member to catch! Back to route 16 (as soon as I buy about 20 more Great Balls)
Alright Snorlax, you’re about to discover a whole new world beyond sleeping, blocking pathways and being a general pain in the ass
Wakey wakey, smell the eggs and bakey!
Alright, the strategy here is to put it to sleep, use Growth a couple times and then weaken it with Vine Whip until I can catch it.
*damn thing eats a Chesto Berry*
.... well at least it won’t get to rest for free now...
And damn, it hits pretty hard.
*it uses goddamn SNORE*
Ok, this thing is going to be hell isn’t it
*+2 Vine whip does about 20%*
Oh yes, fiery, torturous hell.
*Now it uses Yawn (and Pokeflute wakes BOTH Pokemon up)*
I think I hate this thing already.
*10 great balls, 5 lemonade and +6 Sp.Att later*
*click*
FUCK YEAH I CAUGHT YOU, YOU FAT BASTARD!
.... I mean, welcome to the team Gen1OU *painfully forced grin*
And as an added bonus, I get some Leftovers for my trouble :D
Alright you mighty big pain in the ass, I’m going to use you to take out Erika’s lackeys. But first I have to give you Hyper Beam, since I need to get you as close to the Gen 1 standard set as possible ASAP, and that’s the only move from it I can give you right now. And since Gen1OU is a terrible name, I’m just going to refer to you as Bob from now on, alright Bob?
I wish I COULD teach it Selfdestruct, so I could make it pay for the hell it put me through catching it.
Alright, restocked and taught Bob Hyper Beam instead of Yawn. Time to finally head to Celadon Gym!
Creepy Old Guy: *is staring through gym windows* “Heheh! This GYM is great! It’s full of women!”
Ok, I don’t really need to say thing about this. I don’t have to; it’s all been said by many others before me already.
.
.
.
But still. Ew.
Alright Bob, time to start Hyper Beaming everything in sight! Giving me access to a STAB 150BP move at this point in the game is a total game breaker eh heh heh!
*after Hyper Beaming a Weepinbell*
Jeeze, Hyper Beam looks kind of lame in Gen 3...
*ridiculous rampage of destruction later*
WOW. Bob is practically BROKEN at this point in the game. Nothing can scratch him and he can obliterate anything in a single hit with Hyper Beam, and most things are OHKO’d just with Headbutt. If I get statused I just heal it off with Rest. Seriously, it’s just plain unfair. It’s like using Arceus in RU. I only had to go to the Pokemon center because I was running out of PP (20 attacking PP total, and there are more than 20 Pokemon in the gym)
Alright, now it is time to Solo Erika with Charming. This is not going to be as easy as you’d think, since I’m betting all Erika’s Pokemon are female, meaning I can’t use my fire type attacks unless Blaze activates. On top of that her team has status inflicting moves out the wazoo. My strategy is going to be to hit them with Mega Punch as hard as I can until Blaze activates... then the real fun begins.
*she sends out Victreebel*
Sure enough, it’s female. Looks like I got a real fight on my hands. If only I could use Bob, this’d all be over in a few turns...
*Attract immobilizes Victreebel*
At least Attract is a damn useful move. It’ll make things a lot easier I think.
*Mega Punch is a 3-4HKO, and it manages to Paralyze Charming*
Oooo boy. This is going to be a long drawn-out fight isn’t it.
*a few Mega Punches later, Victreebell faints without getting a hit in*
Well despite 2 missed Mega Punches I actually got lucky there, with it being immobilized all the time. Next out is her Tangela... again female. Oh well, back to work!
*Tangela uses Ingrain*
Well that could prove annoying...
*Mega punch does good damage*
Ah good, Ingrain shouldn’t play in too much, assuming I don’t get haxed like mad.
*Mega Punch misses twice, FP’d once*
85% accuracy my ass... it’s already missed 4/8 uses.
*Goddamn Erika used Hyper Potion on it just as it gets near the red*
I. Hate. AI. Healing. Item. Spam. So much.
I’m switching to Brick Break now since actually hitting is more important than the extra 5 BP against Tangela. Brick Break won’t work on Vileplume, so I had better conserve Mega Punch’s PP anyway.
*Tangela finally goes down*
Ahhhh yes, now comes out Vileplume... this’ll be fun *sarcasm*.
*Vileplume uses Acid, it does some damage but not a lot*
Well that could be useful; if it activates Blaze I can end this much more quickly!
*Vileplume is immobilized a lot, while I crit with Mega Punch*
Hell yeah! One or two more Mega Punches should do it! Maybe I won’t need Blaze after all!
*After several turns of misses and parahax, Mega Punch finally connects and brings it to the red*
And the whole time it’s been completely immobilized by Attract! Ha, this has been epic! Charming really is a ladies’ man it would seem. Since it has so little HP left I’m going to use the more reliable Brick Break to finish it
*Vileplume faints*
Victory! On top of that, Charming reaches lv 34 and learns Flamethrower! EPIC! This could not have gone much better!
So I’ll just take my Giga Drain TM, Rainbow Badge and be on my way then Erika, thanks for the easy as hell gym eh? I’m going to teach Giga Drain to Bulbus right away, and then use both the PP Ups I have on it. It’s a much better STAB for him than Vine Whip, with almost twice as much BP, healing, and only a little bit less PP after I boost it up.
Alright then, that’s it. I got a decision to make now, since after Celadon City the game stops being quite so linear. I have 3 options on where to go next; I can take out Team Rocket in Saffron, head to Fuchsia City via Cycling Road or head to Fuchsia City from the Lavender Town side. I want to get Wuzzle ASAP, so I want to head to Fuchsia first. I’ll leave it up to you lot to decide which path I take though. The first person that PMs me a choice gets their choice acted upon!
END OF CHAPTER SUMMARY (now with commentary!):
Badges: 4
Pokemon: 5
Location: Celadon, but departing soon.
Blackouts: 1 (My head still hurts from it. You know what Brock does to people that lose to him? It isn’t pretty.)
Charming the Charmeleon:
Level 34
Flamethrower
Brick Break
Mega Punch
Attract
Surprisingly, Charming has only been mediocre so far. He doesn’t have a lot of power or defences, and he finds himself getting hit and fainted a lot. His restriction can also be a pain, since it seems like all the people that use Grass types are female and so have all female Pokemon. Despite this he’s far from being a load on my team, and I strongly suspect he’ll become much, much more useful once he evolves.
Shenron the Raichu:
Level 33
Thunderbolt
Double Team
Quick Attack
Slam
Electric Solo tally: 5 (Not a single electric type encountered this chapter)
Man, before I evolved him Shenron was my clear LVP. He had terrible defences and didn’t have enough power to take advantage of his blistering speed, even after learning Thunderbolt. Charming fainted more, but that’s only because I wasn’t stupid enough to leave Shenron in against anything that could faint him (which was most things). Now that he has evolved though he is much more useful. He’s bulkier and hits harder, securing OKHO’s on most things with Thunderbolt or Slam and being able to take a hit if he doesn’t. However I expect him to become less useful again as my opponents get tougher.
Ball the Sandslash:
Level 33
Secret Power
Rock Slide
Brick Break
Dig
My MVP up to this point, Ball can take just about anything on. When Axemaster68 said he had no restrictions he was kidding of course, but ever since he evolved he’s felt like the least restricted member of my team by far. He hits like a truck, has great coverage and can take hits like a boss. Even the equivalent of a STAB 150BP super effective hit didn’t take him down last chapter! Of course it was from an un-evolved Pokemon 8 levels lower than him, but that’s still impressive.
Bulbus the Victreebel:
Level 33
Giga Drain (2 PP Up used)
Growth
Secret Power
Sleep Powder
Bulbus has actually been pulling his weight better than I expected him to. Despite having low BP attacks, his ability to boost reliably using Sleep Powder and Growth makes up for it, allowing him to devastate even Pokemon that resist Vine Whip. Since learning Secret Power over Acid he’s been even more useful, as it provides much better coverage alongside Vine Whip, hits harder AND can have a secondary effect. And of course he’s been instrumental in catching every Pokemon I’ve caught since I got him, and that counts.
Gen1OU (AKA Bob) the Snorlax:
Level 32
Headbutt
Hyper Beam
Rest
Snore
Oh boy, the new boy on the team has impressed me. At first I wanted to kill him for being so freaking difficult to catch, but after obliterating the entire Celadon Gym with him all has been forgiven. He hits super hard, barely gets hurt by attacks himself and can even heal off status and damage with Rest. The only problem is I’ll have to get rid of Rest eventually to make room for Earthquake. However I don’t get the TM for it until after the 8th gym, so I have a long time to abuse a nigh on perfect set until then. In the end I think Bob (I refuse to call him “Gen1OU”) will likely end up my MVP.